Singing in the Courtroom - A JP and CzarThwomp Duet
by JordanPhoenix
Summary: Giggle/groan maniacally at these catchy ditties (and future ear-worms!) of mostly Disney-themed melodies. It's a short series of song-fics by two musical loving otakus, featuring tunes with an Ace Attorney twist from: Mulan, Pokemon, Beauty & The Beast, The Lion King and more! Sing-a-long with JP & CzarThwomp as they try to make beautiful music together! *Open to tune suggestions!
1. Make a (Free) Man Out of You

_JP: Am stoked to be working with my fave AA funny man/talented FF Wrighter, CT! I hope you guys enjoy this tribute to my fave DILF lawyer making a lyrical vow to stand by his client – Chinese Dynasty style! :)_

 _CzarThwomp: Hey people, CzarThwomp here and I'm so excited to be writing this collab with JP! We hope you guys enjoy reading these song-fics as much as we enjoyed writing them!_

* * *

 **"I'll Make A (Free) Man out Of You"**  
 ** _(from Disney's "Mulan" soundtrack)_**

 _Let's get down defending_  
 _To defeat the charge_  
 _Don't you fret dear client, the trial's just begun_  
 _Things may seem so hopeless now,_  
 _But you can bet before we're through_  
 _Defendant I'll make a free man…out of you_

* * *

 _The testimony's bogus_  
 _These charges are paper thin_  
 _Once I break that witness_  
 _We are sure to win_  
 _Payne's a spineless, wimp, pathetic snot_  
 _And he's never had a clue_  
 _I swear I'll make a free man out of you_

* * *

 _I'll never stop pursuing the truth_  
 _Say goodbye to these lies against you_  
 _Just ignore that pompous tool, and his smarmy grin_  
 _I'll fight until my dying breath_  
 _Hope Udgey doesn't see right through me_  
 _Good thing I can stall and bluff on a whim!_

* * *

 _[Chorus:]_

 _(Objection!)_  
 _I must be strong, freedom I must deliver_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _Lady Justice shall prevail real soon_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire_  
 _With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!_

* * *

 _Sweat drips down my brow now, till verdict arrives_  
 _Heed late mentor's orders and I might survive_  
 _You're unsuited for those prison stripes_  
 _So chin up, smile on, we're through_  
 _Cuz you believed, I'd make a free man out of you_

* * *

 _[Chorus:]_

 _(Objection!)_  
 _I must be strong, freedom I must deliver_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _Lady Justice shall prevail real soon_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire_  
 _With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!_

* * *

 _[Chorus:]_

 _(Objection!)_  
 _I must be strong, freedom I must deliver_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _Lady Justice shall prevail real soon_  
 _(Objection!)_  
 _With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire_  
 _With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!_


	2. Prosécutemon

_CzarThwomp: Remember that one time I tried to parody the "Pokémon" theme song back in 2016 with "Daddymon"? Of course you don't, and I don't blame you. Just think of this song as the perfect (pun entirely intended) way to show how I've improved since then!_

 _JP: Together my co-pilot and I have drawn the nicest, supportive readers in the fandom! Y'all have been so great about this new project of ours! My funny AF friend partner here hopefully gets the same kind of love with his side-splitter. The alternate song name could have easily been:_ _ **"Von Karma - Gotta Convict 'Em All!"**_

 ** _YouTube:_** ** _Pokemon Theme Song - Gotta Catch Em All! - Original:_ _youtu . be / lrHJhKEtQEI_**

* * *

" **Prosécutemon"** _ **  
**_ _ **(Sung to the tune of "Pokémon – Gotta Cath 'Em All!")**_

 _I want to be,  
The most perfect,  
Like no one ever was.  
Finding evidence is my test,  
To convict them is my cause._

* * *

 _I will travel across the nations,  
Prosecuting far and wide.  
Each defendant, to crush and break,  
Dashing all their hopes and dreams._

* * *

 _Von Karma, Gotta convict 'em all!  
It can only be me.  
It's the Von Karma destiny.  
Von Karma!  
Oh, defense are my enemies,  
Always trying to subvert my case!_

* * *

 _Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!  
My convictions true!  
My perfection will pull us through!  
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,  
Because I'm a Von Karma!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Perfect…_

* * *

 _Every defense attorney that foolishly gets in the way,  
I'll put them right in their place.  
I will prosecute every day,  
And laugh in my foolish enemy's face._

* * *

 _Don't follow me, your input's worthless.  
I'm a team of one.  
With my perfection, the defendant will confess,  
To the crime that they've done._

* * *

 _Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!  
It can only be me.  
It's the Von Karma destiny.  
Von Karma!  
Oh, defense are my enemies,  
Always trying to subvert my case!_

* * *

 _Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!  
My convictions true!  
My perfection will pull us through!  
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,  
Because I'm a Von Karma!_

* * *

 _Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Perfect!_

* * *

 _Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!  
It can only be me.  
It's the Von Karma destiny.  
Von Karma!  
Oh, defense are my enemies,  
Always trying to subvert my case!_

* * *

 _Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!  
My convictions true!  
My perfection will pull us through!  
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,  
Because I'm a Von Karma!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Gotta convict 'em all!  
Von Karma!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a_ _duet!)_ _s_ _hout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 1**

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** Hope you're a Pokémon fan MuhammadGamingS because this one was dedicated to YOU!*

 **CzarTwhomp:** It's such a compliment to know that we're inspiring such wonderful feelings of nostalgia in you. We hope that you'll continue to feel that way as we post more songs!

 **Purple Hooded Angel:**  
 **  
JP:** Please PM me the rest of your non-romance list! I've already decided to take a crack at your canine love request for Chapter 5 but I'm open to suggestions!

 **CzarTwhomp:** I'm flattered to know that you've been dreaming of me teaming up with JP for a fanfic. But I jest. I know that you're really referring to our cavalcade of songs. To which I say, I hope that you enjoy what else we have in store for you. Regarding your song suggestions, I'm handling villains and a more negative perspective when it comes to these songs. So when it comes to parodies involving love and kindness, the decision to write them falls on my very talented co-writer.

 **Joeclone** :  
 **  
JP:** My sweet, loyal reader who takes the time away from school to support ALL my geeky works – thank you! You're DEBESTE! *cheek squish!*

 **CzarTwhomp** : WOOOOOOO back to you! Glad that our first chapter inspired so much excitement in you.

 **Forgreatcoffee:**

 **JP:** Nick is way too paro! If the Judge can't even notice when an 8-year-old suddenly has jugs the size of his head, he won't notice a little bluffing! XD

 **CzarThwomp** : If Phoenix started singing this song in court, I personally think the Judge would acquit the defendant out of fear of the defense attorney hurting him, followed by Payne bursting into tears.


	3. No One Objects Like Edgeworth!

_JP: I am dedicating this one to sweetie FF writer/fellow Cannuck,_ _Sebastian0001 because they love Fredgeworth and Miles! Also want to give mad kudos again to my co-pilot for this suggestion. Hope you guys like my attempt at song-fic comedy. It's not my niche like funny man CT but hell, I tried!_

 _CzarThwomp: We loved this idea on the grounds of knowing how devastated Edgeworth was after his first loss, what with him staring gloomily out his window while sipping tea, he'd need some major cheering up from everyone's favorite underpaid detective._

* * *

 **No One Objects Like Edgeworth!  
 _(Sung by Miles Gasworth and Detective Dickfou)_**  
 ** _Parody of "Gaston" from Disney's Beauty & The Beast)_**

 **Edgeworth:**

Who does Wright think he is?

That rookie attorney has tangled with the wrong man!

No mere greenhorn defense could have defeated Miles Edgeworth!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

Huh! Darn right, sir!

* * *

 **Edgeworth** :

Case dismissed! Not Guilty!

Publicly degraded! Why, it's more than I can bear!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe**_ :

More tea?

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

What for? Perfect conviction record vanquished! I am dishonored! Manfred will never forgive me!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

Who, you? Never! Mr. Edgeworth, sir, you've got to turn that frown upside down!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe**_ :

Sir it bums me out to see you like this

Sitting hunched over and slumped

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be like you sir

Even when down in the dumps

There's no man in court as esteemed as you

You're an Ace Prosecutor type guy

Ev'ryone strives to be just like you sir

Lemme show you the evidence why…

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe**_ :

 _*sings*_

No one's smart as Edgeworth

No one's posh as Edgeworth

No one's wallet's incredibly thick as Edgeworth's

For there's no man in town half as wealthy

Perfect, a pure prodigy!

You can ask any Payne, Dick or Larry

And they'll tell you on whose side that they wanna be

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe and Chorus**_ :

No one's keen like Edgeworth

A chess king like Edgeworth

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

No one's got a cold, steely-eyed glare like Edgeworth

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

To all criminals I am intimidating!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe and Chorus:**_

My what a champ, that Edgeworth!

Give five "HOLD-IT's!"

Give twelve "TAKE THAT's!"

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

Edgeworth is most cool

And the rest are all fools

* * *

 _Chorus:_

No one objects like Edgeworth

Convicts crooks like Edgeworth

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

In a courtroom battle nobody points like Edgeworth!

* * *

 _Fangirls: (Wendy Oldbag/Rhoda Teneiro/Ema Skye) *fan themselves*_

For there's no man who slams their bench harder

* * *

 **Edgeworth** _*points to his biceps under his suit jacket*_

I've got gym muscles hidden right here!

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

Not a bit of him's flabby or spindly

* * *

 **Edgeworth:** Indeed!

 _*tosses his head so his long bangs fly up and then fall back into immaculate place*_

And I always have perfect, coiffed hair…

* * *

 _Chorus:_

No one's style's like Edgeworth's

Dresses sharp like Edgeworth

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

In the man's fashion world nobody shines like Edgeworth

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

I'm especially good at accessorizing!

 _*whips out a pair of matching cufflinks to go with his ensemble*_

Eureka!

* * *

 _Chorus_ :

No penalties for Edgeworth!

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

When I was a lad I read four dozen books

Ev'ry evening to help me grow smart

And now that I'm grown I've a genius IQ

Turned prosecution right into an art!

* * *

 _Chorus:_

No other beaut like Edgeworth

Struts in suits like Edgeworth

* * *

 _ **Gumshoe:**_

Inspires frothing desire in the femmes like Edgeworth

* * *

 **Edgeworth:**

I use logic in all my investigating!

* * *

 _Chorus:_

We are ALL GUILTY of loving Edgeworth!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 1:**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **JP:** Li Shang is a completely underrated Disney Prince hunk! Why do you think the jealous Winston Payne equivalent guy kept calling him pretty boy? :p

 **CT:** I'm glad you're enjoying this fanfic so far.

 **Thefreelancerseal**

 **JP:** I am almost Von Karma levels of attempted perfectionist when it comes to lining up the lyrics of the songs including attempts to rhyme my replacement lyrics/syllable count so I'm really happy you thought this lined up well! I imagine any moment now the ancestor of Prosecutor AUCHI (DGS) will WAYLAND Payne from being the everlasting DA whipping boy! :p

 **Chapter 2:**

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Well, from one Pokémon fan to another, I hope that this chapter was to your liking.

 **JP:** I actually have never played Pokémon or watched the cartoon - I fell in love with the catchy melody when it was parodied on an episode of _The Simpsons_ one Lisa fell in love with "Peekemon Get" so I figured even if you don't know the fandom the catchy tune would have universal appeal when I presented the song challenge to my talented copilot - and as always he delivered! :-)

 **FloraAlice**

 **CT:** If we do a parody of "One Jump Ahead", I can easily see Apollo as the monkey. It's the role he was born to play!

 **JP:** Number one thank you so much for the kind words along here, along with the shout out to me on your wall! I automatically like anybody who is a Fredgeworth fan and you are very talented writer! (in case I didn't gush enough in my review!) I hope people check out your steamy Miles X Franziska piece, because it deserves all the love in the world! Number two, I share my partner's stance on the office butt monkey being the perfect candidate for your Aladdin request! :)

 **Yankeegal13**

 **CT:** JP, your thoughts?

 **JP:** I'm assuming you meant that you wanted Athena singing a JP/CT silly parody of "You've Got a Friend in Me?" Like Athena singing about how she's got a good coworker in Apollo, a good brother figure in Simon, or something like that?

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** As von Karmas, both Manfred and Franziska can perfectly speak any language with no signs of an accent whatsoever- even when the former is singing about his quest to "convict them all!"

 **JP:** Hey you with the smooshed sweet cheeks! :p

Wanna hear a fun trivia fact? Do you ever wonder why singers club and accent whether speaking like a lot of British singers, tend to have none when singing? In a nutshell, it has a lot to do with phonetics, the pace at which they sing and speak, and the air pressure from one's vocal chords. As far as why "American" and not some other accent, it's simply because the generic "American" accent is fairly neutral. Even American singers, if they have, for instance, a strong "New Yorker" or perhaps a "Hillbilly" accent, will also tend to lose their specific accent, gravitating more towards neutral English, unless they are actively trying not to, as many Country singers might. A song's melody cancels out the intonations of speech, followed by the beat of the music cancelling out the rhythm of speech. Once this takes place, singers are forced to stress syllables as they are accented in the music, which forces singers to elongate their vowels. I figure that would be the case of the Von Karma's singing too – although it never occurred to me to have Franny singing this tune, just not so Daddy Dearest. But now I keep picturing The Mean Whipping Lady belting it out!

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

**CT:** That was the primary image that kept popping up in my mind when I was writing this song. Specifically, the part where Bulbasaur is on its side before being captured; except in my mind, Bulbasaur's face was swapped out with Phoenix's sweating expression. Though when battling defense attorneys, Manfred always remembers to use False Swipe, because the last time he didn't, DL-6 happened.

 **JP:** Never before have I ever pictured Nosferatu in conjunction with _balls_ of _any_ sort (imagery I could happily have done without!) But in this case that was just freaking funny AF, just like my favorite funny lady! Glad you're enjoying our musical madness so far!


	4. Brace Yourselves

_CzarThwomp: This song was especially fun for me to write since I can very easily imagine Kristoph doing something like this. What makes it even better is that in my head canon, Kristoph is a huge Shirley Temple fan. So he'd know his way around a musical number._

 _JP: Thanks again for all the love you've given us thus far. I know you're going to love funny man's parody of Scar Hitler – er I mean, Sieg Heil, mein Führer! :p_

 _*As a brief note, anything in [ ]brackets is standard dialogue or simply text informing the reader of what's going on._

* * *

 **"Brace Yourselves"** _ **  
**_ **(Sung by Prison Lead Bitchtoff Gavin to the tune of "Be Prepared" from**  
 **Disney's _The Lion_ _King)*_**

 _[In the prison recreation area, Kristoph is pacing back and forth in front of Roger Retinz, Furio Tigre, and Redd White before proceeding to sing.]_

It may seem like we've been defeated in society's eyes,  
Our endeavors unraveling at the seams.  
But if my plan can receive acceptance with no compromise,  
We may yet accomplish our hopes and dreams.

* * *

I know you're all selfish and vain,  
Like Narcissus at the spring's bank.  
But please, to help keep me sane,  
Hear my words and don't let me feel manqué.

* * *

It's clear from your grating sneers,  
That you couldn't care in the slightest,  
But this is revenge for the wrongs of former years,  
Against a man who thinks that he's highest!

* * *

So brace yourselves for the time of your lives.  
Brace yourselves for when we are through.  
A wondrous age,  
As we quell our rage.

* * *

 _[_ _ **"And where exactly do we come in?"**_ _Retinz asks with a look of disdain.]_

 _[" **Just listen to the kingpin!"**_ _Kristoph sings, pushing up his glasses to hide his irritation on his face.]_

* * *

This may be debauched,  
But our hopes won't be squashed,  
When I finally get my dues,  
And my enemy is put in his place!  
Brace yourselves!

* * *

 _[_ _ **"I'll brace myself! I'll brace myself good! …What am I bracin' for?"**_ _Tigre asks, his sneer turning into a look of bewilderment as he cocks his head in confusion.]_ [

 _ **"For the death of the dastardly man who put us here: Phoenix Wright!"**_ _Kristoph hisses through clenched teeth with crossed arms and a piercing glare.]_

 _[_ _ **"Why? Is he diseasick?"**_ _Redd smirks, prompting the blond mastermind to growl in discontent.]_

 _ **["No, you pink-haired butcher of the English language, we're going to murder him, as well his daughter and protégé, and show the world how he so wrongly tarnished my reputation!"]**_

 _[_ _ **"Now you're speaking my language!"**_ _Retinz excitedly chimes in, flashing his signature 'hang loose,_ _baby!' gesture._ _**"Death to that Gramarye brat! Death to that whole ragtag agency! I can't wait until they're all consumed by my flames!"**_ _The former magician cackles, a ball of fire forming in his palm as he extends his arm out.]  
_  
 _[_ _ **"You short-sighted man…"**_ _Kristoph sneers with a shake of his head._ _**"We're not going to put Wright's agency out of business."**_ _]  
_  
 _ **["Umm… But didn't youse say-"**_ _Tigre tries to ask, only to be quickly interrupted.]  
_  
 _ **["I will take the Anything Agency for myself, and use its 'good' name to rebuild my career anew! Help me achieve this goal, and you'll be able to do all of the twisted, illegal acts you desire with no legal repercussions whatsoever!"**_ _Kristoph loudly proclaims with a raised fist.]_

 _ **["Long live the plan!"**_ _The three others bellow at the top of their lungs in unison before they start singing themselves, along with several other prisoners who became intrigued after hearing the discussion.]_

* * *

We love that we'll soon have an attorney,  
Who appreciates our goals and means.

 _[Kristoph chuckles slightly under his breath before resuming his singing, with the other prisoners serving as his chorus.]_

* * *

But as you can imagine, my friends,  
You're expected to follow my orders to the letter.  
Our futures are filled with opportunity,  
And while I'm a very patient man,  
I must really emphasize:  
YOU WON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BETRAY ME!

* * *

So brace yourselves for my rise to power! _(Oooh!)_  
Brace yourselves to snuff out Wright's foolish ideals. _(Oooh… Ha! Ha! Ha!)_  
Careful scheming, _(We'll be rich!)  
_ My logic teeming, _(This city's ours!)_  
My temperament always cool, _(Vices we vow!)  
_ Is why you'll, _(They'll all bow!)_  
Know me with no peer,  
An illustrious career,  
And seen for the legal genius I am!  
Yes, my hatred and determination are my helves,  
Brace yourselves!

* * *

 _[The other prisoners sing in unison with the former defense attorney.]_

Yes, our hatred and determination are our helves,  
Brace yourselves!

[ _As the song comes to an end, Kristoph's deranged, chilling laughter fills the area.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 3**

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** Thank you kindly, dear reader! Remember we are open to suggestions too! :)

 **CT:** Glad that you enjoyed it.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I actually went and watched _Mulan_ so I could get "Make a Man Out of You" just Wright! (I also saw _Anastacia_ because a reader requested some songs from there but I digress!) So _make_ the time! Invest in feeding your artistic soul with the music that is Disney! You know that I know that you know that I know you wanna! :D

 **CT:** So many great films, so little time. That's a pain I know all too well.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** I leave you in the very talented and more than capable hands of my copilot!

 **CT:** Don't worry, we're working on your parody idea and it's been a pretty fun one to write. Though that's not saying much since all of these parodies have been a blast to make.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** You know me, I tend to sneak music into pretty much all of my works so by now I imagine you use to having cross-reference some of my chosen tunes on the video channel! :p

That being said since you're one of my favorite readers, and have excellent taste in Disney movies that make you blubber, for _you_ I will sob my way through "Remember Me" the same way I did the first time I watched _Coco_!

 **CT:** You're not alone in not having the most extensive knowledge of Disney songs. That's one of the reasons why JP and I are so open to ideas.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I finally invested in Netflix with a live-action version of _Beauty and the Beast_ is featured and was unable to resist singing my own version of the lyrics when the song "Gaston" came up, just like I saying "Make a (Free Man) Out Of You" when I watched _Mulan_ the weekend before! You just leave your _not a request it's a suggestion_ song pick of "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind" from _The Great Mouse Detective_ with us! ;)

 **CT:** Don't worry about it! As long as you're having a good time reading this story, you can review the chapters in whatever order you want.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** the idea of Nick flashing his badge around singing "look at this badge, isn't it neat?" Reminds me that _The Little Mermaid_ does give me a lot of potential to work with - and of course I mean _music wise_ and _not_ because the original movie art had a part of the castle shaped like the very thing that you're referring to that coincides with the _other_ bulge in Edgeworth's pants! Shameless I know – this IS supposed to be clean Disney fun, Wright? XD

 **CT:** Thick, luscious hair that's always perfect and coifed is nothing to kid about. The image of Mermaid Phoenix being so fascinated in his badge could be applied to pretty much every defense attorney in the series. Heck, I could imagine them all living in an underwater city made of attorney's badges.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Ewwww! Nobody wants to picture Wendy Oldbag "peaking" or be/have _her_ "peeking" in any way, shape or form! XD  
It's a true sign of how depressed Edgeworth was considering he didn't pull his signature _NGH_! upon seeing her amongst his fan girl triad of singers, or send that glass of wine flying in her direction is distraction before he could flee! As for your song request – consider it a given!

 **CT:** Though knowing Edgeworth's resemblance to a certain London prosecutor from the late 19th and early 20th century, I wouldn't be surprised if he just nonchalantly shattered his glass of wine in his fist right before singing

 **AlyCat20**

 **JP:** Stifle not, dear reader, for: _As soap is to the body, so laughter is to the soul!_ Live, laugh, love! 'Tis all me and my fave funny man inspired to do with these parodies, and we are delighted by the wonderful reader feedback! You had me at _Phaya_ with "Kiss the Girl" which was also requested by another reader as well, so consider it done! As for Tangled, it's a hero/villain comic gem – CT and I are flipping for it!

 **CT:** Well, if you liked the songs posted so far, then you'll be glad to know that we've got plenty more where they came from. You're not alone in regards to these parodies forever altering how you see these songs; for that's also happened to me- especially with some of the songs that have yet to be uploaded.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** When I wrote this, I was picturing Edgeworth fuming over his loss to Nick, grumbling in his office and brooding over drinking tea when all of a sudden Gumshoe comes along, tries unsuccessfully to pick him up at first, then erupts into song, which causes the rest of the Prosecutor's Office and the Edgeworth fan girls to impromptu burst in as well and join in the chorus! XD

 **CT:** When a reader can easily imagine the characters singing these kinds of songs, especially more prim and proper characters like Edgeworth, it's quite the compliment. Though considering that Edgeworth is the king of closeted "Steel Samurai" fanboys, I wouldn't put it past him to sing to himself when no one's looking; especially if the song is about him.


	5. He's a Schlampe

_JP: This request goes out to PurpleHoodedAngel who wanted to see what I could do with this sassy tune originally sung by Peggy Lee for Lady's love interest, the Tramp. I'm not sure if you're a fan of Klema like I am dear reader, but I couldn't think of a bigger_ _ **horn dog**_ _than Klavier! :p_

 _CT: For those of you who love Ema, here's another chapter where our favorite Snackoo-addicted forensics investigator plays a major role. Though this time, instead of being condemned to Hell by a prosecutor that looks more feminine than her, she experiences a bit of puppy love for a certain fop dog._

* * *

" **He's a Schlampe *"**  
 **(** _ **Sung by Ema Skye regarding a certain bling-loving,  
German speaking/Europhile  
to the tune of "He's a Tramp"  
from Disney's "Lady and The Tramp")**_

What a fop  
What a fop

* * *

He's a _Schlampe_ , groupies love him  
Beds new fangirls every day  
He's a _Schlampe_ , they adore him  
Thongs drop when he looks their way

* * *

He's a _Schlampe_ , he's a _Mann Hure_  
He's a rock star, he's a rake  
He's a _Schlampe_ , and he knows it  
That's why I loathe him, make no mistake

* * *

Laughs out loud when I blow my top  
He makes my blood pressure double  
Guess he's just a good-natured fop  
Oh dear, I think I'm in trouble

* * *

He's a _Schlampe_ , easy lover  
But he's got charm, I must say  
Yes he's a _Schlampe_ , but a nice guy  
And I wish that he would look twice my way  
Wish that he would look twice my way  
Wish that he would look twice my way

* * *

 _* Schlampe – Slut_

 _*Mann Hure - Man Whore_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 4**

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** "Singing in the Courtroom"- making you want to binge-watch Disney films since March 10, 2018.

 **JP:** when you say you're to watch _one_ of _The Lion_ _King_ movies, I beg of thee, stick with the original! As far as I'm concerned, much like a sequel to Mulan, part two ( _Simba's Pride_ ) _didn't happen_! Once you do watch my all-time favorite Disney film though, let us know what you think but _be prepared_ to have the handkerchief handy because it's a tearjerker!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** The only difference between Scar and Kristoph is that the former wasn't driven to revenge over losing a game of poker. I'll admit, it took several hours and about 50 rounds of "Be Prepared" to write this parody, but to know that you enjoyed it makes it all worth it.

 **JP:** I'm assuming the other villain song, which took some precedence over "Be Prepared" that you speak of, happen to be your musical request, pal? :p

Indeed parody is not easy but your song of choice was left in the hands of my copilot who is a comedic genius and I know he will do it Justice!  
 **  
Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** Considering the all the strange people and even stranger criminals in the "Ace Attorney" universe, this is probably just another Tuesday for these guards.

 **JP:** I think at this point the jaded guards are the same level as the judge (good ol' Jughead Chambers!)Who matches some in being unshakable when it comes to outlandish events at this point in the Ace Attorney world! Let's not forget these same guards are probably on a first name basis with Maya Fey, frequent flyer temporary prisoner extraordinaire, who probably also has a revolving door with her name on it!

 **AlyCat20**

 **CT:** Kristoph being German- a blond-haired, blue-eyed one, no less- was one of his many traits that convinced me that this parody would fit him like a glove. And let me tell you, with Kristoph's planet-sized ego, this one was a blast to write!

 **JP:** The goose-stepping scavengers was definitely not a coincidence, and Disney was lambasted over the racism of the hyenas! Of course, this is quickly superseded by the fact that when Simba flopped down onto that pile of magical dust/leaves which led wise Rafiki to find him, apparently when everything blew into the air and briefly spelled: _SEX !_


	6. Putrid Hellfire

_CzarThwomp: When I first played SoJ back in 2016, "Hellfire" immediately popped into my head the second Nahyuta started talking about people being damned for their sins. Though immediately after, I knew that was an unjust comparison- Frollo is waaaay more pleasant and benevolent than Prosecutor Elsa. Sure, Frollo may have tried to commit genocide, but at least he wasn't telling everyone to move on and let it go whenever someone challenged him._

 _JP: So many Disney songs, so little time! TheFreelancerSeal – great minds think alike! You and my fave funny man_ _ **both**_ _thought of parodying what you declared to be "the best Disney villain song of all time!"_

 _We are so fortunate to have such terrific, interactive readers offering us their ideas! However, while we are open to ideas, doesn't mean we will or even can write them_ _exactly_ _the way it's requested. As the authors, we have the right to alter and tweak them as we see fit, or can't get the desired parody to gel with the requested song. That being said, we're having a blast doing these, and will do our best to accommodate as many song suggestions as possible! :)_

 _ **MUSIC NEWS!**_

 _ **LISTEN UP MUSIC FANS!**_ ** _My kind friend and wonderful FF Wrighter,_** _ **Flora Alice**_ ** _created a playlist of my mini-musical disguised as a fan fiction,_** _ **Turnabout Everlasting**_ ** _! Check out the full eclectic list of all_** _ **171 SONGS!  
**_ _ **bit dot ly/2Jbg91m**_

* * *

 **"Putrid Hellfire"  
** _ **(**_ **Sung by Prosecutor Flutter to the tune of "Hellfire"  
** **from Disney's** _ **The Hunchback of Notre Dame)**_

 _[The afternoon after Trucy is acquitted for the murder of Manov Mistree, Nahyuta is pacing around his temporary office, thinking of how this case could have gone so wrong for him. When suddenly, thoughts of Detective Ema Skye enter the monk's mind, compelling him to burst into song.]_

Holy Mother,  
You know I try my very best,  
To maintain order and piety in the name of Your holy land.

* * *

Holy Mother,  
You've seen my talents do Your work,  
To push the putrid, sinful rebels towards disband.

* * *

Then explain to me, Holy Mother,  
Why I see her investigating there,  
Her teal eyes boring into my most holy soul?

* * *

I hear her, I see her,  
Her dainty hand gripping Snackoos,  
Makes me wish that she was holding mine instead!

* * *

Like fire,  
Putrid hellfire,  
This moral filth under my skin!  
This putrid,  
Desire,  
Is leading me down a path of sin!

* * *

 _[A multitude of ghostly men wearing emerald-colored robes that shroud their faces in darkness surround Nahyuta and serve as the chorus.]_

I did no wrong!  
 _(Commodo conclusi.)  
_  
I do right always!  
 _(Commodo abire.)  
_  
It's the detective girl,  
with her putrid scientific ways!  
 _(Cur non hoc culus omittamus?)_

I do right always!  
 _(Nemo amat vos.)  
_  
But why is it,  
 _(Tu pessima accusator semper.)_

Where I have putrid desires,  
That make me a hypocrite?  
 _(Etiam habemus fines!)_

 _[The robed men vanish in a burst of flames.]_

* * *

Save me, Holy Mother!  
Please don't let her evil science win,  
Don't let her poison my soul like a blight!  
Destroy Detective Skye,  
And make her suffer for that putrid sin,  
Or have her be mine so she can see Your holy light!

* * *

 _[Suddenly, Nahyuta's song is interrupted by a knock at his door.]_

 _ **["Come in."**_ _The monk calmly responds, prompting Ema to open the door and enter the room._ _**"Ah, Detective Skye. To what do I owe this pleasure?"]**_

 _ **["I'm just here to remind you that our flight to Khura'in leaves in two hours. And if you're forcing me to come with you, the least you can do is focus less on songs that I can't really hear through these thick walls and more on getting your stuff ready so we don't miss our flight."**_ _The forensic investigator irritably states with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.]  
_  
 _ **["Don't worry, Detective Skye. The Holy Mother will ensure that we are on time. Just please give me a minute so I can finish what I was doing."**_ _Nahyuta warmly requests.]  
_  
 _ **["*Sigh…* Fine. But only a minute! Any more and I'll be pelting you with Snackoos until you ARE ready!"**_ _Ema growls as she pulls out a bag of her favorite snacks and starts devouring the chocolaty treats inside.]_

 _ **["Thank you. Oh, and Detective Skye, please close the door on your way out."]**_

[ _As soon as the door closes, Nahyuta resumes singing as if nothing happened_.]

* * *

Putrid hellfire,  
Sinful acts,  
Now Detective, it's your choice:  
Join me or,  
Face the axe.  
Be damned or love me and rejoice!

* * *

Holy Mother have mercy on me…  
Holy Mother Have mercy on Detective Skye…  
But she shall choose me,  
Or she shall diiiiieeeeeee!

* * *

 _ **Translations:  
Commodo conclusi. = Please shut up.  
Commodo abire. = Please go away.  
Cur non hoc culus omittamus? = Why won't this asshole stop talking?  
Nemo amat vos. = No one loves you.  
Tu pessima accusator semper. = You're the worst prosecutor ever.  
Etiam habemus fines! = Even we have limits!**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 5**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Although I'm mostly known for being shameless Phaya trash, dear reader, I loved writing Ema's love song, as I absolutely adore the nerdy science beauty and the _Mann Hure,_ and they will be back as part of the Euro Trip arc in TE really soon! That being said, if you're jonesing for some Klema fluff, (I'm sure you're also aware that I have no problem pimping out works of my loyal readers!) check out chapters 7-8 of _Heart-Warming Java Shots_ posted by my friend and friendly reader, Godot – er, _Forgreatcoffee_. Positively _cavity inducing!_

 **CT:** Klema's like fresh air, fruit, and good fanfiction- you can never have too much of it.

 **InjusticeforAll**

 **JP:** _En primer lugar, ya que es la primera vez que tengo escuchado de ti, querido lector, muchas gracias para su revision!  
_ The parody of "Gaston" appears to have been readers favourite so far among my parodies, but I had no idea up until I did the song from _Lady and the Tramp_ just how many Klema shippers were out there! Out of curiosity, since there your secondary OTP, who is your first? I would like very much to think that while probably appealing to both genders, (because let's face it, Klavier is hot as _los cojones del diablo_!) that the _schlampe_ fop can attribute his flamboyancy to being _European_! XD  
I have seen the pairing of Larry and Franziska, although I prefer him with Iris but he has appeared to have a crush on both in canon so either one will do (The Bro Code be damned - it doesn't matter that the latter is his best friend's ex!) The aforementioned Khur'ain Galadriel had his singing debut this chapter, although I suppose the song was about as _far_ from Elsa as you can get! :p

You mentioned you would like to have the fop singing a ballad to Ema, did you have a particular song request?

 **CT:** That's one of the beauties of the Klema: it's the perfect example the classic saying "opposites attract." I can easily see them growing on each other as they continue to take on cases together. Sure, Ema may get irritated by Klavier and his fangirls, but I personally see it as a bit of adorable jealousy.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! Weird Al Jankovic is the DA MAN! The forever crowned King of Parody, and an absolute lyrical genius and I couldn't even dream of holding a candle to him, as I am no musician and merely a geek who loves music way too much! That being said it is still flattering nevertheless to even be put in the same sentence as him, bud! :)  
I have always been more of a dog person than a person,so due to the evil twin Siamese cats in this movie, and their horrible treatment of poor Lady, that alone was enough to turn me off of the movie, even if it is classic Disney romance at its finest! Nevertheless, that spaghetti smooching scene is timeless, (remember when I had Phoenix and Maya emulate it during Miles's hellacious plane ride in TE?) and I can't believe it got me shipping a pair of dogs! XD  
One of our readers pointed out that you have to love _somewhat_ to hate so fervently, ergo must single-handedly trying to ensure that the fop doesn't sire future mini- _schlampes_ must've stemmed from a whole lot of passion, Wright? :p

 **CT:** After reading your comment, I can't help but imagine JP starting the Church of Klema to preach the Good Ship; with me writing our sacred parodies denouncing Nahyuta, a.k.a. Putrid Prosecutor Torpedo Elsa, as seen in this most recent chapter. Just don't eat the Snackoos and you'll be fine.

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** Yay! Another Klema fan! I never would have dreamed such a short but sweet song could have brought so many of them out of the woodwork, but I'm delighted that you enjoyed your request. I have a list of the rest of them, and I'd like to think I could probably do a whole lot of though unfortunately not _all_ of them (I know my limitations and the hauntingly beautiful "Once Upon a December" from _Anastasia_ is nigh impossible!) That being said, my talented copilot on his own accord, will be covering one of the equally famous songs from that magical film, so please keep an eye out for it! :-)

 **CT:** It's always good to see a fellow Klema shipper enjoying our work involving the odd couple of a playful rock star/prosecutor and a snarky forensic investigator.

 **AJSkye77**

 **JP:** I'm delighted that you liked it! "The lady doth protest too much"… _es verdad por Ema, no?_ I imagine the comparatively virtuous scientist uses the rock star's supposed promiscuity as more fuel for her scathing fire (as if she needs any more ammo!) But eventually she is going to run out of excuses for her defensiveness, I'm sure! And even if she doesn't… That _is_ what fanfiction is for, Wright? :p

 **CT:** Though not as much trouble as she will be if she turns down Nahyuta's advances, if this current chapter is of any indication.

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** Time for a shameless self-promotion moment (hey I pimp out others so why not? It's still lyric related!): I actually _did_ write a song for the red attorney based on the famous _Shrek_ tune by All Stars called _"Pushing Boundaries."_ That being said, I do enjoy using Apollo as my musical muse for parodies, and it is specially amuses me that you asked for horned head and not the putrid _Melsa_ (aka _Man Elsa_ ) to be the feature of the _Frozen_ earworm from hell! XD  
I only mention Polly's existing starring songfic to perhaps scratch your Boy Wonder Disney musical itch in the meantime, because your wish is my command! Look out for your fulfilled request in the next couple of chapters dear reader! :)

 **CT** : Rest assured, JP is on the case and I think you'll like what she's done when we upload it.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** Have you seen _The Lion King_ yet? Let us know your confirmed everlasting Disney watch list! XD  
That being said, since you kindly take the time to drop us an appreciate of line in between all your musical watching, in return we would be happy to fulfil any song request you might have, dear reader. :)

 **CT:** And now there's a good chance you'll never be able to watch the film again without picturing Lady munching on Snackoos and Tramp mixing several German phrases into his sentences. You're welcome!

 **Yankeegal13**

 **JP:** You're the second reader to ask for that song from Aladdin. It's on the list!

 **CT:** Yes, we love Klavier. He's a real sweetheart with a deranged brother who is just as fun to write for. As for your request, it'll be uploaded relatively soon and we hope that you'll like it.


	7. Let It Blow

_JP: After those somewhat blasphemous (yet hilarious!) lusty lyrics sung a certain Salacious Monk, coupled with the somewhat disturbing images of fire and brimstone from last chapter, I thought we would lighten things up with this ode to Apollo, upon discovery of those infamous Chords Of Steel - bleeding eardrums of everybody around him be damned!_

 _If Disney's ultimate ear-worm from hell gets stuck in your head as much as it did mine in writing this, don't blame me… This was done at the request of reader FSOA! (Hope you like it - and kudos at least for not asking for me do it about the putrid AA "Let It Go" spewer, aka la loathsome Elsa – TOO EASY and typical!) Look, I even made an image for this one! :p_

 ** _i dot imgur dot com/m29TAgr dot jpg_**

 _CT: One of these days, Apollo will finally reach a limit to just how much teasing he can take regarding his hair, his voice, and his very being. And when the day comes, he will march through the streets yelling this song at the top of his lungs while the police try in vain to sedate him with round after round of tranquilizer darts. So the moral of the story, dear readers: Never tell Apollo to "let it go and move on", or he will tell you to "let it blow!"_

* * *

 _ **"Let It Blow"  
**_ **(** **Belted out to the tune of "Let It Go"  
** **from Disney's** _ **Frozen)**_

The qualms haunt me in my bed at night  
Like tormentors, ever mean  
Taunting that I'm defective  
Barely heard or ever seen  
My anger's toiling like a slowly churning tide  
Won't be knocked down, I've still got my prideeee

* * *

Can't turn back now, can't run or flee  
Be the best lawyer I could ever be  
Conceal these doubts, don't let them showwww  
Well here I goooo!

* * *

Let it blow, let it blow  
Can't keep quiet anymore  
Let it blow, let it blow  
Chords of Steel since AA 4!  
I don't care if they whinge or stray!  
Courtroom battle's on  
This booming shout of mine remains here to stay

* * *

Compared to those around me  
My Horn Head self seems small  
Yet my quest in seeking justness  
Has me standing proud and tall!

* * *

It's time to prove what I can do  
Pushing boundaries in proving the truth  
Here comes Justice for all to seeeee  
This is meeeee!

* * *

Let it blow, let it blow  
I'm one loudmouthed little guy  
Let it blow, let it blow  
I'll fight until I die  
HOLD IT'S fly as I pound these fists  
Courtroom battle's on!

* * *

My perceive powers are unlike any arounddddd  
My cross-examination drives this case right to the groundddd!  
Lies materializing show testimonies not steadfastttt  
I'm gonna win this trial, just like the others pastttt!

* * *

Let it blow, let it blow  
Can't ignore the roar of this voice  
Let it blow, let it blow  
There was no other choice  
Objections fly while I defend awayyyyyyy  
Courtroom battle's onnnnnnnn  
This booming shout of mine remains here to stay

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 5**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** Yes, but compared to his brother and bandmate, Klavier's squeaky-clean

 **JP:** I have a head canon that Klavier fancies his theme song to be "Dirty White Boy" by foreigner because he figures it pays to advertise… He's kinda shameless that way! Also, those cats suck! Not a feline fan at all - unless we're talking wild/jungle variety!

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **JP:** I can't stop laughing every time you refer to the fop as a pimp! If he were to ever do a personalized Elvis cover it no doubt would be called "I ain't nothing but a HORN dog!" XD  
I think Ema would probably faint at the thought of spawning a litter of mini _schlampes_ in blond Yarini's image at this point, but you know how charming and convincing these rock stars can be! ;)

 **Chapter 6**

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** There's a "Hunchback of Notre Dame" musical? Well, I'll have to give it a listen sometime.

 **JP:** "Another Whole New World" request – coming up! (Also, didn't know there was a musical! Need to check that out too!)

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** While "Simba's Pride" wasn't the best thing Disney ever created, they did a pretty good job of giving Zira a solid song. Too bad Capcom didn't make Kristoph a dark version of Phoenix by giving him his own cute female sidekick and an adopted child; otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to write a parody of it.

 **JP:** Indeed, my copilot is hilarious regardless of what language he writes in! I will admit that _The Lion King 2_ was not the _worst_ of all Disney sequels (for example there is _Mulan 2_ which scored **0%** on Rotten Tomatoes!) It's just that the original is my favourite Disney movie of all time… Perhaps it's not fair to compare anything to it as it such a tough act to follow but put it this way if there were any songs in the second movie, I can't remember _any_ of them! Regarding your question about chapter 5, yes, _Mann Hure_ does translate from German into _man whore_ which I overlooked in making a footnote for, but after I saw your note I actually did put the translation note at the end of "He's a Schlampe" just in case anybody else wondered about the interpretation, so thanks! :)

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** I know! To me, Nahyuta's sudden change of heart wasn't touching like Edgeworth's was during "Turnabout Samurai" or at the end of "Turnabout Goodbyes", but rather made him come off as an even bigger traitor. I mean, this is the guy who didn't hesitate to ruthlessly fight against everything that he and his father believed in solely because Ga'ran threatened to ruin Rayfa's reputation by revealing her relation to Dhurke.

Now, Nahyuta is a smart guy, as seen by how Edgeworth requested him to help out the understaffed LA Prosecutor's Office. So unless Torpedo Elsa is a natural traitor, how could he have not realized that Ga'ran revealing Rayfa's lineage would be more detrimental to her, if anything? I mean, it would result in one of two outcomes: either the nation sees Ga'ran as some shameless slut who cheated on her husband with the number-one enemy of the state who killed her sister, or reveal how Amara wasn't really killed, thus shaking the citizens' trust in the Royal Family and making them more inclined to side with the Dragons in their coup.

So with all that in mind, Nahyuta shifting sides during "Turnabout Revolution" comes off more as him joining the winning team, rather than him trying to do what's right. But what makes it worse is the fact that His Ephemeral Holiness comes off as if he's better and more honorable than everyone else.

Sorry about the rant. I just can't stand Nahyuta's character.

 **JP:** I am absolutely delighted that you're Klema fan and that you enjoyed Ema as a lovelorn lamenter in chapter 5, fave funny girl! I agree with you 100% about how there was no epic heel turning for the latent sheet heel that was Prosecutor Sad Monk in Spirit of Justice that made him bearable whatsoever, compounded by his despicable manipulation of Apollo at the very end to boot! I never would've thought to draw the parallel to Lana but that is an excellent analogy – indeed RFTA handled the whole puppet/puppet master angle much better! The idea of the pious monk agonizing over wanting to break his stringent vegetarian diet to sink his teeth into the juicy flesh…of a burger is hilarious!

 **InjusticeforAll**

 **CT:** I'm glad you liked the Latin portions. I was originally planning on using romaji, since Khura'inese is a styled form of hiragana Japanese. However, it was a pain trying to find a reliable translator, so I decided to cut my loses the second I found a Latin translator that actually did its job. Comparing Nahyuta to the von Karmas is an insult to the latter. Sure, Manfred, Franziska, and Bratsworth were no saints, but at least they were honest about who they were as people. They may have acted like they were better than everyone else, but they didn't act all holier-than-thou by pretending that they were acting in the victim's best interest and that they were kind, loving human beings who wanted everyone to get along. Plus, the von Karmas didn't wish centures of pain and suffering on their adversaries, just a quick, humiliating defeat at their hands… unless, of course, you ruin their perfect records.

 **JP:** *humbly bows to the hat tipping*  
Hee! You called him MELSA! And NO! He the insufferable putrid lover of pepper and yolk omelets (he gave me breakfast cravings insulting the red and yellow lawyer dammit!) deserves to be sent to the Twilight Realm via heavy, oversized THESAURUS falling upon him! XD  
If you like JusticeCykes I think you be happy to know that me and my copilot like them as well so you'll definitely see them popping up at least once! They are the Greek god couple… That is all! There is nothing wrong clichés by the way! Beauty And The Beast is one of my favourite stories of all time and you wouldn't be the first reader to make that request so consider it done!  
The idea of Larry serenading Iris was something that never occurred to me but now I'm going to play around with it and see what I can do! :)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** If the Latin lyrics, as well as my replies to InjusticeforAll and Peoplepersonsof DooM. are of any indication, Nahyuta is my least favorite prosecutor in the entire series. I mean, Nahyuta's reunited with the guy who he saw as a brother after so many years, and what does he do? He condemns Apollo with threats of suffering in Hell and being reincarnated as a stinkbug just for doing his job by defending a sweet girl who is like a sister to him- in more ways than he knows- and making sure she gets due process. Not even Edgeworth, with all of his updated autopsy reports and novice bimbo insults, was that bad when he went against his father's path and became a prosecutor. And mind you, this was a guy who spent 11 years with Manfred von Karma as his mentor.

That's why while many people view "Turnabout Storyteller" as SoJ's weakest case, I love it- not because of the nature of the crime or any of the new characters, but because we get Simon going full-on protective big brother mode and putting Nahyuta in his place for having the gall to dare bully Athena.

"Hellfire" is one of my favorite Disney songs, so to know that you like it so much means a lot to me. I've been playing around with those lyrics in my head the second Nahyuta started talking about damning people to Hell. Y'know, someone need to take that "God damns you to Hell scene" from "Bridge to Terabithia" and make a "Phoenix Wrong" out of it involving Nahyuta.

 **JP:** If I had to pick a lyrics of characters who I despise were not traditional villains in Ace Attorney, MELSA (your nickname for Man Elsa seems to be catching on like Putrid Hellfire bud!) But whom I despise nevertheless, Prosecutor Flutter would be right up there with Fox boy, Trucy's sperm donor, Drew Misham and Not So Mummy Dearest! None of the aforementioned have any redeeming qualities, and the only thing I can say about Sad Monk is he's Disney Princess purty - which would make the aftermath of him banging his head against a wall and bludgeoning up his man-pretty face all the more satisfying! RIP legendary Tony Jay! Never thought one could put anything even remotely associated with the timeless, gifted voice actor _or_ the despot Frollo with this epicene duke of douchebaggery, but hey, Czar is DA MAN! Told ya that villain song was in good hands! ;)


	8. From The Shadows Of Night

_CzarThwomp: I don't know which was harder- having to deal with such a heavy emphasis on the chorus or coming up with lyrics for one of the most forgettable "Ace Attorney" villains ever created. As you'll probably notice, unlike the other songs that I've written for this fanfic, there is no narrative. And that's because I honestly couldn't think of anything more that needed to be said outside of the lyrics. Now sit back and enjoy a song that probably haunted Simon Keyes' nightmares for many years._

 _JP: This zany ditty (from the Miles 2 game) involves President Huang's body double voicing his murderous intentions – so take note of this tune from your beloved Anastasia,_ ** _PurpleHoodedAngel_** _!_

* * *

" **From the Shadows of Night"  
** **Sung to the tune of "In the Dark of the Night" from** ** _Anastasia_**

In the middle of the night my sleep was most restless,  
Made worse by the dream that kept haunting me,  
It almost made my mind break!  
A president uncovered as a fake!  
But then I realized that it was me!

* * *

I was once a loyal body double to Huang,  
 _(Oooh, ah oooh.)  
_ But my hard work was rewarded with only a pang!  
 _(Oooh, ah oooh.)_  
My wrath made him dearly pay,  
But one little orphan boy got away!  
So I must kill him before my plan's foiled with a bang!

* * *

 _(From the shadows of night, the President will find him!)  
(From the shadows of night, the President will make sure he's gone!)_  
No one will oppose me,  
My rule will be so carefree!  
 _(From the shadows of night!)  
_ No one will hear his screams!  
(Wooo ooh ooh)

* * *

My people are becoming displeased more each day,  
So I must not give them more reason to fight back!  
But when my plans fall into place,  
Those fears will be instantly erased!  
So beware, little Simon… for your suffering! 

* * *

_(From the shadows of night, The President will mute him!)  
_ I will be his executioner!  
 _(From the shadows of night, his future looks sooo grim!)_  
Soon he will scream,  
As I destroy his self-esteem!  
 _(From the shadows of night!)  
_ He won't be able to run from me! 

* * *

_(From the shadows of night, The President will mute him!)  
_ I will be his executioner!  
 _(From the shadows of night, his future looks sooo grim!)_  
Soon he will scream,  
As I destroy his self-esteem!  
 _(From the shadows of night!)  
_ He won't be able to run from me!

* * *

 _(From the shadows of night, The President will bludgeon him!)  
(From the shadows of night, his worst fears will come alive!)  
_Foolish boy, you will cry,  
As I gloat and cheer "banzai!"  
 _(From the shadows of night!)  
(From the shadows of night!)_

* * *

Come, my cohorts,  
Work for your boss,  
Help the baddest guy!  
 _(In the shadows of night!)  
_ (In the shadows of-)  
Find him for me,  
And know what I imply!  
 _(From the shadows of night!)  
(From the shadows of night!)  
(From the shadows of night!)  
_Simon Keyes will die!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 7**

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** I am delighted that you enjoyed what I did with your request dear reader. I never would've thought of using Apollo myself in the song where all signs pointed to a certain Braid Headed putrid monk, so thank you for that character suggestion which didn't seem to … _blow_! ;p

 **CT:** We're glad to know that you like it!

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Be like Apollo and do _not_ restrain those vocal cords! Sing it loud and sing it proud… And feel free to email me a recording of your solo while you're at it! LOL

 **CT:** I can't speak for JP, but I'm no hit singer myself. So if you want to record yourself singing this parody, then go for it!

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** I'm Apollo Justice! And I'm… NOISY! LOL  
I do love the fact that the red attorney of diminutive stature is the biggest loudmouth of the bunch, and he's turned it into his secret weapon of sorts as those Chords of Steel ensure he _cannot_ be ignored! I would love to hear a belt off between him and Ron DeLite… Which one of them do you think could shatter glass first? :p

 **CT:** And when Apollo starts singing, the windows in the courtroom break as Klavier, the Judge, and the defendant are sent flying back. It would be like those over-the-top windstorms that happen in the anime every time someone makes an objection.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I knew about the _Frozen_ sequel coming out next winter but did not know about the musical – I looked it up and it didn't make it to Broadway?! WTH?! Did you see the live action with Salma Hayek btw? I have seen a lot of Disney stage plays although yet to see anything that trumps _The Lion King_ on Broadway! I have seen also the wonderful live performance at Disney World/Disneyland in videos, however, and am very much enjoying the fact that they are making live action movies out of the classic Disney cartoons! I loved _Beauty And The Beast_ (indifferent to _Cinderella_ ) and am super stoked about _Mulan_! :)

 **CT:** Nnnnnggghhhhoooooh! Just when I thought we were finally free from the dark days of "Let it Go!", it's coming back in musical-form?! I swear, "Frozen" is like the cockroach of Disney franchises- it never dies!

 **InjusticeforAll**

 **JP:** _Si, es verdad_! That's Melsa from you – Ace Hypocrite! Mr. _Holier Than Thou_ was nothing more than a devoted douche canoe, and I am so happy I got the suggestion of somebody other than Prosecutor Flutter to base the _Frozen_ song around, especially since my copilot had already written a song for him… TWO back to back parodies of my _least favourite character_ in all of SOJ would just be… _putrid!_ I really hate the idea of him being in Ace Attorney 7 and taking up valuable game time from other great characters I'd love to see again, like Fran and Gummy, even though it will be a lot of fun seeing Mr. Fine Frogmouth again …and coming up with new ways to make fun of him! XD

 **CT** : Well, after my experience with Google Translate- which contradicts its own results if you try to translate what you've just translated back into its original language- I tip my hat off to you and your career choice.

This is truly my crowning achievement as a fanfiction writer: writing a song that has inspired street performing. You don't know how flattered I am that your friend was so moved by my work that she actually made you sing it in the street with her. Hopefully it wasn't too bad.

Funny that you mention Blaise and Sebastian, because I've been working on two songs for them that I think you and the rest of the readers are going to love. And as a bonus, both of them are from the same movie.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** They do say that a picture is worth a thousand words! After the introduction of Melsa in Spirit of Justice, what with his character design and catchphrase, and even fan art, all signs would've pointed for him to be the character any parodies would be based on. Ergo, I had to try to help cajole the imagery for readers by seeing his rival defense attorney belting it out instead in full Elsa glory! I'm glad that you can now envision it although I'm sorry if it's permanently seared into your head along with the tune of the earworm from hell like it is for me! The idea of Trucy videotaping her older brother channeling his inner Disney princess is hilarious and something I might try to work and to one of my fanfiction's so thanks in advance for the idea!

 **CT:** Well, that would explain how Trucy managed to rope Apollo into performing in her shows as her assistant!

 **AlyCat20**

 **JP:** I'm still surprised that _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ wasn't rated PG universally because it was such a dark story although nothing of course like the ending original book which has Esmeralda's body thrown down into a pile of corpses…but I digress!

I do believe _Frozen 2_ comes out November next year (including a _new_ version of that iconic ice blue dress bought by millions of little girls worldwide, because hello cash cow!) and I do hope the lovely Elsa finds a worthy Prince to sit beside her on her queenly throne (she's too pretty to rule that ice castle all by her lonesome, especially with Anna paired off!) I almost feel sorry for the creators because whether you love it or hate it, _Let It Go_ is a universal earworm! I am so happy you enjoyed my lyrical ode to Apollo (who I never would have thought of for the song if the reader hadn't suggested him with the request since it seemed destined for Khur'ain Galadriel!) but hurrah that you thought I made it work! Polly may be small, but when he blows…he REALLY lets it blow! (Probably the roofs of houses if he's riled up enough!) :p

Dear reader…the two greatest forms of praise that can be given to any fanfiction writer: any variation of commentary indicating that the writer's work can be/should be canon, and that you can climb aboard that writer's ship, or have your existing ship sails tightened after reading their work. Therefore if that short but sweet ditty about a bunch of lusty b*tches (aha! Proper context!) panting over that sexy _schlampe_ gets you on board the SS. SkyeFop, then I am grinning like an idiot! Thank you so much! :)

 **CT:** AlyCat20: In that case, welcome to the Church of Klema! We have Snackoos and miscellaneous German words. As you can probably tell, I tend to gravitate towards the darker songs in the Disney library. It's not that I hate the lighter ones; it's just that the darker ones tend to have more depth to them.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I do believe you're song request from _The Great Mouse Detective_ has not been refuted and is on the list of my talented copilot I just don't know what number it is on his pending lyrical agenda but don't worry, it's in good hands and one way or another shall be fulfilled! (Especially to one of our most loyal readers!)

Gah! _Melsa_! Perish the thought! My talented partner already gave him enough spotlight in a previous chapter and unless it is specifically reader suggested to me there's not too many Disney songs I can actually think of relating to the man pretty Melsa whatsoever (my disdain for him is willfully interfering with my creativity!) Despite his design and way to overuse catchphrase!

I am glad the repeat cycle of the melody did not dissuade you from enjoying it though, as you have to admit the idea of Apollo prancing around will singing is quite comical especially in _that_ dress! Another reader of mine joked about Trucy filming him secretly while he is doing so which of course means are going to have to write that into one of my fanfictions at some point!

" _I hate you both. That is all."_

It is with great mirth that I note how the disgruntled grumblings of the unsuspecting and supremely tortured Miles Edgeworth in TE directing his ire at the schmoopy Phaya (who by the way you might remember were also doing the famous spaghetti scene from Disney's _Lady and the Tramp_ amongst other sickeningly saccharine displays of PDA, _ad nauseam_!) is stuck in your memory as surely as the earworm (song) from hell last chapter! XD

All I have to say to you now is what The Rock famously sang in Disney's _Moana_ (which is a reader request coming up soon!)… "You're Welcome!" :p

 **CT:** Trust me; I hate that song just as much as you do. That's why I'm so appreciative of JP for taking one for the team and writing such a good parody. Because trust me, with how many times I end up listening to a song when writing my pieces for this, if I had to do "Frozen", I would have a mental breakdown and have to be committed.


	9. Gern Geschehen

_JP: This song is probably the closest canon dynamic to Fredgeworth's competitive bickering that I will ever write, with the whole Brother/Sister thing being taken literally here, since most of my readers know that I ship them romantically! That being said this request was made, JoeClone, as "You're Welcome" was one of the few Disney songs he claimed he knew! Sweet boy, I know you also asked for "Remember Me" from Coco but there was no way I could touch those absolutely perfect lyrics, because hearing the song makes me tear up too much even now! I hope this alternative choice will suffice as MY thank you to you for being one of my favourite and loyal readers! *cheek squish!*_

 _CzarThwomp: I don't know why, but Edgeworth and Franziska have such an adorable sibling relationship. I think it's because even though their personalities are so different, deep down, they love each other very much and would do almost anything to help each other out. But one thing is certain, JP did an excellent job in capturing a typical Edgeworth/Franziska conversation in this parody._

* * *

 **"Gern Geschehen"  
(Sung to the tune of "You're Welcome" from Disney's _Moana_  
by a smug Franziska to Miles  
after his "defense attorney" trial against her in T &T)**

Franziska: So what I believe you were trying to say, Miles Edgeworth, is _Danke_.

Miles: _Danke?_

Franziska: _Gern Geschehen._ In case you've forgotten all your German… that means… _you're welcome_ , _Kleiner Bruder._

Miles: Ngh! No! No! No! I didn't… I wasn't…why would I ever…

Franziska: *smirks and waggles her forefinger at the flummoxed prosecutor*

* * *

Alright! Alright! ***snickers*** I know what's occurring here  
You're dealing with perfection and you're awed  
You don't even know what to say  
How typical!  
To be silent when you really should applaud!

* * *

Come read _meine_ lips, now it begins  
 _Ja_ , it's truly me, it's Franny: take it in!

* * *

I know I'm perfect, can't claim I'm not  
And matching brains come with this bod!

* * *

There's nothing to state besides _Gern Geschehen  
_ For covering up your damn hide!  
 _es ist in Ordnung ,_ I say  
 _Gern Geschehen!  
_ Without my help today you would've fried!

* * *

 _Ha!  
_ As kids who'd soothe your cries and shakes  
From night terrors and earthquakes!  
 _Diese Frau!_

* * *

When Canuck got bold, who lied:  
 _"Your Honor, I've never seen that guy!"  
_ Why, your Big Sister, _nein_?

* * *

 _Oh! Achtung!_ I perjured for you  
 _Gern Geschehen_  
To stretch the trial and find the truth!

* * *

 _Mein Gott!_ I helped **Phoenix Wright!**  
 _Gern Geschehen_  
A man I loathe with all my might!

* * *

There's nothing to state besides _Gern Geschehen_  
Best _große_ _Schwester_ that you'll ever see!  
There's no need to whine, it's quite fine  
 _Gern Geschehen!  
_ Hmph! I suppose you would do the same for _me_!  
 _Gern Geschehen!  
Gern Geschehen!_

* * *

Well, there's no need to deny it  
Miles, shamelessly I could go on and on  
About perfect Von Karma ways all in one little song  
It'll make your heart go pound  
Have you get flustered when I come around!

* * *

I threw this case,  
And let you defend  
Now you'll owe me, right up to the end!

* * *

What have we learned?  
From that court trial today?  
I _own_ you now, don't even try for a breakaway!

* * *

Easily could've turned this into a win,  
But it's more fun getting under your skin!  
Bow to me fool  
I make wonders take place!  
This wild mare's waving her whip in your face!  
 _Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Crack!_

* * *

So Little Brother, I say _Gern Geschehen  
(Gern Geschehen)  
_For my benevolence, not my disdain! _  
Ja, es ist in Ordnung, es ist in Ordnung  
Gern Geschehen_  
Well, I've sung it, so _Auf Wiedersehen!_

* * *

It was your lucky day, _Gern Geschehen  
_ Thanks for listening to my showboat  
Now back to Interpol  
 _Gern Geschehen_  
Believe you me, I'll never cease to gloat!  
 _Gern Geschehen_  
 _Gern Geschehen  
_ ***curtsies*** _  
und danke dir!_

* * *

 ** _Kleiner Bruder – Little Brother  
es ist in Ordnung – It's Okay  
diese Frau! – This woman  
Mein Gott! – My God  
große_ _Schwester_** – **_Big Sister  
Auf Wiedersehen! – Good bye  
und danke dir! – and thank you_**

 _JP: In the previous chapter 8 written by my partner, in my relentless quest for Von Karma perfection in formatting, I unwittingly did him a huge disservice because it caused a technical issue with the line break feature which also deleted the last line of his splendid work "From Shadows of Night." Thank you loyal readers_ _for bringing this to our attention, I have since fixed it and I encourage you to go back and check out the dark comedy CT is so famous for now in its entirety!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 8**

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** I hope that your trip to the Hamilton was a fun one.

 **JP:** I heard _Hamilton_ tickets were hard to come by so lucky you! I love listening to musicals myself and I think it's great that your love for music is what allows us to have such a wonderful and loyal reader for this "Dynamic Duo's" duets! :-)

 **Yankeegal13**

 **CT:** I wasn't referring to Simon, but rather the diabolical body double that he completely overshadowed as the main villain. Sorry for any confusion created by my description.

 **JP:** You know what else is completely forgettable? The fact that prior to becoming Tweedle Screechy to his brother's Tweedle Slimy, "Rookie Killer" Winston Payne was actually undefeated for 7 years straight! Who knew his arguments weren't always as thin as his hair?

 **Morally Draconequus**

 **CT:** If you're referring to that one deep-voiced bug who sung "Find her!" and "Doom her!", I did intentionally leave those lines out because I wasn't quite sure how to make them distinct from the rest of the chorus at the time of writing this.

 **JP:** I don't believe I've had the pleasure of hearing from you before, dear reader, so thank you so much for taking the time to read and drop us a line! Also, we take requests! :)

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **CT:** Those lyrics were missing due to some technical difficulties involving the line break feature that we use to clean up the songs before they're uploaded. But don't worry, we've got it all figured out and the whole song is now present. The important part is that we know what went wrong and how we can avoid it in the future.

 **JP:** Yeah, my copilot is the bees knees of humor! About your other comment…*ducks head in embarrassment* _mea culpa!_ Thanks for pointing out my folly – cursed pitfalls of technology and JP when she posts before she has her trusted cup of coffee…

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** Yeah, JP's a great writer and friend who is a lot of fun to talk and work with. That's why I didn't hesitate to co-write this fanfic with her when she came to me with the idea. And if you like our songs so far, then you'd better buckle up, because there are plenty more where they came from!

 **JP:** As Franziska said… _Gern Geschehen_ , milady! It was my pleasure to review you – finally one of the few fandoms I know so I could repay your constant kind words to me! If you love Polly, my Elsa nod to him, _"Let It Blow"_ was Chapter 7. Also, delighted to still have you as a lovely, loyal reader I hope you enjoy our next rounds…and Polly is coming up again soon, so stay _tuned_!

 **InjusticeforAll**

 **CT:** I personally see Simon as a dark version of Edgeworth; the Joker to his Batman, so to speak. Both men experienced great tragedy in their youths, were heavily influenced in one way or another by their fathers, and used logic and strategy to achieve their own definitions of justice. In a sense, Simon is what Edgeworth would have become like had he continued down the perfectionist path of the von Karma or, worse yet, was left with no one.

But the scariest part about Simon is that despite all of the mayhem he caused, he only committed three crimes: kidnapping Kay, kidnapping John, and killing the body double out of self-defense. Horace's murder? Patricia was the one who let her paranoia get the best of her. All Simon did was put a chisel in a chessboard and arrange it so Horace was playing correspondence chess with Dogen. Jill Crane's murder? Jill was the one who devised a plan to kill Blaise after learning about his dirty secrets, while he sought to make her disappear before she could complete the deed. All Simon did was write a few letters. If anything, he's an anti-hero who helped take down a false president, a corrupt prison warden, and Blaise. Seriously, if it wasn't for Simon compelling Blaise to sloppily kill Jill, Edgeworth would have never had the grounds to take down that corrupt official, who would have probably made it a point to make him and Phoenix disappear sooner or later if left unchecked.

 **JP:** I actually had to go out and watch the film _Anastasia_ because one of our readers had requested a few songs from it! If you have the time refresh your memory it is quite the magical film! :-)

DeKiller is evil but he is awesome and I personally cannot hate him! I'm happy he still hasn't been caught! Also I like to think that he was the one who shot the phantom in Dual Destinies !

It really is a shame that Miles 2 was never localized because it gave us one of the most chilling and complex villains out there in the form of the unsuspecting Simon Keyes, and also further humanized Edgeworth and gave him even greater depth. Miles Edgeworth probably has the greatest videogame character development of ever seen, period! Love that gorgeous closet cinnamon roll!

Ugh, nothing but Putrid Hellfire for Melsa come AA 7! Surely there was an accidental switch at birth for no way could he have been sired by the incredible Daddy Dragon, who was simply Debeste – but Crapcom loves snuffing out parents like a bad habit, so Nick is the sole reigning AA DILF out there. Sigh….

I have been called the Yatagarasu when I've previously written with ThePudz and Yanmegman - I thought the awesome reader bequeathed titles stopped there but now you go and float my boat by referring to me and my favourite funny man as the _Dynamic Duo? Bendiciones, querido lector! Y muchas gracias!_


	10. Blaise Debeste's Song

_CT: When I was first writing "From the Darkness of Night", it originally featured Blaise and was titled "Make them Disappear in the Night". However, when I was writing "Disbar Mr. Edgeworth", I found "Oogie Boogie's Song" and knew that it would be a much better match for Blaise's character. After all, it's a song sung by a creepy, sadistic monster that hides in the shadows, makes people he hates disappear, and has his henchmen do all his dirty work for him.  
_ _Though regarding this parody, it's based off the movie version of the song, not the one from the official soundtrack. So if you're wondering why I didn't include the part where Boogie sings about cooking Santa into a batch of snake and spider stew, that's the reason._

 _JP:Injusticeforall – I believe you were wondering if my co-pilot would be lending his brand of comic genius to take a turn to the dark side and encompass el diablo known as Blaise Debeste in a parody as titillating and creepy as theorginal? The answer of course, is YES! Bwahahahaha!_

* * *

 **"Blaise Debeste's Song"**  
 **(Sung to the tune of "Oogie Boogie's Song"  
from Disney's _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ )**

 _[Edgeworth is defeated. He tried his best and put everything he had on the line, but he wasn't able to prove Kay's innocence.]_

 _[Now, after seeing his young assistant hauled off to the detention center to await her trial, Edgeworth stands alone in the dark P.I.C. boardroom. But suddenly, a bright light breaks the darkness as Blaise Debeste thrusts open the door before sauntering into the room.]_

* * *

 _{Blaise}_  
Well, well, well,  
What do we have here?  
Mr. Edgeworth, eh?  
Oh, so scary! So scary!  
So you're the little prosecutor who keeps getting in my way?  
Ha ha ha!

* * *

Y'know, this is funny, real funny,  
This has gotta be a lie!  
My lackeys,  
Were bested,  
By this snooty, smarmy guy?  
He's rigid,  
His coat's pink,  
He's so very unversed!  
I might just burst out laughing,  
If I don't start crying first!

* * *

When I think that you're,  
A little obstacle to my plan,  
You'd better start running,  
'Cause I'm the P.I.C. Chairman.  
Y'know, you're a real moron,  
Whose ideals are foolish and wrong.  
But y'see, that won't matter for long,  
'Cause you'll disappear after this song.

Ohhh! (Ohhh!)  
Ohhh! (Ohhh!)  
Ohhh! (Ohhh!)

I'm the P.I.C. Chairman!

* * *

 ** _{Edgeworth}_**  
You're a monster, Debeste,  
With a heart as black and dark as night.  
A soulless, sinister devil,  
Who probably burns in the sunlight.

* * *

 _{Blaise}_  
So angry,  
So naïve,  
He actually thinks I freakin' care!  
Why don't you shut up,  
Before I drown you with my tears.  
Y'see, you've squirmed,  
You tried,  
But I saw right through your bluff.  
So now that your hopes have been shattered,  
I'm gonna do my P.I.C. stuff.

* * *

Oooh, the thrill of the kill,  
There's nothing that can match,  
'Cause I'm the sadistic Chairman,  
Who likes to bite and scratch.

* * *

I always get a happy feeling,  
When I'm ruining a life.  
Yours, my stupid son's,  
And previously my late wife's.

* * *

 ** _{Edgeworth}_**  
You won't get away with this, Debeste,  
For one day you'll be under arrest!

* * *

 _{Blaise}_  
Y'know,  
I laugh,  
'Cause that you'll never see!  
They'll put on your epitaph,  
How you kept on defying me.

* * *

You're defeated,  
You're done,  
You should be filled with fear,  
Because I'm Blaise Debeste,  
And you're gonna disappear.  
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 9**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** _Gern Geschehen_ sweetie! I am so happy you liked what I did with your request… And I repeat the offer to you that if you don't want to wait around for me to stop being so emo and once again take a crack at "Remember Me" for when it finally stops making me get weepy. If you wanted to take write it yourself and submit it as a guest author to our parody collection I have no objections, or else I would be delighted with the chance to be your fan girl if you decided to post it yourself! :-)

 **CT:** _Gern geschehen_! Yeah, "Remember me" is one of those songs that's so touching and moving on its own that it wouldn't feel right altering the lyrics. However, if you want to parody it, then go for it! Though as some advice, be prepared to listen to the song multiple times over the course of several minutes.

 **Sebastian0001**

 **JP:** I wasn't a huge fan of hers at first in the games and I know I tend to mellow whore out somewhat when I write her, but this parody made me realize that Franziska is such a fun character to write in all her smarmy German glory! _Gern Geschehen!_

 **CT:** Gern geschehen! Knowing Franziska's character, no one would be in the least bit surprised if she did actually sing something like this to Edgeworth at one point or another.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I figured if the Rock, the world's most likable, friendly, charismatic actor could play a smug, semi narcissistic demigod and still be likable, so could Lady Von Whippingberg! I don't know even a lick of German aside from the smattering's you see Klavier call Ema, and am strictly at the mercy of Google translate whenever I do! _Danke_! I'm so glad you liked this chapter – CT and I are so fortunate to have you as such a wonderful reader! :-)

 **CT:** MuhammadGamingS: I'm quite limited in my knowledge of German myself, only knowing a few words: _guttentag_ (hello), _auf wiedersehen_ (goodbye), _danke_ (thank you), _ja_ (yes), _nein_ (no), _achtung_ (attention), and, after reading JP's parody, _gern geschehen_ (your welcome).

I'm glad see that you like our parodies so much! They've been just as enjoyable for us to write!

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I am very excited to see what you do with Mustang and Hawkeye considering what a nice job you did with Ed and Winry. Well _Frau_ Von Karma may have had some really good character development after the 3rd Ace Attorney game, but given her competitive nature with Miles, she would undoubtedly relish the idea to rub in not only how much he owes her one but just how _perfekt_ she is! :p

As for your request, I love Phil Collins and I did enjoy using "You'll Be in My Heart" as the ultimate father daughter bonding song between Pearl and Phoenix in Turnabout Everlasting. I am very much looking forward to seeing what I can do with parodying this absolutely perfect song and still making it have the adorable fluffiness I know you enjoy. Thank you for continuing to be such a loyal reader milady. :-)

 **CT:** Yeah, Apollo is one of those characters that's so determined, despite the fact that he's the universe's punching bag. I think that it has to do with the fact that his disheartened expression just screams "I'm done with this."

 **FreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I also am a fan of classic old-school Disney, and will not argue that both _Frozen_ and _Tangled_ were slightly overrated, _Moana_ was a delightful surprise given its breathtaking animation as I do come for tropical background, and it was great to see another feisty princess of colour in such a heartwarming non-shipping story! Plus I'm in love with The Rock… Enough said!

Franziska such a fun, fascinating character to write even when I'm not writing her closer to the videogame source material, instead of in a complex romance with Miles… Surely any love of hers would never be smooth sailing since she is indeed a delightful combination of cocky charm at its best – or should I say, most _perfect_? I'm really happy that you took the time despite your disdain for nouveau Disney, to check out the song's he could compare my work to the actual source, and found it to have done it some justice… "You're Welcome" is a very different sort of song unlike most others with a very fast paced in lyrics that were very difficult to parody, so your kind words are most appreciated, pal. _Danke!_ :-)

 **CT:** TheFreelancerSeal: Not to mention, Jim Cummings' Pete voice managed to become my headcanon regarding what Inga sounds like. Though Maleficent and Pete's relationship in "Kingdom Hearts 2", which is so reminiscent of Ga'ran and Inga's marriage, also played a factor in that. You're not alone with not hearing of the song before this parody. The first time I listened to it was when JP sent me her lyrics to review. And while the hectic tempo towards the end was a bit hard to follow, I couldn't picture anyone but Franziska singing this.

 **InjusticeforAll**

 **JP:** I am a steadfast Fredgeworth shipper, so I'm being a very bad girl Wright now and picturing Miles and Franny playing said competition over these courtroom words… _desnudo_ with _hold it_ being the "safe" word! XD

Yes Disney can easily be called "Team Rodent" with the rabid way it infests everything, but I didn't mind _Beauty and the Beast_ live action (Emma Watson is a good actress although her singing voice could have been better) and felt a sentimental kinship to the gorgeous artwork of _Moana_ since I come from a tropical background (plus… THE ROCK!) but I will agree I cried puddles during the heartbreakingly beautiful _Coco_. (and _Up!)_ You're the second one to ask for the _Hercules_ song, and I thank you for the character suggestion – it will have a Fey sister starring role! _Y el gusto es mio, siempre!_ :)

 **CT:** Replace Lotta with Larry and you'd have the battle of wills to end all battles of wills. I personally don't know which is worse- Oldbag's talkativeness or Larry's unyielding desire to Franzy model for him.

I only had to watch the commercials for the live-action Disney movies to know that something was very, very wrong. They all just immediately screamed "cheap, quick cash grab" to me. And don't even get me started on my heated views regarding what they've done to the "Star Wars" franchise. If we open that Pandora's Box, this reply will be longer than the parody it's posted on.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** We have taken note of your request - Thwomp and I were flipping a coin over whether or not this falls under my "niche" mainstream parody tunes or if it's more under his specialty of villain lampoon – he used his double headed coin – so _he_ won! :p

 **CT:** Well, it seems that great minds think alike because I've been planning on writing a "Mother Knows Best" parody staring Morgan since JP and I first started this fanfic. And now that the idea has fan-backing, definitely expect to see it coming in a future chapter.


	11. Beauty and the Geek

_JP: Being unapologetic shipping trash in all my works, this secondary SkyeFop centered parody goes out to it's triad of requesters: ForGreat Coffee/PurpleHoodedAngel/JusticeforNoOne (Klema cliché all the way!) Hope ya'll enjoy the tale as old as time featuring a certain man pretty rock star and his equally pretty science geek lady!_

 _CzarThwomp: You all wanted more Klema, so more Klema is what you're going to get! And what better way to enjoy your daily dose of Vitamin-Klema than with a parody of one of the most iconic Disney romance songs ever created?_

* * *

 **"Beauty And The Geek"** **  
(Sung to the tune of "Beauty and the Beast"  
from Disney's** _ **Beauty and the Beast**_ **)  
**  
Always fighting crime  
She's LAPD  
He's a blingy fop  
Makes her blow her top  
Uncontrollably

* * *

Ever butting heads  
Tempers are released  
Hiding the true deal  
What they really feel  
Beauty and the geek

* * *

Yielding would be shame  
So she never tries  
Slurs him to the core  
Dubs him a _Mann Hure_  
Till the day he dies!

* * *

Always fighting crime  
Learn to get along  
Friendship within range  
Shy smiles are exchanged  
Feelings growing strong

* * *

Opposites attract  
True love is unleashed  
Always fighting crime  
Each and every time  
Beauty and the Geek

* * *

Always fighting crime  
Each and every time  
Beauty and the Geek

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 9**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 _Muchas gracias Señor Java!_ Miles would be forced to endure the song at whip-point while Franny mockingly serenaded him, probably with the tune of the ringtone of "Your Welcome" playing from her cell in the background to add insult to injury! XD  
I hope you enjoy what I did with your song request!

 **Chapter 10**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** This parody takes place in a universe where Justine decided not to assist Edgeworth when he was questioning Blaise, allowing the P.I.C. Chairman to win. I know it's a bit dark to know that Kay would be given a hefty prison sentence and possibly never recover her memories, but Blaise wouldn't break out into song if he didn't already brutally defeat his opponent.

JP: C

an you imagine an AU where the raging pyromaniac reigned as victor supreme, literally making all of Japalifornia into a Putrid Hellfire? *shudder* One the upshot, every day would be like camp, with daily bonfire wienie and marshmallow roasting on the menu…

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** You knew I couldn't resist giving my favorite villain in the series his own parody!

 **JP:** Some would argue that Blaise helped usher in the Dark Age of the Law before a certain creepy German sausage ever came along! What say you? The former chief prosecutor is a indeed a delightfully diabolical fiend, and my co-pilot Wrights him better than any other FF writer I've seen in this fandom!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** You're not alone in wanting AAI2 to get a proper release and receive the recognition in the canon that it deserves. But alas, since the game has been out for almost a decade, that will probably never happen. Though at least we can still experience the game in all of its glory thanks to the fan-translated rom.

 **JP:** You haven't played Miles 2?! Dang Crapcom! Have you at least seen the LP's on YouTube to fully grasp the douche canoe that is Blaise? I wanted to toss him into the putrid hellfire along with Prosecutor Flutter! Stay tuned for teeth rot upcoming, milady!

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Congrats on the new account! Though it's going to feel a little strange referring to you by another name. "Blaise Debeste's Song" was one of my favorite songs to write for this fanfic for that very reason. Knowing what kind of guy Blaise is, I wouldn't be surprised if his basement was some kind of torture dungeon similar to Oogie's.

 **JP:** _Bienvenido!_ Yay, you got an account! Now you're officially ONE OF US! (One of us! One of us!). It's always awesome when a fan despite their own shipping preferences, is still open minded about other ones, like you are to Fredgeworth despite being a Fradrian lover! (The gorgeous AA cast suit so many endless match possibilities!) Dios mio, can you BE any cooler? :)  
 _Si, es verdad, soy una chica traviesa_! GUILTY as charged! As for Fredgeworth smut Wrighters… *coughs* _FloraAlice_ *cough* (I hope you took note of that!) ;)

P.S. I hope you liked the Klema serenade (cliché be damned!)

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** "Disbar Mr. Edgeworth" is a prequel parody to "Blaise Debeste's Song" I've written that has yet to be uploaded. I agree with you that Edgeworth is one of the most honest, just do-gooders in the series; which is why "Disbar Mr. Edgeworth" was written as a villain song in context to the AAI2 storyline.

 **JP:** Oops! My bad! I didn't mean to post the two connecting songs out of order – sorry again Thwomp! Edgey is such a failed tsundere at this point that I don't know why he doesn't just throw a Cinnabon party, as he's such a cinnamon roll/big brother/protector to all around him! That being said, there's countless Disney tunes out there – a little help narrowing down your request would be grand!


	12. Disbar Mr Edgeworth

_CT: With how much of a thorn Justine and Sebastian were in Edgeworth's side during the second, third, and most of the fourth cases in AAI2, I wouldn't be surprised if they actually sang something along these line while they were busy planning their next course of action.  
For this parody of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws", Sebastian takes on both Lock and Barrel's lines for two reasons: There wasn't a fitting third character I could use, and when Sebastian was at his most antagonistic, he had the stupidity of at least ten dunderheaded children._

 _JP: This was actually the PREQUEL to chapter 10's "Blaise Debeste" that my unwitting tool arse should have posted first, so things will make so much more sense now (my bad!) but still – as is tradition with my co-pilot, is pretty freaking hilarious!_

* * *

 ** _"Disbar Mr. Edgeworth"_**  
 **(Sung to the tune of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" from  
** ** _The Nightmare Before Christmas_** **)**

 __ **{Justine and Sebastian}**  
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth…

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
Leave it to Debeste,  
I'll do it with mirth.

* * *

 _{Justine}_  
Your father wants us to collaborate.

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
I'm first-rate,  
You'll think it's great.

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}**  
It's no debate!  
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Take away his badge!  
Kick him to the curb,  
And force him to cadge!

* * *

 _{Justine}_  
First, we'll forge some evidence prime,  
And leave at the scene of the crime.  
And when he jumps to use it now,  
We don't hesitate and bust him big time.

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
No, I've got Debeste plan,  
To get rid of this pink sissy man.  
Let's cut up his frilly napkin-thing,  
And he'll cry and run away.

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}**  
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Clean out his office.  
Slander all records of him,  
And call him a doughface.

* * *

 _{Justine}_  
Then Chairman Debeste will be able to,  
Rule this city with his legal view.

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}  
** He'll be so proud, we do believe,  
That a good reward we'll receive.

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
I think we should get a big rock,  
Hang it above his door and then,  
Knock a lot until he answers,  
And turn Mr. Edgeworth into a pancake.

* * *

 _{Justine}_  
Don't be so rash, please think.  
If we kill him with a big rock,  
We could leave an evidence trail,  
And be sent straight to jail.

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}  
** Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Shame him on the stand!  
Have his closest friends watch,  
Him get his hide tanned!

Because Blaise Debeste can make you disappear without a thought.  
If we upset him right now,  
We'd be scared of his onslaught!

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
Pops'll be so happy with my deeds,  
He won't make me sleep in the yard with the weeds.

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}  
** Perhaps he'll throw a grand party,  
And give us cheers so hearty.

We're his loyal representatives,  
Doing every task sublime.  
We dare not go against him,  
Lest we disappear in the nighttime.

* * *

 _{Justine}_  
Why must this boy be so dim?

* * *

 _{Sebastian}  
_ I'm not dim!  
You're, uh… slim!

* * *

 ** _["Sebastian, please be quiet."_** _Justine calmly tells her young associate, putting a finger to her mouth to shush the adolescent prosecutor.]_

 ** _["No!"_** _Sebastian pouts._ **_"I'm the best, so everything I say is important!"]  
_**  
 ** _["Goddess of Law, give me strength…"_** _Justine sighs as she puts a hand to her forehead and slowly shakes her lowered head.]  
_

* * *

 _{Justine}  
_ I've got another plan, so listen,  
One that is quite good, indeed.  
We'll put some child pornography in a box,  
Wrapped in tinsel and a bow.  
We'll leave it at his office and hide,  
Until driven by logic,  
Edgeworth looks inside,  
And we'll have his badge in no time!

* * *

 **{Justine and Sebastian}**  
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Rake him across the coals!  
Show him no mercy,  
As we move towards our goals!

* * *

Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Point out all his flaws!  
Verbally lash the man,  
Without a single pause!

* * *

Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,  
Make him disappear!  
Take him out of the picture,  
And we'll surelycheeeeeer!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 8**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **CT:** While Simon Keyes is definitely no saint, he's not the most evil villain in the series. Simon only did what he did, which was simply manipulating more sinister individuals, such as Blaise and Patricia, to act on their paranoia and darker emotions, because it was his only option to free himself from his torment. Simon spent most of his life on the run to avoid Blaise's goons just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time- unable to sleep, and unable to trust most people. He couldn't even go to the police for protection since that would essentially be handing himself over to Blaise.

 **JP:** I do know that the history of the Romanov massacre was tragic, so I'm happy that this delightful movie was created as partial historical reference, but they still managed to make light out of such a dark situation. Simon Keyes was definitely a complex character although it's hard for me to argue about any virtue he may have had beneath that creepy clown makeup – possibly the most ingenious villain of them all through! Gah! Talk about your Two-Face type of villain …he belonged in Batman!

 **Chapter 9**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **JP:** I wonder if they would have to have microphones and speakers on that Broadway stage to hear the crack of Franziska's with as she punctuates every song lyric verse with her trusty weapon of choice, or if she would whack it hard enough where it wouldn't be required? XD  
I do like the idea of Franziska and Harvey being compared in the same breath… I wonder if my hot lawyer could handle the wild mare though? (p.s. remind me to get you a copy of _Moana_ for our next visit!)

 **CT:** If Franziska was ever in a Broadway musical, she will only perform a role if it's the lead. After all, a von Karma only accepts the best.

 **Chapter 10**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **CT:** If you like "Nightmare Before Christmas", then I hope that this most recent parody was a delight for you to read. Though as seen with "Prosecutemon", we're way ahead of you in regards to covering non-Disney material. There are so many good musical numbers to parody, so why just limit ourselves to Disney?

 **JP:** I still maintain that your _Undertale_ session began with Jack! Not that I would blame you he is pretty awesome and what I remember when I was younger the movies it version of the boogie man really creeped me out! I do believe that the movie has since been put under the Disney umbrella even if it didn't upon initial release, along with the movie _Anastasia._ However we are definitely _not_ limiting ourselves to Disney, so if there is any other animated songs you would like to see covered, let us know and we will definitely try to be Debeste we can be! :)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Correct, "Ace Attorney Investigations 2" was never released outside of Japan. However, much like "Mother 3", AAI2 has been translated and unofficially released in the form of a rom which has been covered in many internet walkthroughs; though I'd highly suggest downloading the rom and playing the game for yourself because the spoilers are epic.

 **JP:** While I do like both Miles games, the biggest pity is the fact that they never released the 2nd one to the Western world. Truly, it has some fantastic characters (Hello Gregory Edgeworth's assistant, the unforgettable ever hugging but not a creepy way Uncle Ray and Detective Badass!) But nevertheless it's pretty cool that you care enough to at least check out the songs of them will be you haven't seen so you can actually compare/appreciate unforgettable villain of this kickass parody of the song from this amazing movie, which I highly recommend even if you do never play the game, (if you have a twisted sense of humor/like Tim Burton, you'll really dig it trust me - the hero is a _skeleton_!)

 **Chapter 11**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **JP:** Even Athena flat out called the fop "beautiful" _(although she was telling Polly don't be a hater for it in SOJ!)_ Even brainy girls deserve a break from the books to get them some manly rock star (Yarini-equivalent!) mango! Jajaja! _Si! Larga vida_ Klema!  
 **  
CT:** I could just imagine the smug look on Klavier's face if he heard that he was seen as more beautiful than Disney princess by a couple of lovely fräulines.

 **AJSkye77**

 **JP:** _Gracias!_ Knowing that your devotion to Klema is on par with my own for Phaya, I had the feeling I might be hearing from you, Chiquita Bonita! I would love to write for this dynamic duo again, please let me know if you have any suggestions though?

 **CT:** It's always good to see someone so thoroughly enjoy one of our shipping parodies.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Thank you, and **s** uggestion noted! I do love Wrightworth (bromance), so I will definitely do my best to find a tune that does these Ace hunks justice!

 **CT:** I can't speak for JP on this, but I feel that it would be easier to parody a song in which we have Phoenix and/or Edgeworth express the friendship that they share.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** In terms of fanfiction you'll see Klavier and Ema popping up in Turnabout Everlasting relatively soon… Thanks to your adorable review number 1 I am tempted to somehow incorporate some factor of stairway to heaven for them… And number 2 I am going to go ahead and do your 2nd request which was "Remember Me" from Coco because you are seriously one of my most loyal and favourite readers. Plus you let me squish your cheeks! XD

 **CT:** Being the rocker that he is, Klavier would give a definite 'ja' to your taste in music. Though knowing our favorite fop, he would probably go with "Guilty Love" as his first pick in terms of songs.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I do think Blaise was a big part of the ripples that helped cause the shit storm that was DL-6 because no doubt if then chief prosecutor had it been a corrupt pyromaniac/human piece of excrement, Manfred wouldn't have got away with murder literally and figuratively! _Also… hell's ya! Hail Klema!_

 **CT:** Yeah, I, for one, could talk for hours on end regarding Blaise's character and how he is one of the vilest villains in the series.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Ah, the infamy of Mildew Latrine….now becoming a frozen fish stick in Suburbia (moment of silence to cackle internally about the fate of the despicable/near Blaise equivalent Dragon Lady!)

Milady, how I wish you had PM! I could advise on how to get your hot little hands on Miles 2! But anyway…. Almost as cool as converting somebody to your ships when they've read your work is knowing that your readers have an open enough mind to appreciate another ship even if it's not their favourite one. Thank you for still being able to appreciate Klema despite your alternate preferences for the science beauty's suitor of choice, it makes you fluffy socks awesome, and makes me joyful about fulfilling _your_ particular (hopefully adorbs/enjoyable!) request! :)

 **CT:** If you want to know how to download AAI2, there's a YouTube video by Turnabout Randon title, "How to play Ace Attorney Investigations 2" where he gives a link to a rom and an emulator to play it on.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Yes Ema is indeed the geeky/nerdy science beauty, and completely underrated in said beauty possibly because she's always covered up by a lab coat, where as the fop is totally an in-your-face blonde Adonis type that cannot be ignored, and that's coming from me who is obsessed with Phoenix and doesn't normally like blonds!

"Not a bad-looking guy" from you is the equivalent understatement on par with saying that Bitchtoff is only a "little bit murdery" since he only succeeded with 2 out of 3 intended victims (although there is a very famous Meatloaf song called "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad!"  
(I kid, I know it's a big deal for a lot of guys to acknowledge the aesthetics of another male, even a hot fictional one so bravo to you for that, bud!) :p

Most of my readers know my OTP preferences at this point so while it is awesome to know that many of them follow my work because they share the same ships, (like fellow Phaya fans) it does make me grinned like an idiot to know if I have been successful in my unwitting "conversion therapy" and actually brought somebody _new_ aboard an incredible ship like the SS Klema! You know the more I write them, the more I like them? There is just something about love-hate relationships, you know?

As per ships… I share the same "different strokes for different folks" mentality as my awesome open minded copilot, and at this point if somebody wants to start a shipping war with me my go to response will simply be: "I ship cargo!" XD

 **CT:** I agree with your point on shipping. As long as you're not belligerent with your shipping, then I'm perfectly willing to let you ship whoever you want together, though I may question it a little if I personally feel it doesn't make sense. But the important thing that we all have to remember is that while it's fine to have a ship, you can't take it too seriously and treat any attack on the characters as an attack against who you are as a person. For example, I'm a Junipollo shipper, but that won't stop me from making fun of Juniper's dry, wooden character.

 **FloraAlice**

 **JP:** You gotta give it to the fop, insults and dirty looks roll off the guy like water off a duck's back! Those Germans sure have thick skin! (Although I suppose it's better than his psychotic brother who obviously suffers from a thick skull/overly thick ego!)

I tend not to state my shipping preferences in reviews (or for that matter, even bother/waste my time reading stories if I'm not into the ship!) because of my staunch belief to remain diplomatic/live and let live, and I appreciate that you share the same mentality my friend, but if you expect everybody to have the same heart and mind is you will you only end up disappointed, Wright? Sigh. Anyway…

Can't wait to see what you do with that prompt for your next Fredgeworth smut! I'm not apologizing for the "Beauty and the Geek" earworm which I know is very un-Canadian of me but… So not sorry! LOL

 **CT:** Sure, Klema may have its haters, but don't forget that it's half-Klavier; and just like him, any insults against the ship will just bounce off of its well-groomed hair and stylish outfit, leaving unfazed as it stares back at its attacker with a grin.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** _Primer abogado en la familia?_ _Felicidades de antemano!_

Flora Alice does great stuff, and I like you even more since you admit to being a Fradrian fan but still appreciate Fredgeworth steam! Why must you be so amazeballs?!

I have been privy to take a sneak peek at what my talented partner did with the request "Mother Knows Best" and I think you will be very pleased!

 _Querido lector…¡ Yo no mentiré. Todo es verdad! Odio a ese cabrón con una pasión que quema mi alma!_ _Por cada razón que dijiste, ¡y más! ¿Los monjes no son célibes?_ _¿Por qué la gente no quiere que Ema disfrute de los placeres de la carne? Creo que el fiscal quiere al retorcido samurai más, si algo!_

By all means, feel free to PM me any cool SkyeFop stuff you find! (psst! AJSkye77 is one of my fave Klema Wrighter's too!) Also, do watch that video my partner suggested. I laughed my head off! Also, am so happy you liked the Klema parody so much! That's CT + JP = the Dynamic Dup granting Disney parody wishes since March 2017! :p  
 _Siempre_ … _El gusto es mio!_

 **CT:** While I have nothing against anyone who ships Skyemadhi, I cannot for the life of me picture Nahyuta getting even remotely romantic, let alone deeply intimate. I see his version of foreplay being reading an hour's worth of prayers and telling his 'lover' to put on more layers.  
Either that, or something similar to this YouTube video would happen: (You just have to take out the spaces)  
 _www. youtube watch?v=g38B_j4x7XY_

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _De nada, y_ _aprecio que seas el abogado de defensa caballero oscuro para mi, Señor Java._  
I warned readers CT and I would produce unapologetic ear worms! Glad to see mission accomplished! :p

Also, I think Lana could have been lead maestro in the women's inmate _A cappella_ group, so no doubt as Klema's wedding singer, she'd be _Pitch Perfect_! XD

 **CT:** Ok, that got dark very fast. This is supposed to be fanfic dedicated to parodying songs, not a naval battle about what ship is best. As for your first statement, I can totally picture Lana singing this song while Jake plays a role similar to Lumiere.

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** Most people who have read my works are entirely aware that along with Phaya, Fredgeworth (and a bit of JusticeCykes) that Klema is within my top 4 OTP's… And while I appreciate AA fans who read anything I've written with an open mind even if these aren't their pairings of choice, I certainly don't think it's my job to try to convert them from reading something they have no interest in, nor do I wish them to, any more than I care to read about pairings that don't toot my flute, or state my preference for Chinese food in a restaurant that sells pizza, ya get me?

That being said, while I am grateful to have a legion of unsolicited defense attorneys act as my own personal Wright Anything Agency to defend against ship hate, this all could have been prevented if the simple, less inflammatory approach taken by _RavenPuffPrefect1296_ (who like most other readers also knows I'm not a ship-hater and have long since had a "live and let live" motto) was opted for instead:

" _Hey guys, I like Wrightworth, can you do a song for them?"_

 **Not:** _"Phaya sucks, [even though I know both writers are fans of the ship] and my MSG loving self is walking into their pizzeria while stating I like Wrightworth more."_

KWIM?

Glad you still liked the parody!

 **CT:** To each their own, as the saying goes. While I'm personally a Klema shipper, I respect your opinions and am glad that you enjoyed the parody.


	13. Smooch The Pearl

_JP: This one's for PurpleHoodedAngel and Alycat20._

 _Anyone who's read Turnabout Everlasting knows how much I love me the crack but totally Disney duo of FEYT aka Pearl Fey and Luke Triton, who are featured here sometime during a trip the teenage spirit medium makes across the pond, where Layton's former apprentice is being a bit too much of true gentleman! Ergo, Barnham's frisky pup, Constantine, decides to rally the forest creatures and bark his prompting to the animal whisperer …_

 _CT: Given the pairing featured, I think it's pretty obvious which one of us wrote this parody. That and JP is the master of romance who once again shows us why even though they have yet to canonically meet, Luke and Pearl make the cutest couple ever. Though what makes this parody even better is the fact that Luke's ability makes it quite possible that animals would be giving him dating advice._

* * *

 ** _"Smooch the Pearl"  
_** **(Sung to the tune of "Kiss The Girl" from**  
 **Disney's _The Little Mermaid_ )**

Sitting with her  
Blushingly pretty Pearl Fey  
You only met her today  
What is it about her  
And you feel so shy  
But you can't even lie  
You wanna smooch the Pearl

* * *

Look, you like her  
Gaze at her, you know it's true  
It's obvious she likes you too  
There is one way to be sure  
Nothing to be heard  
Not even a word  
You wanna smooch the Pearl

* * *

Bark with me now  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Boy, oh boy  
Oh lad don't be so shy  
Go on and smooch the Pearl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Take the chance  
Start this sweet romance  
So go and smooch the Pearl

* * *

Seize your moment  
Grab this chance, don't be a loon  
Chap, you better make it soon  
She's yours if you let her  
Don't be a nerd  
There's no need for words  
Until you smooch the Pearl

* * *

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Hearts be bared  
Just get those lips prepared  
Go on and smooch the Pearl

* * *

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
You know how  
Don't you go back now  
You wanna smooch the Pearl

* * *

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Stroll along  
Lad you can't go wrong  
I tell you to, smooch the Pearl

* * *

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Stanza stays  
Magic if Luke obeys  
You wanna smooch the Pearl

* * *

You've got to smooch the Pearl  
Why don't you smooch the Pearl  
You gotta smooch the Pearl  
Go on and smooch the Pearl

 _*scene fades as Luke Triton finally grows a pair of apprentice bollocks  
and finally manages to kiss the girl*_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Yeah, Justine may be willing to use the system to screw over anyone who gets in her way, as well as manipulate an adolescent boy with issues just to keep an eye on his father, she's not the type of person who plays dirty. Though with how many times Edgeworth got under Justine's skin whenever they clashed during investigations, I think it's safe to say that she voiced several choice words when describing the maroon-cladded prosecutor.

 **JP:** Underneath her cool veneer of disdain I still say she of pneumatic, gravity-defying chest probably harbored some latent smoldering for Edgey… Perhaps those hidden passions led rash actions? Edgeworth _does_ possess the effect of _creating frothing desire amongst the female masses_ after all! XD

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** If Manfred was penalized earlier, he would have still killed whatever defense attorney ruined his record; it would have just happened with a different method in a different place. While Blaise may be the kind of guy who would love to see the world burn for the heck of it, he is far from an anarchist. What's the fun of ruling a city if you can't control the populace, y'know? That's why if Blaise ever ruled L.A. from the shadows, it would be like how he ran the P.I.C., only on a larger scale.

 **JP:** I think one of the worst things about them not localizing the 2nd Miles game is that more fans aren't aware that there existed a sadistic pyromaniac who essentially made Adolf Hitler get off his Dick Throne in the midst of the flames of hell, walk into the bathroom, and sob quietly in the corner of a shower. He held a bottle of cheap whiskey in his shaking hand, no longer secure in his position as the world's most wretched and despicably evil human being.

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I really appreciate your kind words! Reading them has been a highlight of my day! If there was ever a music-themed "Ace Attorney" game, I believe that it would have a similar gameplay style as "Elite Beat Agents".

 **JP:** While the dark Disney movie featuring the heroic skeleton isn't everybody's cup of tea, you have to admit it's got some crazy earworm's… I must've been humming the tune to "This Is Halloween" for at least a week afterward! Also, milady, whenever I picture you being our own personal fanfiction cheerleader because of your delightful reviews, I grin like an idiot like you would not imagine! Hope this Feyt tune tided you over for your fluffy fix!

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** JusticeforNoOne: In my headcanon, after Blaise was arrested, Justine took his place as P.I.C. Chairman and adopted Sebastian. With the mother/son dynamic those two had throughout AAI2, I can easily imagine Justine approaching Sebastian after the events of Roland's trial and telling him, "Call me Mom, because the Goddess of Law decrees that I take you in."

As for Sebastian, I see him continuing to work in the Prosecutor's Office up through the events of SoJ- being one of the remaining prosecutors after Edgeworth cleaned house. And while Sebastian isn't as hardheaded and condescending as he was when he first started out as a prosecutor, he is still relatively naïve and a bit irritating. I also see Sebastian trying his best to be Simon's friend, despite numerous insults and death threats from the Twisted Samurai, trying to break the ice by showing an interest in only Debeste animes- "Cory in the House", "Seinfeld", and "Shrek".

 **JP:** _DeWorst_! Loves it! I do love the idea of a woman being in a strong role like a judge and Justine would be a great mentor for Juniper if they ever were to resurrect their characters. Obviously underneath the hard bang of her gavel lies a very tender nurturing heart seeing as how she is such a doting mother to her son, not to mention he of unfortunate bull cut. I actually have completed "One Jump Ahead" – it may vary slightly from your suggestion but I hope you like it nevertheless! That being said…if you can think of any other song for the stealthy ninja, whom I love, please let us know! Also… you mock Kurain Galadriel (yes Simon could do better- I ship him marginally with The Putrid One but mostly with Adrian, as this song-fic proves I love crack ships!) AND you like Archer? Can you BE any more amazing?! :)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't worry, JP and I both understand the inevitability of life getting busy. All that matters is whether or not you enjoyed the parody. As for Lock, Shock, and Barrel, I see them as that deadly combination of mischievous and sadistic- where they enjoy pranking people, but only if those pranks leave them with emotional, and sometimes physical, scarring. Though when I was writing the parody, I wanted to capitalize on Sebastian and Justine's contrasting personalities- making her ideas more cunning and calculated, and his plans childish and outrageous.

 **JP:** I need to send you this hilarious GIF because you mentioned Bugs Bunny, with Phoenix and Miles taking the place of Bugs Bunny and Daffy duck tearing down the sign off a tree which normally reads a _rabbit season_ versus _duck season_ but instead reads _guilty_ and _not guilty!_ Also, it was mentioned in one of the games that Apollo was a rascally little scamp who did play _dingdong ditch_ as a boy!  
Hmph! I suppose you think being on vacation in one of the most awesome places on earth is a good reason not to have climbed a tree to get the Wi-Fi required to look of our songs, don't you? :p

Of course, I kid. Thanks for reading, bud.

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Well, your rules certainly are different from typical shipping conventions. But as long as you aren't malicious towards those who don't share your views, I can respect them.

 **JP:** What he said!


	14. Auntie Knows Best

_CT: The second I heard the original version of this song, I instantly pictured Morgan singing it- partially due to both her and Gothel being psychotic mother figures who are so opposed to the outside world, but also because they have an eerily similar appearance._

 _I originally intended to feature Pearl in the parody, but then I remembered that she had the rebellious spirit of a pillow when it came to her mother. All Morgan would have to do is say 'no', and little Pearly wouldn't question it in the slightest._

 _Mia, on the other hand, has never been one to give up without a fight, making her the perfect candidate to fill Rapunzel's shoes. Plus, she has a suave, snarky love interest who helps her adjust to her new life in the form of Diego._

JP: _This request is for RavenPuffPrefect1296, JusticeforNoOne and Ariastella. I hope you guys and everyone else enjoys my talented co-pilot's slightly dark glimpse into The Hair's psyche/psychosis … I know_ _ **I**_ _did!_

* * *

" **Auntie Knows Best"  
** **(Sung to the tune of "Mother Knows Best"  
from Disney's** _ **Tangled**_ **)**

[ _It was finally time for Mia Fey to fulfill her destiny- her bags were packed, she was wearing her new blazer, she had been accepted to the law school of her dreams, and the bus leading to the train station had just arrived_.]

 _[However, before Mia could board the bus, she was stopped by the calm, refined voice of her aunt.]_

 _ **["Mystic Mia, where are you going?"**_ _Morgan asked with a look of concern as she sipped some tea from her cup.]_

 _ **["I told you, Aunt Morgan, I'm going off to Law School to begin my studies to become a defense attorney and avenge my mother."]**_

 _ **["You wish to leave Kurain?"**_ _The crone asked with a refined laugh. "Why, Mystic Mia…"]_

* * *

You are our future, the jewel in our crown,  
The next Master, a woman they'll flag down.  
Do you know why we stay up in this little town?

* * *

 _ **["Not this again, Aunt Morgan."**_ _Mia groaned with a roll of her eyes, knowing what would come next after years of lectures.]_

* * *

That's right, to keep our sacred traditions alive, Mystic Mia.  
With what the press did to us, I knew this day would come,  
That you'd want to go on some retribution quest.  
Now don't be a diva

* * *

 _ **["But-"**_ _Mia tried to argue, but to no avail.]_

* * *

Trust me, Mystic Mia,  
Your aunt knows best.

* * *

Your aunt knows best,  
Listen to your aunt,  
Don't stare at me with that scowl.  
Your aunt knows best,  
And in one way or another,  
You'll surely meet your end, I vow

* * *

Gangsters, guns, open manholes, dropped pianos  
Maniacs and arsonists,  
Drunk drivers.

* * *

 _ **["Are you being serious?"**_ _Mia asked with an unamused look.]_

 _ **["Have you seen the news? The world outside this village is fraught with danger and psychopaths."]**_

 _ **["Yes, but-"]**_

* * *

Don't forget large rats, falling debris, and -  
Stop, please, for this is upsetting me.

* * *

Your aunt's right here,  
Your aunt shall guide you,  
And here's what I suggest.  
Don't be so angsty,  
Remain in Kurain with me,  
For your aunt knows best.

* * *

 _ **["Go ahead, get mugged and stabbed in a dark alley!"** Morgan snapped with a wave of her hand. **  
"Go ahead, become a lawyer and defend some lunatic who will kill you in your sleep!  
What do I know? I'm just your aunt, your mother's beloved sister and  
the woman whose only crime is making lovely green tea so bitter that  
you lose your tongue and jaw-droppingly large strawberry desserts.  
So go ahead and leave me, just as my husband did,  
and let me die a lonely, broken woman."]  
**_  
 _The psychotic crone sighed with a forlorn expression_.

 _ **"But when it's too late, you'll realize, mark my words, that your aunt knows best."]**_

* * *

Your aunt knows best,  
Listen to your auntie,  
Outside here, you won't last a day.  
Blunt, immature,  
Unrefined, loosey-goosey,  
And Kurain will surely wither away!  
Naïve, idealistic,  
Absurdly choosey,  
Headstrong and a bit… unorganized.  
Plus, I see,  
You dressing like a floozy.

* * *

 _[Upon hearing that last comment, Mia didn't hesitate to hold her blazer shut, thereby covering up her noticeable bust.]_

* * *

I'm only saying this because we're related.

Your aunt is quite wise,  
Your aunt is here to guide you,  
Though I do have one request.

* * *

 _ **["Mystic Mia, never leave this village."**_ _Morgan coldly states with a glare, her pupils completely disappearing.]  
_  
 _ **["No."**_ _Mia bluntly replies with crossed arms, grabbing her bags before boarding the bus.]_

 _[As the bus drives away from the little village, a grin forms across Morgan's face.]_

 _ **["Fine, Mystic Mia. But when something happens, don't say that I didn't warn you."**_ _The crone smirks, taking a sip of bitter tea from the cup in her hand.]_

* * *

[ _As much as Morgan wished to attend her niece's funeral to revel in the rebellious girl's death, she couldn't on account of training exercises that she was directing that day. Just because Mia refused to listen to her wise words all those years ago didn't mean that the other mediums' training- especially that of her precious Pearl - had to suffer.]_

 _[But on one off day, Morgan made it a point to make a trip to the city so that she could visit Mia's grave- a plot perched on top of a small hill with a headstone that read the following:]_

 **HERE LIES MIA FEY  
MARCH 20, 1989 – SEPTEMBER 5, 2016** _ **  
"A lawyer is someone who smiles no matter how bad it gets."**_

 _[Upon reading that quote, the crone couldn't help but laugh and shake her head.]_

* * *

I don't know how you could be so flaunty,  
Boasting as if you have the moral high ground.  
You shouldn't have been a vigilante,  
And just listened to auntie.

* * *

Mystic Mia knows best,  
Mystic Mia's so wise,  
You feel you're so profound.  
Mystic Mia knows best,  
Well, if you're so wise,  
Then why are you in the ground?

* * *

Your pride is why you're here,  
I knew this would happen,  
Though, Mystic Mia, dear,  
I am not so upset,  
Because I now have Mystic Pearl.

* * *

And now in the cold grave you rest,  
Leaving Mystic Maya behind,  
Who will be gone soon, I attest.  
Your sister's a disaster,  
And Mystic Pearl shall be the next Master,  
For your aunt knows best.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** thank you so much for your kind words, dear reader. It means a lot to me how accepting my readers have been of this completely non-canon but so adorable they really should be Disney worthy duo! Also, either my copilot's idea about how these two could possibly cross paths, good old-fashioned video chat, sounds as good as any and would make one heck cavity inducing drabble! :-)

 **CT:** Either that, or if Phoenix and the gang decide to visit Apollo in Khura'in, they could arrange it so that they have a layover in London. That way, Pearl and Luke could enter an adult relationship. But I agree, Feyt is too cute not to be canon.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Check out some Pearl X Luke fan art – I'm not alone in this crack ship! Layton's self-proclaimed apprentice, the one and only Luke Triton mentioned in "Smooch the Pearl" was indeed the suitor that I chose for little Pearl Fey. I have a head cannon that while it's obvious Pearl is a believer in romance and fairytales, hence her Phaya shipping, she's a diehard romantic and would secretly want the same happily ever after for herself, and who better a prince charming than a boy with the _real_ British accent who literally spent his formative years under the famous Professor as a "gentlemen in training?" _*swoon*_

 **CT:** Yes, Luke is Layton's loyal assistant. And with the gentleman training that he's received from Layton, coupled with Pearl's gentle nature, they would the most sweeteningly sick couple ever.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I am so happy we are doing songs that even though they may be for movies that are older than some of our readers, recognizable/interesting enough to be looked up or in your case, take you for a happy stroll down memory lane! Always a pleasure hearing from you sweetie! :-)

 **CT:** Glad to know that we appealed to your nostalgia.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** The _PL vs PW_ crossover game was how I got into the Ace Attorney fandom as I joined it initially as a Layton fan girl, and if you do get the time it's the only equivalent visual novel series out there which I find to be as satisfying as Ace Attorney, although perhaps a bit more challenging with its puzzles but have always been into brain games. Also you really get to appreciate Luke Triton and his animal whisper ability in the games… And only after playing the games will you realize why I ship him with Pearl so much… he's a perfect addition to the supernatural/superpower world of Ace Attorney! :-)

 **CT:** MuhammadGamingS: The "Professor Layton" series is similar to "Ace Attorney" in that both series star a man who is talented in his career with a perky young sidekick dealing with a world full of strange characters. However, while the characters in a "Professor Layton" game are certainly eccentric, they're much more grounded than the ones you'd find in the "Ace Attorney" universe- except for the villains, who at times are more over-the-top than even the zaniest baddies Phoenix has dealt with. And as for the series itself, "Professor Layton" games are very story-heavy, with the puzzles being used as either fun little extras or devices to further the plot; contrary to the "Ace Attorney" series, where most of the time the overall story comes into focus only towards the end of the game. So while I think you'll enjoy it if you like the "Ace Attorney" series, it will have a totally different feel.

As for Manfred, never underestimate what that near-perfect monster is capable of. This is the guy who quickly retrained a parrot on the extremely unlikely off chance that it would be questioned. If Manfred wanted to kill someone, it would be done perfectly.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** First of all, I see easily see DeWorst turning out to be one of the girls easily instead of a guy's guy he'd be a girls' guy, so I love the idea of him becoming part of the ace shipper fan club with Trucy and Pearl! Justine is a pretty interesting character and I actually have been racking my brain about how to use her in some of my fanfiction's that are ongoing… Even by mention since she is a female in such a wonderfully powerful position … But unlike the evil prison warden, has not abused her authority ! Moreover, aside from Franziska (unapologetic Fredgeworth trash that I am!) and perhaps Lana Skye, she's the only other character I have seen Miles actively shipped with that I can actually see happening!

Also, I absolutely adore Larris (as seen in profile pic), and actually gave them their own storyline in Turnabout Everlasting, and just like Feyt I was delighted at how supportive my readers were of this unconventional pairing! The story is 3 years old as of this May I am blown away that people still want to follow that story, given the fact that because of changes in my life, I can't update as frequently as I used to! I love hearing from you with your wonderful reviews and input, and would be delighted to have you as a new reader, should you chose to make the time investment. Si, es verdad, it is a long story, but my loyal and kind readers have told me that it's a worthwhile journey! :-)

 **CT:** JusticeforNoOne: Oh my gosh! Now I can't stop imagining Sebastian becoming a member of Pearl and Trucy's shipping club! But then again, Sebastian would probably clash with Trucy on the grounds that she would want Justine to be her new mommy while he wants her to get together with Edgeworth. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Phoenix and Justine became friends shortly after the former lost his badge- meeting at some single parents support group where they discuss the hardships of raising a child alone, their philosophies on law, and Edgeworth. Considering how impressed Justine was when Ray told her he was handling Simon's case pro bono, she would probably have a lawgasm if she knew that Phoenix did just on multiple occasions, while also only willingly taking on innocent clients.

I like to picture Simon and Sebastian having a very odd couple-esque vibe to their relationship- something like this (remove the spaces).

 _tumblr post/ 155303521154/ seriously-its-the-weirdest-mental-image-ive-had_

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** As always milady the kind words are greatly appreciated. It's wonderful to see another Feyt shipper out there! Also, it's official, I hereby dub this "dynamic duo's" personal Disney cheerleader who fills our day with warm fuzzies that are the equivalent of fluffy socks! XD

 **CT:** chloemcg: Zvarri! The truth has once again been revealed to me. You are… a Feyt shipper, are you not? If we ever decide to expand on the storyline, at least it won't be any worse than the Disney sequels. We're glad that you're enjoying these songfics. It really means a lot to us that you, and everyone else that has commented, thinks so highly of them.

 **Sebastian0001**

 **JP:** Constantine was the scene stealer in that game for sure! I have a head cannon that he still wears that little helmet of his! :)  
And I love Luke's supernatural ability of being the animal whisperer so he could actually listen and take heed to all the dog's/forest animals coaxing, although the pupper has undoubtedly seen his gorgeous redheaded owner smooch many girls in his day… But I don't think the gallant lady-killer, Zacharias Barnham, ever need any prodding! :p


	15. Dahlia Hawthorne

_JP: Me and CzarThwomp decided to change things up this chapter and next, which means_ _ **he's**_ _going to be the fluff master next turn, while_ _ **I**_ _decided to take a walk on the dark side by fulfilling this request for PurpleHoodedAngel. This parody is being belted out in heaven by the spectral Mia Fey with a chorus of laughter coming from Valerie Hawthorne, Doug Swallows and Misty Fey._

 _CzarThwomp: JP has really outdone herself with this parody! I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that this was the first song Phoenix sung when he decided to start torturing the ivories. Either that or a rendition of "Chopsticks" that would make anyone brave enough to listen want to rupture their eardrums with a pair of chopsticks._

* * *

 ** _"Dahlia Hawthorne"  
_** **(Sung to the of "Cruella De Vil" from Disney's** ** _101 Dalmatians_** **)**

 ** _["Nnnghhhooooh!"]_**

 _*From the skies in the heavens, a loud piercing shriek can be heard coming all the way from the fiery pits of Abaddon, below*_

 ** _[Must be another sullied soul, being cast down to Lucifer,"_** _Misty Fey smirks]_

 ** _["That's not just ANY Bête Noire, Mom!"_** _Mia Fey smirks triumphantly._ _ **"It's someone we ALL know far too well!"]**_

 _*The legal legend snaps her fingers gleefully as she cries out the hated name*_

 ** _["Dahlia Hawthorne!"]_**

 _*Mia breaks into song*_

* * *

Dahlia Hawthorne  
Dahlia Hawthorne  
Most evil murderess  
That's ever been born!  
A bloodthirsty wench  
Of hateful scorn  
Dahlia, Dahlia

* * *

She's a Black Widow  
Coming for the kill  
Beware of Dahlia Hawthorne

* * *

 **["** ** _Hahahahaha_** **!"** _The other three spectral forms all crack up simultaneously as the busty beauty continues to sing even while snickering_ ]

* * *

Some folks believe  
This demon spawn's the devil  
Within due time you'll see  
That you were right  
You come to recognize  
Those deep, dark, soulless eyes  
Belong to a Satanic…  
Succubus!

* * *

 **["** ** _Bang to rights!"_** _Doug Swallows guffaws loudly]_

* * *

This femme fatale fiend  
This black-hearted witch  
Deserved to be hung  
Cuz karma's a bitch!  
Let's all rejoice  
To hell that skank's been flung  
Dahlia, Dahlia Hawthorne!

* * *

 ** _["Oh Mia!"_** Valerie Hawthorne sniggers, wiping her streaming eyes. **_"You are_** ** _the best!_** ** _"]_**

* * *

 _*All four collapse into gales of ghostly laughter*_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Joeclone: When Dahlia Hawthorne, a psychopathic murderer and manipulator so consumed with vengeance that she's willing to come back from the dead to kill her cousin, says that someone's cold, twisted, and vengeful, you know they have issues.

 **JP:** You can call it _nurture versus nature_ or that some cows are made to give sour milk matter how sweet the grass they've been fed on **…** My parents always said pertaining to children that "not all 5 fingers on the hand were created equal" and in this case, I think of Morgan's 3 offspring as Goldilocks and the 3 Bears… Dahlia was _too evil_ , Iris was _too saccharine sweet_ to the point of being a Mary Sue/doormat (I suppose being raised by a jolly ever laughing nun could have that effect!) And Pearl having been raised by The Hair but still having the influence of Maya who everyone knows is _just right_ /awesome, and seems to be the perfect balance. It was really disturbing for me as well to read about Morgan mocking the fallen Fey her grave… Mad kudos to my partner for reigniting my supposedly forgotten flames of hatred for the wretched battleaxe!

 **FSOA**

 **CT:** That's because, from Morgan's experience, the more children learn of the outside world, the less useful they are to her.

 **JP:** _"A well-read woman is a dangerous creature."_ Obviously, the foul She-Thing was blatantly aware of this, which is why she tried to keep her precious Pearl in in a secluded oyster for so long. You have no idea how happy I was to see that as of Dual Destinies the angelic spirit medium had gone on to greener pastures and seem to be exploring life more since she was at the aquarium with her summer camp group. I think it would be a double whammy for The Hair - what with Maya being Master and are overly sheltered finally getting out and seeing the world! :)

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** I can easily imagine Morgan, Gothel, and Ga'ran being the best of friends- sitting on a patio overlooking a lush garden, enjoying a spot of tea and talking about how great mothers they are.

 **JP:** Morgan, Gothel, and Ga'ran … now there is a trio that would be more deadly than Damon Gant, Blaise Debeste and Manfred Von Karma combined! Also, why are evil women all dark-haired so they're deemed to look alike?! I have dark hair … Can they have a gorgeous blonde villain already?! XD

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Yes, I've played both "Portal" games and loved them. In fact, Wheatley usually pops into my mind at some point or another whenever I'm writing lines for Sebastian. "Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright" is a very good way for "Ace Attorney" fans to transition into the "Professor Layton" franchise since the game practically a Layton game- similar story, pacing, puzzles, etc.- with a few courtroom scenarios. Though I must warn you, all of the trials are done in the style of the introduction cases and "Turnabout Beginnings"- no investigations, just testimony.

 **JP:** The Cake Is A Lie! :p  
I made a play upon that very famous line in a TE chapter called "The Coke Is A Lie" I wonder how many of my readers actually got the reference! I feel like I need to go and watch _Tangled_ again I have so many song requests from that movie and I barely remember any of them! How's this for a deal… You play the crossover I'll check out the Rapunzel flick!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I was originally going to make the song about Morgan and Pearl, but then I realized that while Morgan was hard on Pearl, she would never show her any hatred. After all, Pearl was her ticket to power and retribution. That, and back before Morgan was arrested, if she forbade Pearl from doing anything, that would be the end of that since Pearly is so respectful and courteous.

 **JP:** as much as I love her Pearl has the willpower of a marshmallow since she was too young enough to know better, so I think my copilot did a great job with choosing the older feistier Fey for this song as well! I am definitely going to do DILF daddy and little magician for one of my favorite Feyt fans milady cheerleader. Thanks again for the kind words. I may not always do the requests in the order they come in, but if I ever it cannot do them, I swear I'll try to let the reader know. But considering you asked for Phil Collins _and_ my favorite Ace Attorney male in the same breath, naturally, I have no objections!

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** JusticeforNoOne: When you mentioned the thought of Iris killing Morgan, I instantly pictured an alternate universe where Dahlia succeeded in poisoning Phoenix; thus prompting Iris to snap and go full-on Rambo, sporting two machine guns and killing everyone that caused her to lose her beloved Feenie, whether directly or indirectly- Dahlia, Morgan, Mia for not doing her job right, and Grossberg for only contributing to the defense by bringing up his hemorrhoids.

 **JP:** I do like the idea of your shipper club along with the rankings! I'm glad you enjoyed this parody to spout how dark it got. I hope me doing another villain song back to back with the last one wasn't too much evil dished out for our readers but I did try hard to keep this a light and more playful tone! I do have a head canon that Morgan Fey was executed in prison after her 2nd murderous attempt on poor Maya. In fact, in my fanfiction, _Filling The Void_ I took great pleasure in making that part of the storyline! I'd like to think that she didn't even die in a cool dignified way like getting to prison fight but more like she got to a food fight with a big fat woman named Bertha who smothered Morgan to death in her mashed potatoes! Bwahahaha!


	16. You've Got A Co-Worker In Me

_CT: This parody was so weird for me in so many ways. I'm just not used to writing songs about love and friendship, or anything without a diabolical spin for that matter. But nevertheless, I completed this labor of love and hope that it's to your liking. Now, to quote Gnarl from "Overlord", "I think I need to find a dark corner and something to pummel." *proceeds to repeatedly punch a plush doll of Nahyuta in the face*_

 _JP: Here's the part 2 of the JP/CT switcheroo as he takes a break from the dark side and goes pure fluffy socks while maintaining his comic genius! This request goes out to Yankeegirl13 and any JusticeCykes lovers out there!_

* * *

 _ **"You've Got a Coworker in Me"  
**_ **(Sung to the tune of "You've Got a Friend in Me"  
from Disney's** _ **Toy Story)**_

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

When finding evidence,

Gets tough,

And the prosecutor calls you,

Out on your bluff,

You just remember what Athena says:

Apollo, you've got a coworker in me.

Yep, you've got a coworker in me.

* * *

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got baggage, and I do, too,

I'm always there to listen to you.

We always work together and find what's true,

'Cause you've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

* * *

All the other girls may,

Mock and insult you all day,

And say how you'll die alone,

per se,

But that's definitely not true,

'Cause I care about you.

It's me and you, Apollo.

* * *

And as our investigations surely show,

Our friendship will only continue to grow.

I can tell our future's so bright.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

* * *

 _ **["I don't care how many time you sing that song, Athena. I'm not clearing the toilet for you."**_ _Apollo says with a disgruntled look and crossed arms.]_

 _ **["But it's really smelly and gross!"**_ _The yellow-cladded woman wails, her head tilted back and her clenched fists held up as she tries to fight back the tears forming in her eyes.]_

 _ **["I know. I had to clean it last week, as well as every other week before you came."**_ _Apollo wryly retorts._ _**"So it's only fair that you do it today."]**_

 _ **["Fine! But next time Junie wants to hear about you, I'm telling her what Trucy told me about Valentine's Day last year! How she walked in here and found you on the ground crying and hugging Charley because no girl would go out on a date with you!"]**_

 _ **["You wouldn't…!"**_ _Apollo growls.]_

 _ **["Oh, but I would…"**_ Athena says with a sinister sneer. _**"And last month when I visited Aura at the detention center, she told me an even better story about a specific time you went to the space center when you were in high school. It was a Friday evening, you had no date, so you decided to corner Ponco and proceeded to -"]**_

 _ **["Hold it!"]**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 13**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I think one of the reasons I like Luke Triton so much is he seems to have more of an affinity with animals than people… I can totally relate to this even though _I_ can't talk to them directly! There is just something extra dashing about a prince with a British accent! I loved the idea about blushingly pretty, (Princess) Pearl Fey having such a gallant suitor be her Prince Charming, who would literally need to be coaxed out of his perhaps overly gentleman training by a feisty puppy and a bunch of woodland creatures. Makes sense, considering the lad's mentor is probably a little bit skittish around women for the reasons my copilot listed below!

 **CT:** Considering that Luke's only male role model is a man who hasn't dated since his last girlfriend died in a tragic lab accident, the boy needs all the help he can get when it comes to wooing the ladies. Hopefully, Luke was wise enough to save a hint coin, or three, in case things started to go south. But if the date did fail so horribly that Luke needed to make a quick getaway, I can imagine that Don Paolo- always one to help a fellow failed romantic- was at the ready to whisk the young gentleman away with his flying machine.

 **ForGreatCoffee**

 **JP:** Luke is the human equivalent of a puppy – eager to please, and ever loyal, but not afraid to take a bite out of you if he feels threatened or wronged! How fitting that Constantine was the one to coax the animal whisperer into action!

 **CT:** Luke, he's too pure for this world. If the boy wasn't under the protection of the watchful eyes of Layton, he would have been broken like an urn in a house of Feys years ago.

 **Chapter 14**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Alas, Morgan is one of those characters where she's so bitter and vengeful that even when she knows she's defeated, she just keeps giving that grin of hers in an attempt to deny us the satisfaction of victory. At first, I was kind of reluctant to have Morgan belittling Mia at her grave on account of it being too dark, but then I remembered that this is the woman who gloats about her assumed victory to a picture of her sister.

 **JP:** My copilot is pretty awesome at coming up with great parodies from tunes/movies that were relatively weak sauce!It never occurred to me until I started seeing readers drawing the parallel between (the admittedly underwhelming/overrated) _Rapunzel's_ wicked mommy and Pearl's even more wicked not so mommy dearest that these 2 fiends were even remotely like but then I saw a fanart of Morgan with her hair down and…Yup. The Hair indeed has a Disney equivalent! I have a head cannon that she was murdered in prison. Nothing too dignified like having one of her disgruntled attempted victims send over a poison strawberry dessert or tea or anything… in a terrible food fight. Or choked on the stale bread roll…

 **Chapter 15  
**

 **ForGreatCoffee**

 **JP:** Have Dahlia suffer at the hands of Satan, the same fate as Dolores Umbridge you say? Tell us how you _really_ feel! LOL. But… can that really be done to the _willing_? XD  
If anything, Beelzebub is the one I feel sorry for, because I have no doubt that upon her arrival that She-Devil will undoubtedly try to take over… and succeed! I think a far better fate for her may actually be purgatory… Where she is literally in limbo neither thought of, no remembered, and basically deemed insignificant… My favourite moment of possibly the entire original trilogy was Phoenix shouting just how inconsequential she was to him now that was ultimately her undoing!

 **CT:** Considering who your favorite character in the "Ace Attorney" series is, it's no surprise that you don't have the warmest feelings for that conniving demon of a girl. Though knowing Dahlia, she feasts on hatred and suffering and feels giddy whenever someone tries to insult her, knowing that even though she's lost, she at least left a lasting impact. So if Dahlia saw those insults, she would probably just shrug them off, giggling and flashing you that eerily angelic grin of hers before sweetly asking, "Is that all?"

 **LemonSmoothie**

 **JP:** Thank you very much for taking the time to drop us a line! It's good to know that you're enjoying the song parodies, and an touch that you enjoyed my version of 'Gaston' considering it meant portraying fan favourite Edgeworth as a pseudo-villain, even if it did manage to illuminate Gumshoe at his sycophant best! As per your requests… Let's just say they're in very good hands! ;)

 **CT:** I'm glad you're enjoying the fanfic! We have plenty more material coming up, so if you like what we've already posted, then buckle up, because this ride's far from over!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I didn't know the _101 Dalmations_ tune at all – which is why I was delighted with the reader request (I love them, keep em' coming!) Lady Dracula that's definitely a new one that I've heardI think I like it… Considering she _sucks_ … figuratively and no doubt _literally!_ She was obviously not above using her feminine wiles to get what she wants, and while I know you haven't read _Filling The Void_ due to its risqué content, but just say I have my own personal head cannon of just _how_ Draculina managed to get Phoenix so whipped from just their _one_ (carnal!) encounter! Damn right hell wouldn't want her – it's afraid she'll take over!

 **CT:** Considering the characters that have come out of the "Ace Attorney" series, Dahlia is probably is right at home in Hell. Heck, knowing her, she's probably best friends with Ann Sasha. I can imagine Dahlia and Ann sharing a spot of tea at a table with a white linen tablecloth amidst a sea of flames, giggling as they exchange stories of manipulation and murder.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I never would've thought about the parallel to the bloodthirsty spider to the vile vixen, but does make sense considering Morgan _is_ her mother… I think Iris is simply an anomaly because I can't see how any offspring of hers could've even turned out remotely normal I think Pearl got separated from her just in time and although a doormat I suppose Iris's gentle nature is due to her being raised by a nun!

Considering I'm now going into chapter 183 I wouldn't expect too many readers to have memories of an elephant in order to remember chapter 54 which was called the _Coke is a Lie_! Speaking of TE, since you hadn't play the crossover yet, I hope you're still able to follow and enjoy the Labyrinthia arc considering it does have a lot of the characters from that game and it, (I do look forward to hearing your thoughts when you do though) :-)

 **CT:** I'd say that Ga'ran is more reminiscent to Morgan, given the fact that both are embittered crones with no spiritual powers that envy their nicer, much more gifted sisters and bank all their plans on young girls who they raise as daughters. Though suffice to say, when it came to Dahlia, the worm-filled crabapple didn't fall far from the tree.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Depending on how you look at it in the whole Manfred versus Dahlia debate of the evil one could argue that Dahlia was a serial killer while Nosferatu technically only killed one… But considering how many presumably innocent people he had wrongfully incarcerated and executed due to his shady methods as a prosecutor, I'm still going to cast my vote with Herr Dracula! However for her part in seeking the Miego ship even though it was that forgettable Joker want to be villain Redd White who did the deed, I will concede that Draculina was a much better and loathsome villain!

 **CT:** After reading TheFreelancerSeal's comment about how Dahlia is worse than Dracula, I can picture her and Manfred arguing about which one of them is more evil. And while Dahlia may have taken Godot out of picture, Redd White was the one to truly kill the Miego ship, both literally and figuratively, when he paid a visit to Mia's office on that fateful night.

 **Morally Draconequus**

 **JP:** Since we've never had the pleasure of hearing from you before, dear reader, thank you so much for taking the time to read and drop us a line. So happy that you're enjoying the parodies, and as for your requests… See below. ;)

 **CT:** Now that you bring it up, I have been thinking about a parody of "Savages". It'll take some time to write, but I think we can make it work.

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** Goody! You're still reading and know we've been plowing through as many of your wonderful requests as possible! I am so happy you're a Klema fan… I loved writing both of the songs I did for them. And, considering they are a crack pairing I am also touched you enjoyed Feyt! The gorgeous Barnham, as I'm sure Eve reciprocated his feelings (hello! _Look_ at him!) certainly does need any help with the ladies… I'm sure he was all too eager to pass over his adorable pup to help out the way too gentlemanly Luke get to first base! I think while Dahlia doesn't care if she gets insulted since she gets off on people's anger, her being laughed and mocked at might make her go crazy… It might be the equivalent of throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West! XD

 **CT:** I can imagine Eve and Constantine being the typical romantic comedy advice duo that's always at each other's throats, with the former being more whimsical and carefree while the latter acting more serious and focused on the task at hand.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I am very excited and happy to tell you milady that I actually worked on your song request this weekend, and I hope you're happy with it as I will be posting it very soon. There are marshmallows that are probably less fluffy!

 **CT:** What can we say? If a song fits an "Ace Attorney" character, we'll make a parody out of it. I hope you're just as impressed with this most recent chapter in which I get in touch with my lighter side.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** Truthfully, I'm glad to have made my stay on the dark side be a temporary one only – I'm afraid of the dark! :p

 _La perra pelirroja_ is the female villain I love to hate most thusly so I'm very happy that you enjoyed this parody with the "Dynamic Duo" role switch. I like the idea of the satanic succubus being subjected to Chinese water torture with corrosive acid in lieu of water right after death by thousand paper cuts! (I'm very vindictive just not very imaginative right now I'm sure the readers could come up with something worse… If you ever read Turnabout Everlasting and become acquainted with my OC villain, The Dragon Lady, my vengeful readers had some of the most wonderful awful ways of plotting her demise I think I've ever seen!) The idea of Godot being in heaven with Mia while she played the saxophone is awesome… I had seen cosplay's of the character dressed in white wielding a saxophone that is just incredible… Check out this link:

 ** _Imgur dot com /a/IeNjBAi_**

 **CT:** Hopefully, this most recent chapter shows that I can be just as lighthearted as my cowriter; just like how the last chapter shows how she can rival me when she embraces the power of the Dark Side of the Fanfic. Regarding where in Hell Dahlia would reside, I'd say that after murdering Valerie in cold blood without warning, she'd be sent to the Ninth Circle of Treachery, with the Eight Circle of Fraud, specifically in the ditch for seducers, being the alternative.


	17. Wright Agency

_JP: This goes out to my dear friend and FF Wrighter, For Flora Alice. I decided to make this take place circa AJ, beginning of case 2 when Polly was conned into coming to the hospital after Nick's hit and run. The red attorney is still salty over the whole forged ace fiasco, which made him literally deck his idol, so the little magician tries to convince him (in the Island voice of Sebastian the crab!) that working for the Wright (Anything) Agency be a life of "No problem mon!" XD_

 _CT: I can just imagine Apollo giving Trucy his typical disheartened look with crossed arms as she bounces around the Anything Agency while singing this song. But unfortunately for Apollo, this is his life now- forever doomed to deal with Trucy and all her eccentric ways, trials that only serve to take decades off his life, and everyone and their grandma making fun of his hair, forehead, voice, or a combination of the three for little to no pay._

* * *

 **"Wright Agency"**  
 **(Sung to the tune of "Under The Sea" from  
Disney's** ** _The Little Mermaid)_**

* * *

Trucy: _"Polly, listen to me, mon. The court system… it's a mess… Naah mean?_

Apollo _: "Hold it! What's with the Jamaican lingo and accent?!"_

Trucy _: Working here, for a renowned agency… wouldn't that be more irie than going it alone? Or worse, become a Bumboclaat prosecutor? A mi fi tell yu…_

* * *

Don't let this one misdemeanor  
Have you make a big mistake  
Your dream is to seek out justice  
You quit now, you be a flake  
Just look at our broken system  
Repair be a great big chore  
We can't do a thing without you  
What else you a lawyer for?

* * *

Wright Agency  
Wright Agency  
Be our abettor  
And a go-getter  
Come work with me  
Here's a toilet brush, scrub away!  
Make sure Charley's watered today!  
Stop with that glower  
Just when it's slower  
Wright Agency

* * *

Me and Daddy be happy  
We na' care that we be poor  
But the rich DA's ain't happy  
Forever they losers, sore  
Who cares, let them be sucky  
Defense always keeps their pride!  
We get the "Not Guilty" verdict  
You can't beat that thrill inside!

* * *

Wright Agency  
Wright Agency  
No one defeat us  
Wish they could beat us  
Undoubtedly!  
We no defend the dirty crooks  
Wright Agency we by the book  
It's never boring  
No time for snoring  
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)  
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)

* * *

Get your law fill here  
Eat pudding chill here  
Consistently (Consistently)  
Even the lawyers and DA's  
Chuck all hostilities away  
As soon as court's done  
They band and have fun  
Wright Agency

* * *

The judge he rules fair  
Herr Gavin's a fop  
He plays air guitar  
He won't ever stop  
Ema's full of sass  
Pelts her Snackoo snacks  
Kristoph ain't got no soul  
(Yeah)  
Music Dad can't play  
He bluffs his way through  
He's a poker shark  
Though won't lie to _you_  
He'll help us find truth  
He knows where it's at  
An' oh that Kristoph blows!

* * *

Yeah, Wright Agency (Wright Agency)  
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)  
Hearing _"Objection!"_  
Every inflection  
Is music to me (Is music to me)  
Prosecution no understand  
We always got the upper hand  
All the "Take That's" here  
Prove all the facts clear  
Wright Agency

* * *

Each one of us here  
Is a force to fear  
Wright Agency  
Each one of us here  
In clients we trust here  
That's why it's better  
We be trend-setters  
Ya we got luck here  
Always buck up here  
Wright Agency

* * *

Apollo: _"So in which verse do I actually get_ _ **paid … MON**_ ** _?!"_**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) s_ _hout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 16**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I'm no expert when it comes to matters involving the human digestive system, but I think that no bathroom's going to look nice when it's being used by four people who primarily eat burgers and insanely salty noodles that were cooked with rainwater. Plus, I think it's safe to say that no one likes cleaning toilets period.

 **JP:** All I can think about is Athena being a health nut who probably drink protein shakes… Do you have any _idea_ what that does to latrines?! XD

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** You got me, that was indeed a bit of Junipollo I included at the end of "You've Got a Coworker in Me". Sure, Juniper may have all of the character depth of a piece of cardboard, but that doesn't mean that her crush on Apollo isn't cute. I can just imagine Juniper sheepishly asking Athena to tell her everything that she knows about Apollo- childhood, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc.- in the hopes of one day gaining the confidence to confess her feelings to him.

Though knowing Athena, she's already aware of Juniper's feelings for Apollo and, being the good friend that she is, won't try to compete with her for his affections. Because with how frail Juniper's system is, a broken heart could potentially put her in the hospital- and we all know that Athena wouldn't be able to live with herself if anything like that ever happened. That's why while I have nothing against Justicykes and like the pairing very much, I feel that Junipollo is the more natural ship.

 **JP:** I have to give mad props to my talented partner for creating a dynamic song that manages to be open to interpretation for either ship of Junie or Athena for the red attorney! I know how much you love Apollo and Trucy so I hope you enjoyed some magical sibling sweetness, here – daddy/daughter marshmallow fluff coming soon!

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody. It was a lot of fun to write.

 **JP:** Indubitably! We aim to please! :)

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Yeah, I agree that Apollo and Athena's relationship is similar to Phoenix and Maya's- just replace burgers with orange juice and "The Steel Samurai" with morning jogs. If Athena and Apollo ever start dating, the only major pitfall I can see for their relationship is the inevitable dispute where Athena wants Apollo to jog with her at six in the morning, yet he doesn't want to even think about moving because he's so tired. It would be just like that one episode of "Friends" where Monica was trying to train Chandler despite his constant objections.

 **JP:** as much as readers can see the alarming parallels between the wicked witches of AA/Rapunzel, so have always seen JusticeCykes as a mini Phaya myself, I am very much looking forward to hearing your thoughts about the crossover, but as one of my favourite readers, I am delighted to know that you can still follow my story nevertheless. Prepare for a serious case of puppy love when you meet Constantine… The catalyst that brought Feyt together, and has more of an appetite for Phoenix's buns than I do! XD

 **AlyCat20**

 **CT** : I think that we can all appreciate the irony of you commenting on psychological turmoil on a parody starring Athena. Too bad Athena isn't real, otherwise, she could schedule a therapy session for you right after she's done helping Apollo cope with all the trauma he faces whenever Trucy forces him to assist her in her shows.

 **JP:** I saw the _Avengers_ movie myself so I totally hear you about the trauma… _The Colour Purple_ isn't just a tragic book – it also represents _bruises_ which is what I had on my own heart after seeing that film! My only consolation is that part 2 comes out next year so hopefully, justice will be served! Always a pleasure to hear from you and I'm delighted that you like my crack pairing of Feyt!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you liked the ending so much! When I was writing that part, I had to actually take several breaks because I was laughing so hard. The idea just came to me out of nowhere when I was thinking of reasons for why Athena would sing this kind of song to Apollo, and then I remembered that this is Apollo- he's the guy who can't receive a genuine compliment unless he overthrows a dictator. So I figured, what better way to reflect Apollo and Athena's friendship- which involved him being cast aside to watch over the office while she and Phoenix got to go to the aquarium- than by trying to force toilet cleaning on the poor guy?

 **JP** : Better late than never although it's always great to hear from one of my favourite readers with one-year memorable and heartwarming reviews as soon as we crank something out! You really make a geeky fanfiction writer happy as a clam with their hobby, and your support on my latest corroboration is no exception! Yes, funny man did a great job with this parody but I was cracking up at the ending myself… gives "potty humor" a whole new meaning! LOL

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** I swear, someone in the fandom needs to create a dating simulator staring Apollo and practically every girl he's had to deal with over the course of the games he's been in- except for Trucy, much to Dhurke's disappointment. Sure, Apollo may be the series' punching bag, but the guy's got a certain charm about him, considering that he has more ships than Phoenix and Edgeworth combined.

As for the Ace Shipper Club, Trucy may be a Justicykes shipper, but I can see Pearl being on Team Junipollo. For not only did Apollo save Juniper during the courthouse bombing, but he tried to be her attorney when she was framed for the incident, putting her well-being ahead of his- and in Pearl's eyes, that instantly makes Apollo and Juniper special someones. And while Trucy and Pearl argue about their differing views, Sebastian just sits in the corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position while crying.

 **JP:** I love JusticeCykes myself but what I love here is that my talented partner literally left the song open to interpretation for either pairing depending on how you look at it! Ask for the epic Wrightworth bromance it may not have been used for the Toy Story song but you better bet your bottom dollar it's coming up as one of our readers did request a Phoenix and Miles song which I'm only too happy to do!

I can't believe I have a new reader for Turnabout Everlasting! Now you know why all my readers have written in their reviews why they wished a plague upon the house of Mildred Latrine, aka The Dragon Lady (and ultimate Phaya c-blocker...np wait that's Hendricks!) Hee!

I love hearing from you and eagerly await more of your feedback on my favorite fanfiction of mine which will be updated this month!

p.s. my Melsa hating copilot will surely embrace any excuse to punch at any likeness of Sad Monk! Me, I personally prefer to throw darts! :p


	18. Khura'in's Greatest Queen

_CT: Well, spiders are usually depicted in the same evil light as ra- er, I mean big mice. Plus, I think we've all pictured Ga'ran's royal guards carrying her around her throne room, singing about how great she is while performing tricks and stunts._

 _JP: It gives me great pleasure to announce that my very talented and funny copilot was able to fulfil this request given by my good friend and one of my favourite readers TheFreelancerSeal, who, when he made asked for this parody, actually got me to watch this Sherlock Holmes in rodent format movie, which I hadn't even heard of but I absolutely loved! I hope you enjoy this ditty of the bloodthirsty spider boasting about her plan to kill Inga while her sickening sycophant royal guards practically knock themselves out arguing amongst their clan who will be the fortunate one to collect Her Malevolence's footprints in the mud…_

* * *

" **Khura'in's Greatest Queen"**  
 **(Sung to the tune of "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind"  
from Disney's** _ **The Great Mouse Detective**_ )

[ _After a long day of ruling over Khura'in, Ga'ran decides to blow off some steam by singing about how great she is as her Royal Guards stand at attention.]_

* * *

 _ **{Ga'ran}**_  
From the mind that usurped Khura'in's throne,  
The magnificent queen whose glory is known,  
For imposing the wonderful DC Act,  
That got Dhurke's livelihood eliminated and sacked.

* * *

But those were just the beginning,  
To our scheme for glory and winning.  
Our earlier deeds were quite a thing to see,  
But now we must be more merciless,  
For our rule is threatened as Inga plots against us,  
Surely you would agree.

* * *

 **{Royal Guards}**  
More merciless? Are you serious?  
More ruthless than those children you had executed?  
You're the greatest queen we've reputed.  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Your intellect has no peers!  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Your beauty brings us to tears!

* * *

 _ **["Thank you, Guards. Your words are most refreshing to our ears."**_ _Ga'ran smirks._ _ **"But alas, our rule hasn't been all flowers and butterflies. For we have faced our fair share of adversity thanks to that meddlesome, loudmouthed rebel, Dhurke Sahdmadhi!"**_ _The sinister queen snarls.]_

* * *

 _ **["Booo!"**_ _The Royal Guards yell in unison_. _]_

* * *

 _ **["For 23 years, that idealistic brute has sought to end our glorious rule, and we haven't had peace of mind ever since!"**_ _Ga'ran bemoans in an over-the-top fashion, sniffling and even faking a tear to really sell it.]_

* * *

 _ **["Aww…"**_ _The guards bemoan, a few of them whimpering with trembling lower lips.]_

* * *

 _[But in the blink of an eye, a sinister grin spreads across the queen's face._ _**"But once we get rid of our traitorous husband and claim the Founder's Orb for ourselves, no one- not Dhurke, not that meddlesome foreign attorney, nor anyone else, for that matter - will ever be able to stand in our way! The people of Khura'in shall venerate us for the rest of time!"]**_

* * *

 **{Royal Guards}**  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Your enemies all cower!  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,

* * *

 **{A Single Guard}**  
Despite your lacking spiritual power!

* * *

 _ **["Who said that?!"**_ _Ga'ran snarls, prompting the Royal Guards to quickly distance themselves from the quivering man._ _**"Eemp Pu'tant…! Why am I not surprised?"]**_

* * *

 _ **["Y-Y-Your Eminence, I-I can explain!"**_ _The man stutters, dropping to his knees out of fear._ _ **"Back when it was declared that Her Merciful would become queen instead of you, we were told that it was because she had more spiritual power than you."]**_

* * *

 _ **["Such Insolence!"**_ _Ga'ran roars_. _**"We have always been a prodigy in regards to my spiritual capabilities and we will not allow for some lowly guard to say otherwise!"]**_

* * *

 _ **["I-I'm sorry, Your Eminence! It won't happen again!"]**_

* * *

 _ **["We fully agree with you, Pu'tant. For you know what happens to guards who have the audacity to question our powers…"**_ _The Queen snaps her fingers prompting two guards to restrain Eemp's arms, holding the man in place before a third guard slices his throat open with his sword.]_

* * *

 _[After the deed is done, the two guards let go of Eemp's arms, allowing his corpse to fall to the ground with a thud. For the next few seconds, the throne room is filled with an eerie silence, which is suddenly broken by Ga'ran.]_

* * *

 _ **["As you were singing?"**_ _The Queen smirks.]_

* * *

 **{Royal Guards}**  
Even prouder,  
We'll proclaim it!  
No one could hope to hold a candle to you!  
Your word is the only one that's true!  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Your teeth are so clean!  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
Oh, Your Eminence,  
The greatest Khura'inesequeeeeeen!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a_ _duet!)_ _shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 17**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Undoubtedly much like the place from which she pulled out a spare tire, Trucy has been hiding that Jamaican accent in her magical _underwear_!*

I suppose Phoenix could also claim that with the muscles Apollo will gain sexy muscles from all that toilet scrubbing, so he can lend himself a sugar mama that can pay his bills for him? Also, all that finger-pointing and objecting will certainly burn off any excess calories he gets from the pudding, which will undoubtedly be his payment! :p

 _*Apollo: (whispers) "Panties!" Before proceeding to turn the same shade as Sebastian the crab._

 **CT:** Apollo wishes he was paid in pudding. Because at least with pudding, you don't run the risk of dying after two bowls, which is more than can be said about the only known payment that he's ever received.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** I really think Apollo and Trucy could give Luigi and Mario a run for their money in the adorable video game sibling department! Also, I must give you kudos for being so open-minded about JusticeCykes considering you like Junie and Polly together milady… Apollo is shipped with so many different people including with Ema and Pearl on occasion… The little cutie is like his mentor Phoenix that way… Like a black sweater, he just goes with everything!

 **CT:** While I can appreciate Justicykes, I can't help but feel that after everything Apollo's been through, he needs a nice, quiet girl that will let him slow down and take life at a more casual pace. That, and I have a bit of a soft spot for ships that involve shy girls.

 **FloraAlice**

 **JP:** _Gern geschehen, meine Liebe!  
_ Yet, I don't think Apollo was very impressed with his sister's serenade **.** I think she really gets his goat! XD  
Ahem, considering all you have done for me with your kindness and music playlists and just being such an overall wonderful supportive reader, I was delighted to be able to give you a songfic request that you liked so much, my hilarious hircine harmonizer!  
A _drowning goat_ when you warble, you say?  
You know that you now _have_ to send me your karaoke sing-a-long version, Wright? Yes, I'm not KID-ding! :p

 **CT:** That, or Apollo is convinced that he's died and gone to Hell, where the Devil is a hobo version of his role model and that the gatekeeper is a giddy magician girl. You don't know how flattered we are whenever we hear fans telling us how they love to sing along with our parodies. Your taking such a liking to "Anything Agency" has really made my day.

 **JoeClone**

 **JP:** That contradiction may be true, but for the sake of musical merrymaking, we'll let it slide! Perhaps Trucy's magic talents give her glimpses of the future? Also, via Mr. Hat, Trucy proves herself as quite the ventriloquist, so who's to say she doesn't have the Sebastian voice down-pat?

 **CT:** I believe that the error you're referring to is Trucy using Apollo's questionable first trial in order to subconsciously manipulate him into accepting the job offer. For you see, during that trial, Apollo convicted Kristoph through the use of forged evidence- the status of which was immediately and clearly stated- yet he was not given any form of punishment. So by Trucy singing about two people she's heard of that Apollo has yet to meet- one being a friend of her father's and the other being a famous rock star/prosecutor, as well as Kristoph's brother- she is reminding him that no matter what he does, it won't change the fact that he used evidence that he had never truly seen before to arrest his former mentor. Thus, Trucy is essentially telling Apollo that if he's come this far, it would be a waste of both his talents and time not to continue down this path.

Just remember: never underestimate Trucy. She may look cute and act all sweet and innocent, but beneath that benign exterior is the dark, conniving mind of a Gramarye. And just like her grandfather before her, Trucy knows how to play to people's weaknesses in order to manipulate them into doing her bidding. Apollo's fate was sealed the second he met her in that defendant's lobby.

 **Justice for No One**

 **JP:** _*rubs her sore head which indeed sustained grievous injuries from her self-imposed, Manfred style head banging session from the news about Herr Douche Canoe from her copilot, below*_

I'd like to think that in the same way there is Stockholm syndrome, Apollo has learned to love his quirky low-wage/no wage company at the WAA and will be back next game, and I need to believe this mostly because I adore the magical siblings and partially because I am a shameless JusticeCykes shipper! Besides, if nothing else, Charley is his homeboy! :p

 _Under the Sea_ for the longest time up until a certain overrated Nordic fairytale came to life and "Let It Blow" was just about the biggest Disney earworm that I knew of! Most people do not care for earworm's so no offense taken if you didn't love the song and tell you heard my parody if anything I'm absolutely flattered that is on par praise with people telling me that they have jumped ships because of me and now like the pairing because of something I wrote!

I have a headcanon that everybody in the Ace Attorney series has musical talent and great vocal ability (except for the Payne brothers they sound like dying cats although Winston plays a wicked kazoo!) But while Trucy would definitely have the singing ability because of who her mother is, her brother is probably Debeste singer of all, what with his chords of steel and _dual_ singing parentage background! Of course he's got too much of a stick up his _culo_ to actually sing along in this case, even in the hilarious event that Ema and the fop would be his chorus and iniquity playing on the piano… The idea of "Dildo" (it's a perfectly acceptable insult, I'd call him a Dick but he's just not real enough!) Gavin being a high pitched tenor suddenly has me looking at all my copilot's vocals starring the creepy German sausage in a whole new light hilarious light, but I digress! :p

 **CT:** We've had many comments with people saying of how they sing along to our parodies, but to hear that they've actually surpassed the original takes it to a whole new level. We're glad to know that we managed to bring you enjoyment with a Disney song that otherwise isn't your cup of tea. And as a fun fact, I actually felt the same way in regards to "You've Got a Friend in Me" when I was writing "You've Got a Coworker in Me". I just felt that the original was so sickeningly sappy that I had to include a less sincere scenario surrounding it just to help keep me sane.

After doing some research, I actually found a page on Court-Records Forums created about this time last year where a user by the name of Commander Elmo stated that they were in the process of creating a dating simulator/"Ace Attorney" hybrid staring Apollo, in which he takes on a case defending Wocky (I can already picture JP slamming her head against her keyboard in a similar fashion to Manfred) and must choose between dating Athena, Juniper, Ema, and Klavier. I wasn't able to get any more information, such as potential release dates or overall progress with the project, but it's pretty cool to see that other people share our opinion that Apollo was made for a dating simulator.

I think that Sebastian would be less sad about the fact that he's in a crack ship, and more upset at the fact that he's literally shipped with just Kay on the grounds that she's the only girl around his age that he interacted with who doesn't already have any other serious ships. Personally, my crack ship for Sebastian is with Lauren Paups since they'd balance each other out- Lauren would help boost Sebastian's self-esteem with her obsessive, yet loving and caring, nature, while Sebastian, with his benign, dedicated personality, would be the loyal Prince Charming that Lauren always dreamed of dating.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Come on we all know Apollo is his secret baby sister's abused assistant because he just can't say no to her… Even Athena noted that Trucy can play him like a piano (in a way that Phoenix the phony musician literally never could!) Into obeying her every whim!

I never did picture Trucy sounding just like Bassy, only having the world's best faux Jamaican accent, and now I can't stop giggling maniacally, considering we actually heard Trucy's voice actress in Spirit of Justice and know how soft-spoken and high-pitched her voice actually supposed to be normally! XD

Didn't you know? Trucy managed to get out the legal disclaimer about how Apollo is doing all this for no more than the thrill of that NOT GUILTY! (because she and Nick be po', yo!)

Me and Daddy be happy  
 _We na' care that we be poor_  
But the rich DA's ain't happy  
Forever they losers, sore  
Who cares, let them be sucky  
Defense always keeps their pride!  
 _We get the "Not Guilty" verdict  
You can't beat that thrill inside!_

And then she drives it home that his wages will be nada than pudding …here:

Get your law fill here  
 _Eat pudding chill here  
Consistently (Consistently)!_

Never trust a Gramarye! Even the adorable bouncy ones! XD

I also never thought about the concept of Sebastian actually sounding like he had high blood pressure but considering he was forced to babysit the world's most recalcitrant teenage mermaid, at the risk of incurring the wrath of a vengeful strapping Triton, I daresay that sounds like an accurate analogy! No wonder he's so red – it ain't just because he's _crabby_! _Hey-Oh!_

That reminds me:  
Q: What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?  
A: One's a _crusty bus_ _station_ , and the other is a _busty crustacean_!

I'm _not_ apologizing!

 **CT:** In "Apollo Justice", the only payment Apollo received for his efforts that were mentioned was a bowl of Eldoon's noodles. That's it, a bowl of dangerously salty noodles that was cooked with rainwater. I actually don't know who's salary situation's worse, Gumshoe's or Apollo's? Sure, Gumshoe may be paid so little that he can't afford heat or electricity, but at least he's paid with actual money, and not a bowl of noodles from a restaurant whose mascot is a face wracked with pain.

 **MuhammadGamingS:**

 **JP:** New headcanon… Apollo bruises like a peach! Also, being a shameless Phaya lover (this game was where it all begun for me!), I would like to think that Nick already had a great set of buns even before his bakery debut and that Maya would knead not argue! XD

 **CT:** Unfortunately for Apollo, that scenario is how I imagine his jogging experience with Athena being like. I can just picture Athena, with a big grin on her face, running without a care in the world down the sidewalk, holding Apollo's arm while dragging his face down, asleep body on the ground behind her. Either that or Athena takes advantage of her upper body strength to hold Apollo's shins in her hands while his upper half bends down over her shoulders, like a sweater on one of those preppy people that frequent country clubs.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Research required for this obscure tune… any alternatives?

 **CT:** We'll keep your idea in mind.


	19. We Will Never Part

_JP: After that murderous mayhem of a certain megalomaniac monarch last chapter, my alliteration loving self hopes you can appreciate the dulcet change of pace and enjoy this early days of DILF-dom Nick and Trucy parody, which after using the original (one of my fave songs by my fave singer whose concert I am going to this fall! Yay!) for Pearl and Phoenix to show their Daddy/Daughter love in TE, it gave me such great pleasure to do again for him and the little magician! It's set right when he got disbarred and had first adopted the little Gramarye future heiress. This fluffy socks request is for one of my fave and most loyal readers, milady_ _ **Chloemcg**_ _(I bow to her overall FF Wrighter Fluffy greatness)!_

 _CT: When Phoenix lost his badge, he was devastated. In the course of a single day, he had lost his livelihood and reputation. However, that blow was softened when Phoenix gained a sweet, kind daughter who will always believe and him and stand by his side... except when he's playing the piano. In that case, Trucy, along with everyone else unfortunate enough to be present, quickly evacuates the building. JP has done an excellent job in capturing the spirit of Phoenix and Trucy's relationship when they decided to become a family._

* * *

 _ **"We Will Never Part"**_ _  
_ **(Sung to the tune of "You'll Be In My Heart"  
from Disney's **_**Tarzan**_ **)** _  
_

Come stop that sighing  
And put up a fight  
I'm here for you  
We'll be alright

* * *

I will support you  
So don't you feel blue  
I'll never leave  
From your side

* * *

You're Phoenix Wright  
Law's where you belong  
I'll join your fight,  
To help you right this wrong

* * *

You feel so scared now  
I'll support us  
So you and me  
We'll get by

* * *

'Cause we will never part  
No, we will never part  
We'll be Daddy  
And daughter forever more

* * *

We will never part  
Who cares what they all say  
I'll love and stand by you, always

* * *

Believe me I know just the way it feels  
Who can you trust when you're in such pain?  
We're not so different, for I'm alone too  
Let's rise together from this fall

* * *

And we will never part  
No, we will never part  
We'll be Daddy  
And daughter forever more

* * *

Forget your doubters  
'Cause what do they know (what do they know)?  
We'll clear your name  
The truth'll unfold  
They'll eat those words  
I know

* * *

The roads will be bumpy  
You must stay strong (you gotta be strong)  
Just believe in yourself  
And you'll never go wrong  
You'll rise again  
I know  
We'll show them together

* * *

And we will never part  
Believe me, we will never part  
We'll be Daddy  
And daughter forever more

* * *

Ooh, we will never part (you'll make a fresh new start)  
It's just us from today (I'll be with you)  
No, we will never part (I'll be here)  
Always  
Always

* * *

I'll stand by you  
I'll believe in you always  
And love you for always

* * *

Just lean upon this shoulder  
It's there as we grow older  
I'm your unmoving boulder  
I'll be here  
Always

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 18**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I'll be damned the second I allow a Disney song to be darker than the parody of it that comes out of my twisted, disturbing mind. So if the actual song includes a scene where the lackey who spoke out of line gets killed in a gruesome manner, then I have to do the same. Though since Ga'ran doesn't have a giant pet spider that she can feed those that dare defy her to, she has to settle for good, old fashion public execution.

 **JP:** When it comes to my copilot I've learned to expect the unexpected! :p

While it was very disturbing to see the swift vengeance performed by the bloodthirsty spider in the face of _"Such Insolence!"_ It's most fortunate that her sister's pet tiger wasn't around… I think that would've been a much more grisly fate to witness (although it would have been very good twisted homage to the movie were a poor drunken mouse does get fed to a cat!) That being said, I hope to have soothed any residual harrowing execution images from the last chapter with this marshmallow whipped cream fluff equivalent that I wrote for you milady! :-)

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Khura'in- the land where Capcom just gave up on being discreet with the pun names. Either that, or the Holy Mother loved corny puns and decreed that all citizens in her country must have an obvious pun name. That latter possibility would explain where Maya's love of Moe's horrible jokes came from.

Spoiler alert: Even though the culture of Labyrinthia revolves around witchcraft, Maya's spirit channeling abilities are never used or become a plot point, only being referenced a few times for introductory purposes.

JP:

I will refrain from making any more Ace Baker "sticky bun" jokes since this is literally a Disney fanfic and instead sayI'm really happy that when my favourite readers has immersed himself into the wonderful world of Labyrinthia just as I'm about to post my next medieval setting chapter of TE! Moreover it's awesome to be able to squee over a pretty awesome game where the roots of my Phaya worship began with somebody new! (Very curious to know what you think of the ending!)

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. Neither JP nor I were angered by your comment and felt that it was valid input. I was just having a little fun by going into conspiracy mode of thinking about what if Trucy was this sinister puppet master who was pulling the strings and manipulating practically every event that occurred in "Apollo Justice".

 **JP:** I will shamelessly admit that I pick rhythm over reason what I write these parodies, but I will equally as shamelessly profess to being delighted that we have readers that play such close attention to our works, so no grudges or objections whatsoever! I am just very happy to have you as such a loyal reader after all this time! :) ( _psst! Your other request is next!)_

 **LemonSmoothie**

 **CT:** Regarding that dart board, I could easily see Ga'ran having something like that in her room. But if "The Imperial Daddy" is of any indication, I believe that our favorite evil queen's preferred method of dealing with her anger regarding Dhurke is by taking it out on Inga in the form of very violent, painful bedroom role-play in which he's forced to wear a long, straight black wig, an eye patch, and an outfit similar to the unyielding dragon's.

 **JP:** We all have our triggers… When you are a megalomaniac with the ego that rivals the size of your ruled nation… Swift and ruthless homicide is of course the answer to anyone that points out your shortcomings! Heck, people have killed for less, like over a game of Monopoly (yes I am not joking!) Regarding my hilariously sadistic copilot's comment about Inga being forced to role-play as Daddy Dragon… If you're familiar with his works occasionally a certain _purple baton_ might be included into the fray! XR

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you liked what we did with the parody. To be honest, when JP told me your suggestion, I was at a loss regarding which character to use. I knew that whoever would be the star of the parody would have to have three things: an ego big enough to be its own galaxy, lackeys that worship the ground that they walk on, whether out of love or a fear of getting killed and a sadistic sense of glee when performing evil deeds. After all, the Tower Bridge Job that Rattigan refers to was him throwing a bunch of people, presumably mice, into the Thames River and shooting any that didn't drown, according to an alternate version of the song.

Several candidates for the parody that were considered included, but weren't limited to, Quercus Alba, Hart Vortex, and Simon Keyes, with the lattermost being considered because of his sheer cunning. However, none of those characters felt quite right for the position. But then when I started writing a parody for Inga, the idea to use Ga'ran and her Royal Guards hit me.

 **JP:** It's funny that you mentioned _"poor unfortunate souls"_ because that was a request that was made by another reader and is on the lengthy song list! Yes it would've been perfect for Her Malevolence as well… But I don't want to keep reusing the same villain for everything some going to have to rack my brain trying to find a worthy Bête Noire! It was so nice to know people appreciated this homage to the late, great Vincent Price, who when I read the trivia for the underrated gem that was The Great Mouse Detective, apparently achieved his lifelong dream of voicing a Disney character when he ended up being the voice for the nefarious Ratigan! Your comment about the spider queens lackeys lapping up the opportunity to get a concussion from her makes me think about the sexy female knight in the Layton crossover game who had all the other bumbling nights clambering to have her climb over them in her stilettos! In hindsight that some pretty kinky stuff to sneak into a PG game…oh those dirrrrrty game makers! XD  
Considering all your loyalty on pretty much everything I've ever written for the past three years, and being such an awesome friend offsite, a shout out and fulfilling your non-request was the very least I could do bud! So glad you likey! :-)

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Well, stranger things have happened in the "Ace Attorney" universe.

 **JP:** Case in point – see riveting Orla testimony from Turnabout Reclaimed…

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** We'll try, but we can't make any promises

 **JP:** It's a pretty long request list we have right now…


	20. Enemies On The Other Side

_CT: I can't believe I almost based this parody off of Atishon roping Phoenix into being his attorney for the Founder's Orb trial. How could I have not immediately realized that this parody was made for Retinz and his psychotic revenge scheme? He practices magic, has that seedy "sell your soul to the Devil" personality and flair, and even wears a hat. Heck, considering some of the shows he's produced, I wouldn't be surprised if Retinz was utilizing some supernatural forces._

 _JP: As always, my copilot has outdone himself with his brilliant portrayal of the evilness that was Robert Downey Depp, who is way too underrated as a villain considering his lame motive (ow! a boo-boo on my arm!) for wanting to frame and disgrace an innocent 17-year-old girl! This is set for when Retinz met Trucy in order to produce "Trucy in Gramarye Land" and got her to unwittingly sign that bogus contract that almost allowed him to claim the Anything Agency as his own. This one goes out to requestors_ _ **Ariastella/PurpleHoodedAngel/LemonSmoothie!  
**_ _Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Enemies On The Other Side** _  
_ **(Sung to the tune of "Friends On The Other Side"**  
 **from Disney's _The Princess and the Frog)_**

 _[Being the bubbly, energetic girl that she is, Trucy doesn't hesitate to follow Roger Retinz into his office that seems more like a shrine to himself- what with all the awards and pictures of himself scattered around - as Phoenix cautiously follows from behind.]_

 ** _["…So as I was saying, Ms. Wright,"_** _Retinz coolly responds,_ **_"While magic isn't my cup of tea, I can tell that you're no ordinary magician. I see you going places, kid, and I'm making sure that Take-2 TV's coming with you!"]_**

 ** _["Did you hear that, Daddy? Me. Retinz sees me going places!"_** _Trucy chirps with an excited toothy grin.]_

 ** _["Or he could have seen your stage name. How do I know you aren't just using my daughter to make a quick buck off her family line?"_** _Phoenix asks with cold eyes filled with caution and skepticism.]_

 _[Upon hearing this, the shifty producer growls before bursting out into song.]_

* * *

Don't you disrespect me, Mr. Wright!  
Don't be so mean and snide!  
You're in my office, sir,  
Not in yours,  
And all of my enemies are on the other side.

 _(All of his enemies are on the other side…)_

* * *

 ** _["What's with the weird echo?"_** _Phoenix nervously asks, scanning the room in search of its source.]_

 ** _["Oh, that?"_** _Retinz chuckles with a wave of his hand._ **_"Just a little bit of voodoo that's found in every Hollywood producer's office. Gotta keep up the ratings somehow, am I right?"]_**

 _[The shady producer wastes no time sitting in his posh leather chair.]_

* * *

Please take a seat before me, maybe enjoy a nice cup of tea,  
I just really don't want you, little Trucy, to flee and be an absentee.  
I can help your future, I can make it as bright as can be,  
I'll help you get the most out of life…

* * *

 ** _["Don't you want your little girl to enjoy life, Mr. Wright?"_** _Retinz sneers at Phoenix.]_

* * *

And make you feel so truly free!  
I've got flash,  
I've got trash,  
I've got stuff the FCC won't let slide!  
All to get back at my enemies on the other side.

 _(He's got enemies on the other side…)_

* * *

My intuition, it's great, really is, will reveal,  
If this deal's good, smart, and really swell.  
My intuition, my sixth sense, just let it work,  
So we can see each and every little perk.

* * *

Now you, young lass, your childhood was quite the eventful time,  
You descend from magicians of the utmost pedigree and sublime.

* * *

 ** _["Though their personalities are a whole 'nother story."_** Retinz growls under his breath.]

* * *

Your new life's all good,  
But your hopes are so high,  
So you need someone big to help your career fly.

* * *

 ** _["Is this true, Ms. Wright?"_** _Retinz warmly asks._ **_"You wanna be a big-time magician like your grandfather and  
biological dad before you?"]_**

 ** _["Yeah!"_** _Trucy chirps._ **_"I want the world to once again enjoy the wonders of Gramarye magic!"]  
_**

 ** _["Of course you do, kid."_** _Retinz responds by patting the young magician's shoulder._ **_"But in order for that to happen,  
you need a producer to get you on television."]  
_**

* * *

It's the backing, it's the backing, it's the backing you need,  
But if you work with me,  
You'll be a big star, that's what I see!

* * *

Now Mr. Wright, don't think I forgot about you,  
You've helped people in court for many a day,  
You've helped your friend and your assistant and even your rival,  
And when you helped Zak Gramarye,  
All he did was run away.  
But if you trust that this is no scam,  
You'll have a little girl as happy as a clam.

* * *

 ** _["So how about it, Ms. Wright? Will you let me make your dreams a reality?"_** _Retinz innocently asks as he places a  
green clipboard with a sheet of paper on it and slides it towards Trucy. However, before she can grab it,  
he quickly picks it up and reads the paper.]_

 ** _["Wait, what's this about a prank? What are you planning on doing to my baby girl?!"_** _Phoenix growls.]_

 ** _["Whoa, whoa! Hold your horses, big guy."_** _Retinz grins with his hands raised._ " ** _It's all in good fun. You see, I plan on getting a few  
other magicians to help out with their own unique talents, and to make things a bit more interesting, there'll be a  
viewer's poll to decide which one's the best, with the last-place performer getting pranked- pie in the face,  
bucket of water placed above their dressing room door, you know, kids' stuff."]_**

 ** _["Alright…"_** Phoenix sighs, reluctantly handing the clipboard to his excited daughter. " ** _But if you make a mockery out of Trucy on  
national television, I'm suing you for defamation of character! And don't think I won't - I'm  
friends with the Chief Prosecutor and an international prosecutor with a whip."]_**

 ** _["Don't worry, Mr. Wright."_** Retinz chuckles. **_"Your daughter will be treated with all the respect that she deserves, Scout's honor."]_**

 ** _["Done!"_** _Trucy chirps as she hands the clipboard back to the shady producer.]_

 ** _["Good. Now that we've got the contract squared away, I can start making the preparations on booking us a venue.  
I'll call you in a week or two with the full details. Oh, and before you leave, promise me that if any events come up  
that could compromise production- busy school load, family vacations,  
your father going out of town- let me know so we can work around them, ok?"]  
_** ** _  
["Will do, Mr. Retinz!"_** _Trucy jovially replies._ **_"Thanks for everything!"]_**

 ** _["Don't mention it, Ms. Wright…"_** _The shifty producer grins, waving as the father and daughter duo make their way towards the door.]_

 _[But the second Phoenix and Trucy leave the office, closing the door behind them; Retinz cackles as he opens up the  
back of the trick clipboard and removes the document inside that the little magician unwittingly signed.]_

 ** _["Yes…!"_** The vindictive producer cackles. **_"The time for my revenge has finally come!"]  
_**

* * *

I'm so ready!  
 _(He's so ready!)  
_ I'm so ready!  
Retribution's sublime!  
 _(Retribution's sublime!)_  
Being a jerk fulltime,  
 _(Being a jerk fulltime,)  
_ The Gramarye pastime!  
See your family name, Magnifi?  
It's dying,  
It's dying,  
It's dying, alright!  
I hope Trucy's satisfied!  
But if she's not,  
She shouldn't blame me!  
She should blame her family on the other siiiiiiiiiide!  
 _(She's famous like her family,)  
(But now she'll suffer like them, too!)_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 18**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** You don't know how many times I groaned and shook my head during my first playthrough of SOJ whenever I'd see a new Khura'inese name (I'm looking at you Ahlbi). But when I had to start coming up with several Khura'inese OCs to fulfill roles that couldn't be covered by actual characters, I was so thankful that I could just create their names by taking a phrase, rearranging the letters, and adding an apostrophe or two.

 **JP:** _Mejor tarde que nunca!_ I'd like to think Her Malevolence was executed after the final SOJ trial in the final capital punishment of the nation – along with the trigger-happy guard that pulled a gun on her sister!

Ace Attorney is all about believing in your clients therefore I need to have faith that after seeing the wonderful dynamic between JusticeCykes in Spirit of Justice, that they will not be apart much longer I would be equally happy to either have big red join Apollo overseas in Asia, with Justice-Cykes law offices (nice ring to it!) Of course this will leave Phoenix to his own devices it will if both of his assistants are gone, but this would just leave the door wide open for Maya to become his assistants again and perhaps get some sort of legal accreditation of her own? I do believe either way, that we will see Polly again, considering Nick told a certain _perra cobarde_ that it was time at the end of the last game! ( _Finally_! Am I Wright?)

 **Chapter 19**

 **JusticeForNoOne**

 **JP:** in response to your wonderful personalized review that you sent me, I _was_ thinking about the way I utilized the song _You'll Be In My Heart_ for Pearl and Phoenix in TE, and it was very challenging for me to come up with something justice touching for Nick and his other daughter (headcanon: Pearl was the reason Phoenix adopted Trucy, because she prepared him for what fatherly love and life would be like) but I'm delighted you think I achieved that goal! How wonderful that the soundtrack done by my all-time favourite singer was your very first movie on the silver screen that you saw, and I am so touched to hear that I brought back some happy childhood memories for you! _Muchas gracias!_  
Also, if you are Phil Collins fan he also sang the music for _Brother Bear_. :-)

 _Como siempre querido lector, el gusto es mio._

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Baby Trucy was too precious for words!I wonder if they sell magical boxers rather than panties on the off chance your baby brother wants to follow in the little magician's footsteps in the case of life imitating art… :p

 **CT:** So, how skilled with magic is your little brother?

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Thank you, both for your kind words (who doesn't love some fluffy DILF – er, _Daddy_! – and daughter dynamic?) and moreover, thanks so much in advance for your patience! _The Lion King_ is actually my hands-down favorite Disney movie, and after wracking my brain, I've come up with a way to actually incorporate the timeless songs from that Disney gem with your requests! Stay tuned! :-)

 **CT:** Thank you for being so understanding. It may take us some time, but we try our best to give every suggestion we receive the proper consideration that they deserve.

 **Sebastian0001**

 **JP:** Thank you! I agree this is definitely the most iconic parent/child Disney song out there, and I certainly wish there was more of them, although of course, my favourite singer has set the bar very high with this underrated gem! It's good to know the unlike her father, sperm donor, _Trucy_ keeps her promises and took very good care of Nick over the years, just like she told him she would when he first said he would adopt her! :-)

P. copilot's hilarious envisioning of Trucy swapping her magician's hat for a pimp Fedora to complete the whole _sugar mommy_ joke has me now wondering if I can somehow work that into a drabble or into one fanfictions ions! XD  
 **  
CT:** I know! It's always so cute when Trucy talks about helping Phoenix bring in an income with that smile of hers and those big eyes- especially when she told Apollo, "After Daddy quit law seven years ago... I promised I would keep him fed! So I'm kind of his sugar daddy!" When I heard that line, I couldn't help picturing Trucy dressed as a pimp- complete with a pimp cane- throwing a wad of money at Phoenix and telling him to buy something pretty.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Maybe the very hungry crocodile from _Peter Pan_ , after he was done having Captain Hook for dinner, swam his way to Asia to become the cherished pet of the guttersnipe that was the bloodthirsty spider! I love the idea of Queen Amara's pet tiger not even bothering to sully his innards with anything even remotely associated with that poisonous, putrid wannabe royal, and rather than eating her or tainting his paws trying to off Her Malevolence's man-eating pet, mid-fight, would pull her down into the water, forcibly shove her into the mandibles of the wicked water reptilian, and then watch him get fatal internal piercings due by her sharp Spidey spikes/nails! Bwahahaha!

Seriously whenever I look at my fuzzy toe socks now I think of you milady. I didn't think it was possible to make the ultimate Disney song about parental love (which was actually and fittingly that of an adopted mother/son) even _more_ fluffy but I am so delighted you liked what I did with your request!  
 **  
CT:** I can picture Amara and Ga'ran as children, with the former being this Snow White-esque princess who sang songs surrounded by her animal friends, while the latter would spend her days brooding under the shadow of a tree, planning her uprising while every living thing avoided her like the plague. So if Ga'ran ever got a pet in her adult years, even a vicious predator like a crocodile, it would spend the majority of its days hiding and cowering with Inga in his private quarters.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Yeah, Ga'ran is a guttersnipe alright, although sewer rat would also suit her just fine, considering the woman was a plague to her nation and possibly was responsible for more deaths than the disease itself!

I love the idea further fueling your squishy soft center, bud! :-)

Yes, Nick _is_ Trucy's real Daddy, and Zak was merely her sperm donor, and at this point in the AA timeline, Nick's also been her father longer (9 years!) than that _hijo de puta_ was! (Swearing sounds so much prettier in Spanish!) XD

High praise indeed, referring to Phoenix and Trucy as the best video game father and daughter, considering I know how much you love _Fire Emblem_ (Chrom/Lucina) so thank you very much for that!

 **CT:** Phoenix and Trucy are one of the most touching families in the series because not only do they have a very loving relationship but also because they truly need each other. It's like how in "Apollo Justice" Phoenix stated, "It's a symbiotic relationship. When one of us falls, the other, too, must fall…" Phoenix and Trucy's relationship is mutualism at its finest- Phoenix played the role of a father by guiding Trucy through life and giving her a safe home with food on the table and a bed to sleep in; while Trucy, with her undying optimism and energy, gave Phoenix the strength to go on after losing his badge. Phoenix and Trucy's family has this "us vs. the world" vibe that's just so touching.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I don't know if I want to touch _Spirit of Justice_ in any of my works, because I don't think I have the ability to get the character dynamic or even the "different" names… as flawlessly as my copilot has managed to – they've really taken punniness us to a whole new world level!

 _PLvsPw…_ I'm really happy you're playing and enjoying the game, it's visually quite stunning, even though I am not a big fan of Darklaw (I don't know if you've got to the point to see what she did to my gorgeous redheaded night, who after Phoenix, is my secondary crush in the whole series!) and I am curious what you think of the ending! Make sure you play the bonus scenes/puzzles, someone special makes a cameo! ;)

I believe you're the second or third reader to say as much this chapter alone therefore… It has been hereby decreed: Nick _is_ Trucy's father – no "adopted" caveat required, as he's been her father even longer than that douche canoe/oily shyster, Zak! To be honest, while murder is never legally (though at times morally) justifiable, I share my copilot's sentiments about how the creepy German sausage did the world a favor by getting rid of him… Of course I felt the same way about the fate that befell the peace of human excrement that was Vera's father as well, but I digress… (Vera though, was an exploited innocent though – glad she was OK!)

So glad you liked my fluffy filial song-fic!

 **CT:** To avoid spoilers, I'll just let you know that the Storyteller is more closely related to that case than you may think… in more ways than one.

When it comes to Trucy's family, I will always believe that Phoenix is her only father. Zak was never fit to be a parent if he thought for even a moment that it was alright to just abandon his daughter, let alone have her help him with his plan and leave her with no one to take care of her. And what does Zak "the Jerk" Gramarye do to repay the man who gave his daughter a healthy, loving home? Why, the only reasonable thing: come back from out of nowhere and try to ruin Phoenix's poker career- the primary form of income that is used to take care of Trucy- just because he lost a single game that he insisted on, and then proceed to assault his accomplice when the plan goes south. Kristoph may have been a psycho, but I think that we can say that he was no villain for killing Zak.


	21. Forever Thee

_JP: Mi hermana dulce **Ilet Moratar** helped me out with some of the Spanish, as I'm only conversational not fluent, so I hope my attempts to translate my own parody lyrics transitions OK, and moreover, I tried my best to do this gorgeous Oscar-winning lullaby justice! This request goes out to two of my favorite readers, __**JoeClone**_ _and_ _ **InjusticeForAll**_ _… and all Miego fans everywhere!  
_

 _CT: I'm... I'm not crying! It's eye sweat, very manly eye sweat! If writing songs based on ships was an Olympic sport, my brilliant co-writer would be earning gold medals and world records left and right. Why must you make me feel, JP? Why?_

* * *

 **"Forever Thee** **"  
(Sung to the tune of "Remember Me" from  
Disney's** _ **Coco**_ **by Godot at the grave of  
his beloved kitten, Mia Fey)  
**

 **[Verse 1: Godot]**

Forever thee, why'd you have to go and die  
Forever thee, my love they can't deny  
From the moment that I met you, I loved you from the start  
No one shall ever take your place, inside my mind or heart  
Forever thee, though above you're now a star  
Forever thee, within my soul I now bare scars  
Know that you're with me the only way that you can be  
Until I can hold you again, forever thee

* * *

 _ **[Break: Mia Fey & Godot]**_

 _Mi corazón no dejará de latir para ti_ _  
_ _Sin tu amor no puedo existir  
Siempre Contigo  
_ _Que nuestra canción no deje de latir  
_ _Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir_

My heart won't stop beating for you  
Without your love I cannot exist  
Forever thee  
My heart won't stop beating for you  
Without your love I cannot exist

* * *

 _[Verse 2: Mia Fey]_

 _Siempre Contigo, mi amor por ti sigue vivo_ _ **  
**_ _Siempre Contigo, mi espíritu está siempre a tu lado_ _  
_ _Te llevo en mi corazón y te acompañaré_ _  
_ _Donde sea que vayas , contigo allí siempre estaré_

 _Siempre Contigo, mi corazón siempre serás dueño  
Siempre Contigo_ _,_ _nunca sientas que estás solo  
_ _Aún en la distancia nunca vayas a olvidar me  
_ _Que yo contigo siempre voy, siempre contigo_

Forever thee, my love for you is still alive  
Forever thee, my spirit's always by your side  
I carry you within my heart and I'll accompany thee

Wherever you may go to, with you there I'll always be  
Forever thee, my heart you'll always own  
Forever thee, never feel that you're alone  
Never in the distance will you ever forget me  
That I always go with you, forever thee

* * *

 **[Bridge: Godot]**

Deep within my heart forever you will stay  
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away  
Deep within my heart forever you will stay  
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away  
Deep within my heart forever you will stay  
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away

* * *

 **[Verse 3: Godot]**

Forever thee, for even though you're gone  
Forever thee, there'll be a day I'll come along  
And know that you're with me the only way that you can be  
Until I can hold you again, forever thee

* * *

 _ **[Outro: Mia Fey and Godot]**_

 _Mi corazón no dejará de latir para ti_ _  
_ _Sin tu amor no puedo existir  
Siempre Contigo_

 _Que nuestra canción no deje de latir  
_ _Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir  
_ _Siempre Contigo_

My heart won't stop beating for you  
Without your love I cannot exist  
Forever thee

My heart won't stop beating for you  
Without your love I cannot exist  
Forever thee

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 20**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Yes, since Trucy is a minor, she'd need to have Phoenix present in order to make things official. Plus, since Phoenix is a lawyer, that would essentially be killing two birds with one stone. Though I also included Phoenix to be the parody's version of Lawrence to help things flow more smoothly.

 **JP:** I don't know what the legal age for signing contracts is in Japan, but in the localization version, with her being under 18, that should have made the whole contract stipulation null and void right out of the gate! Nothing wrong with hearing anything by the Godfather of Soul! Hmmm… would that make his musical unmentionables be his "Downtown (James Brown) Drawers then? :p

I hope you enjoyed my attempted homage to your request! (and I hope you post yours sometime!)

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** I could just imagine Retinz being locked in an interrogation room with no way out before Phoenix and Franziska start attacking him with a bottle of grape juice and a whip respectively while Edgeworth lords over the former magician/producer and gives him the verbal lashing of a lifetime. Taka has quite the melodious voice, so it's a possibility.

 **JP:** I read a funny AU one-shot or Phoenix magically managed to come back from Asian for the trial and punched Retinz – POW! Right in the kisser! That sounds like a very accurate speculation of what protective DILF daddy would do if somebody were to mess with his baby girl!, Also I'd like to think the years would have mellowed Franziska by this point, allowing her to get whip happy and be at Edgeworth's side for the legal smackdown! The idea of all the animals getting together having a sing-along would be hilariously adorable let me know if you can think of any suggestions because I'm drawing a blank but I would try to give it a go! :-)

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Glad to see that you're enjoying my cowriter's signature brand of D.I.L.F./daughter fluff. When she takes the reigns for these kinds of scenarios, I never doubt for an instant that it'll be anything less than enjoyable. Regarding your request, we'll see what we can do.

 **JP:** I must be psychic since I preemptively fulfilled your father/daughter request in chapter 19 with my parody featuring Phoenix and Trucy from the Disney movie _Tarzan_! Hope you shared my kind co-pilot's enjoyment of it! _Gern geschehen!_

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Funny you should mention Edgeworth, because he does actually appear in a DLC chapter- Special Episode 11: "Fire Festival", to be specific- in which they waste no time in showing how he and Layton get along swimmingly. Granted, the chapter takes place after the events of the game, so there are no witch hunts, mind control, etc. Not to mention, Edgeworth came to Labyrinthia willingly after winning a trip there via the Labrelum Inc. Drugs and Flames competition by having Gumshoe, and I quote, "crack open millions of pills with his teeth to get the lucky one." So when people say that Edgeworth doesn't take advantage of poor Gumshoe, I bring up this example; along with a dialogue from "Investigations 2" where Gumshoe recalls an incident in an optional side conversation where Edgeworth's car got stuck in some mud, so he- being the loyal subordinate that he is- pushed it back onto the road, only for the prosecutor to drive off, leaving Gumshoe behind until he returned 20 minutes later.

Though if Edgeworth and Kay were trapped in Labyrinthia like Phoenix and Maya had, Kay would be probably be arrested for witchcraft within seconds of entering the city and he'd have to defend her. That, or Edgeworth and Kay would be chased around town for hours on end by an angry mob after the former outright slams the Storyteller by questioning his authority.

As for Retinz, I imagine that he'd be the kind of guy who would make a lot of friends very fast in prison, especially with a certain former attorney who was also screwed over by the Gramaryes.

 **JP:** Edgey has come a long way since the original trilogy… I need to believe he is no longer this much of a douche canoe toward his long-suffering subordinate! That being said, considering how the crazy cat lady treated my favourite hunky knight, plus with her being in insufferable wench overall, I'm not the hugest fan of those two as a couple of Zach can do better! Also, I thought the ending was absolutely ridiculous it's not like there hasn't been supernatural elements in Layton games what with the Azran Legacy and the whole time traveling business with the doomed Claire! I wish they had left it at magic… The ending ruined the game for me but I digress! My favourite headcanon about the rancid Ratings Rajah is that he was forced to watch Trucy's magic show on an endless loop in prison to the point where it drove them to insanity! XD

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** When I was first planning this parody, the Feys were one of my first considerations, but I decided against them after realizing that the ones we know of in canon are too nice, too formal, and/or too disinterested in their family's connection with the other side to pull off a song like this.

When I was first playing "Magical Turnabout" and I saw Trucy crying, I- no joke- yelled "Making Trucy cry? That is a sin! A million years of prison for the monster who did this!" Though that anger was quickly balanced out when my hopes were confirmed and it was revealed that Retinz was also Mr. Reus, giving us this goldmine of a villain- a man who's this seedy producer who will sell his soul, and that of everyone else, for the sake of ratings, as well as this embittered magician who has such an intense hatred for the Gramaryes.

 **JP:** Seeing Trucy crying was like seeing dark clouds cover the sun! Absolutely gut-wrenching… I was like thanks a lot Crapcom, I didn't need my heart anyway! Personally, I love the golden age of jazz and all the music of that era so I think you might actually enjoy the Princess and the Frog in all its musical glory it makes me want to go to New Orleans! Also considering I head canon protective Uncle Miles as Trucy's protector as well as Nick, I'd like to think the book was thrown at Retinz, and that his execution was as "unpleasant" a Dahlia's! (Is it to grisly to say the saw in half trick was hopefully real as a means of doing so?)

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** Tell me about it. After all of the songs I've had to listen to for these parodies, whenever I boot up YouTube, the front page looks like something out of a Disney soundtrack cd. But if it helps me and JP to create parodies that you and other readers enjoy, it's something I'm more than willing to do.

Now that you've suggested it, we'll definitely consider writing a parody for "One Last Hope". And after listening to the song, I've got a few ideas about how to do it.

 **JP:** First of all I don't believe we've had the pleasure of hearing from you before, so thank you very much for reading and dropping us a line, dear reader! Also, your English is actually better than you give yourself credit for since I understood you perfectly so kudos to you for not relying on a translator and I wish you all the best in practicing… I can already tell you your _ingles_ is better than my _espagnol!_

Second of all, I had no idea _Hercules_ was such a popular movie as we have had quite a few wishes of songs from that underrated film, and I would be happy to take a stab at your request, as I've had a very good idea presented to me by my creative copilot! :-)

 **InjusticeForAll**  
 **  
CT:** Knowing Edgeworth, he's going to have it where every prodigy prosecutor at his disposal- Franziska, Sebastian, Klavier, and Simon- will be prosecuting Retinz trial and unleash their combined wrath on him. Then, after Retinz has been brutally whipped, clawed by Taka, and convicted, Simon's going to use some of his prison connections to ensure that Retinz receives a special welcome from his fellow inmates.

 **JP:** Pretty much everybody loves Trucy, I love the idea of the prosecutor's office forming a banded coalition of indignation on behalf of the sunny magician and opening up a can of whoop-ass on his pansy ass! (All this wicked revenge because he got a little boo-boo on his arm!). Simon will have no qualms about unleashing his blade and I love the idea of Klavier telling him off in song after Franziska and Miles are done with them - I am torn between sawing him in half as a poetic justice execution, or the dreadful chained underwater tank gone wrong as his final fate! Bwahahaha! It's funny you mentioned baritones and altos… I always thought the voice Ursula the sea witch could have easily been played by a man because of how deep her voice was! I hope you enjoyed your request, dear reader!


	22. The Von Karma Family

_CT: A big shout-out to Yanmegaman for submitting the idea for this parody! It was such a blast to write given the... unusual family dynamic that the von Karmas, and Edgeworth, have going on. Not to mention, given Manfred's outfit and resemblance to Dracula, he'd be right at home with the Addams family._

 _JP: This one might seem kind of weird because we are briefly veering away from Disney and going a little bit dark and twisted, but you can't get any more dark and twisted – while still being delightfully ghoulish! – than The Addams Family (and their iconic theme song) can you? I'm glad this was left in my funny friend's hands since given my 5-year-old sense of humor, I'd have come up with something even more god-awful (and noxious!) than:_

 ** _The Addams family started  
When Uncle Fester farted  
He farted through the keyhole  
And paralyzed the cat…_** ** _._**

 _*Ahem* Anywhore… on with the show…_

* * *

 **"The Von Karma Family"  
** **(Sung to the snapping tune of  
** ** _The Addams Family_** **  
theme song)**

 _[Why Blaise Debeste and Damon Gant had to organize a mandatory joint karaoke night for the Prosecutor's Office and Police Department was beyond Manfred. Though knowing his friends, they put together this whole event just to spite him- just like that unholy 'vacation' back in 2008. It was bad enough that Manfred had to deal with these inferior detectives and prosecutors during working hours, but now he had to deal with them and their grating caterwauling.]_

 _[However, the crème de la crème of the awfulness that was this evening was when Badd sauntered up onstage and requested to sing the theme song for "The Addams Family." But instead of singing the beloved television tune, the seasoned detective started singing his own lyrics.]_

* * *

They're wicked and they're rigid,  
Antisocial with hearts so frigid,  
Their mission's all kinds of twisted,  
The von Karma family.

* * *

In the courtroom, they show their passion,  
With their outdated sense of fashion,  
They know nothing of compassion,  
The von Karma family.

* * *

Perfect.  
Strict.  
Convict.

* * *

So get a pressed cravat on,  
And pray you don't get spat on,  
'Cause we're gonna work on a case with,  
The von Karma family!

* * *

 ** _["He got you good, Manny!"_** _Gant chuckled as he clapped his hands, earning only a growl and a death glare from the 'perfect' prosecutor sitting next to him.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 19**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** The same girl that keeps a smile on her face even when charged with murder and has pulled a whole tire out of her magical panties is boundless with her capabilities! I wish I could actually do a Jamaican accent so I could dub this song, unfortunately it always comes out sounding like I'm trying to be a Southerner! LOL

 **CT:** The most magical part about Trucy is how so much optimism and energy fit in such a small adolescent girl. Phoenix and Trucy were both very lucky to become a family when they did.

 **Chapter 21**

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Thank you for the kind words! Miego, the gorgeous doomsday couple as Shakespeare-worthy with their level of tragedy, but I'd like to think their romance is just as epic, and just as eternal as _Romeo and Juliet's_! _Coco_ is literally my second favorite Disney movie after _The Lion King_ and a definite must-see, it gives a wonderful glimpse into colorful Mexican culture and wonderful family values, just make sure you have a box of tissues handy! :)

 **CT:** Diego and Mia are the Romeo and Juliet of the "Ace Attorney" series- two star-crossed lovers so devoted to each other, yet had to suffer the agony and pain of having to mourn each other's deaths.

 **Sebastian0001**

 **JP:** You're singing the same song, _literally,_ as Diego was… _Why_ did she have to go and die? The heart wrenching song is from the even more gorgeous movie which chose to make the main character be Hispanic therefore I felt it would be a disservice to try to use any other language, since I believe it's most beautiful lingo on earth (even if I'm not perfectly fluent!) So I tried to pay it homage. Plus, the most pulchritudinous canon pairing in Ace Attorney… Where the guy also happened to be a Rico Sauvé Latino? The song practically wrote itself! :p

Thank you so much, darling girl!

 **CT:** Mia can't help it if Redd White decided to do to her what he did to the English language on a daily basis. Too bad Diego was in a coma at the time; otherwise, Redd would have gotten a face full of coffee and pain.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I remember the wonderful moment in the first game when Phoenix actually did hear Mia's voice, even though Maya was unable to channel her at the time, and thinking to myself that he must have some sort of latent mystical untapped, unheard of psychic gene that would allow him to have this ability. I need to believe that as Mia's soulmate, Diego standing at her gravesite would be able to hear her singing back and actually feel her presence as well however briefly. I'm very lucky to have great friends who help me muddle my way through my subpar Spanish, and even more fortunate to have amazing readers like you to feed my soul with their kind words. I'm so happy that the poignant message that true love never dies didn't get lost in translation! Thanks so much, bud! :)

 **CT:** Given the nature of Misty's murder- in that Godot was not killing her, but the channeled spirit of a serial killer, in addition to the fact that he only did it to protect Maya- I believe that Edgeworth pulled a few strings to have it where Godot rights his wrongs by working as a prosecutor- while on parole, of course. That way, Godot can not only put his skills as an attorney to good use, but also give himself closure by ensuring that criminals like Dahlia and Redd can't escape from justice.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _Lo siento_ if I made your visor short-circuit, _mi amigo fiel._ Diego Armando and Mia Fey's love story, although tragic, is epic, and deserves to have proper homage, and I'm very happy you thought I did it justice. _Gracias_ for taking the time for dropping me a line, but most of all, _recuerda esto:_ _por siempre mi abogado defensor Señor Java… tienes mi amistad para siempre._

 _Muchos abrazos._

 **CT:** Even though JP's touching lyrics are capable of making one cry for hours on end, I don't have any doubt that you'll be able to hold back your tears until after the credits roll. After all, the only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over.

 **JoeClone**

 **JP:** I speak decent enough Spanish to be understood whenever I go traveling but certainly nowhere near fluent so no judgment here about you sticking with English it certainly doesn't make the song any less heartbreaking and beautiful! Also mad props for your musical taste and selecting that literally the only Justin Bieber song that I can tolerate with Despacito! (Spanish is such a gorgeous language it can even make tolerable tunage from one of Canada's biggest embarrassments in the entertainment industry!)

I have always thought of Mia as the most beloved of mentors for Phoenix because of my understanding with the way the Japanese Revere their mentors it is a respect almost on par with a parent or Guardian figure I don't think it would have been a stretch at all if you wanted to choose him as the third person but loved her with all his heart and would have been devastated by the loss of her. :)

Also de nada for the song amigo! Delighted you liked it!

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. My own knowledge of Spanish doesn't extend past saying "hello", "please", "thank you", "goodbye", and counting to five.

Considering that Phoenix has been utilizing and teaching Mia's methods throughout his career as a lawyer, as well as the facts that he called her "Chief" and has been keeping Charley happy and healthy, his bond with her was on about the same level as Maya and Diego's. Though speaking of Phoenix's relationship with his late mentor, I believe that it was very similar to that of Gregory and Ray, with Phoenix observing and assisting Mia during her cases without actually taking on any of his own. This is probably because Phoenix interned with Mia while he was still in college, in which she took a very active approach in morphing him into the semi-competent man that we know today. Heck, maybe Phoenix is so obsessed with cleaning the toilets because Mia would make him clean them to show him that girls do indeed poop.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I am so happy people liked this song I was kind of worried it would be too depressing for readers! But Miego was a true love story and even though they weren't married they did have the whole till death do you part thing… That being said I don't know if I can watch _Coco_ again because I wept enough tears to possibly fill a backyard swimming pool first time around… Even though it's my second favorite Disney movie only after _The Lion King!_

I did not know either one of those songs even though I'm obsessed with Phil Collins as I still have not seen _Brother Bear,_ but now I'm going to, because the song is just _glorious_ …though I will _not_ watch _Lady and the Tramp 2_ because Scamp reminds me too much of Wocky Kitaki in canine form (plus I reflexively shy away from all Disney sequels which have historically never matched the original perhaps with the exception of _Toy Story 2_?) But the song was absolutely adorable some going to see what I can do with those requests :-)

 **CT:** Mia and Diego were such a great couple because they complimented each other so well- Diego was able to balance out Mia's high-strung, ambitious nature and cripplingly high expectations for herself with his patience and sense of humor; while Mia was able to use her more empathetic nature to help Diego focus less on his own reputation, and more on helping others. It's a real shame that we never got to see more interactions between them.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** I have never had any objections to engaging readers who leave lengthy reviews in fact I love it... Which is why my word count in reader replies in turnabout Everlasting often is long enough to be its own chapter...I'm unapologetically guilty of being a chatterbox, and I just really, really love my readers! :)

Let me know what you think of the DLC case for the crossover which is what I believe you're referring to. And nobody thinks you're a sociopath! I don't even know if I'm big on capital punishment in real life but considering how despicable these Ace Attorney villains are to characters that are so loved, I think it's only human nature to be passionate enough to wish a violent despicable plague upon their houses in retribution!

I am very wasteful and telling you that I was in the middle of creating a story with Jove's Boy as my partner called The Man Behind the Mask which was supposed to be a story featuring exactly what you wrote exploring the backstory of Diego Armando and his beautiful but doomed relationship with Mia Fey... But alas, not all my writing partners will be as timely and diligent as my current one for these wonderful songs, and as JB works a demanding career full time, yet in the story is next up to bat, I'm not sure when that story is going to be updated again! BUT... the first two chapters are up if you're interested in checking it out... Perhaps a new comment will light a fire under him and prompt him to want to pick up the pen again soon?

 **CT:** While Edgeworth may not show it- and actually may appear to feel the exact opposite- he does show a great deal of respect towards Gumshoe. For even though Gumshoe has overlooked many key details on countless cases, Edgeworth has never once threatened to take away his job, unlike his 'big' sister. Not to mention, in an optional dialogue in "Bridge to the Turnabout", Edgeworth tells Phoenix of how he took Gumshoe out for spaghetti with parmesan cheese, which made the scruffy detective cry tears of joy. As for Gumshoe, he knows that Edgeworth is like a piece of fancy chocolate- hard and bumpy on the outside, yet gooey and sweet on the inside- so he understands that his boss is not the best at expressing his feelings and has learned to pick up on the subtle cues of praise he's given. Not to mention, Edgeworth is no Manfred or Franziska von Karma in that he actually trusts the detectives that he works with and respects their opinions, even if they clash with his own.

Dropping Retinz into a pit of fire- while a desirable-sounding punishment- isn't the best idea. Y'see, not only is it too quick, but fire's practically the guy's best friend considering that it, along with coins, are among his magical specialty. No, a better punishment would be to give Retinz a typical life sentence while forcing him to watch video tapes of Trucy's latest performances. That way, he's not only constantly reminded of his failure to destroy the Gramarye name, but he'll suffer seeing how the young girl that he thought so little of was able to move past the trauma that he had inflicted on her and become a better magician than he'll ever be.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** _Whoop! ¡Este es el sonido feliz de un escritor cuyo lector disfrutó de su dedicación!_ :)

 _Mi hermana dulce_ is my go-to for almost all my Spanish words in my works whenever Google translate fails, and in this case, I am delighted that you enjoyed my tribute to the most heartbreakingly beautiful, yet doomed canon couple in the series, Miego. The everlasting love between them even after death was exactly the bittersweet message I wished to portray, and I am so happy that was what came across, even with the gorgeous Spanish language not being _mi primer idioma!_ I have a headcanon that Mia being the overall brilliant Renaissance woman that she was, during her time with sexy Latino Diego Armando would've picked up on his native language which he would've used to initially woo her, so she was fluent in the language as well plus it came in handy what with California being so close to Mexico and the second language of the United States anyway! I'd like to think he got out of prison after serving a brief sentence since it was mostly in self-defence that he committed his crime against my his mother, toured the world including South America where he is initially from, in form of the perfect coffee bean, and then collapsed at his kitten's grave after his journey was complete and is now happily reunited with her in heaven!

(I also have a headcanon that being the genius that he is that Miles speaks fluent German as well as Spanish too!)

I actually know the scene you are speaking of with the English Portuguese proposal, because _Love Actually_ is one of the few love stories that I adore and have seen, because despite being a diehard romantic, I prefer to read the stories (and write them!) and listen to the music rather than watch some of the overly saccharine contrived and predictably formulated drivel Hollywood churns out nowadays (meaning I shun anything ever starring Katherine Heigel!) Unless were talking totally epic such as the aforementioned film, or something like _The Notebook_!

You make me grin like an idiot to hear that you literally sing me and my talented copilot's works out loud, and even amongst friends! You should start your own local Ace Attorney glee club! XD

(Also I have a head canon that you would beautiful singing voice!)

 _Muchas gracias, querido lector. Siempre un placer! :)_

 **CT:** Out of the six happy, healthy couples established in "Ace Attorney" canon- Diego and Mia, Ron and Desiree DeLite, Jack Cameron and Jill Crane, Marlon Rimes and Azura Summers, Pierce Nichody and Selena Sprocket, and Sorin and Ellen Sprocket- I would have to say that Diego and Mia's take the cake in terms of hardship. Sure, every couple listed has had their own unique set of hurdles over the course of the series, but Mia and Diego's is the most tragic in that both of them had to mourn the others death, in addition to the latter having to bear the guilt of being unable to save his beloved kitten in any way, shape or form.

Even though Diego may want to be reunited with Mia with all of his heart, he probably knows that deep down, she would want him live life to right the wrongs that his actions have wrought; which, as you know from my headcanon, Diego is able to do by continuing to work as a prosecutor due to the very absurd and ambiguous nature of his crime coupled with his genuine feelings of remorse.

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **JP:** Your opinion has been duly noted. Getting rhythm and phrasing is difficult even in my native tongue, never mind in a foreign language, which is why I never call out non-native English speakers on their writing errors. Nonetheless, I found "Siempre Contigo" to be the best Spanish phrase that fit both the song and the pairing for the message of sempiternal love, but _perdóname_ any discrepancies, _por favor_. _Tal vez todavía pueda obtener una "A" por esfuerzo?_

 **CT:** Thank you for your input. We'll keep it in mind the next time we use Spanish lyrics.  
With how much Diego loves coffee, I wouldn't be surprised if his parents were Colombian immigrants who had him after making a new life for themselves in L.A. by starting a cafe serving their native country's famous coffee.


	23. Objection, Your Honor!

_JP: It was my pleasure to Wright my two favorite Ace hunks (and a usually forgotten third musketeer – OT3?) a parody from my all-time fave Disney movie! This request is for_ _ **RavenPuffPrefect1296**_ _and all Wrightworth lovers (whether a bromance or romance) out there! Hope you likey! :)_

 _CT: I swear, this project has felt like one big rollercoaster with how I take you to new lows with my typically darker material, while JP helps you touch the fluffy clouds with her usually lighthearted songs that make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. And I can say with absolute certainty that this song written by my brilliant, warmhearted cowriter is no different after reading the lyrics with a big grin on my face the entire time. The thought of young Phoenix and Edgeworth trying to pour the water of knowledge into the leaky jar of intellect that is Larry just fills me with so much glee._

* * *

" **Objection, Your Honor!"  
** **(Sung to the tune of "Hakuna Matanta" from  
Disney's** _ **The Lion King)**_

 _[As 4_ _th_ _graders, it's recess time and Miles is excitedly rambling on about having just seen Gregory Edgeworth in action at the courthouse yesterday, much to his friends' visible disinterest because they're_ _ **9**_ _– what do they care about courtrooms?]_

 _[Little Miles gets all huffy and insists that seeing Daddy in action was The. Coolest. Thing. EVER and how when he's all grown up, he's gonna be a defense attorney just like him – and then_ _ **he**_ _will also get the joy of pointing his finger and loudly shouting:_ _ **"Objection, Your Honor!"]**_

* * *

[PHOENIX]

Objection, Your Honor!  
Such a _commanding_ phrase!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]

Objection, Your Honor!  
 _*stretches out his index and glares*  
_ With a steely gaze!

* * *

[PHOENIX]

It means _"Oh heck no!"  
_ To the DA's whole case!

* * *

[PHOENIX AND EDGEWORTH]

It's the lawfully philosophy  
Objection, Your Honor!

* * *

[PHOENIX]

Objection, Your Honor!

* * *

[LARRY]

 _*confused*_  
Objection, Your Honor?

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*boasting*  
_ Indeed. To be _my_ axiom!

[LARRY]  
 _*scratches his head*  
_ AXE-IM?

[PHOENIX]  
 _*joking tone as he smirks at Edgeworth*  
_ AXE him?! _Tempting_ , but it's still murder!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]

 _*glares at Phoenix then turns back to Larry*_  
This war cry means I demand justice!

* * *

[PHOENIX]  
That's right. Take Edgeworth here…  
 _*sings*  
_ Even though he's a Poindexter…

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*scowls_ *  
A very _proud_ Poindexterrrrrr!

* * *

[PHOENIX]  
*snickers*  
We _know_!

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*harrumphs*  
_ Much obliged

* * *

[PHOENIX]

He found that the law held his ardor and zeal  
Wanted to defend just like Daddy, Courtroom Man of Steel!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]

Yes I'm studious, but for me law's no bore  
Yet when I speak of it, my friends start to _snore_!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*grits his teeth as Phoenix and Larry make mock snoring sounds*  
_ _Thisclose_ to profanity!

[PHOENIX]  
 _*dramatically puts back of hand to his forehead*  
_ Oh, the humanity!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]  
So much inanity!

[PHOENIX]  
We're bored to insanity!

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]  
Tried to be unaffected

[PHOENIX]  
D'Aw! Didja feel rejected?

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*downcast*  
_ I'd get so dejected…

[PHOENIX]  
 _*puts a comforting arm around Edgeworth's shoulders*  
_ Sorry, Edgy! You'll be more respected!

[EDGEWORTH]  
 _*mumbles*  
_ Thank you

* * *

[PHOENIX AND EDGEWORTH]

Objection, Your Honor!  
Such a commanding phrase  
Objection, Your Honor!  
With a steely gaze!

* * *

[LARRY]

It means _"Oh heck no!"_

To the DA's whole case!

* * *

[ALL]

It's the lawfully philosophy

Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection –

* * *

 _[Scene fades, until we're now in present day, with the three old friends drunkenly singing in a bar, with Larry sandwiched between legal legends Phoenix Wright and his courtroom rival, Miles Edgeworth, an arm slung around each of their shoulders]_

* * *

[OLDER LARRY]

It means _"Oh hell no!"  
_ To _defense's_ whole case!

* * *

[ALL]

It's the lawfully philosophy  
Objection, Your Honor!

[repeat]

* * *

[EDGEWORTH]

* _points his index at the Ace Defense Attorney with a smug grin*  
_ I say, "Objection!"

[PHOENIX]  
 _*points back at the Chief Prosecutor and winks back*  
_ I say, "Your Honor!"

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 21**

 **Ilet Moratar**

 **JP:** _Mi abogado defensor original, pero primero y siempre mi hermana dulce, gracias, por ser ambos. XO._

I _could_ be offended that you cried more for _Coco_ then you did for me _both_ times of the departure gate, but unless you're an emotionally constipated android like Miles Edgeworth, you really _should_ at least have misty eyes for that heartwarming movie! :p

Seriously I was born the wrong race… I am so grateful to have friends like you to assist with the lingo, and am also so enamored with everything that has to do with Spanish language and culture (plus I apparently have the passionate persona!) that I am herby dubbing myself an honorary Latina! Everybody thinks I am every time I come to beautiful country anyway (until I hear my lack of gorgeous accent and see me try to salsa – then they know _soy turista_! XD)

" _But when women are moved and lend help, when women, who are by nature calm and controlled, give encouragement and applause, when virtuous and knowledgeable women grace the endeavor with their sweet love, then it is invincible"_

 _~ Jose Marti ~_

 **CT:** We really appreciate how you've helped make our parodies the best they can be. You rock!

 **Chapter 22**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Perhaps Franziska isn't Manfred's daughter, but actually a Belmont that he kidnapped so that he could protect himself and his home from vampire hunters. After all, for centuries, vampire hunters have defeated evil with holy power. But if two vampire hunters were to fight each other, and since a Belmont's power is supreme among vampire hunters, that would no longer be an issue. That would explain why Franziska doesn't resemble a vampire and is quite skilled with a whip.

 **JP:** The Addams Family (and also The Munsters!) TV show was way ahead of my time, and I imagine for pretty much everybody on this site/fandom, but I (and probably they) knew the theme tune, at least, from the movie starring Raul Julia as Gomez Adams, which was a pretty cult classic film, with an equally satisfying sequel. I have no doubt that Nosferatu slept in a coffin, and only has a beautiful daughter because his wife must've been a looker… Or else God thought that having him for a father she's already suffered enough and decided to give her a break in the looks department! XD

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Don't worry, you're not alone. Before I wrote this parody, the only experience I had with "The Addams Family" was the first verse of the theme song. But that's the beauty of writing parodies- they help to broaden your horizon and learn something new in the process.

 **JP:** it's funny how you mentioned sequels in your review milady because while I am not a huge fan of Disney sequels, I was a huge fan of _The Addams Family_ values and actually preferred it to the original _Addams Family_ movie, mostly because of the scene-stealing Christina Ricci playing Wednesday Addams. The original Misanthrope… She was my hero! If as for your request, if it involves Phil Collins the answer will always be yes. Although to be honest the sequel song was the easier one but I've never shied away from a challenge so I'm not gonna start now! I guess you'll just have to be surprised! ;)

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** If you don't want to see a villain get defeated, then they aren't a good villain. Granted, many of the villains in the "Ace Attorney" series can be quite sympathetic, like Mimi Miney, Godot, and Marlon Rimes, I view them as very good characters, but don't exactly fit the role of a villain. For when it comes to villains, one of my main qualifications is that they have to be satisfying to take down; which is why I view Matt Engarde as a better villain as Acro, and why Blaise reigns supreme over Simon Keyes in the antagonist department.

It's no surprise that Phoenix and Edgeworth would still talk to Gumshoe for over a decade. After all, Gumshoe's like gum on a shoe- once you encounter him, you can't get rid of him without causing yourself a great deal of grief. That, and telling Gumshoe not to talk to you is like telling some big, gentle dog sitting out in the cold rain to go away.

You sang "The Addams Family" theme song in your school choir? How interfascinating...

 **JP:** I look forward to your feedback on me and Jove's Boy collab _Man Behind the Mask!_ :)

My older sister loves to mock me about how she got all of _her_ bad girl behavior out of the way in the 90's before the existence of the Internet/proof of shenanigans for future blackmail! In that sense, sucks to be us, Wright?

I really would like to believe that the whole Ace Attorney gang is really good friends outside of court, including with the noodle-loving detective who was everybody's pal! I think it's awesome that you got to do the Addams family inquired… The only show tune I remember doing was Under The Sea! Considering I sound like a seagull when I'm singing I woulda preferred to simply hum and snap in the background! (So would have my glee teacher - she told me to stop fooling around and sing in my _real_ voice! Um… I _was_!) XD

 **Yanmegaman**

 **CT:** Legend has it that when Badd was singing his parody, the snapping sound wasn't that of fingers, but instead Manfred's sanity.

 **JP:** you know my obsession with the badass detective knows zero bounds, but I _swear_ I didn't solicit my copilot to use him for your request (that's just good synergy right there!) in being the catalyst to make Manfred finally "snap!" Glad you liked it pal!

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Thanks… It means… a lot to us.

 **JP:** Baddass is… **The**. Most. Underrated. Awesome. Criminally. Underrated. AA. Character. EVER! I couldn't have thought of a better contender to use that same snapping thumb to so classically _thumb his nose_ at Dracula myself! :p

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** When it comes to Manfred von Karma, everything he does has to be perfect, and murder is no exception. So even though Manfred has no qualms about killing people for simply opposing him, he won't do it unless he has the perfect opportunity and the perfect plan that can't be traced back to him. Heck, if that fateful earthquake didn't happen, Manfred probably wouldn't have killed Gregory; or perhaps Gregory would have been killed, but Blaise would have handled it to ensure that there would be one less goody two-shoes poking their nose where it didn't belong.

 **JP:** we know that Badd is infallible when it comes to bullet holes -I think he could withstand any diabolical efforts Manny made against his life, including that Taser! I don't know how my partner managed to make my favourite detective even more awesome…but somehow by making him start in this parody gem… He did just that! CT deserves major _snaps_ for that!

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** When it comes to memorability, nothing beats a catchy rhythm, an upbeat tempo, and lots of rhyming. For even I knew "The Addams Family" theme song, or at least part of it, before writing "The von Karma Family", and I never even so much as thought of watching a single episode.

 **JP: The Notebook**...epic. Also both leads are Canadian and were lovers in real life! :)  
Phil Collins could recite the Gettysburg address in pig latin and it would sound glorious what with that angelic voice of his which never ceases to soothe my soul. I am baised of course but...to qoute my older sister (a fellow lover of him who influenced a lot of my music!): él me hace cosas con su voz ¡que mi esposo no puede lograr con sus manos!XD

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Don't worry, if any songs sound graphic, it's not because we feel forced to do so, but rather because of personal taste. For while JP has a fluffy sense of humor that I adore, I tend to favor and have an easier time writing darker material.

 **JP:** Thwomp balances out my often overly saccharine sense of humor perfectly with his Edgey one to keep our readers from getting diabetes! It's why we make such a good duet! Rest assured he doesn't write stuff more twisted than a pretzel in a hurricane because he feels like he _has_ to - he does it cuz he _likes_ it!


	24. Perfect Case

_CT: And here we have the first villain song parody featuring Franziska. And what better way to make Franziska villainous than by having her remind us all of how she's better than us in every way, shape, or form? I would like to give_ _The_ _Freelancer Seal_ _a big shout-out for submitting the idea for this parody!_

 _JP: Another movie I haven't seen but it's on my to-do list, since the last song_ _The Freelancer Seal_ _asked for, from "The Great Mouse Detective" was Ace! I do however love the talented Tim Curry (who is unrecognizable from his "Rocky Horror Picture Show" drag queen days!) although for me he'll always be the evil Cardinal from "The Three Musketeers!" (Don't even get me started on his portrayal of the "It" clown) Ya'll tell us which one was creepier between Pennywise and the character from this movie! Hope you enjoy Franny starring in a villainess tune, bud! :)_

* * *

 **"Perfect Case"  
** **(Sung to the tune of "Toxic Love" from  
** _ **"FernGully: The Last Rainforest")**_

 _[After Blaise Debeste was arrested for killing Jill Crane, in addition to running black market auctions that sold evidence, Franziska work with Interpol was done. So with this task having been perfectly completed, the prosecuting prodigy decides to spend some time working in the L.A. Prosecutor's Office as a bit of a vacation since she finds the American justice system to be especially foolish. Though while Franziska doesn't want to admit it, it's obvious to everyone in the Prosecutor's Office that she's only working there so that she can spend some time with her 'little' brother after everything that he's been through recently.]_

 _[However, if anyone dares to bring up those thoughts to Franziska- or even simply irritate her, for that matter- she'll respond with a rapid-fire barrage of variations of the word 'fool' and many painful lashes from her whip. Thus, the prosecuting prodigy has been facing few interruptions as she sits at her desk, looking over a case file while gleefully singing a song to express her sense of self-pride.]_

* * *

 _[Speaks]_ _ **  
**_Let me prosecute this case!  
No one's better at the subject!  
After all, I'm perfect!

* * *

 _[Sings]_  
Deception and crime,  
Murders so sloppy, defense attorneys so foolish.  
The Detective obeys me, the Judge knows his place,  
So they'll love my per-per-per-perfect case!

* * *

I visit many nations and the fools living in them,  
With my perfection, I ensure a conviction to condemn,  
My glory's growing with each perfect outcome,  
And anyone who defies me will be whipped until they're numb.  
And what a perfect justice system they've given me,  
Rushed trials that force the foolish defense to beg and plea.

* * *

Guilty verdicts without doubt,  
Piled before me like dinnertime sauerkraut.  
I'm a von Karma, I'm a dynamo in the workplace,  
So they'll love my per-per-per-perfect case!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 23**

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I don't know what they did getting it right would Toy Story and its subsequent sequels, but it is the only example I can think of with Disney having a movie equivalent to its original!

I do love Zootopia and I absolutely adore Kay Faraday and Detective Gym Shoe (the anime had _Debeste_ names for Gummy I think I prefer this one to detective Gumtree and Suedeshoes!) So I'm going to see what I can do with your ideas although of course you know I'm going to try to do justice to Phil Collins first, Wright milady? :p

 **CT:** Trust me, when it comes to ideas for these parodies, we're still going strong and having a blast while doing it.

When it comes to Disney sequels, while most of the films fall flat, a good chunk of them has at least one song that is on par with something out of the originals. Too bad Kristoph never had a lovely female assistant like Phoenix did, because otherwise, we would have done a "My Lullaby" parody by now.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I'm glad you liked this adorable trio and their mini glee club!

 _We all have dreams!_ :p

Mine is to have somebody who has a singing voice worth mentioning actually saying that one of my parodies and upload it on YouTube… One of our readers claims to have his own mini choir with their friends I'm trying to sweet-talk them intimately sending me a sound clip! XD

 **CT:** Thanks for the compliment. However, I don't think that anyone would want to hear my ear-grating caterwauling with any of these parodies.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** I'm so glad you liked it! I had such a blast Wrighting it - they are hands down my favorite fellas to portray! 😊

 **CT:** Considering that Edgeworth started crying over his ability to fold an origami swan when he was a kid, anything's possible. Too bad Gregory never got to see his son being friendly with his peers.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Always a pleasure to have my bud smiling through his owl working hours - I am just glad you contained it since you were at work! XD

I could have made the joke about his aroma lacking a certain appeal due to a case of insane in the methane had the subject had been the (smelly) Butz, but since Edgeworth would never DARE steam-press his Calvins (maybe that's why he's so uptight? LOL) I had to get creative with answering the call of the wild burrito in terms of rhymes with "downhearted" :p

I hope you sing my version loud and proud! I know _I_ do! (mostly in my car with the windows rolled down!)

 **CT:** It's always a pleasure to know that we've brightened someone's day. As for Larry, I've always personally pictured the sound in his head being television static.

 **FSOA**

 **JP:** My head canon is that being raised in Germany, Edgey may have grown up with the relaxed Euro mindset of it being NBD to have a glass of wine at dinner. However, he'd be too dignified to be a drunken lush or sip something like commoner ale - vintage port of course, only the best! (the exception to the sloshed rule is naturally, unless he's heartbroken at an impromptu Butz wedding for comedic purposes, or just being around Larry in general – see a correlation here? :p) I don't think either he or Nick could handle Larry in large doses while sober! XD

 **CT:** With how Larry is normally, he can't be that much worse drunk. At least then, there would be a reasonable explanation for Larry being, well… Larry. As for Phoenix and Edgeworth, I see the former drinking only on special occasions and the latter being the kind of guy to enjoy a nice glass of red wine in the comfort of his home after a long day of work, but nothing more.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** I love your idea about this being post DD celebrations– getting tipsy once doth _not_ an alcoholic make! If you can't get a buzz celebrating the end of the Dark Age of the Law, when can you, Wright? Besides, there's no way Miles would ever sing (or handle being around The Butz for long stretches of a time!) such an undignified parody in public while sober! XD

It's a crazy day indeed when a loudmouthed pepper and putrid yolk who have mutual screaming sessions about their "fine" state are the so-called straight men, but yes, they'd think these old farts are whacko indeed! I think they oughta embrace the lunacy, personally, just like good ol' Jughead Chambers would! :p

 **CT:** I can see it now- Phoenix, Larry, and Edgeworth sitting at the bar, singing and having a merry time while Apollo and Athena sit adjacent to each other in a booth off to the side, glaring at the three happy childhood friends, but for different reasons. Athena's enraged that she can't join the fun because she's underage and Edgeworth confiscated her fake ID after giving her a lecture on the matter, while Apollo's angry at the fact that he's the designated driver; though because Apollo doesn't have a license, he had to attach a little red wagon to the back of his bike that his boss, the Chief Prosecutor, and their bumbling friend will all pile into when they're ready to leave.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** Yeesh, why be a teacher if you got a hate-on boner for kids?!  
Acro and Godot are considered to be more sympathetic villains certainly I still feel sorry for the former (the latter is quite the popular antihero and the fandom that requires little explanation) although some see him wanting to get revenge on the young girl as evil… Being the bloodthirsty wench that I am, I'm thinking his motives for murder are still better than petty jealous Bitchtoff Gavin's. I mean Acro ended _paralyzed_ and his brother is basically _dead_ because Regina is a bubble-headed idiot! I am so happy you read and enjoyed my collaboration _The Man Behind the Mask_ I would love to resume that story because Miego is criminally underrated and I hope this was the slight nudge my copilot might need! It makes me a lot happier picturing Edgeworth picking up the tab since he can easily afford it as opposed to Phoenix who thanks to the Burger Queen tearing a hole into his wallet with her bottomless pit stomach, merely had two nickels to rub together although I'd like to think since opening up the law office with Athena and Apollo that he's doing better financially! Young Larry and Nick and Miles are too precious – I adored that anime episode (and the anime itself despite, some people bellyaching about the lack of quality animation compared to the videogame cut scenes!) And I'm so excited about season to coming out this fall in them covering the third game the idea of seeing Dahlia's exorcism live and hot coffee to the face fills me with glee! :p

 **CT:** While I never took a chorus class, I know all too well about disgruntled music teachers from my time as a trumpet player in my band class. Though don't get any ideas- I was no superstar player. Heck, no one in my class was since we were the most basic level which consisted of people who just wanted to get our fine arts credit without having to paint. So since no one would practice, we sounded terrible to the point where the teacher, after many lectures, eventually just gave up and just let the chips fall where they may, essentially writing us off as a lost cause.

Yeah, I've seen that episode, and I was chuckling at the fact that even as a young child, Edgeworth was quite the investigator with his logic regarding the address on the cardboard box. Though even more surprising was that at two-years-old, Franziska was already using her riding crop.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** The idea of the Ace Attorney men shimmying their hips and wildly gyrating their pelvises while wearing the iconic John Travolta suit from Saturday Night Fever has me giggling helplessly. It is on my to-do list to make an epilogue for _Double DILF Doodies_ but now you have been tempted to do a prologue like this (dunno if I could do it in verse that'd be so hard!) because I have specifically soft spot for that story, as it was my first (and only!) nonromantic comedy! (You're right, Larry wouldn't get a long speech because Iris is such a saint!)

However, I have no doubt that Klavier would be right at home, and would be the only one that could not only bust a move but will be totally comfortable in that gaudy outfit! XD

I love the notion of this cheery song being the Three Musketeers group anthem to bring a smile to their faces, what a wonderful thought! They've all come such a long way now as they are all successful in their own right… Let's ignore the fact that Larry's artistic success has been eclipsed by the fact that they regressed his character to hell in the DLC case of SOJ!

As for switching places again, I am delighted that you enjoyed the results of me and my funny man partner going out of our comfort zone and would certainly be up for doing so again as I've never shied away from a challenge – what say you, Thwomp? ;)

 **CT:** "Hakuna Matata" is one of those songs that you either like because you genuinely love its lyrics, rhythm, and good message about enjoying life or you develop Stockholm syndrome after countless hours of it being stuck in your head because it's just so darn catchy. As you can probably guess from the parodies that I've written for this fanfic, my favorite "Lion King" song is "Be Prepared".

In addition to singing this song, Phoenix has probably makes sure to sew, glue, tape, staple, and do whatever else he can to keep his badge attached to his lapel whenever he goes to court, especially if Troupe Gramarye is involved. Good thing Phoenix was in Khura'in during "The Magical Turnabout", because otherwise he would have probably suffered from horrible PTSD attacks if he was Trucy's defense attorney. I could just imagine Phoenix burning Magnifi's notebook and handcuffing Trucy to the defendant's stand, telling her, "Sorry, baby. I can't take any chances." while she flashes him those big, sad eyes of hers.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** Well, I didn't really need to stretch my imagination _too_ far, seeing as how in canon the entire gang got drunk celebrating Edgeworth's not guilty verdict at the end of Turnabout Goodbyes, and how Phoenix was literally hung over when he chased after Maya to the train station … I figured, like Godot suggested, that these drinks were in post DD celebration (not because I see the cast as alcoholics) and that in such merry circumstances, every once in a blue moon, even Miles Edgeworth can take the stick out his bum and enjoy some high-end wine, aka Dutch courage, in order to let loose and belt out a ditty!

 **CT:** While it may be hard to imagine Phoenix and the gang indulging in an adult beverage or two, it was established as canon in the first game. For at the end of "Turnabout Goodbyes", after Edgeworth has been acquitted of both the murders of Robert Hammond and his father, we cut to Phoenix standing in his office at 5:02 a.m. the following morning, where he proceeds to say, "Whoa… I went a little overboard yesterday. My head hurts…" So while Phoenix may not be a frequent drinker, he doesn't shy away from it on special occasions.

As for Larry's view on ladders vs. stepladders, I feel that he's the kind of guy who doesn't care about that matter unless a hot girl is climbing up said ladder/stepladder.


	25. A Whole New Law

_JP:_ _This is set post-SOJ after Nick's latest courtroom triumph as he pitted his life and wits against Her Malevolence. Now he's trying to convince his former Wright & Co. Office Manager to say yes to the coaxing of "Come Be My Girl" (my alternate song title of choice for this parody) in this new, non-corrupt Japalifornia legal system he's helped set up. Except for __**this**_ _time, he wants Maya back -_ _as **more** than just his assistant …_

 _This one's going out to requesters and awesome readers,_ _MuhammadGamingS_ _and_ _PurpleHoodedAngel ..._ _and every fellow Phaya lover out there! :)_

 _CT: If you've read any of my co-writer's material, you probably knew that it was only a matter of time before we'd be posting a Phaya parody. Though like with all of her other Phaya stories, JP does a wonderful job in showing us just why Phoenix and Maya are Special Someones and have been aggressively shipped by Pearl since 2002._

* * *

 **"A Whole New Law"**  
 **(Sung to the tune of "A Whole New World"  
from Walt Disney's **_**Aladdin**_ **)** **  
**

* * *

[Intro: _Phoenix_ and Maya]

Maya: Argh! I was losing my mind today, with nothing to do but hope and pray! *puffs out cheeks* However did you _do_ that?!

 _Phoenix_ : Do _what_?

Maya: How'd you manage to pull that log out of the fire?!

 _Phoenix_ : *smirks* It's my own brand of courtroom magic!

Maya: I - I'd gotten so used to seeing you defend – but _at your side in_ court, where I could actually _help you out! –_ Instead of so far away in the gallery! I felt so helpless!

 _Phoenix_ : You wouldn't...you wouldn't ever consider coming back as my legal assistant again, would you? We could create some serious waves, post- _Dark Age of the Law!  
_  
Maya: So the system is now … corruption free?

 _Phoenix_ : You bet! Do you believe in me?

Maya: What?

 _Phoenix_ : Do you believe in me?

Maya: Yes...

* * *

[Verse 1: _Phoenix_ ]  
I'll make justice unfurl  
Flawed jurisdictions mended  
Tell me, Master, when was the law  
Last upon your side?

* * *

[Verse 2: _Phoenix_ ]

Little room for surprise  
Same old courtroom inflections  
Hold it's, Take That's, Objections  
Cuz the truth can't be denied

* * *

[Refrain 1: _Phoenix_ ]  
A whole new law  
Vanquished the darkness you once knew  
No further jails to know  
More highs than lows  
Nor frightened tears or screaming

* * *

[Refrain 2: Maya and _Phoenix_ ]  
A whole new law  
Fresh turnabouts begin anew  
With you I'll have no fear  
It's crystal clear  
That I'm meant for a whole new law with you  
 _(I'm meant for a whole new law with you)_

* * *

[Verse 2: Maya]  
Unbelievable bluffs  
Magatamas be glowing  
Smiling faces be showing  
That we're on our client's side!

* * *

[Refrain 3: Maya and _Phoenix_ ]

A whole new law  
( _Don't you dare change your mind_ )  
At Wright Anything Agency  
( _With you back; it'll be better_ )  
Our trials are so bizarre  
We raise the bar!  
My heart says this is where I need to be

* * *

[Refrain 4: _Phoenix_ and Maya]

 _A whole new law_  
(The DA's aren't bad guys)  
 _New crimes and cases to pursue  
_ (We're truth-seeking go-getters)  
We'll be the justice pair  
Make trials be fair  
Let me share this whole new law with you

* * *

[Refrain 5: _Phoenix_ and Maya]

 _A whole new law  
_ (I'll be your squaw)  
 _Together we'll be_  
(We're meant to be)  
 _Eternal bliss_  
(Give me a kiss)  
Forever thee

* * *

[Whispers] Maya: Goodnight, my Baron of Bluffing  
 _  
[*Phaya kiss*]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **IamMelapples**

 **CT:** When it comes to songs, if we can make decent parodies, we don't really care where they come from. So with that in mind, we're willing to give those songs a look and see what we can do with them.

 **JP:** If you are a fan of my fave funny man's works you would know that he has a particular affinity for writing Manfred and his very unique penchant for Santa Claus and all things Christmas so this is actually a little bit less out there a request than one might think!

P.S. don't think we have heard a review from you until now so thank you very much for reading and dropping a line! :)

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** In regards to "My Lullaby", I think that song is more befitting for the likes of Morgan or Ga'ran since it involves raising a child in order to strike down a hated enemy. But when I think about it, none of the characters in the series feel quite right when paired with that song. However, that's not to say that I don't plan on parodying it in the future…

 **JP:** I need to look up, as I don't know "My Lullaby" but it sounds like it'd be sung to Satan Spawn Dahlia as a child…and as, for the creepsicle dildo that is Bitchtoff, the only person I could ever ship him with is Dolly herself... They are both poisonously evil! Hail Dahlstoph!

As for there being a Gavin sister, it has come up in a couple of Fanfictions so the idea really isn't too outrageous at least not compared to some of the stuff that's out there!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. We're always up for a challenge. As for why villains tend to get better songs than heroes, I feel that their position allows for them to be written in an over-the-top, larger-than-life manner. For in order for a villain's defeat to be truly satisfying, their character had to be built up to make them appear formidable. So this is often done in a wide variety of ways- whether in the form of having the villain plot in the shadows and/or constantly throwing obstacles at the protagonist, having them destroy everything and/or everything that the protagonist loves, and/or giving them a musical number that allows them to strut their evil stuff.

 **JP:** Well you presented a challenge to my co-pilot and I'm happy that he delivered...an _evil_ Yank it doth not make...but certainly makes you one _hell_ of a reader! :p

 **JusticeforNoOne  
**

 **CT:** I agree with you that the combination of those snazzy instruments and Tim Curry's wonderfully evil voice is what makes that song so great.

You can take Franziska out of the 'perfect' world of the von Karma family, but you can't take the von Karma out of her. For Franziska, arrogance, as well as the desire to verbally and physically abuse anyone who dares to stand in her way, is as hardwired into her genes as the ability to swim is in a fish's.

I don't know about you, but if JP writes a prequel for "Double DILF Doodles", I'd want to see a story going into detail describing everything that transpired on that trip to Vegas that the guys took for Edgeworth's 40th birthday which included Phoenix's encounter with a drag queen stripper and Edgeworth having an emotional breakdown during his karaoke performance of "Copacabana".

 **JP:** Tim Curry is incredible both as a musical performer and as an actor and I was giggling maniacally at Franny's overuse of the so-called f-word now having a different meaning... While she has undergone fantastic character development I will agree with you a hundred percent that she will never lose the Von Karma arrogance but then again being beautiful and brilliant enough to be a prosecutor at the age of 13 it's certainly more cause for self-confidence than a lot of other characters we've seen (cough *Red White/Richard Wellington*) both in this game and real life!

Also, I absolutely love the headcanon about Detective Badd and I want to find some way at least give the very much loved Raymond Shields and honorable mention that he did defend my favorite detective badass and keep him out of prison in my story. (I can't believe you're already up to chapter 165 it seems like just a few weeks ago you were still in double-digit chapters I know it's a lengthy read so your dedication to this dear project a mind means a lot to me!) It's very hard to give all these wonderful characters enough "on-screen" time, what with so many characters in the mix, but I have at least managed to marry him off happily to his in-game crush Katherine Hall! Thanks for that idea thanks for that idea! :)

P.S. _Double DILF Doodies_ prologue/epilogue will probably have a scene with the men very similar to the one you mentioned in your last review…and am now wracking brain trying to think of a worthy hilarious tale of the boys' Vegas antics like CT mentioned! XD

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** In regards to Regina, while I find her irritating, I don't outright hate her for it. I think that it has to do with the fact that in both "Justice for All" and "Investigations 2", she's the lesser of two evils when compared to games' respective clowns, whether in terms of irritation for the former or having any real presence period in the latter. Sure, Regina may make Sebastian before the events of "The Grand Turnabout" look like a Nobel laureate by comparison, but considering where she was raised, and that Moe played a big part in her upbringing, she turned out alright… aside from almost marrying a puppet, that is.

Considering how the anime's been turning Phoenix into an Airbender with all of the windstorms his objections have been creating, I wouldn't be surprised to see a tidal wave of coffee sloshing out of his mug. Though for me, I'm more excited to see what they have planned for "Recipe for Turnabout" in regards to Armstrong and Tigre. For the former, my life will be complete if they give him a more flamboyant version of Maximillion Pegasus' voice (if that's even possible), and for Tigre… Well, if he's capable of causing a power outage with his roar in the game, then I can only imagine what the anime has in store for his breakdown.

While I have no objections about Edgeworth and Franziska's relationship becoming romantic, I personally can't see it being anything more than 'little' brother/'big' sister. Sure, if Edgeworth and Franziska met at around the same time as Phoenix and Maya, I could see them getting together. However Edgeworth and Franziska met when they were nine and two, respectively; and in my personal opinion, nothing puts the kibosh on romance more than your potential girlfriend calling you 'little brother' for almost 20 years. That's taking the classic friend zone tactic of thinking of someone as your sibling to a whole new level.

 **JP** : THERE IS GOING TO BE A LIVE ACTION ALADDIN MOVIE COME 2019 WITH WILL SMITH AS THE GENIE! Whoooop!

I agree with you that Regina is a complete bubblehead, although she was made somewhat more bearable in the anime. What can you say about somebody that's almost a grown woman and believes that there are castles made of cake and talking rabbits in Zimbabwe?! Also, I think the reason all the guys at the circus had a thing for her is that she was the only girl around I don't think anybody is hot enough to be that dumb! XD

I'm happy to bring such happy news about the second season of the anime to one of my favorite readers... I think I am most excited about seeing Godot and Dahlia live! Ask for Phoenix's money situation obviously it was good enough for him to just take off to Asia willy-nilly in SOJ which is not a cheap flight... I think he's just been able to hold his head above the water and she's no longer feeding Maya's bottomless pit stomach but it is nowhere near Miles Edgeworth, red Alfa Romeo sports car level wealth! One thing is for sure and that is that the legendary Phoenix Wright is more than likely more famous than he is rich but I think he wouldn't have it any other way!

Also it's great that you keep an open mind about Franny and Miles they can literally go either way either as rivalry siblings or romantically although you might be selling your writing skills too short by thinking that you couldn't do a good job writing them as a couple... Being a good writer man's challenging yourself which is why funny man CT and I swapped roles with hero and villain songs a few chapters back! :)

Now, respectfully being on a different page regarding Miles and Franny than my co-pilot (it's all good, he likes Junipollo, I like JusticeCykes and we're still friends who still support each other's works because we're awesome like that!) I'd like to share my thoughts of Fredgeworth as a romantic rather than sibs pair, the following states my thoughts as mirrored by this writer. The following is extracted from the subsequent blog links below by a fellow Mitsumei lover (because I couldn't have said it better myself):

 _"Fredgeworth can be actually a very precious and beautiful relationship with mutual healing and understanding, despite the angsty history of their lives thanks to Manfred von Douchebag. The reason why I support Edgeworth and Franziska is because I want my babies to be happy. Because I believe Edgeworth would be the world's best husband for Franziska. Because Edgeworth is one of few men who truly respects Franziska as a strong and gifted prosecutor and not as a "hot girl." Both of them went through so much, and they are the only ones in the world who can understand each other with their problems. Edgeworth would teach Franziska about the value of truth, and that she doesn't have to be perfect to be loved. They can share their feelings about Manfred, their losses, their jobs, their loneliness. They can talk to each other. They can listen to each other._

They can love. They can be loved.

They can be happy."

Further case in point from that blog:

 _Bit . ly / 2JI6aVg_

Full spiel on **Everybody Loves Edgeworth Tumblr** :

 _Bit .ly/ 2lelcU7_

 _*Steps away from defense bench and rubs back of neck, Phoenix style*_

Thank you for hearing my closing argument, Your Honor – er, dear reader(s!)


	26. We All Have Dreams

_CzarThwomp: Despite not being based off an antagonist's song, this parody was a lot of fun to write. Only Kristoph would organize a prison-wide musical number to cheer up a guy solely because he was antagonistic towards Phoenix. But then again, based on how quickly and willingly the prisoners were to attempt to break out of their cells and team up to attack Edgeworth in "Imprisoned Turnabout", things like this probably aren't that unusual in Central Prison._

 _JP: I have seen_ _Tangled_ _, found it to be charming but slightly overrated, and have to give mad props to my talented copilot for actually making the forgettable songs much more memorable and enjoyable than the actual original! Who would've thought that the resident bird man/reverse panda would be included in a villain song reminiscent of the world famous "I have a dream speech?" **Alycat20** – this one's for you!_

* * *

 **"We All Have Dreams"**  
 **Sung to the tune of "I've got a Dream"  
from Disney's** _ **Rapunzel**_

 _[It's rec time at Central Prison and most of the prisoners are enjoying it in their own unique ways- some do exercise, some sneak off to place an order with the Supplier, and others trade stories about how Phoenix Wright got them arrested.]_

 _[However, instead of enjoying the brief time out of his cell, Simon Blackquill spends it sitting on a bench off to the side with a cold, morose look on his face. But despite the Twisted Samurai's intimidating appearance, Kristoph isn't deterred from approaching the prosecutor with his usual grin.]_

* * *

 _ **["Hello, Prosecutor Blackquill. Lovely day, isn't it?"]**_

 _ **["What do you want, Toothpick?"**_ _Simon growls.]_

 _ **["Well, since you asked so nicely …You know your most recent trial where you  
prosecuted that astronaut?"]**_

 _ **["The one that resulted in the destruction of Courtroom Number Four and Tonate  
getting thrown in here in record time…"**_ _Simon gestures over to Tonate standing on the other  
side of the area, who responds with only a slow wave._ _ **"What about it?"]**_

 _ **["I heard through the grapevine that you fought against Wright in court earlier today and gave  
him quite the hard time. Care to go into specific details about how my arch  
enemy squirmed and struggled?"]**_

 _ **["I'm not in the mood."**_ _Simon curtly responds, turning his back to the former defense attorney.]_

 _ **["Since when have you ever been the type not to relish in the misery of others?  
Why, no one could stop you from telling us about how terrified Mr. Justice was back in April when you broke your shackles  
after one of his bluffs; or in July, when Wright was traumatized by that writer's…wardrobe malfunction."**_  
 _Kristoph chuckles. "_ _ **The latter was especially delightful to hear."]**_

 _ **["Since I'm going to be put to death tomorrow, the girl who I sacrificed my life to protect is under arrest  
for a crime that she didn't do, and that the Phantom is still on the loose.  
My sacrifice and everything else I've done over the last seven years has all been in vain."**_ _Simon sullenly states.]_

 _ **["Mr. Blackquill, as the man who ruined Wright's reputation and stalked him for seven years,  
I know that anything is possible. And do you know why?]**_

 _ **["Because you had no hobbies, friends, or anything else of importance to lose?"**_  
 _The Twisted Samurai wryly asks, earning him a scowl from Kristoph.]_

 _ **["No. It's because anything is possible as long as you have a dream- something each and every one of us has."]**_

 _ **["Well then, Mr. Evidence-is-all-that-Matters, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and explain yourself?"]**_

 _ **["Oh, I will, Prosecutor Blackquill… in song."**_ _Kristoph smirks.]_

 ** _["Oh, bugger…"_** _Simon sighs with a roll of his eyes.]_

* * *

 _ **{Kristoph}**_ **  
**I'm calm, collected, and smart,  
My skills really set me apart,  
Though my morality is quite questionable.  
But despite my debatable flaws,  
And my deep fascination with all laws,  
I've always wished to be a Broadway singer.

* * *

Can't you picture me onstage singing ditties,  
Filling the audience with glee?  
While I loved being a lawyer,  
I'm also a musical enjoyer,  
Because everyone has dreams, I agree.  
 _(We all agree!)  
(We all agree!)  
_As you can see, I'm not all that beastly.  
And while with revenge I'm a schemer,  
You can say that I'm a dreamer,  
Because we all dream, I agree.

* * *

 _[While the prisoners are singing, Fulbright watches scene from a security monitor in the prison's surveillance room as_ Tonate _chimes in with his speech synthesizer.]_

 **{Tonate}  
** I'M LANKY, SHORT, AND ALOOF,  
WITH ISSUES THROUGH THE ROOF,  
AND AN OBSESSION FOR ALL THINGS THAT GO BOOM!  
BUT DESPITE MY BEADY EYES,  
AND MY CREEPY, STOIC GUISE,  
I WANT TO FILL THE DARK VOID IN MY HEART!

I YEARN TO FIND A GIRL I CAN CONNECT WITH,  
SOMEONE WHO'S NOT DISTURBED BY MY HOBBIES.  
THOUGH I KILLED A GIRL I LIKED,  
I WON'T LET MY HEART GET PIKED,  
BECAUSE EVERYONE DREAMS, I AGREE!  
I AGREE,  
 _(We all have dreams!)  
_ I AGREE,  
 _(We all have dreams!)  
_ AND I BELIEVE THAT ONE DAY I'LL HAVE GLEE!  
AND WHILE I MAY BE JAILED,  
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT I'VE FAILED,  
FOR EVERYONE DREAMS, I AGREE!

* * *

 _{Random Prisoners}_  
Sahwit wants to get out and be an animal groomer.  
Atmey studies chemistry after dark.  
Gant swims in the pool,  
Gustavia's candy will make you drool.  
Means educates,  
L'Belle ice-skates,  
Wellington makes ceramic plates

* * *

 _ **{Kristoph}**_ **  
**And Tigre takes an interest in the stock market.

 _[The prisoners stop singing when they notice Elbird, who is disguised as a guard, walking towards the entrance to the prison.]_

 _ **["Excuse me, Mr. Guard."**_ _Kristoph states as he and several other prisoners approach the disguised inmate._ **" _What do you have to say regarding this matter?"]_**

 _ **["Me?"**_ _Elbird asks with a look of confusion.]_

 _ **["YES. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?"**_ _Ted types on his speech synthesizer with a stoic expression.]_

 _ **["Sorry, guys. I've got things to do. So if you'll excuse me…"]**_

 _[Elbird tries to walk away, but is quickly stopped when the prisoners surround him and point makeshift shivs- except for Tonate, who pulls out a bomb made out of a bar of soap- at him.]_

* * *

 _{Elbird}_  
I have a dream like yours, alright,  
Though it's got a lot more might,  
And involves me winning a big fight.  
Within the boxing ring,  
After a lot of prep and training,  
I'll beat the heavyweight champ, aright!

* * *

 **{Blackquill}**  
Everyone has a dream,  
 _(We agree!)_  
Everyone has a dream,  
 _(We agree!)  
_ Mine's to hear the Phantom's final scream.  
After he's convicted at his trial,  
I'm sure my sensei's ghost will smile.  
We all have a dream, I agree.

* * *

 _{Everyone}_  
We all have dreams,  
We agree!  
We all have dreams,  
We agree!  
We're not all that different, don't you see?  
We're like familyyyyyyyy!

* * *

Call us evil, crazy, opportunistic,  
And eerily idealistic,  
But we're proud to say we've all got dreams!  
We agree,  
We agree,  
We agree,  
We agree,  
We agree,  
We agree,  
That deep, down inside we've all got dreeeeeeeeams!  
Yeah!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Thanks for the heads up! **  
**I am such a diehard Phaya fan the all it takes is for someone to say that they like them (or actually any of my other favorite pairings since I am unabashedly shipping trash!) and I automatically like that person, so you can imagine how much I loved Pearl right out of the gate!  
That must explain why like you so much! :)

 **CT:** You know Phaya has potential when the developers write a character in the second game whose main personality quirks are being polite and shipping Phoenix and Maya together.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** Thank you so much for the sweet words milady! I actually am unfamiliar with the Kelsey and Caleb version but I am delighted after checking it out that you thought I did it justice! Also I am always happy when my readers care to drop me a line, but I am staggered given that you are one of my most loyal readers and followers of Turnabout Everlasting, which is 99.9% a Nick and Maya love story, but you aren't even that big of a fan of the couple (and also prefer Ema X Elsa and Junipollo to my Klema/JusticeCykes shipping self!) Can you be any more fluffy socks amazing?! *Hugs and high-5 for being so open-minded and kind with your reviews – don't ever change, cuz you're such a sweetheart! 😊

Just out of curiosity though, who do you ship Nick and Maya with if not one another?

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. We'd both be completely lost if we didn't write these parodies while listening to their respective songs. So if it enhances your experience by listening to that particular remix, then more power to you.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** I know you're a Wrightworth fangirl, so hearing the fact that you appreciate a Phaya tale really means a lot to me. Thank you so much! 😁

 **CT:** JP- keeping Phaya sickeningly cute and earning two thumbs-up from Pearl since February 1st, 2015.

 **yankeegal13  
**  
 **JP:** Did you hear about the live-action movie coming out next year? Thank you very much for the kind words it's great to know our readers sing along and dance to our tunes! As for your request, I will talk to my co-pilot about it to see if it's feasible unless of course you have a song in mind that you think would be fitting?

 **CT:** We are aware of your parody request and we are working on it. However, you must remember that we are also writing requests sent in by other readers. So just because we aren't immediately posting a parody based on your idea doesn't mean that we've disregarded it.

 **ForGreatCoffee**

 **JP:** It's really nice to see that Phoenix now has your approval especially since his love interest is your kitten's baby sis!

I love your casting of Ace Attorney characters for Aladdin and have no objections to Larry being the Abu and Jughead Chambers being Maya AKA Jasmine's father... PerhapsI'd say the magical Zak Gramarye who deserves at the very least to be trapped into a land for all of eternity for his sins in the iconic Robin Williams role but he sucks so...

Dick Gumshoe could be the genie?!

 _Siempre mi abogado defensor,_

 _Siempre mi amistad._

 **CT:** Considering how similar their personalities are, the Judge and the Sultan could very well be long-lost relatives. And building off that cast of characters, Trucy could be Genie and Retinz plays the role of Jafar.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I never understood the concept of video game shipping until I started playing Ace Attorney, but even though Daisy and Mary are canon (I use those two is my example since I don't play too many video games anymore) I still ship these two more and it's not just because I think the original Pink Princess is starting to get kidnapped on purpose now and is suffering from some sort of Stockholm syndrome towards a certain thundering lizard King! I am always happy to give my readers cavities and I also have this song on my list of music that I listen to although lately, I have been singing parody tunes to all the Disney soundtracks, to the point where I've almost forgotten the real lyrics! XD

I thought it was pretty fitting to have Phaya be starring in a Disney song that's actually a fairytale because Pearl has quite accurately pointed out as their biggest shipper that the two of are a fairytale even despite their dark roots meeting on that fateful day of September 5. She's the beautiful damsel in distress and he's the handsome Sir blue Knight who is always rescuing her!

I appreciate the kind words my dear defense attorney… I was wondering if I was starting to lack as a writer if the focus is on my errors rather than the message behind my work, but I'm glad to see that is not the case with all my wonderful readers! :-)

 **CT:** To me, Phoenix and Maya are so close and dedicated to each other that I often forget that they aren't a couple. Seriously, with how many times Phoenix has saved Maya, going as far as running across a burning bridge, you'd think that he'd want to take things to the next level- especially with how Trucy constantly pressures him to find her a mommy. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Trucy refers to Maya as "Mommy" considering how important she is to her daddy.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** love the nod to _The Doors_ in conjunction with my OTP! I can't believe you're all caught up with Turnabout Everlasting because I know you only started reading it not too long ago, and I'm glad you enjoyed the cavity-inducing song dedicated to Feyt, along with the Larris wedding, although I imagine your recovery is insulin-induced related! :p

To be honest, I don't mind Wrightworth either if it means Nick can finally be happy and not die alone, even though SOJ only further solidified Phaya for me! (but of course, Crapcom will never choose a stance and forever remain in maddening Swiss neutral territory on canon pairings!) That being said, I will have to go with my partner about what the forever stoic Edgeworth's stance on remaining a perma bachelor, although to clarify, if he were to say that Phoenix is out of his league he would definitely mean _beneath_ his league (translation: if I were gay, I'd like to think I could do better than Wright!) since Miles Edgeworth belongs to the _League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen!  
_  
 **CT:** Considering that Edgeworth explicitly stated in "Turnabout Time Traveler", and I quote, "Exactly what is so wrong with wishing to remain unwed?", I think that it's safe to say that we won't see our favorite maroon-cladded prosecutor dating or marrying anyone anytime soon. Plus, if anyone were to bring up the notion of him dating Phoenix, Edgeworth would probably respond with something along the lines of Phoenix being out of his league.

Though speaking of shipping, I guess that makes you a part of Trucy and Pearl's shipping club. In that case, you can comfort Sebastian when Trucy and Pearl start getting into heated arguments over who Apollo should date.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** Inasmuch as I said to milady, I truly appreciate readers about have an open mind about pairings and I'm always blown away by ones who may not be as passionate about my pairings yet are still so open-minded and respectful and still give me the gift of being such a loyal readers and reviewers, it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside!

I'm really hoping game 7 will be followed by the next Trilogy of Gam and Franny is tied with Gumshoe for characters that I really want to see again... She had wonderful character development in the Miles games both of them so I'd like to think that would also mean it has continued and she has mellowed with age... There is no other way for her to go! Although I think she will always have a bit of that sibling style rivalry with Miles... (At least in public) yes their interactions throughout the game are subject for interpretation and can be seen as sibling rivalry, but I still insist she has a crush on Miles...(based on the Miles games) but it's Kilometers Edgeworth who is impossible to read as ever being interested in anyone when it comes to his unnecessary feelings! 😁

 **CT:** All I can say about people liking Regina is that it's simply a matter of personal preference. For one person's favorite videogame character is another's most despised. The same can be said about Fredgeworth. Though speaking of Franziska, I'd say that she didn't change that much in the times between "Ace Attorney Investigations 2" and "Apollo Justice" other than maybe showing a bit more restraint in whipping people.

I believe that the anime will cover the flashback cases in a very similar fashion to the episode in which we see Edgeworth adopted that dog and moved in with Manfred after the events of DL-6. Though as for Tigre, I see him as more of an airbender on account of his roaring; though I could also picture him being an earthbender since he could perhaps cause a small earthquake with a stomp of his foot.


	27. (He's) Not The One I Dream Of

_JP: I know my last homage to Miego (Forever Thee) was depressing (and not just because of my Spanglish!) so consider this my attonement parody to our wonderful readers, which focuses on the earlier, more adorable days of this epic romance. It goes out to requesters **PurpleHoodedAngel, JusticeForNoOne,** and **Ariastella** and all Mia X Diego fans everywhere!_

 _CT: For those of you who had a hard time reading my cowriter's last touching parody involving Mia and Diego on account of all the tears obscuring your vision, here's one that's a bit more upbeat. But even though this song's a whole lot happier, it still captures the feelings that Mia felt for her coworker that were as hot as the coffee he drank practically every second of the day._

* * *

 ** _"(He's) Not The One I Dream Of"_  
** **(Sung to the tune of "I Won't Say I'm In Love"  
from Disney's** _ **Hercules)**_

 _[A newly_ _christened "_ _kitten" at Grossberg Offices has been a case of the "lady doth protest too much" for the past month regarding her not so hidden ardor for a certain Rico Suave, Defense Lawyer to her starry-eyed baby sister and intellectually attractive BFF]_

 _[Maya: **That** **Diego is such a hunk! *swoons*** ] _

_[Mia: **Hmph! That D stands for "Don" ... as in "Don Juan" - since he shamelessly tries to woo anything in heels! It's revolting!]**_

 _[Lana: **Jealous much? I've never seen you get this worked up over a guy before, Mia! He may be a flirt - but he's totally hot for you! Why don't you just admit you're into him, too?]**_

 _[Mia: ***huffs* I am NOT worked up, and I refuse to become yet another conquest for that blasted man!**_

 _[Lana + Maya: ***smirk* Someone's got a serious case of denial!** ]_

 _[Mia: **Objection**! **I have no interest in macho, womanizing, Latin lover types! Diego Armando doesn't do a damn thing for me!]**_

* * *

[Verse 1: **Mia** ]

Were there a plaque for largest ego  
I have no doubt he would win that  
No skirt escapes all his flirtations  
Except with me, they all tend to fall flat!

* * *

[Bridge 1: _**Maya & Lana**_]

Stop with the self-fibbing  
Girl you like him say that you do  
There's no point in lyin'  
Honey we can tell that it's true!  
 **(Oh nooo)  
** Mia just reveal it  
There is no concealing  
Who you're dreamin' of

* * *

[Chorus 1: **Mia** \+ _**Maya & Lana**_]

Enough, I say!  
No confessions, no way!  
 _ **(Why must you lie?)  
(We know you're lovin' that guy!)**_  
I must say nay!  
He's not the one I dream of!

* * *

[Verse 2: **Mia** ]

It can't be love, at most, obsession  
I tend to smile when he's about  
He makes me blush like I'm a school girl  
I've said too much, I'd best shut my mouth!

* * *

[Bridge 2: _**Maya & Lana**_]

 **(Ohhh...)**  
We'll both keep on prying  
Till you admit how you're feeling  
No point falsifying  
Cuz you find this man appealing  
 **(Oh, no)**  
Own up like a big girl  
That he makes those toes of yours curl  
So gosh dang freaking bad!

* * *

[Chorus 2: **Mia** \+ _**Maya & Lana**_]

Enough, I say!  
No confessions, no way!  
 _ **(That sigh, that grin)  
(You're one smitten kitten)**_  
I won't be swayed!  
He's not the one I dream of!  
 _ **(But we insist)  
(You two fit like a glove!)  
**_That's not the case! Enough I say!  
Look at this face! I won't confess!  
 _ **(Girl, sing it loud!)  
(He's the one you dream of!)**_

* * *

[End verse: **Mia** \+ _**Maya & Lana**_]

 **(Ohhh...)**  
I can't tell _him_ …  
He's the one I dream of….  
 _ **(Shoo do, shoo do, shoo do, shoo do)  
(Sha-la-la-la la la, ahh)**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 26**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** When one has all the time and limited activities to keep oneself occupied, one is often willing to try out many unusual hobbies. Heck, when Dogen was arrested, he took up chiseling wood sculptures to pass the time, so anything's possible.

 **JP:** What a blast of bad guys past this was! I would have thought the Michael Jackson wannabe would be making large ceramic BANANAS! XD

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** When it came to writing this parody, one of the biggest issues was not finding villain to include, but trying to narrow down my options because the "Ace Attorney" series has so many great villains to work with.

 **JP:** It's interesting that you ship Phoenix with his job, seeing as how I always saw Miles as more of the nose to the grindstone workaholic, but maybe these two Ace hunks or best friends for a reason!

Who's your fave villain, milady?

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Kristoph is a man of many mysteries. But even though we know nothing of his past, we know that he likes to be dramatic and the center of attention- two qualities that would make him the perfect stage performer.

 **JP:** Welp the creepy German sausage already has stage worthy nails all that's left is to slap some face paint and a wig on him! I'll bet he gets starring falsetto! XD

Also, first time I believe we have heard from you so thanks so much for reading and dropping a line! :)

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Phoenix uncovers people's secrets by looking into their soul with his magatama, Apollo uncovers lies with by noticing their little quirks, and Franziska does all that and more simply by whipping them. Franziska already has her gimmick, so all that's left is to give her some cases and an assistant that she can be potentially shipped with *cough, cough!* Larry *cough, cough!*.

If Capcom decides to have the next trilogy of "Ace Attorney" games focus on Athena, I know for certain that they'll definitely have Simon prosecuting, whether serving as her regular rival or doing an Edgeworth and coming in out of nowhere during the final case to save the day. Though knowing Capcom, they'll probably go with the latter since we always need to have a prosecutor of the week that's the focus of their debut game, just to fade into oblivion afterward- only coming back as a brief cameo if they're lucky. Though luckily, since Simon's plays such a huge role in Athena's life, he'll actually be enjoying some kind of presence in future games, unlike a certain glimmerous rock star who has so much potential for character development.

Yes, I have seen and thoroughly enjoyed "The Last Airbender". Back when it was airing, it was one of my favorite shows to watch because of its good blend of humor and action.

 **JP:** I agree with you controversy doesn't have to be a bad thing and if people were able to debate respectfully and courteously, it would actually be a fascinating discussion but unfortunately shipping is more filled with devotees who hold it as something more devout than their own religion so... I digress.

I minored in psychology and actually determine that certain ships tend to attract certain types of personalities of the fans that follow them I'm not going to say which is which I just noticed that some pairings have fans that seem more chill/accepting and less likely to cause WWIII than others with their devotedness shall we say? ;)

I absolutely love your ideas for the next game and wish they could incorporate at least the characters a Franny and Gumshoe Although seeing how these characters past interact with characters present would be an extra through! And of course it's easy to picture Gavin and Blaise becoming good friends something something birds of a feather! Isn't that why people ship Dahlia and Kristoph as the ultimate lean, mean dream team? (Hey nightmares are dreams technically so it still counts!)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** When it comes to the villains in the "Ace Attorney" series, I believe most of them believe in the old saying, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." Sure, they all have different histories, committing crimes of varying degrees and motives, but they can all be buddies on the grounds that no matter who they are, their plans incarcerated because of a certain bluffing spiky-haired attorney or one of his idealistic friends. So when they know that one of their pals is down in the dumps, they make it a point to help cheer them up- especially if the guy they're trying to help managed to give Phoenix a hard time.

As for sentencing, the "Ace Attorney" series has never been clear about what exactly warrants the death penalty. On one hand, Dahlia was executed for her crimes; yet on the other, Frank Sahwit was actually set to be released soon during the events of "Investigations 2", where he would begin his life anew as an animal groomer. So in my personal opinion, the death penalty is issued based on the motives and circumstances surrounding the murder, in addition to any other crimes that the culprit has committed in the past. So with that in mind, I believe that the more malicious criminals who actually killed their victims in cold blood- Yanni, Mimi, Kristoph, etc.- get the chair, while those who committed their crimes in the heat of the moment- Lance, Gustavia, Wellington, etc.- merely get extended sentences.

 **JP:** It never occurred to me that the movie based on a Nordic fairy tale would be on par as the Lord Voldemort of Disney movies in that its name cannot be spoken otherwise the earworm will come! XD

I love the idea of _12 Angry Me_ n being casted by Ace Attorney villains... it will be a hit if ever done! As for morbid, don't worry, it's what my dark humor copilot _specializes_ in!

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** When it comes to ships, like with real relationships, the best ones occur when the two people have some sort of chemistry and complement each other well. In regards to you ladder vs. stepladder suggestion, I have a concept that I think could work.

 **JP:** Your shipping preference definitely gives the term "Wright Under The Skye" a whole new meaning!


	28. Edgey-Poo, I Love You!

_CT: If Edgeworth was part of Mystery Inc. and Oldbag was one of the creature they were investigating, he wouldn't stop her with any convoluted traps, but rather by jumping in the Mystery Machine and running her over until she stops moving. Either that, or Edgeworth would flee the scene so fast that it'd give Shaggy and Scooby a run for their money. But then again, can we blame Edgeworth? After all, none of the monsters in "Scooby-Doo" ever tried to get any of the protagonists to date them…_

 _JP: This latest, sidesplitting earworm from H-E- Double Hockey Sticks goes out to Yanmegman. I hope you enjoy the hi-JINKIES of poor Miles yapping "ZOIKS!" as he peels out of there as though one of the toon monsters was actually on his tail!_

* * *

 **"Edgey-Poo, I Love You!"**  
 **(Sung to the tune of the original** _ **"Scooby-Dooby-Doo"  
**_ **TV theme song)**

 _[On the side of a road on the outskirts of L.A., Edgeworth's sitting behind the wheel of his car with a scowl on his face. The back half of his vehicle is currently off the road, partially submerged in mud created by a recent rainstorm, which is why Gumshoe is currently pushing at the back bumper.]_

 _ **["Mr. Edgeworth, mind telling me how you got your car stuck in the mud again**_ **?"** _Gumshoe asks, grunting and heaving as he tries to get his superior's car back on the road.]_

 _ **["I don't want to talk about it, Gumshoe…"**_ _Edgeworth sighs with a slow shake of his head_. _**"Let's just say that driving 70 mph while having a phone call with Franziska is a bad combination. But luckily for us, while you were traveling here, I called California Car Club to send down a tow truck. So if your efforts are fruitless, then worry not; for help shall be here in no time. In fact, I think I see the rescue party now."**_ _The maroon-cladded prosecutor smirks as he points to an oncoming tow truck which stops near the car.]_

 _[However, Edgeworth's joy is short-lived when he learns who's driving the tow truck.]_

 _ **["Don't worry, Edgey-poo! I'll save you!"**_ _Oldbag squeals as she exits her vehicle.]_

 _ **["Noooo! Why won't you leave me alone!?"**_ _Edgeworth shrieks, reeling back in horror._ _ **"Keep pushing, Gumshoe! I'll be damned if I'm stuck on this godforsaken road with this decrepit harpy!"]**_

 _ **["Don't be so coy, Edgey-poo!"**_ _Oldbag chirps, blushing as she raises her clenched fists._ " _ **You don't have to play hard to get with me because…"]**_

* * *

Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!  
We'll have the sweetest whoopee you knew

* * *

 _ **["Nnnnnggghhhhhoooooooo!"**_ _Edgeworth screams, his saucer-sized eyes filled with terror as he repeatedly slams his foot on the gas pedal, but to no avail.]_

* * *

Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!  
We'll kiss and snuggle all night  
Come on, Edgey-poo, I see you,  
Trying to get that restraining order  
But you're not fooling me, 'cause I can see,  
What those bedroom eyes will deliver

* * *

You know we've got a real connection  
So Ima make Edgey's loins quake!  
Also, ache!

* * *

 _ **["Push, Gumshoe, push! Push as if your life depends on it!"**_ _Edgeworth screams at Gumshoe, prompting the scruffy detective to push even harder on the car's back bumper.]_

* * *

And, Edgey-poo, if you're nice,  
You'll get yourself a special clambake.

* * *

Edgey-wedgey-poo, I need you!  
You're looking so dapper and strong.  
If you return my love, Edgey-poo,  
We'll do many things that seem wrong!

* * *

 _[As if the universe heard Edgeworth's pleas for help and decided to throw him a bone, Gumshoe finally manages to push his superior's car back onto the road, allowing for the maroon-cladded prosecutor to speed away like a bat out of hell.]_

* * *

 _ **["Edgey-poo, wait for me!"**_ _Oldbag squeals as she rushes back to her tow truck and drives after one of the many loves of her life in hot pursuit.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 26**

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** When it comes to dry, dark humor and sharp, sarcastic comebacks, no one can beat Blackquill. One of his crowning moments in that regard was when Aristotle Means morphed from his calm persona into his crazed teacher mindset, treating the courtroom like a classroom as he yelled and threw chalk, to which Simon responded by being that rebellious student that refused to respond when asked a question. But let's also not forget each and every one of Simon's interactions with Nahyuta, which were like breaths of fresh air.

 **JP:** FYI the second Trilogy is all available on your favorite Apple or Android device now, depending on where you live! But yes Simon's sarcasm is epic... it was the only saving grace for me in the otherwise tedious case 4 SOJ! (on the plus side, it also spurned my BlackMahdi shipping…)

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** When it comes to Kristoph's prison life, I think that he was able to garner a great deal of popularity as the guy who disbarred Phoenix, essentially striking down the attorney who put most of them there. Good thing Phoenix never had to investigate Central Prison like Edgeworth did; otherwise he wouldn't make it out alive. As for the shower, I'd say that it's like Kristoph's second home in prison; because knowing our favorite dildo-flavored creepsicle, when it's shower time, he waits in the shadows for the perfect time to strike, just like when he killed Zak.

 **JP:** I remember not hating this movie but I cannot remember any songs from it whatsoever including this one that my partner brilliantly parodied I at least vaguely remembered Mother Knows Best and the contacts but I could not remember for the life of me why these criminals were singing about their dreams, though of course now it will never leave my mind since _Señor Dildo Grande_ was the starring role!

Also, it's good to have you back your presence has been missed, _querido lector!_ 😊

 **Chapter 27**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP** : The Fey shipping waters run deep! I like to think Pearly got her die-hard romantic streak from Maya, the latter who idolizes the Steel Samurai so much because she was always hoping some mighty heroic figure I would rescue her someday like he always does for the Pink Princess...er, wait a second... 😉

 **CT:** I guess trying to ship your big sister with a coworker- or in Pearl's case, a cousin who's like a big sister- is a Fey family tradition alongside trying to murder annoy who's in your way.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** Kill my DILF?! Bite your tongue, good sir! He's already suffered character assassination enough in Apollo Justice, prompting me to write and now nearly 200 chapter story trying to clear his good name! His desecration shall not be compounded! 😝

other than that I see some wonderful prospects including the ones you mentioned for the next game did you know that game 6 was supposed to be featured around the mafia storyline with Phoenix being forced to defend a guilty mafia boss? it would be very exciting if they ended up using that for game 7 and brought back some beloved characters while they're at it!

I was too lazy to get my doctorate in Psychology but I'm fascinated by the human mind and how little of it current-generation seem to use! Hee!

that being said, even though Mia may have thought she had his number from the start, she probably fell for what a great lawyer in person Diego was underneath all the sweet talk, since he was the one who taught her the epic lesson of a lawyer never cries until it's over and to keep smiling. I use that as my own personal defense of his character any time people start throwing shade at Godot!

 **CT:** Considering how much backlash Capcom got for turning Phoenix into a snarky, nonchalant, hobo-looking card shark in "Apollo Justice", they would never give him the Mia treatment, lest they want an angry mob trying to break down their door. That's why if Athena gets her own trilogy, I could perhaps see Phoenix being her assistant, balancing out her energy and ambition with his years of experience both in the courtroom and dealing with Maya.

The only reason why Phoenix was able to make any progress with cases where Franziska was prosecuting was that he knew that while there was a time to object and present evidence, there was also a time to stand down so as not to be whipped into unconsciousness. However, Athena's not like that. She's a young, ambitious, energetic girl who refuses to let people bully her. So a trial involving both Athena and Franziska would essentially boil down to a battle between the unstoppable force and the unmovable object, essentially devolving into a screaming match with lots of whipping and psychological analysis.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** I'm not familiar with that song milady, but I'd be happy to take a look at it. _Hunchback_ is a very underrated Disney and considering we had the darkest song from the movie (and perhaps THE darkest Disney tune, ever!) featured already, it would be nice to focus on a lighter point of that story!

That being said, indeed Matt was a wonderfully awful villain! If you can think of a song that suits him, feel free to suggest it!

 **CT:** Thank you for your wonderful words! I'm glad that you're enjoying these parodies as much as we do writing them. As for your request, we'll see what we can do with it.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Mia threw coffee in your face? Is that where you got your inspiration forever handy weapon of choice whenever agitated, Señor Java? Jajaja!

I like the idea that your kitten was no easy wooing task, and made you work to sheath those claws of hers, although no doubt she was worth it and the two of you will always be the sexiest couple in Ace Attorney history! Yes, Mia was a wonderful Meg although let's be honest she was much hotter especially since her waist wasn't the thickness of my wrist! 😝

 **CT:** But alas, fate had different plans when Dahlia decided to add that "special" ingredient to that cup of coffee and when Redd decided to silence Mia permanently with the Thinker clock. Though for what it's worth, while short, the relationship between Diego and Mia was filled with love and happiness- romantic dates at coffee houses, cuddling on a couch and laughing at ridiculous courtroom dramas, and nights where they'd be working late in the law firm to prepare for a big case, giving each other encouragement as Grossberg toots out the tune of Haddaway's "What is Love?" with the help of his hemorrhoids.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I find a lot of the movies after Aladdin from the 90s time tend to have been overlooked even though they were hysterically funny, although maybe not as gorgeous animation Hercules, and Emperor's New Groove and Tarzan come to mind, and in the case of Hercules and Tarzan it's really a shame they aren't going to know that because they had some really great songs! Would you believe I still have one or two more signs from Hercules coming up? I loved how mad was not your typical starry-eyed / doe-eyed heroine she had some experience and was rightfully jaded, and you find yourself rooting for them in hopes that he can restore her Rose Colored Glasses. I don't think Mia would have had a lengthy love history in her all too short time on Earth (I'd like to think Diego with her one and only true love) but she definitely didn't strike me as naive and was very savvy despite coming from a secluded village... I would think she would have been wary of the ultra-smooth Rico Suave but who could resist the silver tongue of such a _papi chulo_? 😝

 **CT:** I know how you feel. "Hercules" is one of my favorite Disney films in terms of characters and songs. Hades had several moments that were comedic, as well as made him quite the menacing villain, and Meg broke the standard Disney princess mold by not falling head over heels for Hercules at first glance nor starting out as good friends, but rather someone who developed feelings of affection over time. Their relationship felt natural, rather than the typical situation of them beating around the bush and making their relationship becoming romantic just a matter of time.

Knowing Mia and her… figure, she probably got hit on by practically every guy under the sun, from timid and nerdy to arrogant and meat-headed. So when she started working for Grossberg and she had to deal with Diego and all of his flirting and teasing, Mia probably just wrote him off as just another smooth-talking perve who was only interested in her for her looks. However, after the events of "Turnabout Beginnings", Mia's opinion towards Diego changed when he helped her cope with Terry's suicide and assisted her in trying to bring Dahlia to justice, showing her that he liked her for who she was.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** I figure a little Pearl must have gotten the shipping genes from somewhere and Maya teasing big sister how about her romance with a certain Latino hunk was definitely the preliminary karma than set into motion for her baby cousin to someday be teasing her about her own special someone!

I totally forgotten that Lana and Mia were best friends at one point and she's such an often forgotten character I like throwing her in the mix whenever I can! 😊

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** _De rien mon cher...Pas de problème, parce que le français est une si belle langue, aussi!_

To my knowledge, the romance languages, in no particular order, are considered to be French, Spanish and Italian.

However, while I personally am a sucker for any sexy accent... I will count any of the British Isles and Australian as well... I honestly believe Spanish to be the most beautiful out _los tres idiomas románticos_ and picture Diego and his silver tongue while wooing his kitten sounding like Antonio Banderas in his Puss in Boots voice! 😉

There's is a reason me and my partner make such a great duet I originally was going to have Ace Phaya shipper, little Pearl, be the other part of the teasing duo but CT suggested Lana which actually made sense since she and Mia were actually best friends and she would have been privy to knowing how she felt about Diego deep down, as well as the fact that little Pearl would have been too young when me I was alive to really have grasped what was going on.

That being said, it's hilarious that you mentioned Pearl being part of karmic retribution and continuing the tradition by being the one to then torture Maya about Phoenix down the line, because that was exactly what I was thinking was the case! 😛

I am delighted that you enjoyed your dedication... So much but I will say it thrice...

 _Comme toujours le plaisir est à moi!_

 _Como siempre, el gusto es mío!_

 _Come sempre il piacere è mio!_


	29. I Can Help Defend Them

_JP: Continuing on a Hercules roll, we now have another Mia-inspired song, by Nick mercifully ending his whinging, cringing Feenie days as he vows to prove to the woman who'd saved his neck from the gallows in court that day how the "P" on his sweater IS only for "Phoenix!"_

 _Dedicated to loyal readers and friends, Ariastella and TheFreelancerSeal._

 _CT: Considering when this parody takes place, it really shows how Mia really helped Phoenix mature, since mere minutes ago he was in his "Dollie doesn't poop!" mentality. I bet dollars to doughnuts that Mia never let Phoenix live that trial down when he was working for her, bringing up that memorable quote and how he ate that bottle necklace whenever he thought he knew better than her. Though speaking of which, I bet Phoenix's next trip to the bathroom was mentally scarring, which would explain why he's so obsessed with keeping the office toilet clean._

* * *

 **"I Can Help Defend Them"** **  
(Sung to the tune of "(I Can) Go the Distance"  
From Walt Disney's ****_Hercules)_**

* * *

As a young student  
I fell far from grace  
Till a legal hero  
Came and saved me  
And the courts became  
Such a wondrous place  
Inner voice keeps singing  
This will be my destiny

* * *

I'll be there someday  
I can help defend them  
She will guide my way  
Help me to be strong  
I know every trial  
Will be worth my while  
I will do most anything  
 _Objections_ will be my song

* * *

 _[Mia_ : **_You're going to be something, Phoenix. I'll always believe in you.]_**

* * *

I won't lag or stray  
I can help defend them  
I'll work really hard  
Although the path is long  
I won't lose my smile  
That's not defense style  
I will prove to the whole world  
That law's where I belong

* * *

I'll win NOT GUILTY's  
I can help defend them  
Show solid proof  
When prosecution's wrong  
I'll make Mia proud  
I can help defend them  
I'll get my lawyer's badge  
Cuz court's where I belong!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 28**

 **FSOA**

 **CT:** To answer your question, one thing Oldbag can't do is be a character that we actually want to see… unless, of course, we want to see Edgeworth freak out like there's no tomorrow. But yeah, I almost made myself a little sick while writing some of the lyrics, specifically the part with Oldbag's special clambake.

 **JP:** The geriatric stalker's unremitting pursuit of Miles Edgeworth… _Ad nauseam…_ was proven to be _literal_ by your review! Hee! Also for the record no, there is absolutely nothing that woman can or won't do when it comes to trying to land her Edgey poo! And because I'm a horrible person, I thought I would help out with the vomitorium process by giving you this following scenario: Wendy Oldbag, attempting her latest seduction… Whilst twerking in a lime green bikini! _Gern geschehen!_

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** If you take NicoB's Edgeworth voice and Let's Dub Project's Oldbag voice, then you're really onto something.

 **JP:** I have heard a lot about and briefly checked out NicoB's channel, and considering its popularity, it's high praise indeed to have anything in me and my partner come up with be considered on par level of adorable hilarity! Mercy buckets!

 **Yanmegaman**

 **CT:** And instead of Oldbag angrily exclaiming, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids," she's chasing after Edgeworth while trying to setup a lunch date with him.

 **JP:** Indeed, the unmasking of old lady Oldbag at the end of the Scooby Doo episode would prove that there are some scary ass creatures who one runs away from while shrieking, which prove to be even _scarier_ when they're _out_ of the monster costume! XD

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Those are some great ideas and we will definitely see what we can do with them.

 **JP:** I'm pretty sure Edgy would rather be crushed by Kaa himself, or thrown off the Notre Dame bell tower rather than fall into the slithering clutches of that relentless septuagenarian! (Or would you say octogenarian?) Either way, the answer is _eweth_!

Thankyouverymuch for the song suggestions, milady. I'm really glad to have a good list of some ideas to work with since (song!) villainy is hardly my specialty! I love the ideas. Also… when it comes to the unlikely (but harmonically sound!) duet of me and CT, all I can say is expect the unexpected! I hope we can always entertain our readers and keep them pleasantly surprised! J

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** The complaint that "Apollo Justice" spits in the face of the original trilogy with how they depict Phoenix is one of the reasons why Kristoph is one of my favorite villains in the series. Sure, Phoenix has faced many dastardly villains who have physically and emotionally scarred him, but none of them- not even Dahlia- were able to break him. Sure, Phoenix was devastated by what Matt and Dahlia were doing to Maya, but in the end, their evil ways weren't enough to make him stray from his path. However, Kristoph, with his meticulous planning and extreme paranoia, left Phoenix with so few options to clear his name that he had to resort to doing the very thing that he was trying to prove himself innocent of: forging evidence in the form of that bloody ace that he had Trucy give Apollo- similar to what Kristoph had done seven years prior. This is why Kristoph instantly assumed that Phoenix wanted revenge for losing his badge- Kristoph figured that Phoenix had finally uncovered the truth and was following the old philosophy of "an eye for an eye", stooping down to his level to ruin his life in the exact same manner he himself used all those years ago.

As for the "Ace Attorney Investigations: Franziska von Karma" idea, I'd say that instead of having Phoenix legitimately believe that his guilty client is innocent- because knowing Phoenix, the second he discovers his client is guilty, he drops the case- is to have him instead be extorted into defending someone he knows committed the crime in question. I know that it's an idea that has been done twice before, but it's the only way to do such a scenario while keeping to Phoenix's normal character.

 **JP:** If they were to use your proposed mafia idea with Phoenix defending an actual guilty mob boss with Franziska (yay!) as his opponent, it would be wonderful and it could clearly be played out with him being entirely clueless are bamboozled like he was with Matt Engarde, or being blackmailed like he was in Spirit of Justice or something along those lines so he doesn't become another Despicable Me version of himself like he was in Apollo Justice! Agreed the fourth game which is often seen as the red-haired stepchild of the Ace Attorney series is not necessarily a bad game, but if they're going to pass off the torch to next generation, they could've utilized older members a bit better, or at least not pretended that neither Maya nor Miles ever existed which was the other reason that prompted me to write my nearly 200 word chapter mini-musical disguised a fan fiction! I would welcome back Godot with open arms as well, and think your ideas, if not snapped up in the next Capcom game would surely make rather interesting fanfictions! Indeed Oldbag is delusional, and also completely shameless hussy, since I have read the Ace Attorney canon trivia about the character and she is actually married (she does have on a wedding ring!) and apparently has a grown son! The horror! How dare she try to make the dignified Miles Edgeworth be _the other man!_

Glad you liked the chapter! J

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Considering how similar Mia and Lana are, as well as the fact that they were good friends, the question isn't if Mia told Lana about her feelings about Diego, but how much the future Chief Prosecutor teased her over it. In terms of Lana's voice, I see hers as being similar to Ema's from the cutscene in "Spirit of Justice" where Ema tells Nahyuta that Apollo's the attorney for Trucy's trial, though not as warm and a bit more calm and collected.

Knowing Edgeworth, he probably has enacted at least three restraining orders against his crazed geriatric stalker, but this is Oldbag we're talking about. She could be arrested from now until the end of time, but that won't stop her from relentlessly pursuing her Edgey-poo.

To answer your question- yes, Alba's "Scooby-Doo" reference did pop into my head, along with the image of Edgeworth, Kay, Larry, and Ema dressed as Fred, Daphne, Shaggy, and Velma, respectively. As for Gumshoe, I see him as Scooby, though I would rather not have those thoughts in my mind since they involve him being buck naked.

 **JP:** apparently I forgot about Romania and Portuguese in the romance language list, (a crime since two of my siblings wed Portuguese!) which is possibly because I am part Italian, and at one point (alas, use it or lose it!) Spoke beyond mere conversational French and Spanish which is probably why those were the three that popped into my head! (Although if you look at the graphs and statistics your native tongue is by far considered to be the most lyrical of the lot!)

I'm pretty sure the woman is dead at this point, so she was at least _tan viejo como bolas_ in the original trilogy timeline and it's been 12 years since the first game timeline! However, it's funny with Oldbag it just like Lotta Hart, you either love her or hate her there is no in between personally I like seeing Miles Edgeworth a little bit rattled beyond his normal stoic demeanor, (maybe he's not filed a completely legitimate harassment case against her because he doesn't mind the admiration…albeit, at a distance, since he keeps her monthly sent flowers in his office?!) and she was made a lot more likable in the anime so I cannot find myself to despise her although I can sympathize with his cringing at her admiration since she is literally old enough to be his _abuela_ , and then initially told the courts they could _literally_ call her _grandma_! (It gives the term _"Yee-haw! Give it to grandma!"_ a whole new disturbing meaning… _N'est-ce pas?)_

Also, that _thing_ I asked for… I am very much looking forward to it! ;)


	30. You're Only Third Rate

_CT: Fitting, a parody of a song from a third-rate sequel for a third-rate "Ace Attorney" villain. Too bad they didn't have Wellington sing something like this in "The Lost Turnabout". Otherwise, he could have actually been memorable._

 _JP: How fitting that a lackluster villain/large banana enthusiast stars in one of the most ho-hum Disney movies of all – the beast that began the horrible, shudder-worthy chain of (mostly direct to video!) sequel! LemonSmoothie I hope you enjoy your request - because my co-pilot managed to make the parody more enjoyable and hopefully memorable than the film/original song!_

* * *

 ** _"You're Only Third-Rate"  
_** **(Sung to the tune of "You're Only Second-Rate"  
from Disney's ****_Return of Jafar_** **)**

I must confess,  
Your bluffs are quite comedic.  
I wager you'll say that the Earth is flat.

* * *

Now here's your chance to expose me,  
Hope your evidence is feasible.  
Come, Attorney,  
Are you reasonable?

* * *

You've tried to press my testimony,  
But you've just come off as a big phony.  
To this court, I'll elate,  
I must advocate,  
You're only third-rate!

* * *

You think you've got a shot,  
But you're firing a blank.  
How you got this far,  
You've only got luck to thank.  
So just so you know,  
It's no debate,  
You're only third-rate!

* * *

Plebes quail,  
At the scale,  
Of my genius!  
Colleges vie for my mighty first-rate mind.

* * *

But if you doubt my wondrous splendor,  
You've doomed your client friend!  
Because this trial will soon come to a painful end!

* * *

Go ahead and slam me with your turnabout,  
Mock my eyesight,  
Use a glove that's all worn out.  
It'll be a cinch to deflate,  
It's just your fate,  
You're only third-rate!

* * *

You see, your reasoning is paper-thin,  
And you lack the mental capacity to win.  
To your case, I'll negate,  
As I restate,  
You're only third-rate!

* * *

Pourquoi tu as triste?  
Because you'll be begging on your knees!  
Tu ne connais pas,  
How your cross-examination is one big gaffe!

* * *

So spare me your finger-pointing,  
For it's rather quite disappointing.  
And I can barely wait,  
To declare this checkmate!  
Your case has been roasted,  
And served on a plate!  
You'd make a better living,  
Selling fishing bait!  
You're only third-rate!

* * *

 ** _["Very well, Mr. Wellington."_** The Judge states with a nod of his head, as if this is an everyday occurrence for him. ** _"Mr. Wright, would you care to cross-examine the witness?"_** **]**

 ** _["S-Sure…"_** Phoenix stutters, hunched over as a few beads of sweat drip down his brow.]

 ** _Translations:_**

 ** _"Pourquoi tu as triste?" = "Why are you sad?"  
"Tuneconnais pas." = "You don't know."_**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 28**

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** Poor Edgeworth, indeed. While his aloof personality and chiseled good looks may drive all the ladies wild, making him the envy of every guy, they are a mixed blessing in that they also make him a giant target to Oldbag. To quote the collie from "Psychonauts", "It's like being forced to wear a golden robe with a diamond 'kick me' sign on the back."

 **JP:** _Miles: I have tried, but words fail to describe the immeasurable suffering she has caused me so I'm reduced to…_ _ **Nnnghhhooooh!**_

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Given how several other readers share your stomach-churning sentiments regarding Oldbag, I think it's safe to say that the next time she sings in one of these parodies we'll be posting a warning in the A/N.

As for the idea of murdering Oldbag, while it's good in theory, I don't think it would work on account of the fact that I legitimately feel that she can't die. Edgeworth could fire round after round of bullets into Oldbag, but she'd just continue flirting with him and ranting about the youths of today as if nothing's happening. Heck, if we don't want her around, what makes you think that Death would? He's probably come for Oldbag's soul several times over the course of series, but every time he tries to take her soul, she goes into one of her endless rants and he just gives up, goes back to the Great Beyond, and downs a bottle of aspirin like it's Tic Tacs.

 **JP:** the wicked witch of the witness stand is not only bad for Edgeworth's head, but his _chest_ as well!

 _Miles: I had a bad feeling before, but this just made it official. Nngh... This is bad for my heart..._

 **Chapter 29**

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I read your works milady you're more creative than a give yourself credit for! Also, there are no words to describe the happiness you give me and my copilot with your everlasting kind words of praise and encouragement. :-)

 **CT:** Don't be so hard on yourself. We value every reader's ideas just as much as we do our own. Heck, some of my best work was done because of suggestions from fans like yourself. Once again, we are truly touched that we are able to bring you so much joy with these parodies.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I'll see about taking a crack at _Darkwing Duck_ and some of if those others….though I can tell you now, I LOVE the _Ducktales_ theme song! If that was a request, consider it done! Still Disney after all, right? J

 **CT:** When it comes to these parodies, the sky's the limit. So with that said, any of those songs could very well be something that we cover sometime in the future.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** the majority of these movies I have actually gone and watched again, or in some cases, for the first time like _Mulan_ and I have actually halted the movie where my parodies have come up and song my version over the lyrics because I am a gigantic nerd so who am I to judge? As for confidence boost, right before a job interview or any other sort of daunting scenario, I tend to scream my full name out along with _I'm fine. "I'm fine! My name is JordanPhoenix, and I'm fine!"_ It's got a 75% success rate in actually landing the gigs in question, but I hundred percent success rate in confidence boosting, so there you go I just proved I'm a double dweeb! XD

The parallels of Phoenix and Hercules have not been lost on me… And one thing I loved about the anime was actually seeing Phoenix's reaction initial reaction to seeing Mia and Maya's body a much more understated but pretty comical counterpart to Hercules his reaction when that statue came to life! I'm glad this parody wasn't scarring! J

 **CT:** Don't worry, we're not judging. After all, we've all done things when we were kids that we kind of regret in retrospect. We're glad that we managed to do a song you cherish so much justice. If you think about it, Phoenix has come a long way from the first game. After all, we first saw him as a no-name greenhorn defense attorney who only had a few wins under his belt that he couldn't have done without Mia's help from beyond the grave; and now, over a decade later, Phoenix is a legend in the field and has trained two stellar protégés to keep Mia's philosophy alive and well.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** The creepsicle dildo while being my most despised villain with possibly the worst motive in Ace Attorney history, was indeed a good one - after all, he did fire me up enough to dedicate a whole fan fiction and clearing up the besmirched name of the man he hath wronged!

Simon Keyes/Blaise are very underrated but we can blame that on the lack of localization! The one thing I will say in defense of Klavier who I'm generally neutral about as a character and only truly like when being shipped with Ema is that the poor guy has gone through so much I can't believe anyone would see him as a Gary Stu character… Losing his band, his brother, his BFF and his mentor I think more than atones for his blind faith in Bitchtoff which resulted Nick losing his badge… Therefore I really wish he played a better role in Dual Destinies although seeing Athena's reaction to him was cute (was kinda disappointed in the voice actor though he sounded way too soft-spoken and American for me I've always pictured a German accent for him) but at least Pearl had a bigger role in DD than she did in Spirit of Justice with the whale case! I love the entire Fey clan and will take what I can get! (Although that letter from Maya was a pure gyp!) As for Edgeworth I will always welcome him with open arms for matter how brief his cameo because him and Phoenix together is always double the hunk fix and usually double the laughter the way they play off each other! A few of the storylines have already been done and recycled, sure, like Phoenix being under duress because my I was kidnapped again in SOJ, but they do still find ways to keep us guessing with their big reveals… The whole thing with Daddy Dragon in game six was on par for me with the Godot reveal in game three!

Mia may be gone but is never forgotten, and one of the things I love this project of ours for is that I get to pay her proper homage since she helped make Phoenix the man he is! I'm so happy you like this parody thank you! :-)

 **CT:** While your idea for that mob boss case is interesting, it's a bit too similar to "Farewell, My Turnabout". Though since this is "Ace Attorney Investigations: Franziska" we're talking about, the idea could work if Phoenix is trying to delay the trial in court while Franziska searches for clue. However, as you stated, the player would be put on a time limit and would get a bad ending if time runs out. This would really spice up the typically slow-pace area searches and logic deductions, as well as make the player feel more invested in the story.

When it comes to characters making appearances in games after the one they debut in, I feel that it shouldn't be done just because we want to see them again, but because the character also serves a purpose that only they can do. For example, I loved Larry's role in "Turnabout Time Traveler" because he not only serves as a good source of comedic relief, but because he poses a unique challenge in that he's both an ally by giving you crucial evidence, though it may seem useless at first, while also being an obstacle in that you have to power through his stupidity when he's completely halting the trial and/or investigation. Though on the other end of the spectrum, I hate Klavier's cameo in "Turnabout Academy". Klavier does so little to contribute to the plot. All he does is come in, goes up against Apollo in a little mock trial, and then fades into the background, only to return after everything's done to sing a song with Juniper. You'd think that Klavier would make an effort to prosecute Juniper's case on account of the victim is this teacher that he respected so much, or that he'd try to be an assistant at one point or another, but apparently he felt confident in trusting the case to a prosecutor who spent seven years on death row.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** Athena, Simon, and Edgeworth in the john?! Sounds like some kinky, weird-ass bathroom porn!

 **CT:** It warms my heart to know that our parodies can help make even the most unpleasant of household chores bearable.

I don't think there's a single person that actually likes cleaning bathroom, so I think it's safe to say that Edgeworth and Simon wouldn't mind someone doing that task for them. However, if either Edgeworth or Simon found Athena cleaning their toilets willingly, I think they'd be a little suspicious and quickly assume that she's doing it just so that the prosecution won't put up that much of a fight when her next trial comes around.


	31. Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

_JP: Following the trail of a fourth-rate criminal of a third-rate film, sung by a second-rate Disney villain, it gives me much pleasure to cover the criminally underrated, first-rate detective pal to all, Gumshoe! With the wonderful reception we got for my partner's TV parodies, I'm hoping to be so lucky with my own take of our third television theme song, this one from the iconic, ever-catchy DuckTales series, as requested by **DJJ680**. In spite of being Canadian guys, I am **not** apologizing for any lingering earworms this song causes! (Feel free to sing along loud and proud to this one – everybody knows the timeless melody!) :)_

 _CT: Scrooge McDuck is the world's richest duck, so how about we tackle the other end of the spectrum and focus on the world's poorest detective? With how Gumshoe remains so determined and happy-go-lucky despite everything he's been through, he more than deserves his own theme song._

* * *

 ** _"Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)_** "  
 **Sung to the theme tune of Disney's  
** ** _DuckTales (2017)_**

["Stop being such a stick in the mud, Edgeworth!" Phoenix cajoled the unsmiling prosecutor. "You know that I know that you know that I know that you at least _owe_ _this much_ to your subordinate!"]

["Come on, Mr. Edgeworth!" Maya coaxed, nudging the cravat-wearing man in the ribs. "It's not like our pal is asking for much in return for saving the day… Just one little theme song to be sung in his honor!"

["I refuse to partake in such cockamamie nonsense, Miss Fey." Edgeworth stubbornly folded his arms across his chest, his granite expression resembling one of the stone faces of Mount Rushmore. "I am most grateful to Detective Gumshoe for saving the day by giving you two the metal detector, which ended up convicting Manfred Von Karma. However, I am an esteemed High Prosecutor, hence must maintain the dignity of my office…"]

[Gumshoe simply eyed affixed his superior with the mother of all wounded puppy dog expressions, prompting Edgeworth to finally shut his eyes and heave a long-suffering sigh.]

["Very well. Perhaps … I can sing the _background chorus_ if it pleases you all…"]

["Perfect!" Maya chirped, thrusting the karaoke microphone at him. "Nick, Larry and I will do all the main verses… All _you_ need to do in the background is sing _'_ _Gumshoe… (Whoooooop!)'_ alright?"]

["Whoooooop! Detective Gumshooooe?" Edgeworth looked pained. "I feel so bloody foolish…]

["Too late, Edgey!" Larry guffawed loudly, clapping the stoic man on the back. "You've already agreed to it!"]

["Also, it's not ' _Whoooooop! Detective Gumshooooe'_ , Edgeworth." Phoenix smirked at his courtroom rival. "It's _**Gumshoe…** **(Whoooooop!)"]**_

["How nice of you to clarify the order, Wright. That's now _much_ more dignified!"]

["Let's rock this place!" Maya cut in, winking at the beaming, scruffy flatfoot in the audience as she grabbed her mike. "Gumshoe, pal, this one's for _you_!"]

* * *

Life is pure financial strain  
Under Edgeworth  
Investigating every day  
Crimes to unearth!  
Living on Ramen  
Is the plight of this lawman

* * *

Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Day by day he's chasing bad guys  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Leaking privy deets to defense  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

* * *

(Whoooooop!)

* * *

Just when crook's about to leave  
And go walk free  
Finds last-minute evidence  
Proof he's GUILTY!

* * *

Stumbles along the way  
But always saves the day!

* * *

Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Day by day he's chasing bad guys  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Leaking privy deets to defense  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

* * *

(Whoooooop!)

* * *

He's a bumbler that's nothing new  
But a true pal, loyal to you!  
In the end, we love that big lug

* * *

Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

* * *

Day by day he's chasing bad guys  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Leaking privy deets to defense  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

* * *

Day by day he's chasing bad guys  
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)  
Leaking privy deets to defense  
Villains all fail, justice prevails  
Dick Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 11**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Lyn! How's my favorite funny lady? No worries that you're behind, all that matters is that the author of the most awesome self-insert fanfiction in this entire fandom still takes the time to read and enjoy me and my copilot's geeky attempts at being lyrical! All hail The Church of Klema, am I Wright? :p

 **Chapter 29**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Under the tutelage of the legendary Mia Fey, neither will Phoenix Wright, or anybody else who is fortunate enough to be mentored by him, as he will never let her legacy die. Also, if I actually knew how to create a montage on YouTube to this song, and had a voice worth mentioning I would _totally_ make it, making my obsession with 80s music complete!

P.S. _Señor Java, muchas gracias_ for teaching me a new phrase in your review… Although I must say it is _very_ impressive if Nick is even _greater_ than the sum of "his parts"… Have you _seen_ the cutscenes and fan art of said parts, especially that _culo_ of his? _Dios Mio!_ That shit just won't quit! XD

 **CT:** With how big a part Mia played in Phoenix's life, I wouldn't be surprised if she had thoughts similar to those in the parody every single day. But while Mia may have died an untimely death, she lives on in Phoenix's philosophies and Charley being the office mascot.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** I fully do believe there is no rest for the wicked, and in the promo video for Spirit of Justice it did show a two dimensional, old-school style drawn Wendy Oldbag popping up in court regarding the teaser for the wedding-related case… So I have no doubt that the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand still lives! As for the judge he was _born_ thirty-seven years old and bald – I cannot picture Jughead Chambers ever being young! I would actually love to see an Ace Attorney crossover with Edgeworth's geriatric stalker being the unmasked bad guy … If only because of the hilarious sound effects of him running away like a bat out of hell and the smoke trails he would leave in his wake! Also if you find Oldbag's obsessive admiration creepy… Wait till you get a load of what I have in store for readers with my upcoming villain song ;)  
(Just as you suggested, Thwomp and I are swapping roles _two_ more times!)

 **CT:** JusticeforNoOne: "Hercules" is one of those underrated films that seems to have it all- an engaging protagonist, a love interest that has actual character development, a villain that's both threatening and comedic, and even a musical number featuring Danny DeVito. What more could you ask for in a Disney film?  
If Oldbag was a recurring villain for the "Investigations" Mystery Gang, Edgeworth would be playing so many roles- being the leader like Fred, running away in terror like Shaggy and Scooby, and getting kidnapped like Daphne on those numerous occasions when she catches up to him.

 **Chapter 30**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** I'll tell you what happened. Disney had a popular film and they wanted to make more money off it; hence, an unnecessary and lackluster sequel was born into the world.  
In the first two games, the first cases were just throwaways designed to teach you the controls and game mechanics- a philosophy that extended to the villains. Seriously, the only interesting thing about Wellington is that he has the ego of Redd White and the chattiness of Oldbag. But then came "Trials and Tribulations", in which Capcom came to the realization that they could not only use the first case to teach us how to play the game, but also to start a much bigger arching story. So while Dahlia may be a conniving, backstabbing temptress who we'd rather see fall off of a burning bridge over Phoenix, we can't deny her role in making first cases, and the villains behind them, actually memorable.

 **JP:** my general consensus about Disney sequels/sequels in general, is that they are lamer than a three-legged horse and Barry Manilow combined! _Return of Jafar_ was no exception, but I have a particular hate boner for this film not only because of the lackluster voice acting/storyline but because it was the sequel which kicked off the never-ending chain of crappy part 2's… Most of which are _number two_ in more ways than one (with the possible exception being the Toy Story franchise) I did like how Dahlia and Kristoph (the ultimate match made in hell!) Were the exceptions to the typical forgettable first case bad guy syndrome, those two are truly in a league of their own which is why so many people ship them!

The out-there parody will be one of my two upcoming villain songs, I am still wrestling with who I'm going to use to fulfill milady's request, but I do know it's going to be a challenge since I'm so used to writing fluff! Stay tuned!

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** Even though we don't know really anything about Kristoph and Klavier's relationship before the events of the latter's first trial, it's clear by how Klavier reacted when it was revealed that Daryan was a killer that once he trusts someone, he's loyal to them until the bitter end. So by that extent, it makes sense that Klavier told Apollo, "How could I pass up a chance to see the true strength of the little boy who bested my brother?" when they first met in court. Klavier was in denial that Kristoph had done anything wrong, believing that Apollo used his wits to throw him under the bus in order to save his own client. However, in "Turnabout Succession", Klavier finally starts to come to terms with what kind of monster his brother is in how he becomes anxious and emotional from the time Kristoph enters the courtroom up until the big "Wrrrrriiiiiiiggggghhhht!" breakdown.

When it comes to Edgeworth, I feel that it's perfectly reasonable that they bring him in only during final cases and the occasional DLC because he's such a beloved fan-favorite character that they just can't not include him, but they have to do so in a way that doesn't result in him usurping the spotlight or, even worse, wearing out his welcome.

On the topic of ideas for "Investigations 3", the game could actually show Sebastian's journey as a prosecutor after the events of "Investigations 2". For not only would it allow for Sebastian to get some much needed time as a semi-competent prosecutor, but it could also allow for us to see how Phoenix's disbarment impacted the Prosecutor's Office and a different side of Klavier since he and Sebastian would have to at the very least be familiar with each other since they were both in the prosecutor's course and graduated at the top of their class at Themis.

 **JP** : Have you noticed that in Ace Attorney those who truly have nothing to be arrogant about being the most insufferable?Dick Wellington is up there with the wannabe Joker from DD in that regard. About Klavier… I wonder if the fop's age was a big factor in his naivety in blindly trusting Bitchtoff, as he was only 17. As much as there is the adage about the _arrogance of youth,_ there's also the _ignorance of youth_ as well to take into mind. It never occurred to me to think of the banana enthusiast as being comparable to the insufferable AA Trump incarnate… To me, he looked more like a lighter skinned Michael Jackson although nowhere near as iconic since Phoenix wiped the floor with him even while suffering from amnesia!

If they ever did in AAI3 I would love to see what happened to Sebastian and Kay Faraday, but I would have to see the return of Detective Badd, even if we just find out he's retired and behind the scenes because I refuse to believe the ever awesome Uncle Ray allowed him to stay incarcerated!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** After reading your comment, I can picture Kristoph arriving in the prison after his arrest, only to be immediately be called fourth-rate by Wellington for being outwitted by Phoenix, which results in the Coolest Defense in the West losing his cool and laying down a first-rate smack down. That would explain why Kristoph was put into solitary confinement. Though if that doesn't make you feel better, you can take solace in that the highlight of Wellington's prison life consists of him making ceramic plates if "Everyone has Dreams" has anything to say about it.

 **JP:** I'm pretty sure Wellington will ultimately be eating banana flavored humble pie off his fourth-rate, ceramic plates for stupidly underestimating Phoenix, considering he still ended up coming out on top, in spite of a fire extinguisher amnesia injury!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT** : I'm really touched by your admiration. It takes a lot of hard work and time to write these parodies, but it's all worth it when we see readers such as yourself enjoying them.

When it comes to writing parodies, some advice I can give you is to fit the source material around the characters, and not the other way around. After all, it can be quite the challenge to find a scenario from the "Ace Attorney" series that perfectly matches, or even comes close to, the scene you're trying to parody. That's why it's usually a lot better, and a lot more fun, to generalize the situation and try to match the atmosphere while having the characters act like themselves.

 **JP:** rhyme zone dot com is the greatest site in the world for thinking how thing come up with rhymes while writing parodies and I swear by it! My other bit of advice on top of the great tips given to you by my partner is on top of trying to fit the source material around the characters and not vice versa, is to try really hard not to change the theme of the song too much. For example, we could have easily written a villain singing any of my fluffy songs of choice and manipulated the scenario to make it fit, ( _Through My Eyes_ for example if I were to make it about young Kristoph and Klavier growing up as brothers could possibly fit in the days before the creepsicle dildo became a homicidal maniac – don't worry I'm not going to use my most despised villain when I do your request!) but I wouldn't have tried to turn a love song like _Kiss The Girl_ into a song about a villain trying to _Kill The Girl,_ you know what I mean? I really do look forward to seeing what you come up with in your parody, milady!

 **FSOA**

 **CT:** I think that it's safe to say that no one ever liked Wellington or considered him first-rate at anything. Heck, even the developers saw him as third-rate since he's a tutorial villain whose sole purpose is to teach you the game mechanics. Not to mention, Wellington didn't even get the honor of being taken down by Phoenix when he's in his proper state of mind.

 **JP:** I am still disappointed his breakdown didn't include choking on a banana or slipping on one or just _something_ 'nana related since that's the only thing I remember his third-rate, forgettable ass for… His eerie Michael Jackson resemblance and his penchant for large, yellow tropical fruit! XD

 **LemonSmoothie**

 **CT:** Don't worry about not commenting on a few of our parodies. All that matters is that you're enjoying them. And as for Retinz's over the shoulder sweater, I think that it makes him look less silly and more like one of those pretentious snobs who's part of a country club and treats it like a house of worship while boasting how much money they have and belittling everyone that's beneath them. On second thought, that perfectly describes Retinz character, especially when you consider that he actually does fan himself with his money.  
But even though Retinz's plan was ironically stopped by Magnifi's grandson- though neither of them was aware of this fact- he'll at least have a friend in prison in the form of Kristoph. I can just imagine the two of them talking for hours on end about their unending hatred for the Gramaryes and reveling in Zak's murder, as well as assaulting Valant during rec time.

 **JP:** Better late than never, we appreciate you taking the time to drop a line and are so glad you're enjoying these parodies as much as we're enjoying writing them! :)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** This is the Judge we're talking about, a man who has handled countless trials over the course of many years in the "Ace Attorney" universe. If the Judge could get through cases that Manfred prosecuted and Gant was the lead detective for, then virtually nothing will surprise him in the courtroom outside animal testimonies and spirit channeling.  
I don't blame you for having a hard time remembering who Wellington is. When I first heard the song, the first thing that came to mind was having Sebastian waltzing into the Prosecutor's Office on his first day of work and singing it to everyone present; but that all changed after scrolling through a character list just to make sure I wasn't missing anyone and remembered Wellington and how often he referred to other people as third-rate. With how arrogant he is, as well as his choice in attire, I wouldn't be surprised if Capcom revealed that Wellington was somehow related to Redd White.  
 **  
JP:** At this point, I don't think anything could phase Jughead Chambers, who no doubt have come to expect nothing less than the unexpected after sitting through witness suicide, bomb detonation, and demon exorcisms in his courtroom! What's funny is he is a come across a sociopathic since he still get some of the best lines in the entire series such as his immediate epiphany that his wife's fingernails are red not because she was born this way Lady Gaga styles but because she uses nail varnish like the periwinkle piss head does, although hopefully not the toxic variety! Glad we could make you laugh pal because your reviews always make me smile!

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Given how the "Star Wars" series' soundtracks are designed for atmosphere and/or to convey strong emotions during a key moment and that "You're Only Second-Rate" is a lighthearted show tune created to help the viewer have fun while watching the film, I don't really think that they can be compared all that fairly. Though if "Star Wars" did have show tunes, I could picture Sidious singing a similar song to Yoda during their duel in "Revenge of the Sith"; or by Vader when fighting Obi-Wan in "A New Hope".

 **JP:** Since I never have nor ever will watch anything Star Wars related even if Jean Armstrong is threatening to wriggle around before me on the floor doused with his aromatic oils wearing nada but in a speedo (I'd be like Miles and _choose death!)…_ Yeah! What _he_ said!


	32. Never Collaborate with Blaise Debeste

_CT: A big thanks to LemonSmoothie for suggesting this song idea about our favorite despicable P.I.C. and his crocodile tears. This parody was such a blast to write, especially when I'd watch the video for the song and imagining Blaise moving and grinning exactly like Tick-Tock! Though speaking of Blaise, regarding our previous discussion about headcanon voices for him, Harry Shearer's Mr. Burns voice just entered my mind as a potential candidate._

 _JP: Those of you who haven't played Miles 2 will at least want to check out the images/video plays of the sole female judge in the AA universe, whose gravity-defying pneumatic chest which tends to accompany the noticeable extension of an already obscenely long… GAVEL, you pervs! Said Mia equivalent bust may have the same effect on men but is not to be all eclipsed by her OVERRULED! Catchphrase! Once again my partner brilliantly captures the evil of the pyromaniac with this brilliant parody of a song I'd forgotten about entirely about, pertaining a villain even more diabolical than a certain handless scallywag who wants to commit infanticide!_

* * *

 _ **"Never Collaborate with Blaise Debeste"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of "Never Smile at a Crocodile"  
from Disney's** ** _Peter Pan_**

 _[In the P.I.C. meeting room, Justine is alone as she organizes a few files to help Sebastian effectively handle the murder case of Horace Knightly. Sure, Sebastian may be a bit egotistical despite how… slow he is, but despite how irritating he can be, no one can deny that the boy pours his heart and soul into everything he does. So it's only fair to Sebastian that Justine displays the same determination in regards to helping him formulate a case that sounds at least semi-competent.]_

 _[But as Justine is busy looking over a few details, she is interrupted as Jill Crane enters the room.]_

* * *

 ** _["Ah, there you are, Judge Courtney. I've been meaning to talk to you,"_** _Jill states,  
closing the door behind her before walking over to her fellow P.I.C. member.]  
_

 ** _["About what?"_** _Justine asks, giving her colleague her full attention as she puts  
down the file that she's currently reading.]_

 ** _["It's about your current partnership…"_** _Jill scans the room,  
making sure that no one else is present._ _ **"With the boy."]**_

 ** _["Sebastian?"_** Justine questions, cocking her head off to the side in confusion.  
 ** _"I know that he may come across as a bit arrogant at times,  
but he's been developing as a prosecutor, albeit very slowly."]_**

 ** _["It's not the kid I'm worried about, it's you. By helping that kid  
with this case, you're getting dangerously close to his father."]_**

* * *

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
No one can be friends with Blaise Debeste.  
Don't ever fall for his crocodile tears,  
'Cause his evil truly has no rivals or peers.

* * *

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
He'll kill all you love with such great zest.  
With him don't have lunch, don't have tea,  
Say y'know, or y'see,  
'Cause there's no soul in that devil known as Blaise Debeste.

* * *

 ** _["I'm sorry. Isn't that what we had in mind when we joined the P.I.C.?  
We wanted to keep tabs on Blaise Debeste so that we could  
finally acquire the evidence needed to bring him to justice."]_**

 ** _["Yes, we can't avenge my beloved Jack without being in this den of evil,  
but there's such a thing as getting too close. It's one thing to attend meetings  
and talk about legalities with that weepy crocodile, but it's a whole different  
story when you're rubbing elbows with his mentally-challenged  
demon spawn. Blaise Debeste is like black hole- devoid  
of light and ensures that anything that gets too close to him is never seen again."]_**

 ** _["Ok, now you're overreacting."_** _Justine nonchalantly states with a stoic expression.]_

 ** _["Am I? Am I!?"_** Jill angrily exclaims with wide, unblinking eyes.  
 ** _"Jack had no relationship to Blaise whatsoever, yet he 'disappeared'  
simply because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time!  
You've seen how that psychopath treats his own son, so what makes you  
think he won't make you 'disappear' the second that  
little idiot completely botches everything up?"]_**

* * *

You can be stoic, no debate,  
And in intellect so very first-rate,  
But there's sometimes a special case, I shall place,  
To act on emotion.

* * *

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
So many people disappear because of Blaise Debeste.  
Don't lower your guard around that shark-toothed grin,  
'Cause that husk of a man is only filled with sin.

* * *

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
Or under a car, you'll surely be appressed.  
Don't trust that maniac, just run,  
Watch your back, not his son,  
'Cause there's not one shred of remorse in Blaise Debeste.

* * *

 ** _["Sebastian may be a bit of a slow learner, but he always puts 101 percent  
of his mind and body into whatever task he's given."_** _Justine retorts with a fierce glare.  
_ _ **"That's why I'm here- to organize the evidence and facts of the case in a  
way that will allow for Sebastian to succeed."]**_

 ** _["Trust me, Courtney; you'd be better off just chucking those files out the window._** " _Jill scoffs._  
 ** _"The only thing that kid is 'the best' at is obfuscating the truth. For all you know, Blaise  
is using his son to spy on you, just as you're using  
the kid to get information on him."]_**

 ** _["Sebastian can't remember what a metal detector is. Do you honestly expect him to  
relay coherent information to his father? Not to mention, given the interactions  
I've witnessed between the two of them, I find it hard to believe that Chairman Debeste  
would_** **_trust his son's findings even if they were spot-on."]_**

 ** _["Fine. If you want to play with fire by being that kid's babysitter,  
who am I to stop you...?"_** _Jill lets out an exasperated sigh._  
 ** _"But before I go, let me just give you a bit of advice…"]  
_**

* * *

Your cause might be just,  
And feelings fill you with disgust,  
But there's sometimes a special case, I shall place,  
To act on emotion.

* * *

For example:

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
No one ever wins when dealing with Blaise Debeste.  
Don't ever think he's soft for being weepy,  
'Cause that guy's got a thousand layers of insanity.

* * *

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,  
He'll treat you no better than the rest.  
With him don't laugh, don't relax,  
Don't prepare for small talk, only attack,  
'Cause that bastard ensures things go well only for Blaise Debeste.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 31**

 **Guest**

 **JP:** You had me the second you mentioned my OTP – say more about finding some way to make their original Ace shipper swoon, Gisselle styles! Consider it done! :)

 **CT:** We'll see what we can do with that suggestion. We appreciate that you took the time to submit it.

 **JoeClone**

 **JP:** You have no idea how much happiness you gave me at the endearing idea of an adorable adolescent boy and one of my favorite readers singing along and enjoying one of my parodies! *Double cheek squish!*

That being said, I actually did not know the monkey song from Jungle Book (looked it up though it's a riot!) although I am very familiar with "Bear Necessities" and I absolutely love the entire Aladdin soundtrack. I can already tell you that one of those requests is coming up really soon... Tell your little bro to stay tuned! 😁

 **CT: It's quite flattering that your brother's taking an interest in our story. And don't worry about his request being too much. We're always willing to take a crack at whatever our readers suggest, even if it takes a bit of time to do so.**

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** I've been known to draw random/ non-correlated parallels in life myself, so no harm, no foul as far as I'm concerned. I like Fievel (the only other cuddly Mouse out there besides Mickey) so we can definitely take a look into the soundtrack and see if we can come up with something. No risk, no reward is the motto here **!**

 **CT:** We won't know for sure if any of the songs from "Fievel" could work as parodies without doing some research. So we'll look around at the different songs, and if we find any that we can work with, we'll be more than happy to do parodies for them.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Thwomp is a comic genius he always goes over and beyond anything one could ever expect, and it was a great pleasure to write this catchy parody for you. I am delighted that you liked it and that it surpassed your expectations 😊

Ah... Star Wars... I've just never been a big science fiction fan in general, and some parts of the story just really seem a bit too... ah, _out there_ for my liking (not even going to touch the twin-cest part) although I will admit for the time, the special effects _are_ pretty cool and that James Earl Jones is an international treasure, ergo I'm over the moon he's going to be voicing Mufasa again in the live-action Lion King movie.😁

 **CT:** I'm glad that you've been liking our work so far. Both JP and I simply try our best while having fun with it.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Gumshoe is such a universally beloved character I'm really happy you enjoyed this homage to him. Also it's really cute that you called us _Wizards_ because in canon our fave resident dimwit's childhood dream was to actually become a wizard! 😂

Although this particular one was one of my favorites to write, given its catchiness, and despite how much I love writing song fics, parodies are not always easy. I love all of our readers but I'm not going to lie, some of the requests have been total doozies! (Luckily, I love a challenge!) And that rhyme zone website has been a lifesaver. The only other advice I forgot to give you is the rhyming of words does not have to be exact, a similar sound will definitely work with verses but I strongly suggest trying to keep syllable count the same so the song flows well try not to go over or under by more than one or two and try to pick a song you love since the act of writing the parody will require you to listen to it and possibly sing along to it several times! 😛

 **CT** : I best I can do is high-five my monitor and leave a big handprint on the screen. Though I can't take credit for "Gumshoe (Whoop!)"- That's all JP. My main contribution to that parody was proofreading it and giving JP feedback. Yeah, Rhymezone is a must-have for anyone writing musical numbers. If I didn't have access to Rhymezone, I wouldn't have been able to write my parodies for this fanfic without first losing my sanity.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I am 100% partial to the original guy's voice singing the song myself don't really care too much for Felicia Barton's version even if it does extend the catchy, beloved song I grew up with! What a delight to find the actual original male singer belting out the lyrics to the extended 2017 version on YouTube! Talk about best of both worlds!

I absolutely adore Miles "Scrooge" Edgeworth (he was probably tempted to give his subordinate another salary cut for that line about financial strain!) but I am just a terrible person because I love torturing him so much! Since he's such a stodgy sort, his freak out faces are even funnier than Phoenix's! your reminder about Larry unwittingly torturing him with his cringe-worthy wedding gifts and TMI Skype session in TE reminded me that I need to at least give the Butz at least another cameo soon like I just did with Trucy and Apollo and Ema... If for no other reason than to have one of my favorite readers see if his one time prediction about "something" is accurate or not! 😛

 **CT:** When it comes to Edgeworth's reasoning for constantly cutting his poor subordinate's pay with few raises, I always figured that he believes that Gumshoe has to earn a raise. In a sense, Edgeworth wants Gumshoe to learn from his mistakes and better himself as a human being. For example, by cutting Gumshoe's pay, Edgeworth is hoping that if Gumshoe is being questioned by Phoenix at a crime scene, the scruffy detective will think to himself, "If I tell this guy about our findings, my pay will be cut like last time. Therefore, I should keep quiet." However, this is Gumshoe we're talking about. The guy doesn't even know what logic is- literally, in "Investigations", he straight up asks Edgeworth what logic is. So Gumshoe doesn't learn anything and continues acting like his goofy, bumbling self and earning more pay cuts. Plus, how is Gumshoe supposed to think clearly when he's living off a diet consisting solely of no-name instant noodles and weenies?

Either that, or Edgeworth constantly cuts Gumshoe's pay because that form of disciplining one's subordinates- along with his affinity towards cravats and suits that were 20 years out of style a century ago- was drilled into his head after years of living with Manfred. Seriously, in "Inherited Turnabout", we learn that Manfred actually cut Badd's pay. If that theory's true, then that would also explain Franziska taking up the mantle of cutting Gumshoe's salary when Edgeworth was out of the country during his "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death" phase.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP** : Somebody actually was writing a story about the backstory of the Gavin Brothers although for the life of me I cannot recall the name or the author or if it's joined the land of unfinished stories out there... My profile makes it pretty clear what I think of people doing that...

My personal headcanon is that the younger Gavin brother idolized his big brother while the big brother was always jealous of his younger sibling being a prodigy and becoming a lawyer at 17, so even before he did (I find in the case of most siblings the older is jealous of the younger not usually vice versa there are exceptions of course!) and then eclipsing his own noteworthy legal fame by becoming an International rock star on top of that... which I think is part of what led his overzealousness with the whole Zak Gramarye trial thinking it would be his key ticket to stardom that would rival the fop's.

I love that you love detective bat as much as I do! And I would be all over any game of his perhaps including more of the awesome huggable Uncle Ray and the other investigations characters... I'm entirely neutral about whether or not they include the wolf man who I think it's ridiculously overrated and a really bad Wolverine wannabe (if they want an ageless superhero that never ages and is great looking while being pretty much immune to pain they already have Phoenix who has way cooler hair minus the fangs!)

In the many polls I have not only seen amongst Ace Attorney fans but actually conducted as well, Gumshoe is actually the top rated character people want to see return eclipsing even fan favorites Franziska and Godot! I'm so happy you enjoyed my nod to our favorite flatfoot bumbler! 😁

I can't wait for AA7 either!

 **CT:** If you're looking for a good Kristoph/Klavier sibling fanfic, I'd suggest taking a look at a story written by MadFox32 titled, "Brother to Brother". It's about events that happened during different points throughout the childhoods of the Gavin Brothers. If you liked how I portrayed Kristoph and Klavier's relationship in "The von Karma Family Beach Trip", then you'll love their story because it serves as inspiration for me whenever I'm writing about the Gavin brother… except the part about their crazy mother. That's all me.

In my personal opinion, practically every character introduced in both "Investigation" games was underused. And what makes things worse is how Capcom tries its darndest to keep the "Investigations" series as far away from the main series as humanly possible. Seriously, I don't understand why Ray would have never made an effort to befriend Mia, considering that she was essentially a female version of Gregory in terms of ideals, or at the very least reach out to Phoenix, the man who brought Manfred to justice and solved DL-6. I don't care if they say that Ray was out of the country. If he's devoted to Gregory to the point that he wears the man's fedora, didn't change the name of the law office, and even gives 'reports' to a picture of him, then I don't think that he'd miss a beat when it comes to news regarding DL-6 and Edgeworth. Heck, in the "Investigations" series, Phoenix gets the Voldemort treatment in how no one- not Edgeworth, not Franziska, not Gumshoe- refers to him by name. What? Is Edgeworth afraid that if he so much as thinks Phoenix's name, the spiky-haired attorney will appear out of thin air and steal away the spotlight?  
If Capcom ever decides to do an "Investigations" game starring Sebastian, they should have it where his partner is Simon when he first joined the Prosecutor's Office. With Sebastian's goofy, naïve nature and Simon's dry sarcastic wit and impatience, every interaction between them would be like something out of "The Odd Couple". Heck, maybe spending so much time with Sebastian is why Simon was so willing to go to prison.


	33. Thief Like Me

_JP: This was the hardest song parody I've written to date, what with the different paces and pitches done by the late, great Robin Williams, and as one of the most iconic Disney songs ever, especially from its 90's golden era, I wanted to do it justice! I hope you guys enjoy the antics of a certain plucky "Great Thief Yatagarasu" Volun-TOLD a certain stoic prosecutor, after rescuing him post Kidnapped Turnabout from AA1, that he was now never gonna rid of her because she was now his new assistant - whether he liked it or not! XD_

This goes out to requesters:

 _ **FloraAlice/Ariastella/PurpleHoodedAngel/JoeClone (and his baby bro)**_

* * *

 _CT: Edgeworth can honestly say without a doubt that he's never had a friend like Kay. For one thing, she's the only girl that's not Oldbag or his adoptive sister who actively seeks to be around him. Plus, Kay is the only assistant in the history of the series that the protagonist has to worry about gaining a criminal record outside of crimes they were framed for. But even though Edgeworth and Kay are so starkly different from each other- he's a serious, introverted prosecutor and she's a bubbly, extroverted self-proclaimed thief- but they have a great relationship and a synergy to match that could give Phoenix and Maya's a run for its money. So does it surprise you that my co-pilot wrote a parody starring Kay that oozes friendship and Edgeworth coming to the slow realization that he has a new assistant?_

* * *

 ** _"Thief Like Me"_**  
 **Sung to the tune of "Friend Like Me"  
from Disney's** ** _Aladdin_**

 _[Miles: Now then, thank you for rescuing me Kay, but I really do need to be moving along … Wait why you following me?]_

 _[Kay: Just where do you think you're going, buster? You can't just take off on your assistant all willy-nilly! Is this the way you thank me for helping you escape from being kidnapped?]_

 _[Miles: Assistant? Nonsense! I don't have an assistant! I already have an overenthusiastic bumbler of a detective who considers himself to be my right-hand man… ]_

 _[Gumshoe: Hey!]_

 _[Miles: *ignores him* Ergo, I do not need to be babysitting a childlike miscreant, aka a self-proclaimed "Great Thief" on top of that!]_

 _[Kay: I'm not that kind of thief Mr. Edgeworth! Like the great Byrne Faraday before me… I only steal the truth… This Yatagarasu will be an invaluable asset to you!]_

 _[Miles: What's this? The truth?]_

 _[Gumshoe: Yatagarasu?]_

 _[Kay: Good sir, I don't think you're fully grasping what "a steal" you've got here. So why don't you just chillax whilst I lay the facts about your new priceless sidekick?]_

* * *

Well it's the truth I'm a great thief  
And the type that'll never fail  
Your luck's changed like you won't believe  
Here to ensure you'll always prevail!  
A legend's got your back now  
Some say I'm quite the champ  
My badass skills will have you WOWED!  
I'm a ninja girl, I ain't no vamp  
Kay Faraday!

* * *

Mr. Miles Edgeworth sir  
I'm your new sidekick, see?  
No limits or borders  
Stop that frown!  
You will never find a thief like me!  
Ha ha ha

* * *

Life's a big turnabout, can make you feel dizzy!  
This sidekick you would wanna flaunt  
You will never find a thief like me

* * *

Good sir, just call I'm at your service  
What a team we'll make, huzzah!  
It's my true wish to serve justice  
It's enough to make you shout hurrah!

* * *

I'll be your extra hand, can even help Gummy!  
L'il Thief's so good, to be da hood  
You will never find a thief like me!

* * *

Won't be dismissed  
So yeah take that!  
When things are amiss  
Be there in seconds flat!  
I'll show you proof  
Let's make this clear  
This Yatagarasu's quite the trip  
Makes shady guys quiver with fear!

* * *

Don't you object or try to hide  
Cuz I got sleuthing flare!  
You got me by your side, certified  
I'm the loyal gal who's always there  
Don't matter if you protest or shout  
So what's next case? I really wanna know  
You got a list that's three miles long no doubt  
Get on your feet, ready, set, let's go... and oh

* * *

Mr. Miles Edgeworth, sir, we both know you need me!  
In depths of night where no birds dare flight  
You won't ever find a thief, never find a thief  
You won't ever find a thief, never find a thief  
You won't ever… find a… thief… like me

* * *

You won't ever find a thief like me, hah!

 _*bows while Gumshoe applauds*_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 31**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Gumshoe would probably be the ultimate sidekick if they ever rebooted _Beverly Hills Cop_ as a TV show as the bumbling sidekick played by Judge Reinhold. Either that or a great addition to _Brooklyn 99_ which is my latest obsession… The captain's stoic demeanor reminds me very much of Miles Edgeworth… Plus it does allow for the characters to sing and dance as one of the characters on the show sings opera and we've already known that Gumshoe loves to sing reggae during his down time…No woman, no crime indeed! Thanks for dropping a line, funny lady! You updated your story before I could even comment on the last chapter now I got some serious reading and reviewing catch up to do!

 **CT:** If Gumshoe had his own t.v. show, I'd imagine that it'd be a sadder version of the "Encyclopedia Brown" books with our favorite scruffy detective solving cases for kids as a part-time job for 25 cents a case so that he can pay for his instant noodles. Either that, or Gumshoe assists Encyclopedia Brown like he does with Edgeworth. Though the sad part about that latter scenario is that Encyclopedia Brown would probably pay Gumshoe more in a week than Edgeworth does in three months.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Knowing Miles, he was probably mumbling THE most lackluster "whoooop!" possible until Maya not-so-discreetly kicked him in the shin… Or in a spot which would produce a much more high-pitched sound that would've made the Bee Gees proud! Either way, I'm sure the performance was a _hit_ … In more ways than one! :p

 **CT:** After how devastated Edgeworth was after his father's death, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show Gumshoe any appreciation or praise in order to shield himself in case something took his faithful subordinate away from him, thereby reopening old wounds. Either that, or Edgeworth was emotionally stunted after living in Manfred's house of perfection where approval goes to die a slow, painful death after being chased through the woods and bludgeoned with sticks and rocks.

Though speaking of which, it's a good thing that Edgeworth doesn't know that he's in a video game and has a fanbase; because if he knew that his "unnecessary… feelings" encouraged said fans to vehemently ship him with Phoenix, he would never want to smile or even so much as speak with emotion ever again.

 **Chapter 32**

 **JoeClone**

 **CT:** For me, the only song from "Peter Pan" that comes to mind- with the exception of "Don't Smile at a Crocodile", of course- is "The Elegant Captain Hook". I've never been that big of a "Peter Pan" fan so I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to its songs.

 **JP:** Yeah to me a lot of Disney tunes from the earlier movies like Peter Pan didn't have the earworm tracks the later ones (1989 onward) are famous for. I recall "What makes a red man red" from the movie was widely criticized for its cultural insensitivity against natives though…

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Yes, Jill Crane's boyfriend is indeed named Jack. This is to coincide with how their Japanese names are based off the children's song "Kagome Kagome" which features the lines, "The crane and the turtle slipped, who is behind you now?" Though instead of falling down a hill like the Jack and Jill we know, Jack Cameron and Jill Crane broke their crowns after sticking their noses where they didn't belong.

 **JP:** Yup Jill's clichéd other half was indeed Jack (the last name though was NOT Meyholf!) They went up the hill to fetch a pair of water...but poor Jack went down quick when some fiend busted his crown with a brick...:p

 **chloemcg**

 **CT** : It's always a pleasure to know that we've helped out a fan! Speaking of which, I read your song-fic and felt that it was really good. The tone of the song you chose was a perfect fit for Apollo during "Turnabout for Tomorrow" where he became a fusion of Kristoph, Dhurke, and Shadow the Hedgehog.

 **JP** : So glad you enjoyed it milady. Nice job on the songfic BTW! AA1 & 2 had some memorable characters indeed! 😊

*High-fives back so as not to feel left out*

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** You're correct. In the final version of "Peter Pan", while the melody for "Never Smile at a Crocodile" is used whenever Tick-Tock appears, the lyrics were not included, which is a real shame considering how catchy they are. When I was writing the parody, I had the lyrics stuck in my head for a good week.

For the sake of avoiding spoilers, all I'm going to say is that Blaise is one of the most despicable villains to ever grace the "Ace Attorney" universe and that at least half of the cases in the original three games and the "Investigations" series can be traced back to him in some way, shape or form. Seriously, Blaise makes Dahlia and Kristoph look like mere kittens by comparison with how many lives he has ruined, one of which is the former.

 **JP:** The song is actually more fitting even you could realize because the character of former Chief Prosecutor Blaise Debeste was known to shed crocodile tears at a whim... Either to keep from torching himself with his ever-present lighter since he was obviously a pyromaniac (we're talking goggle full amounts!) Or to help deflect away from his godawful sins of being a corrupt c*ck sneeze with blood on his hands who was possibly father than Manfred. Yea you read that right. Yes I am not joking!

About Jurassic creatures... With recent evidence nail suggesting they were less scaly and more feathered in variety with birds being their descendants... I can't help but have the occasional horrific image of an oversized Big Bird like creature coming at me with its large gaping maw... 😅

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **CT:** I feel that Lang's idolized because he makes a very good first impression. For one thing, when we first meet Lang, he has a literal army of police officers at his disposal that worship the ground he walks on. This, coupled with the fact that he's one of the few people who treats Edgeworth like he's a regular person and not someone all that special, serves to make Lang appear as this powerful force to be reckoned with- a view that becomes even more apparent by his never-ending bravado, a smirk that shows he's having the time of his life, and how he can stand toe-to-toe with Edgeworth when arguing and throw out a few snappy comebacks. Not to mention, Lang serves as a much-needed breath of fresh air in a case that is so devoid of life. Seriously, with the exception of him, Kay and Oldbag, "The Kidnapped Turnabout" has all the atmosphere of a desert, which is fitting considering that a good portion of the case takes place in a cowboy-themed area. Heck, even the developers feel this way since they made Lang the literal face of the case.

Apparently, Ray never heard about Phoenix due to being overseas, which was where he picked up his affinity for hugging girls. But like I said before, I find that really hard to believe. Manfred was an international prosecutor who never lost a case in 40 years, so news of him losing to a greenhorn attorney and getting arrested for murder would spread across the globe like wildfire. I mean, if Franziska's first lost was broadcasted on international news, then Manfred's should have as well. And then even stranger yet is how even during his demon prosecutor years in which he was essentially mini-Manfred, Edgeworth respected Mia's skills as an attorney, yet Ray is completely oblivious to her. You'd think that with how much Mia's strategies and philosophies mirror Gregory's, as well as with how they share a few poses, that Ray would have rushed back to California and tried to be her best friend while harboring wild hopes that maybe his old mentor lived a double life and had a child with a former assistant or something of the sort.

 **JP** : Yeah I don't hide my thoughts on my profile about my thoughts on leaving readers hanging – give them the courtesy of letting them know this story is no longer being continued, ya know? Basic courtesy!

As much as I did like the Miles games, I did prefer the second one over the first one but I also was annoyed about how they seemed really paranoid about Phoenix eclipsing his best friends Fame if they dared mention his name Lord Voldemort Style! Yeesh...I mean Miles gets to be IN EVERY SINGLE PHOENIX GAME (let's forget AJ for argument's sake) including PL crossover and the Project Zone X 2 but they couldn't give street cred to my boy in blue by having others even having HEARD of the acclaimed Ace Attorney? Lang is OK - he exists in my works only to mock though Miles is one alpha male enough we don't need another one with a stick up his bum to boot! Plus I love Badd off and I still am salty he blocked my man's shot on the murderous beyotch!

I'd be down for a prosecutor game for sure...can't get enough of AA! And thanks as always for dropping a line...glad you enjoyed my co-pilot's homage to the Boy Who Never Wanted To Grow Up!😜 (see what I did there?)


	34. Don't Deceive Me

CT: _With how much emphasis Shelly places on trust, as well as the fact that I saw a "Phoenix Wrong" of the "Ace Attorney" villains singing "It's Our House Now" with him playing the role of Kaa, I felt that this song would be the perfect fit for our favorite assassin. Plus, after the events of "Farewell, My Turnabout", I can't help but picture Shelly slowly killing Matt by strangling him with his legs._

 _We'd like to thank_ _ **chloemcg**_ _for submitting the idea for this parody, whose favorite villain plays a starring role._

 _JP:_ _Ugh how fitting to have a serpentine starring song featuring pretty boy/putrid little c*ck snorkeler Engarde, and even though he's not the one singing these lyrics to yet another song I'd forgotten about until my talented partner brilliantly parodied it, his slick and slimy personality still shines through nevertheless! We hope you enjoy your request milady!_

* * *

 ** _"Don't Deceive Me"  
_** **Sung to the tune of "Trust In Me" from  
Disney's** ** _The Jungle Book_**

 _[Matt Engarde never thought that he'd find himself, Mr. Refreshing-like-a-Spring-Breeze, standing in a rundown part of town in the dead of night in front of a dark alleyway. But then again, Matt also didn't think that Corrida would be such a thorn in his side for so many years. So after letting out a quick sigh, the celebrity knocked on the brick wall of a nearby building in an oddly specific fashion, one that was specified to him over the phone by the man he was there to meet.]_

 _[And sure enough, after the final knock on the wall, the dark alley was illuminated by a single shinning circle, followed by an eerily soothing voice.]_

 ** _["Mr. Matt Engarde, I presume."_** _The voice stated.]_

 ** _["Yeah, Dude."_** _The celebrity replied in the typical airheaded fashion he dealt with all people._ _ **"And are you, like, de Killer?"]**_

 ** _["Indeed I am."_** _The voice said before its speaker stepped into the light, allowing Matt to see the man's slender form which was dressed in a nice suit that perfectly complimented the monocle on his left eye. Though Shelly's most noticeable feature was the line of stitches running right down the center of his face from his forehead to his chin, resembling some kind of mask that could be unzipped and removed at a moment's notice_. **_"You mentioned over_** **_the phone that you wish for me to dispose of a man by the name of Juan Corrida, correct?"]_**

 ** _["Yeah, dude! He needs to die because-"]_**

 ** _["I do not need to know your motives behind wanting to see this man dead, Mr. Engarde."_** _Shelly politely stated, cutting off his potential client midsentence._ _ **"As an assassin, my only goal is to kill my target and ensure that my client faces no negative repercussions. Though there is one thing that I ask of you, Mr. Engarde…"]**_

 ** _["What, dude?"_** _Matt asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion, to which the assassin responded by singing in a clam, yet threatening tone.]_

* * *

Don't deceive me,

Don't betray me.

Just sit back,

And put your faith in me.

* * *

You won't have,

Someone to rue,

After I,

Am through.

* * *

If you know integrity and honor,

You have nothing to fear.

But if you double-cross me,

Your end's near.

* * *

Don't deceive me,

Don't betray me.

Just sit back,

And put your faith in me…

* * *

 ** _["You see, Mr. Engarde, nothing angers me more than a traitor. And if I were to discover that you had the gall to do just that to me, then… well, let's just say that it wouldn't end well for you. So, do I have your word that you will be as loyal to me as I will be to you?"_** _Shelly asked, extending his hand out.]_

 ** _["Yeah, totally! You can definitely count on me!"_** _Matt grinned as he shook the assassin's hand while holding his free one behind his back with his index and middle fingers crossed.]_

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** Gracias for the kind words, mi amigo.

DuckTales is a retro (read: _old_!) cartoon which only got rebooted last year so I can see how it may have slipped your mind despite the iconic theme song which is possibly the biggest Disney series earworm ever created in my opinion! I prefer the guy singing to the girl but I digress. I agree with you as much as I'm fond of Franny and Uncle Badass, the lovable bumbler needs to make a comeback ASAP! I had forgotten about his wonderful character development in the Miles 2 game until you mentioned it and now I miss him even more! That said, I'd like to think he has further evolved from ramen noodles and can now at least afford Eldoon's... As Chief of Police! :)

 **CT:** You know that Gumshoe's done a good job when Edgeworth actually gives him a raise. Though for Gumshoe's sake, let's hope that said raise was a definitive amount of money and not a percentage based off his current salary; because knowing how low Gumshoe's pay was at that point in time, he'd be getting an extra penny at the end of the week.

If Gumshoe ever did make a return to the series, I'd love it if it turned out that he became police chief- not out of skill, but because Edgeworth pulled a reverse-Gant and put Gumshoe in the position in order to reduce corruption. Though knowing Gumshoe, even as police chief, Edgeworth would find reasons to cut his pay and make it where he still has to live off instant noodles.

Though for me, as much as I like Gumshoe, I'd have to say that my favorite detective is Bobby Fulbright. He just has this overwhelming energy and love for his job that never fails to put a big goofy grin on my face when I run into him during an investigation and hear his theme song. Not to mention, Fulbright's bubbly nature and child-like naiveté complements Simon's dry, cutting wit and dour demeanor so perfectly. I swear, every interaction between Simon and Foolbright is like those of Edgeworth and Gumshoe amplified to 11.

 **Chapter 32**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** In Jill's defense, she was under the impression that Blaise wasn't aware of her plan and thought that she could get the jump on him. But still, even if Blaise was caught by surprise, Jill should have known better than to underestimate him for even a second since he's a sadistic, psychopathic nutjob who would have done everything and anything in his power to make her disappear. I mean, Jill saw how Blaise wouldn't hesitate to belittle Sebastian on a daily basis. If a guy is willing to act that way towards his only son who loves him dearly and whose only crime is being incompetent, then imagine what he's capable of doing to someone who's actually trying to kill him.  
As for Simon, that confrontation was a win-win for him. If Blaise won, then the events seen in "The Forgotten Turnabout" would unfold; and if Jill won, Blaise would be dead and she could do whatever she wanted since Simon had no issue with her.

 **JP:** 'Twas both irony and misfortune simultaneously in poor Jill's case, as said by Walter de la Mare: "It was a pity thoughts always ran the easiest way, like water in old ditches."

Anticipation makes for one of the sweetest things in life when you know the outcome will be great, and anything worth having is worth waiting for therefore do not worry about setbacks regarding said staying _mi amigo_ , for I am a patient woman. Health first! :)

 **Chapter 33**

 **FloraAlice**

 **JP: T** here is no greater pride than knowing when writing a songfic that our lyrics are memorable/sung/enjoyed by our wonderful readers and I am very happy that you enjoyed your request, even though it was challenging given the even further iconic status due to the now dearly departed comic legend. That Edgeworth he doesn't impress easily does he? Gumshoe, on the other hand, would probably be clapping his hands with childlike delight at case presentation of how compact and nifty Little Thief is.

Gumshoe: "That's so cool, pal! Can I play with it?"

Kay: "Gummy. No."

Gumshoe: "Aw!" *cue trademark hangdog/puppy wounded expression!*

 **CT:** Knowing Kay, after the events of "The Kidnapped Turnabout", she did just that for an hour straight, much to Edgeworth's disdain. Either that, or Kay used her stealth and acrobatic skills to break into Edgeworth's apartment and tortures him with the wonders of Little Thief in the dead of night when he was trying to get some sleep.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** Indeed, RIP Robin Williams. L

I'd like to think that Kay was created so that Edgeworth could join Phoenix's rank of having employees that he adopts as surrogate children! LOL

I found the irrepressible ninja downright impossible not to like, she's a chaotic storm wrapped up in a hurricane with a dash of mischief very similar to my favourite spirit medium which makes me wish those two could have met in canon! I am delighted this difficult parody is in your top ten since we are now officially on thirty-four of what was originally going to be a very short series, and are still going strong for months later! _Muchas gracias_! :)

 **CT:** For me, one reason why I like Kay is that she helps to strengthen Edgeworth's character. Y'see, whenever we see him in the main series, he's talking to Phoenix, a man who he views as a capable rival who doesn't need handholding. However, in the "Investigation" series, we see Edgeworth when he doesn't have to hide his hand to avoid potential foul play, in which he compensates for his general social awkwardness with how he's willing to go to great lengths to help his friends, such as quitting his job when Kay was being accused of Jill's murder. Furthermore, with Kay's lack of police and/or legal credentials, by Edgeworth actually listening to her observations and asking for her assistance, it shows how he's willing to consult a wide variety of sources for the sake of building a solid argument not shrouded in his own bias.

 **Red5T65**

 **JP:** We've never had the pleasure of hearing from you before so first of all thank you so much for taking the time to drop us a line. Me and my partner are having a total blast with these, so I don't think we'll be stopping anytime in the immediate future, as long as we have great readers who keep getting us the awesome requests, which are such a blast to do!

Also I did get a chance to read and review your wonderful parody but want to thank you again publicly for your kind shout out and I do hope to see more of your work in the Ace Attorney fandom in the future!😁

 **CT:** I'm glad that you've been enjoying our parodies. And regarding your suggestion, we'll do some research and see what we can do.

 **Bajy**

 **JP:** As we haven't had the pleasure of hearing from you before, thank you so much for taking the time to drop us a line and let us know how much you like our merry melodies! Feel free to let us know if you have any requests! :)

 **CT:** I'm touched by your many nice words and am glad that you're enjoying our parodies.

 **ChloboShoka**

 **JP:** We've never had the pleasure of hearing from you until now, dear reader, so thank you so much for taking the time to drop us a line! Indeed, you never forget your first - in this case, "Make A (Free) Man Out of You" as the kickoff to this successful duet series with my fave funny man, so it's pretty dear to me, too (also stars my fave AA/video game character!)

As for your request, Damon Gant is a brilliant, often overlooked villain, and we'll definitely see what we can do with using that tune! :)

 **CT:** Based on the title, I'm assuming that you're suggesting a parody of "A Pirate's Life for Me". In which case, I feel that it'll be a really fun parody to write- especially since I've been having a hard time finding a good song to write a parody for starring Gant. It's just that Gant is an oddity among the villains in the "Ace Attorney" series in that he lacks the absolute hatred that makes Manfred and Kristoph stand out, as well as the complete disregard for human life that is embodied by Dahlia and Blaise, yet he's too ruthless and manipulative to be seen as sympathetic and/or tragic like Mimi and Tahrust. In short, on a scale of villainy ranging from one to ten- with one being "Give this person a hug now!" and ten being "The Devil sits on their throne."- Gant would receive a solid five.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hey funny girl! Didn't think I would have the pleasure of hearing from you again so soon thank you for taking a break from being awesome to drop me a line. I cannot remember any ship teasing in the Miles game because any spark between these two I could have imagined was obliterated when Kay said Edgey reminded her of her FATHER! That being said, ninja gal would now be in her mid-twenties past the illegal jailbait age of 17, and I have never minded the pairing of these two although I'm a die-hard Franny X Miles shipper... these two could possibly work as a great pair because she is all bubbly and cheerful and could provide the much-needed LED bulb that occasionally required to shove up his find behind so he can "lighten up!" XD

 **CT:** In regards to my favorite assistant, I'm torn between Maya and Kay. On one hand, Maya has this bubbly, child-like enthusiasm about her that manages to make murder trials as fun as going out to the mall and has such a deep, touching friendship with Phoenix. But then you have Kay who- while similar to Maya in terms of personality- manages to provide us with more comedic banter than what we get with Phoenix and Maya while also augmenting Edgeworth's logic with Little Thief when they're investigating. But then again, I think that part of the reason why I like Edgeworth and Kay's banter better than Phoenix and Maya's is that Edgeworth, despite his glares and no-nonsense nature, is a master of reaction and remarks.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Silly Miles! No matter how much of a gym rat he may be, don't he know you can't outrun (or in this case nor can he _outwit_!) a ninja ... there's a reason they're referred to as "a thief in the night" even if this particular dark figure is a noble one...(with extra wings that take flight to make her more swift!) I think Miles should just give up and wave the White Flag already! I don't blame you for thinking this song could not be done it was very hard to do but I'm delighted my readers enjoyed reading it as much as I love writing it! XD

I just had a hilarious scenario of Miles being in a haunted house of mirrors and there's no way he can escape the countless images of a singing and dancing Kay Faraday! 😂

 **CT:** Considering how athletic and resourceful Kay is, I wouldn't be surprised if Edgeworth could never escape her. Edgeworth's sitting in his office trying to get some work done, Kay's in the air duct. Edgeworth's driving to the courthouse to prosecute a case, Kay's hiding in the trunk. Edgeworth's sound asleep in his bedroom, Kay scales the wall to his apartment complex with two suction cups on her hands like something out of a "Mission Impossible" film and cuts a hole in the window's glass to get in. And no matter how many times Edgeworth catches Kay, she'll always greet him with a big, warm grin.

 **JoeClone**

 **JP:** Tell your little brother I said " _Danke_!"

I didn't think anything could make me happier than hearing one of my favorite readers and his siblings were belting out one of our parodies, but now it's being brought even further to life with music being added to the lyrics?

Thank you so much for the latest ear-to-ear grin on my face which couldn't be pried off with a crowbar with this latest review! *Cheek squishes to both you adorable boys!* 😊

 **CT:** Considering how athletic and resourceful Kay is, I wouldn't be surprised if Edgeworth could never escape her. Edgeworth's sitting in his office trying to get some work done, Kay's in the air duct. Edgeworth's driving to the courthouse to prosecute a case, Kay's hiding in the trunk. Edgeworth's sound asleep in his bedroom, Kay scales the wall to his apartment complex with two suction cups on her hands like something out of a "Mission Impossible" film and cuts a hole in the window's glass to get in. And no matter how many times Edgeworth catches Kay, she'll always greet him with a big, warm grin.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Kay is so cheeky she would probably wish for her own powers of eternal pranking (without recourse!) so Miles would never know a moment's peace... I'm picturing short-sheeting his bed, dying his cravat in a Barbie pink shade which in no way could ever be mistaken for magenta, and just general harmless but hilarious ways to always ruffle the frilly man's ruffles! 😝

 **CT:** If Kay got a hold of Genie, at least one of three things would occur: a world would be created where all criminals, no matter how powerful they are, would always be brought to justice; she would steal a wide array of objects; and/or Edgeworth would be constantly pranked to no end.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I tend to take free rein with the scenario/dialogue surrounding the parody because it's almost impossible to make it be identical to the ones surrounding the original song. and while this latest request that I failed was definitely the most challenging I've had to date, encouraging and supportive readers like you definitely make it worthwhile and I very much look forward to seeing what you come up with next song-fic or otherwise, milady! 😊

 **CT:** While these parodies can be a challenge to write when we see that fans such as yourself are enjoying them, it makes all the effort worth it. For me, one thing that helps make the process easier is that when I'm writing a more narrative-based parody, I'll handle the text and lyrical portions separately. First, I'll look over the original song and brainstorm some basic scenarios and characters that can be used. Then, I'll write the lyrics for the parody. And then once the lyrics are done, I'll write the standard dialogue and text that's used for exposition and standard dialogue.

Sorry if that sounds a bit like some sort of egotistical behind-the-scenes sort of stuff. I'm just giving some potential advice if you ever decide to write another parody in the future. I hope you enjoy your summer holiday and have lots of fun!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** The plucky Kay Faraday is as cute and cheeky as a certain spirit medium, and is criminally underused both by myself, in fanfiction and the official Ace Attorney series (along with Detective Tyrell bad she is the best thing to come out of the Miles games which is criminal that you still have not played my friend!) but she is the Trucy to Apollo, the Maya to Phoenix (although the last is the only one I ship romantically for obvious reasons!) Who helps call the proverbial stick out of Miles Edgeworth's rear and helps balance things out! XD

I'm really glad despite not being familiar with the character and you manage to enjoy the parody I did have a lot of fun writing it despite the challenge and Edgeworth would never be the sort to applaud an impromptu Jazzy number and no matter how awesome which is why I had to throw the ever-effusive, and more Disney appreciative Dick Gumshoe in the mix!

 **CT:** In one sentence, you managed to state why I love Edgeworth and Kay's relationship. Here you have Edgeworth, this rational, socially awkward defender of justice, teaming up with this young, bubbly girl who is a self-proclaimed thief. So as you can imagine, Edgeworth and Kay's interactions are a wealth humorous banter thanks to her mischievous nature and his history with remarks and comebacks.

 **MuhammadGamingS**

 **JP:** A tragedy nearly as great as the death of Gregory Edgeworth is the fact that his only son didn't get both of his games localized since this was such a rare moment for any media type to have a sequel surpass the original! Thank goodness for devoted fans who translated it so the rest of the western world can enjoy it!

Uncle Ray's ignorance was totally a cop-out just to give Phoenix obscurity and what was supposed to be a starring Edgeworth only game but nonetheless, I did enjoy the Easter eggs that showed him and Maya in both games. Out of sight does not mean out of mind obviously!

I could be crude and say that assistants are like herpes... You keep them forever like luggage but considering how much I adore Kay Faraday and Maya Fey, I'll just say they cling to you like a burr instead! Since being an attorney and in all cases, dealing with a homicide case isn't something to be taken lightly the lawyer is usually the straight man and needs to be balanced out by a cheeky and quirky assistant. The thing that fascinates me most is her Phoenix literally has two sides - he is the voice of reason / straight man when he's with Maya and yet he turns into a complete dork who needs guidance from Edgeworth anytime his best friend enters the room! (I love my boy in blue either way though!)

Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed this chapter of Kay essentially telling Miles: you know that I know that you know that I know that you need me and I'm going to make you love me! :p

 **CT:** Muhammad S: The biggest disappointment I had with the Lang arc in "Investigations 2" is how Lang barely reacts to Blaise's presence. In "Investigations", Lang has this undying vendetta against prosecutors after what Blaise did to his family. However, when he's finally in the same room as Blaise in "Investigations 2", all Lang says is how he killed off the Lang clan with barely any anger while the sadistic P.I.C. Chairman doesn't even say a single cutting remark. Sure, Blaise was devastated and got what he deserved, but if Lang was willing to call Alba a bastard, then he should have a lot stronger words and more anger for the man who destroyed his family with forged evidence.

Out of all the detectives featured in the series, Badd is my fourth favorite behind Gumshoe, Fulbright, and Ema. Sure, he has that gruff, intimidating appearance, but beneath his hard exterior is a sweet, caring man who loves justice and candy and will do almost anything to help those who have earned his respect. If they ever have Badd return in another "Investigations" game, it would be so cool to have him appear in a flashback case with Byrne Faraday as the playable character. I could just imagine Badd being his normal self while Byrne's cracking jokes and trying to be friendly. Heck, they could make it where Byrne is the first prosecutor in the series to be on Team Stepladder.

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** No worries! I know what it's like to have a creative slump, which is why sometimes months can go by in between updating my stories... we are both just very grateful to have such loyal readers that still come back nevertheless despite the occasional lag in between updates and you my dear are definitely one of them! So, don't worry and I really hope you get your artistic mojo back soon, although taking a break is usually the best way to do so! I look forward to seeing more of your work as I am quite a fan! 😊

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. Everyone here has gone through similar slumps like that every now and then. Sometimes it's because life's getting hectic, sometimes you've ran into several brick walls of writer's block, sometimes the creative juices just aren't flowing, and sometimes it's a combination of the three. The point is that it's ok to take a break once in a while to help recharge. When it comes to fanfic writing, it's better to take it slow and have fun doing it than pumping out update after update in a short time span and hating every second of it.

I can't speak for JP when I say this, but I'm sure she agrees with me in that we are not upset that you don't post reviews for every chapter. What matters to us is that when you read these chapters, we help bring a smile to your face and add a bit of fun to your day.

 **Yankeegirl13**

 **JP:** In the case of Elsa and the fop, Detective Skye was more of their investigative partner more than assistant I'd say, but never loves even the greatest attorney whether they be prosecutor or defense needs a helping hand, or as Kay and Maya could easily say about their bosses... Behind every great (legal) is an even greater woman... Rolling her eyes!

 **CT:** While Franziska, Klavier, and Simon have all assisted in cases at one point or another, I would not go as far as to classify them as full-fledged assistants based on traits I've found in several of the series' assistants.

One of these traits is how often they help out the main character in regards to their cases. For Franziska, she may have helped during cases, but she did so only twice for Phoenix over the course of two years and three times for Edgeworth over the course of seven. Likewise, Simon and Klavier helped Athena with only a single case each. So suffice to say, if we were to give assistant-status to characters based on their efforts in a single case, then by that logic, Grossberg would be up there as well based on how he aided Mia in "Turnabout Memories".

Another trait found in assistants throughout the "Ace Attorney" universe is how they help the person they're with not out of obligation, but purely due to friendship and loyalty. Take Edgeworth and Gumshoe, for example. Even when Gumshoe's not assigned to a case, he'll do whatever he can to help Edgeworth, even if ends up negatively impacting him. Likewise, when Justine was acting as Sebastian's assistant, she could have easily been ruthless and domineering towards him, just as she was with Edgeworth. After all, Blaise was sending her and Sebastian out to those crime scenes in "Investigations 2" in order to obfuscate the truth behind the incidents in question. As long as Justine was able to do just that, Blaise wouldn't care how she went about it. Heck, if Justine abused Sebastian, Blaise would give her a raise and a pat on the back. But instead, Justine admired how much effort Sebastian put into his work and how he had a pure soul, which is why she acted so motherly around him and tried her best to boost his self-esteem while guiding him in the right direction.

So while Ema may have assisted Klavier and Nahyuta with their investigations, she did so only because it was her job. Heck, on several occasions, Ema was outright against Nahyuta's judgments, but he forced her to take his side out of the risk of a pay cut and endless sermons. And Ema's working relationship with Klavier needs no introduction since we have an entire game dedicated to it. Thus, when Ema's business with Klavier and Nahyuta was finished, she stopped working with them. As for Simon and Franziska, on the few times they've assisted in cases, it was done purely because the case was personal for them, whether Franziska was trying to prove herself or to get revenge against the assassin who shot her and the murderer who killed her investigative partner, or Simon was trying to save his beloved Soba restaurant.

Sorry if this reply rambled on. As you can tell, I love discussing and analyzing these kinds of things with fans. As for the next "Ace Attorney" game, I wouldn't mind a new main prosecutor that plays a role in plot-heavy cases. However, for the filler case where it's just there to add some variety and take a break from the action, it wouldn't hurt to have a previous prosecutor return.


	35. My Beautiful Iris

_JP: After a sinister song starring a steel-cold assassin and his slimy reptile Judas client, I thought we could use a dash of_ _L'amour and in this case, mi amigo **Injusticeforall** also happened to be a Larris fan, and asked for a song dedicated to the pairing, while **PurpleHoodedAngel** requested this song. I hope you guys enjoy the case of a certain shy, fair maiden and her clownish knight in paint-speckled armor!_

 _CT: For those of you who are fans of JP's works, you're probably aware that she has been very kind to Larry by shipping him with Iris and even having him married to her in a few of her fanfics. So it should come off as no surprise that she has done a wonderful job with this parody in which Larry shows the softer side of his personality that doesn't result in a trial, investigation, or regular conversation ending with a massive headache and a strong desire to kick some Butz._

* * *

 ** _"My Beautiful Iris"_**  
 **Sung to by a smitten Larry trying to woo a certain shrine maiden  
to the tune of "Ma Belle Evangeline"  
from Disney's** ** _The Princess and the Frog_**

* * *

[Iris: You've had so many other lovers, Lawrence. How can I ever believe that you mean what you say when you claim to love _me_ , now?]

[Larry: Milady, Katty Tom, Banjolina and Keyance, they meant _nothing_ to me! _None_ of them could hold a candle to you! Iris Hawthorne, only you, and _you alone_ have _everything_ I will ever want!]

[Iris: *looks away shyly* I want to believe you… I _really_ do…]

[Larry: If you don't believe my words, then hear the music of my heart… _*strums his lute and starts to sing*]_

* * *

 **[Larry]  
**  
You mean the world to this guy  
My beautiful Iris  
So out of my league, I sigh  
Yet in her hands, my heart will ever be

* * *

So kind, so pure, my beauty queen  
Lucent eyes shine so bright  
Light up, the night

* * *

Could one as perfect as she  
Accept a bum like me  
The woman of my dreams is thee  
Most precious gem I've ever seen  
Oooh, yeah!

* * *

I'd be dutiful  
Cuz she's magical  
She has everything  
I would need  
Milady…

* * *

You mean the world to this guy  
I love you, my sweet lady

* * *

[Iris: Oh, Lawrence…. _*stares up into his face with misty eyes*_ You really _did_ mean all that, didn't you? ]

[Larry: From my heart to yours. *places her hand over his chest* I love you, my beautiful Iris]

[Iris: And my heart belongs to only you, Lawrence Butz]

 _*Larris kiss*_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 34**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't worry about how long it takes you to post a review. Both JP and I understand that life can get hectic and sometimes you can't post things as quickly as you'd like. So with that in mind, we really appreciate that you took the time to write it and are glad that you enjoyed the parody.

In a sense, Matt did get himself killed off in "Justice for All" by getting on Shelly's bad side because when Shelly wants to get something done, he gets it done. So I think that it's safe to say that after Matt's breakdown, that was the last anyone really saw of him. I mean, just because the ex-Nickel Samurai is in jail doesn't mean he's safe, especially when all Shelly would have to do to kill him would be to put on a police uniform, walk in Central Prison's front door, and do the deed. And as for the issue of the guards recognizing Shelly either by his face or voice, I don't think that would be problem considering that he managed to fool Edgeworth with his John Doe persona while wearing a robe with not one, but two of his signature shell insignias stitched on the front. Plus, I think that it's safe to assume that Matt's dead by the time "Investigations 2" starts since Shelly had a new target.

 **JP:** I second the motion! I'm just happy we have such loyal readers, both in this collaboration and in her own individual projects… I am always blown away whenever I get a new follower or favorite or for any of my stories especially ones which I haven't been able to get to as often as I would like, such as _Filling The Void_ and _Turnabout Everlasting_ mostly because it's summer time and I'm trying to have a life and be because some filling in for a lot of other people's vacations who get to have more of a life than I do! XD

Indeed the slithery reptile that was the duplicitous Matt Engarde could have easily been sung by him instead of by the equally fitting cold-blooded killer, but to be honest I wouldn't want to cross either one of their paths in a dark alley! That being said being the bloodthirsty wench that I am I'd like to think that Morgan Fey was executed in prison after trying to kill my ass for the second time, (or more comically was killed in a prison food fight) and I'd like to think that the gentleman assassin managed to complete his assignment for the Judas jackass too! And I hope he sang this song as a reminder! BWAHAHAHAHA!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** What are you talking about? The only ice-cream salesman we've seen in the "Ace Attorney" series is John Doe, who is clearly not Shelly de Killer. I mean, if Mr. Doe was actually Shelly de Killer in a horrible disguise, then Edgeworth would have wasted no time in having him arrested when they met in "Turnabout Target".

I'm sorry, but I just can't get over how someone as keen and observant as Edgeworth would have not recognized Shelly's voice after the man testified during "Farewell, My Turnabout". Granted, de Killer's voice could have been disguised- a fact I find hard to believe since the anime didn't do that- but how on earth could Edgeworth disregard the fact that a man perfectly fitting the description provided by Will Powers was selling ice-cream at the site of a supposed presidential assassination while wearing a robe with not one, but two of the infamous de Killer shell insignias visible for all to see? Suffice to say, the beginning of "Turnabout Target" was not on of Edgeworth's greatest moments.

As for your point about Shelly going into show business, sure, he'd be more popular, but increased popularity leads to being more recognizable, and being more recognizable is something that no assassin wants. After all, if people could easily recognize Shelly, he'd actually have to spend more than ten seconds thinking of how to disguise himself.

 **JP:** I like the idea! And I figured out how Shelly could keep himself anonymous… Where those Noh masks, the wooden ones, used in an ancient form of Japanese theater called Noh, so performers were made to be expressionless and in this case unrecognizable! He could even use it for sinister purposes by coming out juggling swords or knives and then once he sees this target in the audience, ninja style whipping the blade at his mark, and then disappearing! (Sorry I give obviously give this way too much thought !) XD

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** And once again, I give you a big high-five back. I'm always glad to see you enjoying our parodies so much and am touched by your kind words. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when I know that both JP and I helped to brighten your day with our works and can provide you tips to make the writing process easier.

 **JP:** As writers I think we still count as artists, so therefore we have sensitive artistic souls which means we may be affected by criticism but are fragile egos also enjoy praise in every shape and form! It definitely helps us crank out the songs all that much faster and you are a dream reader to have milady! Never change!

*High-five back, Ms. fluffy socks!*

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** With how well-executed "The Grand Turnabout" was, I can let it not going too much into depth about Lang's grudge against Blaise slide. But even then, I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed since Blaise's role in the fall of the House of Lang was built up from the moment we first met Lang, only for it to lead to essentially a shoulder shrug when the two of them are finally in the same room. I mean, the least they could have done was have Lang refer to Blaise as a bastard at one point or another. And what adds salt to the wounds of disappointment is that, as you've said, the fall of the House of Lang gets an epic theme that shows just how much Blaise's ruthless, sadistic nature devastated Lang.

Considering that the Phantom was able to live as Fulbright for a year without arousing any suspicion, I think that it's safe to say that the way he acted was extremely close to, if not identical, to how the original Bobby was like; with the only difference being that the original Bobby would probably be a bit more hesitant to shock Simon in court. But Fulbright's coworkers and superiors probably contributed that little inconstancy with him getting a bit carried away. So with that in mind, I love Bobby because he was just so energetic and earnest in his pursuit of justice. In a game where the focus is how there's so much corruption and deceit in the justice system, having such an optimistic, idealistic character as the main detective was a breath of fresh air.

When Shelly met Simon, I think that he just skipped the song and said something along the lines of, "Do you know what happened to the last client who betrayed me?" before showing him Matt's decapitated head.

 **JP:** guacamole in lieu of butter on bread? I've heard a stranger combinations (my best friend has been known to dip her McDonald's French fries into her ice cream!) but I love my avocado so I will definitely have to give that a try I do know it is delicious sliced up on toast!

I really love the head canon that even though Detective Badass turned himself in at the end of the first game he was defended by Raymond Shields and therefore didn't have to do any time. As for assassins being able to sing… I can't put anything past a killer since he managed to fool the biggest logical genius in the game. I don't want to think of Maya being tortured by a steely cold voice as she's been through enough or ready… That's the stuff nightmares are made of! But I don't mind the idea of clown boy quaking in his oversight shoes at this ditty! J

I really truly madly deeply did not care much for Lang's backstory and felt it was quite unnecessary in an otherwise compelling storyline of unforgettable characters. It's like are you supposed to be Edgeworth's nemesis or friend it's impossible to tell really but essentially he was the jelly to Edgeworth's burger. The knife to his soup. The glitter to his sushi. The catch up to his ice cream. My point is, much like Wocky Kitaki (yes I know totally unrelated but I just hate him!) he was worthless. Yes his theme song was kind of cool but I still prefer Detective Badd's. And yes I have a shameless pseudo-crush for Tyrell Badd! (More like reverence really nothing like my Yen for Phoenix that is unparalleled to anybody!) To be honest aside from Dual Destinies the Miles games are my favourite soundtrack in the entire series! :-)


	36. How We Stick Around

_CT: TheFreelancerSeal, your suggestion for this parody has reminded me of a question that has been bugging ever since I first played "Apollo Justice": How has Winston Payne been able to keep his job for so long? He acts like a weenie, dresses like a weenie, came up with a horrible name for a weenie, and has lost nearly every case we've seen him prosecute. In fact, his only successful case was Maggey's bogus trial that led to the events of "Recipe for Turnabout" that Tigre was intentionally trying to lose. Granted, every prosecutor we've seen in the series has lost at least once, but Winston constantly loses to attorneys who have absolutely no experience. As for Gaspen, since his first appearance is in "Dual Destinies", we have absolutely no idea of how long he was working at the L.A. Prosecutor's Office. He could have been working there for about a year, as my wonderful cowriter believes, or he could have been there for about as long as Winston and was just as unnoticeable. Though no matter how long Gaspen was working in the same building as Edgeworth, I think we can all agree that he was nothing but a real Payne and that he wasn't fired soon enough._

 _JP: Kudos to my friend and loyal reader for this choice of (obscure) tune/flick, as I'd never heard of either till now, but not only is it unique it's also pretty creepy seeing as how it's a song by a bunch of Weasel characters… And who better to fit the role than Tweedle Screechy and Tweedle Slimy? Props to my partner for purposefully encompassing the hilarious Payne Edgeworth endured witnessing this duet!_

* * *

 ** _"How We Stick Around"_**  
 **Sung to the tune of "Secret of Survival (in a Very Nasty World)"  
from Disney's** ** _The Wind in the Willows_**

 ** _["You wanted to see me, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth?"_** _Gaspen nervously asks as a police officer escorts him into the courthouse lobby after his failed attempt to flee the building.]_

 ** _["Yes."_** _Edgeworth curtly responds with crossed arms._ _ **"I want to talk to you about-"]**_

 ** _["Hello, Gaspen. Sorry I'm late."_** _Winston states, inadvertently cutting off his superior as he walks into the building._ _ **"Traffic was a nightmare, and Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth has been bogging me down with work and being a real pain in my - Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, fancy seeing you here! Is that a new cravat you're wearing?"**_ _The older Payne brother asks with his hands folded together and an anxious smile on his face when he notices the maroon-cladded prosecutor's presence and tries to make up for the comment he was about to utter.]_

 ** _["What are you doing here, Winston?"_** _Edgeworth sighs in exasperation at the fact that he now has to deal with double the Payne.]_

 ** _["I knew that my brother had a trial today. So I figured that after he was done, we could go out for lunch. Care to join us, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth?"_** _Winston confidently asks as he taps his forehead.]_

 ** _["As much as I would love to give you a snide remark about how I'd rather do anything else, Winston, I currently have more pressing matters to attend to in the form of your brother's performance- namely, his use of forged evidence in court and how he ruthlessly badgers witnesses."]_**

 ** _["Objection!"_** _Gaspen hisses._ _ **"Sometimes it's necessary to get a guilty verdict by any means possible. Look at what Wright did with Gavin last year."]**_

 ** _["I agree with my brother, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth."_** _Winston chimes in._ _ **"I was there when Mr. Wright manipulated his attorney to use forged evidence to save himself and convict Mr. Gavin. So if you want to punish my brother, you should also punish Mr. Wright."]**_

 ** _["I could spend hours discussing how Wright's use of forged evidence is entirely different, but I digress…"_** _Edgeworth states as he adjusts his glasses._ _ **"Even when you utilize fake evidence and seriously stack trials in your favor, Gaspen, you still somehow manage to lose almost as often as your brother, who has never used questionable tactics even once during his career. In fact, after reviewing your work history for the last ten years, I discovered that you've actually lost more cases than him!" The maroon-cladded prosecutor exclaims. "How you two are still prosecutors after all of these years is beyond me."]**_

 ** _["Well…"_** _Gaspen smirks.]_

* * *

 **{Gaspen and Winston}**

First you face us,

Then you don't.

Want a rematch?

We think you won't.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

Facing rookies,

That's our choice,

And when they lose,

We rejoice.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

* * *

 ** _["Seriously?"_** _Edgeworth asks with a look of disdain on his face._ _ **"Are your jobs really so challenging that you have to stoop that low?"]**_

 ** _["They are indeed that tough, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth…"_** _Gaspen smirks as he taps his toupee.]_

* * *

 **{Gaspen and Winston}**

Tougher than anything you could know.

 _{Gaspen}_

At the trial's start,

To its very end

* * *

 ** _{Winston}_**

Bluffing attorneys,

Around every bend

* * *

 **{Gaspen and Winston}**

Eager to object,

Ruining your case while putting on a show.

* * *

 _{Gaspen}_

If we don't do what we do,

Then how are we supposed to grow?

* * *

 **{Gaspen and Winston}**

Every prosecutor in court's got to watch out for themselves.

We don't have loyal lackeys or assistants who'll help us excel,

When we're in the courtroom,

Where everyone makes our lives a living hell when they scream at us and yell!

First you face us,

Then you don't.

Want a rematch?

We think you won't.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

Facing rookies,

That's our choice,

And when they lose,

We rejoice.

That's how we stick around,

That's how we stick around,

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office!

* * *

 ** _["I look forward to your next month's salary assessment."_** _Edgeworth coldly states, not wasting any time or pulling any punches as he glowers at the younger Payne brother, prompting the toupee-wearing prosecutor to reel back in shock.]_

 ** _["Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Please forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"_** _Gaspen shrieks as he sprints out of the courthouse while trying his hardest to keep his toupee from flying off his head.]_

 ** _["Gaspen, wait for me!"_** _Winston screams as he chases after his brother.]_

 _[Not long after the Payne brothers flee from the courthouse, the police officer who had escorted Gaspen to the Chief Prosecutor speaks up.]_

 ** _["Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, don't forget that you have an interview with a reporter in Defendant Lobby Two."]_**

 ** _["Thank you, officer. Hopefully, they won't be as much of a Payne to talk to."_** _Edgeworth sneers with outstretched arms.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 34**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** Unlike the common definition of 'screwing' someone, which is to mess with them, Shelly's probably refers to the act of swiftly killing the person in question with a screwdriver by stabbing them once in the jugular.

 **JP:** If you mean by _screwing_ you mean literally having a rusty screwdriver be stuck between your shoulder blades when you're least expecting it then yes Shelly would definitely fit the bill! As for your request from Aladdin, that seems to be a pretty popular Disney movie for reader songfic choices, and will definitely see what we can do! :-)

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Oddly enough, even though he's a coldblooded assassin and kidnapped Maya, I've never seen Shelly as a villain. On the contrary, I view him as an antihero- more specifically, a dark-version of Phoenix. Granted, Phoenix and Shelly's careers are very different, but both men put complete trust in their clients and do everything in their power to protect them… that is, unless said client betrays that trust, in which case they're screwed. Not to mention, Shelly is polite and in no way antagonistic towards anyone who hasn't personally wronged him, making it where he comes off as the kind of guy who's just doing his job and nothing more.

Now don't laugh when I say this, but my overall favorite case in the series is "Recipe for Turnabout". Even though Jean Armstrong haunts my nightmares to this day, the investigations were pretty straightforward, the testimonies were entertaining and didn't pull any punches, and Tigre, despite his 'roar first, punch second' mentality, was actually quite a cunning villain. Sure, Tigre's no Luke Atmey or the Mastermind from "Investigations 2", but he would have been able to get away with his murder if it wasn't for Phoenix doing some quick thinking at the last second with the ear medicine.

Though when it comes to plot-important cases, "The Forgotten Turnabout" is my preferred choice since we see just how close Edgeworth and Kay are as friends, in addition to seeing Sebastian finally being put in his place thanks to Franziska's whip and gaining some much-needed character development thanks to his father's sharp forked tongue. Furthermore, since Blaise is my favorite villain in the series, I can't help but love the case where he's first introduced and serves as the primary antagonist.

 **JP:** I like to think of Shelley as the Deadpool of the Ace Attorney series… An antihero like my copilot's side. Yes he is calculating and ruthless but I'd like to think he will only kill those who deserve it and I cling to my headcanon that he was the one who snipered Vader helmet hair in Dual Destinies!

I did enjoy _The Jungle Book_ because it was one of the few times the main protagonist was a female and I did like seeing how they Disney's take on an ethnic character/background. My favourite case in the series would definitely be Turnabout Time Traveler just because it was Phaya heaven, the old gang was back together (Larry's character assassination and regression notwithstanding!) And it was also Wrightworth Bromantic heaven! Big top is up there with Turnabout storyteller as least favourite in the series… If you count the Miles games that last battle against a withered tree in the last case of the first game was quite painful! Ugh!

 **Chapter 35**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Iris Hawthorne is a really good textbook example of nurture versus nature sure they both stem from Lady Macbeth of a mother but being raised by a nun definitely makes her worthy of that angelic face which is wasted on her Satan's succubus twin, even if the character is generally as bland as a political potatoes! However, I'd like to think that the beauty could team even the most way word shield womanizer is like the Butz, seeing as how she's one of the only women in the series who never actually turned him down upon hearing of his ardor, but just express genuine bewilderment upon hearing it! As for your request… I love beauty and the beast and I have a great idea in mind for _Be Our Guest!_ J

 **CT:** Sure, Larry's intelligence is often very questionable, but if he has one thing going in his favor, it's that he puts 110% into making any potential relationships work. Heck, he was contemplating robbing Gumshoe so he could be sent to jail and be with Iris. The only thing Larry does wrong when it comes to his romantic relationships is usually targeting women who are either already taken or are shallow, immature, and will dump him the second they find something- or in Donna's case, someone- better. Thankfully, Iris, despite her overall bland character, is nothing.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** when you keep saying you have a soft centre I just keep thinking of those ritual commercials about how many licks does it take to get to the centre Tootsie pop with its sweet soft centre? :p

Jokes aside, I am very touched whenever people start shipping a couple like FedEx based on my works, and as long as Phoenix isn't shipped with her since I staunchly insist he belongs of Maya, I really don't mind Iris, especially after writing her. Larry is a complete buffoon and the occasional blight on the face of humanity, but I really think he wouldn't screw out that he actually landed a good woman who wasn't a vapid model, even though she is definitely as pretty as one. Thank you so much for the kind words my friend I hope you enjoyed this latest request of yours!

 **CT:** Before I started reading JP's Larris works, I was the same way. When it came to shipping Larry, I couldn't see anything more than him getting a pity date with Franziska after weeks of begging and groveling. But when I first saw JP shipping him with Iris in "Turnabout Everlasting", I saw how the relationship could work. After all, if a woman is willing to date Larry, she has to have the patience of a saint and a high threshold for drama. So who better to fill that role than a nun whose mother is Morgan and whose twin sister is Dahlia?

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** If you have read my hilarious copilot's Imperial Daddy there is a certain scene about Inga's specific birthday celebrations which I shamelessly used in Filling the Void which inspired me to create mood music by YouTube superstar, Epic Sax Guy, serenading him on saxophone to the tune of _Careless Whisper_ while the background b-day"festivities" ran wild - although the setting was nowhere near as sweet and sappy as this one! Great minds think alike! XD

 **CT:** Knowing Larry, "Careless Whisper" has played in his head whenever he met a girl that he thought was even remotely cute. So suffice to say, Larry is probably so familiar with that song that it might as well be his brain's equivalent to elevator music.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I really do love writing this duo, and I did make a few fairytale parallels to their love story in Turnabout Everlasting, with Cinderella when he was tending to her ankle, but more accurately Rapunzel, since she was pretty much secluded away as a nun the same way the poor Princess was stuck in her remote tower only to be rescued by her lovesick fool/bard! The Ace Attorney cast is so amazing I love giving everybody their happily ever after!

 **CT:** That's one thing that I love about my wonderful co-writer- even though she feels that Iris has about as much personality as saltine cracker that was sitting out in the hot sun all day, she manages to give her such a cute fairytale-esque romance with Larry. And considering that Larry was so desperate for love that he was actively helping a newly-married bride escape from the police in the hopes that she would run away with him, JP gave him some much-deserved happiness as well.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** it's wonderful that you're keeping up with the parodies milady, I look forward to seeing what you come up with, and I know it's been a while since we last posted a song, but I am finally winding down and getting sorted my crazy schedule with its new hours so I will be able to have more frequency, and your request is definitely in the pipeline of soon to come! Glad to know you appreciate a good romance… You're one of my few female readers as most my reviewers to my work tend to be males which is always pleasantly surprising considering almost exclusively Wright romance! Hail to our fluffy socks diehard romantic readers male and female!

 **CT:** You're right on the money regarding the mastermind behind "My Beautiful Iris". I may thrive when it comes to villain songs, but JP is the queen of romantic fluff. If I was tasked with writing even a single chapter of something akin to "Turnabout Everlasting", you might as well just throw me in a vat of acid, because that level of cuteness and love without any form of negativity would kill me… or at the very least, cause me to break out in a bad case of hives and/or burst into flames.

Regarding your "Out There" parody suggestion, we are indeed working on it. But to avoid spoiling just what exactly it entails, I'll give you a little hint: if you liked "My Beautiful Iris", then you'll be pleased with it.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP** : AJ, while being the redheaded stepchild of the AA universe for most part, gave us some deplorable characters who were not traditional villains (as in not killed anything but my sanity) like Drew Misham, Zak Gramarye and Fox Boy – except all but the latter of the 3 got what was coming to them, so I hold a secret hate boner for that douche canoe!

You wanna talk food weirdness? All of these were foods offered at the Canadian national exhibition (and were featured as REAL FOOD people PAID to eat in my Phaya one-shot: _My Life Would Suck Without You)_

*A fried, pig-ear sandwich, topped with maple bacon, cheddar cheese, and chipotle aioli

*A sweet potato tart topped with bacon, (naturally), and a warm marshmallow in the center

*A Philly Steaklair: a traditional cheese-steak sandwich stuffed into a classic French éclair, topped with chocolate icing and whipped cream

*The comically, yet wholly inappropriately named Threesome Burger. It had the flavors from Canada, Italy and Greece come together in one over-the-top burger: Canadian mac and cheese, Italian meatballs and Greek fries packed on top of a meaty patty, with feta cheese and bacon adding the final touches.

*Chocolate Diablo Waffle Cone: a spicy sundae, made with wasabi peas and Sriracha caramel.

This year – Hong Kong French toast – deep fried cheese curds, peanut butter, condensed milk and slab of butter and a S'mores fried chicken sandwich! (yes chocolate and marshmallows on a fried chicken cutlet!)

As for Larris – they're more believable if you pretend Larry's character regression in Time Traveler never happened. Hey, DLC ain't canon usually anyway, Wright? :p

 **CT:** Considering how confident in his manipulation abilities Simon is, coupled with how much he wanted to capitalize on one of his most powerful enemies giving a speech at Gourd Lake, I believe he would have taken that deal thinking that he wouldn't make the same mistakes that Matt did. Plus, if Simon tried to break Dogen out of prison, he'd run the risk of alerting Roland to his plans, which would prompt her to tell Blaise and Huang, making it where they would become truly untouchable.

When it comes to detectives in the series, Luke Atmey hardly counts since he was a self-proclaimed detective whose accomplishments were entirely rigged. That's like saying that Barnham is one of the best prosecutors in the series because of his impressive win record in Labyrinthia. Though speaking of detectives, I believe that perhaps Badd did recognize Edgeworth's last name, but since Miles was essentially Manfred von Karma Jr. in terms of attitude, ethics, and attire, the veteran detective pretended not to know the last name in order to cope with the pain of seeing Gregory's legacy being dragged through the mud.

Considering that Maya- at age 28 and after dealing with so many trials and tribulations- boasted that she was able to get burgers and a t.v. out of Inga when he held her captive, then I can only imagine the kinds of horrors Shelly had to endure. That's why I personally believe that Shelly only starved Maya to get her to stop complaining after she repeatedly snubbed the perfectly good vegetables that he'd give her, in addition to her calling him a geezer when he refused to let her watch cartoons and/or watch them with her.

There may still be hope yet for Larry to find love canonically since he caught the bouquet in "Turnabout Time Traveler"… that is, if Maya, Ema, and Athena didn't kill him.


	37. Objections

_JP: Miles is my fave Prosecutie, and has the best character development in the entire series, in my opinion. He's come such a long way from his original DB debut! But still, I'd like to think even though he was brainwashed into being a hubristic Manfred clone, he still had a bit of a conscience for what he'd become, what with being called "Demon Prosecutor" and falling as far from Gregory's exemplary ways as possible. I think his change of heart truly began after running into Nick again in the first game all those years later and hearing his old childhood friend lament how much Miles had "changed."_

 _This request goes out to our wonderful loyal new reader Teardrop1013 on A03 :)_

 _CT: While Edgeworth may have a stoic exterior, beneath his death glare and cravat are tremendous feelings of regret, guilt, and sorrow. Think about it- Edgeworth spent 15 years believing that he killed his father- a man who he loved and admired with all of his heart- and went against everything the man stood for by becoming a prosecutor as ruthless as his murderer. But arguably, the worst part of it all was when the truth was revealed to Edgeworth and he was faced with the dilemma of what to do next. Should he remain as a prosecutor, try to move past this or become a defense attorney like his father and fix his mistakes, or some combination of the two? That's another reason why I love "Investigations 2"- it gives us an_ insight to _the kinds of emotional struggles that Edgeworth has been dealing with since the end of the first game. And it's these emotional struggles that my wonderful cowriter perfectly captures in this parody_.

* * *

[Phoenix: "I just don't get it, Edgeworth, how you're now this… this coldhearted prosecutor who couldn't care less that he may be convicting innocent defendants and only care about winning! Why this drastic turnabout in character? You used to be such a good guy, who used to dream of being a defense attorney, just like your father!"]

 _*At the mention of Gregory Edgeworth, a pang flashes through the prosecutor, which he skillfully hides with his typical stoic air of ennui as the defense attorney earnestly continues.*_

[Phoenix: "That boy who defended me all those years ago… where is he now? How did you come to be like this? What _happened_ to you?"]

[Edgeworth: _*clutches his arm and turns away*_ "Grow up Wright! It's been 15 years, and we're not 9-year olds anymore! People change. _I've_ changed _. Deal with it!"]_

[Phoenix: _*shakes his head mournfully*_ "If this is who you _truly_ are now, Edgeworth, a man more obsessed with perfect conviction records than the truth, then I'm going to go home now and mourn the loss of that little boy I once knew - and the man I thought he'd become. See ya."]

 _*walks away sadly and exits through the courtroom doors, leaving the prosecutor alone in the hallway*_

[Edgeworth: _*steels his jaw* "_ Obviously Wright hasn't changed at all! He's still the same naïve, jejune simpleton he was as a schoolboy, preaching about this so-called "truth" of his… _*sees a court officer goggling at him after witnessing the lawyers' exchange, and feeling flustered, subjects the poor man to his trademark glare*_ And just are _you_ looking at, you fool?"

 _*Bailiff scampers off in terror from the Demon Prosecutor's deathly stare and Edgeworth sighs heavily as he pushes open the door to the empty men's room, staring at himself in the mirror*_

[Edgeworth: "Yet another person swiftly judging me and mentally condemning me. I should be used to it by now. I've tried to convince myself I don't care what Wright, or anyone, thinks! So why does it hurt so damn much?"]

* * *

 **"Objections"  
** **Sung to the tune of "Reflections" from  
Disney's** ** _Mulan  
_** **(Christina Aguilera version)**

 _[Edgeworth]_

Gawk at me  
You may think you know  
What I truly am  
But none see the true me

* * *

Was raised this way  
Not born like this from the start

* * *

Such a shame  
Few see past my mask  
So I fall in role  
And I'm forced to play the part

* * *

Who was I born to be?  
Heir of the great Gregory?  
When will my objections prove  
What I try to hide?

* * *

What would Dad  
Think of what I have  
Now become?  
Prosecutor Demon?

* * *

Thought to be  
From the Netherworld  
They don't know my heart  
Or that it's all one big sham

* * *

Who was I born to be?  
Heir of the great Gregory?  
Why must my objections bare  
A man I don't know?

* * *

All this time I'm dead inside  
From these tears my heart has cried  
When will my objections  
Prove what I try to hide?

* * *

There's a part which no one sees  
Deep inside  
Dad would be so ashamed  
And I know why

* * *

His legacy so long concealed  
I am naught but a heel  
All that he had ever been  
I've gone and brushed aside

* * *

I don't defend man's crimes  
I jail them for all time

* * *

When will my objections prove  
What I try to hide?  
When will my objections prove  
What I try to hide?

* * *

[Edgeworth: _*bangs his head softly against the glass*_ Oh, Father. What would you think of me now? Is there any validity to Wright's words? What are these unnecessary feelings of uncertainty and doubt that foolish man has reawakened within me?!"]

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 36**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Considering that Edgeworth had mistaken Winston as the Prosecutor's Office's janitor, he's probably been able to stick around because none of his superiors remember that he even exists. As for Gaspen, the only thing that kept him from getting fired was that he refused to leave and the Prosecutor's Office's security guards couldn't get a firm grip on him thanks to the slime he secretes from his body like the slug he is. Fortunately, when Edgeworth threatened Gaspen with that pay cut during the credits in "Dual Destinies", Tweedle-Slimy was probably running so fast that he slipped on his own slime trail, sliding across the ocean, over the mountains, and right into Khura'in.

 **JP:** Thanks for the kind words. I am so flattered that you love Larris, and that my OC The Dragon Lady is up there with the despicable and diabolical Engarde for you, milady! She's off in SUBURBIA now though, so we can finally "pull the lever" on ol' Mildew! :p

Yeah, I hadn't heard of this song or movie till Seal asked for it- but I agree it's creepy AF! No offense taken!

Edgeworth is a different type of cool from Klavier (although equally as popular with the ladies although he does nothing to solicit the frothing desire from the female masses!) whereas fop is suaver, Edgy is so self-assuredly smooth he makes silk look rough – the only thing to ever ruffle on that man is his neckwear! So it's no surprise he was still civil with his icy disdain – but in the end, those Paynes got OWNED! XD

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Considering that Gregory also needed glasses, I think that it may simply be a matter of genetic nearsightedness. That would also explain how Edgeworth misread the sign for Dusky Bridge as 'Dusty Bridge' in "Bridge to the Turnabout".

 **JP:** I truly hope fans aren't impressionable enough to adopt morally depraved ideals from AA such as the end justifies the means… would be mighty Means of them if they did! Especially when there are much cooler mottos to adopt, such as Journey's – er I mean Nick's philosophy of "Don't Stop Believing" (In your clients!) As for Edgy's spectacled look – I have a cool twist about his glasses origin in TE (I know you don't read it as it's full of pairings that aren't your thing) so since that's the case… he's pushing 40 now, plus is married to his work/paperwork – maybe just par for the course with the aging process?

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** With how Barnham is, he could quickly become a renowned prosecutor once he got his badge. And even though he doesn't have a perfect win record, at least he hasn't assaulted any defense attorneys with whips, coffee, or finger slashes.

If Larry lost his memories, it would actually help the case immensely. Imagine a conversation where Larry doesn't try to derail the entire investigation with his horribly obvious lies that make you seriously question Phoenix and Edgeworth's choice in friends. While on that subject, if Larry tried to press charges, the police would look at his history and present the accused party with a muffin basket and a thank-you card for doing the world a massive favor.

 **JP:** It's hilarious at this point Maya has been kidnapped enough times to actually have a favorite kidnapper since Inga actually indulged her TV shows and burgers obsession but obviously Shelley starved her since she inhaled four plates of food at her welcome back banquet… Although I don't really know if that's saying much since I think she would eat that much anyway… How is she not 400 pounds?! Spirit channeling must burn some serious calories!

Regarding Barnham, who I indeed made a prosecutor in my story, and tear-jerking moments, Constantine's backstory had me nearly sobbing like a baby! What is with the Japanese attacking us in the feels department even when it comes to animals?! That poor puppy! :(

Fun fact: I read that the reason Gaspen Payne was created is that the voice actor played Winston Payne was straining his vocal cords too much with that screeching. Poor Edgeworth has been through enough trauma in his life, leave it to my hilarious but sadistic partner to suggest him to a double dose of Payne, but at least Miles got the last laugh in the end since they ran away screaming although I bet he's wishing he had earplugs since I have no doubt they broke the sound barrier!

It is so funny that you mentioned being thrown off a high surface and hospitals pertaining to Larry. I really wish they hadn't made him such a one-dimensional character, because almost every other character in the series has had some great character growth throughout the games the most notable being Miles Edgeworth, although his regression is still worse than Athena's, who seemed so helpless when left to her own devices that Turnabout storyteller now rivals Turnabout big top for least favourite case for me even though Simon is hilarious!

For a mere half-hour investment of your time, I offer you this wonderful link if you have not already seen it to some fantastic original music and performances in the Phoenix Wright Musical available to you on YouTube at the following link: **bit . ly / 2wdkYlf** (if something smells it's probably the Butz indeed!) :p

 **DJJ680**

 **CT** : DJJ680: Considering that "Spirit of Justice" has given us characters such as Ahlbi Ur'gaid, Tahrust Inmee, and Inga Karkhuul Haw'kohd Dis'nahm Bi'ahni Lawga Ormo Pohmpus Da'nit Ar'edi Iz Khura'in III, I'd say that all of us "Ace Attorney" fans are entitled to at least one Payneful pun.

 **JP:** Singing in the Payne indeed, Wright? :p

As for your request, since it's from my all-time fave Disney movie, lemme see what I can do ;)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Surprisingly enough, if Winston was being honest, then he actually had a longer undefeated record than both Edgeworth and Franziska during his first seven years as a prosecutor. Who knows? Maybe Winston was actually an extremely skilled prosecutor who was able to get his brother hired thanks to his influence, only for everything to start going downhill the second he lost his hair. But then again, if your nickname is the "Rookie Killer", then how skilled can you truly be?

Don't worry about not being able to distinguish Winston from Gaspen. Once you see one Payne, you see them all. In a sense, they're like cockroaches- they're indistinguishable, they can be found all over the world, and no matter how hard you stomp on them, you always find at least five more. Even "Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright" wasn't safe from the Payne Plague due to the fact that you have to deal with Prosecutor Flynch during the first trial, a.k.a. London Payne.

 **JP:** Always glad to know we can still deliver the laughs, even almost half a year later (holy Toledo Batman, where did the time go?!) and as for how Gaspen got his job… I cry nepotism! As for Winston – apparently, he used to be competent (although definitely annoying and ear-splitting still!) in his prime, as he went 7 years undefeated when he first began. Then Mia happened…and he thence began losing more than just his hair! (as for one of the bros meeting a Payne-ful ending… I'd vote for Gaspen. After all he tried to get my Nick AND a little boy wrongfully executed due to a mere bruised ego, fiendish weasel that he is!)

And of course, we did your suggestion, silly! We do our best to do them all if it's in our capabilities, and thank you and all our readers in advance for your patience because it's quite a long request list! So glad you enjoyed Edgey's Payne-d experience – imagine if poor Big Red had been subjected to that caterwauling! Her sensitive ears would never have recovered! So glad you enjoyed! :)


	38. Inga

_CT: At one point when I was writing "The Imperial Daddy", LemonSmoothie brought up how they imagine Inga having Jim Cunning's Pete voice- something that I agree with after seeing how similar Pete's voice is to the one I use when writing for Inga, as well as how Pete's relationship with Maleficent in "Kingdom Hearts 2" is eerily similar to our favorite Minister of Justice's marriage to Ga'ran. So when JP and I started this fanfic, one of the first things I did was look up songs sung by Pete, and the second I saw "Pete's King of France" and heard the lyrics, I knew that this song was made for Inga and that it would be a crime if I didn't write this parody._

 _JP: Inga is the epitome despicable, nefarious and abominable as a human being and (if you read CT's works, according to the Bloodthirsty Spider,, as a husband!) and those are his_ _ **better**_ _qualities! However, as is tradition, anything my co-pilot touches turns to hilarity, and this is no exception. Also, it made me watch the movie, which was beyond adorable! :)_

* * *

 _ **"Inga's King of Khura'in"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of "Petey's King of France" from Disney's  
** _ **Mickey, Donald, and Goofy: The Three Musketeers**_

Some say I'm nasty and crass  
That I'm rude, and an ass.  
You wanna know why I'm a prick,  
Here's my reason why:

* * *

After my marriage was forced,  
Wifey yelled:

 _{Mocking Ga'ran's voice}_  
Why me?  
He's such a bother!  
Holy Mother,  
His manhood's a little flea!

* * *

 _{Mocking Amara's voice}  
_ Inga's brutish,  
He's a slob,  
He's an impious, foolish snob.

* * *

Shut up, in-law,  
'Cause I'll claw,  
To get what I want!

* * *

So I'm a jerk,  
So I'm mean,  
I'll be king,  
And'll be seen!  
You'll be dead,  
After I overthrow that cantankerous queen!  
Ha!

* * *

If ya can't be nice,  
Be feared.  
Don't take follies twice,  
Have 'em speared.  
Rule with an iron fist,  
And you'll surely be revered.

* * *

I'm so excited,  
I feel wise,  
And with my spies,  
I'll surely rise!

* * *

I'll pull the strings,  
Give me nice things,  
'Cause Inga's King of Khura'in!

I'll pull the strings,  
Give me nice things,  
'Cause Inga's King of Khuraaaaaaaaaa'in!

* * *

 _ **["Hey, why are you all laughing?!"]**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 37**

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Edgeworth has got to be one of the most heroically tragic characters in AA – even may give Polly, the only one not accused of murder – YET! – a run for his money, and I love how he's such a developed character. I am so glad you enjoyed this poignant reflection into his backstory. :)

As for who to do for your request – I may need to go to the think tank with my creative collaborator. I never thought of Rayfa but that opens up some wonderful possibilities. Thank you!

 **CT:** When it comes to writing parodies for songs like "I can't Wait to be King", the biggest problem typically isn't having little to no ideas, but rather having to decide on one scenario out of a dozen or so equally-entertaining options. But I can promise that no matter what characters we choose for what role, it'll be a fun time for all.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Edgeworth is such a complex character, I've already blocked him by making him be a pompous guest on want to be in my first song I wrote about him, and then my devilishly hilarious copilot tortured him with his geriatric stalker in the Scooby-Doo parody, so I figured let's give the poor guy some depth and flashback to his road to redemption. I honestly believe Phoenix saving his soul from the dark side is the reason why Miles will and still does to this day do everything for Nick no questions asked from the twice charting a private jet to undoubtedly being the mastermind who helped put together that jurist system which cleared Phoenix's name when he was disbarred.

Have you ever heard of _Aviary Attorney_? Fantastic fan game and because of that if I'm not picturing Phoenix as a dragon or a mythical bird that rises from the ashes, (I like to think of him as a Gryphon just because my headcanon is that's his middle name) I can see him as being a majestic falcon with Maya being his sidekick sparrow and Edgeworth being a pompous caulk that is rooster at least if we're talking about original trilogy Edgeworth, much like the one featured in the Mulan parody. As for the Payne brothers… Weasels both of them! I see Kristoph as a peacock… Or snake. Simon, of course, is a hawk. And Athena is a yellow check while Apollo would be a parent… Of course, I have seen wonderful fan art of the Ace Attorney cast are drawn as Pokémon character animals as well… But at least I didn't compare them to a Flock of Seagulls! :p

As always thank you for being so amazing milady!

 **CT:** I'm glad that you liked the song. It really helps that Edgeworth is one of the deepest and complex characters in the series who tries to hide all of his hurt behind an icy glare.

When it comes to picturing the "Ace Attorney" cast as animals, I can't help but see Phoenix as a dragon- he's cunning and has his tiger counterpart in the form of Furio- or an actual phoenix since he keeps getting back up no matter how many times he's beaten down; Maya as a spider monkey because she's little, yet mischievous; Edgeworth as an owl for obvious reasons, Pearl as a kangaroo because while she looks harmless, she packs a mean punch; Gumshoe as a grizzly bear because he's large, scruffy, and probably has eaten food out of a dumpster on numerous occasions; Apollo as either an antelope due to his 'horns' or a howler monkey because of his loud voice; Athena as dolphin because she's intelligent and playful; and Trucy as a dove because of their association with magic and overall peaceful nature.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** I actually never minded that pairing of Athena and Klavier too much, Athena's one of the few people who I multi-shipped although I prefer her with Apollo I've never been against her and Simon, and admiration lies we know she at least thinks the fop is beautiful and that that is the reason Apollo is so prickly around him! That being said, I'm happy you thought the song for Edgeworth turned out well, Thankyouverymuch! As for friendship song about these three guys… I'm open to suggestions but definitely see what I can do! :)

 **CT:** Considering that Apollo, Athena, and Klavier all have similar ideals, I'd say that they get along pretty well outside of the courtroom. And even if they couldn't be friends purely based on morals, I'm sure that Klavier and Athena would get plenty of fun out of teasing Apollo about his height, forehead, hair, voice, outfit, and… well, everything else.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _Legendary_? Me?! After I finished giggling maniacally at your after credits scenario which is way too easy to picture (poor Gumshoe if they cut his salary anymore he'll have to _pay_ to come to work!) I am not worthy of such praise, Señor Silver Tongue, but nevertheless, I humbly thank you for your kind words! Nosferatu is the opposite of King Midas everything he touches turns to _scheisse_! Let's be honest Bratworth was a complete shit when he was younger, what with calling your kitten a bimbo, and we all know one of the reasons he'll always bend over backward for Nick is that the valiant blue attorneys saved the man from going to the dark side! (Perish the thought of Edgeworth being compared to coffee he is strictly a tea drinker!) XD

 **CT:** Forgreatcoffee: Upon reading your comment, I couldn't help but picture Manfred dressing up like Snow Miser from "The Year Without Santa Clause" and referring to himself as Right Miser while singing about how everything becomes perfect in his grasp. And as for Gumshoe, at that point in the timeline, he wished he could afford ramen. That luxury was lost in "Turnabout Sisters" when Gumshoe failed to notice the conversation that Maya had recorded of her and Mia on her cellphone and actually gave it to Phoenix without much of a fight.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I see you've been dipping into the psychic juice yet again my friend… One of our readers actually asked for _Can You Feel The Love Tonight_ and it's definitely coming up! Much like with a lot of the songs and movies you have suggested and mentioned, I am unfamiliar with God help the outcasts, but you have yet to mention something that I have despised, so now I have to go check it out! I'm very touched that you enjoyed my delving into the depths of Miles's then murky soul as he reflected on his life choices!

As for singing, I sound like a squealing pig in a vacuum cleaner so paying homage to my own work in that regard is not happening! I suppose I could offer my firstborn child as thanks anybody that actually sing this for me though… XD

As always thank you for my kind words, bud. Readers like you are the reason I keep writing even on these sleepless nights that have become my current existence!

 **CT:** If you like a song, then like a song and don't let anyone tell you different. As long as you act civil when discussing your taste in music with others, then you're free to like whatever songs you want. And when it comes to writing a parody based on Edgeworth's raging inner turmoil, you can't do it justice unless you base it off of a song that has everything that you just described.

When it comes to singing, you're preaching to the tone-deaf choir. When I sing, most of the time it comes out flatter than Juniper's personality. But it really makes my day knowing that you think so highly of our parodies. And if someone were to make vocal versions of them, I wouldn't know what to say.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** I have a long ago decided that I would not write Turnabout Time Traveler if I decide to incorporate the spirit of Justice storyline in Turnabout Everlasting because of desecration of Larry's character as well as Larris… But when I was toying with the idea the only way I would've made it work is if he had amnesia, and forgot about his beautiful wife as I have written him having! It would've been the only way his skirt-chasing even into his 30s would've been excusable even marginally!

A muffin basket? That is so hilariously random… I have never been a good baker myself whenever I try to make anything like muffins they end up tasting like hockey pucks… Although since I'm Canadian maybe that's just my way of trying to patriotic! XD

As for everyone's favorite kidnapped resident Princess Peach, someone once suggested that the reason Maya is so gluttonous is that Morgan used to starve her growing up, claiming it would help her spiritual powers because she was such a sadistic bitch! In the anime, Maya did survive off some candy she had tucked into her spirit robes when she was kidnapped maybe that's how she got the extra calories she needed to do that strenuous channeling?

I have given up ever getting the games in English, although I do know some wonderful stands are up to case to in translating the first game. Also, I have seen both playthrough's of DGS one and two (they are so damn amazing Asougi is Miles's kinsman, mark my words!) and there is a litany of reasons why Ryu and Su are tied only with Phaya as my number one OTP and is much as it pains me to say it might even be considered more canon… Especially if you watch the hilarious Ace Attorney fifteen-year anniversary video on YouTube that shows Phoenix and Maya meeting Nick's ancestral great-grandparents (Ryu is canon Nick's ancestor… But if you finish watching the games I'm sure you would not entirely rule out Su being his great-grandma!)

I really think those Paynes could shatter glass along with eardrums and your last nerve… I would even try to be polite as I shoved the cotton balls in my ears prior to any conversation with them!

Edgeworth is fascinating because it's so obvious and it was blatantly stated that he and Nick are best friends, but he just turns into a complete jackass whenever he's in the courtroom! One of my favorite parts in Time Traveler though is when Maya suggests they all hang out with the judge outside of court and Edgeworth gets all lofty about fraternizing with the enemy… But then makes it clear he still wants an invitation and if it can wait till after the trial is over he would be happy to join them! XD

Why does he even bother pretending to be a hard ass, that cinnamon roll?!

Most people love Miles Edgeworth, and I am no exception. He is such a multifaceted and multilayered character it is such a joy to write him, and it brings me equal joy to know that you enjoyed this parody dedicated to him. Thank you, dear reader.

 **CT:** As much as I'd love to watch a subbed playthrough of both "Great Ace Attorney" games, I have not been able to figure out how to turn on the English subtitles for my iPad's YouTube. It's technical issues like this that make me relate to Phoenix on a spiritual level. But even though I haven't seen any gameplay, after looking at a few sprites, I'm certain of two things: Gant is somehow related to Hart Vortex, and Kristoph and Klavier are descendants of Sherlock Homes.

When it comes to "Turnabout Time Traveler", I have this insane crack theory that I consider in no way canon, but a funny joke nonetheless, about why Edgeworth's personality regressed for that specific case. Essentially, after being trapped in the elevator, Edgeworth suffered serious brain damage. Though Manfred wasn't going to let that stand in the way of his plans, so he took young Edgeworth to the best surgeon that money could buy who saved the boy with the help of a minicomputer fused to his brain that resembled a piece of clothing- a cravat. That's why Edgeworth's cravat was visible when Pierce took an x-ray of him- it's made of metal. In addition to negating the damage done to Edgeworth's brain, the computer made him cold, ruthless, and unfeeling, which was a major bonus for Manfred. Fortunately for Edgeworth, after losing his perfect record and discovering the truth about his mentor, two of cornerstones of the programming that Manfred had specifically requested to have codded in, the computer had a meltdown, shorting out the software that made him cold and ruthless while keeping the parts that enhanced his intelligence and maintained his health intact. However, the surgeon who implanted the computer in Edgeworth, to begin with, was Pierce's grandfather. So when Pierce was trying to convict Ellen, he made a visit one evening to Edgeworth's office and reset the software to its original state. Fortunately, Pierce's plans failed due to him not knowing that the computer was sensitive to x-rays, which caused it to once again malfunction and allow for Edgeworth to return to his original self. Essentially, think of that crack theory as a combination of the concept for "Six Million Dollar Man" and that one scene from "Toy Story 3" when Buzz was reset to 'Demo' mode.


	39. Les Garçons

_JP: Back to school/end of summer, as we now see you in September! New season, new month – perfect time for funny man and I to switch it up and do a couple more "opposite spectrum songs" as requested by readers, as in, I throw a couple of villain songs into the mix to change things up for this next round, and next chapter, we once again get to see CT's softer side in song-fics._

 _My readers who've read_ _ **Turnabout Everlasting**_ _(it's back this month –_ _ **so help me God!)**_ _have equally been groaning/grinning at my own portrayal zee man of disturbing torso wriggling, Jean Armstrong in the story. Moreover, my pal/loyal reader_ _ **TheFreelancerSeal**_ _had no qualms letting me know that reading about the man who butchered French as much as Redd White did English, quite often made his **own** lunch want to come up and take a bow! That's why when Seal asked me to parody the famous "villainous chef" tune through the eyes of a poor crab, I HAD to use the phony Frenchman because I'm evil like that! XD_

 _CT: After reading several comments we've received after "Edgey-poo, I Love You!", I feel that it's only right to warn you that this parody contains large quantities of Jean Armstrong, which has been linked to symptoms including but not limited to, stomach nausea, a phobia of the color pink and/or Franglish, and a strong desire to jump off a cliff. If you experience any of these symptoms, consult your a doctor or local bartender immediately._

 _But seriously, JP outdid herself with this parody. I thought I reached the apex of twisted songs with "Edgey-Poo, I Love You!", but JP managed to reach that apex and crash through the ceiling with the big pink creampuff cannonball that we all know and cringe at. If Phoenix heard Jean say all those things to him, it explains why he was so willing to run across that burning bridge to save Maya. As for Godot, he probably missed being in a coma with each passing second._

* * *

 _[The following singing witness testimony of one, Jean Armstrong,_ _sole proprietor, and chef of the restaurant Trés Bien, has been stricken from the court records of the_ _ **State vs. Maggey Byrde**_ _trial by unanimous decree of His Honor, Jughead Chambers, The Prosecution, Defense Counsel and Detective in charge. This was due to the reasons of Mr. Godot nearly choking on his own hot beverage, Mr. Wright suffering insurmountable nausea, and Detective Gumshoe alarmingly declaring he'd never eat again, despite existing entirely on a diet consisting of nothing but Ramen noodles. This transcript is the only known remaining copy]_

* * *

 ** _"Les Garçons"_  
** **Sung to the tune of "Les Poissons"  
from Disney's** ** _The Little Mermaid_**

 ** _[Armstrong]_**

 _Les garçons, les garçons_  
How I love les _garçons_  
 _Monsieur_ Wright, such a delightful dish!  
Hair like midnight silk threads  
Makes me shiver and moan  
 _Oh oui, il est toujours délicieux_

* * *

 _Les garçons,_ les _garçons_  
Hee hee hee, hohn hohn hohn  
Z'at Phoenix makes _me_ rise, through and through!  
Makes me quiver inside  
Passions can't be denied  
Forz'is 'andsome devil,oui it's true

* * *

Z'at Godot also whets zeez here palate  
On him z'at visor seems so chic  
Actions so macho yet so gallant  
Those strong bones and that chin  
Ah, z'at voice oh so nice  
Makes z'is girl want to sin  
And those lips that entice

* * *

 _Mon Dieu_ , I am not done!

* * *

Sacre _bleu,_ what a diss!  
How could I be remiss  
Z'at _grand_ homme, his muscles so fab  
Dick Gumshoe what a man!  
Heats me like a fry pan  
Even though that trench coat is so drab!  
All _tres_ _hommes_ fill my head  
Would kick _none_ out of bed!  
But sadly I wish from afar  
'Cause none of this lot seems at all hot to trot!  
 _C'est dommage mes garçons  
Baisers!_

* * *

 ** _Oh oui, il est toujours délicieux_** _-_ _ **Oh yes, he is always delicious**_ _  
_ _ **  
C'est dommage mes garçons – It's a shame, my boys**_

 ** _Baisers!- Kisses!_**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 38**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I swear, the second I found that song, I was laughing for at least a good five minutes. I couldn't believe that Disney had written a song that almost perfectly captures Inga's personality. I say 'almost' because I personally believe that given Inga's condition and by the close relationship that he had with Rayfa based on dialogue with her shortly after his death, his main goal with the Founder's Orb was to give her the spiritual power necessary to claim the throne, overthrowing Ga'ran and allowing him to rule by her side.

 **JP:** I've only briefly heard Pete speak prior to this underrated, too cute for words flick, and as the menacing ghost of Christmas Yet To Come in Mickey's Christmas Carol, and his smarmy voice is indeed a fine mobster substitute indeed! Or as they mighta said: "I read you loud and clear!"

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** In regards to Sherlock being related to Kristoph and Klavier, you can't deny that he bears a striking resemblance to the Gavin brothers. Not to mention, Sherlock's sprites are very similar to the Gavin brothers- his shrugging, pointing, confident, and posing sprites resemble Klavier's, his thinking and lowered hat sprites resemble Kristoph's, and his laughing sprite is a combination of both Klavier and Kristoph's.

As for Manfred's ancestry, I personally believe that he isn't related to Klimt or Barok van Zieks due to the former having only a single child before he died and the latter baring more of a resemblance, both in terms of appearance and personality, to Gregory and Miles. That's why I feel that perhaps Manfred's grandfather was one of the exchange students who trained under Klimt.

When it comes to "Ace Attorney" characters, few can compete with Edgeworth. He has such a wonderfully vivid, complex personality. He can be calm and collected, yet he's prone to having minor freak-outs; he can be stoic, yet caring; and he can be completely serious, yet he isn't afraid to loosen up a bit and deliver a witty comeback. As for Edgeworth's regression in "Turnabout Time Traveler", a more realistic theory that I have about it is that it was implemented as part of the case's theme on time travel. You have a villain who can't move past his fiancée's death and a defendant whose husband can't clearly remember anything after his sister's death, so why not have the case setup like something out of the very first game in the series?

 **JP:** For a myriad of reasons despite being my fave case, (original trilogy nod and all!) I'd like to think Turnabout Time Traveler as non-canon due to the character assassination of Larry – and Miles's anti married stance. I'd like to think it's not real as my mind he's happily engaged/married to Franny (or whomever you ship him with!) and is just being a prat to Nick in court, as is tradition!

Morgan is in my top 3 most hated characters – (Creepsicle Dildo then Nosferatu are 1 and 2 BTW) but sometimes I swap places with her and Dracula as I love the Feys so much. And I picture dying by being scalped in prison….

Sherlock Holmes is totally a copyright thing. It's Mickey Mouse syndrome all over again – just when you think he's about to become public domain, the greedy fat cats take away the dangling carrot and make ya take it up the tailpipe, cuz they CAN! (Also Sherl looks like a young Richard Gere to me!)

So _that's_ why the Paynes will always suffer the agony of defeat! Miles's ancestor cursed them back in the days of yore to fall at the hands of the whole line of cold sweat kings! Nice! LOL

Also, I love the idea of Gant being a Vortex's descendant! That corruption in high office had to start somewhere! Also I can't wait for your Miles video! :)

Thanks as always, for reading, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious reader!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Why do you think Inga had his own private quarters? Ga'ran was probably tired of being woken up by him sobbing in his sleep, so she felt that it would be better for both her and Inga if she let him live in his own separate building. And as for their marriage, you're implying that Inga had any say in the matter. Knowing Ga'ran, she probably wrote up the wedding papers with those nails of hers while Inga was curled up in a ball crying.

 **JP:** Pete's such a big, bumble butt of a galoot you can't take him seriously! Like I'd love if his catch-phrase was " _Drat! Foiled again!"_

As for the slimy shit weasle getting his just desserts by his own not so loving spouse… it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!

Regarding Her Malevolence and The Mobster Wannabe's marriage, no doubt it was the fun in dysfunctional. I can't see that marriage ever being consummated – at least, not um, consensually… (I hereby dub CT's take on that deranged union in The Imperial Daddy as canon!) XD

As always bud, thanks for reading!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I hope you get better soon. It means a lot to me that you read and enjoyed the latest parody even though you're feeling under the weather.

 **JP:** How fortunate we are to have such a loyal reader that she would even give us a second thought during her ailing moments. I hope this message finds you well by the time you receive this, and I'm so happy that you enjoyed my hilarious copilot's spin upon Disney's spin of the Three Musketeers! And realize how much I shipped Daisy and Donald along with Mickey and many until this movie and I couldn't stop laughing that Goofy ended up with a cow! Disney may have been considered racist but they're all about the interspecies romance! XD

Get well soon milady!

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** I highly doubt that Inga would want to conspire with a person like Morgan since dealing with someone like her was why he was scheming in the first place. Given how Ga'ran is, I think it's safe to assume that Inga main goal was to find someone the exact opposite from her, someone who could be easily controlled and was too clueless to ever rise against him; which is why Inga decided to team up with Paul Atishon, of all people.

 **JP:** Hey funny lady! Luckily the most cunning of them all was the one who ended all his attempts at ruling, see? And otherwise, he was surrounded by nothing more than a bunch of sycophant, trigger-happy lemmings for guards instead of Creepsicle Dildo or The Hair! Detective Badd has the market cornered in badassery in the AA universe, IMO and his wife definitely wore the pants in that marriage, so I guess Inga ended up having to prove he was as harmless as Sancho's ass by being deadly for poor Dhurke, although his karma was sweet poetic justice if there ever was!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** I couldn't agree with you more. It's a shame that Inga was killed off instead of Ga'ran; otherwise, we could have gotten a final villain that was a more enjoyable version of Alba- a villain who uses his political clout to make himself virtually untouchable and cause the investigation and/or cross-examination to grind to a halt with but a wave of his hand.

 **JP:** And ain't nobody mock his wannabe gangster arse than my man CT, see?


	40. Can You Please Get Me A Stepladder?

_CT: Since JP parodied "Let it Go", a song that we've all heard whether we wanted to or not, and more times than we'd like to admit, it's only fair that I tag in and tackle the other popular song to come out of "Frozen" based off of a suggestion from yankeegal13. And what's a suggestion from yankeegal13 without me having Apollo being tortured by one of the special ladies in his life? So without further ado, I hope you enjoy this parody showcasing Apollo before he decides to let it blow._

 _JP: As promised last song, where I proved I can do villain songs by making most readers need barf bags when I penned Armstrong's witness stand wiggle, we're keeping up with the old switcheroo of my funnyman friend lightening up things for a change while I continue to the dark side next chapter! Enjoy your request **yankeegal13!**_

* * *

 ** _"Can You Please Get Me a Stepladder?"_** ** _  
_** **Sung to the tune of** ** _"_** **Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"  
from Disney's** ** _Frozen_**

 _[It's a regular day at the Anything Agency about six months after Apollo was hired and the young attorney is spending it sitting on the couch, reading over a case file for an upcoming trial, when suddenly Trucy approaches him.]_

* * *

 ** _["Hi, Polly! Can you do me a big favor?"_** _Trucy asks, widening her eyes and smiling in an attempt to make herself look cuter.]_

 ** _["Trucy, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to be a part of that new Flaming Coffin of Doom trick of yours? I don't care how important it is for your next show. I have a big trial tomorrow and I can't acquit my client if I'm burned to a crisp or sawed in half."_** _Apollo responds with a disgruntled tone, narrowing his gaze at the young magician.]_

 ** _["I know that, Polly. That's why I decided to swap out that trick for the Balloon Animal Flurry one."]_**

 ** _["Then what favor are you asking me for?"_** _Apollo asks with a look of dread on his face.]_

 ** _["Well, I can't do the Balloon Animal Flurry trick without my air pump, but I can't reach it."_** _Trucy states, gesturing to a pump on a shelf that is much too tall for her to reach on her own._ **_"So can you help out your favorite magician by getting me a stepladder?"]_**

 ** _["There's a regular ladder right outside in the hallway from when I was forced to paint the office a few days ago. Why don't you use that?"_** _Apollo suggests, prompting the young magician to burst into song.]_

* * *

 _{Trucy}_

Polly,  
Can you please get me a stepladder?  
I need to reach the highest shelf.  
You're my lovely assistant,  
So go bring me one,  
I can't do it by myseeelf!

* * *

You're my best friend,  
But yet you hate stepladders,  
And how they bend at the eeend!

* * *

Can you please get me a stepladder?  
They're the best kind of ladder.

* * *

 ** _["Trucy, I don't hate stepladders. I just don't want to bike halfway across town to the hardware store just to buy a more expensive version of a ladder that's right outside the office."_** _Apollo states, flashing the young magician a disgruntled look as she continues her song.]_

* * *

Can you please get me a stepladder?  
They're a jack of all trades.  
If you go get me one,  
I'm sure you'll be popular with all the babes!

* * *

Would you be so cruel,  
As to let me risk getting hurt,  
While I go get that toooool?

* * *

 ** _["Yes, Trucy, because women are naturally drawn to men who favor stepladders."_** _Apollo snidely replies with a roll of his eyes.]_

 ** _["They sure are, Polly! Just look at Daddy."_** _The young magician confidently states with a grin, tipping her hat slightly downwards._ **_"Why, just last week, we went to the nearby cafe and the owner, Ms. Anita DeCaffie, told Daddy that he's, and I quote, 'a sexy DILF with bedroom eyes' and that she wouldn't mind seeing his stepladder. But then again, she probably wasn't talking about actual stepladders, but rather-"]_**

 ** _["I don't need or want to hear any more, Trucy."_** _Apollo dishearteningly remarks as his 'horns' droop._ _ **"I don't care how many women think that Mr. Wright's attractive. I'm not buying you a stepladder, and there's nothing you can do to change my mind."**_ _The attorney sternly states, causing Trucy's demeanor to become much more serious as she hides her arms in her cloak, staring at him with her big blue eyes before proceeding to sing in a more threatening tone.]_

* * *

Polly,  
Don't forget that I'm one of your bosses,  
Someone who determines if here you stay.  
So do whatever I say,  
Or I'll severely cut your pay.  
Just do iiit.

* * *

We were glad to hire you,  
But defy me and you'll be through.  
The choice is up to yooou.  
So, can you please get me a stepladder?

* * *

 ** _["Fine…"_** _Apollo sighs in resignation as he gets up from his seat and slowly trudges towards the door.]_

 _ **["Yay! Thanks, Polly!"**_ _Trucy chirps, enthusiastically waving at the forlorn attorney.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 39**

 **Guest**

 **JP:** Congratulations! The image of Grossberg in a bikini doing the Harlem shake is now permanently seared into my skull, and possibly trumps my previous disturbing image of Armstrong wriggling in his own oils in a Speedo as outlined to Muhammad S – and that's just the description, I dare not look up the image lest I never cease the need for my brain bleach site! XD

Also, don't believe we've heard from you thus far, so thanks for the kind words and thanks for reading!  
P.S. we're still open to requests! :)

 **CT:** While that gif you described is a sight that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies, I'd say that it doesn't hold a candle to Armstrong in that it was intentionally created for the sole purpose of being as disgusting as humanly possible, whereas Armstrong is a standard character who was created to move the case's plot.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Hey that's one good thing about the pink pasty puff – he's an appetite suppressant – so really good for dieting? :p

And I love my readers – of _course_ I warned them! Just sometimes, it's not enough – such was zee case here, _non, mon cher "garcon" et ami?_ XD

 **CT:** Don't worry. Next time, JP and I will include barf bags.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** Well, that was certainly a unique one you came up with, and I don't know if _I_ could ever do it justice, though. But kudos for creativity! With the wacky AA cast being as they are and Polly being the office butt monkey that he is, both what you and my partner just mentioned, below, are very believable notions indeed!

 **CT:** You'd be amazed by the kinds of mistakes I've made in the past. For example, one time I actually spent about three or so minutes struggling to open a "push" door by pulling- no joke. That's why Sebastian is one of my favorite characters to write for since I can relate to him in regards to his occasional lapses in reasoning, desire to put 110 percent into everything he does, and how he sometimes gets his words mixed-up.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** If Godot could have killed it with fire-hot, scalding coffee, no doubt he woulda! It's hard to faze a man who has crawled back from the depths of hell, another who survived chewing poisoned glass and another who's survived working under the ruthless Franny AND Miles on a shoestring salary, but mayhap throwing a man off his groove is the Jell-O Jiggler's superpower? XD

 **CT:** There are no flames hot enough to stop Armstrong. Sure, you could set him ablaze, but that pink abomination would just continue strutting forth, jiggling to and fro, as if nothing happened. If anything, setting Armstrong on fire would make things worse since the heat could very well encourage him to strip down; and if there's anything worse that Jean Armstrong, it's Jean Armstrong without a shirt.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** Oh no! You're in the hospital again love? I'm so sorry milady is it your tummy acting up again? Get well hugs to you!

I can't believe you still take the time to read and review in your situation...your song is the next one after CT'S fluff fest, ok? I'm expediting it! We can take a whack at Jean and Panty Snatcher if you can think of a suitable song?

 **CT:** In terms of creepiness, Jean and Wesley run in completely different circles, with the latter being a standard borderline perv while the former is just plain disturbing. So with that in mind, I feel that if Wesley were to team up with someone, the best person would be Larry due to how they'd each benefit from the other's respective skills- Wesley could tutor Larry on a variety of scientific subjects, making him appear more intellectual and desirable to women, while Larry could use his ability to actually get girlfriends to secure a healthy supply of panties for Wesley's… studies.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're in the hospital. I hope that your condition improves. You're a great reader and friends who has both my and JP's best wishes.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** I don't mind the fop as I ship him and Ema like FedEx but the idea of someone as awesome as the world's greatest detective having anything to do with the Beelzebub lineage of Bitchtoff Gavin makes me shudder even more than the idea of Armstrong wearing nothing but a Speedo, lathered up in his own oils, striking a pose and begging to be drawn like one of "those French girls!" in a sickening attempt to recreate the famous sketch scene from Titanic.

Sorry where were we? I grossed myself out there far too much for a second…

Interesting headcanon you have for DGS. Love the Vortex/Gant correlation which I never thought of till now and I just figured the German/Euro sounding name Van Zieks made the vampire reminiscent prosecutor an ancestor of Nosferatu and based on his sprites/appearance/dynamic with Ryu, I've always seem Asougi and Nick's ancestor as the original Wrightworth!

Stupid Crapcom/copyright bull keeping us from getting our localized Holmsies! I cry umbrage! Have you gotten to the DGS2 playthrough yet?

I do love the idea that you like Ryusato and see Su being Nick's ancestor too! I'd like to think they're his great grandparents/fellow guardian angels with Mia, and play rock/paper/scissors in heaven about which one of them is gonna bail Phoenix out of his latest near death experience! XD

Edgeworth is one of the most awesome and multi-layered characters in the series...I have a hard time writing him and Fran, but since I still manage to have readers who like my work, I guess I'm doing them al-Wright? :)

Glad you liked my homage to Jean the Jiggler! Hope you read it on an empty stomach! :p

 **CT:** Regarding Kristoph and Klavier's ancestry, while the latter studied abroad in Germany, I don't recall any moments in either "Apollo Justice" or "Dual Destinies" that explicitly stated that their family emigrated from Germany. Though while Kristoph and Klavier's ethnicity isn't certain, one thing we can conclude is that they are English on at least their father's side due to the name "Gavin" being one of English origin. As for Blaise's ancestry, while we don't know where exactly his family originated, I think that it's safe to say that wherever his ancestors lived, they were corrupt to the very core and made it their mission to spread pain in misery.

So an "Ace Attorney" game isn't being localized because of attorney fees? In terms of irony, that is von Karma-levels of perfect. Perhaps a fraction of those fees are devoted to styling the lawyers' hair to give them spikes or dry-cleaning and pressing their maroon suits and cravats.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** HEEEEEEEE **!** It's so not Canadian of me to day "I'm NOT apologizing" for your trauma, because it was sooooo worth it! *wipes eyes* Seriously, that last review of yours was funny AF pal, even though I'm sure you'd rather accept a drink from Bill Cosby than ever have been in Gummy, Nick or Godot's places!

Godot: I came back from the depths of hell… only to have fallen back into it again?! I can't…un-see this! *pours hot coffee onto his visor in attempts to short-circuit it*

Phoenix: I wish I'D lost my vision when I drank that poison back in college! Surely being blind couldn't be worse than _this_?! Is there any of that poison left from that restaurant vial?!

Gumshoe: *takes Godot's coffee mug and proceeds to pour the scalding contents directly onto his retina's but is barely halted in time by bailiff*

 **CT:** If this happened in "Recipe for Turnabout", Phoenix, Godot, and the Judge would be engaged in a full out brawl to determine who'd get to drink the poison first. And if Armstrong was running that kitchen in "The Little Mermaid", Sebastian would be turned into a horrible-tasting, overpriced dish that not even Maya would want- a fate a thousand times worse than death.


	41. Cruel World

_JP: As we wind down the great switcheroo, with CT's last official fluffy piece following this one, I give you all my official third time going rogue from my usual sweet songs! Here's my take on another villain tune – by one of the most evil characters in Disney history (a supposed pious man of the cloth, voiced by the late, great Tony Jay!) and who better to use than the greatest femme fatale in AA history – and her secluded and reluctant twin in the role of Quasimodo? I hope you enjoy my homage to Satan's Succubus in fulfilling your request, milady_ _ **Chloemcg**_ _! I hope you're all better by the time you read this! XO_

 _CT: Just like with "Dahlia Hawthorne" back in Chapter 15, JP does an excellent job of reminding us all why we despise Dahlia as a person, but love her as a villain. With how many lives Dahlia ruined, along with how she ruthlessly manipulated Iris and Terry, she deserves to get slapped with Godot's coffee mug off of Dusky Bridge and into Eagle River- suffering a similar fate as Frollo, only with less fire and more coffee and smooth jazz._

* * *

 ** _"Cruel World"_**

 **Sung to the tune of "Out There"  
from Disney's** ** _The_** ** _Hunchback of Notre Dame_**

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**

Don't be a fool  
I'll be explicit

Must trust no one and men especially are shitty  
Your heart would never mend

I alone entrust you, need you, loves you  
I who'll be here when you shed a tear  
How can I convince you girl  
This world's got monsters to be feared  
You'll be safe here

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**

 _(spoken)_  
Never forget truths I've told you, dear sister

 _(sung)_  
You are worthless -

* * *

 _[IRIS]  
_ {bows head in submission}

I am worthless

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
And you are spineless

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
And I am spineless

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**

Don't mean to be a bitch to you  
My fragile kitty  
I am your true godsend

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
It's the truth you render

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
In this cruel world, you're a lamb for slaughter

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
I am helpless

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
They'll use you and then spit on you and sneer

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
For I am feeble

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
Why succumb thyself to pain and degradation?  
No fears here  
Never betray me

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
I'm loyal

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
Trust none but me

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
I trust you

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA]_**  
Nod and obey  
Do as I say

* * *

 _[IRIS]_  
I'll pray

* * *

 **[BOTH]**  
In here

* * *

 _[IRIS, spoken]_

You know what's best, my sister. I won't question you again

* * *

 ** _[DAHLIA,_** _spoken_ ]

You belong here. Remember, Iris. I'm not your adversary

* * *

 _[IRIS, spoken_ ]

...My adversary...

{Stares after Dahlia as she leaves}

* * *

 _[IRIS]  
_  
As a shrine temple maiden, I spend my days alone  
Praying that someday God will forgive me  
Destined to perish up here until I'm an old crone  
Trapped with all my memories of Feenie  
Can't erase all those good times and places  
Knowing how he'll never know it was me  
Till I die I ponder if I'll always feel this way  
Ever miss him, always love him

* * *

This cruel world let me meet The One  
That warm smile of his, brighter than the sun  
Forget him never

* * *

Cruel world,  
Can't forget his loving stare  
What I'd give  
To be his girl  
Yearn to stroke that spiky hair!

* * *

It's not just crooks and swindlers out there leading with their lives  
To even out the odds goodwill must stem  
It can't all be just murderers bearing their guns and knives  
I believe in the goodness of all men  
If I could be with him, it'd be worth all this cruel world's sins

* * *

A pure soul, to death I'd defend  
No harm to come to one hair  
Not even my twin can  
Dahlia had best beware  
My Sis to hell, I'd send!  
Life's unfair, I'll repent  
Had my chance  
Came and went  
Loved and sang  
Danced and twirled  
Found true bliss in this cruel world!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 39**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** If ever anyone deserved a cup of scalding java to the face…am I Wright? XD  
Wishing your undoubtedly upset palate (and tummy!) a speedy recovery, Godot!

 **CT:** Why would you subject a poor, innocent bullet to a fate of being shot through a creampuff that reeks of numerous body oils? What did it ever do to you?

 **Chapter 40**

 **chloemcg**

CT:

I'm glad to hear that you're recovering and that our parodies are helping to make the experience better.

When it came to building that dragon in "Magical Turnabout", I don't think that Apollo did it because Trucy used her puppy dog eyes, but rather because he knew that she wouldn't leave him alone until he complied. Sure, during his early days at the Anything Agency, Apollo would have probably refused to help Trucy build that dragon; but after months upon months of her chasing him around like she did with Athena during "Turnabout Time Traveler", he's learned that when Trucy comes to him with a request, it's better to save himself the trouble and time by just biting the bullet.

 **JP:** WAA men are suckers for puppy dog eyes! It's how Maya got Nick to go broke buying her burgers, Wright? :p

I already covered Apollo with my _Frozen_ homage/earworm from _H-E-Double Hockey Sticks_ in chapter 7 "Let It Blow"…it was Thomp's turn to use the _other_ catchy ditty from that movie to get rammed into reader's heads!

Having an RN mum means I'm pretty well versed in a lot of medical/physical ailments so… _sepsis_?! YIKES! Milady, please take care, and am so happy you're alright after that. Hope you enjoyed your request! Bless!

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** The same principle holds true in regards to comedy as well. Some people prefer more innocent material, while others are more into darker jokes. That's why the key to success when writing is being yourself and doing what feels natural. Sure, some people will dislike your material, but you'll find plenty who enjoy it and you'll have more fun creating stories and scenarios.

 **JP:** I am an avid fan of pineapple on my 'za! I don't care what anyone says! Glad you enjoyed your request!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Technically, Trucy didn't get a job at eight, she started an entire business. That's why she's able to get away with forcing Apollo to be her assistant- as the co-founder of the Anything Agency, she's technically Apollo's boss and is in a position to cut his pay if she feels like it. Granted, Phoenix wouldn't let Trucy cut Apollo's pay get cut at the drop of a hat, but it's implied that her shows bring in the bulk of the Anything Agency's income. So even though Apollo and Athena don't want to be assistants, it's a burden that they must bear.

Though speaking of Trucy, the biggest difference between Phoenix's DILF panic attacks and Edgeworth's earthquake breakdowns is that Trucy will merely provide support for the latter while trying to make lemonade out of lemons for the former by asking if there are any lovely single female nurses or doctors present who are interested in middle-aged men who like cleaning toilets.

 **JP:** Trucy is a con artist _and_ master cluster fokker! Recall in AJ when she and Nick successfully tag teamed the reluctant Apollo during AJ's Turnabout Panty-Snatcher case and said they'd be destitute if he didn't help them? I'd have felt sorrier for Polly if I hadn't been laughing so hard! As for Phoenix's delectable daddy status…I have had a blast, both in _Turnabout Everlasting_ and _Filling the Void_ by traumatizing Nick with the term DILF! It's definitely his "Edgy Elevator" kryptonite in my head canon! XD

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** I may make Apollo's life a living hell whenever I write for him, but he's hands down my favorite member of the Wright Anything Agency. There's just something about his forlorn sprite where he has his arms crossed and a dissatisfied look on his face that never fails to make me burst into laughter. It's basically Apollo saying, "What has my life become?"

And as for the DILF bit, it would be a crime if I co-wrote a fanfic with JP and didn't include a moment where Trucy's trying to set up her daddy with any single woman with a pulse.

 **JP:** Lyn! I should have known that mondo disturbia imagery about bikini jigglers/'roid rump shakers was from my fave funny lady! And yeah, Polly's perma stick up the bum as resident straight man/office butt monkey has become as much of an AA staple as Nick's obsessive toilet cleaning! As for Void, I hope to have my tortured DILF's comedy of errors updated this month (it's 3 years old this fall!) along with TE, so help me God! _*shakes fist at the heavens*_ XD

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Not to mention, in Khura'in, people actually treat Apollo with respect and don't insult his height, hair, forehead, or some combination of the three at every opportunity, with the obvious exception of Rayfa. Fortunately for Apollo, Trucy was able to find an unwilling substitute in Athena, who may try fleeing overseas and joining him in Khura'in to escape the torture. However, if there's one thing that Trucy's learned from her time with Phoenix, it's persistence. If Athena moved to Khura'in to get away with her, Trucy would simply book a flight there and bring her back.

 **JP:** Glad you enjoyed the other _Frozen_ earworm, bud! A reader earlier said Nick the dorky swan probably says "a pox on the word DILF!" and it's his Edgy equivalent kryptonite! Polly's weakness is undoubtedly his secret baby sister batting her baby blues at him! Ah, AA, where everyone's a sucker for something! (Just shove a lollipop into the poor guy's mouth already, Wright?) It never occurred to me that his boss being seen as a sex symbol would traumatize Apollo, but he's such a needle-butt he can't even say "panties" without discomfort, so this makes it even funnier! XD

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** You know you're doing well as a writer when your updates cause people to stop working and take a break to unwind. I hope JP and I didn't delay you too much.  
Though regarding why Phoenix doesn't own a stepladder, that's due to the fact that they don't really have the space for one at the Anything Agency. Sure, Phoenix and Trucy would like to own one, but given how few times they'd actually use it and that Apollo would be climbing it most of the time, it would make more sense to just rent a regular ladder. Though as you saw in the parody, sometimes Trucy just needs the high-tech stability of a stepladder.

 **JP:** Nick probably makes Trucy stand on Polly's shoulders for manmade ever-present climbing apparatus!  
Yup, that's us, JP and CT – shamelessly guilty of causing sleepless/distracted fan readers since March 10, 2018! :p

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** In regards to my favorite game mechanic, my favorite is logic chess, followed by Apollo's perceive. I love logic chess in that it's fast-paced, fair, and perfectly fits Edgeworth's personality. As for the perceive function, my love for it mainly comes from the music and the satisfaction you get from finally figuring out the person's little quirk.

"Bridge to the Turnabout" is one of those cases that no one can disagree is a bad case. Not only does it give us more depth towards Dahlia and Godot's characters, but it better captures the feeling of urgency that "Farewell, My Turnabout" was going for. Sure, it was scary knowing that Maya was kidnapped by some assassin and would be killed if Matt was acquitted in a single day, but we could at least cling to the hope that if Phoenix held out for just a little bit longer, Maya could be rescued. However, in "Bridge to the Turnabout", we didn't get that reassurance. Maya was trapped on the other side of that bridge with no food and no heat. For all we knew, she could have frozen or starved to death; and to make things worse, Pearl's missing for a good portion of the chapter. This feeling of terror is only amplified when we learn that Dahlia was being channeled and was on the other side of the bridge where she attempted to kill Maya. So that moment when Dahlia is exorcised and defeated is made all the better when we learn that Maya is completely fine.

 **JP:** I am a vivid storyteller I like my readers should experience what I do apparently I did too good of a job with you even if it's harrowing! LOL (sowwy!)

I think my favorite WAA superpower most definitely has to Athena's hearing. It used to be the magatama, but over the last few years I seem to have gotten more in tune with my own senses to the point now where although I've been diagnosed with her (very real!) case of Hyperacusis, I have very finely honed hearing, albeit not as sensitive as her, to the point where I have ever needed headphones. However, I can hear things in people's nuances/infections (perhaps that's why I am so in tune with music and have to incorporate it into all my works!) which they hope to conceal at times better than the average person. It's kind of cool to literally be able to relate to such an awesome character on a deeper level! :-)

Not only do I support most of CT's theories, in this case, the Gant/Vortex connection, but in this case yours too, as I am a diehard Ema X Klavier fan, ergo I will absolutely jump onto the SS SkyeFop ship with you! I think she would probably get along better with Sherlock Holmes as long as he explained the logical rationale to his findings because if he tried to claim any of it was his base or instinct I think she would dismiss it as lacking scientific evidence! Then again she adores Miles Edgeworth and he is all about logic so she might be a bigger fangirl of Holmsies than we even think! And if you like The Grim Reaper… wait till you get a load of DGS2 – I haven't seen such amazing character development since Miles!

Ima go with team step-ladder because I rather enjoy having similar narrow-minded cultural assumptions as my all-time fave DILF…and also, about Nick finding Ryu's journal – awesome. Let's just say I have more than one reason for being intrigued by this idea, shall we? ;)


	42. One Last Protégé

_CT: Here's a bit of speculation regarding how Mia was hired by Grossberg based on a suggestion from_ _ **Simon DiStefan.**_ _The idea hit me when I realized how Grossberg and Phil have very similar body shapes. With that said, sit back and enjoy this hemorrhoid-filled parody!_

 _JP: This is the last of our switcheroos for now, with this song now marking the third time my partner and I have officially exited our respective comfort zones with him taking on a hero song while I have done more villainous tunes, and I really think I saved his best fluffy piece for last! Enjoy a touch of Miego again in this brilliant Hercules Homage – I think Herr Hemorrhoids does a decent substitute for the equally portly Danny DeVito's Phil, don't you? :)_

* * *

 ** _"One Last Protégé"_  
** **(Sung to the tune of "One Last Hope" from Disney's  
** _ **Hercules**_ **by Marvin Grossberg to an earnest Mia Fey)**

 **{Grossberg}**

So you want to be a defense attorney, my girl?  
Well, good for you.  
I've had countless protégés over the years, many so smart and shrewd,  
But trouble they avoid,  
Like me with a nasty hemorrhoid.  
So don't talk about your ideals with mirth,  
Like you're Gregory Edgeworth,  
Begging me to teach you my keys to success.  
And to that, my answer is -

* * *

 _[However, before Grossberg could respond, Diego- from his desk- splashed him in the back of the head with a mug of scalding coffee, glowering at his superior when the obese man turned to face his subordinate.]_

 _ **["Yes."**_ _Grossberg reluctantly stated, earning a grin and a nod from Diego.]_

 _ **["Thank you, Mr. Grossberg!"**_ _Mia chirped with hope-filled eyes._ _**"I promise that you won't regret this!"]  
**_  
 _ **["Oy vey…"**_ _The portly attorney sighed with a slow shake of his head.]_

* * *

 **{Grossberg}**

I've lost hope of finding someone who's fierce like a dragon,  
A lawyer who fills the gravy train,  
Not the paddy wagon.  
The kind that wins cases,  
Earning high wages,  
Putting shock on all the prosecutors' faces,  
But no… I get a rookie shiksa.

* * *

I've been at this job for years and I'm getting bored,  
Content to just sit back and enjoy the luxuries I can afford,  
But you need a teacher,  
A rabbi that's not a preacher,  
A guy who can give you every feature,  
And- Oy gevalt! My hemorrhoids are going mad like some creature!

* * *

I'll take one last protégé, and that'll be you,  
But please don't make it a decision that I'll rue.  
I've taught enough rejects,  
Who don't have a clue.  
You'll be my last protégé, so you better come through.

* * *

 _ **["Rule number one: No objection is complete without a strong finger-point. For example… Objection!"**_ _Grossberg proclaimed, thrusting his arm outwards in a pointing motion, the fatty appendage jiggling like gelatin._ _**"Rule number two: when in doubt, bluff until you can't bluff anymore. If you're going lose, at least go down kicking. Rule number three…"]**_

 _ **["Belittle your loyal subordinate who brings in over a third of your law firm's revenue."**_ _Diego retorted before taking a sip of coffee from one of the numerous mugs on his desk.]_

 _ **["That attitude isn't helping your case, Diego."**_ _Grossberg stated with a cold look_. _**"Now where was I…? Oh, right!"]**_

* * *

Attorneys face impossible odds,  
And are treated like a joke.  
Not to mention all the close calls that'll make you almost croak.  
To be a good attorney, my girl, is quite the task,  
You've got to hide your fear, like a face behind a mask.  
It takes more than raw skill,  
You need an iron-cladded will.  
Not to mention a tireless work drive as you grow.  
That kind of stuff.

* * *

I'm running low on energy and low on hemorrhoid cream,  
So please hold all my teachings in high esteem.  
You're my last hope, my girl,  
So don't make me feel blue.  
Always raise the bar,  
Reach for the highest star.  
You're my last chance, my girl, and it's all on youuu!  
Yeah!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 41  
**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** It's wonderful to have readers who open you up to new ideas and new musicals I had never heard of convoy prior to mentioning it, but I can see why it reminds you of Jake Marshall! He was a really fun character who like Lana Skye we have never seen or heard about since Rise From The Ashes and it would be great to have the former in a song… Will put our heads together and see what we can do but just so you know most definitely not limited to Disney there are some wonderful musical/live action/animated parodies coming up courtesy of my hilarious copilot, so stay tuned!

 **CT:** When it comes to our songs, we don't limit ourselves to just Disney. If we feel that we can make a parody out of something, we'll give it a shot. So we'll take a look at "Convoy" and see what we can do.

 **Chloemcg**

JP:

I hope with all my heart that you're back home and resting comfortably and working on your next wonderful fanfic by the time you read this milady. I'm so happy you enjoyed your request. Please take care of yourself – you're such a sweetheart and one of our favourite readers! Looking forward to seeing what you come up with! :-)

 **CT:**

As always, it's a pleasure knowing that our parodies are helping to brighten up your days. Also, I'm really glad to know that your health's improving. You're a great reader who JP and I both are always excited to hear from.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Why aren't you a writer? That was one of the funniest scenarios I've ever heard of! Bonus points if Mia augmented her already impressive assets with a trip to silicon valley… The reason being a guy friend of mine once told me he had his head bounced around against the _triple F_ implanted bazoomas of a… Shall we say, _exotic dancer_ …but far from the erotic experience one would think that would've been, he said it was the equivalent of getting his melon slammed against concrete (and in Dahlia's case, couldn't happen to a nicer gal! Hee!) No doubt Godot would be first in line to make this dream become a reality for more reasons than just revisiting the Fey Twins… Although for nostalgia's sake, I'm sure Mia and Maya would arrange it so that the first viewing was free ;)

 **CT:** Since Maya has officially claimed the title of Master of Kurain, maybe she can assemble all of the village's spirit mediums to help make that dream a reality. For one thing, if that was a tourist attraction at Kurain, Diego would be sending them more money than they'd know what to do with.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** I know a lot of people appreciate the poisonous pairing of Dahlia and Kristoph, yours truly included, but I'm kinda surprised nobody thinks of pairing Klavier and Iris together as the counterpart to that cracked couple, as surely the tools on could bond over which one of them suffered greater abuse of a sibling's love, and the fact that they both share faces with such demonic monsters! As for the triangle angle of Iris and Maya and Phoenix… I know it's a lengthy read and am in no way forcing you to read the story but I actually _did_ explore that angle as a major arc in Turnabout Everlasting! ;)

Always a pleasure to hear from my fave funny lady!

 **CT:** Considering how head-over-heels Phoenix and Iris were, I think that they would have been inseparable well into the future. I mean, it's assumed that Phoenix was so shaken up by her apparent betrayal that he hasn't went on a single date ever since. Though as much as Iris made Phoenix happy, it's a good thing that Dahlia stepped in when she did. I don't know how much longer the world could endure the public menace that was Feenie.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** I agree with you 100%… It's unfortunate that such a likable cast have all suffered a series of unfortunate events both individually and as a collaborative whole with only Polly somehow dodging the proverbial witness stand unless you count the Capcom Ace Attorney novel which was translated by a fan called Turnabout Airport (since it was an official story released by the company I will count as canon!) Even though Maggie is called goddess of misfortune, there's actually quite a few characters who have suffered worse fates and more frequent brushes of bad luck than even lady luckless – like poor Miles and Maya, for a start! Thank you so much for the kind words!

 **CT:** Sure, Larry, Maggey, and Iris are kind people who have all at one point or another gotten into more hot water than they deserve, but that only serves to make them more likeable in our eyes. Though speaking of kind characters getting arrested, Apollo is the only protagonist in the series who has not been arrested for any crimes. Of course, that could very well change in "Ace Attorney 7".

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** Out of all the attorney superpowers, I find Apollo's perception to be the most challenging of all, which depending on my mood may not always be a good thing…Spark Brushel really gave me the heebie jeebs so I tried really hard not to look at him for too long yet there is one point in the AJ game where I'm supposed to perceive what his telltale "tick" is and I kept failing… Only to realize it was his pit stain! Eweth! I had spent so much time staring at his creepy face and hands that it totally went over my head the first time I played the game… Since then it's pretty much been my least favourite mechanism although I do enjoy logic chess, and the rotating and exploding pieces that go with it when you have a witness up against the ropes!

I loved The Forgotten Turnabout as well as it allowed us to see that rarely seen softer side of Miles as well, which pretty much only exists when he's around Phoenix and occasionally Franziska. It was nice to see him turn off android mode and being such a wonderful caring protector for Kay Faraday and I do believe that was the case that really made a lot of fans start shipping those two together, which I'm not against at all, except my shipping preferences with Edgeworth are pretty much known to readers by now! :-)

I do think Sherlock and Ema would have a blast investigating together since he invented so many of the wonderful things Fräulein Detective is so fond of… It would be like meeting one of the godfathers of forensics! Especially that shooting gun that Iris drags around that makes _things_ change colours – basically the first Luminol!

Now on the topic of the DGS characters versus present day Ace Attorney characters, I literally see Ryu and Su as the original Phaya, so, to be honest, they have actually bumped Fredgeworth from their number two spot as my secondary OTP, although to be fair I have it written Nick's great-grandparents yet something I hope to remedy in the near future, so let's just say I take that back and say they are tied with Franny and Miles… But my love for those two is hundred percent on par with Phoenix and Maya… That was the hardest one for me to answer it was like asking a mother to choose her favorite child! LOL

Iris it pains me to say was given much better character development then Pearl even though I love Pearl more, but Gregson… Well… watch DGS2 you'll see why my answer is going to be oh _hail to the no!_ The answer is Gumshoe FTW (that lovable bumbler is only eclipsed by Detective Badd in my books when it comes to Ace Attorney detectives!) And I still prefer Miles Edgeworth to the Grim Reaper of the Old Bailey, but I will say that his character development is literally nose to nose with Edgeworth for best in the entire series or maybe video games, period! What a complete Turnabout with that man in DG2! I LOVED it!

You mentioning SkyeFop reminds me how much I adore that couple and need to get cracking if I'm going to get back to their arc in TE (yes they're both back very soon!) And last but not least thank you so much for your kind words on my final dark side tune! You're awesome!

 **CT:** Sure, while logic chess can be very high-pressure, it's great in that even if you fail, you can easily get back to where you just were. For me, psychlocks aren't too high up on my list of favorite game mechanics due to the fact that during my first playthroughs of "Justice for All" and "Trials and Tribulations", there were countless times when I'd run into psychlocks, which I would then leave alone until I was sure I had gathered all the evidence that I could. However, there were countless times when I'd find all the evidence, only to completely forget about the psychlocks, prompting me to thoroughly search through each and every area until I finally remembered them.

For me, the case that truly cemented my love for the series was "The Forgotten Turnabout". Sure, I liked the series and had many cases that I was fond of, but I still felt like there was something missing. But when I first encountered "The Forgotten Turnabout", I instantly grew to love it- the scenario, the use of cross-examinations to help Kay regain her memories, and the villain, as you are very much aware.

To answer your question, since I've yet to fully experience "Dai Gyakuten Saiban", my preferences are naturally slanted towards the present-day characters. However, I wouldn't mind if van Zieks' spirit was channeled and he met Edgeworth. It would be a clash of snarky titans, unleashing a storm of witty comments and insults that could tear apart the fabric of the universe.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Didn't know it at the time, but you are 100% right, Poindexter! :p

Despite his pious disposition which was obviously used to mask his sinful desires and even more sinful homicidal tendencies, it was done entirely by choice and not because of his choice of occupation, as unlike in the original story where he was an archdeacon, in the Walt Disney version, screenwriter Tab Murphy made Frollo Paris' Minister of Justice rather than an archdeacon so as not to offend religious viewers. Because no man of the cloth could ever possibly be evil! XD

It's hilarious because they had no problem making Tim Curry be the evil Cardinal in the live-action Mouse House movie the _Three Musketeers_ which came out four years before _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ did.

When you said it's a shame they can't kill Satan's Succubus even more, I still like to think Phoenix got the last laugh because when he banished her back to Hell where she belonged or purgatory where she is trapped forever whichever you prefer, he managed to kill that inflated ego, which was the size of all of Paris/France alone, by showing her just how insignificant she had truly become - and Mia got to laugh at her main nemesis as well, by letting her know just what a terrible foiled villain she was! After all, she didn't _kill_ Diego in the end! By the way, my headcanon is the reason he drinks so much coffee is that he's afraid to ever sleep again. Because... reasons.

Once I wrote Iris in Turnabout Everlasting, I realized that I actually do like the woman who I once saw as nothing more than a boring dishrag/doormat… Just not with Phoenix. And I like the fact that you so wholeheartedly accept her clownish night in paint-speckled armor. May never lose that soft spot, bud! :)

 **CT:** Well, the Disney-version certainly had me fooled, what with how much Frollo was singing about how virtuous he was and that Esmeralda should be burning in Hell.

While Dahlia may be an evil shrew with a cold, dark, empty void where her heart should be, I can't help but find her somewhat laughably pathetic. I mean, Dahlia went through all of this effort with her plans, only for them to fail 90 percent of the time. When she faked her kidnapping to steal that jewel from her father, it was lost in Eagle River when she made her escape, never to be found again. When she tried to cover her tracks by trying to kill Diego, she was forced to have Phoenix hold onto that necklace to hide the fact that she used it to transport poison, which in turn prompted her to try to kill Phoenix, which backfired when she killed Doug and her crimes were proven by Mia, thus sentencing her to death- ironically enough, Diego was merely put into a coma, thereby making all her efforts completely pointless. Sure, it could be argued that her poisoning Diego threw a monkey wrench into their investigation on her, but it can also be voiced that it gave Mia all the more motivation to bring Dahlia down. And then we come to "Bridge to the Turnabout", where Dahlia failed because of her faulty logic. Though I can't help but question why Dahlia didn't try to kill herself when she couldn't find Maya. Sure, she thought that she was in Pearl's body, but you'd think that with how much Dahlia hated Morgan, she would have gotten revenge on her mother by killing her favorite daughter.

So if you think about it, Dahlia committed one crime and then did a bunch of sloppy covering up- in a sense, making her a less successful version of Joe Darke. Sure, Darke was also brought to justice and sentenced to death, but that was only thanks to Gant forging evidence; whereas Dahlia was taken down with legitimate methods. Not to mention, Darke was able to murder five people before he was caught while Dahlia's only truly successful crime was murdering her step-sister.

Sorry for the long analysis, I just got fired up after seeing your comment. And as for your final point, while many fans don't want to see Iris paired with Phoenix, I think that most of them can agree that she deserves to be happy with someone.


	43. Can You Feel The Luck Tonight

_JP: And... I'm back to writing fluffy shipping sugary goodness, hence feel like the world is back on its proper axis! In this case, we're having a glimpse into the courtship of the pretty much canon (IMO) and beyond adorkable duo of a certain Lady Luckless and our fave Ramen enthusiast! I hope you enjoy this request, going out to_ _ **RavenPuffPrefect1296**_ _and_ _ **PurpleHoodedAngel**_ _, as well as all Magshoe lovers everywhere!_

 _CT: Magshoe is one of those rare ships that has no contention associated with it and exists purely for the enjoyment of others. In a sense, it's an embodiment of the kind of people Gumshoe and Maggey are. Every time we see them, they get struck down by all kinds of things, but they always bounce back and do everything in their power to be helpful with a smile. Gumshoe and Maggey were made for each other like noodles and broth and deserve some scrap of happiness in the torrent of misery that is their lives; which JP has brilliantly done with this parody._

* * *

 ** _"Can You Feel The Luck Tonight"_** **  
** **Sung to the tune of  
"Can You Feel The Love Tonight"  
from Disney's** ** _The Lion King  
*Elton John Version*_**

"I'm so sorry, Dick, but no, I can't marry you." Maggey's eyes filled with tears as she gently pushed away the ring her longtime boyfriend had just presented her. "You _know_ that I'm _cursed_! I have _the worst_ luck in the entire world, and I refuse to succumb you to an entire lifetime of it! I love you too much!"

"There's no bad luck that our love can't fix!" Gumshoe insisted desperately. "Maggey, I know you've had some rough times, but things are different now! You're my lucky star – since we've been together, my life has only _improved_! I'm Chief of Police now, so I can actually afford _Eldoon's_ noodles, not just _no-name_ Ramen…"

"What if that's _in spite of_ , not _because_ of me?" She asked miserably. "Do you _really_ want to take the risk that things won't somehow get _worse_ , not _better_ , if you align your life with mine, for all time?"

"That's not going to happen!" He vowed, taking her hand. "I know this, _for a fact,_ because…"

* * *

 _[Gumshoe]_

There's a rush of splendor when you look my way  
And I feel I'm the luckiest man alive today  
Goddess of Misfortune, nix clovers and horseshoes  
This flatfoot is fortunate enough, just to be with you

* * *

And can you feel the luck tonight  
Lady Luck, you are  
No more jinx or curses for you  
You're my shining star

* * *

And can you feel the luck tonight  
No need for distress  
Having you is a blessing from above  
So lay those fears to rest

* * *

A change in fates has just begun  
The past is now adjourned  
Our joyful lives can be filled with hopes  
Farewell to downturns

* * *

A lifetime, not a season, is how long I'll be yours  
Take my hand and begin this voyage  
Let our love take its course...

* * *

And can you feel the luck tonight  
Lady Luck, you are  
No more jinx or curses for you  
You're my shining star

* * *

And can you feel the luck tonight  
No need for distress  
Having you is a blessing from above  
Cuz you're the very best

* * *

Having you is a blessing from above  
Cuz you're the very best

* * *

Maggey was openly weeping as he finished singing, her face buried in her hands, immediately alarming the poor man into halting all serenading and quickly gathering her sobbing form into his arms.

"Um, was my singing voice _that_ bad?" Gumshoe nervously scratched his head with his free hand and awkwardly stroked her back while the love of his life continued to mewl incomprehensively into his chest, with no signs of stopping. "Honey? Are you alright?"

She lifted her head, and that was when he saw the radiant beam on her tear-drenched face. A huge surge of relief coursed through him as he realized that they weren't woeful tears, but ones of pure, unadulterated joy she'd been shedding all this time.

" _Yes_." Maggey choked, wiping her streaming eyes. "Yes, Dick. YES!"

" _Yes_ … my singing _was_ that bad? Or yes, you're _alright_?" Although hopeful, he didn't want to get his hopes up about what else she could possibly be affirming.

"Silly man! I loved your singing, _yes_ , I'm alright! I'm _more_ than alright since you just made sure to remind me that I'm truly the most blessed, ecstatic… _the luckiest_ woman in the whole wide world!" She threw her arms around his neck and planted a huge kiss onto his lips. "YES, a thousand times _yes_ , I'll marry you!"

" _Whoooooop_! Luck be a lady tonight indeed!" He cheered loudly, punching his fist in the air, then chuckled sheepishly as she started cracking up at his effusive response. "Sorry, I just _had_ to! You've just made me the happiest man alive!"

"Then we're even." Her eyes glowed with love as he placed the ring onto her extended finger. "I've never been more deliriously happy, or more fortunate, in my entire life. Because I have _you,_ Dick Gumshoe."

"We're _both_ lucky, cuz we've found _each_ _other_." He smiled tenderly down at her. "I love you so much, Margaret Charity Byrde."

She was already reaching up to draw his lips down towards her smiling ones.

"And I love you back, Richard Colombo Gumshoe."

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 37**

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** Poor Edgey, definitely! He rivals Apollo for top-dog in the long-suffering male AA category, although at least The Demon Prosecutor's woes are behind him at last, and a lot of his demons put (mostly) to rest – he even got on a lift in the AA1 game! :)

That being said – you have been missed! Thank you for taking the time to drop a line, dear reader! :)

 **CT:** Indeed, poor Edgeworth. He's the kind of guy where no matter how much he tries to rectify his past mistakes, they will always haunt him. Though the sad part is that while Edgeworth probably wonders if his father would be disappointed in the path he went down, but in reality, Gregory would be so proud at the morally upright man that his son grew to be after Manfred's arrest.

 **Chapter 42**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Considering how Disney milks its most popular IPs dry (I'm looking at you, "Frozen" and "Star Wars"), I'm actually kind of glad that "Hercules" was never that prominent.

When it comes to "One Last Hope", I like it for a lot of the reasons you've just described. It has a catchy beat and a motivational feel to it- essentially, to me, it comes off as a jazzier Rocky montage. Plus, it really helps to develop Hercules' character since up until that moment, he was treated as an outcast and had no one who both believed in his abilities and could train him to effectively use them.

 **JP:** I couldn't have imagined a more perfect casting choice for Phil than Danny DeVito in the criminally underrated _Hercules_ myself – his over-the-top animated facial expressions were priceless! Also – objection! Nominate us! I'd like to think in the _comedy_ crooning spoof category alone, my hilarious co-pilot would _win_ by a landslide! :p  
I hereby dub these phantom hypothetical awards… the _Spammys_! Unless you prefer the _Hammys_ , bud. After all, CT and I ultimately are the _hammiest_ of hams! XD

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** As you can probably guess from the parodies I typically write for this fanfic, my favorite song from "The Lion King 2" is "My Lullaby". As for the other songs, it's not that I have anything against them, but non-villain songs typically tend to not interest me- either they have all the fluffy and feel-good vibes of a Mentos commercial, come off as a sappy romance song that would be at home in "High School Musical", or they're just plain depressing. Granted, there are exceptions. I love "One Last Hope" from "Hercules" and "Out There" from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" because they feel varied.

 **JP:** Glad you enjoyed your request! As for Lion King 2, while I've not seen the movie in ages (like most Disney sequels that aren't Toy Story franchise, was mostly meh about it) I also can't recall any of the songs from it to even comment on them, but we still try to honor suggestions as best we can. Did you have a particular song wish in mind from this film?

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** Considering Apollo's overall luck in the series, anything's possible. In regards to you being open to others using your suggestions, that's very nice of you.

 **JP:** Assuming Polly's still in West Asia come AA7, at least the newly uncorrupted séances now will clear his name if he ever is accused! As for your colorful ideas, it'd be very interesting if they were brought to life by yourself, or anyone looking for FF inspiration!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you're out of the hospital and are able to return to your daily routine! As for your Miego suggestion, knowing how much my wonderful cowriter ships them, it's very much welcome.

 **JP:** Is it OK for one of our fave, loyal readers to make a request? You bet! As funny man said, I love Miego, and would be more than happy to do a song for AA's sexiest canon couple again! :)  
Also, so glad you're faring better milady! Thanks for being so fluffy socks freaking awesome! High-five back! :)

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** When it comes to Sparks, I honestly don't know what to make of him. Sure, he's creepy and reminds me of some psycho clown you'd see in a horror film- ironically, even more so than Simon Keyes- yet he doesn't really stand out. He's just… there. Heck, even him getting decked by Zak isn't all that lasting to me.

When it comes to chess, I've never been able to really wrap my head around how all the pieces move. Not to mention, when I'm playing games, I can get very impatient and hotheaded when things start to take a while. So as much as I love a good battle of wits and strategy, chess has never really appealed to me. But on the topic of Edgeworth, could you imagine if Barok van Zieks had his own perky assistant similar to Kay? He'd be breaking his goblets left and right.

Though speaking of DGS, you'll be pleased to know that I've actually found a walkthrough for a fan translated version of the game. Granted, the person hasn't uploaded anything beyond the third case, but if they keep it up, I'll be able to start including DGS characters in my stories. However, given the notable gap between the DGS games and the main series, their appearances would mainly be references with the occasional channeling. For example, a possible scenario that I'm currently toying around with in my mind is the characters tracing back their family roots and discovering who from the DGS games they're related to. I like to believe that Ryu and Su settled down and had a family with each other. That way, we can learn where Phoenix inherited his affinity for lively young girls to be his assistant.

 **JP:** I do like chess, but I'm not very good at it. More of a Scrabble/Chinese checkers player at heart – Edgey would mop the floor with me in a New York minute! (also, let's just agree that The Edgeworth the logic lover is just DeBeste Prosecutor, in every way, and King of the Prosecuties for every reason there is, including for charm, cravat, cuteness and character development!)

As for tea, I grew up on it as my household beverage, and therefore the caffeine in it as no effect on me, but coffee still does its jobs (given the ungodly hours of my job, all I can say is thank GOD for that!). Ergo, I decree the soothing hot beverage being your drink of choice doth not crazy make! But for the record, normal is waaaay overrated. I'd rather be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring!

(I guess that makes me Maya, which might explain why Nick is my dream man – read: adorkable hunk with a heart of gold and pecs of steel! – and why Phaya is my #1 OTP!)

A lot of Holmes' and Iris' inventions were ahead of their time, and aside from wishing Nick could somehow time warp and meet his great-grandparents (I share the same shipping sentiment as my co-pilot awesomely does about Su and Ryu both being his canon kinsfolk – CHOO-CHOO! All aboard the Ryusato express, CT!) I do wish Ema could have interacted with the world's most famous detective and his daughter. They woulda blinded her with science!

I would hope in old age, Nick and Polly would acquire greater _wisdom_ , not _moobs_ , like Grossberg! XD

But seeing as how Wolverine only gets hotter/younger looking with age thus far, I think we're a far ways off from hearing him become a cantankerous curmudgeon. I can see Polly being a grumpy old man though, since he's already semi surly about his toilet cleaning duties, and no doubt would gripe about it being the cause of his shoulder pains later in life! :p

I will definitely throw in a dash of Ryusato into TE, but if you're looking for a sugary dash of the adorable duo, my pal Mr. Coffee posted a heartwarming java shot about these two (and some more of your other fave pairings from what you told me thus far) in the chapter _Bake Expectations_ : **_/s/12683217/5/Heart-Warming-Java-Shots_**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** That catchphrase sounds every bit as unpleasant as the thought of actually playing as Grossberg. Just the thought of what we'd read in his thought text is enough to make me shudder.

 **JP:** Oh man, and I thought the smut-fic spin on "here comes Justice" was bad enough! I didn't think Grossberg could get any well, grosser, than his ear-rape worthy anecdotes about …The Black Hole but looks like I was wrong! Also, now I HAVE to check out that game, since I obviously hate myself… XD

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** When Mia worked at Grossberg's law firm, I can imagine it being similar to how the Anything Agency operates, though with less magic and more coffee. However, instead of there being an obsession over toilet cleaning- that responsibility would be reserved for only the most severe of punishments- Mia and the others would have to listen to their boss gush about his beloved fisherman paining for extended periods of time. Heck, knowing the kind of guy Diego is, there's a chance that his coffee addiction began as a joke. One day, he decide to have a little drinking game where he would take a sip of coffee every time Grossberg talked about his painting or said the word "hemorrhoids".

 **JP:** Hiya, Lyn! Thrilled you updated your amazing FF! I didn't know there were so many Disney songs out there either, (some more memorable/catchy than others). Good thing we have such interactive, music-loving readers to enlighten us! Does my fave funny lady have a request?

Working with Mr. Moobs, I think all that talk about 'roids built up both Diego and Mia's intestinal fortitudes… the former to actually have the cast iron survivor gut to endure a lethal poison murder attempt, and the latter to stomach Weenie Feenie's P does not stand for Phoenix starry-eyed, nausea-inducing pink sweater/lovesick declarations of a perfect Dollie who doesn't poop! XD

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** I'm glad to see that you've been enjoying the last several parodies! Don't worry about not reviewing for two months. JP and I understand all too well that when things get hectic, they really get hectic.

 **JP:** As much as you've missed this musical, rest assure, _mi querido amigo/lector…¡dar una buena acogida! ¡Te he echado de menos!_

Am delighted you enjoyed the Larris song as well as the others – looks like you're all caught up!

I am so glad you came back in time to see our second-time switcheroo of the dark side to lighter side, and so Cyke'd you liked it! We returned this chapter to our regular scheduled program, with me back in my fluffy element, where I'm happiest! :)

P.S. I can't wait to hear all about your travels in PM!


	44. The Hardcore Wocky Kitaki

_CT: I know that the title for this parody is one of the biggest oxymorons to ever be created. I mean, Wocky's about as hardcore as a packing peanut that's been discarded in a pillow. But at least with the packing peanut, I don't have to hear it constantly running its mouth about how 'cool' it is and using slang in almost every sentence. So with that in mind, we here at "Singing in the Courtroom" are not responsible for any injured wrists or foreheads that are a result of reading this parody. You've been warned._

 _JP: Y'see, it's a new month, so this is a new type of request! You'll see me honoring_ _ **his**_ _request, next chapter, and_ _ **I'm**_ _the one who asked for a song featuring fox boy to be mocked as lyrically as possible, so CT delivered! I suppose it's my fault for any self-injury caused to any readers while reading this who despise this furry wannabe as much as I do…so sorry in advance – although if you laugh as hard I did reading this… Gern geschehen! ;p_

* * *

 _ **"The Hardcore Wocky Kitaki"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"The Elegant Captain Hook" from  
Disney's **_**Peter Pan**_ **  
**

At Cee O'Cheets Elementary School playground, the fourth-graders are enjoying their recess- some kids are running around playing tag, some are playing catch, and others are pushing the socially awkward kid down the slide against their free will while repeatedly yelling **'Sacrifice!'**

Though all of that comes to an end when a Mercedes-Benz with gold chrome alloy wheels that are blaring loud rap music stops in front of the school before Wocky and five men dressed in suits exit the vehicle and walk into the playground. Intrigued by these unusual people, the children stop what they're doing and form a circle around the visitors; at which point, one of the men takes out a boom box, places it on the ground, and turns it on as he and the others- with the exception of Wocky- start singing.

* * *

 _{Gangsters}_

Yo yo,

Yo yo,

Yo yo, yo yo, yo yo,

If you wanna be seen as tough,

Then you'll need to become a G.

So don't be a fool,

Instead be cool,

And work for Wocky Kitaki,

The world's most hardcore OG.

* * *

 **{Disgruntled Gangster}**

Cocky,

Bossy,

Sticky, wimpy, and a big sissy,

I haven't met anyone who's more

* * *

 _[However, the man is cut off when one of the other larger, more muscular men hits him on the head with a small metal pipe, instantly knocking him out.]_

 _ **["Right on, G."**_ _Wocky nods at pipe-wielding mobster.]_

* * *

 _ **{Wocky}**_

I like you little guys, fo'shizzle,

So I've gotta deal for you.

If you join me and make it official,

I'll get ya cool tattoos.

* * *

 _[Wocky rolls up his sleeve to reveal a fake heart tattoo that's starting to flake off of his arm that reads 'Mom'.]_

* * *

 _ **{Wocky}**_

It'll really boost your street cred!

But before you decide, this has to be said:

If ya refuse, my homies'll put a cap in yo head!

So what are ya gonna do?

* * *

 _{Gangsters}_

So what are ya gonna do?

Yo yo,

Yo yo,

Yo yo, yo yo, yo yo,

You'll be seen as the tough of the tough,

You'll get as rich as can be.

It's a whole lot of fun when ya make some noise,

Beatin' down punks with ya bizzzoys!

So sign up and you'll see,

Why you should join Wocky!

* * *

"Students, get back in the school! NOW!" A teacher- an overweight, middle-aged woman with curly brown hair- exclaims as she frantically escorts the children into the building.

"Mrs. Cherswick, who are those weird guys?" A little girl asks with a hint of panic in her voice.

"A reminder of why you should stay in school." The educator remarks, casting a brief glare at the mobsters. "Now I want you and all of your classmates to read Chapter 17 in history book while I call the police."

Once the playground is devoid of people, Wocky can't help but scream and slam his foot on the ground out of frustration.

"Damn! This be whack, fo'shizzle! First, the high-schoolers try to beat us up, then the middle-schoolers throw trash at us, and now this! Guess we gotta go even younger. Let's hit the preschool."

"Mr. Kitaki-" One of the gangers tries to talk with a tone and look of unease, only to be interrupted by his superior.

"Aw, hell nah! G, 'Mr. Kitaki's' what you call my withered-ass old man! Me, you refer to me by my gangsta name- OG Bling-Bling Crackshot! You readin' me, homes?" Wocky snarls, leaning forward with his hands on his hips as a show of dominance.

"Yes… OG Bling-Bling Crackshot." The gangster hesitantly replies as he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. "Though as I was saying, aren't preschoolers a bit too young for our organization?"

"Don't you be dissin' them preschoolers, G. They can be hardcore as hell when they wanna be. One time, I tried to take a lollipop from some little kid- 'cause I'm gangsta like that'- and the little brat punched me right in ma bowling balls!" Wocky angrily retorted with crossed arms.

"Sorry I asked…" The gangster replied with an unimpressed look on his face.

"Don't sweat it, G. Just help the others load up the boom box and Flippin' Fred into the back of my whip. If we're quick, we may be able to get to the preschool right when snack time ends and the little bizzoys and girls are in a good mood."

"Yes, sir." The subordinate gangster replies as he and the others place their unconscious friend and the boom box in the back of the car before getting in themselves so they could be driven to their next location and further humiliated by the cringe-worthy son of their respectable boss.]

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 42**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** Well, Grossberg would certainly fit the description of the fat lady to a tee. Not to mention, I think that if he ever started singing, people would want the performance to end, even if it just started.

 **JP:** ¡ _Ay, Dios mío de java,_ now I have the scarring GROSS(Berg) image of the corpulent counsellor shoving those moobs into a metal brass brassiere. That sounds only slightly less harrowing than hearing about his 'roids! Both cases call for _café a la cara_! XD

 **Chapter 43**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** I have a friend who is partEastern and part Mediterranean in ancestry… Both are considered to be relatively hairy people backgrounds yet my friend is as smooth as a salamander! So is much as both ethnic sides cancel themselves out in this case, methinks such is also the case with a certain hard on his luck flatfoot and a certain former lady luckless!

I still maintain that listening to the gurgling's of a percolator would still be preferable to the whinging that would go on by certain glimmerous fop if Edgeworth didn't use _his_ musical services instead of a certain British knight at the Magshoe nuptials! XD

 **CT:** Knowing Edgeworth, he could probably get any musician he wants, but he would probably go with Klavier on the grounds that things would get very awkward very fast at the Prosecutor's Office if he didn't. I could picture Edgeworth choosing Elton John over Klavier, only to try to be given the cold shoulder for a month whenever he'd try to assign the rock star prosecutor cases, whose only response would be "Don't go breaking my heart."

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Thank you so much for the kind words, sweet boy! Gumshoe and Maggey were already established as a married couple, now with children (Gordy and Jeff) in Turnabout Everlasting but I am so endeared by your comment about this proposal being canon that I actually think I'm going to work on a way to do so… I love that our readers appreciate a good old-fashioned romance! :-)

 **CT:** If that's how you feel, then you'd be glad to know that my wonderful cowriter established Magshoe as alive and thriving early on in "Turnabout Everlasting". Heck, they even have a few children who have inherited their father's appetite and their mother's metabolism.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I am so happy to have helped you get better in any way we love hearing from one of our favourite most loyal readers but moreover are just happy to hear she's healthy and well again!

I have actually written up a few of your requests since this review was posted milady I hope you're happy with the final outcome! I absolutely love Miego and I really hope you're happy with the results, as well as the small surprises that will accompany these requests! :)

 **CT:** Don't worry. The only time it's too late to suggest a parody is when it's already been posted. Sure, we may have already done a "Lady and the Tramp" parody, but we're always happy to do another one. I mean, we've already made repeat visits to the soundtracks of "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "Frozen", and "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", so going back to "Lady and the Tramp" wouldn't be much of a problem.

I'm glad we were able to help you out! Being able to make a positive impact in the life of one of our readers is one reason why we do what we do!

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **JP:** Magshoe is such a wonderfully underrated duo, I need to convince myself that if Gumshoe comes back in the next game, it will at least be alluded to that he is happily hitched to his former lady luckless!

Readers have really opened up my eyes to a lot of movies and songs I don't know about until the request is made, but I always like expanding my musical repertoire! I confess to being completely ignorant about 99% of Disney sequels so I can't even say that I like her hate thumb in most cases, for example I have never seen Lady & The Tramp 2 but I was happy to fulfill the song request from there. Don't worry about thinking up a scenario to fit the requested parody, that's _our_ job! Just go ahead and ask and you shall receive! (We just ask that readers be patient because were still plowing through that _long_ list!)

 **CT:** Even if JP and/or I dislike a movie, that doesn't mean we won't write parodies for their songs. Heck, I hate "Aladdin 2" and "Frozen", but I wrote a parody for "You're Only Second Rate" and "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" because I felt that I could do something with them. So if we come up with an idea for a "Not One of Us" parody, we'll be more than happy to do it.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** It's Grossberg. One mention of The Black Hole is one too many! Hell, I wouldn't even wanna hear about Nick's backdoor blues, and that man has a butt that won't quit! XD  
 **  
**Awesome! You're in an orchestra, and another fellow reader said he's in a travelling choir… I love being surrounded by fellow music lovers and musicians!

What do you play? And how cute, you got to play for a bunch of cute little kids! Am sure they were an appreciative audience – who doesn't love the music of _The Lion King?!_

 **CT:** Good to hear. If I had to spend an extended period of time knowing Grossberg's thoughts, the word "hemorrhoids" would start to lose meaning from sheer overexposure.

It's interesting to know that you play in an orchestra. I'm glad that I got to learn something new about a long-time reader.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya funny girl! I could never picture Edgeworth being undignified enough to be at an amusement park and actually ride the rides, at least that would be the story he sticks to in order to avoid doing so, because I think it was alluded to in the Miles games that Edgey does share Phoenix's fear of heights! As for the middle names for Magshoe, I'm glad you got such a kick out of that them, as I grew up with a father who watched _Colombo_ religiously and it's one of the first names that pops into my head when I think of flatfoots, and when I think of Maggey's kind disposition despite all the hardship she's dealt with in her life, I thought Charity seemed fitting, too. These two belong to each other like PB & J!

As for your requests, I have never heard of _Sweet Charity_ so that one might actually take some further investigation on my part, but I absolutely love _The Producers_ and already have a great idea in mind for that song and absolutely fell in love with Rogers and Hammerstein's _Cinderella_ soundtrack and have already selected the song I'm going to do from there, too! Stay tuned!

 **CT:** Considering how both Gumshoe and Maggey's luck can shift so drastically, I often think of their ship as more of a rollercoaster. Though while on the topic of rollercoasters, I've always wondered how Edgeworth would handle them. Sure, he doesn't have Phoenix's fear of heights, but the shaking of the cart may cause him to have an earthquake-related panic attack, just like when the plane he was on encountered turbulence in "Turnabout Airlines". In that case, Gumshoe would probably be more than happy to ride with Edgeworth and comfort him after the whole ordeal.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I think I've had sympathy cold, since I've had one that's knocked me on my keister for the past week although I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this! I'm very happy to be your chicken soup for the soul, bud! Maggey is definitely adorable to Gumshoe's adorkable and the two of them are match made in heaven! Although I agree her girl next her cuteness doesn't quite match the bodacious babeliciousness those of the Fey clan or Lana, I'm pretty sure that Gumshoe had no objections to the goddess of misfortune's shapely figure in that waitress uniform! Even though it makes you look like you're wearing an orange Creamsicle I daresay that is a magical ensemble since it made Phoenix come the closest to have ever gotten (in canon) to acknowledging his assistant is a hottie with the eternal words: "maybe you should quit being a spirit medium!"

 _The Lion King_ is my hands-down favourite Disney movie and I'm really glad you liked my use of such a timeless, classic love song for severely underrated but much loved pairing! Thank you, you big sap lover! I'm so happy to be back from the dark side! :)

 **CT:** Not to mention, Gumshoe's crush on Maggey is adorable. Even though he's this big, burly detective, he acts like a timid child when it comes to his feelings towards her. I could just imagine one of their first dates consisting of sitting in the park and eating weenies.

If JP decided to use the movie-version, Puma and Timon would be replaced with Edgeworth lamenting about how he can't monopolize all of Gumshoe's time. And it doesn't help the Chief Prosecutor that Gumshoe isn't suffering from malnutrition thanks to the fact that he can actually afford food and therefore has the strength to fight back against his former superior. But then again, this is Gumshoe we're talking about. Knowing him, even after marrying Maggey, he keeps shrine dedicated to Edgeworth in his home because he loves and respects his former boss that much.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** I think in the end it's who raises you know who your related to that really matters which would certainly explain how Iris despite being Lady Macbeth's daughter turned out to be practically saintly as she was raised by an actual nun, and not by a coldhearted bastard that left his other daughter behind on a whim like Dahlia was. That is why I think Iris should stay with her actual "Papa" because although Barok van Zieks ultimately is a likable character and has the greatest development since Miles Edgeworth, I don't think she would be able to keep her spunk and her pluck if she were to work alongside the Grim Reaper were as her personality and her genius shines when with Sherlock Holmes, whose strong presence while maybe not intending to squash or stifle her spirited personality, I think would ultimately do so! He is quite the imposing presence, after all! I take that you finish watching DGS2? How _ah-mazing_ was it?! It was one of the few sequels that I think was better than the original probably because answered all the cliffhanger questions from game one! Hail Ryusato! I do love the idea of Gina and the adorable puppy of hers perhaps filling the void as the prosecutor's assistant – she seemed so lost after she was no longer…ah, with her first employer. At least this time her boss wouldn't be corrupt, plus I think Toby would cheer anybody up from a bad mood! Win-Win!

Don't be embarrassed about taking a chess board with you – I used to take a book with me everywhere as a kid – I didn't have a tablet/smartphone until my teens – and I would always be lost in my own little world to the point my friends would call me Book Lungs because all such a bookworm and lived and breathed to read! I didn't like dealing with people because I was such a gawky, shy introvert as a kid and books were my escape…else this must've been my misanthropy kicking in at an early age? LOL  
Even though my present occupation commands me to be congenial and have proper social graces… Most of the time I fall into role which is why am so chatty in these reader replies! (I guess turning into an extrovert as an adult was my unexpected Turnabout?)

I'm glad you enjoyed my Magshoe… (The _Heartwarming Java Shots_ that I mentioned previously not only have Ryusato, but an adorable entry for Dick and Maggey in there, too!) I love writing them, and in my mind Gumshoe is happily married to her off screen. In fact as far as I'm concerned they are pretty much confirmed canon at the end of the Miles Edgeworth game when Megan got fired from her job, _again_ , as a security guard, and Gumshoe said to her: "Don't worry, you still have _me_!" Seems like a bit beyond of our friendship thing to say, Wright? :)

 **CT:** Even though Barok and Iris would be an amusing team given their sheer contrast- I still can't believe that such a cute, upbeat girl like her is related to Barok "Grim Reaper" van Zieks- I feel that she's better off remaining Sherlock's assistant. With how off his reasoning can be, he really needs someone like Iris to keep him in check. Who knows? Maybe during her time as a detective-in-training, Gina Lestrade helped Barok out with a few cases, acting like a combination of Kay and Ema.

Though speaking of DGS and Ema, I wonder how she'd react if she found out that the glimmerous fop was somehow a descendant of the man who helped invent luminol. She would probably see it as some kind of cruel joke before reading some case files and seeing some pictures of the real Holmes, realizing how the apple didn't fall far from the tree. After that, Ema's response would probably range somewhere between gradually starting to warm up to Klavier to trying to have a night of passion with him, forcing him to make love to her while wearing an outfit similar to Holmes'. But while on the topic of Holmes, after doing some digging around, I've come up with a headcanon where the violin that Kristoph keeps in his jail cell is the same one that Holmes used to play. Perhaps Kristoph also inherited Holmes' deduction technique, which served as his magical lawyer power.

For me, I'm like Sebastian in real life. I try my absolute best at whatever I do, but there are times when I have major lapses in my logic and my wording. For example, one time, I spent around three minutes trying to pull open a push door; and another time, I was in a clothes store with some friends and one of them pulled a shirt off the rack and asked me if I liked how it looked, to which I responded with "That's not my style." Sure, that latter one doesn't seem that bad on its own, but it is when you realize that I was wearing the exact same shirt at the time. And as for words, I've referred to "malaria" as "marinara" on numerous occasions, along with many other examples.


	45. Out There I Would Be Free

_JP: My partner wrote my suggestion of about a certain fart-knocker fox boy last parody, and now here's CzarThwomp's request from me, which also goes out to milady,_ _ **chloemcg**_ _. I've never seen this movie, but I imagine poor, friendless, Princess Rayfa could relate to Scamp's yearning for a world of freedom beyond the royal walls! Hope you guys like it!_

 _CT: Knowing Rayfa, her desire for freedom probably comes from both Dhurke and Inga, what with the former being the adventurous guy that he is who tries to enjoy everything life has to offer and the latter trying to flee the palace on a number of occasions, only to be dragged back to Ga'ran's private quarters by her royal guards kicking and screaming so he could be punished.  
If we make this parody a sequel to the previous one, then maybe Rayfa could flee to the States and spend about three seconds with Wocky before realizing that maybe life outside the palace isn't all rainbows and sunshine._

* * *

" _ **Out There I Would Be Free"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "A World Without Fences"  
from Disney's **_**Lady & The Tramp 2**_

Outside these walls  
I could just be me  
Explore the streets  
Loose and running  
I'd make friends my own age  
If released from this cage  
Leave all duties at home  
Have my liberty

* * *

Out there I would be free  
Farewell sovereignty  
Amongst other children  
Who'll bring out the kid in me  
With my camaraderie  
We'd play and laugh with glee  
Out there I'd run and be free  
All of Khura'in's what I long to see

* * *

This girl wants more  
Than to pray all day  
And do séance,  
Like her mother  
So many boring grownups  
They all keep me restrained  
So lonely in this palace  
Princess birthright's my bane

* * *

A big world surrounds me  
It's where I want to be  
Out there I would be free  
And goodbye royal decree!

* * *

To shed shackles of the monarchy  
What a life that'd mean for me!  
Out there I would be free  
My pleeeeeea!

* * *

 _JP: Are you guys enjoying season 2 of the AA anime as much as I am? I personally have been most eager to see a certain mysterious, visor-wearing, coffee loving prosecutie make grand entrance, and episode 2 definitely didn't disappoint! All that was missing was the epic sax theme music! And coinciding with his small persona's small screen debut, my pal_ _ **ForGreatCoffee**_ _aka FF's own in-house "Godot" has started his own Q & A for fans to submit questions to called:  
_ _ **Waiting For Godot: Heart To Heart Java Talk!**_ _  
_

 **fanfiction s/13092517/1/Waiting-For-Godot-Heart-To-Heart-Java-Talk**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 43**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** Melody sorta reminds me of the song "Hey There Delilah" by American rock band Plain White T's. Please don't ask me to name any other song by then because I would be as lost as last year's Easter egg if forced to do so! As far as I'm concerned if something is indicated in both the games as well as the anime it's irrefutable fact, and having Gumshoe present Maggey with that bouquet of flowers at the end of _The Stolen Turnabout_ pretty much confirmed Magshoe as canon for me! The song, "Maybe Because" (I cracked up about your thoughts about Google translate, which I have been at the mercy of when attempting to write to my readers back in their native tongue in every language from German to Spanish in question is undoubtedly more beautiful in Spanish, sucking more than a Disney sequel!) It definitely, fit the these two adorkables to a T! It was so sweet, thanks for sharing! I wonder what your thoughts on _The Stolen Turnabout_ episode 2 are.

 **CT:** The anime actually did it. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it, but they actually managed to make Maggey and Gumshoe's relationship even cuter than it is in the games. Between Maggey's overall adorability and Gumshoe using what I believe is his life's savings to buy her to flowers, I couldn't help but watch the episode with a big goofy grin on my face. Plus, I got a good laugh with how they addressed Wellington's facial expressions.

 **Chapter 44**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Not to mention, it doesn't help that Wocky's case marks a giant dip in the plot of "Apollo Justice". In the first case, you're defending Phoenix, the protagonist that we all know and love, and throughout the case, and you're given hints that something went wrong, that some kind of awful event transpired to reduce him from the goofy Comeback King to a mysterious, snarky, hobo-looking poker player. And then to make things even more interesting, you learn that Apollo's mentor was the true murderer and that Phoenix was secretly pulling the strings behind the whole trial in order to bring Kristoph to justice. "Turnabout Trump" does such a good job of setting up the plot and making the player want to know more, but do we get that? No, we don't. Instead of continuing to gradually learn about what happened to Phoenix over the last seven years, we're given a case where we're defending a more grating version of 2017 Justin Bieber.

After seeing how Wocky is, I don't blame Winfred for wanting to get out of the mob life and start a bakery. Sure, he did it because he loves his son, but I have a feeling that another reason why he did it was because he didn't want to subject everyone else in the group to the torture of being led by Wocky once he was gone. Probably at least once a week, Winfred would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after having a nightmare where every member of the Kitaki family was brutally murdered within 24 hours of Wocky taking control of the group. That, and Winfred probably noted how the goons in his organization were leaving by the dozen as Wocky became more involved, prompting him to either get out of the world of crime or be a mafia of three.

 **JP:** Your reviews are always worth waiting for bud! Everybody always rags about Turnabout Big Top and more recently Turnabout Storyteller being among the worst cases in the Ace Attorney game series and I agree they really bite the big one, but the fat drunken bumbler from game six still didn't meet the same criteria of teeth grinding instilled in me while being forced to defend that insufferable, birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory, furry wannabe! I swear my eyes were rolling so hard throughout that entire case I swear I could see down my back! I really do believe that his daddy's goons probably did decide to quit the whole mobster racket once they realized that this little twerp was going to be their new boss giving mommy and daddy no choice but to turn into straight bakers! Who do you think butchered the English language worse between him and Redd White?

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** In terms of where in the timeline "The Hardcore Wocky" takes place in, it's a few months before the start of "Apollo Justice". Sure, Wocky may have been shot in the heart, but he was a gangsta, and gangsta don't be learning nothing. But nowadays, I can picture Wocky using his songwriting talents to help market the OG Cracker. And in regards to Wocky stealing sweets from little kids, who said anything about him actually succeeding? Sure, Wocky may try to look and act all tough, but I can easily see a little kid overpowering him.

 **JP:** Wocky needs that over-inflated ego stroked like I need a hole in the head, as he's obviously the by product of waaaay too many hugs given as a child – or being dropped too many times on his head during that formative duration, seeing as how, as you said, he learned absolutely nothing from nearly losing his life. Hence, he was still a punk whom I love to hate! At least Wesley the panty perv you could mock – fox boy just made my teeth grind to near dust while I watched him butcher the Engrish language in a manner that would have made even Redd White cringe, surely!

I cracked up at the all too believable idea of this OG being the sort to take candy from a baby! I hope he at least got baby goober spewed at him in return! Can you tell I hate this guy? XD

Pleasure as always milady. Thanks for the kind words! :)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** While I am not the most musically-inclined person out there, I did play the trumpet for several years. Though despite its appearance, the trumpet can actually be moderately painful to play for extended periods of time due to its weight and the fact that you have to bend your arms at 90 degree angles and not move them in the slightest.

Don't worry about it. When it comes to Wocky, I can imagine his preferred genre being rap. However, I decided to parody "The Elegant Captain Hook" because the theme of the song lined up nicely with something that I could picture Wocky doing; in addition to the fact that if I tried to write the kind of rap that Wocky would perform again, I'd probably bash my head through my monitor.

 **JP:** Wow. This is nothing against you of course, dear reader, and absolutely zero offense is intended in my following thoughts on that humanoid you mentioned, so here goes…

I looked up this music "critic" you spoke of whom I've never heard of before, and I am confused to his mass popularity which seems to stem from allegedly daring to be different and dumping on stuff most people love – in this case my personal fave Disney movie of all time. And not even in an interesting or articulated or even funny way. _"Holy f*ckballs, I hated this song?" (Hakuna Matanta)_

How…original and eloquent! Far be it for me to argue with logic like that!

I guess in this world of inflated and misplaced entitlement/everyone bitching about everything, on and off the internet, he fits the mould of today's society and culture. My final thoughts: Dude just makes me further stick to my general thoughts about people tossing about their unsolicited view like it's gospel: _opinions are like arseholes. Some are just louder and smellier than others!_ XD

Anywhore…

Cello! That's a badass instrument! I remember a TV show back in the day where a girl was being teased that she was a failed cellist because she couldn't get her legs around the large string thing! Dunno if you're into rock but one of my fave bands is this awesome group of Finnish dudes called _Apocalyptica_ who play heavy metal tunes – like _Metallica_! – on cello! Nope, can't play any instrument worthy a lick, but I come from a family of religious singers – grandfather was a minister, so my mom has the voice of an angel when singing for the church, and I guess I inherited that gene, as I sang with our church choir growing up. Maybe that's why musical influences so much how I feel, and what I write. Soothing fuel for my angst artistic soul! :)

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** Considering how Sherlock and Iris are as people, as well as the active lifestyle the former lives, I think that it's safe to say that Iris probably raised herself, with Sherlock giving her the occasional bit of advice. Though while we haven't seen any direct dialogue with Klimt, I think it's safe to assume that he's nowhere near as dour as Barok, so I think that also plays a role in how she's so different from the Reaper. Though speaking of which, since Barok isn't her father, I could picture Iris constantly referring to him as "Barry", much to his displeasure if they did decide to work together.  
Regarding Athena's shift from introversion to extroversion, I believe that the main factor that influenced that change was how Athena's hearing became more bearable for her as she aged, allowing her to actually engage in conversations without too much pain. You can tell by Athena's desire to be friends with Ponco, Clonco, and Juniper that she wanted to be social, yet she was unable to because of her condition. Though whether or not the transition seems natural, I think that we can all agree that if Athena had remained introverted, her character wouldn't be quite as enjoyable.  
If Ema tried to teach Klavier about forensics, she would probably be reduced to tears in the first 30 minutes by how little he knows about science. Though the ironic thing is that considering how Sherlock is as a person, Klavier would probably be his favorite descendant. I mean, Klavier takes an active role in investigating crime scenes, always searches for the truth, and strives to have a good time and enjoy his work.

 **JP:** Welp, _there_ 's one way to ensure that I never sleep again… Picturing Satan's Secretary procreating is definitely one nightmare were than anything Freddy Krueger could come up with! I do agree with you that Iris and the former Grim Reaper would be an adorable duo to see in action together since she is so playful and he is such a straight man I am picturing a dynamic very similar to Miles Edgeworth and Kay Faraday!

I don't think the whole sequels suck rule applies to video games because I personally that DGS2 was equal if not better than the first and a satisfying conclusion to the initial cliffhanger ending!

Didn't know that Vicki had her own page so that some pretty cool trivia… On the topic of Queen Victoria by any chance have you checked out the _Black Butler_ fandom which is set in Victorian England time? It's very dark but has an underlying humorous theme and as a bit of a history lover I am fascinated to see an addicting fictitious tale entwined with actual historical events and places and people. I'm just wondering how many other fans are out there from that fandom I don't have too many of the home so it's always nice to know I could chat about it to others as well as about AA!

As somebody that was an introverted child and bookworm, I do feel a particular affinity with Athena breaking out of her shell and doing the complete turnabout with her persona as an adult I feel like I have more in common with big red than a lot of the other characters because of this factor as well as the whole sensitive hearing thing that I actually do possess although of course nowhere near as much as her almost supernatural bat like quality! It does make me wonder though about the whole concept about your personality allegedly being formed in childhood when she and I are exceptions to that rule and it sounds like you are to since you said that you are now an extrovert and therefore get your energy more from being around others as opposed to having it sapped from you like it would from an introvert who's around people for too long, who would then some solitude to recharge their batteries? I've taken the Myers-Briggs test a million times but I continue to be the irrefutable enigma of a people pleasing people hater… My misanthropy refuses to be outweighed by the fact that I am an extrovert at heart!

The underrated Maggey and Dick are peas and carrots in my book! Magshoe's courtship is something I'm really looking forward to seeing further expanded in the anime considering they pretty much made it canon with the whole rose bouquet presentation at the end of _The Stolen Turnabout!_ What did you think of episode two and what are your thoughts about the intro music? I love the animation but not sure how I feel about it but it might be growing on me… The Outro music I absolutely love!

Part of my ancestral background is that of a Commonwealth countries I grew up with a lot of British influence in my family, plus I'm Canadian so we're England's bastard love child anyway… I've been known to say cheers myself whenever people send me a personal message and when signing off on emails… If that makes me be pointed out as a stuck a British wannabe in Phoenix Wright's eyes I would say…in my best Edgey tone: " _Just remember one thing, Mr. Wright: Every time you point your finger, someone gets hurt. Now take that finger and point it at your own head_ (and hope a boot doesn't come flying at it!)" XD

In short, nope, I'd never think of you as a wonderful and loyal reader, so cheers all you want!

Cheers,

JP


	46. Poor, Pathetic Mooks

_CT: Let me tell you, this parody was one of the hardest I've had to write. "Poor, Unfortunate Souls" is challenging enough to parody with its fast tempo, but it becomes a whole new world of difficulty when you also have to write it with Tigre's Brooklyn accent and slang in mind; and it didn't help that I had to also had to deal with Jean Armstrong's Franglish in the dialogue portions. Who is that pink creampuff trying to fool? He's about as French as a carton of wine you'd find at a discount store served with a side of graham crackers and spray cheese! But despite my complaints, this parody was a labor of love and I was more than happy to write it for you guys._

 _JP: This one's for_ _ **JusticeForNoOne/PurpleHoodedAngel**_ _… and while screamingly hilarious, as is tradition, many of you may also squeal like a certain jiggling pastry puff at the sight of zee 'andsome hommes as he plays a large role in this diddy – albeit I'm guessing those of zee readers will be in l'horror! XD_

* * *

 **"Poor, Pathetic Mooks"**  
 **Sung to the tune of "Poor, Unfortunate Souls"  
from Disney's** _ **The Little Mermaid**_

 _[Seated behind his gaudy gold desk, Tigre is busy drawing a crude doodle of him stabbing Bruto Cadaverini with a knife on a loose sheet of paper, when suddenly…]_

 _ **["What are you drawing, Don Tigre…?"**_ _Viola creepily whispers behind the loan shark's back, the warm air from her breath hitting the back of his neck.]_

 _ **["D-Damn it, Viola!"**_ _Tigre growls, quickly tearing the paper to shreds._ _ **"Why youse always gotta go sneakin' up on me like some damn ghost all da time?!"]**_

 _ **["Sorry, Don Tigre… It's… just how I am… Hee… Hee… Hee…"**_ _The mobster giggles with a mischievous grin.]_

 _ **["That don't make it any less creepy! Now whaddya want?"**_ _The loan shark snaps.]_

 _ **["You've got… a client."**_ _Viola nods, prompting Jean Armstrong to nervously enter the office.]_

 _ **["B-Bonjour, Monsieur Tigre."**_ _The pink-cladded chef sheepishly states, his eyes pointing to the groun_ _d._ " _ **My name iz Jean Armstrong, and I would like to borrow $500,000 for my restaurante."]**_

 _ **["Damn!"**_ _Tigre exclaims with a wide eyes._ _**"What kinda food are youse servin', gold and caviar?"]**_

 _ **["Non, c'est Francais. I need zee money for zee decor and zee bath oils zat I give to zee customers to 'elp zem with their skin. For instance, given your complexion, I would say zat you need… une blend of tiger lilies et snapdragons."**_ _Jean states with his rose in his mouth, holding up a blue bottle.]_

 _ **["Gwoaaaaaaaaar! I ain't usin' no sissy ointment, ya damn puffball!"**_ _Tigre roars.]_

 _ **["Pardon moi, Monsieur Tigre!"**_ _Jean shrieks like a little girl, wasting no time in getting the detested bath oil out of the temperamental loan shark's sight._ _**"But vill you 'elp me with zee matter of zis loan?"]**_

 _[Upon hearing this question, Tigre scowl turns to a grin before he begins singing.]  
_

* * *

 _[Tigre]_

I admit my business may seem a bit seedy,  
Dey ain't kiddin' when dey say I'm with da Mob.  
But you'll see I ain't nothin' like 'em at all,  
Understandin', calm of temper, and a bit of a heartthrob.  
It's true, see?

* * *

And I've got oodles of cash,  
My talents give me plenty of dat.  
And lately, lucky for you,  
I use it to help those who are desperate, hopeless, and have fallen flat,  
Ya dig?

* * *

Poor, pathetic mooks,  
At my door, in need. Pah!  
Dat one wants to be a rebel,  
Dat one's got gambling debts,  
And do I help 'em? Hell yeah!

* * *

Those poor, pathetic mooks,  
So unfortunate, so sad.  
Dey come flockin' to my office,  
Beggin', "Money, Tigre, please!"  
And I say to dem,  
"Hell yeah, comrade!"

* * *

Now, sometimes there's a little threat,  
Where some mook can't pay their debt,  
And I had ta dig into dem with my hooks.  
Yeah, there's the occasional grumble,  
But for de most part I'm quite humble,  
To those poor, pathetic mooks.

* * *

 _ **["Ok Pinky, I'll give youse dat half a million for dat restaurant of yours…"**_ _Tigre states with a toothy grin.]_

 _ **["Merci, Monsieur Tigre! Merci!"**_ _Jean joyfully proclaims._ _**"But I vhat if I am unable to pay you back? Vhat if zee customers do not appreciate zee improvements I vill make with zee money?"**_ _The chef asks, his expression becoming forlorn.]_

 _ **["I was just gettin' ta dat."**_ _The orange loan shark chuckles, lightly patting his client on the cheek._ _**"See, if youse can't pay off your loan, I'll simply have youse do a couple of … favors for me."]**_

 _ **["Monsieur, I will not do zee murdering or zee stabbing or zee like!"**_ _Jean objects with a scowl on his face, puffing out his chest and moving his torso back and forth in some disturbing dance._ _ **"I 'ave seen zee movies, and I vill not grind up your enemies and make them into une delicieuse dish and 'ave one of  
your rivals eat them! Pourquoi, I 'ave only just gotten zee 'ealth inspector to get off my back about zee rat meat I used to make my lobster bisque!"]**_

 _ **["First off, Viola, remind me never to eat anything at dat guy's joint."**_ _Tigre states with a disgusted look on his face, to which his assistant nods in agreement._ _**"And second, I ain't plannin' on doing nothin' like dat. See, I just need a place I can use as a second base of operations for meetings, killin' people, hidin corpses, and da like. So, whaddya say? We gotta deal?"]**_

 _ **["I… I do not know, Monsieur Tigre… I-I don't know if I can bring myself to allow those kinds of activities in my restaurant. And vhat if zee customers find out zat I got 'elp from a loan shark?"]**_

 _[Once again, the loan shark decides to respond to the pink-cladded chef's question by singing.]_

* * *

 _[Tigre]_

The customers don't care where you get da money,  
As long as da food's up to snuff.  
Yeah, as long as you got dat,  
In your seats their asses'll be sat,  
And ain't your money situation been rough?

* * *

Ain't no one gives a damn about ethics,  
People go around 'em whenever dey can!  
But nobody will snub,  
Da restaurant with da best grub,  
And everyone will be your biggest fan!

* * *

C'mon, ya poor, pathetic mook!  
Be a man! Roll da dice!  
See, I'm a very busy guy,  
Who ain't got all day.  
It won't cost much,  
Yourservitude'll suffice!

* * *

Ya poor, pathetic mook,  
It's business,  
It's textbook.  
If ya wanna take a gamble, fruitcake,  
Ya can't be a wimp and retract,  
Scratch a back and get scratched back,  
So sign da damn contract!  
Viola, Bruto Punchin' Bag,  
I got him bagged!  
I'm so freakingtaaaaact!

Dis poor, patheticmooooooook!

* * *

[ _Viola hands Jean a contract, which he proceeds to sign with a nearby pen as Tigre laughs maniacally.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 44**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Sure, a plan to utilize the impressionable nature of young children to turn them to a life of crime seems like it could work. However, don't forget that while young children are easily influenced and naïve, they are by no means stupid. They would take one look at Wocky and would know that he's full of more crap than a Porta-Potty at a laxative testing facility, prompting them to never commit a crime for as long as they live.

 **JP:** Hi Lyn! I was just talking to another reader in the last chapter about how personality is formed in childhood... no doubt this spoiled, obnoxious little twerp's was! Thankfully he was foiled in his attempts to corrupt the youngsters... I really think the horror of having him as their new mob boss someday is the reason the Kitakis went straight... Because of the rapidly dwindling goon henchmen count! 😆

 **Chapter 45**

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** You obviously have a great sense of humor (glad I didn't offend you with my rant!) so I'm sure he's gotta be entertaining to have such a vast following. :)

I haven't seen the movie but the song and pup are too cute for words!

Never occurred to me to think of Pearl being like Rayfa even though they mistook her for the royal pain in the hilarious DLC...but as sweet and polite as Pearl is, and "Mr. Nick" nickname is much sweeter than "Barbed Head" she was guilty of assaulting poor Phoenix as well...just a case of staff vs Fey fists of fury!

As for your request dear reader, it should be finished by the time you will read this...just a matter of funneling through the loooong request list and trying to post them in some sort of order of request! But I love _The Lion King_ and I promise you it will be worth the wait...at least I hope _you_ think so! 😊

 **CT:** In my opinion, the Nostalgia Critic was his most entertaining during his early reviews- the Tan Wall Era, as I refer to them- because he would actually focus on commentating and reacting to the film. But ever since he came out of retirement back in 2013, they've been trying to shoehorn these skits into the reviews that only serve to elongate video runtime and take focus from what's actually being reviewed, a.k.a. the reason people come to watch the videos in the first place. It's no better than those obnoxious cutaways in "Family Guy". Actually, scratch that. With "Family Guy", the cutaways may be irritating, but they've been there since the beginning, so it's at least staying true to itself. Channel Awesome, on the other hand, would be like if "American Dad" started using cutaways.  
In terms of similarities, don't forget that both Pearl and Rayfa both try to be refined when speaking and are prone to hitting people who don't agree with them. I would have loved to see Pearl meet her Khura'inese tsundere counterpart in SoJ in a matter that doesn't result in her trying to steal her identity and become royalty. I may have been a bit disappointed in the "Asinine Attorney" DLC as a whole, but I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Phoenix's bluffing actually caused Rayfa to be usurped by Pearl.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I'm so happy you liked your request, milady! In hindsight it should not surprise me most of your requests involved animals, this last one a cute puppy and the other one about bears...do you have a lot of pets/work with animals? Genuine curiosity, not judgement ...hell I like them more than people!

It will be fun to see how you portray Godot ...wishing you the best of luck with overcoming that writer's block! Maybe check out the anime on Crunchyroll for inspiration? Yes it's out now and it's AWESOME! Can't wait to hear your thoughts/future requests!

 **CT:** We're glad that you liked how we handled your suggestion. If you have any more, don't be afraid to let us know and we'll be glad to give them a shot.  
In regards to the new season of the "Ace Attorney" anime, if you liked the first season, you'll love the new one. Not only does the animation look a whole lot better, but we also get a cute little credit song featuring Maya going about her daily routine as well as Godot appearing by the third episode.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I hate how they made Scamp, the cutest and memorable of Lady and Tramp's pups, basically be Wocky (albeit a cuter version!) in a canine form...a spoilt little rich boy who thinks he's bad and wants the thug life and obviously looks down at his "couch" father. Screw you, Scamp! The Tramp is freaking awesome and EARNED that cushy life after such a tough one in the streets that you take for granted! How does it end? I can't be bothered to watch it as I hate the sequels!

Yes, I definitely posted this song when Rayfa (who also grew on me later on unlike her insufferable loathsome brother Braid Head/Melsa/Sad Monk!) was still under the alleged care of the blood-thirsty spider and the wannabe, greasy gangster. No judgment about wanting to get away indeed!

I think I'll agree with you about fox boy winning the only thing I'll ever grant him - the contest of being more grating and offensive to all the senses more than the clown ass who undoubtedly fried for his sins. At least I could occasionally snicker/groan at some of Redd's Janglish... Wocky's street jive only made my jaw ache from my teeth grinding!

Thanks for dropping me a line bud!

 **CT:** I'll give you that bit about Ga'ran, but don't you go dragging poor Inga through the mud. Sure, he may have done some questionable things, but he truly loved Rayfa like a daughter, and she loved him as a father. Plus, if you were married to someone like Ga'ran for an untold number of years, you'd probably snap too.

For me, I did not start liking Rayfa as a character until "Turnabout Revolution" when we see just how alone she is in the world- all those times she'd call for Nayna's help, only for no one to assist her, as well as her asking Phoenix if she could speak to Inga's ghost if she slept in his bed after the attorney examines it. Though things truly get sad once the trial starts and you see that Ga'ran is essentially a female version of Blaise who rules a country when she takes every opportunity to belittle Rayfa. Heck, on one pressed statement, Ga'ran literally calls Rayfa flat-chested, prompting the poor girl to want to double her milk intake.

If we ever did a one-shot of this parody, we would definitely have to include a plot point where Inga flees from the palace because he can't stand the idea of living with just Ga'ran and Amara, fighting his way through Ga'ran's guards as he makes a mad dash for the exit.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** It's funny you drew the parallel to Her Benevolence and Franny... Someone else drew the parallel between Pearl and the princess both are guilty of christening Phoenix with personalized nicknames and assaulting him on occasion, however, I've been calling her Franziska Jr. myself for the most part although considering her age, I still give Princess Rayfa more leeway for her initial bad behavior ... She had shitty fake parents AND a sheltered/brainwashed upbringing and was only a kid, whereas Fran was an adult (for the record, I love her now... her character development in the Miles games/T & T sealed it!) as is her craptastic Braid Head brother who what's the most load some character in SOJ for me and this included the bloated face drunkard defendant, the balloon bimbo, a Trump male impersonator, and a slimy cretin who offed Daddy Dragon, aka the only other DILF in the series besides Nick! Curse that dastardly fiend!

Remember, Yuti wasn't supposed to be a villain...the other two _were_! (Yeah Bucky wasn't a bad guy – he was just aggravating!)

I have seen some fan art shipping Pearl with Fox Boy and I think I've even read a couple of one shots pairing those two...ugh! I'm trying to figure out what sweet Pearl ever did to deserve such horrible punishment? She's such a romantic, starry-eyed, fairytale loving dreamer who deserves a prince not a prick! In my stories, I tend to go with the crack pairing of her and the princely gentleman that is Luke Triton, which my readers seem to love, and is made semi plausible because of the Layton/Nick crossover game!

In my drabbles, which I did a few years back, I paired furry wannabe with Robin Newman and threw them both off a cliff under the prompt "falling!" 😂

I haven't seen you write anything bad, so now I have to go back and look at the story you referenced! Of course I'm your totally biased Fangirl but nevertheless, I'm betting it was pretty damn good! Better late than never always a pleasure to hear from you funny girl!

 **CT:** I have to admit, when I first started SoJ, I wanted to punch Rayfa so many times during "The Foreign Turnabout". It was like I was dealing with some aggravating fusion of Franziska's condescending nature and Sebastian's sheer arrogance before his redemption. But as the game continued, Rayfa's character started to grow on me, especially when it's revealed that she was a huge daddy's girl and that Inga deeply cared about her- heck, I loved it to the point where I wrote a series of shorts exploring that subject. By the end of the story, I started to see Rayfa as a tsundere version of Pearl- eager to please other and prove her worth, but at the same time afraid to show her true colors around people who she doesn't fully trust- who I was happy to see have a good ending.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** I despised Khura'in Galadriel. The end. Like aside from his hilarious line of _"what's a crack-a-lackin, homie?"_ and heavenly banter with Simon (causing me to ship him and the man pretty Prosecutor Flutter even more than I did with him X Adrian!) I can't find a damn thing likable about him! He had zilch character development IMO. If we go back to our speculation about personality being developed in childhood and then further being shaped in your adolescent years, his child princess sister has room for growth and was already showing character development by the end of the game where is he remained stagnant and is an adult so he has no excuse for sucking! Blech!

Nothing wrong with being self-raised...Trucy seemed to have done a fine job because let's face it, her sperm donor left her to fend for herself and be working at the age of 8, so Iris being in the same boat makes sense...both gals did a great job!

The idea of the nerdy science beauty finally warming up to the fop-star upon finding out about his ancestry to the world's most famous detective sounds like it would make a wonderful fanfiction or at least a One-Shot just throwing that out there! Has it been confirmed that Sherlock was an ancestor of the Gavin's or is this just fan speculation, like that van Zieks is a von Karman ancestor and Miles's predecessor was Asougi?

About sequels, there are some cases where I have thought the sequel was just as good if not better than the original... I totally agree with you about the Phoenix Wright games progressively getting better for the most part, and then there's also the Miles 2 game and DGS2 but my favorite go-to for the sequel being better than the original is _Terminator 2: Judgment Day_! 😎

And if we throw remakes into the mix, Robert DeNiro's _Cape Fear_ is better than the Gregory Peck version and the movie is better than the book. :)

I did get a kick out of them using a real-life writer in the DGS games...it's the kind of stuff that makes me drawn to series like _Black Butler_. I am no historian, of course, but I do my best to put historical/cultural/location accuracies whenever I implement them in my stories, unless I'm purposely being cheeky like having Maya think that all French people eat are frog legs and snails!😆

I really hope they don't change the masks prosecutor's epic theme song in the anime... And I really love how they expand on the characters and their reactions to things in the anime I actually even like the first season other of course I'm loving the much better animation because they also made Larry and Wendy and Lotta more tolerable - anime Southern She-Devil was likable enough for me not to want to see her get slapped by Phoenix like she did in the video game version!

I haven't really written any of the Spirit of Justice characters till now so I'm really happy that you enjoyed my portrait of the adorable princess whose character did such a turnabout in the game she was almost unrecognizable as she became so likable! Thank you, dear reader!

Cheers,

JP

 **CT:** There's no way that Holmes taught Iris about deductions. After all, she's actually correct with hers. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Ema has a Snackoo problem in "Apollo Justice"- she had to deal with countless months of hearing Klavier theorize about Indian lions, poisoned soap, and gravity being reversed. So considering how cunning Kristoph is, perhaps he inherited his superior deduction skills from his uncle, Mycroft Holmes.

When it comes to my personality, I've been an introverted deep thinker for as long as I can remember. If I'm out in public for an extended period of time, I will feel totally drained and overwhelmed until I get at least a good hour or so of alone time. However, that's not to say that the stereotypical mime-esque depiction of an introvert. Granted, I small talk tends to bore me and I don't contribute much to the conversation due to a lack of interest, but if I'm giving a speech or talking about something I like, then I can go on and on for hours on end.

As you can probably guess, my favorite part of the second episode of the second season would have to be how they perfectly captured Luke Atmey's character. I especially liked how they added more screenshots of him 'battling' with Mask DeMasque. Though I'm a bit disappointed that they have yet to show Peal slapping Phoenix. Considering how Phoenix becomes the next Avatar whenever he objects, I can only imagine how over-the-top they would make Pearl's slaps of fury.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** I think the wide 14-year age gap between the 28-year-old Kurain Master and the princess would be a huge factor for the country not allowing them to make a royal marriage ... Although I have no idea what legal age is in (fictional) "West Asia." Also, I imagine they'd insist Rayfa find a male prince/king counterpart to continue the royal bloodline which of course, would be nigh impossible to do with two queens on the throne….

 **CT:** Even if Ga'ran never tried to execute her plan to usurp Amara, I don't believe she'd ever leave Khura'in. Sure, Ga'ran would feel embittered that Amara is queen while she isn't, but she's still royalty and would live a life of opulence regardless. As for her career, no matter where Ga'ran lives, given the sadistic delight that she takes in dominating her opponents, she would still become a prosecutor.

Regarding your other question, I don't believe that Maya would marry Rayfa. For one thing, while Maya is a spirit medium, she is still a foreigner who the people of Khura'in would be very leery of letting into their government. And even if Maya was a candidate for the throne, Rayfa would be cast aside in favor of Maya who is much more skilled given that she can actually channel spirits, which would mean that she could make Phoenix king. And that brings us to the next topic: the very nature of the relationship. Even if Rayfa and the people of Khura'in were fine with the union, we have never seen Maya show any interest towards women, let alone those who are half her age. But even if the stars aligned and everything went without a hitch- both parties agree with the marriage, Khura'in somehow has the technology allow same-sex couples to procreate, etc.- there is no certainty that the resulting child would have spiritual powers. I mean, look at Pearl. Her mother had absolutely no powers whatsoever, yet by age eight, she was just as capable as Maya in terms of spirit channeling.


	47. One Leap Before

_JP: A big thank you to my creative co-pilot for helping steer me with some direction with this song request for_ _ **JusticeForNoOne, FloraAlice**_ _and_ _ **Yankeegirl13**_ _– I'm so used to writing the virtuous AA cast that this playful tune about a sticky-fingered street-rat had me initially drawing a blank about parodies – until he suggested a certain diminutive but big-mouthed red-haired Pink Panther from T & T! I hope you guys like this parody – which now coincides with the current Season 2 AA anime storyline featuring a certain Cinnabon-haired thief's run from the law before he unmasked himself – The Stolen Turnabout! :) _

_CT: Here's the long-awaited "One Step Ahead" parody! I hope you like this song JP did involving everyone's favorite Princess Leia-lookalike thief as much as I do! Though while we're on the topic, it really boggles the mind of just how reckless Desiree's spending was if Ron had no choice but to steal priceless jewels and pieces of art to support her. With such a complete disregard for money, it's amazing that they were able to pay their rent._

* * *

 ** _"One Leap Before"_**  
 **Sung to the tune of "One Jump Ahead"  
from Disney's** ** _Aladdin_**

[Ron:]

Gotta be  
One leap before the creditors  
One day ahead of due date  
I steal stuff the wife would approbate  
And that's everything!

* * *

One leap before all the flatfoots

My life of crime's no joke

Dessie, can't discover that I'm broke!

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Burglar!_

 _Bandit!_

 _Rascal!_

 _Take that!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Just a few gemstones boys

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Cuff him now and lock him up boys!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Gotta face the truth. Need to pay my bills.  
Doing it all for love, it's true!

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _For_ _Who_?

* * *

[Gumshoe:]  
 _It's Mask DeMasque who's struck now once again  
_ _He's become a one-man rise in crime_

* * *

[Godot]:  
 _I'd claim lack of scruples but he's got none_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Thief against my will  
Gotta steal for wife  
If they catch me I'll be doing time!

* * *

One leap ahead of the Popo  
One step ahead cuz they're slow  
Next time I'll pick an alias less known!

* * *

One leap before all the lawmen  
Hair's breadth ahead of the cops  
I'll catch my breath once around this block!

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Stop crook!  
Pilferer!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Sorrrrrrrry!

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Chiseler!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
All so quick to judge me

* * *

["Ace Detective"]  
 _Don't forget about Luke Atmey_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Gotta face the truth, gotta pay my bills  
Doing it all for love, it's true!

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Screw you!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
One leap before all the sirens

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Criminal!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
One skip ahead of the chumps

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Looter!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
If caught it'll be a disaster

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Pirate!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
They're fast, thank God I'm faster

* * *

[The Fuzz:]  
 _Robber!_

* * *

[Ron:]  
Geronimo!  
Gotta take this chancy!  
Final flight of fancy!  
All I gotta do is… JUMP!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 44**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Given how obsessed Wocky is about his street cred and being gangsta, I feel that "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" was his biggest influence, particularly the character of OG Loc. Seriously, you could take any of Wocky's lines and replace them with Loc's and nothing would feel out of place.

Regarding Captain Hook's skill with the piano, I think that it's due to the fact that he wears a cravat. After all, if a character's wearing a cravat, chances are they are a master of many things- just look at Edgeworth, Manfred, Barok van Zieks, Dracula from the "Castlevania" series, Prince Sidon from "Breath of the Wild", and many others. So if Phoenix takes a tip from Edgeworth's wardrobe and starts wearing one of those frilly napkins, he'll become a master of the piano in a matter of minutes.

I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I can't grasp how anyone could possibly dislike Pearl. Is that even possible? She's polite, always tries to be helpful, and has only a single desire in this world: to see her cousin- who she sees her as a mother- find happiness with the guy who has saved her four times over the course of two years. Though speaking of Pearl and her shipping ways, she would be very happy to know that your sister is following the righteous path of Phaya.

 **JP:** Fredgeworth AND Phaya? Tell your sister she's got a friend in me already! I know, I'm easy to impress. Guilty as charged! Get her to watch the anime, which is Phaya heaven! :)

Much like in court, I reckon Nick was going with the "fake it till you make it" vibe as a pianist circa hobo DILF days ( _como hacen muchas mujeres en el cama! Jajaja!)_ but only because Edgy was too busy fighting crime overseas to force his BFF into piano lessons once he heard the toneless card shark torturing, rather than tickling those ivories! Maybe CT is right – the secret's in the 17th century military accessory choice of the Croats?

Godot is sexy as hell in the anime and they've done his voice great justice even in the Japanese version I am bouncing off the walls to see who they get to dub him in the English version! That flying coffee was just as epic as I had hoped it would be!

That is some really interesting trivia about the director of the Ace Attorney live action movie… Although it really shouldn't surprise me since although Ace Attorney's only rated teen, for the most part, …it's all some dark shizz still. In fact, in the immortal hilarious words of BrentalFloss, I dare say:

 ** _It's a comedy of errors with the violence of Macbeth_**

 ** _So cute and charming (MURDER!)_**

 ** _Zany, wacky, jokey (DEATH!)_**

 ** _Yeah, I meet all kinds of weirdos on my justice-seeking quest_**

 ** _The dudes are total dicks, and the ladies have big breasts!_**

 ** _Come on, y'all!_**

 ** _DICKS! BOOBIES! DICKS! BOOBIES! DICKS!_**

 ** _BOOBIES! BOOBIES! DICKS!_**

 ** _DICKS! BOOBIES! DICKS! BOOBIES! DICKS!_**

 ** _BOOBIES! BOOBIES! DICKS!_**

 ** _Uhh... boobies?_**

 **Chapter 45**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _De nada_ for the small gesture of promoting your wonderful "Ask Godot" FF, Señor Java! After all your years of being a loyal reader, I am delighted to be able to return the favor and have fans get a chance to get to know the man behind the mask! Rayfa is a fantastic example character development – it was just Miles Edgeworth expedited in SOJ, because you started warming up to her around the third case, whereas you didn't really feel Edgeworth's pain and sorrow until the final case of the first AA game… Which is only compounded if you played _Rise From The Ashes!_ Of course, my warming fuzzy feelings for the loli Princess are not extended towards her man pretty brother or invertebrate mother, but I digress. At least she seemed to have made a friend in Ahlbi and pup in the game so she wasn't as lonely near the end. Well that, and she got her "pocket internet" back! :)

 **CT:** Well, if it makes you feel better, at least Rayfa had Inga to keep her company in that gilded cage. Sure, Inga did his fair share of questionable acts, but at least he actually loved Rayfa. Plus, Inga was more than punished for his sins when he'd have to wake up every morning with the realization that he was married to Ga'ran; and you know that his marriage was a nightmare. If Ga'ran could be so verbally abusive in court to the girl that had just lost her father and everyone thought was her daughter, then imagine how she was as a wife… especially after remembering that she owns a paddle.

 **Chapter 46**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Even though Tigre was terrified of Bruto- a man who even struck fear into even the police- he at least could count on his protection. After all, even if Tigre did pay off his debt to the Don, he and Tender Lender would still be part of the Cadaverini network due to the fact that he couldn't just dump Viola to the curve without ending up in Gourd Lake with a shiny new pair of cement shoes. So with that in mind, Tigre wouldn't be in the least bit afraid of Winfred's influence and wouldn't hesitate to beat Wocky into a bloody pulp.

 **JP:** In the animal kingdom, even though foxes and tigers are both predators, I'm a cat person in this case – I'd like to think the wannabe Nick would eat that furry fart-face for breakfast! I mean, as you said, Tigre is actually kind of tough… Wocky got a cap busted in his own ass during an ambush _he_ planned! The mafia princess is a great example of a complex AA character – part victim/sorta villain but not really, and definitely intriguing. I love how a character we saw just once could be so titillating… not unlike a certain other masked anti-hero from the most iconic case in the whole first trilogy (IMO) but I digress. Poor Armstrong – he's not even supposed to be a bad guy and he still makes readers as squeamish as Tigre around Bruno! ?

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** When writing the parody, I wanted to have the singer be someone who is a manipulator who relies on twisted deals to get their way. So with that in mind, I had narrowed it down to two scenarios: the one that was chosen and Redd White tempting Grossberg. But then when I remembered that Jean is under the delusion that he is a pretty little flower, there was no doubt whatsoever about what the obvious choice was.  
Regarding your latest idea, we're more than happy to give it a shot- especially if it does in fact lead to the Judge getting his own parody.

 **JP:** I like the idea that almost 50 songs in and over half a year later, CT and I haven't become predictable – I love surprising our wonderful readers and keeping them engaged! I have heard of that movie but not seen it yet. The song is pretty cool – although _Jughead Chambers_ would make a great contender for it, it also seems like it could also be a villain song, which of course, is the specialty area of a certain hilarious FF Wrighter I happen to know… ?

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't worry; I know what you mean about the enemies featured throughout the "Castlevania" series. If a Belmont had to fight Jean, they would be throwing enough holy water at him to fill at least five oceans. Heck, if Alucard ran into Jean, he'd turn right around, transform into a bat, and fly out of there as fast as inhumanly possible. Though the person who'd I feel the most sorry for if he had to fight Armstrong would be Soma Cruz since it would be one of the worst lose-lose scenarios ever conceived. If Soma lost, he'd have to die a very slow, agonizing death related to horrible cooking and/or bath oils that reek worse than a landfill; but if he won, he'd have to endure the pain of having Jean's soul inside of him.

In terms of Tigre's character, you've described him to a tee. He's essentially the typical loan shark who lures you in with immediate monetary aid, only to strike you hard with ludicrous interest rates and in a sense makes you a slave to your debt. The only thing you forgot to include was how Tender Lender keeps its 'customers' in line, which mainly consists of Tigre outright threatening to beat the tar out of them and/or Viola make subtle comments about her love of raw meat and fire, along with her 'special' coffee.

 **JP:** T & T is my favourite game which I have now played twice I find you can do that with the Ace Attorney games for the most part and still enjoys them immensely and it's yet another reason I am totally geeking out about the anime now covering the third game – please let me know when you finally jump aboard the AA animation train/played the best game in the series again so you can experience that shuddering over Armstrong all over again! I really do get a kick out of your reactions to the jiggling creampuff more than any others', bud and now that I've had a chance to look up those other ghastly creatures you mentioned that student creepy out nearly as much as the wannabe Frenchman, all I can say is you are delightfully savage! Hee! Thanks for the kind words, along with the recap on the sucky sequel movie I will never see, and catch you next chapter! :-)

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** To me, Nahyuta tries so hard to be like Edgeworth was in the first game, but fails so hard at doing so. Sure, Edgeworth wasn't the most pleasurable person before "Turnabout Goodbyes", but at least he gave off the impression that he was only doing his job and had no personal vendetta. Heck, when Edgeworth's cold armor started to crack in "Turnabout Samurai", we saw that he's a nice guy who was dealing with enough mental baggage to fill three planes. Nahyuta, on the other hand, uses his hardship as an excuse to both verbally and physically abuse everyone who disagrees with him. I realize that it must have been tough for him to be blackmailed by someone who he couldn't possibly take down on his own, but that didn't give him the right to be so ruthless towards Trucy, tell everyone how putrid they were and that they were going to hell, and even rally the gallery to harass Athena, a woman that he knew had extremely sensitive hearing and therefore would be especially devastated by it. And even when Nahyuta decides to betray Ga'ran towards the end of "Turnabout Revolution", it feels so unfulfilling because it comes off as him merely trying to join the winning side.

Considering that the anime actually gave Manfred his own unique theme- something that the games have never done- I have a good feeling that they'll do Godot justice. Though for me, the part I'm most excited for is seeing how they'll handle Tigre. Since the anime likes to make the characters so theatric, then it's going to be a delight to see how they portray one of the loudest, over-the-top villains in the series.

Oh my gosh, now that you've brought it up, I can just picture Pearl challenging Phoenix to an Agni Kai after seeing him talking with Desire and giving him a scar like Zuko's. However, unlike Zuko's scar, which was a mark of shame, Phoenix's would essentially be Pearl branding him as Maya's property.

 **JP:** T & T has left Capcom some big shoes to fill for sure! That being said, SOJ is my 2nd fave game, third being JFA (yes the one most fans dislike but I refuse to let one balls deep ringmaster ruin the whole circus, er, game for me!).

Yeah Sad Monk's character was like a poor man's Miles minus the character development. Like CT said, (much like the Italians in both world wars), he just seemed to suddenly want to make an impromptu leap to the winning team, and there was no wicked queen around to witness/justify his arseaholic behavior towards Athena and Trucy. I loved when Polly said the only one going to be confirmed to hell was Melsa himself, for trying to condemn a young innocent girl!

Some fan theories are so deeply entrenched they may as well be canon...I can get behind the AA current cast being descent from the DGS cast not just Nick, no problem!

I am let down despite the anime being amazing that as of yet there is still no epic sax for the mystery masked man! Grrrr! Aside from Phoenix's objection that's my fave theme!

What are my great expectations for the anime?

Well thus far it's still Phaya heaven which I wasn't expecting, as they gave such wonderful extra layers to Maya and Pearl as the stolen urn victims, and the rift it causes with Nick and Maya...which proves how much he cares for her and how lost he is without her. Remember when he wistfully saw the sweets at the market and thought how much Maya woulda loved them if only she was there at his side/speaking to him, which only made her and Pearls' dramatic return to the courtroom behind the defense bench even more amazing!

But I digress. I expect to see:

-further proof that Miego was canon

-more talk of 'roids minus the Harlem Shake references

-Iris to be even more whingey than she is the game

-epic demon exorcism

-some sort of hand that they're going to animate _Apollo Justice_

Okay the last one was a pipedream perhaps but a girl's gotta have something to live for, Wright? XD

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** If anything happened to Amara, Rayfa would be allowed to inherit the throne the second she learns how to channel spirits. However, just like in the actual game, most actions of domestic and foreign politics would be handled by a trusted official of the state, such as Nahyuta, until Rayfa gains the necessary experience to handle those responsibilities on her own.

From what we've seen in the games, spirit channeling is done by the medium reaching out into the Spirit World and communicating with the spirit, bringing them back to the World of the Living and allowing them to temporally use their body as a vessel. So with that in mind, I believe that channeling an animal's spirit would be impossible due to their lack of sentience. That, and given the fact that the medium's body changes to reflect the appearance of the spirit that they're channeling, it would start to get creepy very fast; because frankly, if I see some Maya/animal hybrid in the next "Ace Attorney" game, I'll be throwing my 3DS or Switch across the room and making a mad dash for the nearest exit while screaming in terror.

 **JP:** In a fandom with almost 8K AA stories, I'd say the most guaranteed way to get your ideas to come to life is write them yourself – am I Wright? Animals are awesome for relatability, and just their effect on humanity, in general – I generally prefer them to people! I think one of the reasons _Peter Pan_ is one of my least fave flicks – the non-animal angle. I hope to get a pet myself in the New Year. It would be fun to see another animal on the witness stand in AA 7 – although your guess is as good as mine. If you're a fan of Simon and Taka, stay tuned! They make another memorable appearance really soon!


	48. Surgeon!

_CT: I have to admit, even by my standards, this is one of the darker parodies I've created for this fanfic. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if Grey attempted to do something similar if the weather girl he despised made the mistake of visiting his clinic. I mean, the way he was yelling and ranting about her in the beginning of "Turnabout Reunion" made it seem like she destroyed everything he held near and dear. Still, this parody was originally going to be much darker. Essentially, the initial version consisted of Sorin receiving a videotape from Pierce showcasing him singing the parody as he "operated" on Ellen, brutally killing her so that Sorin could feel the pain of seeing the woman he loved die on an operating table._

 _JP: With Halloween just around the corner, here's something creepy and sinister, entirely inspired by the dark recesses of my brilliantly twisted partner's mind! I mean, sure we all curse the weatherman at times but... welp...all that's missing is the epic line of a certain cannibalistic Venus Flytrap in the corner begging for the remains caterwauling: "Feed Me, Turner – er. Seymour! – Feed Me!" :p_

* * *

 _ **"Surgeon!"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Dentist!" from  
the smash musical,** _ **Little Shop of Horrors**_

[In an operating room in the Grey Surgical Clinic, an olive-skinned woman with her raven hair styled in a large bun, wearing a rather revealing navy blouse and a matching skirt that shows off a generous amount of leg, is laying on a surgical table with her arms and legs restrained by several leather straps.]

 _ **["You don't know how much I appreciate you guys being able to squeeze me in on short notice!"**_ _The woman sighs in relief, looking over at the nurse, Mimi Miney, who's filling out some paperwork on a clipboard._ _**"I noticed just this morning that I had a wrinkle on my face and was freaking out because I have to be on set in a few hours to give this week's forecast; but I can't go on camera looking like some old, worn leather glove."]**_

 _ **["Don't mention it, Ms. Daye. Dr. Grey always goes on and on about how he'd love to have the honor of treating local weather legend, Renee Daye, in his clinic. So the second he heard that you needed to schedule an appointment, he cleared his entire morning so he could focus all of his attention on giving you the treatment that you deserve,"**_ _Mimi warmly responds with a grin, hiding the slightest touch of contempt in her voice.]_

 _ **["Aw, he didn't go and do that**_ … _" Renee sighs in an obviously fake guilty tone._ _ **"I just need a little Botox and I'll be as good as new!"]**_

 _ **["Well, why don't you tell him that, because here he comes now?"**_ _Mimi states as she hears the loud, stomping footsteps of her boss.]_

 _[Suddenly, Turner Grey bursts into the room with a crazed look in his eyes and a maniacal, toothy smile on his face before closing the door behind him and proceeding to sing.]_

* * *

{Grey}

When I was a kid, I was often feared,

'Cause my hobbies were seen as gross and weird,

Like cutting open the family cat,

Dissecting the brain of many a rat,

And stitching together corpses that were bug-infested.

But that's when my mother suggested…

* * *

 _ **["W-What did she suggest?"**_ _Renee nervously asks with terror-filled eyes.]_

* * *

 _{Grey}_

She suggested, "My son, I really feel,

You can get paid a lot for your undying zeal."

You'll be a surgeon!

(Be a surgeon!)

You have an unrivaled passion for anatomy!

(Anatomy!)

Son, be a surgeon,

(Be a surgeon!)

People will praise you so happily!

You're too hotheaded for psychology,

And chiropracty is a farce not worth your time.

Son, be a surgeon,

You'll be truly sublime.

* * *

 **{Mimi}**

Here he is, lady, my psychopath boss,

Works me all day without a break, that asshole director.

He may be renowned, but you should stay clear of him,

For who wants to be operated on by Hannibal Lecter?

* * *

 _ **["Wait! Why is that nurse holding a buzz saw?!"**_ _Renee shrieks upon seeing the power tool that Mimi has just taken out of a cabinet filled with similar devices, wriggling on the table in a fruitless attempt to free herself from her restraints.]_

 _ **["Because she's too stupid to give it to me! Nurse! Saw! Now!"**_ _Turner yells, impatiently flexing his fingers.]_

 _ **["I don't get paid enough for this."**_ _Mimi exasperatedly grumbles under her breath as she hands the mad doctor his surgical tool.]_

 _ **["Good. Now get ready, Daye, because here I come!"**_ _Turner exclaims with a toothy grin and a deranged look in his eye as he turns on the buzz saw, slowly approaching his victim with a sinister laugh.]_

* * *

 _{Grey}_

I am your surgeon,

(A deranged one.)

And my livelihood will keep you nice and mute!

(Hates you.)

I am your surgeon,

(Who's a nutcase.)

And I'll avenge my nice $1,500 suit!

(He values it more than his staff.)

I'm giddy when a patient's on my table!

(Table.)

I don't care if people think I'm mentally unstable!

(It's true.)

And although my patients may be traumatized to a degree,

(Degree.)

Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven,

While she's complaining to God, my mother's smiling down on me!

* * *

 _ **["Right, Mother?"**_ _Turner asks, turning to a picture hanging on the wall of a woman with long brown hair with a raised fist who greatly resembles him before grabbing an anesthetic mask, putting it on Renee's face, and turning on the gas.]_

* * *

 _{Grey}_

'Cause I'm a surgeon and everyone likes me!

* * *

 _ **["Now sleep!"**_ _Turner angrily commands.]  
_

 _ **["No!"**_ _Renee screams, violently shaking her head.]  
_

 _ **["I said sleep!"]  
**_

 _ **["No…!"**_ _The weather girl repeats, this time weaker and with much less motion.]  
_

 _ **["I said SLEEP!"**_ _The mad doctor roars while holding up his clenched hand like some deranged claw.]_

 _ **["No…."**_ _Renee weakly mumbles, her eyes growing heavier and heavier until she's finally unconscious.]_

 _ **["Now let's begin the operation!"**_ _Turner proclaims with sadistic giddy and a grin to match.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 47**

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** Thanks!I'm very happy that you enjoyed your song request!  
You don't get any more Christmas than reindeer – I think that could be a fun cross-examination! It's all about being like Phoenix and thinking outside the box. As for the fop, he is princely levels of handsome (although lacks the regal air a prince would normally have – I usually picture the elegant Miles being a more gallant prince sort personally). As for Klavier being a prince – he's already a Rock God (or was) but in an AU – Check out YouTube with this search: " **Top 10 Disney Prince/Hero Songs"**

 **CT:** If Klavier was a Disney prince, I could easily picture him being like Flynn from "Tangled" since they're both snarky pretty boys with hearts of gold. Not to mention, both Klavier and Flynn are shipped with girls who have physically abused someone at least once.

As for the topic of animals being crossed-examined, I believe that it would be similar with how it's done in the series- pressing the creature until the defense team comes to a realization that turns the case around.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn!

Aside from Nick's gray area of Ethics in Apollo Justice, the main Ace Attorney cast is a pretty virtuous lot of good guys who might occasionally been the law but certainly don't break them so I really was drawing a blank for a subject when we were first proposed to do this song but luckily I have a great creative writing partner to bounce ideas off of!

If I could get past the fact that Ron looks and sounds like more of a woman than I will ever be, I would say he's my dream man! After all he will " _Do Anything For Love_!" (even if it means the po-po chase him down like a bat outta hell!) 😅

After all, he will literally do anything for love even risk his own life and freedom to keep me in the life of riches! Have you been checking out the anime? I really do like the Japanese voice actor they picked for him... I'm very excited to see who they pick as his VA in the English dub.

Always a pleasure, funny lady!

 **CT:** When it comes to the lengths Ron went to in order to keep his marriage alive, I think that he did them partly out of love, and partially out of fear that he'd never be able to attract another woman if he lost Desire. Could you imagine Ron in the dating scene? If he tried online dating, he'd get freaked out whenever someone catfished him, yelling something like "Your picture was a LIEEEEEE!" And things would be even worse for Ron if he tried to pick up girls at a club since he'd be lucky if they could even hear him over the loud, thumping music that they play at those places.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I wrote this before season 2 of the AA anime, and they captured the police hunt for Mask DeMasque perfectly showing a thief that was always one jump ahead of the heat, and literally leaping/flying off tall buildings into the sky, so it was more fitting than I realized! Thank you for the kind words, am so glad you're still reading! :)

 **CT:** I'm glad to hear that JP's parody was so vivid and engaging for you!

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** You are the queen of sequel/semi obscure (at least, to _me_!) requests! I have never seen _Fox & Hound 2_, but I listened to the song and it is adorable. Ima see what I can do. I am very excited about tackling the _Brother Bear_ tune (another film on my "to-watch" list) but that one may take awhile, as it's Phil Collins (again) and whose concert I just saw – EPIC! I want to do my fave singer justice!

Funny you mentioned Kay as a character for this song on thieves, she was a suggestion to me as well, but I always used Raven Ninja as my lead singer for "Thief Like Me" aka "Friend Like Me". And I love all the songs in _Aladdin_ – that, _The Little Mermaid_ , _The Lion King…_ all part of Disney's golden 90's Music Era! ( _Hercules_ included too!)

Always a pleasure to hear from you, milady, no apologies necessary! Obviously you've been busy writing your wonderful trademarked fluff! I love Miego! :)

 **CT** : Funny that you mention Kay, because when JP and I were brainstorming ideas for this parody, my two suggestions were for her and Ron. I guess great minds think alike.  
Don't worry about not commenting on the last parody. We're in no way upset with you since both JP and I know that things come up and commenting can slip your mind. Heck, there have been so many times where I'm unable to comment on stories that I really like until a month or so after they've been released or updated. The important thing is that you enjoyed the parody.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Familiarity breeds contempt, so guilty as charged, we are trying to incorporate as many characters as possible so people don't get bored with the same main cast considering the number of songs we've now done – when I initially approached my wonderful copilot about this project, at that it would be to may be a maximum of _2-4_ songs because I asked him for some help with the Pokémon theme song which was stuck in my head, ever since I Sahwit on _The Simpsons…_ I had no idea how many Disney/music lovers there were in the Ace Attorney fandom, but I guess nine months and _over 10K_ views later, this FF became an unexpected hit! :)

The Ace Attorney list of characters is extremely large especially if you include the Miles Investigation games, but the Ron DeLite and CT's Furio/Armstrong songs were specifically held off until we could line up with the season two anime, which holds possibly the most memorable characters in the entire series for me so I'm glad you agreed they deserve some spotlight and that you're still reading! _Merci_ _beaucoup!_

 **CT:** When you have access to such a colorful cast of side characters like those from the "Ace Attorney" series, it would be a real shame not to utilize them. After all, if it wasn't for the supporting characters, the main characters wouldn't be half of what they are. Heck, if it wasn't for Oldbag and Will Powers, we would have never seen Edgeworth's truly flustered side or his poorly hidden love of "The Steel Samurai". Plus, the supporting characters help to spice things up. If every song starred Phoenix, Maya, and Edgeworth, you guys would start to get a bit burnt out.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** There are not too many canon couples in Ace Attorney but I will definitely agree that Desiree and Ron definitely qualify as The Odd Couple it ain't the ultimate case of Beauty and the Geek as a mismatched duo in the sense a physical appearance since all of the other canon couples - the regal/dragon duo of Dhurke and Amara, the sexy AF Miego, the adorkable Magshoe (I insist that those two are canon! Watch the anime for more evidence) and even the double dorks Phaya (they're canon in MY little world!) are equally matched on a physical and dork level since the no longer a girl, just all woman Master has grown into such a beauty as a Spirit of Justice to match her DILF Beau's level of hotness!

Nevertheless, Ron, aka the pathetic squirt, was still her dork in shining armor since he rescued her from those muggers with his loudmouth!

When it comes to true love there's no accounting for taste Wright? I saw this online somewhere and it stands true: every case the theme of love or a couple is present. Like case 1 Phoenix and "Dollie", case 2 Ron and Dessie. Case 3 Gumshoe and Maggey (or Viola's love for Furio Tigre) Case 4 Mia's defendant and Dahlia again. And they all want to save/protect the person they love and believe in them. In case 5 that's Phoenix and Maya and it's just beautiful. Like there's no way that wasn't intended!

But I digress.

Of course, my pals are a bit cruder and insist that it's because Ron is "swinging some massive pipe" so in this case, mayhap tight pants which makes up for his lack of deep pants pockets to keep her happy...😈

 **CT:** Ron and Desire are a perfect example of the philosophy of opposites attracting. Sure, they may seem incompatible at first glance, but once you look deeper into their relationship, you'll see that they complement each other quite nicely.

For Desire, she makes it pretty clear that she's not concerned with how someone looks on the outside, but rather how they are on the inside- and to her, Ron is gold. He's a loyal, upstanding man who is always by her side and supports her at every step of the way while also acting as a bit of a voice of reason for her not to do something too reckless. I could just imagine Desire talking herself out of doing especially reckless stunts on her motorcycle after imagining Ron as a lonely widower, sitting in their apartment while children and elderly people steal everything despite his meek objections. Heck, Ron literally became her cowering night in polyester armor when he overcame his fears and risked his life to save her, a complete stranger, from those robbers with his version of the Chords of Steel. So while Ron's no rich supermodel, he's a man who's willing to do whatever's necessary to protect the woman that he loves.

As for Ron, in a world where people are always pitying him- heck, even Gumshoe, the guy who lives in a rundown apartment with no electricity or heat and survives on no-name instant noodles and weenies, feels bed for him- Desire actually makes him feel like he's a winner with all the love and praise she showers him with. That's why Ron was so determined to continue financing his wife's spending sprees and how Atmey was able to so easily blackmail him. He was afraid that the second he couldn't provide for Desire monetary needs, she'd see him like how everyone else does and leave him.

 **Muhammad S**

 **JP:** Here's my list of Prosecuties in order of love:

1\. Miles Edgeworth _(everyone loves The Edgeworth. I am no exception –to date still the best character development in this series and possibly any video game series ever!)_

2\. Godot _(No explanation required - but if you insist I suppose I'm a sucker for tragic antiheroes which is why Deadpool is my favorite superhero. Plus I'm a sucker for sexy Latinos and I have a head canon that his suave voice is probably ear porn!)_

3\. Zacharias Barnham _(to me the third hottest guy in the series after Nick and Miles I suppose the fop would be number four because I'm not really into blonds anymore but moreover he was every bit the gallant and gentlemanly night and did his best to be fair, plus… that voice! *swoon!* As you may have determined him sort of an auditory stimulated person!)  
_  
4\. Barok van Zieks _(he_ _ **owns**_ _that leg slam! Plus, even though the mystery behind the whole Grim Reaper thing has been solved, he had such an intriguing and fascinating backstory that I even forgive his earlier racism against poor Ryu – and to me, he is the second best-developed character in the series after Miles!)_

5\. Kazuma Asōgi _(in my mind he is the ascendant of Miles Edgeworth, I love his bromantic friendship with Nick's great-grandfather but in my heart, he's still a defense attorney otherwise I would've ranked him higher, he's an incredible character overall)_

6\. Franziska von Karma _(I enjoyed her character development in the Miles Edgeworth games but up until the third game, even though I ship her like cargo with Edgy, I really couldn't stand her!– I'm not going to say that I_ _ **cheered**_ _when she got shot but I didn't shed any tears! How dare she abuse my husbando?!)_

7\. Simon Blackquill _(I love the fact that he has the honour of the samurai and probably has the best body out of all the males what with being a samurai in all that time working out in prison, but I'm really not into the whole brooding/avian thing, although despite case for in spirit of Justice being largely disliked by fans, I will concede that he is hilarious in his banter with Sad Monk was awesome!)_

8\. Klavier Gavin _(way too nice to really be a prosecutor since he basically handed Apollo too many lifelines in AJ. I mostly like him because I ship him with Ema the same way I mostly like Franny with Edgeworth but mostly neutral about her on her own. Also I still haven't gotten over his part in Nick's disbarring even if he is eye-candy!)_

9\. Nahyuta Sahdmadhi _(I don't think explanation needed for this putrid turd fondler. I absolutely loathe him for all the reasons me and my partner have listed in the past, but in half-assed manner of letting it go moving on, I refuse to give him any more writing space. In short, if someone doesn't like him, chances are I probably don't either for the exact same reasons)_

No word on the English dubs, sadly, I do remember last time it was over a year after the anime had come up Japanese before they did so! As far as I'm concerned the anime has made Phoenix and Maya unofficial canon since it's so obvious the animators are shippers, I will be happy enough to see the interactions between Diego and Mia… I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for Dahlia's grand entrance and even more so her epic exit!

With regards to Ace Attorney 7, the only news I have about that game is that it still will feature Phoenix Wright as the main protagonist, which is fine by me! I didn't mind the fact that he had to share the spotlight with Apollo in the 6th game as long as he still a regular schedule character and a playable one! I would expect that he will have an epic courtroom battle with Edgeworth probably saved for last, and that Apollo is either still in West Asia or has come back I don't really have a preference of either I would prefer it if they had to split timelines/locations at the Justice Law offices and Phoenix and Athena kicking butt in Japalifornia! I would also expect Big Red to have better character development since they regressed for so badly in SOJ! Now that Polly is gone she really needs to take the reins and put on the big girl magic panties! On a lighter note I really do hope to see more interaction with her and Maya as I also have a head canon that she is a Phaya shipper just like Pearl (remember that knowing/coy look she gave Phoenix when asking about Miss Maya underneath the Sakura trees in the SOJ promo video?) And one of my favourite parts of Spirit of Justice was then approaching Phoenix and Apollo, jus like frantic girlfriends, after their victory in the last case, and feeding off each other's energies because they are both such vibrant characters! :-)

I did notice that they downplayed Pearl being a slapping machine in the anime and instead just made her more adorable so slapping Nick for being too friendly with Ron's wife is probably not going to happen! Seeing as how Ron and Desiree are one of the few canon couples in the series, I do enjoy seeing them in the anime (beauty and the geek much?!) and I was happy got a chance to use this sorely underutilized character and that you enjoyed my portrayal of him! Thank you! :-)

Cheers,

JP

 **CT:** When it comes to the series' prosecutors, Edgeworth is at the top of my list, followed by Sebastian, then Simon, and then Klavier. As for Franziska, Godot, and the DGS prosecutors, they are right below Klavier in one big cluster in that I like them all, but the order in which I do varies based on how I'm feeling on a given day and what games in the series I've been focusing on. But then after a major drop, we have Nahyuta manning the bottom of the list for the reasons I've stated in my last reply. And as for the Payne brothers, they're not even really on the list because even the characters in the games barely acknowledge their existence. Heck, Edgeworth thinks that Winston is the Prosecutor's Office's janitor.

For the seventh game, I'm kind of hoping for it to be Athena's turn in the spotlight since she has had two cases over the course of two games, one of which was her debut title. Heck, if it wasn't for her attorney's badge, I would have forgotten that Athena is just as qualified as Phoenix and Apollo when it comes to practicing law since she has assisted in twice the cases that she actually worked. With that in mind, I would like to Trucy get more time in the sun since she hasn't fully assisted an entire case since "Turnabout Succession". Could you imagine how adorable it would be if the DLC case had Trucy assisting Phoenix? I could just picture all the snide remarks Edgeworth would have up his sleeve regarding how a real lawyer doesn't let their children defend their cases and how it isn't Take-Your-Daughter-to-Work Day. Though speaking of assistants, I would love to see Simon help with at least one of Athena's cases- especially if the rival prosecutor is Sebastian. I could just picture Simon giving Athena another one of his terrifying pep talks, telling her of how she can't lose the likes of Sebastian.

Given how the plots of "Investigation" games blend the investigation and questioning aspects of the series better than the main games do, I believe that it would actually be easier for them to create an anime based on those games. However, considering how polarized people can be when it comes to the first game and how the second game wasn't even released outside of Japan, as well as the fact that the anime didn't even allude to Blaise's existence when Manfred's crime was exposed, even though they have the character fully established in terms of appearance and personality, I think that the "Investigations" series will be getting the Gant treatment as far as the anime's concerned. Though speaking of the anime, I don't know when the dub's going to be released.


	49. Now Let's Do This!

_JP: New month, new theme! As we welcome November Rain (the theme song of the month – albeit the song is preferable to the weather the penultimate month brings my region – I get nasty headaches from it; does anyone else out there share my plight?) we are also changing up this dreary month by making this_ _ **everything but Disney**_ _songs! Prepare for TV/Movie Themes and Musicals aplenty!_

 _We kick things off, hot on the heels of the harrowing homicidal Dr. Grey song, to a lighter, fluffier piece that I am sorta known for! :)_

 _This one is for one of the funniest lades in our fandom, who's also one of my fave readers, Lyn, aka_ _ **PeoplepersonsofDooM.**_ _I love this requested musical, so I had a blast using this parody to show my head canon of Ace Phaya Shipper, Pearl, now trying to recruit Trucy into her not-so-secret Project Cupid!_

 _This is set with Phaya's canon, friendship (with evil Crapcom ship-tease in place), circa AJ when Nick got disbarred. The poor little magician is nervous about rocking the boat with her New Daddy, hence has trust/abandonment issues since Zak dropped her like a hot potato. Plus, she's nervous about this plan of the little shipping schemer's, as she and Pearl have only_ _ **just**_ _met!_

 _CT: As we have seen throughout "Justice for All" and "Trials and Tribulations", Pearl has gained superhuman capabilities thanks to her devotion to shipping Phoenix and Maya together. So with that in mind, if Phoenix saw Pearl and Trucy actually working together, I think that he'd propose to Maya in a heartbeat- partially because of his feelings for her, but mostly because he'd run the risk of Pearl beating him to within an inch of his life and Trucy making him literally disappear in the void that is her magic panties if he didn't._

* * *

" _ **Now Let's Do This!"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
** **"We Can Do It"  
** **From the 2005 musical  
** _ **The Producers**_

"It's so nice of you and Miss Maya to come by and visit Daddy so often since he lost his badge, Pearl," Trucy remarked as she led the 9-year-old spirit medium up the stairs to her room, leaving Phoenix and Maya murmuring between themselves on the couch in the Wright Talent Agency offices, below.

The little magician's voice dropped into a confidential whisper as the two girls got to the top of the staircase, then lingered. The two chums peered over the railing at the spirit medium and recently disbarred ex-attorney, who were sitting knee-to-knee together on the couch while the raven-haired beauty murmured something inaudible into Phoenix's ear.

"Daddy sure could really use the extra company! He's been so down ever since, and it's really hard to cheer him up when he goes into one of his blue spells…."

Suddenly, the spiky-haired man let out a loud burst of laughter. Maya had snatched the aqua beanie off his head and proceeded to play an impromptu game of "keep away" with it, forcing him to laughingly begin chasing her around the office.

"Give that back, Maya! I didn't comb my hair today!"

"You'll get this hat back when you shave, then agree to let _me_ take you out for a _burger_ for a change _,_ Old Man!" Maya teased as she effortlessly ducked and dodged his futile lunges for his beanie. "No objecting! I _owe_ you! But there's no way I'm going out with you in public with you looking like such a disheveled - _hobo_!"

Trucy blinked in astonishment at hearing the alien sound of her father's continued chuckling as the two adults continued their child's play below, apparently having forgotten that their daughters were only one floor above.

"OK, never mind!" She smiled happily, quickly recovering from her surprise. "It looks like a visit from Miss Maya was just what Daddy needed to get out of that funk!"

"Of _course_ it was!" Pearl was beaming from ear to ear as her familiar, starry-eyed expression flickered across her face. "It makes perfect sense that Mystic Maya is the only one that can make Mr. Nick happy again! They _are_ Special Someone's, you know!"

"They _are_? I didn't know that!"

The flummoxed Trucy peeked over the railing again, noting that Phoenix had now tackled the giggling Maya onto the couch. However, the beanie remained stubbornly in her hand, so he was now resorting to tickling her mercilessly in order to get her to relinquish her grip.

"I've got you now, Miss Hat Thief! Say _Uncle_!"

" _Never_!"

Trucy shook her head in wonder.

"All Daddy said to me was that she used to _be his assistant_ and they were simply _friends_!"

" _Best_ friends! And well… _technically…_ they're _Special Someone's… in denial,"_ Pearl admitted as she bit her thumb. "It's been so obvious to me for some time that they love each other… They just won't admit it _out loud_!"

"That's too bad. They _do_ seem pretty happy together," Trucy mused. "Plus, Miss Maya is super pretty – and so nice to both of Daddy _and_ me! She would be the perfect New Mommy if she married him!"

An unexpected gleam suddenly sparked in Pearl's doe eyes.

"Do you _really_ think so, too, Trucy?" She asked eagerly. "That Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick are _perfect together in every way_ and that they _belong_ together?"

"Well, I don't know if I could go that far – _yet_. After all, I've only known Daddy just a few months," Trucy began slowly, a wary expression coming over her face as a conspiratorial grin flickered across her friend's innocent features. "And to be fair, I _have_ only met you and Miss Maya just a handful of times…"

Pearl scowled at this, and the amiable illusionist hastily attempted to backpedal.

"I mean, it's obvious that Daddy cares a lot for _both_ of you!" Trucy amended quickly. "And he _definitely_ seems to be his most cheerful when you guys are around! I love him a whole bunch, and I'd want him to be that way all the time, so sure, it'd be great if those two got together! But if they're both too chicken to admit how they really feel, unfortunately, there's nothing _we_ can do about it…"

"That's where you're 100% _wrong_!"

Pearl grabbed the top-hatted girl by the hand and dragged her down the hall to Trucy's bedroom. Shutting the door behind them, she turned towards Phoenix's daughter and rubbed her hands together deviously.

"Now that I know I have a partner in crime to assist me in this operation, getting those two together will _easy breezy lemon squeezy_!"

" _Partner in crime_?" Trucy gaped at her new friend. "Pearl, what in _Houdini's name_ are you talking about?!"

"Sit back and listen to my grand master plan of the great _Ace Matchmakers: Operation Get Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya Together!"_

The precocious spirit medium stretched out her arms and began giddily twirling around the room.

* * *

 _ **[PEARL, spoken]**_

Don't you see, Truce, darling Truce?

Glorious Truce, it's so simple!

Rule One! We convince them that they're both smitten

Rule Two! We commit to this and don't back down

Rule Three! We're the two Ace Matchmaker Daughters!

* * *

 **[TRUCY, spoken]**

Two?

* * *

 _ **[PEARL, spoken]**_

Yup! One is _me_ , one is _you_! _We're_ gonna work those two as a _pair_!

Rule Four! We only retire once Mystic Maya is Mr. Nick's fiancée!

And before I can say Rule five, it'll come the day they're wed and we _3_ girls become his loving _trio_!

* * *

 **[TRUCY, spoken]**

 _Trio_?! This is all berserk!

* * *

 _ **[PEARL, spoken]**_

Not if you pull your weight!

* * *

 _ **[PEARL sings]**_

This quest you'll embark, cuz it's a New Mommy that you seek!

This won't take much scheming, or create havoc to be wreaked!

I've watched them for years! The attraction is already there!

There's no need to be scared!

* * *

 **[TRUCY, spoken hesitantly]**

Well…then…OK…

* * *

 _ **[PEARL]**_

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

Now let's do this, me and you

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

We'll play Cupid for those two

The New Mommy that you've wanted and for me a brand new Dad!

Dutiful girl – you just leave this to Pearls!

Stop obsessing and distressing Truce, there's joy to be had!

* * *

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

Trust me this is gonna work!

Now let's do this

Don't be remiss

If you did, you'd be a jerk!

* * *

Hi New Family!

Yes, New Family!

Now let's do this

Just trust me, forget your quirks!

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

And this ain't no time to shirk!

Are you in, Truce?

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

So, am I in? _Finally_ a chance to have a new family?

So, am I in? _Finally_ a chance to have a new Mommy and sister?

So am I in?

So am I in?

Here's my answer, as it were!

* * *

 **[TRUCY]  
** _*shakes her head*_ **  
**

Let's not do this

Let's not do this

Let's not do this! Too risky!

Zak's a gambler

So I'm leery

What if things blow up on me?!

Other Dad's made me a chicken

If we fail we can't backtrack!

Can't be dutiful girl and just count on you, Pearls

It's hard for me to be trusting so cut me some slack!

* * *

 _ **[PEARL]**_ _  
*snarls and rolls up her sleeve*  
_

Why you distrustful, gloomy-Gus, cowardly buzz-killer!

Do you wanna let this gold chance pass us by?!

Don't you want everyone happy? See a fairytale end to this story?

* * *

 _ **[PEARL]**_

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

All you need is to _exhale_!

Now let's do this

Now let's do this

We'll succeed if we prevail!

Come on _Trucy_! Can't you see...?

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

OK, Pearly! OK!

Prove me wrong! I'll play along!

I'll trust you! Hope this ship won't sink

But take a look, I'm slightly shook

I'll pray for luck that we won't fall flat!

 _*groans*_

I say:

Let's _not_ do this!

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

You see trio, I see _fail_!

* * *

 _ **[PEARL]**_

Now let's do this

Now let's do this.

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

Let's not do this

Let's not, let's not, let's not, let's not do this

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

Cuz disaster will prevail!

* * *

 _ **[PEARL]  
**_ _*claps her hands against her cheeks*_

Now let's do this

It'll be a fairytale!

* * *

 **[TRUCY]**

 _*facepalms*_

We're gonna fail!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 46**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Ironically enough, even though "Recipe for Turnabout" is the typical 'break case' that has little to no involvement in the main plot, it featured one of the most cunning villains in the series. Sure, Tigre may seem like the typical short-tempered muscle head whose reasoning is about on par with his mastery of language, but he puts on that persona in order to intimidate his foes and tilt the situation in his favor- a tactic that has worked to great effect, if his interactions with the Judge are of any indication. But in all actuality, Tigre is eerily strategic. For one thing, unlike the other villains who have planned out their murders in advance, such as Manfred, Tigre committed his crime in an area that he had complete control over so that it could be done with no potential witnesses that weren't the defendant or someone he was blackmailing. This, in turn, allowed for Tigre to replicate the crime in such a way that he'd both establish a witness and a rock-solid alibi for himself, thereby clearing himself of any possible suspicion.

But perhaps the best part of Tigre's plan- albeit extremely ridiculous- was how he researched and impersonated Phoenix. Tigre may be a proud man, but he's no fool. He knew that things don't end well for criminals who underestimate Phoenix Wright. That's why he impersonated Phoenix so that he could keep the Comeback King out of the picture while also ensuring a quick guilty verdict. Also, notice how Tigre is one of the only villains in the series who knows Phoenix's main strategy when it comes to cross-examinations- going so far as to outright state what it is- and actually tried to hinder his progress by limiting the number of statements that could be pressed.

So while Tigre may not be as infamous as the likes of Dahlia, Kristoph, or Blaise, he's a formidable foe in his own right. Heck, if it wasn't for the fake-out Phoenix did by stating that the container of ear medicine actually contained the potassium cyanide, thus tricking Tigre into practically admitting his involvement in the crime, he wouldn't have been caught.

If by haute cuisine, you mean one of those fancy-schmancy overpriced places, then yes, I have had such an experience. It was summertime and I was going out to a concert with a few friends. However, traffic wasn't as bad as we thought, so we decided to go to a nearby restaurant and get dinner while we kill time- kill two birds with one stone, y'know? So we decide on this place that everyone raves has the best food on the grounds that it's 'fancy'. Of course, being the man of simple and sensitive tastes that I am, I order a hamburger- something simple that can't be messed up unless the cook is outright trying to do so. But lo and behold, they actually manage to screw it up; for not only did they sear the patty, making the burger crunchy and taste like a piece of charcoal, but they also roasted the bun until it was rock-hard. And as for toppings, they didn't give me lettuce, onions, pickles, or anything else that you'd typically find on a burger. Oh no, that would actually make it edible. Instead, all they gave me was one of those ball-shaped tomatoes that's the size of a stress ball and deflates like an old balloon when you try to cut or bite into it. I swear, it was like the antichrist of burgers! If Maya had seen it, she would have probably been reduced to tears.

 **JP:** People generally complained that the third case of every Ace Attorney game sucks, but I don't necessarily agree. I did enjoy seeing Señor Java tame the wannabe beast that was Tiger man, (who was really no better than the cowardly lion from Wizard of Oz underneath that burnished carrot exterior) in Trials & Tribulations, just like I enjoyed case three in Spirit of Justice, yes it had a slow start but was Phaya heaven!

Now, onto the subject of being shipping trash…

Your sister is still awesome in spite of flipping a coin between Kayworth and Fredgeworth, cuz here's the thing - I'm pretty chill about most ships (except, for example, incest ones like Gavin brothers and Hawthorne twins) so I'm not _against_ the idea of Kay Faraday and Miles... In fact, even though I'm not big on multi-shipping, (but I can also picture some _loco_ , earth quaking, ground-shaking _mambo de colchón_ with Lang and Franziska!) I've also seen him Miles paired with Rhoda Teneiro and Justine Courtney, both of which I could at least see enjoying some _muy caliente bailando en las sábanas_ **.** Therefore **, since** Kay Faraday is no longer 17 in the Ace Attorney timeline, and she did bring out Edgeworth's elusive softer side in the Miles games, it's all good. Also, she loves Phaya as her OTP, so naturally I'd think she's Ace! :p

Living in Canada, the nation being the cultural blended salad that it is, we love blending food some that are similar but separate like East and West Indian food, Pakistani and Indian food, Middle Eastern and Indian some a bit more seemingly eclectic called Hakka – which is Chinese and Indian food… Come to think of it may be were not as big on exotic fusion as we think and may blue just like blending Indian food? :p

Anywhore… where was I again? Oh right I was answering your question about _comida de mierda!_

In one of the most bizarre cases I've ever heard of when I was traveling out East many years ago, was this posh fusion restaurant whose claim to fame was that they were the only **_Italian/Jewish/Chinese_** restaurant in the world.

I shall let you soak that in for a moment.

Imagine the worst possible ingredients, preparation, service, and presentation that you can, then multiply them by three ethnicities, then multiply it again by three cuisines.

Imagine over-cooked **penne with gefilte fish and Chinese duck sauce**.

Or **General Tso's Grandma's Chicken Soup Cacciatore**.

Or a bagel with a shmear - of **marinara and wontons**.

Since we actually have the Atlantic Ocean in the backyard of the East Coast, I decided to play it safe and have grilled salmon. After all, seafood is there area of expertise – it's the New England of Canada – so how could they screw up that dish?

Well, they did, and royally. Apparently it wasn't grilled, more like dipped in the deep fryer until it was a piece of plastic. Totally inedible. I could have used it to play Frisbee with my dog at the beach.

Ya know, if I've _had_ a dog and if I didn't live in a country were eight months of the year it was too cold to actually go to the beach, which it was at the time of my trip, but that's neither here nor there!

I heard the restaurant is no longer around. As Armstrong would say: _"Quelle surprise!"_

 _Siempre, el gusto es mio, amigo._

 **Chapter 47**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Do you think you can handle the heat of a whole coffee pool would you at least need a few drops of lukewarm water or cream to make it manageable so you don't boil to death?😆

I think nobody was really expecting the mild-mannered little mouse man to end up being a nefarious criminal but let me find out he was being blackmailed and his motives for purely out of love (due to his lovely wife loving to spend money the way Kanye loves Kanye) and the soft be part of me just couldn't help but say... _awww_!

I think that was the first and only time they've been able to play The Double Jeopardy card in the Ace Attorney and it was really intense I wish they could do it again!

Also, I hope you enjoyed your cameo in that song... And that you were happy to be wrong about suspecting poor Ron of murder!

 **CT:** Out of all the cases I've played in the "Ace Attorney" series, "Stolen Turnabout" will always be one of my favorites due to all its twists and turns, engaging villain, and catchy songs.

 **Chapter 48**

 **Joeclone**

CT:

To be fair, the game gave me a lot to work with since half of his sprites look like those of a murderer on the verge of snapping. Seriously, Grey's left hand looks possessed in his angry sprite, and don't get me started on the creepy look in his eyes in his confident sprite.

 **JP:** Since there was no human garburator of a plant to dispose of the body add to the creepy factor about what they did afterward with the remains of the weather girl, indeed, it makes me wonder what other Horrors for Mimi witnessed in his _Little Shop of Horrors_!

 **yankeegal13**

 **CT:** When it comes to "Little Shop of Horrors", it's one of those films that's creepy, yet has a surprising amount of charm to it. Heck, they made a horribly cheesy cartoon show about it in the 90s, so you know it did at least something right.

Regarding Christmas parodies, I'm in the process of working on one that has been on my mind for some time.

 **JP:** Glad you liked Halloween homage song – there are more spooky themed songs coming up! And thanks for the idea about writing a Christmas themed song for the holidays! Ima see what we can do!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Even though my stories tend to be a little on the dark side, I'm not a big fan of the horror genre either. Since I have a very active imagination, I can't help but get paranoid after watching a horror movie, especially at night.

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering from a cold. Hopefully, you know not to accept cough medicine from a red-haired girl who has butterflies fluttering around her.

 **JP:** Hmmmm… people usually liken (and sometimes ship!) Dahlia and Kristoph as a poisonous pair, but with the common denominator of the Butterfly Effect, how about the crack pairing of Prosecutor Flutter and the demoness? Hail Nahlia? :p  
I share your sentiments about the flick, milady. I saw the movie, and although I enjoy dark comedy most of the time - _Heathers_ to me was one of the funniest movies ever! – The creepy, talking plant emerging victorious and overcoming mankind was too messed up, even for me! I prefer to think things ended in a less gory manner in the happier, alternative ending where man triumphs!

It's a pleasure to fulfill the request of a fellow Philly lover, just gonna have to add it to the loooong queue! :p

I am better now, and I hope you get well soon – I have been chugging back the OJ, and am a staunch believer in oregano oil, Vicks, and Netti Pots - gross as they are! – to help alleviate the cold symptoms!

Take care, love!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Considering that Dahlia refers to her mother as "that bitter, vengeful woman" and states that she was at first planning to kill her in addition to Maya, I think it's safe to say that Morgan's evil surpasses that of her demon spawn's. Though as for Ga'ran, the only difference between her and Morgan is that unlike her distant cousin, her initial plan actually succeeded.

When it comes to Grey, he got what he deserves. Sure, Mimi put a dent in Grey's reputation with that incident, but it's not like he was making any effort to make himself look like a saint. If you start a conversation yelling about how the weather girl will pay for ruining your suit, then people are naturally going to write you off as a jerk. Though what makes things even worse is the fact that Grey shows no remorse whatsoever in the fact that his employee died in a car crash due to him working her into the ground. Heck, based on what we've seen, I wouldn't be surprised if Grey really did drug Mimi.

 **JP:** Kanye West's mom died getting plastic surgery, so I've decided that even when I'm an Oldbag someday, I'll just opt for aging with dignity – or getting some really good eye cream! Vanity is not in my nature if my livelihood is even marginally at stake! And Turner Grey definitely falls into the "He Had It Coming!" category. _Chicago_ had its dark moments as well, but _Little Shop of Horrors_ was too twisted for me, too. Not gonna be seeing that one again – essentially a vore flick about an evil man-eating plant! As always, thanks for dropping a line, bud!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** From what I understand, one of the main issues people have with SoJ is Nahyuta, for the reasons that I've gone into extensive detail over on several other occasions. If we were given literally any other prosecutor, the game would have been much better. Heck, one reason why "Turnabout Storyteller" is one of my favorite 'break' cases is because we have Simon using his trademark dry humor and sass to put Nahyuta in his place.

Though in my opinion, the other big issue that SoJ had was the Divination Séance. Sure, it was a cool concept, but the solutions to those sections felt vague at best and cryptic at worst. In the first case, it was pretty reasonable since there wasn't really all that much going on, but after that, I started to dread the sight of that pool- especially in "Rite of Turnabout". God help me, those lanterns were the bane of my existence.

 **JP:** I listened to the song you mentioned and considering it starts off talking about a weather girl on her perfect curl, I can definitely see why you could see the parallel with the not-so-good Dr. Frankenstein. Perhaps if he had just taken a bloody vacation he wouldn't have felt a psychotic need to overwork his nurse to the point of manslaughter! Buddy needed a hobby! Or to just _get a_ _life_! Yes, I realize that sounded twisted all things considered, but Grey joins the long list of no tears shed for certain Ace Attorney victims!

Also checked out that unknown until you mentioned it the artist. New headcanon: Phoenix and Maya's wedding song will be: _Cheeseburger In Paradise_ by Jimmy Buffet! XD

Spirit of Justice? I absolutely loved it I didn't enjoy the regression of Athena's character in case 4 but while I do agree that Khura'in Galadriel wasn't an irredeemable douche canoe, (I don't care that I ship him with Simon I still hate him!) It certainly didn't ruin the game for me! In fact, it's now my second favorite game bumping Justice For All to number 3.

I refuse to let one bad character or one lousy case ruin a whole game for me perhaps that's because I'm such a die-hard fan. As for Phoenix, even if he does take more of a backseat role in the next game - although I read he's going to be starring in it but starring could be a subjective term he might just be securing the spotlight with one of his protégés again - there is still a lot of great potential for fact Ace Attorney 7 was supposed to be Phoenix taking on a Mafia Boss that was actually supposed to be guilty! I thought that sounded incredible and I hope they still use that for the next game because they only touched upon it with Fox boy's family but then they went well in the end in Apollo Justice...I just want him happy and running an agency even if he's not front-and-center just because I love him madly - the way a frat kid loves Drake.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Considering how hotheaded Grey got over the weather, I don't think that it's much of a stretch to say that he wasn't that merciful of a boss. I could just picture Mimi requesting five minutes for her lunch break, only for Grey to yell about how if he can't have breaks, then nobody can.

If Grey was an investigation partner for a whole case, Phoenix would have probably been praying that they don't encounter a ladder/stepladder or that the bad doctor shares his views on the subject. Though knowing Phoenix's luck, Grey would be on Team Ladder, angrily yelling that only an idiot would be so invested on such a trivial detail and that in order to be as successful as him, one has to look at the big picture. Though while on the subject of investigative partners, I wouldn't wish Hotti on even my worst enemies. Actually, on second thought, I wouldn't mind him hanging around a certain ultimate traditional dancer from another series or her photographer friend, but I digress… If Capcom ever decides to do another joke DLC case, they should do one similar to those from the "Investigations" series, only instead of Edgeworth and Gumshoe and/or Kay, it's Franziska and Hotti.

 **JP:** Hiya Funny Girl! I'm glad we made you laugh and then shudder! Team roller coaster – that's us! It keeps our readers on their toes and hopefully helps occasionally ease the woes! Hey look at me I'm a poet and I didn't know it! 😆

Your question about could Mimi have just said no maybe think about the entire Ace Attorney world. Truly it's a world is filled with characters and just can't say no... Does that make them whores in the face of crime? Or just Crime Hoors? (Also, if you're card sharks like Nick and Trucy were in AJ – would the charge be Aiding and A _Bettin'_?) Starting with April May, you then get to playing Spirit of Justice and you realize that Amara just couldn't say no to her sister and would rather let her children suffer... and she's supposed to be Her Mercifulness?! And then you have Apollo and Trucy's Mother who can't get over her cowardice and reveal herself ... even though her children have gone through hell and could have used a mother! And then, of course, we have Iris the other doormat... Who helped her diabolical twin desecrate a body...?

But I digress.

I've never been into too much of the horror scene unless it's hilarious horror like the Leprechaun or Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street franchise. With the creepy music and mask Michael Myers (the psycho, not the Canadian!) Scares the bejesus out of me, and I tend to steer clear of those and anything demon-related like Paranormal...I already have insomnia and I won't sleep for a week after movies like that! This movie didn't scare me in the traditional sense but really creeped me out as well, more so near the ending though. Before that was just a black comedy about deserving people being thrown to the wolves, or in this case the plant, like Steve Martin's horribly hilarious character the dentist!

The idea of being in a locked room with a pink haired pervert or having to endure him in any capacity at all even as an investigator partner is definitely the stuff nightmares are made out of! Gah! I'd rather give Sal Manella a bikini wax!

Okay, wait now I've gone and done it to myself! Oh well... Slumber is overrated anyway! Roses are blue, violets are red who needs shut-eye? I'll sleep when I'm dead!

 **Muhammad S**

 **CT:** If Athena gets her time to shine in the seventh game, then it would be a crime if they didn't include more psychological cases. Though speaking of speculations for the seventh game, it would be a given that Sebastian would be a DLC prosecutor since they wouldn't have to spend so much time on exposition regarding his character. Not to mention, since it's a DLC case, Sebastian being his slightly naïve self would actually be enjoyable. Sure, Sebastian probably grew as a person since Edgeworth took him under his wing, but I can imagine him maintaining at least some of his pure, childlike mentality.

Considering Athena's ability to hear people's hearts and understand how exactly they're feeling, I think it's safe to say that she knows who loves who without a doubt. Perhaps one reason why she tries to keep things platonic with Apollo is that she knows about Juniper's feelings for him- heck, Juniper's feelings for Apollo are as subtle as a mac truck crashing through an air horn factor to everyone except him- and doesn't want to hurt her friend. Heck, if Juniper goes into a coughing fit whenever she's stressed, seeing her best friend start dating the guy she likes could potentially kill her.

Oh my gosh, that kid must have been a sight to see. I could just picture him yelling at his teachers if they gave him homework over the weekend while his left hand thrashed about as if it had a mind of its own.

 **JP:** I hear you about that leg slam! (I think I read somewhere that was supposed to be originally intended for Godot – glad they made him be a java man instead and spew coffee metaphors – it would have been too over the top for his cool man persona methinks!) In the last episode of the anime, Maya somehow fell arse over tit and one of her legs ended up in the air behind the desk, and all I could think was: " _look at the leg!_ _She's channeling her inner Zieks!"_ (Also am bouncing off the walls waiting for Godot – er, the Miego arc in the anime, too!)

I see so few quality FF's about Franny that doesn't just simply portray her as angry or just a dom partner for Adrian – she's such a complex character, albeit hard to write, thus, but I love your idea and look forward to seeing what you come up with for the woman Godot called Lady von Whippingberg! :)

I am fine with them splitting the story to show Apollo in Asia and the WAA kicking arse in Japalifornia – Trucy as Nick's co-counsel could be awesome! Also, want to see Big Red get some character development and moreover, some lawyer growth as a character, especially as how she'll probably be 20 by next game and no longer a wide-eyed teen! Of course, a lot of that is my inner feminist talking! I mean, Susato overcame a lot of obstacles in the sexist, oppressive and racist Victorian times and managed to be a kickass lawyer in the DGS games and _Debeste_ love interest, I mean, legal assistant _ever_ , so my hopes for Athena are high! The possibilities are great for her to use her mad skills!

I like Bassy more than Lamiroir – I'd love to see him and Badd make a cameo in the AA world – although Gummy and Franny top my return wish list! About Mommy Dearest… I am largely indifferent if they bring her back or not. Not a huge fan of negligent mommies who stand back and let their kids suffer because of their cowardice * _cough_ * Amara! * _cough_!*

As for your mini-Grey look-alike – let's hope his life took a less dark path! :p


	50. The Phantom

_CT: This parody is essentially one big spoiler for "Dual Destinies". If you haven't played the game and don't want the biggest plot twist to be revealed to you, then turn back now. With that said, I'd like to thank_ _ **DJJ680**_ _for suggesting the idea which made me immediately think of the emotionless, less-sympathetic "Ace Attorney" version of Don Paolo._

 _JP: Admittedly, I had to look this one up as I don't know the fandom, but as always, my talented partner has done great justice in this song starring everyone's favorite unfeeling master of disguise! This one goes out to one of our fave readers, who's always got something swell to say with his reviews that always make our day! Enjoy_ _ **DJJ680! :)**_

* * *

 _ **"The Phantom"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of "Danny Phantom"  
series theme song**

 _(He's the Phantom.)  
(The Phantom, the Phantom, the Phantom.)_

* * *

Detective Bobby Fulbright, he was 32,  
When his life would end out of the blue,  
Killed in his sleep by a person whose face no one knew.  
 _(He'll deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom.)_

* * *

When the crime was done, nary a person wondered,  
Allowing the killer to create a mask without blunder,  
Donning the detective's old clothes,  
A new Bobby Fulbright up and rose.  
 _(The Phantom, the Phantom.)_

* * *

When Bobby returned to work, no one realized,  
He couldn't feel a thing, and had no soul in his eyes.  
He had no morals, fears, and could brutalize,  
He was best when forced to improvise.  
He had to stop his identity from being a topic to discuss,  
And keeping his crimes a secret was a plus,  
So he's here to trick every one of us!

* * *

He'll deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom,  
Deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom,  
Deceive everyone 'cause he's,  
 _(The Phantom.)_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 47**

 **JusticeForNoOne**

 **JP:** Disculpe your request took so long, mi amigo, but there is a method to the madness and I'm glad you appreciated the timing alignment with the song/anime as well as the parody itself! 😊

What are some of the fusion cuisines they have in Latin America? I do love trying new foods...or at least hearing about them. I'm a little bit of a foodie!

I'm glad _tu y_ _tu hermana_ didn't go into a shipping war over Miles's perceived perfect life mate! As siblings I'm sure you'll find plenty of other things to squabble about! No point in bickering over the imagined love lives of fictional characters, in person or online! Respectfully ship and let ship, I say!

 _Es cierto - que nunca hay una excusa para ser malo!_

 **CT:** When it comes to food, you can't go wrong with a simple meal. Not only is it more affordable, but sometimes nothing can beat it. Heck, we've all probably had at least one moment in our lives where we're just in the mood for a good sandwich or a nice bowl of soup. Though for me, it's exclusively the former since I can't swallow hot liquids. That's right; I've never been able to swallow hot liquids- not soup, not coffee, or even hot cocoa, one of the official beverages of winter. But on the plus side, I've never had a brain freeze and I can eat ice cream even in frigid weather.

Knowing Ron, I wouldn't be surprised if he sang "One Jump Ahead" to himself during heists whenever he started having doubts about working with a melodramatic detective whose ego is bigger than his nose. Though speaking of which, it baffles me of how Luke was able to pack that massive schnoz in that Mask de Masque mask and still have it effectively cover his face.

 **Chapter 49**

 **STFUyankeegal13**

 **JP:** I wish I could appreciate the sentiment behind your savage defense, but I'm sorry, I just can't. Certainly as a writer, it's disheartening when readers don't even acknowledge your work even with simple "nice job!" or leave a comment that has anything remotely to do with the hard work you put into the story – it can leave a writer discouraged or feel their work is only subpar, like it failed to make any sort of impact on readers at all – before forging ahead with their own suggestions. It's especially true in a FF like this that is 100% based off reader requests.

Nevertheless, that's still no excuse to be malicious to those who don't have the same mindset or etiquette as you. As much as I have been attacked or flamed in the past, I've don't stoop to petty insults to defend myself, nor do I want anything of the sort from my unsolicited defense attorney. Even if you despise someone on this site, for whatever reason, going forward, I ask that you please don't use my review board as an attacking battlefield.

 **CT:** While I can admit that yankeegal13's reviews may be a bit bizarre, if she's not outright bashing anyone's views or insulting them in a disruptive manner, then she's free to comment. I understand that sometimes you encounter a person you just can't stand- we've all had that experience at one point or another. However, that doesn't mean you can't respond to them in a civilized and respectful manner that doesn't stoop to insults.

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** CT and I have indeed have a long boys' and girls' wish list, but we're like the St. Nicks of song requests that way – as long as our readers are patient, almost no request goes unfulfilled.

 **CT:** We're more than happy to see what we can do with those suggestions.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Thank you so much sweetie! I haven't had a chance to write to my OTP for a long time, so I couldn't resist turning the song into a pseudo one shot, plus I love sibling bonds and ever since I read and Dual Destinies that these two girls are like sisters, of course had to include the whole "Parent Factor" as well!

Plus, I couldn't resist showing what they must have been like in the early stages with pearl having to get Trucy on board of the 'make Maya your New Mommy bandwagon!"😍

 **CT:** Yes, Trucy and Pearl are as cute as they are scary when angered. Seriously, with how Trucy was constantly hunting down Athena in "Turnabout Time Traveler", she could easily pass as a horror film villain. Heck, she's already halfway there considering that she had the Troupe Gramarye theme song as her background music for that case.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** It's funny that you mentioned handcuffs and Gumshoe... yanmegaman, thepudz and I collaborated on a three-shot a couple of years ago for Phoenix and Maya Day called _Say Hello To Yesterday_ where pretty much the entire AA gang banded together to reunite the long-lost Phoenix and Maya.

I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it but let's just say handcuffs were involved! ;)

It's nice to know I have the same train of thought has one of my favorite readers!

I really had a blast writing this one because it allowed me to fuel part of my some time head canon that Pearl has recruited Trucy, and from the looks of the prologue video for SOJ, Athena, to join the Ace Matchmakers Shipping Club, and that often Apollo is the exasperated attempted neutral third party who is caught in the middle of the madness (although I'd like to think he's a secret Phaya shipper but just won't admit it!)

Would you believe I've never seen The Parent Trap?!

 **CT:** Knowing Gumshoe, he'd be more than happy to help out two cute little girls like Pearl and Trucy. Heck, Pearl and Trucy would probably strike a deal with the scruffy detective- his handcuffs in exchange for five dollars and helping him get a date with Maggey.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Even though Pearl and Trucy are not biological sisters it's tragic that they love each other and are more supportive of one another then the Hawthorne twins possibly because neither one of them is a Satanic Succubitch! I agree with you Mouse House (didja know Walt was afraid of mice?) Getting a little bit freaky with devouring the whole world around them everything. Star Wars was bad enough but now Marvel? While everyone knows Team Rodent is evil and soul-sucking if they have anything to do with the fact that most Marvel movies are pretty good lets at least give them kudos for that! I am delighted that you enjoyed my first non-Disney parody and support our new theme of a non-Disney month. Also, you are every fanfiction writer's dream – a wonderful and loyal reader who leaves reviews that never fail to bring a smile to the face along with requests that are often challenging but fun! Enjoy your request dear reader! 😊

 **CT:** Because scheming is in the Fey blood and is as genetic as the ability to channel spirits. Granted, Fey women are typically born with the aptitude for only one or none of those skills. Think about it- Pearl's mother schemed, her older sister schemed, and even her distant cousin in Khura'in schemed until Apollo brought her to justice. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason the people of Khura'in try to don't depict the Holy Mother's face is because she was like Dahlia with unmatched spiritual powers and channeling her would unleash an era of darkness onto the world.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** You must send me a poster of the gruesome Threesome that you mentioned in your last traumatize in review! I sent you an email with a picture that hopefully will inspire your latest horrifying Hotti tale! Poor Fran!

Here is a hard game for you: marry/shag/kill.

Players: Hotti, Sal Manella, and Armstrong! 😅

I am delighted that you like your request it's one of my favorite movies even though the image of Pearl sounding like Timon has been seared into my skull as well!

Long live the Hobo family! The main reason Pearl is so obsessed with getting Nick and Maya together is so he can adopt her and they can all be one big family!

OMG if Nosferatu were alive I could see the play now: _Sun Rays For Dracula...Burns Infamy_! And then Manny comes out with his big Taser!

If that doesn't horrify Maya into running straight into Nick's waiting arms for comfort I dunno what would! As always funny girl, it's been a blast! Your other request is waiting in the wings!

 **CT:** Call me evil and twisted, but my dark mind just came up with an idea that's even worse than your Redd White/Grossberg/Jean Armstrong three-way: a three-way consisting of Jean Armstrong, Grossberg, and Quercus Alba. Just the thought of all that sagging, jiggling flesh... *shudders*.  
Oh my gosh, I could just picture Pearl and Trucy using Franziska as a pawn in their grand scheme to get Phoenix and Maya together, They'd somehow steal Franziska's whip and place it in Maya's room with the intention of the silver-haired prosecutor going on a rampage that culminates in her trying to hurt Maya, only for Phoenix to swoop in and save the day. However, if Pearl and Trucy tried to execute that plan, sure, Franziska would try to give Maya a piece of her mind and Phoenix would try to be the hero, but instead of saving the day, Phoenix would find himself flying out a third-story window.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** There's an adorable fan art by _pieces-of-a-rose_ on deviant art, called _partners in shipping_. I saw of young Trucy and Pearl scheming to set up Phaya as kids, and then JusticeCykes as teens. It was so cute! It was partial inspiration for the direction I wanted to go with this song request, but it's not like I need an excuse to write my OTP! It's certainly not the first time fan art has inspired my work - for example the epic one of blushing Apollo facepalming while Trucy mercilessly shouts

"PANTIES, PANTIES, PANTIES!" into his ear is so ingrained into me canon for their banter that I wrote it TE!

Also, The Producers is hilarious a must-see! Nathan Lane, who pays the swindling Max, is the voice of Timon from The Lion King, and uses the same voice throughout the movie, including in this song where he's trying to convince Bloom to help produce "Springtime For Hitler" a supposed surefire Broadway flop about the infamous dictator, so they can rake in all the profits and then declare bankruptcy!

The Ace Matching Pearl, of course, made her singing persuasion for much nobler causes!

Always a pleasure milady! I hope you're better now!

 **CT:** Considering the fact that Morgan is Pearl's mother and Dahlia is her older sister, I think it's safe to say that scheming is in her nature just as swimming is in a fish's. Granted, unlike said mother and older sister, Pearl isn't the Devil incarnate, so her planning isn't malevolent and/or violent… unless, of course, you count her slapping Phoenix into submission.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** Kill Junie by Big Red's hand?!😱

Even though I'm not a fan of the meek flower maiden surely there's a better way to resolve the Athena/Apollo/Juniper triangle than murder most foul! How about pairing her off with Hugh? Hughniper is one of my backseat ships - I always thought he had feelings for her beyond friendship.

Of course, if POLLY were the one who allegedly killed her, that would be intriguing as he's the sole one yet to be accused of murder!

I just poor Red to get a break from another false murder charge she's been through enough already! Bring on her psychology breakthrough now that she's a grown woman in her 20's!

I think it's wonderful that you have family you can consult and do research to make sure you get all the details for your fanfiction correct (for one point in TE my then beta reader put me in touch with his lawyer friends so I could advise on some legal land stuff!) and I'm actually very excited about the premise of Athena "breaking" Maya...but I suspect if she bribed her with enough burgers she'd spill her feelings for Nick sooner than later!

Shu is a brilliant writer, but there's nothing wrong with the other writer for the 2nd trilogy either – different strokes for different folks. I hated AJ but it had a compelling storyline, as did SOJ. Sure story-wise, DD was the weakest link according to most, but it had the best sound track, IMO, and gorgeous graphics, plus we met Big Red, who's amazing!

I can usually find something nice to say about almost anyone/anything, so I have decently high hopes for a good game upcoming. If people are so busy dogging AA, why are they still in the fandom? There's only about a million others out there, ya know? I want AA7 to have Nick in it, anyway I can get it, with Maya by his side, and maybe Trucy as his assistant for a change! I'm fine with Polly staying in Asia if that's how he gets to shine, so split stories/main spotlight is fine with me!

Negative people? Fark that noise! In person and online, they get a boot to the head! Life's too short for me to deal with pessimist, miserable folks or engage in petty squabbles online over fictional characters/ships etc. I find positive people tend to attract nice people though, for the most part, and that means great readers like you, who are like sunshine and rainbows after all the gloom and dark clouds. Thank you for your kind words on my latest Phaya shipping trash arse, and for being awesome in general! :)

 **CT:** The way I see it, Athena was majorly sidelined even in her debut title. Sure, it involved the mystery behind her mother's murder and saving the guy who she sees as a big brother of sorts, but I feel like the game focused less on building her character and more on Phoenix's comeback and Simon's struggle. That's why I feel that Apollo shouldn't be the main attorney of a case in favor of focusing more on Phoenix and Athena. Sure, it would be cool to play as Apollo- he's my favorite of the three Anything Agency attorneys thanks to his snarky remarks and how the world and everyone in it is utterly against him- but unless there's going to be a major plot point taking place in Khura'in, and since he's the sole attorney there who's taking on every last case, I think it would be better to just leave Apollo's character arc where it is in that he's doing very well for himself. Plus, if there's a trial in Khura'in, the prosecutor would without a doubt be Nahyuta, and I'm not doing that again. Four cases with Nahyuta as the prosecutor were three too many.

When it comes to Franziska, the key to writing her is to realize that she isn't some short-fused maniac who flies off the handle because she violent by nature, but that she's trying to overcompensate for her insecurities by showing how 'perfect' she is and getting angry- mostly at herself- when she can't. Essentially, Franziska is a tsundere with a lot of emotional baggage placed on her by her by Papa Dracula.

Of course Susato's a strong character. After all, she has to be strong if she's capable of performing all those Susato Throws and Susato Drops on Ryunosuke. Though for me, while it is admirable that she was able to endure all the prejudice of that era- partially by using Ryunosuke and his genetic punching bag nature as a bit of shield- the main reason I like her character is because she's like a reverse Maya in that she's typically collected while sometimes having little light-hearted moments that we all love to see the assistants engage in.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** was highlighting the line of the famous Chicago song that was most applicable to the scenario we were discussing Grey, so mercy buckets but indubitably, I did know the name of the song wise guy- in fact, a reader requested it! 😉

Yup Pearl may be sheltered, but she's a smart cookie...she knows with the way those two dorks already act around one another (you should see the anime – pure Phaya heaven! They're so touchy feely!) That half the work is already done! Now it's just a matter of convincing her semi-skittish new partner in crime!

Fun fact this request is actually part 1 of 2 of the Ace Matchmaker parodies...another reader made a song request a while back that will answer the hanging question of whether or not Trucy was ever fully recruited as co-Ace Shipper...and whether or not Pearl's been successful in her endeavors!😁

About your PSA...yeah I've never understood the need to go to a restaurant that serves a specific cuisine and complain about the specialty dish served there...especially since most pizza places are very accommodating and gladly make other things to enjoy such as pasta, salad, wings, French fries...just politely make your order for an alternative selection, Wright? Especially when the chef has made it clear they are happy to make any food item upon request, and just kindly ask that you don't walk into her restaurant complaining about too many pizzerias around there and the fact that you don't care for pizza! A simple, _"may I have some chicken wings please?"_ would definitely suffice, as past restaurant guests have seen!

Thanks a lot, bud. Now thanks to all this food talk, I now want pizza... and I'm trying to do a keto diet! 😆

 **CT:** Pearl may be a young child with a limited understanding of the world, but if there's one thing she knows about, it's love. Remember during the credits of "Justice for All" when she mentioned that she booked Phoenix and Maya a room at the Imperial Gatewater on account of it being a popular destination for honeymooners? Pearl knew what she was doing. She knows what adults do in hotel rooms. So while Trucy may have been traumatized seeing her new daddy rounding the bases, Pearl would have started cheering and squealing like there was no tomorrow.

 **yankeegal13**

 **JP:** Regarding shipping preferences, everyone is allowed to have them, as well as their own shipping dislikes, that's your prerogative, yet all my readers know _I'm_ generally a peaceful shipper, and always try to write to make readers happy as best as I can. Should they request any pairing, like someone who once asked for Wrightworth, I've done so with no issues, as they asked for it respectfully and courteously. Therefore, is it too much to ask for some common courtesy in not stating your own shipping aversions against _my_ own shipping preferences – and in the same story about my own OTP?

Moving onto AA7 – I love Miles so I want to see him back in any way I can get him. He's been through enough already so I have no desire to see any sort of new disaster, medical or otherwise, to plague him. My inner feminist also cries out for Franny to return, as there is a gross female lawyer shortage, and I also hope Athena comes into her own next game as well.

 **CT:** Technically, Athena already suffered that kind of setback during "Turnabout Countdown" when she had a nervous breakdown and Phoenix had to take her place in defending Juniper. Though speaking of Athena, it's all but certain that Simon will make an appearance in the seventh game if she's playing a starring role since their characters are practically intertwined; and I can see Klavier making an appearance since Athena's been shown to be a bit of a fangirl of his, going so far as to call him beautiful. Though from a plot perspective, I can understand them not including any other previous prosecutors in the main story since it would run the risk of spreading things a bit too thin.

While "Apollo Justice" broke the trend of the previous game's prosecutor making a return, it did so for a good reason. For one thing, Godot was never truly a prosecutor. Sure, he gained the position and was quite the formidable opponent, but that's never where his passion was. Godot only became a prosecutor for two reasons: to gain the authority needed to keep tabs on Morgan while she was in prison and to test Phoenix to see if he's truly worthy of being Mia's successor. That, and the last time we saw Godot, he was arrested for Misty's murder; and as we've seen throughout the series, once we see a villain arrested, we never see them again- unless, of course, they're Frank Sahwit, Dahlia, or Kristoph. So even if Godot got a light sentence or early release, chances are he wouldn't go back to being a prosecutor since he knows that Phoenix is capable of both Mia's legacy and protecting Maya.


	51. Yo, Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!

_JP: There seemed to be many different versions to the Power Rangers theme, but this is the version/lyrics I went with for this parody:_ _ **Mix - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Full song with lyrics (**_ _bit . ly / 2zNgJQl) from the 2017 movie. This goes out to my old pal, Yanmegaman and fellow friend/FF writing partner, and Power Ranger lover,_ _ **Jove's Boy!**_ _Hope y'all enjoy! :)_

 _CT: Once again, JP has outdone herself with this parody. I can easily picture Maya singing those lyrics all day every day, much to Phoenix's annoyance!_

* * *

" _ **Yo, Yo Neo Olde Tokyo"**_ _ **  
**_ **Sung to the tune of the  
"Go Go Power Rangers"  
2017 Movie Theme Version**

He's got super samurai strength  
To knock out evil dorks  
She's got fight skills to kick your sad  
Ass out the door  
Bad guys prepare for big smack down  
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!

* * *

Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!  
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!  
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!  
Power Couple Super Heroes!

* * *

They know against all evil forces they must stand  
They know that Evil Magistrate fool don't stand a chance  
Bad guys prepare for big smack down  
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!

* * *

Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!  
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!  
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!  
Power Couple Super Heroes!

* * *

Bad guys prepare for big smack down  
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!

* * *

Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!  
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!  
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!  
Power Couple Super Heroes!

* * *

Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!  
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!  
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!

* * *

" _Maya_!" Phoenix groaned in exasperation as he clapped a hand to his face. "It's bad enough you make me sit through this with you every week, but _must_ you sing along that inane theme song, too? You _know_ those aren't the _actual_ lyrics!"

Maya puffed out her cheeks in indignation as she chucked a sofa cushion at him.

"Well, they _should_ be! You'd think with _me_ being the inspiration for the darn _Pink Princess_ , that _my_ suggested lyrics would have automatically won their theme song contest!"

"You're never going to forgive Edgeworth for _spearing_ that victory away from you with his winning entry, are you?" He teased, only to be rewarded with a baleful glare, along with another hurled couch pillow, this time right in the kisser.

"Very funny, Nick! Edgeworth's song _sucks_! Can we not agree that _'Ho-Ho, Steel Samurai Ho!'_ is lamer than a three-legged horse?!"

"I'd agree to _anything_ that'll make you stop committing assault with a fluffy weapon!"

"If I had a real rapier like the _Pink Princess_ right about now, you'd be _so_ dead, Old Man!"

* * *

 _JP: To any of you who may have been following my Miego collaboration with Jove's Boy called_ _ **The Man Behind The Mask**_ _I am very happy to say to announce that it's not dead and just happens to line up with the arrival of Godot in the season two Ace Attorney anime, and JB wrote and chapter 3, which is now up, and I swear and all that is holy there will never again be a delay that long in between chapters! I hope you guys like it! :-)_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 49**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** _Muchas gracias_ for the kind words amigo! I am a huge fan of the speculation that Pearly never outgrew her Phaya shipping and recruited _su hermana de otro señor_ to join the club!

Can't blame Pearly for her fanciful thinking...it'd in her Gene's! Thanks to Godot's

Q & A column, I now subscribe to the belief Maya was the biggest Miego shipper of all!

I am delighted you're a fan of this totally impromptu non-Disney theme...we return to our regularly scheduled team rodent next month. 😆

In the AA series my fave OST is DD, followed by the Miles games ... Detective Badd has a fittingly wicked cool badass theme.😎

Phoenix's DD Objection is my fave one of all, but Athena and Apollo's new themes in SOJ are amazing! But my 2nd fave theme of all, even if my fave game's soundtrack isn't on the list, is Godot's smooth as silk jazz theme. It's my email notification ring tone and possibly the most fitting one in the whole series! That man provides some great SAX! 😏

Yes I know what I said. There's two kinds of people in this world... those that find Godot sexy AF...and liars!

Say what you want about Crapcom but they make great game music! Street Fighter is great, and is out if this world played as heavy metal by Brazilian band _Megadriver_!

 **CT:** And it was at that moment that Phoenix knew that he'd have to marry Maya whether he liked it or not. I mean, it's one thing for him to deal with his daughter who is effectively half of his income, but things are taken to a whole new level when said daughter teams up with Maya's cousin with slaps ranging from 2.5 to 7.5 Franziska's of power, depending on the source.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:**

Yes, the "Ace Attorney" anime has been airing its second season for the past few weeks. In fact, at the time I'm writing this reply, the sixth episode has just been released and it's one of my favorites yet! Though in order to avoid spoilers, I'll just say that it starts with Phoenix and Maya doing a commercial for the law firm that's as cheap-looking and heavily inspired by "The Steel Samurai" as you'd imagine it being.

 **JP** : Yup, and it's Ace! _Hello_ , Godot!

 **Chapter 50**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** "Danny Phantom" may have not had the longest runtime, but at least it ended with dignity; which is more than I can say for shows like "Fairly Odd Parents" and "SpongeBob". After all, you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain… unless, of course, you cheat on a career aptitude test. If you do that, you get caught up in some time paradox where you see your friends and family die, move to Wisconsin to live with a huge Green Bay Packers fan who is obsessed with your mom, and have him perform a drastic procedure on you that you know will go horribly wrong and result in you killing your human-self and starting the string of events that caused your loved ones to die in the first place.

 **JP:** So glad that you liked your request I have never seen the show but I did check out the theme song in my talented copilot definitely lined up the lyrics in the rhythm bang on! Regarding _The Music Man_ you're referring to the 1962 movie? Or the 2003 version with the same name? I have not seen either one… was there a particular song that you were looking at or writer's choice? :-)

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** That sounds like a pretty cool concept. I'll make sure to check it out soon. Too bad Kristoph's in prison; otherwise, I could picture him and Vlad meeting each other in a café and hitting it off as they discuss their revenge plans and how much they hate their respective archenemies. Who knows, maybe they'd even strike a deal where they help each other accomplish their goals- Vlad uses his powers to sneak into Phoenix's apartment and kill him in his sleep while leaving behind absolutely no evidence, and in return, Kristoph lures Jack into a dark alley with the classic sandwich on a fishing line trap and bludgeons him to death with a glass bottle.

 **JP:** That does sound like a pretty cool crossover story! There seems to be a spectral/supernatural element to Danny Phantom? I got a check out an episode of that show now! I'm really happy to see that readers are embracing our non-Disney stuff! :-)

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Don't worry. We're never annoyed when you tell us that you like our parodies. In fact, it makes us feel quite flattered.

For me, my favorite moment of "Apollo Justice" is Wesley's cross-examination because it's just so over-the-top in how disturbing it is. Think about it- whereas most college students either hang out with friends or catch up on their favorite shows when they aren't swamped with assignments, Wesley decides to spends his free time stealing pair after pair of women's underwear late at night so he can study them, in addition to frequenting free sample stations at grocery stores.

 **JP:** Apollo's hilarious AJ line that you mentioned is canon indicated of an uptight needle but that boy can be, so the influx of panties based jokes will never get tired for me! XD

I have no problem with broken records – being an angsty artist, we have fragile egos and praises cocaine level of addictive to us as the fuel that keeps us going, milady! :p

I actually was unfamiliar with the song myself, although I had heard of the fandom, but having listened to the original theme song indeed my partner did a brilliant job using the very underused but brilliant criminal mastermind the phantom as the protagonist for the parody. Thank you so much for the kind words and I'm very happy that one of my favourite readers is feeling better! :-)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** TheFreelancerSeal: Same here. When I first realized that the Bobby Fulbright we knew was actually the Phantom, my reaction was exactly the same as Phoenix's, even down to my jaw dropping. That reveal was especially memorable to me since it was the first "Ace Attorney" game that I did a blind play through of. Heck, I was so shaken that I kind of freaked out when Edgeworth returned to tell us about the real Fulbright's body, fearing that he was also an imposter. Though in retrospect, that fear was completely unfounded since no mortal can replicate the glory, smugness, and quick wit that is Edgeworth. If the Phantom tried to impersonate Edgeworth, they'd probably burst into flames.

 **JP:** Danny Phantom definitely has a catchy theme regardless of whether you know the show or not! But speaking of cool themes, Fulbright may have had the catchiest theme song in the entire Dual Destinies soundtrack, which was very reminiscent of Benny Hill to me, but he also had Darth Vader helmet hair! He had to be evil!

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Upon reading my wonderful cowriter's reply to your review last chapter, that would be one round of marry/shag/kill where I'd choose kill, kill, kill, and be single. If you were in a position where those three creatures were the only things you could either marry or churn butter with, dying alone wouldn't seem so bad.

Considering that Phoenix and Mia were able to exorcise Dahlia from Maya's body and banish her to Hell simply by bringing up her past mistakes, I don't think they'd even need ghost-fighting equipment. Heck, the Anything Agency could probably remove every specter in L.A. by simply giving Apollo a microphone plugged into an amp and having him practice his Chords of Steel.

Yeah, "Danny Phantom" was one of those cartoons where it blending engaging storylines with humor and a colorful cast of characters. Though when it comes to the Phantom, we get something like Danny's transformations during his breakdown when he's constantly switching between his masks as the rubble falls.

 **JP:** Since Alba is essentially a gnarled Oakwood, he should be tossed into a wood chipper and then replanted … Six feet under. That is all.

When you mentioned that _Threesome_ poster with three of the icky as man in Japalifornia (and then actually showed me the picture in which was just as bad as what I was imagining!) my swift retaliation was to counter traumatize you with the marry/shag/kill game! Bwahahaahaha!

For what it's worth, I would kill Hotti because I really think _he_ would kill _me_ first after doing unspeakable things to me and it may not even be while I'm alive! I would shag Armstrong but tie him to the bed with the sock in his mouth and have the lights off so he could not speak/so I wouldn't have to see him jiggle. Then because there's no other choice, I'd probably marry the soggy hog of a producer because I figure he has Hollywood influence and probably some surplus of cash… It might make up for the night terrors that would include wifely duties but maybe I could divorce him really soon after and get alimony! XD

Even though I'm not familiar with the _Danny Phantom_ show it is a pretty catchy theme. Another reader did mention a crossover fanfiction that was written for this fandom as well as Ace Attorney which sounds very intriguing if there is _Ghostbusters_ element involved! :-)

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** In a sense, it would be more unexpected if Juniper didn't become a judge since she was in the judge course during her time at Themis and constantly voiced how she wanted to better the system as a judge. As for Kay, I could never picture her becoming a judge since it involves a lot of sitting still and being impartial- two things that would be absolute murder for our favorite great thief. That's why I believe that Kay would follow in the footsteps of her father or Uncle Badd by becoming either a prosecutor or a detective, respectively. Though out of those two career choices, I think that Kay would gravitate slightly towards the latter since it involves less education, allowing her to get started sooner, and being a detective is more action-packed than being a prosecutor. Plus, I can just picture Kay being Sebastian's main detective, assisting him with his cases just as she did with Edgeworth and being the bad cop during interrogations. Sebastian would start by politely asking the suspect to tell him what they know, which would result in him being reduced to tears after 30 minutes of the suspect refusing to say anything, followed by Kay pushing him aside and yelling death threats at the suspect while brandishing the sledgehammer she found in Sebastian's garage.

The Judge is one of those characters that I think no one can hate. Sure, it can feel as though he goes out of his way to make the lives of Phoenix and his subordinates harder while letting the prosecutors rule the roost, but he has this childlike purity to him that makes it where you can't stay mad at him. Not to mention, he's probably the only judge in Japanifornia who would allow the power of love to be an acceptable reason for anything. Could you imagine if someone tried to justify something using that reason to Justine? She would flash them a death glare before penalizing them back to the Stone Age, slamming her gavel like a madwoman as she yells about how the person who dared to suggest such a reason is an affront to the Goddess of Law.

I didn't think that it was possible, but the anime did it- they managed to make Pearl even stronger than she is in the games. At the end of "The Stolen Turnabout" in the game, it took her six slaps to knock out Phoenix- an impressive feat considering that the same result took Franziska 15 lashes of her whip when she was at the apex of her anger- but in the anime, it only took her two. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the plot point about Pearl being rescued from the Inner Temple after Dusky Bridges is destroyed in "Bridge to the Turnabout" is removed from the anime since she could probably jump across that gap as easily as a rabbit can hop across a crack in the sidewalk.

 **JP:** Verily, my awesome partner does a great job in making me appreciate his works even for fandoms and songs I am unfamiliar with until suggested! :)

Wahoo! You recruited a member into the Ace Attorney fandom! *chants* " _One of us! One of us!"_

Ahem. Back to your review…

I'm pretty neutral about Juniper and always wondered how such a frail girl could handle the stress involved with being a judge –can you imagine her seeing a demon exorcism?! – But I would take a good old Udgey any day if I had to make the choice about who should preside over the next kangaroo court room run by Phoenix Wright and company! Let's face it that man has literally seen it all and while he's a bumbler, remained unfazed and hilarious throughout everything! And despite being Canadian I still like "Jughead Chambers" over his more uptight Canuck brother!

That being said, if they brought back the Juniper so Athena has a familiar friend around that would be cool. I do like the way you're thinking about ways to kill off the poor girl though it shows excellent creativity which I look forward to seeing in your fanfictions in the future!

I would love to see Kay return to the games, even if it was only to trade embarrassing boss stories with Maya. I'd like to think she either went off to become a prosecutor or work with Interpol but hopefully something cool that utilizes her awesome skills but is still _legal_!

My family is also layered with doctors and science workers like lab technicians and pharmacists… They always hoped I would embrace maths and sciences but no but I had to go pursue a career in English/education and then become an angsty artist on the side with the creative writing! XD

I find in general people a hard time embracing change while I will admit the first trilogy was written better, the soundtrack the graphics and the addition of awesome new characters like Trucy and Athena and Apollo more than make up for any weaker storytelling. The alternative is not having any more games at all which simply will not do! Of course I'm not want to know my complaint am happy to take what I can get it goes with the whole positive optimistic personality thing you and I chatted about last review! :-)

Interesting that you don't think there will be any more plot points in Khura'in… Does that mean you think Apollo will be written now entirely or do you think he'll come back to Japalifornia?

Franziska is a very complex character and very challenging for me to write and I am very aware of this CT story you speak of since I I'm a loyal fan girl who reads and reviews all of his works, just like he does with all of mine, even on some of my race your work which more people read to than they care to publicly review/ _admit_! ***cough** * _Void/Bangkok_ ***cough***

Nick's great-grandmother (that's who Susato is in my mind and nobody can tell me otherwise!) And her character development made my inner feminist cheer considering what a stifling era that was for women anywhere in the world never mind already being from a culture were women are traditionally more subservient! Unfortunately it seems like they're done with the DGS series which may not a bad thing be, since are almost done fan translating the first one to give them a chance to catch up and get started on translating the next one!

I was howling that little pocket-sized Pearl could lay smack down on Phoenix Wright to the point of unconsciousness, considering he can survive poison and an extinguisher to the skull with no recourse to his Wolverine ass at this point! The children are so all adorable in the anime especially little Franny I'm really excited to see what the next case is about, too!

Always a pleasure, dear reader!

Cheers,

JP

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** When I was writing that parody, the image that kept appearing in my head was Fulbright getting hit with that green blast of light that you see in the "Danny Phantom" opening with that goofy surprised look on his face. Though as for why those other series went downhill, it's because of combination of the writers working off of fumes, the network demanding unnecessary changes, and the fact that people try to do everything humanly possible to keep them alive even though their clearly dying.

Oh my gosh, Blaise thinking that he invented Cards Against Humanity and that someone stole it from him… I'm going to have to remember that when writing the next chapter of "Debeste of Friends". Though knowing Blaise, he'd be so glad that there's a raunchy version of Apples to Apples that suits his twisted, perverted tastes that he'd let the issue slide, only feeling a few pangs of irritation here and there. After all, great minds think alike, and it would be a crime to Blaise if he killed a great mind… unless, of course, that great mind tried to pull that kind of stunt a second time

 **JP:** I support your theory he was the _CAH_ creator, as Blaise WAS a CAD against humanity! We have no evidence he was an ace ass hat against women, but given his general disdain for humans and his son's mom being MIA (head canon - the pyro snuffed her or the poor woman died to get away from him!) I doubt women were high on his revered list!

Happy you enjoyed your trip back to childhood, _amigo_! :)


	52. You Know From Me

_CT: I'd like to give a big shout-out to Yanmegaman for suggesting this parody an unleashing Sebastian's inner 'Sonic' fanboy; because knowing Sebastian, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a closet filled to the brim with 'Sonic' OCs. I swear, when I watch the video "How to Create Your Own Sonic Fan Character", Sebastian's smug grin is one of the first things to pop into my head. Though that's not the only reason why I chose to make Sebastian and Simon the main characters for this parody._

 _You see, to me, one of the most interesting relationships in the "Ace Attorney" series that has never been touched upon in cannon is the one between Simon and Sebastian. For while both of them have went through much emotional trauma, they have entirely different goals and outlooks on life- Simon is dour man driven by duty and armed with a tongue as sharp as his wit, whereas Sebastian tries to stay optimistic while giving he does 110%. Plus, given how Simon doesn't take fools lightly and Sebastian's overall naïve, yet friendly nature, I can picture them having their fair share of disputes._

 _JP: This could not have been an easy song to do, considering all the different musical genres everything from rap to a jazzy/ballad all wrapped up into one song, and I know_ _ **I**_ _couldn't have done it, so I will give mad kudos to my talented copilot for tackling this song request, and of course making it, as usual, mondo hilarious with the previously unexplored dynamic of the Twister Samurai and Herr Unfortunate Bowl Cut! XD_

* * *

 ** _"You Know from Me "_** _  
_ **Sung to the tune of "Unknown from M.E"  
theme by Knuckles  
from** ** _Sonic the Hedgehog_** **game**

 _[It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office, so Simon decided to spend it reading a case file for an upcoming trial in his office, which was an otaku' paradise- several rows of shelves filled to full capacity with mangas, a suit of samurai in the back corner of the room, a bonsai tree in a decorative Japanese pot placed next to Taka's perch, where the hawk casually stood with its gaze fixed on the office's entrance, and much more.]_

 _[However, Simon's day of easy reading was interrupted by Sebastian bursting into the office with a piece of paper in his hand,]_

 ** _["Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Blackquill! I've got something really awesome to show you!"_** _Sebastian proudly stated as he marched over to his coworker's desk, prompting the Twisted Samurai to spin his chair around so that his back was turned to the naïve prosecutor.]_

 ** _["I swear, Deworste, if it's another chapter of that 'Cory in the House' fanfic you've been writing, Taka will hallow out your head for a new nest and use that story for lining."]_**

 ** _["Don't you worry, Mr. Blackquill. This isn't a fanfic. I've been having Klavier proofread those since he was a rock star and knows what's cool."]_**

 ** _["In that case, what do you want to show me?"_** _Simon asked as he turned his chair back around so he could stare at Sebastian's smiling face.]_

 ** _["You see, I was searching the internet and I noticed that nearly everyone has a 'Sonic' OC- Mr. Edgeworth, Kay, that weird spiky-haired guy who Mr. Edgeworth won't tell me the name of, and pretty much everyone else we know. But no matter how much I looked, I couldn't find one for you."]_**

 ** _["No."_** _Simon said as his eyes started to widen.]_

 ** _["Heck, even I have an OC- Sting the Eel, a cool guy who fires lightning from his hands, plays the saxophone, and wears lots of leather."]_**

 ** _["Deworste, please tell me you didn't…"]_**

 ** _["What? Create an awesome OC for you? Because luckily for you, that's just what I did. Just take a look at this sexy yeast!"_** _Sebastian smirked as he placed the paper he was holding onto the desk and slid it over to his coworker.]_

 _[Simon was a man who praised himself for being able to control a situation, using his knowledge of psychology that he learned from his sensei to hide his feelings while also subtly manipulating others to do what he desired. However, upon seeing the drawing, if one could even call it that, he was at a complete loss for words. But could anyone blame him?]_

 _[Before the Twisted Samurai was a picture of Storm the Albatross from the 'Sonic Riders' games- a large, hulking, grey creature one could easily mistake for a yeti if not for the yellow beak on his face. However, unlike most OCs which had at least a shred of creativity to them, this one had absolutely none, taking a standard picture of Storm- grey color, yellow gloves, and blackish-grey shoes- and merely adding a sloppy-made black coat that was probably done with the paintbrush tool in Microsoft paint, a white streak on the top of his head, and two little black triangles underneath his eyes on his beak.]_

 ** _["Isn't he Debeste OC you've ever seen?"_** _Sebastian asked with a smug grin.]_

 ** _["Yes… at being garbage."_** _Simon jeered before crumpling the picture up into a ball and throwing it in his trashcan, which oddly enough had the stern face of a red-eyed guy with short, semi-spiky black hair taped to it._ _ **"What the bloody hell is that thing supposed to be?"]**_

 ** _["That's Jailrush the Pigeon."_** _Sebastian stated with a shaky voice._ _ **"He… He went to jail for a crime he didn't do, so he fought to save his reputation by using his job as a prosecutor to catch the real criminal, just like you."]**_

 ** _["Jailrush the Pigeon… JAILRUSH THE PIGEON!?"_** _Simon snarled, leaning forward as he pressed his hand against his chest._ _ **"What kind of name is Jailrush? What is he, some edgy teen who thinks he's sooo deep?"]**_

 ** _["I-I'm sorry, Mr. Blackquill…"_** _Sebastian whimpered as he bent his baton, trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes._ _ **"I was just trying to make him cool like all the other 'Sonic' OCs."]**_

 ** _["The phrase 'cool 'Sonic' OC' is an oxymoron, Deworste. Have you ever seen the 'Sonic' fan base? They actually make you look semi-competent by comparison. Though what baffles me more than you actually thinking that I like this is why, of all creatures, you chose a pigeon. Granted, I know that even a nitwit like you could see that I have an affinity for birds, but I am a noble hawk, or at the very least a penguin."]_**

 ** _["Storm and Jet were the only guy birds I could find in the Sonic cast, so I went with Storm because he's tough like you. Plus, you have a lot in common with pigeons- they live in cities, you live in L.A.; they flock around people, you deal with lots of people every day; and the biggest one: both you and they get pretty assertive when you want something. But don't you worry, Mr. Blackquill, I didn't make Jailrush a moron. After all, he is one of Debeste OCs ever made. Did you see the black triangles under his beak?"_** _Sebastian smirked as he tapped his baton to his hand._ _ **"Well, those were tear marks. You see, in prison, Jailrush cried a lot and never bothered to wipe his eyes. Isn't that deep, Mr. Blackquill?"]**_

 ** _["As deep and dark as the hole I want to bury you in,"_** _Simon wryly retorted as he picked up the case file that he was previously reading. "_ _ **Now please leave me office so that I can resume reading my case file and get the horrible taste that you and that OC have left in my mouth."]**_

 ** _["Don't be so tasty, Mr. Blackquill. Why, once you hear Jailrush's theme song, I'm sure you'll just love him!"]_**

 ** _["You… You seriously wrote a song for that thing?"_** _Simon groaned as he face palmed himself.]_

 ** _["Yes, after all, I am Debeste. I based it off of Knuckles' theme song, so I named it 'You Know' because you know who the character is, you know?"_** _Sebastian said with a wink, as if he was under the delusion that he was somehow being mysterious._ _ **"And it goes like this…"]**_

* * *

I don't chat much,

Small talk's nothing but a bother,

Doesn't matter,

'Cause I'm stronger with honor.

The name's Jailrush,

But unlike Edgeworth, I've never gushed,

Never revealed my fandoms and blushed.

* * *

I'm cold as steel,

Makes my foes flee and squeal,

Psychology helps me troll like it's no big deal.

Unlike other prosecutors, I'm not in it for pride,

First goal, find the truth, don't let criminals hide.

* * *

Born with the spirit of a samurai,

The blood of the peekaboo flows inside me.

I live to protect the daughter of my sensei,

From any and all danger and harm.

Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.

* * *

Anime, sarcasm, and duty,

Are the three things that help keep me alive.

I march to the beat of my own drum,

No one can clip this bird's feathers.

* * *

Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.

* * *

I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

I shall fight to make the world safe so Athena can thrive.

Even when I'm chained,

Nothing can stop my peerless drive.

* * *

I don't chat much,

Small talk's nothing but a bother,

Doesn't matter,

'Cause I'm stronger with honor.

The name's Jailrush,

But unlike Edgeworth, I've never gushed,

Never revealed my fandoms and blushed.

* * *

I'm cold as steel,

Makes my foes flee and squeal,

Psychology helps me troll like it's no big deal.

Unlike other prosecutors, I'm not in it for pride,

First goal, find the truth, don't let criminals hide.

* * *

Nothing shall pierce my hardened armor.

I don't need help, but I won't refuse it.

I'll work with you for a short time,

Just don't think that I'll hold your hand forever.

* * *

Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.

* * *

I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

Sometimes you must go down if you want to come out on top.

Even when I'm chained,

I will stand tall and proud.

* * *

I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

I shall fight to make the world safe so Athena can thrive.

Even when I'm chained,

I will fight.

* * *

I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

Sometimes you must go down if you want to come out on top.

Even when I'm chained,

I will stand tall and proud.

* * *

The toughest prosecutor in town with long hair,

Honed in prison, surrounded by despair.

Hey, hey, it's Jailrush,

Always there,

My wit you should beware.

If I see you full of hot air,

I'll give you the coldest glare.

I was born a loner,

I don't need a friend.

I work independently,

And when I'm done, I leave.

* * *

 ** _["So, what do you think? Pretty cool, right?"_** _Sebastian smirked, completely oblivious to the look of disgust on his coworker's face.]_

 ** _["Deworste…"_** _Simon sighed in exasperation, lowering his head and taking a few deep breaths to keep himself from leaping over his desk and assaulting the naïve prosecutor._ _ **"I've heard so many idiotic comments come out of that big mouth of yours, but that song has taken the cake."]**_

 ** _["But I tried really, really hard on it!"_** _Sebastian pathetically retorted, bending his baton as tears streamed down his cheeks._ _ **"Kay said that SHE liked it!"]**_

 ** _["That's because Raven Hood was trying to be nice to you since you're her friend. That, and she has horrible tastes if her love of 'Jammin' Ninja' is of any indication. For instance, you said that I-"]_**

 ** _["Jailrush."_** _Sebastian interjected, earning a sharp glare from his coworker.]_

 ** _["Yes, Jailrush…"_** _Simon growled with a tone of pure venom._ _ **"Has 'the blood of the peekaboo'. What is that even supposed to mean?"]**_

 ** _["You see, I heard a lot of people calling you that since you love anime and Japan so much, so I figured that it would fit well."]_**

 ** _["You bloody git…"_** _Simon grumbled under his breath as he face palmed himself._ _ **"The term is 'weeaboo', not peekaboo. And even if you used the term correctly, you would still be horribly wrong since a weeaboo refers to someone who is so obsessed with Japanese culture that they disregard their own and only serve to make Japanese enthusiasts look bad; whereas I am an otaku, someone who appreciates the Japanese culture for its rich history, colorful folklore, and mysterious traditions while keeping in touch with my own. That's why I know over 50 Rakugo stories by heart while also being able to respond to you with the dry, cutting wit made famous by my English heritage."]**_

 ** _["That's weird…"_** _Sebastian said as he cocked his head to the side out of confusion, prompting Simon to roll his eyes.]_

 ** _["I know that I'm probably going to regret asking this, but why, pray tell, is that?"]_**

 ** _["I don't know."_** _Sebastian shrugged his shoulders before holding is arms out in front of him and making a frame with his hands._ _ **"I just figured that peekaboo made more sense than weeaboo since you like Pikachu. I mean, I know that the Wii is from Japan, but doesn't Pikachu make more sense since its anime? And for that matter, since I like the DS, does that make me a DS-aboo?"]**_

 ** _["I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."_** _Simon curtly replied before getting out of his seat and walking towards the door.]_

 ** _["Classic Jailrush…"_** _Sebastian smirked as Simon passed by him, prompting the Twisted Samurai to scowl at his inculpable coworker.]_

 ** _["That abomination that you call a character is nothing like me."]_**

 ** _["Yeah he is! 'Cause you're done, so you're leaving, just like the lyrics in 'You Know'!"_** _Sebastian stated with his arms spread out and his baton held up proudly.]_

 ** _["Poor, naïve Deworste…"_** _Simon smirked as he tapped his forehead._ _ **"There's one thing that I do that Jailrush doesn't."]**_

 ** _["And what's that?"_** _Sebastian asked with an innocent smile.]_

 _[Upon hearing that question, Simon put two fingers to his mouth and pierced the air with a high-pitched whistle, prompting Taka to fly off his perch and dive-bomb the culpable prosecutor.]_

 ** _["Help me, Mr. Blackquill! Tell Taka to stop attacking me!"_** _Sebastian wailed as the hawk proceeded to claw and peck at him.]_

 ** _["Sorry, Deworste, don't think that I'll hold your hand forever."_** _Simon chuckled as he walked out of his office, leaving his crying coworker alone with his feathered friend.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 51**

 **Yanmegaman**

 **JP:** You're very welcome, buddy. I'm so happy you liked your request! On the topic of guitar riffs, for some reason I can picture Maya conning Klavier into unexpectedly busting this out whenever Phoenix is least expecting it, just to mess with him as a nostalgic reminder of how he's always been so whipped by her! XD

 **CT:** Or better yet, Maya keeps one of those obnoxiously loud toy guitars in the office for just such a scenario. That way, she can "grace" Phoenix's ears with her song at any time of the day.

 **Jove's Boy**

 **JP:** Good grief **Season** **17**!? Is this Power Rangers of the never ending story?!

Ugh, Wocky a power ranger?! Can't he be the one that got stomped to pieces by the giant robot?! Otherwise and then I have to agree with my partner about how the appeal would only be if we saw him get the snot kicked out of him every episode… Sign me up for that please!

I was never a fan of the show and I did think the original lyrics were kind of inane – although admittedly very catchy – but of course I was listening to than in preparation for this parody through the jaded eyes of an adult not a child/real life Disney character whose embodiment a certain friend of mine who shall remain nameless completely encompasses… But I digress. Also, I do applaud your devotion especially if you put in the same ranks as Mr. Coffee's Java obsession… I expect you would get a cup to the face like poor Phoenix did for even putting the two in the same sentence/league though! XD

If I were to assign the Power Rangers with members of the Ace Attorney cast, blue would be Phoenix just on principle, black would be Badd (or Simon just due to color choice), Green could be Moe since he was a cloud although not a very funny one, yellow would be Pearl (she slaps to unconsciousness!) if not Athena just because she's Miss yellow, and red could be Apollo since he is Mr. Straightman, aka the ever responsible one! I could totally picture the geeky Miles Edgeworth being a secret fan of the show too!

I am delighted that you enjoyed the parody, pal!

 **CT:** If Wocky was a Power Ranger, he'd be the Black and Blue Ranger since every fight would involve the villain, and potentially his fellow Rangers, beating the stuffing out of him. At least, I would love to see that happen. If they made a 30 minute television show where the main premise was a group of people beating Wocky up, I'd watch every episode and record them all for future enjoyment.

Though as for a villain referring to Franziska as "the girl", that's equivalent to suicide. And even if the villain somehow survived, they'd still scream like a girl as Franziska whipped them to within an inch of their life.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP** : So is purely by choice and not due to dishonor that you have opted for death by presumed _Seppuku_ , young grasshopper? I just thought we'd stick with it Japanese theme there… No judgement for me though since those were pretty grim choices I admittedly gave you!

Yikes here we go with the ultimate rock hard/place/brimstone… Since CT picked Dahlstoph/Scarface for the kill screw/marry round, I'll go with the second lot from Abaddon…

Kill – the gnarly tree man because I don't think my skin could ever recover from the splinters if I were to pick up the other two options plus he's just gross/not even interesting and I fear laying with him would mean he would make like an evergreen and just never die and neither would his attempts to prove he can remain permanently uprooted year-round! XD

Screw – Manfred is a quick one time deal while wearing a crucifix and garlic around my neck… He does have two daughters we know he's at least _capable_ of the deed – and I could hold out for the vain hope that his need to prove he is number one _everything_ would continue behind closed doors? Even in the case scenario where he is a totally selfish bastard, I reckon it would be over and done with quick to put me on my misery!

Marry - Damon Gant. Remember this man was Mr. Congeniality and is perfectly capable of acting normal if the need arises. Nobody said had to _stay_ married to him though, as I'm pretty sure it would be justifiable cause for divorce when I cited that I was starting to grow scales/insufferable swimmer's ear due to his penchant for only wanting to do husbandly duties out in the pool/ocean given his overt enthusiasm for aquatic activities!

Just as I was starting to enjoy your proposed Ace Attorney cast for Power Rangers, you had to go mention Mr. Bitch Tits… Any part of him including his head is the stuff nightmares are made out of! I have no doubt you would do a great job of writing this horror, just as much as I know I will enjoy reading it despite shuddering the entire time! XD

 **CT:** Surprisingly enough, that first group of choices in the killer category is much easier to work with. I would kill Engarde because he's the kind of guy who doesn't hesitate to dispose of people who aren't of use to him; whereas Kristoph and Dahlia may be eviler overall, but at least they won't be as quick to get rid of you. Not to mention, at least Kristoph and Dahlia are able to pretend like they give a damn about you, which is more than I can say about Mr. Fresh-as-a-Spring-Breeze who is annoyingly oblivious at his nicest. As for screw, I would take Dahlia because not only is she the sole female- I have nothing against guys who swing that way, but that's not how I roll- but since sex is one of her main way of getting people to keep quiet, I'd be able to have a fling with her and easily distance myself from her. Finally, for marriage, and this is under the assumption that this is a sexless marriage, I'd have to go with Kristoph. Sure, Kristoph can hold one hell of a grudge, but as long as you don't do anything to really set him off- like firing him after beating him in a game of poker and not explaining your reasoning- he'll leave you alone. Not to mention, Kristoph has a stable, high-income job, so he'd probably be willing to lavish you with nice things if you stroke his massive ego, which wouldn't be so hard to do if you simply compliment his nails once in a while.

As for "Ace Attorney" Power Rangers, from the original trilogy, the cast would be identical to the one you listed; though for next generation, I see the Power Rangers being the following: Apollo as the Red Ranger, Trucy as the Blue Ranger, Athena as the Yellow Ranger, Simon as the Black Ranger, and Ema as the Pink Ranger. As for the giant robot, neither of the two groups of Power Rangers would need it since they could simply call on Pearl to lend them her super strength and speed when the enemy becomes gigantic. Plus, the group from the original trilogy would really struggle to control the robot since Franziska would likely try doing all the fighting on her own while refusing to listen to the others while Larry would frantically start hitting random buttons and potentially cause the robot to self-destruct.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** It's very funny that you mentioned the fop playing this on his guitar because I did mention to another reader that I could picture my I getting him to do this just to bug Phoenix because she's a sadist in that sense!

Considering Meekins has his irksome megaphone on his person at all times, I don't think he's in any condition to complain about anything being too loud… Perhaps an excellent revenge for Phoenix would be to steal the megaphone and blast Maya awake with it with something really annoying and hard on the ears maybe an emulation of Apollo's chords of steel as sweet revenge! :p

Considering all the years Phoenix has had the Steel Samurai as his ringtone I'm sure he might welcome the change of song… Or, considering he had obviously isn't technological savvy enough to know how to change it, would just _act_ like he did because we all know he is totally whipped by Maya and nobody claim that's not canon! XD

You're welcome for the earworms Señor Java! ;)

 **CT:** Unfortunately for Maya, Phoenix wouldn't be all that fazed if she changed his ringtone to that song after years of exposure to "The Steel Samurai".

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I am absolutely thrilled that this nod to the Power Rangers was so enjoyable for you and I think it's great that you had something to share with your sister! :)

I know that Shu Takumi is actually one of the writers for the anime which would explain why the original stories episodes are always so good! Maybe Franny melts my heart… Her trying to make Miles smile and dressing up that puppy just turned me into a puddle of goo… RIP Missle, you precious angel. All dogs go to heaven! 3

I found the character development of Von Karma very interesting and the fact that he was considering, despite having had Miles for three years at that point, sending him to an orphanage but reneged on that once he saw his prosecution skills in play. Does that mean he wasn't always planning on framing him for murder and thus sending him off to the gallows? What do you think?

Even though I have made Kay use her ninja skills as an Interpol Agent in my stories, I would easily accept her as being a detective because it's more hands on and she loves to play with toys and really get into the heart of the crime scene and the latter would still allow her to use Little Thief with gusto! Plus I'm sure she would love to work with her old pal Gummy! Who doesn't love that big lug?

I do get a kick out of the clueless ramblings of Udgey, but whenever he says something wonderful and deep regarding the law, it just shows what a fantastic and well-rounded character he is despite only being a bit part, which just goes to show the umpteenth reason we love these Ace Attorney characters!

About Pearl being able to slap Phoenix to the moon and back ever heard the phrase hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Even if in this case the woman was at her but her beloved cousin, operation team Phaya is obviously something she believes in with every fiber of her pint-size body! Poor Phoenix! LOL

My wish list of characters that I wish they would bring back are Gumshoe and Franziska, and from the Miles games, I would do anything to see Kay and Maya meet. Badd would just be the icing on the cake!

This is honest speculation and not wishful thinking because I hate Thalassa, but I wonder if they will bring Polly back – only to have his mommy killed somehow just to make it extra tragic once they are reunited? After all this is Ace Attorney where everybody has to be an orphan!

I do some interesting news… I don't know anything about the crossover/Miles games and quite frankly I would accept DGS in anime format even if we don't get a localization, but it does look of the going to animate the entire main Ace Attorney series because if you go to the IMDb page, you will see there would have cast a voice actor for Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes which shows they at least plan on going up to Dual Destinies which is really exciting! Now if they did do the Ace investigations series in the anime as well we lease with get to see the lovable great thief on our TV screens if not our video screens!

 **CT:** Out of all the episode of the anime I've seen so far, that one is hands down one of my favorites. For one thing, the episode starts off with Phoenix and Maya doing a commercial for the law firm which is as comedically cheap and references "The Steel Samurai" as I'd imagine one would be. Though my favorite part of the episode is that they had Manfred von Karma, dressed in his stuffy suit and cravat, going to a mall and eating at a place called "Pancake Café" because Franziska wanted to eat there. I could just picture Manfred, Franziska, and Edgeworth walking into the restaurant, only to be greeted by Blaise sitting at a table with a plate full of bacon who snidely mentions how the 'perfect' prosecutor finally thinks he's good enough for Pancake Café. Though I also loved how Manfred showed a trace of goodwill when he saved Edgeworth from that fat lady's wrath, as well as how Franziska dressed Pess up in a miniature version of Manfred's suit.

When it comes to Franziska, she has never truly hated Edgeworth. Sure, she may see her 'little' brother as a rival, but she doesn't bare any ill feelings towards him. Heck, one of the reasons why Franziska pushes herself so hard is because she's afraid that Edgeworth will just move on and forget all about her. Though if we ever do get an "Investigations" game starring Franziska, I would love to see how she interacts with Klavier and Simon. Though speaking of Simon, here's an evil idea for an "investigations" game: it stars him, and his investigation partner is Bucky. Sure, Bucky wouldn't be incredibly helpful in terms of figuring things out, but he'd more than make up for it by getting confrontational when people start to get difficult and giving us fans some catharsis. For example, "Turnabout Ablaze" would have been so much better if someone decked Alba and sent him flying across the room when he started getting stubborn.

When it comes to judges in the "Ace Attorney" series, you can't beat the original. Many other judges can try, but they'll always fall short since they all lack the charm of the Judge. However, Justine is a big exception to this since she actually takes an active part in investigations and doesn't let the prosecution or defense run the show under normal circumstances, unlike the Judge who's easier to push around than a leaf in a windstorm.

Regarding Pearl's strength, I believe that it comes from her devotion to the Phaya. After all, it only surfaces when she's working to get Phoenix and Maya together, like when she ran from Kurain to the courthouse like it was nothing in "Reunion and Turnabout" and whenever she slaps Phoenix silly when she thinks that he's cheating on Maya.

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** I'm never want to judge anybody's taste in fandoms, past or present, considering I'm still obsessed with retro fandoms – some which haven't aged well admittedly – even though they have crapped all over a lot of them to the point where I am in tears because I think the Stephen universe art style is a hideous representation for the formerly glorious artwork of Thundercats and She-Ra which they have taken a giant dump on! :(

Anywhore… Regarding your very eclectic suggestions, we'll see what we can do. Thank you so much for your kind words :-)

 **CT:** Don't worry about it; we were all cringy members of a fandom at some point in our lives. I would tell you about mine, but I prefer to keep those kinds of embarrassing things a secret until I project them onto a character when writing a story.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I never did see the Polar Express movie, but I would love to try to do something holiday themed, and when I looked up _When Christmas Comes To Town_ it was absolutely a beautiful song and we hope to do it justice! I do agree that the Fey family would be absolutely perfect for this! :-)

Although my partner's Christmas stories may not be traditional, they are always hilarious! Be sure to check out the depths of Manfred's Santa obsessed origins whenever you get a chance, milady. Always a pleasure to hear from you! :-)

 **CT:** We're more than happy to give your Christmas parody idea a shot. After all, it's not Christmas in the "Ace Attorney" universe unless Maya's being cheerful and Pearl's hanging up mistletoe all over the office… unless you've read my stories, in which Christmas isn't the same without Manfred gushing about Santa with a disturbing amount of zeal.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Much like my Miego fanfiction with Jove's Boy getting resurrected just in time to have Godot grace our screens in the anime, I do enjoy when things tend to line up timeline wise like this one did! I mean both were complete coincidences since I know nothing about Power Rangers be either way Go-Go Jordan Phoenix? XD

*cheek squish because you're too adorbs!*

 **CT:** Are you surprised? After all, JP is a Phaya shipper; and as we all know, Phaya shippers are rewarded for their dedication with incredible powers, such as amazing foresight, super strength, and super speed.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I find despite my lack of knowledge or interest in a fandom or movie, our readers tend to have an ear for really catchy and fun songs, and this was definitely no exception! I'm really happy to see how many readers enjoyed this parody even if they weren't already fans the fandom like me! Thank you for clarifying your request it's on the Miles long list! :)

 **CT:** True, SpongeBob has had a renaissance in terms of quality; but you can't deny that for many years the series was in the advanced darkness of rock-bottom. But I'm glad to see that the show is on the up rise and is getting better.

When it comes to the "Power Ranger" shows, I was never interested in them. Even when I was a young boy and was drawn to anything simply because it had a yellow character in it, the shows never really appealed to me because the villains didn't really feel all that unique to me. However, I can't deny that the shows have some pretty epic theme songs.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Bud, you're in the same boat as me when it comes to being unfamiliar with retro cheesy children shows with surprisingly catchy theme songs, but to be honest I found the music so enjoyable to the song that I actually downloaded the purely instrumental version so I complete my car and then sing on my own lyrics to the beat! If you have been watching the anime which I know you have been, the animators seem to be big Phoenix and Maya fans, when I think might be the closest we can get to actually having them happen! I'd like to think Nick's invertebrate status when it came to Maya started out with just try to cheer her up because they had both lost Mia whom they both loved, and despite costing the equivalent of a mortgage, burgers and other such small indulgences were small price to pay to cheer at the young girl that had lost so much of her life, but then it just graduated to the fact that he loves her and wants her a happy and is very traditional in Japanese culture to show your affection through actions not so much words (which means his gestures are probably no coincidence!) so he's basically been saying _I love you_ to her with his actions and thoughtfulness for the last three years! ;)

 **CT:** Sure, Edgeworth may be one of the biggest "Steel Samurai" dorks to ever exist, but he's also a high-ranking prosecutor who eventually becomes chief prosecutor. So with that in mind, while the other prosecutors may make fun of Edgeworth behind his back, they would never do so to his face out of fear of facing his wrath. After all, if Edgeworth's willing to cut his most loyal subordinate's pay to the point where the main is living in poverty, then imagine what he's willing to do to people who aren't so close to him- especially when said people have the audacity to insult his favorite show. Not to mention, Edgeworth has enforcers in the form of Franziska, who feels that only she's allowed to make fun of her 'little' brother and will whip anyone foolish enough to do so into a bloody pulp, and Ema, who will bury you in Snackoos if you even think anything negative about her dreamboat prosecutor god.

When it comes to Maya being able to manipulate Phoenix, it's a combination of friendship, her cute, energetic personality, and her ability to strong-arm him by threatening to call Pearl and having her beat him to within an inch of his life. If Pearl's willing to beat Phoenix until he's unconscious merely for talking to another girl, then imagine what she'd do to him if she discovered that he made her cousin cry.


	53. (One Final) Hurrah!

_JP: Dang video games have some SWEET tunes – this rocky edgy one reminds me of RWBY which has a wicked cool soundtrack! This video game homage goes out to gamer lover of the spiky hedgehog, my home boy/FF writer_ _ **TheFreelancerSeal**_ _and my requester pal,_ _ **Yanmegaman!**_ _The setting for this is for SOJ's final Turnabout Revolution case:_ _ **May 19, 2028, 9:28 am. High Court of Khura'in – Accused Lobby.  
**_ _While this isn't as hilarious as my funny AF partner's Sonic tribute, I hope y'all like it – a more somber parody with my usual itty bitty bit of shipping thrown in the mix to neautralize the seriousness of the song! :)_

 _CT: After I tackled the more cringe worthy aspects of the 'Sonic' franchise in "You Know by Me", my wonderful cowriter has decided to take on the series' more epic side- its catchy and blood-pumping songs. Sure, I may not be the biggest 'Sonic' fan out there, but even I can admit that SEGA does an excellent job creating rock songs that really energize you and get stuck in your head. But even if Phoenix and Apollo face difficulties, they can feel safe knowing that they have the real superpower of teamwork on their side._

* * *

 ** _"(One Final) Hurrah"_**  
 **Sung to the tune  
of the videogame theme  
"(One More Last) Fist Bump"  
from** ** _Sonic Forces_** **video game**

 _Like Datz said – they're_ _ **all**_ _counting on me. Yup, no pressure there, at all!_

The red attorney felt himself breaking into a cold sweat. Oh Holy Mother, just what had he gotten himself into?! There was more than just Dhurke's honor on the line here – his whole life was on the line! And even worse, he'd allowed his boss to risk his neck to the scaffold as well! Assuming they didn't execute Apollo first, Maya would send him on a one way ticket to hell herself for being responsible for the death of her not-so-secret boyfriend!

 _"The fate of the Revolution, and every Khura'inese rests on this trial!"_

Apollo felt his horns droop as the Defiant Dragon's closing words floated back to his ears. To make matters worse, if that were even possible, was the anxious way Athena was now staring at him, her heart in her beautiful tear-filled blue eyes, belying the need for any spoken words.

What if he never got the chance to tell her how much she meant to him? That he felt the exact, same way, too, and _always_ had – however depending on the fate of this case, their relationship could be drastically cut short – and _over_ before it even _began_?!

"The trial will begin shortly, Apollo," Phoenix smiled reassuringly, as though reading his mind. "Let's make our way into the courtroom."

"Right!"

Apollo tried to inject as much bravado in his voice as possible, then did his best to smile bravely as he returned the sniffling redhead's suffocating hug goodbye.

Meanwhile, the whimpering Maya threw all discretion to the wind and fervently kissed Phoenix right on the lips. The couple remained in a lingering embrace for several drawn-out moments before the yellow attorney gently took her arm and ushered them to towards the packed gallery area.

After their love interests were out of sight, the rattled spiky-fringed lad remained cemented on the spot.

"Apollo, you need to take a final, deep breath and pull yourself together. We can't delay this any longer." The spiky-haired man's large, strong hand fell onto the boy's rigid shoulder, trying to urge the unmoving lawyer into moving. "No time for cold feet now. It's show time."

Waves of panic washed over him despite the serene aura radiating from the older man.

 _Mr. Wright looks so calm – so trusting. He really believes I can get us out of this mess! But how can he seem so unruffled?!_ Apollo thought wildly. _He has so much to lose – even more than_ _ **I**_ _do if we lose this case. He has a_ _ **daughter**_ _he's raising,_ _ **a woman**_ _who loves him – heck he's even essentially a_ _ **foster father to Pearl**_ _, too. He has a_ _ **family**_ _. Yet he's willing to risk all that just to help his employee at the bench?! It isn't right! This isn't_ _ **his**_ _fight!_

Yet he also knew offering his mentor last chance to bow out at this eleventh hour would be for naught. The dogged, ever-determined Phoenix Wright _never_ backed away from precarious/life-or-death scenarios.

 _Or a friend in need._

"I know it's time, Mr. Wright!" Apollo swallowed hard. "Ultimately, I'm not as brave as you – I just can't stop my insides from quaking! All I know is there's no way out of this, just as surely as I know that there's…"

* * *

 _[Apollo]_  
No time to piss or moan  
High chance it'll all go wrong  
Need you to stand by me  
Cuz I'm so scared and jittery  
So – last shot for me and you  
Let's prove what we can do  
Won't know until we try  
I'll strive not to cry

* * *

 **[Phoenix]  
**  
Courts here are whack  
You and I may never come back  
Could end up dead  
It's a high-risk bet  
Fighting and appealing  
We can't stop believing  
We will make things better

* * *

 ** _[Apollo and Phoenix]  
_**  
Forever it'll be known it was me and you  
Right beside me as I've been for you  
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun  
No one else here that we can trust  
Suicide mission but it's a must  
Standing united, Justice and Wright  
Keep the faith, such is our decree **  
**When truth is found, we'll taste victory  
Defeat that fiend, The Thing That Should Not Be **  
**We may meet the Twilight Realm but one final hurrah!

* * *

 **[Phoenix]**

I know you have felt alone before  
Not this time, I'll help settle the score **  
**You fought for me when my hands were tied **  
**Returning the favor for you  
It is my great pride

* * *

 _[Apollo]_

Courts here are whack  
You and I may never come back  
Could end up dead  
It's a high-risk bet  
Fighting and appealing  
We can't stop believing  
We will make things better

* * *

 ** _[Apollo and Phoenix]  
_**  
Forever it'll be known it was me and you  
Right beside me as I've been for you  
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun  
No one else here that we can trust  
Suicide mission but it's a must  
Standing united, Justice and Wright  
Fight's begun!

* * *

 _[Instrumental]_

* * *

 ** _[Apollo and Phoenix]_**

It will be known it was me and you  
Right beside me as I've been for you  
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun  
No one else here that we can trust  
Suicide mission but it's a must  
Standing united, Justice and Wright

* * *

 _[Apollo]_  
Our friends will watch and pray  
We have set the stage  
And refuse to be impeded  
From being triumphant today

* * *

 ** _[Apollo and Phoenix]  
_**  
Keep the faith, such is our decree **  
**When truth is found, we'll taste victory  
Defeat that fiend, The Thing That Should Not Be **  
**We may meet the Twilight Realm but one final hurrah!

* * *

"You don't always win your battles, Apollo, but it's good to know you fought them because missed chances break your heart the most."

Phoenix was already extending his clenched fingers towards his protégé's for one last fist bump.

"Nevertheless, no matter how the chips fall today Apollo, I'll always stand by you, even when things are at their most dark. To encourage you, to help you when you get scared. To come right to the edge and see what's there. I'm with you, right up till the end."

"You are where you are because of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on you choose to be. I learned that because of _you_ , Mr. Wright, and it's helped make me who I am today. _You've_ helped make me the man I am today."

Apollo collided his own extended knuckles against those of his childhood idol.

"Together we are stronger, together we are unbroken, and together we can do _anything_! Look out Khura'in Courtroom – here comes Justice... _and_ Wright!"

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 51**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** considering Edgeworth's song undoubtedly was lamer than a three-legged horse, who can blame Maya for objecting to the I'm not using her theme song? He probably slipped a few hundred dollar notes along with his entry or used his formidable clout to cinch that victory – after all his character was akin to the evil magistrate in the first game and was even called the demon prosecutor! :p

The irony is not escaped me that Athena had one of the most kick ass soundtracks on the Spirit of Justice OST, yet they made her character regressed so much! I really loved Apollo's theme in game six as well and yet he was he was such a helpless Sissy – the boy can't swim _and_ he's acrophobic!? Like to the point where he needs to have a certain foxy redhead hold his hand at… I will give mad props if the whole thing was a brilliant façade just so Athena would start acting more nurturing/affectionate! XD

Maya wrapping herself around Phoenix like a tire with her entire leg while he posed no objections in the last episode of the anime is those Phaya loving animators at their finest! God bless him! Regarding your cards against humanity question, I think the person that would best give Blaise Debeste a run for his money is Damon Gant… He is very capable of acting normal jovial and even congenial and got away with his dirty deeds for the longest time before getting busted… And anyone that can make jest and turn a fun hobby like swimming into something terrifying like the equivalent of swimming and Jaws infested waters is obviously someone is not afraid to go to the dark side even if it's against a Pyro happy sociopath!

 **CT:** Considering that the title for Edgeworth's song is "Ho-Ho, Steel Samurai Ho!", I think it's safe to assume that it sucks more than an actual ho eating a lollipop. Not to mention, Edgeworth has always struggled when it comes to the arts if that origami incident is of any indication.

Regarding your Cards Against Humanity scenario, Blaise would be the winner hands down; not because he's my favorite villain in the series, but because he would be the least limited out of all the contestants. With Shelly and Dogen, they may be intelligent, but their line of work has left them with a limited sense of humor that doesn't really go past snide remarks, making it where their cards won't really stand out. If the Phantom was playing while wearing an Engarde mask, he would perfectly imitate every aspect of the actor's personality. With this in mind, the Phantom would be terrified at the possibility of Shelly trying to kill him, thereby causing him to lose horribly if he doesn't flee the area before it even starts. Likewise, Simon would be way off his game on account of his immense hatred for Blaise clouding his thoughts and his sense of humor with sheer anger- a weakness that Blaise wouldn't hesitate to exploit. And as for Kristoph, his chances of winning would be slim to none since he's the kind of guy who always gets the useless cards and/or uses a card that would have been perfect in the current round last turn. Out of all of the people you suggested, the person who would pose the biggest threat to Blaise would be Gant since both men are about on par when it comes to strategy and sense of humor- granted, Gant's a bit cleaner than Blaise. However, when Gant plays games, I see him as being the type of guy who doesn't care about winning and just wants to have fun. That's why Gant would focus less on the strategic aspect of the game- trying to make jokes with the cards that try to resonate with the judge's sense of humor, saving really absurd/comedic cards for emergencies, etc.- and more about using funny cards as soon as he gets them just so he can have fun.

 **Chapter 52**

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** I'm glad you really enjoyed the parody. While I had the idea of Sebastian creating a Sonic OC the second we received the suggestion, I was originally planning on having it where it would be based off Edgeworth. However, that all changed when I went into a website that generates random Sonic OCs and the first name that I got was Jailrush the Pigeon. At that moment, I knew that Simon would be the perfect character to feature in the parody alongside Sebastian. Plus, it gave me an excuse to write something that explores my headcanon of Sebastian's one-sided friendship with Simon. Sure, we have never seen the two of them interact in canon, but based on their personalities, I've always pictured them as having a dynamic similar to that of SpongeBob and Squidward.

 **JP:** Christmas is a magical time of the year and my partner and I have already begun taking a crack at holiday-themed parodies as we speak! Also, if you're an avid fan of Sonic The Hedgehog, I do hope you enjoyed my own homage to certain other spiky-haired video game character, milady. Also kudos on your Christmas story you almost made me _like_ the putrid Melsa! :-)

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** Well, if you liked this parody, then you're going to love the other video game song parodies that JP and I have been working on.

When I saw Sebastian's smug grin for the first time in "Investigations 2", the first thought that came to my mind was that he had at least one Sonic OC when he was younger. I can just picture an 11-year-old Sebastian creating OC after OC by taking pictures off of the internet and recoloring them before printing them out and showing them to Blaise, who would be reduced to tears before quickly recovering and burning each and every picture to ashes with his lighter.

 **JP:** I know we started out doing mostly Disney, but truly, the sky is the limit with these parodies and while Capcom is always been known for doing fantastic songs I am blown away by how many incredible video games songs with lyrics are out there! I am a huge rock music fan so that catchy rock beat of the Sonic games series song that was requested here, along with the previous Power Rangers has been a blast! As for Simon… He is the bird man of Japalifornia! I thought it was pretty fitting myself :-)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** The way I see it, Sebastian is the kind of fan who idolizes the games to the point where he refuses to acknowledge that they have any flaws whatsoever, no matter how glaringly obvious or game breaking they are, and believes that people who point them out are just haters. The stages in "Sonic Heroes" being incredibly long and are made worse by the fact that you have to play through them a minimum of four times if you want to fight the true final boss? No issue. The infamous Silver glitch in "Sonic 06"? No issue. "Shadow the Hedgehog" in general? No damn issue *gunshot*.

 **JP:** I still cannot believe Phoenix didn't make the cut for the latest smash game! The man is an unbreakable and unstoppable Wolverine – how much more badass do you get?! I call shenanigans! As for Sonic, I remember playing the games as a kid on my older siblings' Sega system but obviously he's come a long way since then… I had no idea his soundtracks were so sweet! Also, I fully support your headcanon about Damien Tenma… I'm pretty sure the whole Nine-Tails name was no coincidence… After all, they even made a _Twilight_ reference – and we know how much Capcom loves making pop-culture references – the Butz's exes include Katty Tom and Keyance! :p

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** A Sonic OC without recoloring… It's like Bigfoot- you hear legends of it existing, yet no one has ever really seen it.

 **JP:** music is a crazy thing isn't it sometimes even some of the more cringe-worthy fandoms like Power Rangers, in this case, one of the more retro ones like Sonic can have some serious kick-ass music! I don't know if he actually knows how to draw but if he actually do get around to sketching Sonic OCs for the AA cast make sure you emailed them to me, pal! :)

 **Yanmegaman**

 **CT:** No matter how badly Simon would want to end his misery while listening to Sebastian butcher a classic "Sonic Adventures" song, his sense of duty is too strong to allow him to do so. After all, if Simon dies, who'll be there to help Athena when she's floundering in court? Not to mention, it would probably be very awkward when Simon meets Metis in the afterlife and he has to tell her how he met his end.

 **JP:** Whether you love him or hate him, Simon _is_ pretty damn badass – so no way would he survive seven years in prison only to make a dork with a kazoo (seriously supporting this headcanon!)

If anything, he could _accidentally on purpose_ miss next time he throws his infamous shuriken in the irksome greenhorn prosecutor's general direction… Or use his psychological mind-bending skills to make Sebastian want to take life into his own hands rather than deal with the wrath of the irritated Twisted Samurai! So glad you liked your request, pal!

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** When it comes to "Recipe for Turnabout", my guess is that they're trying to make us realize that there was more to Victor's interest for the Tres Bien waitresses than just their straps. As for Tigre, I'm a bit sad that they made him look more like an actual human and less like the love child of the Hulk and Chester Cheeto. Sure, it may make things look more realistic, but it also makes him look so much weaker. When I see Tigre in the game, I legitimately believe that he could kill an army of people with his bare hands and feel that Maya and the Judge's fear of him is justified. However, in the anime, it looks like he could be overpowered by a single bailiff with a nightstick; which will make me lose a point or two of respect for the Judge if he's actually terrified of his death threats when Tigre takes his role as a witness.

The way I see it, the reason why Manfred didn't formulate his masterplan to strike down Edgeworth from the get-go was that his lack of creativity and imagination makes that kind of scheming a challenge for him. Don't get me wrong, Manfred is a genius when it comes to stacking evidence and witnesses in his favor, but that's because that kind of planning is purely logical. However, when there are unknowns and unpredictability, that's when Manfred falters. For example, when planning to frame Edgeworth for Robert Hammond's murder, Manfred didn't anticipate the possibility that Yanni wouldn't have burned the letter. Sure, Manfred did end up recovering and effectively disposing of it, but that's only because Phoenix was still suffering from the bad habit of confronting people with incriminating evidence. If Phoenix had reported the letter to Gumshoe or, worse yet, the police discovered the letter when searching the area for clues, Manfred's plan would have failed within seconds. Heck, the only murder we've seen Manfred commit in canon wasn't accomplished by planning, but by pure luck.

So with that in mind, I'm not surprised that Manfred was originally clueless as to what to do with Edgeworth and didn't have any revenge plans lined up. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Manfred's original plan was merely to raise Edgeworth and make him a perfect von Karma prosecutor, thereby destroying Gregory's legacy while proving the superiority of his own. Though as for how that plan evolved into having Edgeworth take the fall for both DL-6 and Hammond's murder, I think that was the result of years of scheming.

When I was watching "Sound the Turnabout Melody", I couldn't help but laugh at how Manfred and Franziska came to Edgeworth's aid when he was on the verge of being attacked by that cow lady; mostly because that is the nicest thing we've ever seen Manfred do. On second thought, that's actually the second-nicest thing Manfred has ever done. The actual nicest thing Manfred ever did was taking the time during an argument with Gregory to boast about how his wife, despite being an amateur cook, was more skilled than most experts.

While Thalassa getting murdered would be sad, especially seeing Apollo and Trucy react when learning how they lost their mother, I don't think that it would be so tragic as to make people cry. Sure, it would have some similarities to Misty's death, but there would be some differences that would considerably soften the blow. For one thing, when Misty disappeared, Mia and Maya were left with no family, with the exception being their embittered aunt. On top of that, their family's reputation was ruined, prompting Mia to become a defense attorney to get justice, which in turn thrust the immense pressure and responsibilities of Master of Kurain onto Maya's shoulders from a young age. So with that in mind, Misty plays a very large indirect role in the original trilogy story arc. In contrast to this, Apollo and Trucy were lucky enough to have some form of parental presence in the form of Dhurke and Phoenix, respectively; thereby lessening the void created by Thalassa's absence. Therefore, while Apollo and Trucy would be rightfully upset at the fact that Phoenix didn't tell them about their mother, they wouldn't be outright devastated. I don't know about Apollo, but at the very least, Trucy would probably react to Thalassa's death in a similar way to Zak's- feeling a bit of sorrow, but not letting herself be overcome by it.

Another difference between Misty and Thalassa is how they were as mothers. We were able to mourn Misty's death because even though she wasn't there for her daughters for almost 20 years, she died trying to protect Maya from Dahlia. Thalassa, on the other hand, doesn't even want to be a mother because she's too scared to even talk to her children. Granted, Thalassa had retrograde amnesia and couldn't remember that she even had children for quite some time, but after she regains her memories, she refuses to see her children on account of her believing that the time "isn't right" and that they would be angry at her for abandoning them. Yes, because Apollo's going to be so angry that Thalassa couldn't search for him since he was in the same burning building that his father and the Queen of Khura'in supposedly died in and the entire country was thrust into chaos, and Trucy will be furious that her mother had the audacity to be shot during a magic trick and shipped off to a foreign country by her grandfather where she was left without even her name. If anything, Apollo and Trucy will be angry at the fact that Thalassa claims that she's their mother despite the fact that she doesn't ever try to be a mother.

 **JP:** it's really exciting to hear you made an AA fan convert out there! New headcanon Maggey and Gumshoe have adorable children and Detective/Aunty-Kay is always happy to babysit them but teaches naughty ninja tricks like how to swipe Daddy's wallet when nobody is looking! :p

I'm going to attribute the fact that the burnt walking carrot looks more human due to the improved quality of the season two anime animation but then again they've also done some great character development… So go figure? I think it's hilarious that even the Japanese version his wannabe Brooklyn accent still is apparent! As for that heart… Even if it was the jiggling creampuff blowing it (I found his on-screen presence hilarious!) in Phoenix's direction at least it landed to surround both Nick and Maya the way it should always have been intended IMO!

The origins of Manfred's bloodlust against Miles have been greatly altered in the anime since it seems like he is simply going to get the boy up for adoption and not from him for murder? I agree it would make another great episode if they ever expanded on it. It would be a real treat to see and do another original episode!

I do agree that I share my partner's sentiments about Mommy dearest dying would not be the worst thing ever… I was more heartbroken over Dhurke having only met him in one game then I would be this woman who can join the ranks of Queen Amara in the cowardice department although I suppose you could give the former the benefit of the doubt that she was afraid what her crazy sister might do to her children if she ever try to come forward plus the country was in a state of turmoil and was very dangerous, whereas Thalassa… Just sucks. Her son almost got blown up in her daughter was arrested for murder… Thank God for Phoenix on both counts as their father figure because no matter how old you are I'm pretty sure those are two really good circumstances when a kid would always need to their mother!

I am really stoked about them creating animes for all the video games… Athena is a great character I really hope she never gets regressed to becoming the female Voldemort a.k.a. _she who must not be named_ like Phoenix did in the Miles games! Right now the only have the Japanese VA cast it would be awesome to have Wendy Lee be Athena again in the dub but pretty sure they can't afford her!

Always a pleasure to hear from you, dear reader. Hope you liked this second Sonic tribute, too!

Cheers,

JP


	54. Pink Princess

_CT: Since my wonderful cowriter tackled the concept of a new theme song for "The Steel Samurai" with her rocking "Yo, Yo Neo Olde Tokyo" parody, I've decided to follow-up on it with my take on a new "Pink Princess" theme song. Not to mention, I couldn't resist the urge to have Simon show the world just how big an otaku he is. Sure, Simon can keep it somewhat contained in the courtroom, but I can picture him being a huge anime fan in his personal time who probably has an Excel spreadsheet categorizing potential waifus- ranging from god-tier to trash-tier- and has anime merchandise in every nook and cranny in his home and office._

 _JP: Here we are, with the last song for Non-Disney November! Didn't expect that to be such a hit, but we still had loads more not-Team Rodent tunes in the mix coming up, so don't worry, we will not be pigeon-holed!_

 _Also,_ _I wasn't expecting a sequel to Maya's "Yo-Yo Neo Olde Tokyo" but this just shows what great synergy funnyman CT and I have, despite our vastly different writing styles! I know you guys will get just a big a laugh as I did by the punchline! ;)  
Dedicated to all Sailor Moon fans everywhere!_

* * *

 ** _"Pink Princess"  
_** **Sung to the tune  
of the  
** ** _Sailor Moon_** **  
TV show theme**

It was Saturday at one in the afternoon, a time that Maya would typically look forward to every week since that was when they'd air new episodes of the recently rebooted _"The Pink Princess: Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo_ ". However, unlike other weeks where Phoenix couldn't pry his bubbly assistant away from the television to save his life, the spiky-haired attorney actually had to literally drag the petite spirit medium to the couch- a task made especially hard by the fact that she was pressing her feet against the ground as hard as she could.

"Come on, Maya, don't be like this. You like the Pink Princess." Phoenix pleaded, only to be met with the ebony-haired girl's icy glare.

"The Pink Princess is dead to me, Nick!" Maya huffed with crossed arms. "The only action hero I know is the Steel Samurai!"

"Look, Maya, I know you're still a bit upset about losing that theme song contest last week, but you've got to move on." Phoenix calmly stated as he gently put his hand on his assistant's shoulder. "It's one thing when you keep your anger to yourself, but it's another thing when you start scaring away potential clients by asking them things like, 'Why do we form friendships, only to be betrayed?'"

"You don't understand, Nick! It was one thing when Edgeworth won that "Steel Samurai" song contest last month, but I am the Pink Princess! Without me, that show wouldn't even exist! But how do they repay me? Instead of choosing my idea which is filled with action, and electric guitars, and people singing 'yo' over and over, they give the Pink Princess this girly song that makes her look like some girly girl who does girly things!" Maya yelled as she puffed out her reddened cheeks.

"Maya, that's how the Pink Princess has always been."

"She is not, Nick!"

"What show have you been watching? When she's not in her Pink Princess persona, Aiko is a college student who's studying to be a vet and has a deep love for cute, fluffy animals and fashion. Heck, I remember all of those filler episodes that you made me watch in the original series where Aiko would engage in some kind of fashion trend to impress her crush…" Phoenix cocked his head to the side for a few seconds in an attempt to recall the name, only to come up with nothing. "Ok, I can't remember his name, but that really short, angry guy who always wore a suit for some strange reason."

"I don't care, Nick! That new theme song is not my Pink Princess and I refuse to watch it!" Maya pouted with crossed arms.

"Just give it another chance. Who knows, maybe it'll grow on you after you give it another listen." Phoenix optimistically stated as he turned on the television, the screen glowing pink as the new "Pink Princess" theme song started playing.

* * *

Fighting under the full moon,  
Falling in love at high noon,  
Doesn't ever give up very soon,  
She is known as the Pink Princess.

* * *

She will always fight to save the city,  
Calling on friends when things get tricky,  
They aren't afraid to get dirty,  
She is known as the Piiink…

* * *

Pink Baroness,  
Pink Countess,  
Pink Marchioness,  
Pink Duchess.

* * *

Blessed with skills,  
That are a real thrill,  
She is known as the Pink Princess.

* * *

 _Footage of the Pink Princess fighting various villains was shown as the music continued to play before the lyrics started up again._

* * *

Fighting under the full moon,  
Falling in love at high noon,  
With the Pink Nobles she won't lose soon,  
She is known as the Pink Princess.  
She is known as the Pink Princess.  
She is known as… Pink Princess!

* * *

"I still hate it, Nick!" Maya fumed with clenched fists. "I can't believe that they chose _this_ lame theme song over _mine_!"

" _That's_ what you can't believe?" Phoenix chimed in with a surprised look on his face as the episode started. "Personally, _I'm_ more surprised by the fact that _Prosecutor Blackquill_ was the one who submitted it!"

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 52**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't worry. When I was writing the parody, my primary goal was to depict Sebastian as one of those "Sonic the Hedgehog" fans who are so  
cringe-worthythat they make you feel embarrassed that you've even played one of the games.

When it comes to my headcanon of Sebastian interacting with Simon, I always picture the latter seriously contemplating riding the world of the former whenever that little git opens his mouth. However, Simon stops himself on the grounds that killing Sebastian isn't worth it. But then again, if Simon did go to jail for killing Sebastian, Blaise would repay the favor by using his connections so that the Twisted Samurai could live a life of luxury behind bars.

 **JP:** Much like April May, some things in life are a sure thing, bud. Your reviews always being worth the wait is one of them! :p

I don't know much about Sonic anymore – I used to play my older sib's Sega system for the original games, but other than that I have no idea what happened any time after when it went to the other consoles. But they do have some memorable music, cringe-worthy or catchy – your call!

Yeah, in the case of Sebastian, looks aren't deceiving. He _is_ a major dork and idjit in every sense, (that unfortunate bowl cut doesn't help, I know!) but it's actually a tragic case where his abusive megalomaniac father, Blaise, may have been worse than Manfred – purposely kept his son an ignoramus and never corrected his mistakes/speech so he'd stay dumb and not get in his way of his bloodthirsty quest for power, yet called his son an idiot, behind his back _and_ to his face, every chance he got!

I was given Simon mad props on his restraint as well – I've seen his toss that ninja star for a lot less provocation! Although if he'd murdered Sebastian while the corrupt Blaise was Chief Prosecutor, no doubt the heartless bastard would have let the Twisted Samurai off with a warning and merely told him "just don't do it again!" XD

Always glad to give one of my fave and loyal readers a laugh!

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** Don't I know it. Heck, when I was writing the parody, one of the things I did to help inspire myself was the classic experiment of typing your first name into google followed by "the Hedgehog" and see what comes up. And let me tell you, no matter what your name is, the search results will always cause you to die a little on the inside.

Knowing Sebastian, he would seem like the kind of person who would embrace the My Little Pony franchise and become a brony- not the forceful kind that act like "Friendship is Magic" is this godlike show that is perfect and must be worshiped, but the kind who simply enjoys it for its cheerful tone and bright colors. However, after a childhood of abuse from Blaise who probably made it one of his life's missions to make sure that his son played with boy toys and watched boy shows, Sebastian would be terrified at the thought of even talking to people who like "Friendship is Magic".

Regarding the "Undertale" and FNAF fandoms, I haven't finalized how I will depict Sebastian's reaction to the former- I once wrote a fanfic about it that I posted somewhere else, but after coming back to it, I've decided to drastically alter it when I upload it as a part of "Turnabouts from Beyond the Courtroom"- but as for the latter, I feel that he would be very much against it because it would give him nightmares… along with some external injuries that are indirect results of others' fears.

 **JP:** _Dios Mio…._ Sebastian as a Brony is a harrowing image I will never get out of my head now! Here probably confuse it with being a furry and get his ass kicked by Wocky Kitaki who would undoubtedly be president of his own fuzzy island of misfit toys! Truth be told, Sebastian is immune to _a lot of things_ … Common sense, sarcasm, danger or hazardous objects of ahead… Stop signs… XD

 _El gusto es mio, amigo!_

 **Chapter 53**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** I'm very happy you enjoyed this parody which was definitely outside my comfort zone! Video games make slammin soundtracks who would've ever thunk it?

# 3 you say? Which characters are number one into Apollo is your third? While I don't love Apollo the same way I do Phoenix, I will admit he does have very interesting character development, even if they did wreck on his entire backstory in Spirit of Justice! That game did make me think that Athena has a crush on him so I'd like to think she and Juniper would both send care packages although Juniper's would undoubtedly be scarves with little magnetometers all over them and Athena's would probably be funny email forwards or sexy striptease Skype chat… Sorry that was my inner JusticeCykes creeping in there! :p

 **CT:** After reading that comment about Juniper trying to contact Apollo in Khura'in, I can't help but picture Dhurke coming back as a ghost and advising Apollo about dating not unlike how Obi-wan would guide Luke. But then again, Dhurke's an Apollo x Trucy shipper, so there's a chance that he won't be helping his son with the ladies unless the girl in question is a magician.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn!

I can see Simon and Miles getting into heavy debates about who is a bigger/more worthy Steel Samurai otaku – Edgy cuz he owns the entire series/every bit of merchandise ever made, or Blackquill, since he literally _is_ a samurai! Would make for one funny AF one-shot! :p

I have a head canon that Nick sees Polly as the son he never had and that Apollo sees him as a father figure, too. I read a one-shot where he slipped up and called Phoenix "dad" and he didn't mind at all, although the loudmouth attorney was as red as his suit from it! As for the Greek God duo, I am an ardent JusticeCykes shipper, (except where I made them married parents of a baby named Dionysus, since too much wine was the reason Dion was conceived, in **_Double DILF Doodies_**!) I just haven't had the chance to write them much in my stories! While they weren't as blatant as Phaya (IMO) in SOJ, Big Red wanting to see the tattoo on his butt, literally holding his hand to get him through his acrophobia, and then frantically asking, not without visible desperation, that a friendly, fetching detective was Polly's cousin, I think at the very least, Athena has a crush on Apollo. It definitely gives me something to work with!

Glad you liked my latest "aw" inducer, funny girl. Always a pleasure! :)

 **CT:** You forgot to mention that Simon's probably also the kind of guy who owns at least one body pillow. I can easily picture Simon snuggling with a body pillow of Sailor Star Healer or Peko Pekoyama on a cold night. Though in Simon's defense, as a diehard otaku, it would be torture to have to work on a daily basis with a person who doesn't get the joke and legitimately believes that shows like "Cory in the House" and "Seinfeld" are actual animes.

With how Phoenix essentially adopts every orphan that crosses his path- I don't care if he's not legally Apollo and Athena's guardian, they are his lawyer babies who he loves almost as much as Trucy- I'm surprised that he hasn't tried to adopt Edgeworth at this point.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I do agree that the Bloodthirsty Spider wasn't nearly as scary as some of her villainous predecessors in Ace Attorney world, possibly because of her distracting cleavage, but it was kinda refreshing to see the main villain be a female for the first time in a long time, and also there was the knowledge of sweet satisfaction that she was committing these dastardly deeds in a no-nonsense country which undoubtedly would have made her look like part of the collection of Henry VIII's wives as penance for her sins… Off with her head!

The power of friendship is key to balance out the power of friendship let's not forget Phoenix's other belief based on Turnabout Time Traveler… The power of love! Whether you choose to see the love between these characters as platonic or romantic, they really do seem to love and care about each other possibly more than some blood family members. I have no doubt Phoenix loves Apollo just as much as a father would love his own flesh and blood son, which is probably one of the reasons he was so willing to literally risk his neck for him in the final case… It wasn't just a mentor but pure paternal instinct!

High praise indeed dear reader, to be thought that my humble little parody could be worthy of one of the greatest musical fan remakes ever done for this fandom! Thankyouverymuch! I am absolutely obsessed with the _Phoenix Wright Musical_ and thought it was even better than _Turnabout Musical_ , the former apparently took five years in the making so it was no easy task, but I remember it songs much more than the latter must specifically "Wright Is Wrong!"

 **CT:** Don't forget the power of friendship. Next to bluffing and epic music, the power of friendship has always been a key factor in winning final cases- Maya taking a hit from a stun gun to secure the winning piece of evidence in "Turnabout Goodbyes"; Edgeworth trying to help Phoenix save Maya during Engarde's trial in "Farewell, My Turnabout"; Edgeworth taking Phoenix's place at the defense's bench in "Bridge to the Turnabout"; and let's not forget the triple objection that brought down the Phantom in "Turnabout Tomorrow".

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I will be looking out for that email sweet boy! Always a pleasure to hear from you, so I'm very happy we've had inspiring any part in expiring that wonderful creative mind of yours!

 **CT:** I'm glad to know that we helped inspire you.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** I could totally see Athena getting Klavier to irritate the hell out of Simon and getting justice by having him play this in the background! Hee!  
Did I give you an ear worm, Señor Java? All I can say to you is… _Gern Geschehen_! Or would you prefer _de nada_? ;)

As for your request, consider it done!

 **CT:** Though before Simon uses his shuriken on Sebastian, he'll first use them on his ears so he doesn't have to listen to anymore of his coworker's idiotic songs.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Milady, having had a sneak peek at my copilot's first Christmas parody, definitely not traditional but it's definitely filled with his renowned brand of humor! Although speaking of the fop as part of the animal kingdom I recently saw someone draw him as a My Little Pony character with the huge blingy G chain and signature purple colour! And it's a pleasure to hear from dear loyal reader and fluffy socks writer, and I look forward to seeing more of your trademark fluffiness! :)

 **CT:** Though going off of that logic, that would make Klavier Big the Cat. Oh my gosh, now I'm picturing Klavier running around L.A. yelling "Fraulein Detective, where are you!?" and trying to fish Ema out of large bodies of water by using Snackoos as bait.

 **Yanmegaman**

 **JP:** Although it is never my intention to put my readers through more ups and downs fan a steel double loop a mechanism similar to Six Flags. I suppose that is a side effect when you have a writer who is _ad nauseam_ , hearts and flowers and rainbows (guilty as charged!) compared to her copilot, who is more about comically twisted tales from the dark side! I'm really happy you enjoyed your request pal! I helped inspired CT's sequel here! :)

 **CT:** Well, that's a big advantage of working with a writer who specializes in material that's similar, yet at the same time drastically different, from your own. If I was working on this fanfic alone, there would be far fewer cheerful, fluffy parodies; and while I can't speak for JP on the matter, there probably wouldn't be as many villain/darker parodies if I wasn't here.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** About Sonic, I played it as a kid on the original Sega system that used to belong to my older siblings, but I know nothing about the game since those days. What's mind blowing is how amazing the tunage is considering it's not even Capcom which love him or hate that Ms. renowned for its videogame music!

The courageous Phoenix has not slowed down with age, despite acquiring a more restrained temperament and wisdom, and I think will _always_ be an _act first, think later_ kind of character – much to Miles's dismay since he's the one who usually has to bail him out on the messes he gets into! – since he took off within the blink of an eye across the planet because he thought Maya was in trouble! So the fact that he was willing to risk his neck for his protégé wasn't a surprise although my personal head canon is that he was finally repaying the boy back for his part in helping regain his badge, hence the song! I really do think Japalifornia's own Wolverine/Superman shares the same superhero valiant virtue of justice - no good deed goes unrewarded! – hence Nick repaying any act of kindness bestowed unto him. I can relate to that, too. Do you have any idea how many people to whom I have offered my undying pledges of love/my blood should they ever need it/my firstborn child to just for doing fan arts/translations/any sort of homage to my fanfictions? :p

I _did_ make Maya threaten Franziska with channeling Bruce Li in **Turnabout Everlasting** if she didn't behave, so she certainly could channel someone to open up a can of whup-ass on Apollo if he was the cause of Phoenix losing his head, however I can't disagree with my copilot that even if she had channeled either the Dragon or the late, great Mohammed Ali to do her dirty work, my money would still be on Pearl to have the ultimate deathblow over both of legends… After all, she _did_ cause the unbreakable Phoenix Wright to become unconscious with her Fey fists of fury in the anime – poor Apollo would be like a fart in a hurricane compared to that! XD

 **CT:** In regards to "Turnabout Revolution", it would be jarring to see Phoenix not be Apollo's co-counsel since he's not one to turn a blind eye when it comes to helping uncover the truth. Sure, Phoenix would have been ensuring that he'd be there for Trucy by not taking the case. However, if Apollo lost the case and died for it, then Phoenix wouldn't have been able to live with himself knowing that he could have saved his protégé if he had only been a bit more courageous. As for Apollo, while he may have been a little cold towards Dhurke when they first reunited, he's not the kind of guy who would leave his foster father for dead- especially not after the man recently saved him from drowning.

Why would Maya have to waste her energy channeling someone to beat Apollo up when she can simply have her Kryptonian cousin do it for her? Better yet, why did Phoenix go through the trouble of helping Atishon when Inga kidnapped Maya when he could have just flown Pearl over to Khura'in and had her raze the kingdom with her slaps of fury? Sure, Inga and Ga'ran both commanded armies of highly skilled and heavily armed people who were as brutal as they were loyal, but no force on this planet could ever hope to compete against a Phaya shipper who can dish out 2.5 Franziska's of power with each slap.

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **JP:** _Querido lector, por favor, no te sientas forzado a dejar una review en inglés si en español te resulta más sencillo, aunque entiendo bien lo que dices - tengo un par de maravillosos amigos que al igual que tú son hispanohablantes y me ayudarán siempre a entender :)_

That being said… I wish I had the tech skills to turn this into a music video or have some awesome singer dub the song with my lyrics! I was very proud of this parody as well – it was really outside my normal comfort zone both in type of song and the somewhat dark matter surrounding it – and it's very touching that you would actually think this one to be the best out of the many fan favorites me and my partner have done! _Muchas gracias!_ As for _why_ you enjoyed this song out of the lot the most, torn between either your love of Sonic or being pure shipping trash like I am, I say… _Why not both?_ ;)  
As for a Persona song, I am not familiar with any then but will definitely see what we can do!

 **CT:** I agree with you. "Sonic" games are a unique case where they take themselves so seriously that they actually end up coming off as incredibly cartoony and humorous, with "Shadow the Hedgehog" being a prime example for obvious reasons.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I cannot remember the name of the talking Moo-Cow for the life of me!

What I find most hilarious about the man tiger in the anime is how they still manage to give him an obnoxious Brooklyn/Bronx vie even in the Japanese translated subtitles! But considering he's the more like the cowardly lion then the actual largest cat in the jungle underneath all his attempted roar and bullying, I prefer to think of Tigre as having no superpowers whatsoever, so any lightning powers he had would probably just fry _himself_ (keeping in mind that this is the same idiot who shot himself in the foot with his final self-incriminating testimony!) and allow us to make a lovely tiger rug out of him should that ever occur -whenever he gets dirty we can just take him out and beat him! :p

I do like how they tried to give Manfred some depth not necessarily making him more likable but definitely not just a one-dimensional character hell-bent on revenge since he did seem to waver and what his plan fates for Miles would be at one point.

I've always drawing a parallel between Amara and Iris when it comes to being played the fool for the sake of sisterly love/being walking doormats although considering Iris did not have children, I still hate Her Mercifulness slightly more for all the reasons my copilot got into. Talk about your lack of maternal instinct! And I do blame her _my poop don't smell,_ holier than thou attitude for being the reason that prosecutor flutter such a sanctimonious putrid poo-face! His little sister thank goodness seems to take after her incredible Daddy Dragon both in appearance and in heart as she had some great character development towards the end of the game!

I couldn't possibly put Misty into the same breath as Amara – having some understanding of Japanese culture, I do understand just how deeply devastating the whole dishonour thing is when it comes to family, and ultimately she did make the ultimate maternal sacrifice in dying for her daughter while protecting her, whereas the queen faked her own death and stood by watching her children suffer under the thumb of Her Malevolence because she was too much of a wuss to do anything about it! Grrrr….. I was actually disappointed that gunshot didn't do its job but since I do like Rayfa, I guess it would've been too cruel to have her lose both her parents at such a young age. But still, bah.

As far as I'm concerned Thalassa is the worst of the worst. She has no threat to her children happening except for the curveballs that life throws at them, which she should have been there four and is only trapped by her own cowardice, which is therefore inexcusable. I think Apollo might be angry at first but then just going to being comfortably numb because he is so used to everyone around him sucking harder than a Hoover, while Trucy might embrace having a mommy again… Although in a perfect world she would find out who her birthmother was after Phoenix married Maya and then she wouldn't care as much anymore about who her biological parent is because Maya has been there for the last 7-8 years of her life! Hey that would be better than even killing her off having her kids know who she is not getting a shit?! What you think?

 **CT:** The way I see it, one of Manfred's greatest weaknesses was his own pride. If he didn't enact his convoluted plan to have Edgeworth framed for murder for the sake of his 'perfect' revenge, the statute of limitations for DL-6 would run out and he'd be home free. Sure, Edgeworth could have very well attempted to turn himself in for DL-6, but chances are that the police wouldn't accept it on the grounds that he wouldn't have intentionally tried to murder his father and is merely admitting to the crime out of survivor's guilt. And even if Edgeworth was arrested for the crime, Manfred could have distanced himself from the case and allowed another prosecutor to take the lead, which would probably result in a verdict of justified self-defense since Phoenix wouldn't have known about Manfred's vacation; therefore, being unable to connect the dots linking Manfred to the crime. But whether or not Edgeworth was arrested, Manfred would have been free and still had his perfect record.

If Trucy discovered that Thalassa was her mother after finding out that she was killed, she would definitely be furious with Phoenix- not because her daddy kept the identity of her mother hidden, but because he didn't marry Thalassa and didn't become Super Mega Ultra Omega Daddy Supreme. Though what would make things perfect would be if while Trucy's ripping Phoenix a new one, Apollo just has that disheartened look on his face as he shakes his head without saying a single word, having been completely desensitized to this sort of thing at this point in his life.

In a sense, we first got some real character development from Manfred in "Turnabout Reminiscent" when he showed a bit of pride in Edgeworth by actually coming to watch what was supposed to be his protégé's first trial- a privilege that not even Franziska, Manfred's own daughter who became a prosecutor at 13, was guaranteed- and gave his own unique form of encouragement in the form of believing that Edgeworth had the potential to prosecute a case perfectly. In addition, it was the first time where we saw Manfred's stance on the law- essentially, it's not wrong if you're not caught.

As for parents, I would have to say that Thalassa and Amara are arguably the worst parents in the series. I've already gone into depth about the former, but the latter is no better since she was willing to just sit back while Ga'ran abused/blackmailed her children for numerous years because she didn't want to upset her sister. And to add insult to injury, when Amara reveals that she's not dead, she acts like she's flawless and has done no wrong. Sure, Blaise was a horrible, sadistic father who felt nothing but hatred for his son, but at least he was honest about it. And as far as Rayfa's concerned, Ga'ran may have been a horrible mom who constantly beat her down, but at least she was lucky enough to have an adoptive father who legitimately loved her. Granted, Inga was no saint, but you can't deny that Rayfa truly loved and admired him; as well as how he truly cared for his daughter, as seen by how he kept that note that she wrote him in his secret safe for six years, in addition to making the password to said safe her birthday.


	55. Your Wedding Day

_JP: For_ _ **PurpleHoodedAngel**_ _and_ _ **Chloemcg**_ _. Milady, I know you requested this for Miego, but I thought of the only canon nuptials we've seen in the series, with SOJ's Ellen Wyatt and Sorin Sprocket, and thought these hard luck newlyweds deserved some romance after all they endured! I picture them cheek to cheek, dancing under the stars on that magical blimp at their wedding reception while the band serenades them. Plus, I have something equally romantic planned for AA's sexiest duo! Hope you guys enjoy our return to Disney now with the joyous holiday season upon us – it's a time for music bearing Christmas themes and magical romance galore! :)_

 _CT: I swear, whenever I read the lyrics to this parody, I can't help but picture hearing Larry's light sobs as he pressed his head against the door to the dining hall before security came and took him away. But back to the lovely couple that this parody stars, even though Sorin and Ellen are one of the newest couples introduced in the series, they quickly instilled in me a very similar charm that Magshoe has. You can tell that even though they have their issues, Sorin and his anterograde amnesia and Ellen and her crying pan, they truly are in love and are willing to go to the ends of the earth for each other._

* * *

" _ **Your Wedding Day**_ "  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"Bella Notte" from Disney's  
** _ **Lady & The Tramp**_

 **[Lead Band Singer]**

Now look at this sight  
At your beautiful bride  
In your arms on your wedding day

* * *

Gaze in her eyes  
You see love, no surprise  
After all, it's your wedding day

* * *

Groom and bride, life has just begun  
You've crossed the final frontier  
You're meant to be, you can tell  
Two souls united here

* * *

So look at this sight  
As the stars shine so bright  
Upon you on your wedding day

* * *

 _ **[Band Chorus]**_

Look at this sight  
Handsome groom by your side  
In your arms, on your wedding day

* * *

Gaze in his eyes  
You see love, no surprise  
After all, it's your wedding day

* * *

Groom and bride, life's begun  
You've crossed final frontier  
You're meant to be, you can tell  
Two souls united here

* * *

Now look at this sight  
 _Bello_ groom, _bella_ bride  
Hearts entwined on their wedding day

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 54**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** While Maya may act cute, she's an action girl through and through. If there's no fighting or entertaining dialogue, then she just ignores it. So when it comes to shows like "Sailor Moon" or how I picture "The Pink Princess" to be like, Maya starts daydreaming the second the secondary plots about getting a date or buying a cute outfit start up, only to snap out of it once they get to the actual fighting. That's why I had Maya outright denying that the Pink Princess is a "girly girl who does girly things."  
Though based on how Trucy is, I can easily imagine her as being a big fan of the magical girl genre since she herself is a magical girl. Plus, Trucy would love the theatrical form changes, what with all the spinning and bright colors.

 **JP:** Okay your review was so hilarious I _had_ to further investigate these theme songs you referenced….

 _The Cleveland Show_ was admittedly awful but at least they pulled the plug on it unlike Seth MacFarlane's other should have been dead in the water ages ago shows which I shall not name but leave it up to you to interpret which ones I am referencing! That being said, I never did watch Sailor Moon, and will acknowledge even though I haven't been into _My Little Pony_ since I was a youngster, yet the theme song is adorable but what _dafuq_ was that last one!? I had to check it out because I never heard of _Fanboy & Chum Chum_, but… I don't even want to know what it's about the intro is just ridiculous and I felt like I needed to be on something in order to properly register what the heck they're trying to do! Like wears their stash and can I have some?

Indeed **,** the power of friendship is the underlying theme in AA – and turned to _frommagio_ /MLP extreme levels in Turnabout Academy I mean, friendship bracelets/necklaces?! It's cute when you're 10-year-old girl but when you're 25-year-old man it's just really… Lame?! I have heard about but not checked out Turnabout Storm… Kudos if they have carried on the Crapcom tradition of showing strong bonds of friendship, which seems to be the only kind of relationship that can be well written and not desecrated/be nonexistent like familial/parental/ _romantic_ ones!

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** If Winston Payne, a.k.a. the prosecutor who loses so much and has so little presence that his coworkers mistake him for a janitor, is capable of winning a contest without cheating, then there's still hope for Sebastian. Though frankly, I prefer the idea of Sebastian having legitimate victories to be used sparingly.

Sure, I love Sebastian's character- I wouldn't be using him nearly as often as I do if I hated him- but there's just something so enjoyable about Sebastian having a hard time. I think it has something to do with the fact that Sebastian has such an underdog personality that you can't help but root for him at least a little bit when he's at a disadvantage, even when he's irritating everyone around him to no end.

For me, my favorite prosecutor in the "Ace Attorney" series is, to no one's surprise, Blaise Debeste. Sure, he may not seem like much at first glance, but he's one of the more entertaining characters in the series because he's one of the few villains who's truly sadistic. Sure, we've seen plenty of diabolical fiends throughout the course of the series- Manfred, Kristoph, Ga'ran- but at least all of their crimes were done as a means to an end to accomplish a grander goal- revenge for the loss of a perfect record, revenge against a jerk client and the man he showed favor to and covering it all up, and securing a seat of power and ruling a nation, respectively. However, with Blaise, the reason he commits crimes is because he can. He's the kind of guy who lives to see someone squirm as he grinds the heel of his boot on them; and the only thing that Blaise loves more than bullying people that he has power over is reminding them that he's the one who's in control. That's why Blaise didn't tell Manfred that Dover's body was moved and had the fake autopsy report created- he wanted to knock Manfred down a peg by reminding him whose the one pulling the strings. In short, Blaise is a black hole of morality- a being filled with nothing but coldness and darkness who makes any bit of light that tries to get close to him disappear.

That's why I love writing for Blaise. Sure, his speech pattern can be a bit weird at first, but that's just a small price to pay for the sheer amount of freedom that comes with his character. In a story or scenario, I can have Blaise practically say or do anything, no matter how awful or inhuman it may seem, and it wouldn't appear out of character for him.

 **JP:** Bitchtoff is numero uno on my hate list, since he helped bring on the dark age of the law – no way would Simon have been on death row if Nick still had his badge, plus being a jealous, petty bitch gives him the worst motive EVER! – but Manny aka Nosferatu is _number 2_ – in more ways than one! Hee!

Nah, if Maya can't catch a break in having one game where she's not a murder suspect, I can't see her getting one with a geek show – but in my world, she gets Nick instead. That's one hell of a consolation prize! Lucky in contests, unlucky in love, Wright? Besides, the prize would have probably included having to endure lunch with Sal Manella – which would no doubt make her lose her appetite for at least a month (for life for anyone who isn't the Burger Queen!) and have that tiny girl wither away to nothing, hence. Poor Sebastian – he's already endured a hard enough life with Blaise as a father – now he'd have to endure Sal if he won a contest, too? Talk about having it rough – the image of that soggy hog eating would be stomach churning even for the mightiest of men! (Which of course, that kid _so_ is not!) :p

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** Out of everyone that Simon knows, I feel that one of the people that he has the greatest respect for is Edgeworth, going so far as to never say a single wise crack about the Chief Prosecutor, even behind his back. I could see Simon's respect for his future boss forming when he first became a prosecutor, where he learned about the lengths that Edgeworth had gone for the sake of finding the truth and protecting those close to him.

So with that in mind, I could picture Edgeworth becoming a mentor to Simon, just as he was to Sebastian, and from their relationship, the young prosecutor would notice Edgeworth's Steel Samurai figurine and bring up how he's a fan of the show and samurais in general. At that point, Edgeworth wouldn't outright say that he's a huge fan of the show, but would rather take things slow, telling Simon early on that he watches a few episodes here and there and slowly revealing more and more about his love for the show as time passes.

Heck, when Simon was in prison for seven years, I could picture Edgeworth visiting him every week to tell him about what's happening with the "Samurai" franchise and the fandom. Who knows, maybe Edgeworth came up with his plan to have Simon prosecute- despite the fact that he's a prisoner on death row- during one of these visits.

I'm glad to see that you're enjoying these parodies. I just have fun with it while picturing how the characters handle certain situations.

 **JP:** I do think Maya would be pretty petulant to have lost a theme song contest – to two all-too familiar otakus in the DA office – _back to back_! – one of which is based on the character that _she_ helped inspire! The idea of Phoenix having to be the one to force her to watch it definitely added to the comedic angle since you would normally assume Maya is the one that has to drag him kicking and screaming to the TV set every week! Woot! More FMA! Read it and adored it! Have you seen the anime movie/sequel flick?

Always a pleasure, milady! :)

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **CT:** Is it really that surprising? With the way that Simon dresses and how he acts, going as far as to bash hamburgers and praise soba as if it's God's gift to man, I'd be more shocked if he didn't see every anime ever created and didn't have strong views about each and every one of them. Of course, being the otaku that he is, Simon wouldn't ever be caught dead watching a dubbed anime, with the exception of shows like "The Steel Samurai", "The Pink Princess", and "The Nickel Samurai".

 **JP:** The Twisted Samurai is a given! Any man who uses the archaic term "dono" while using antiquated Victorian Brit phrases like _balderdash_ and _poppycock_ obviously isn't above going the extra few blade inches on the otaku scale when he's already such a non-closeted weeb!😅

No doubt he and Miles spend Friday nights at the Prosecutor's Office dissecting the merits of all the kids' samurai shows and drinking sake with their pinkies up!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Funny that you mention how I try to make things visual. You see, the reason why I try to do that is because when I come up with ideas, they play in my mind like a television show or movie. Thus, when I'm writing, I'm trying to record how I see things playing out in my mind. Plus, when I first started writing fanfics, I was on a site that had a strict character limit. So instead of wasting valuable time describing settings in great detail or going into emotional depth with characters' thought processes in the form of standard paragraphs, I would instead focus on movement and dialogue via a screenplay format.

Based on the convicts we've seen in the series- Tigre, Blaise, Kristoph, etc.- I wouldn't be surprised if Simon created his gruff, threatening persona out of self-defense. If word spread around the prison that Simon was the otaku prosecutor- which it probably did because he's as subtle as a fire at a gas station- he would have had to look and act the part of a supposed murderer if he didn't want to be bullied to death, or worse...

 **JP:** I really did love how they balanced out new grown-up Maya's playful, childlike disposition with newfound maturity in Spirit of Justice. It just goes to show that Capcom is very capable of character development, even if they did regress it for certain characters in that same game *cough* Athena/Larry *cough*

It's interesting how both the otaku Edgy and weeb, Simon have the premise of executing fear on their sides to keep from being openly mocked for being such geeks! After all one is not above using his clout first as a High Prosecutor and now, Chief Prosecutor and as poor Gumshoe knows he can use said clout to make you miserable as well as be helpful! Simon's fear is different… He would just cut a bitch if they dared mock him – or unleash the Taka! Either way, it's a free pass to mock him behind their backs mercilessly and merely smirk in their presence about their not so known secret hobbies!

The one exception would definitely be Aura Blackquill… She's already in prison, so what did she have to lose? :p

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** In the anime, they might as well change the name of "Recipe for Turnabout" to "Recipe for Subversion" because they made Tigre- the most intimidating character in that case- surprisingly tame while making Godot and Gumshoe- two guys who don't strike me as particularly threatening- look like two of the deadliest people you'll ever meet. When I saw Gumshoe subdue Tigre with little effort, I was legitimately floored because not only is Gumshoe a gentle giant who I could never picture even thinking about getting into a fight, but that he was able to do it despite subsisting on a diet consisting solely of off-brand instant noodles and weenies. I guess the old saying that the most dangerous type of person is one who has nothing to lose is true; that, or perhaps Gumshoe is the second strongest character in the series behind Pearl. If Gumshoe's capable of making the ground shake as he runs in his current state, then I could only imagine how powerful he would be if he was actually able to eat a balanced diet. Maybe the reason why Edgeworth keeps cutting our favorite scruffy detective's pay isn't to punish him, but to keep the rest of us safe.

As for Godot, I never thought in a million years that anyone would be able to make the phrase "Pull a stunt like that again and I'll have you drink 17 cups of ketchup." sound legitimately threatening, but the anime did it. With the way that Godot actually walked up to the defense's bench and looked Phoenix right in the eye with that face of barely-restrained anger and hate, I actually thought that he was going to plunk down an empty coffee mug right in front of Phoenix, fill it up with ketchup, and force the spiky-haired attorney to drink it right then and there, lest he become a training exercise for what's in store for Misty. Now I can't help but imagine Godot constantly threatening to destroy Grossberg's beloved painting back in his days as a defense attorney, driving the poor man to tears as Mia and Hammond watched from the sidelines.

Though I have to say, I wasn't disappointed with Tigre's courtroom appearance in the anime. I knew there would be a lot of airbending with him, but I didn't think that he'd start literally blowing people away the second he opened the doors to the courtroom. However, going back to the theme of subversion, Tigre's final breakdown was a bit anticlimactic, whereas Armstrong's was surprising memorable in that we saw him twerking as he got banished to the Rose Dimension.

Oh my gosh, Prosecutor Flutter! I think I've just found Klavier's nickname for Nahyuta! Though speaking of Nahyuta and Rayfa, I find it really surprising how little the latter took after Amara, even though she was the advisor. Sure, Rayfa inherited her use of the word "nincompoop", but other than that, she couldn't be any more different from her mother. I guess Rayfa was saved by a combination of taking more after Dhurke in terms of personality and Inga purging her of Amara's evil ways, just like how Phoenix managed to save Trucy from her Gramarye jerk genes. It's a real shame that SoJ never gave us any dialogue between Inga and Rayfa. But then again, if they did that, I wouldn't have had the motivation to write "The Imperial Daddy" and have so much fun with Inga's character in the process.

When it comes to Trucy's views on Phaya, I can see her shipping it not because she feels that Phoenix and Maya are a great couple, but because Maya's one of the few women that Phoenix takes an interest in, as well as the fact that Pearl's there to assist her. However, while Trucy can see the potential in Phaya, she's keeping her options open and is willing to take her biological mom back with open arms if she's willing to marry her daddy and be an active mother. After all, Phoenix is no spring chicken, so Trucy can't afford to be picky.

 **JP:** Maybe we can refer to She of Many Chins as _TFL_ for short? :p

I do love how they've given Gumshoe extra depth and even made him kind of a badass despite still being a trademark bumbler, although I do wish they made Maggey less contemptuous towards him… In the videogame those two seem pretty much canon and it seems like the affection is mutually reciprocated… Whereas here he seems to be pining for a lost cause which kinda sucks because I love Magshoe!

I also love what they did with Viola in the anime, how they made her vulnerable but still every bit the threatening Mafia Princess with her final whispered words to her fake lover/fake lawyer at the end of the episode! That's one tiger that's going to be turned into a rug whether he is behind bars or not to mark my words! Mobster boss Bruno will see to it!

With regards to Manfred because he is my most despised number two villain and an irredeemable monster in every way shape and form I don't really care what made him change his mind or whether or not his plan was to send Miles to the gallows the whole time or not the point is he still took away a little boy's father for a shitty penalty, and left a lifetime of scars on said innocent young boy and also his own daughter as well, so as much as I can appreciate any additional depth they try to get him in the anime and will even consider it to be canon, the end doesn't justify the means and won't change my mind on the fact that I'm happy he's burning in hell!

And yes, I am going to consider the anime to be canon with the exception of some of the dates… For example they have Mia's death listed as April 5 am not mistaken and not September 5 which is going to throw off a whole lot of fanfictions and fan arts out there! The reason I'm considering it canon is Takumi is directly involved with the script writing and since he's also the creator of Ace Attorney if he's making it seem like it so then we just got a go with the flow!

It wouldn't have been a big deal if that horrible Queen Amara had kicked the bucket it's not like Rayfa couldn't just work on channeling her if she wanted to chat with her every once in a while…yes I know I am horrible but then again Ace Attorney is really good at creating despicable characters who are not necessarily even villains… Apollo Justice had Zak Gramarye, Drew Misham, Wocky Kitaki…THALASSA…. Spirit of Justice had the entire Royal family except for Princess Rayfa who grew on me at the end (Dhurke notwithstanding!) Heck I even hated Marlon from Dual Destinies I thought the little mouth way too easy for trying to kill an innocent animal and they should've done some more hard time or suffered more for that sin I don't care what his motivations were but also please keep in mind that I tend to like animals way more than people… and who did not want to cuddle Orla/Ora?

I don't know if it's a case of Trucy being a shipper of Nick and Maya or the fact that she is no problem embracing replacements in her life if they surpass the original… Although Athena is obviously a shipper so they probably have helped sway her in that direction too! So don't underestimate Pearl's powers of persuasion! But, remember, she called _Nick_ Daddy about five minutes into the story and let's also not forget her pivotal transition from wearing pink a.k.a. Zak's colours to blue to show the world that she is officially Nick's baby girl, and the fact that she barely seemed to react to her sperm donor's passing

As for the animators (I'm loving the anime but I really don't care for Godot's voice in the dubbed I prefer the Japanese actor and am bouncing in my seat waiting for the original storyline to have coming up this weekend with the train ride!) personally being Phaya shippers… I sent you something to your inbox – how's that for animators being just as much Phaya trash as we are? LOL

I am SO excited about the new original anime storyline coming up – they've all been amazing so I can't wait to see what lies ahead when Nick and Maya and the judge are all aboard the _Phoenix Wright Freedom Express_ (insert tunnel of love joke ANYWHERE!) Choo! Choo! :p


	56. Debeste and von Karma Song

_CT: When it comes to writing "Ace Attorney" fanfics, there are two things I can't resist: Manfred worshiping Santa like a god, and Blaise doing whatever he can to ruin someone's good time. That's why to celebrate the holiday season, I've decided to have Blaise dress up as a classic Santa-hating character who likes fire almost as much as he does. Plus, with how egotistical both Manfred and Blaise are, the idea of them writing songs where they're literally singing their praises isn't that unbelievable. So with that, I want to wish you all a wonderful holiday season filled with lots of joy and merriment._

 _JP: I've officially accepted any headcanon about Blaise, Gant and Manny that my hilarious partner writes in his sidesplitting FF's because nobody does them better, or more believably. Plus, despicable fiends like Blaise and Nosferatu don't ever have friends, they have "frenemies" and this ultimate villain Xmas tune shows a great depiction of their twisted relationship. Who's the more loathsome? Let us know!_

* * *

 _ **"Debeste and von Karma Song"**_ _ **  
**_ **sung to the tune of  
"Snow and Heat Miser Song"  
from** _ **The Year Without Santa**_ **  
**

 _[It was the evening of Christmas Eve and Manfred was scurrying around his mansion wearing a sweater with a picture of a smiling globe and the caption 'Joy to the World!' below it and an uncharacteristically happy grin on his face as he made preparations for Santa's arrival.]_

 _[However, the veteran prosecutor's efforts were interrupted when he heard a sudden knock at his front door, which he wasted no time in opening.]_

 _ **["How can I be-"**_ _Manfred stopped midsentence, his smile turning into a scowl as he glared daggers at his visitor: Blaise, who was wearing a red shirt and yellow leggings, both of which were coated with glitter to give them a sparkling effect, a clown nose, pointed elf ears which were painted red, a red and orange wig, and a skimmer hat with a red and orange stripe, and ten-year-old Sebastian, whose nose, ears, hair, and hat matched his father's- the only difference in the Debestes' outfits was that Sebastian was wearing a yellow jumpsuit that matched his father's pants- and was holding a boombox that was playing a karaoke-version of Heat Miser's theme song.]_

 _[However, before Manfred could respond, Blaise started singing his version of the beloved Christmastime song.]_

* * *

 **{Blaise}**  
I'm Mr. Debeste,  
I'm Mr. Sin,  
I'm Mr. Corruption,  
I'm Mr. Dirty Win.

* * *

They call me Debeste,  
Whatever I see,  
Withers and disappears with ease.  
I impress even me!

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
He's Mr. Cool Dad,  
He's Mr. Rad,  
He's Mr. First-Rate,  
He's Mr. So-Good-He's-Bad.

* * *

 **{Blaise}**  
They call me Debeste,  
Whatever I see,  
Withers and disappears with ease.

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
He impresses me!

* * *

["As if that's hard to do." Blaise wryly retorted.]

* * *

 **{Blaise}**  
I never want to see a world that's free of villainy,  
I'd rather have it filled with malice and debauchery!

* * *

 _ **["Y'see, there are people who like to be evil, but I really live for it, y'know!"**_ _Blaise sneered.]_

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
He's Mr. Handsome,  
He's Mr. Hip Pops,

* * *

 **{Blaise}**  
Now you're making sense, Sebastian!

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
He's Mr. Stylish,  
He's Mr. Always-At-The-Top.

* * *

{ **Blaise}**  
They call me Debeste,  
Whatever I see,  
Withers and disappears with ease.  
I impress even me!

* * *

 _{Sebastian}_  
Even me!

* * *

 _ **["Even perfect records aren't safe from me, y'know."**_ _Blaise sneered._ _ **"Though I don't think I have to remind you of that, von Karma."**_

 _ **["You think you can ruin my Christmas by insulting both me and Santa by dressing up as Heat Miser and singing that ridiculous song? Well, two can play at this game, Debeste!"**_ _Manfred roared before snapping his fingers and yelling into the mansion._ _ **"Miles, Franziska, Code Miser!"]**_

 _[Within seconds of being called, 19-year-old Edgeworth and 12-year-old Franziska arrived at the door, with the former holding a boombox that was playing a karaoke-version of Snow Miser's theme song, as Manfred began singing his own version.]_

* * *

 **{** _ **Manfred**_ **}  
** I'm Mr. von Karma,  
I'm Mr. Kingpin,  
I'm Mr. Faultless,  
I'm Mr. Perfect Win.

* * *

Everyone knows von Karma,  
Whatever I see,  
Bends to my will with ease.  
I impress even me!

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
He's Mr. Number One,  
He's Mr. Right,

* * *

 _ **["Correct."**_ _Manfred smirked.]_

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
He's Mr. Perfect Genes,  
He's Mr. Defense-Attorney's-Blight.

* * *

 _ **{Manfred}**_  
Everyone knows von Karma,  
Whatever I see,  
Bends to my will with ease.

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
He impresses us!

* * *

 _ **{Manfred}**_  
I never want to see a world filled with victorious defense attorneys,  
I'd rather see them defeated and crying before me!

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
He's Mr. Upstanding,  
He's Mr. Exact,

* * *

 _ **["You know it's true."**_ _Manfred chimed in]_

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
He's Mr. Nobility,  
He's Mr. Divinely-Backed.

* * *

 _ **{Manfred}**_  
Everyone knows von Karma,  
Whatever I see,  
Bends to my will with ease.  
Heh… Even me.

* * *

 **{Edgeworth and Franziska}**  
Even me!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 54**

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **CT:** If Kay manages to win a song contest for the "Samurai" series, then Maya will go on a rampage and start smashing thing. Sure, it wasn't fun losing to Edgeworth and Simon, but it would be a whole new level of frustration for Maya if she loses to someone who isn't even a fan of the series and instead prefers its rival. Though now that I think about it, it's kind of funny that we haven't heard about "The Jammin' Ninja" since "Ace Attorney Investigations". Perhaps when Edgeworth became Chief Prosecutor, he did some digging and saw to it that the show's creator disappeared.

As for Simon's taste in anime, if his comment about Athena being uncultured because she "eats meat slapped between slabs of bread" is anything to go by, then I think it's safe to say that he's one of those otakus who praises the original Japanese version all animes while treating the dubbed versions as the spawn of Satan.

 **JP:** I am so happy you enjoyed the non-non Disney November and although December kicked off back to Disney World, we are still going to have a few non Team Rodent numbers coming up this month in celebration of the magical holiday season!

I am now eager to see if we can come up with a scenario the even involves Kay and Maya in the same plot since I would love to have these two interact even if they were rivals in geek anime songwriting! Of course I am biased towards Maya even though I adore the Great Thief simply because the jamming Ninja was that horrible Juan Corrida while the Steel Samurai was at least awesome and played by the warm-hearted and kind Will Powers!

If I can't think of a song scenario for the two Ace to Ace assistants I guess that means we'll have to have them interact in Turnabout Everlasting then! ;)

 _Siempre, el gusto es mio, mi amigo!_

 **Chapter 55**

 **Purple Hooded Angel**

 **JP:** As much as I hated how much they regressed Larry's character by having him resort to chasing after married women in Time Traveler, the Butz still has his moments of amusement! Last time we saw him, he was probably sobbing because his very life was in mortal peril at the hands of three swindled would-be brides! XD

Glad you liked your request! :)

 **CT:** I guess that's one of the few advantages of Larry's attempts at romantic relationships constantly failing. Sure, Larry may be sad for the time being, but soon enough, he'll get back up on his feet, dust himself off, and go after the next "love of his life"… which will also end in failure, resulting in the cycle starting anew once more.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Better late than pregnant – er never, funny girl! Maya can't ever catch a break – hence why she settles for catching a burger – or 12! (Lucky in contests, unlucky in love! I'm sure she'd rather have Nick even if she can't admit it at the time of her little petulant fit!) I know, I'm a cavity inducer with my fluff n stuff – it has graduated to my readers needing insulin now. But they don't seem to mind, luckily, so even if you're guilty of it, try it! They seem to like it! World needs more sweetness! :)

 **CT:** Considering how levelheaded Peko is, I wouldn't be too worried if she was real. As long as you don't threaten Fuyuhiko, you'd be fine. In all actuality, the character I'd be most terrified of encountering in real life would be a tie between Nagito and Hiyoko- the former because he screws over everyone he meets due to his sheer luck, obsession with hope, or a combination of the two, and the latter because she's plain evil.

I have to admit, it's kind of weird hearing one of the parodies I headed being called cute, especially when my cowriter's the Queen of Fluff. Though nevertheless, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** Miles met Simon in the clink and he be like: _this guy is a real life samurai! No way can I let him die! I may have found my otaku soul mate here!_ 😆

Italian is one of the romance languages for a reason...it makes you ship even dogs when under the right circumstances and I'm glad you thought I did one of the most beloved classics in the Disney classics justice, milady! Thanks for being so flexible on my couple choice...trust me if you did like what I did for Sorin and Ellen I think you'll find my next Miego to be pretty up there on the romance scale! 😉

 **CT:** Thanks for being so understanding about us going in a different direction from your original idea. I'm glad that JP managed to give you your daily dose of Vitamin Cute.

Though in regards to Christmas parodies, we've got one coming up that we hope will be perfect for the holiday season.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Bella Notte... it's very hard to parody songs that are pure perfection the way Disney has mastered most of theirs song lyrics, in English, but in this case in the romance language of Italian it was almost impossible unless you rhyme the Italian word for night with day... and what's more romantic than a wedding day? Unfortunately we're all in love with a series that doesn't allow too many canon characters to end up happily ever after in wedded bliss the only other couple I can think of was Ron and Desi but if we're stretching things to the realms of our shipping imaginations then yes indeed sweet boy, I do agree this would be the perfect wedding song for Mia and Diego, Nick and Maya, Gumshoe and Maggey...let the list of potential AA lovers go on and go!😁

 **CT:** I'm glad to see that you enjoyed the parody.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Oh no, dear Brony, I wasn't knocking MLP at all – _My Little Pony_ is adorable! I used to watch that show when I was a kid and the theme song and artwork is still so very cute! When I said what the hell were they thinking and what the fark were they smoking, I was referring to that weird ass Chum Chum show you mentioned! Yikes!

 _Lady_ was possibly the most beautiful animated dog I've ever seen. And while the story is not one of my favorites because it just reinforces how much I hate cats (and not just because I'm wildly allergic to them!) those nasty singing Siamese cats were considered to be amongst the most racist creations in Disney history – and that's coming from a franchise that gave you the crows from Dumbo and Nazi hyenas from The Lion King!

About that song _White Wedding_ interesting fact: This song is very anti-marriage song, and Idol claims it was written to show his displeasure with his sister's fiancé, and yet many people have it played at their weddings simply because it mentions a wedding. FYI, the sister is still married to the guy her brother didn't have much high hopes for, (and Idol himself has never been married!) so how's that for artistic irony? 😋

Always great to hear from you and thanks so much for always taking the time to drop a line!

 **CT:** I know that "brownies" was clearly a typo, but it's oddly fitting considering that I've never met a person who hates brownies- with the obvious exception of people with food allergies, of course. They're just one of those desserts that you can never go wrong with. I prefer moist brownies since they're easier to eat, but dryer ones also have a charm to them in that it feels like you're eating a slice of cake. And now I realize that this paragraph feels eerily like something I'd write for Sebastian.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Bud, I have never steered you wrong I got you watching the Ace Attorney anime and you love it… If you're as big a fan of Nick and Maya as I am I think you will really enjoy Turnabout Time Traveler it is my favourite case tied with Bridge to the Turnabout! This one is pure Phaya heaven but without as much tragedy that's all I'm saying! And being the Phaya shipping trash that I am, I was so enamored with the iconic spaghetti seen from Lady and the tramp that I had to incorporate it as one of the many things that made poor Miles want to go skydiving without a parachute in Turnabout Everlasting! It is a classic love song matter how schmaltzy one might think it is and it is a great privilege to have my humble parody be even considered comparable never mind surpass it! So thank you kindly! That being said… Ask Santa offering each shop game card and get that game on your DS goddamnit! :p

 **CT:** When it comes to "Ace Attorney" couples, while Phaya may rule the roost, one can't deny Sorin x Ellen. After all, not only are they one of the only canon couples in the series, but we meet them right after their wedding. Not to mention, Sorin used the power of love to scale the outside of an airship to save his wife. If that's not a worth shipping, then I don't know what is.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I've always thought that Tigre was all roar, no substance, like most bullies, so I like that Gumshoe caught that tiger by the toe! So, here's the thing I like Gumshoe's a little bit like Phoenix in that yes he is mild-mannered and gentle, but he can be a badass what he absolutely has to be! I mean he is built like a human refrigerator there may as well be some benefit to that if you ever cross him! Enemies beware! Just like Phoenix is this placid pacifist but if you mess with anyone he loves a.k.a. Maya he will cut a bitch and bust out his unbreakable indestructible Superman/Wolverine persona! I actually have enjoyed some of the small changes they have made in the name of character development in the anime! And today began the journeys on the Phoenix Wright Freedom Express! I think most of us can agree since it seems the majority of the fandom likes Trials and Tribulations as their favourite game and Bridge to the Turnabout as their favourite case that the countdown too that epic case has most of us on the edge of our seats! But in the meantime, I am enjoying what's in between. I am bouncing off the walls waiting to see how they animate Dahlia and what happens next week on this wild train ride in the anime – can Maya _be_ any more precious?! Plus Gummy is eating! And not just noodles! Also… yay! Jughead Chambers is in da house!

Cheers,

JP

 **CT:** When it comes to the anime, I consider the parts that mesh well with the plots of the games and/or things that I find amusing to be canon. For example, I cannot for the life of me accept Adrian and Celeste as sisters. It just feels so forced and messes with a plot point that didn't need to be altered.

Though speaking of the anime, I can't help but be confused as to how Gumshoe's on the train? If he can't afford to eat anything other than instant noodles and weenies, as well as heat and electricity, then how on earth is he able to buy a ticket for a swanky train? Maybe it's a murder mystery train and they invited people who are famous in the legal world for publicity, which would explain why Phoenix and Maya were invited. But still, that would raise the question as to why they'd invite the lowest-paid detective on the force instead of someone like Badd, who not only has more experience, but also a more colorful history. One could argue that Godot was invited and had Gumshoe take his place, but this is Godot we're talking about. This is a guy who practically came back from the dead. If he has a chance to test Phoenix, then he's going to take it.  
That's why at the time of writing this reply, which is before the episode has been released, I'm going to throw out my crack theory. The anime takes place in an alternate universe that is very similar to the in-game world, but is different in a few key aspects- different dates, Larry replacing Lotta in "Farewell, My Turnabout", etc.- one of which is that Kristoph reaches his breaking point much sooner in the timeline. Consumed by his jealousy for Phoenix, Kristoph devises a plan to kill the Comeback King and his friends- with the obvious exception of Edgeworth since he's out of the country and actually uses logic and evidence when building his cases- by inviting them on a train, which he then proceeds to hijack by hiring grunts to do the work for him. It would make perfect sense considering that Kristoph's nickname is the Coolest Defense in the West, a nickname that brings cowboys and the Wild West era to mind; and what kind of crimes are associated with the Wild West? Why, an outlaw holding up a saloon or hijacking a train. And as for the trial that they hinted at in the trailer, that's Kristoph's way of showing the world just how pathetic Phoenix really is and that he, the overlooked Coolest Defense in the West, is the superior attorney.

Overall, I believe that the anime has also positively impacted more energetic and… well, animated characters, such as Maya and Larry. In the games, we get to see how goofy they are in terms of their dialogue, but the anime takes that to a whole new level since we're actually able to see them reacting to the situation. Heck, one of the things that sold me on the anime was in the first episode when Larry kept sliding out of his chair as an act of protest.

When it comes to the "Ace Attorney" series, one of the first characters that come to my mind when talking about villains who aren't the incarnation of evil is Gant. Granted, Gant may seem like a heartless prick since he killed two innocent men and proceeded to blackmail Lana for two years, but there's so much more to his character than that.

As Gant stated, he's a man who despises criminals. Essentially, he was one of those people who joined the police because he wanted to be a superhero of sorts and clean up the streets. However, that's not how the world works. Gant quickly learned that the system was flawed and filled with corruption, an issue that was all the more apparent with someone like Blaise running the Prosecutor's Office. This is why I like to believe that Gant always saw Manfred as a friend, an ally in his fight against the bad guys. If Manfred was prosecuting a case, Gant could rest easy knowing that the criminal he arrested would receive their proper punishment. It was probably relationships like this that allowed the happy-go-lucky detective to maintain his positive disposition for so long, especially when more and more people started to respect his investigation prowess and take his arrests more seriously.  
However, despite Gant's cheerful exterior, he was slowly becoming cold and hard on the inside. He knew that from years of experience if the police didn't have the proper evidence, then a criminal could slip right through their fingers, which in turn made him adopt a very Machiavellian viewpoint- if a criminal is arrested and justice is served, then it shouldn't matter how it was achieved. This philosophy that Gant had developed during his time on the force came to a head during SL-9, a case where they were certain of the culprit, yet couldn't arrest him because they lacked proof. Thus, when Gant saw both Darke and Neil unconscious, he decided to create the proof that the police were lacking by murdering the latter and placing the blade of the former's knife in the body.


	57. Esto Es Amor

_JP: The last time we saw Mia, she was denying her ardor to a certain suave Hispanic hunk to Lana and Maya. Well, the cat's – er, the kitten's out of the bag now, so let's see what happens when Diego find out about this! ;)_

 _I've always had a headcanon that with the coffee loving defense attorney being Latino, he and Mia spoke sweet nothings to each other in Spanish all the time. :)_

 _This song goes out to_ _ **PurpleHoodedAngel**_ _(and here's your Miego, loyal reader_ _ **Chloemcg**_ _! I hope you find this substitution for "Bella Notte" to be satisfactory, milady!) and all Mia X Diego fans out there!_

 _CT: It's official, JP is the Queen of Miego. Every time she does a parody involving these two, I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Though to add onto my wonderful cowriter's headcanon, I can't help but imagine Mia having a hard time learning Spanish when she first started dating Diego, resulting in many laughs and slow headshakes on his part._

* * *

 ** _"Esto Es Amor"  
_** **Sung to the tune of  
"So This Is Love" from  
Disney's** ** _Cinderella_**

"I thought I'd find you out here," Diego's rich baritone sounded behind Mia out on the terrace of the grand hotel ballroom where their boss, Marvin Grossberg's grand 60th birthday party was in full effect. "Were the festivities getting to be a bit too much?"

"It was getting really hot in there, with all those people on the dance floor," she admitted, gratefully accepting the cold glass of champagne he offered her. "I needed to get some air."

"They're playing some really great music in there, kitten. You're missing out."

"I can hear it perfectly from out here." She actually found herself humming slightly to the sultry tune of the saxophone that was now playing. "The band _is_ amazing. I do love this song."

"Then you must dance with me to it." His intense dark gaze born to hers. "I won't take _no_ for an answer. You've been avoiding me all night – and all week. Ever since I had the most interesting chat with your good friend Lana …"

"No, I haven't!" She denied hotly, refusing to meet his eye. "I just didn't feel like having you mock me ever since my so-called best friend decided to spill the beans about my alleged crush on you when you bumped into her at the coffee shop the other day!"

"She never said you had a crush on me… She just said the lady doth protest too much." He smirked. "Considering you haven't been able to look me in the eye ever since I brought this information to your attention, I can't help but wonder if there is any truth to this charge?"

"Of _course_ there isn't!" Mia denied, her face flushing with anger and embarrassment. "Why would _I_ like _you_ , the gold medalist for the bedroom Olympics? You are macho, arrogant _and_ a womanizer _and_ the only reason you keep asking me out is that you obviously see me as another potential conquest!"

"That is absolutely not true," he deadpanned, his eyes never leaving hers. "Perhaps the champagne has given me the courage to say something I should've said some time ago, but the truth is, you're _not_ just another potential notch on my bedpost, Mia Fey. I love you... even though you _aren't_ naked right now."

Her eyes widened in shock and feminine indignation at the outrageous words, and he let out a rich chuckle, taking her hand and clasping it in his before she used it to give him a deserved slap.

"That line would have worked on anyone _but_ you. Truth be told, I am quite guilty of sharing my body with women – but _never_ my heart. Let me try this again."

His heart was in his eyes as he took her hands in his, his handsome face a mask of veracity.

"Mia, there isn't one person in the world that I want more than I want you. _Only_ you. There is _no other_ – nor there _ever_ be another."

Mia blinked, unsure she'd heard him right. Exactly what was in the champagne he had given her? Obviously was causing her to be hearing things …

While her mind spun from his declaration, Diego took advantage of her momentarily stunned state and was already leading her into a slow waltz, right there on the veranda.

"You and I are meant to be, kitten, and you know it," he murmured, leaning down close so she could smell his intoxicating, masculine scent that made her senses tingle. "Tonight, on this Christmas Eve event, why don't we allow for a holiday miracle to happen, and finally confess what's been going on between us all this time?"

"And what would that be?" Being so close to him was making her feel weak in the knees. Mia thought they would have given out if his strong arms hadn't been holding her up.

" _Amor_ , kitten. You know and I know it." His expression was tender and he ran a finger down her cheek. "This is love. _Esto es amor_."

" _Love_ ," Mia whispered dazedly, finally saying the word for the feeling she'd been fighting for far too long. It sounded _right_. "So this… is love."

* * *

 _[Mia]_

Mmmmmm, Mmmmmm  
 _Esto es amor_ , mmmmmm  
 _Esto es amor_  
When you feel your souls entwine  
Dreamed of this day, mmmmmm  
 _Y ahora sé_

* * *

 ** _[Diego]_**

 _Y ahora sé_

* * *

 **[Mia and Diego]**

Promise to love you for all time

* * *

 _[Mia]_

And my heart sings, mmmmmm

I can't deny

* * *

 **[Mia and Diego]**

I am yours till the day that I die

Let's pray that this magical spell lasts forever more

* * *

 _[Mia]_

 _Mi amor_

* * *

 ** _[Diego]_**

 _Mi gatito_

* * *

" _Te quiero mucho_ , Mia Fey." He took her face in his hands, so she could clearly see all the sincerity and the promise of new beginnings reflected in his loving gaze. "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."

" _Yo también te quiero_ , Diego Armando," Mia whispered, her shining amber orbs glowing as she leaned forward to meet the mouth already descending towards hers. "I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

* * *

 **[Mia and Diego]**

 _Esto es amor_

* * *

 **[Miego kiss]**

* * *

 ** _Esto es amor - So this is love_**

 ** _Y ahora sé – And now I know_**

 ** _Mi amor – My love_**

 ** _Mi gatito – my kitten_**

 ** _Te quiero mucho_** _–_ _ **I love you so much**_

 ** _Yo también te quiero_** – **_I love you too_**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 56**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** For me, while I can picture Blaise and Manfred butting heads, I don't really see them as rivals since they probably never really competed with each other.

For Manfred, the only prosecutor's record he has ever truly cared about was his own. As long as his record remained perfect, Manfred couldn't care less about how other prosecutors were doing. And if someone tried to challenge him for supremacy, the "prefect" prosecutor would merely shrug them off under the belief that the only people who could ever hope to come close to surpassing him are those of von Karma blood. To Manfred, it would be like a toddler with brain damage trying to challenge God- laughable, but mostly pathetic and sad.

As for Blaise, while he was more competitive than Manfred, he wouldn't bother with the "perfect" prosecutor. Y'see, Blaise was the kind of guy who loved to compete just so that he could brag and make his opponent feel like worthless trash after he won. So with that in mind, he probably quickly realized that being rivals with someone like Manfred was completely pointless since the "perfect" prosecutor would be completely indifferent to whether Blaise won or lost.

 **JP:** I am working really hard on another Christmas parody although my wonderful copilot has given me a very tough act to follow! I hope to get out in time for Christmas but even if it's a couple of days after depending on the update flow I hope it's to your liking! And I will take a look at your story this holiday season now that I have TE out of the way… I can breeze read relax and perhaps even enjoy a partridge in a pear tree! Always a pleasure milady :-)

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I think it's safe to say that Edgeworth's worse Christmas was DL-6, with every one after that not even coming close. Sure, during Christmas of 2016, Edgeworth was framed for murder, but that's nothing compared to 2001 where he was stuck in an elevator, rendered unconscious due to oxygen deprivation, woke up to find that his father was dead, and then adopted by an intimidating man who raided Dracula's wardrobe, if his outfit is of any indication. And to add insult to injury, Edgeworth was haunted with the thought that he could have accidentally committed patricide.

 **JP:** I'd still say DL-6 was worse for Edgeworth taken at the time that he was forced to sing the song he didn't realize that he had been conned into singing the praises of his father's murderer! That being said he probably acts like Christmas doesn't exist… I bet you he would go to work on that day and act like it was any other day if he could get away with it! Heck he's chief prosecutor now he very well might!

One of the things I always wondered about was Manfred getting executed for his deed – the murder wasn't murder in the first, if anything wouldn't it be second-degree murder since it was a crime of passion and therefore carry a less harsh sentence?

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Muhammad Sban: Since Edgeworth's willing to trust Gumshoe to clean his office, I don't think that it's too much of a stretch to assume that he'd also entrust his subordinate with watching his home while he's out of the country. So with that in mind, maybe Gumshoe found the ticket in Edgeworth's mail and didn't want it to go to waste. Though as for that doggy bag theory, that would explain why Gumshoe always wears his trench coat- with all of those pockets, he can easily bag a free meal or two on a given day. Even if Gumshoe isn't armed with bags, I believe that he at the very least has all of his pockets lined with loose scraps of tinfoil that he's found lying on the side of the road

In regard to how the anime's been handling its characters, besides a few occasional nitpicks, I feel that they're about on the same level as the games. Most of the time, when I'm watching an episode, I have to pause in order to laugh since the characters are behaving just as I thought they would in a given situation. Though while on the topic of the anime, I can easily see Dahlia being a firebender since not only have we seen her burn her poor butterflies in-game, but her hair's the color of fire.

Knowing how Blaise is, he would never take a break from physically and/or emotionally abusing Sebastian. If anything, Blaise used his abusive ways to encourage his son to learn the song through god old-fashion negative reinforcement- whenever Sebastian messed up part of the song, Blaise would either insult him, hit him, or both depending on how bad the error was.

 **JP:** Poor Gumshoe! The poor guy is more dirt poor than a church mouse and now he has to go and get shot by a trigger-happy gunslinger female! That being said that was a crazy twist this past weekend in the anime! We are looking at a locked door mystery of some sort ! At first I thought the body wasn't really dead but then it ended up in Gumshoe's train – which is nowhere near the one Nick and Maya are on?! What in tarnation is going on here? I'm really excited about the conclusion this weekend assuming there's an episode at all and they don't take time off for Christmas!

I have actually been enjoying the character development in the anime very much they made Larry likable and made Wendy bearable they made Lotta less slap-worthy and they showed the wonderful protective side of Gumshoe the teddy bear turned worthy flatfoot to the rescue!

I know I'm in the minority here but I actually didn't mind Adrian and Celeste being sisters because this is a series that's all about family ties/blood/loyalty (friend and family alike! And it made more sense to me to have Adrian have a bloodthirsty need to avenge her poor sister, and create havoc and vengeance upon, for all intents and purposes, her to murderers! I personally found that a bit more relatable than her being codependent, although I realize it probably also did that so they wouldn't have to go into too much great death into her character and make things longer than they had to be it was a shortcut I know but an acceptable one. I imagine the judge makes a really good living being in a government appointed job, so I'd like to think any doggy bags would be entirely used by Gumshoe and perhaps the judge would even help him stash some in his big old robes as well!

The wannabe Tiger man looks a lot less orange and ridiculous in the anime so mixing him up with Phoenix was definitely more believable, and I'm getting a kick out of seeing how the jokes in the English translation translate in the original Japanese version like "Trite" being "Maruhodo" instead of _Naruhodo_!

I think the saddest thing about Gant and Vortex is both of them started out with good intentions… And then their inner megalomaniac took over and things went all sixes and sevens then! No man ever could or should play God… Do you think Gant's ancestor (I accept the headcanon that they are related – but talk about history repeating itself!) got hung/executed for his misdeeds or do you think he got the Kristoph Gavin cushy prison punishment instead?

I just sent you Rise From The Ashes to your p.m. let me know your thoughts! :-)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** When it comes to Garfield, he's like a blob- while you can't make him any grander than what you initially see, you also can't beat him down since he couldn't care less about what others think of him.

In regards to Manfred, Gant, and Blaise, they couldn't be friendly in the traditional sense even if you paid them. The only person in that trio who's even remotely capable of forming semi-legitimate friendships is Gant, but even then, he's the kind of friend who'll be nice to your face, but will try to take charge whenever he can and will make your life Hell if you don't comply. And as for Manfred and Blaise, just look at them. The only thing the former truly cares about is his perfect record; and as for the latter, he knows no friendliness, or even basic decency. The closest thing to "loyalty" that Blaise knows is using someone until they've served their purpose and then casting them off to the side like yesterday's trash.

 **JP:** Cartoon cats are cool! Especially the ThunderCat variety! I cctually have a Garfield daily desktop calendar because we have some basic things in common… We will cut a bitch if you mess with our sleep, we hate Mondays and we both love lasagna! Also I went through phase when I messed up my hair dye and actually had bright orange hair – very similar to the world's laziest feline so… Despite my allergies and general dismissiveness for cats who aren't of the large jungle variety (unless they are Internet memes)!

I love how dizzy pretend Song of the South never existed! It's hilarious and depressing - you can't pretend nothing ever happened like it's a huge White-Out stain! In this modern day and age when a playful Christmas song like _Baby It's Cold Outside_ has suddenly become taboo, what's next? Denying the Holocaust?

As for the terrible trio actually having real friendships, the closest I think will ever get to it is the warped frenemy version we get in CTs fanfictions… While their comrade bond might be more twisted than a pretzel, it sure makes for some hilarious entertainment! :)


	58. Man-nay, Man-nay, The Pool's The Place T

_CT: Out of all the suggestions that we've received as of now, this one was unique in that I honestly wasn't sure if_ _ **ChloboShoka**_ _wanted us to cover "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me" or "Heigh-Ho" since both songs are very similar in terms of their famed lyrics. So_ _ **ChloboShoka**_ _, if you were intending for this to be a parody of "Heigh-Ho", I'm very sorry. Though in my opinion, "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me" better suits Gant due to the upbeat tempo and the fact that pirates love water almost as much as he does._

 _JP: OK, just before Xmas we bring you this light-hearted melody based off a bunch of beering,, cheering pirates…with two of the most sneering, jeering bad guys in the AA universe being merry … for completely non-holiday related reasons in this hilarious Manny/Gant frenemy spoof that am sure will have you raising your mugs as you sing along! Enjoy… and to all, a good night!_

* * *

 _ **"Man-nay, Man-nay, The Pool's The Place To Be"  
**_ **sung to the tune of  
"Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me"  
from Disney's** _ **Pirates of the Caribbean**_

* * *

 _ **["Ugh…"**_ _Manfred groaned, his aching head feeling as if someone was crushing it with a massive weight._ _ **"Where am I…? Why are my arms and legs bound?! And why am I wearing my swimsuit?!"**_ _The veteran prosecutor exclaimed with much terror in his voice as he realized that his arms and legs were tightly bound with two sets of ropes and that he was wearing nothing but a pair of black swim trunks._ _ **"Wait a minute…"**_ _The 'perfect' prosecutor paused as he took a moment to take note of his surroundings- the black leather back seat of a car that was littered with a multitude of food wrappers and empty soda cups._ _ **"Please tell me that I'm not-"]**_

 _ **["Rise and shine, Manny!"**_ _Gant exclaimed with a smile on his face as he turned his head, only to be met by the veteran prosecutor's scowling face.]_

 _ **["Gant, why am I tied up and wearing nothing but a swimsuit in the back of this pigsty that you call a car?"**_ _Manfred growled at the happy-go-lucky police chief.]_

 _ **["Sorry about the mess, Manny."**_ _Gant stated with an embarrassed chuckle as he returned his attention to the road ahead of him._ _ **"I haven't had much time to tidy up, what with all my responsibilities as Chief of Police."]**_

 _ **["You didn't answer my question."**_ _Manfred snarled through clenched teeth, his already-low patience running thin.]_

 _ **["Well, you kept on refusing my offers to come swim with me at the public pool, so I decided to take matters into my own hands by sneaking into your house and adding a little something to your orange juice carton to make you a little more agreeable and a little less conscious."**_ _Gant nonchalantly responded.]_

 _ **["You drugged me!?"**_ Manfred exclaimed with saucer-sized eyes.]

 _ **["'Drugged' is an awfully strong word. I like to think of it as 'covert sedation'."]**_

 _ **["You've gone mad, Gant! I'd expect this sort of thing from Debeste, but never from you. Debeste may do this kind of thing when he wants me to take his place at social events, like that one time I was rendered unconscious after eating my lunch, only to wake up at his son's piano recital, but at least he's never done so for a reason as foolish as making me go to the public pool!"]**_

 _ **["There's nothing foolish about the public pool, Manny. And if you don't believe me, then maybe this will change your mind."**_ _Gant chirped as he tuned on his cd player which started playing a karaoke-version of Disney's "A Pirate's Life for Me" as he started singing his own lyrics to the beloved song.]_

* * *

Man-nay,  
Man-nay,  
The pool's the place to be.  
We'll swim, we'll splash, we'll all have a blast,  
So put on your sunblock, Man-nay!  
We'll jump and dive and do laps so fast,  
That your head will spin, Man-nay!

* * *

 _ **["And how do you expect me to apply sunblock when I'm bound in the back of this garish abomination that you call a car?"**_ _Manfred growled as Gant continued his song.]_

* * *

Man-nay,  
Man-nay,  
The pool's the place to be.  
We'll cool right down and then we'll relax, we'll get every snack,  
I'll buy you a soda, Man-nay!  
Frolic and laugh and make many wisecracks,  
It's such a delight, Man-nay!

* * *

 _ **["I don't want snacks, I don't want soda, and I don't want to spend my day at the pool with you! Now turn this vehicle around and take me back to my home immediately!"**_ _Manfred roared, wriggling and thrashing about in a vain attempt to free himself as Gant resumed singing.]_

* * *

Man-nay,  
Man-nay,  
The pool's the place to be.  
We'll play, we'll enjoy, we'll get you pool noodles,  
So that you can float, Man-nay!  
Watch and hide and splash fancy poodles,  
Giggle over screams, Man-nay!

* * *

 _ **["The only screaming you'll be hearing will be your own when I drown you with those pool noodles if you don't turn around this instant."**_ _Manfred hissed, flashing Gant a death glare as the jovial chief of police kept on singing his merry song.]_

* * *

Adults, teenagers, kids big and small,  
No one hates the pool, Man-nay!  
Even Blaisie likes it, gives it his all,  
When ogling hot girls, Man-nay!

* * *

 _ **["Objection!"**_ _Manfred bellowed._ _ **"I hate the pool almost as much as I hate your idiotic song!"]**_

* * *

Man-nay,  
Man-nay,  
The pool's the place to be.  
We'll play games and eat lunch and even dinner,  
We'll stay till closing, Man-nay!  
Yes! But you won't feel so very bitter,  
When the day's all done, Man-nay!

* * *

 _ **["No, I'll instead be feeling an overwhelming desire to see you dead."**_ _Manfred snapped.]_ **  
**

 _ **["Well, in that case, I better avoid elevators… I wouldn't wanna to end up like Gredgeworthy, now would I?"**_ _Gant joked, snickering as the veteran prosecutor's eyes widened, fearful that someone had stumbled upon his greatest secret- and not just some random person, but the Chief of Police.]  
_

 _ **["I-"**_ _The 'perfect' prosecutor tried to state an excuse, only to get cut off by his friend_ **.]  
**

 _ **["I know, Manny, you got real lucky. I mean, your most hated enemy gets murdered and you didn't even have to lift a finger. But unfortunately for you, there are no elevators at the public pool. Speaking of which, we're here!"**_ _Gant cheered as he pulled into a spot right by the entrance as the veteran prosecutor repeatedly banged his head against the door in a desperate attempt to put himself out of his misery.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 55**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** I'm glad this song was the equivalent of chestnuts roasting on an open fire for you, Señor Java, especially this holiday season!

While I share your sentiment about the fates for the clown ass and the succubus, I can't help but picture to smile with that poisonously phony sweetness and reply back: _"Hell? I can't, Satan has a restraining order against me…"_

 **CT:** I don't know about Redd, but you can at least take solace in the fact that Dahlia's rotting in Hell for over a decade. Though knowing Dahlia, I wouldn't be surprised if she's enjoying herself down there just to spite her enemies in the World of the Living. Plus, there's a good chance that she could actually make a friend down there since most of the other damned souls share her views and tastes. Heck, I can picture Dahlia taking daily strolls around a lake of fire with Ann Sasha, having a good laugh as they chat about how many people were dumb enough to fall for their innocent facades before killing them.

 **Chapter 56**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** I'm so glad that so many readers love my headcanon that Manfred worships Santa as a god. The concept originated when I was writing the original version of "A Foolishly Foolish Christmas Carol" and I wanted to show that if Manfred could be kind during the holidays, then so could Franziska. Thus, I decided that since being positive without condescension is so out of character for Manfred, I might as well go all-out and make it where he bleeds red and green and celebrates the holiday season like no other.

Sure, Manfred may have murdered Gregory and scarred Edgeworth for life, but you have to remember that if Blaise didn't keep the disappearance of Dover's body a secret from Manfred, that penalty wouldn't have happened because he wouldn't have taken the case. As for why Blaise deceived Manfred, he did it so that he could knock his subordinate down a peg. And to make things worse, considering that Manfred made it clear in "Turnabout Reminiscence" that he feels that a prosecutor wearing their badge on their lapel is unfashionable if shown the prosecutor's badge, as well as the fact that Blaise is one of the only prosecutors in the series to do just that, there's a chance that he set up Manfred to get back at him for ridiculing his attire.

Though going back to Manfred's history, while he may have sent countless innocents to decades of jail time and/or death, he only did so because they were defendants in court. And if you think about it, just like how not every client Phoenix has ever represented was innocent, not every defendant that Manfred prosecuted over the course of his 40 years of experience was innocent. Sure, we may hate his ruthlessness when he targeting a main character who we know did no wrong, but I'm sure we would all be more than satisfied if he was prosecuting someone like Engarde or Atishon. But Blaise, on the other hand, has done the same things that Manfred did in court and worse- say all you want about Manfred's tactics, but he has never stooped so low as to offer the defendant false hope in the form of a plea bargain, only to turn their confessions against them in court and get them a lifetime jail sentence- and even outside of the courtroom. If anyone defies Blaise, they run the risk of disappearing- a fate that even his own wife wasn't safe from. And while Manfred more or less views his actions as purely a means to an end, Blaise thoroughly enjoys ruining lives and making people disappear, going so far as to boast with a huge grin on his face that "women appear before me and then disappear, disappear and then reappear…" Yeah, I don't know about you, but I've always interpreted that line as Blaise stating that kidnaps women, does who knows what with them, and then releases them back on the streets.

 **JP:** I actually hadn't heard of nor seen this movie at all, but now I know if I do, the original will pale in comparison to this parody at least humor wise! I mean, not one, but _two_ evil megalomaniacs?! How do both Mount Rushmore sized egos even both fit in the same room! CT did a great job capturing the essence of both _Arschloch's_ frenemy status as well as the brainwashed suffering of the coerced choir disguised as their children!

As for Manny – whom I also loathe more than Blaise if only because I'm more attached to his victims, Miles and Fran – being scarring in ugly festive gear, trust me, it could be worse! Picture Armstrong in a sexy elf outfit including one of those headbands with mistletoe sprig asking for _un bisou_ to every 'andsome, unsuspecting man who crosses his path! XD

I'll leave you now with that scarring image in your mind, pal of mine! :p

 **Chapter 57**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Happy Holidays! Could one dare say this holiday season, this song brought about Turnabout (Merry) Mia Memories? And yes, Spanish being the seductive romance language that is it, I have no doubt you had quite an ear for your kitten's tongue… or was it vice versa? ;)

Mug smashing you say? Sounds like something right out of a fan fiction! :p

 _*cough*_ **The Man Behind The Mask** _by me and Jove's Boy *cough*_

 _Feliz Navidad, mi amigo!_

 **CT:** If Mia ever had a mental breakdown during her rookie days and decided to try smashing all of Diego's coffee mugs, it would be as laughable as that one scene from "Employee of the Month" where SpongeBob tried to smash Squidward's alarm clock so that he would sleep in and miss work, only to discover that his neighbor had dozens, if not hundreds, of clocks. Heck, Diego would even have the same smug grin on his face that Squidward had.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Season's greetings, milady fluffington! I don't mind Cinderella – although I do wonder if she ever drove the poor prince mad with her obsessive compulsion for cleaning?! – but I do prefer the songs in the newer Disney movies as opposed to the older ones, many which have a chorus where the words are almost intelligible! But what's timeless in such fairytales is the romance, as Miego's was no exception! I am humbly honored you preferred my lyrics over such a treasured classic! Happy Christmas to you, love!

 **CT:** When it comes to "Cinderella", I'm not the biggest fan of it myself. Don't get me wrong, it's a good film and a timeless classic, but it just comes off as a little dull. Nevertheless, it's a hallmark of Disney romance, thus making it the perfect inspirational fuel for the tireless dynamo of romance and fluff that is my amazing co-writer.

 **RavenPuffPrefect1296**

 **JP:** So happy you liked this little shameless fluff for AA's sexiest pair! Already brainstorming when I can use them again! (Also am open to any suitable ideas!) Happy Holidays!

 **CT:** I swear, with how much you and the other readers love the Miego parodies, it feels like we're hosting an all-you-can-read buffet at Casa Grande de Miego.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I love that speculation of yours about Manny – I think the reason he was executed so fast was that he probably demanded they expedite things – maybe pride, maybe the fear of knowing that he wouldn't last 5 minutes in gen pop with all those poor men he helped lock up – some who were undoubtedly innocent!

Thank you kindly for the Miego love! These two are the AA equivalent to Romeo and Juliet! Japalifornia's sexiest duo ever! Also, Merry Christmas to you, dear reader! :)

 **CT:** Personally, I believe that Manfred was so overcome with grief after having his perfect record, as well as the plan that he had gradually developed over the course of 15 years, ruined in a single day by a rookie defense attorney that he decided to skip the execution altogether and end his own life shortly after his arrest… though not before perfectly prosecuting one last trial- his own.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** OK this was the cutest review I've had the pleasure of getting from you – it had me grinning like an Ace idiot! I love seeing my readers love some fluffy romance as much as I do. Thank you, dear reader, and Happy Holidays to you! May your 2019 be lemon fresh and 'roid free!

 **CT:** Knowing Grossberg, I wouldn't be surprised if he forced all of those "guests", including Mia and Diego, to come to his party and hear him talk for hours on end about his hemorrhoids and beloved fisherman painting, lest he put Nexxus to shame by showing them all his form of toxic love. Though while on that topic, it's a given that Grossberg had scented candles there- not because he particularly enjoyed the smell, but rather, it would've been deemed a crime against humanity if he didn't have them present when Mt. Vesuvius decided to inevitably erupt at some point during the evening.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** All I can say about Gant and Vortex (really digging the idea that Asougi helped pave his path to see the man in the red suit – and I don't mean Santa!) is they are the embodiment of how the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Manfred and Blaise though – not so much. I think they were just born Ace _Arschlochs_!

Between the anime and RWBY, I have been like a kid waking up early for Saturday morning cartoons – of course, my job forces me to be up waking up at sparrow's fart anyway so it works out! This means…The next few AA-free weeks until then, after the conclusion of the Phoenix Wright Freedom Express are going to _drag_!

Yes, there will be an hour long OVA January 19 if I'm not mistaken, and those will be the Mia case. I can't wait! I hope they expand more on Miego's backstory in Turnabout Memories! If there's one thing the anime has been fabulous for, it's adding delicious layers, like a cake, to enrich the storyline background and give further depth to the characters! Maybe they will show their courtship, or more of Diego in his lawyer days in action. I'd love that! After all, love or hate Godot, he _was_ once Diego Armando, the formidable man who taught Mia all she knew, including her motto – which was inherited by Phoenix! He must have been a great man at some point!

I looked forward to seeing if your speculation about the hidden train compartment is accurate or not! That magic coverup was worthy of Troupe Gramarye illusion!

Happy Holidays!

 **CT:** Why would Blaise need a whip or a riding crop when he has his razor-sharp tongue and a sledgehammer hanging on his garage's wall? Heck, with how Blaise isn't afraid to play dirty, he wouldn't even need to use his fists. He could just torture Sebastian by giving the little snot a purple nurple.

Considering that Edgeworth has cut Gumshoe's pay to the point where the scruffy detective tried to eat the magatama, was forced to live in an apartment that's quiet, cold, has no electricity, and looks like it's about to collapse, and cried tears of joy over spaghetti with parmesan cheese, I think it's safe to say that he doesn't care that his loyal friend is earning a salary that's about as living as a week-old cadaver.

With how closely related those two cases are, I wouldn't be surprised if the anime decided to handle "Turnabout Memories" and "Turnabout Beginnings" in the form of flashbacks while Phoenix is in the hospital after falling into Eagle River. Not only would it allow the cases to be handled more smoothly than they were in the game, but it would also do a spectacular job of setting the stage for the events of "Bridge to the Turnabout".

That train theory of yours is definitely a possibility. But when I look at things, I can't help but feel that Larry's going to somehow pop out of nowhere and reveal that he's behind at least half of the stuff going on in this case. I don't know, I guess I'm just a little paranoid due to how the anime loves Larry with a burning passion and tries to stick him wherever it can, like when they replaced Lotta with him during the "Farewell, My Turnabout" arc. I like Larry and all, but it just felt like such a forced change considering that he has never even so much as touched a camera in any of the games he's been in.

The way I see it, Adrian's codependency didn't make her character, but was instead created by it. I'm sorry if that sounded a bit Godot-ish. Allow me to explain myself. You see, Adrian is the kind of person who has low self-esteem and sets incredibly high standards for herself. We can see this in "The Stolen Turnabout" when she's apologizing profusely for accidentally tripping and breaking the Sacred Urn, as well as how she was beside herself when the urn was stolen. With this in mind, Adrian attempted to reduce her anxiety by sticking close to someone who not only appeared to be strong-willed but who was understanding and showed her kindness. By doing this, Adrian would have someone who'd defend her if she did anything wrong, in addition to giving her the time to analyze them and attempt to copy their personality in the hopes that some of that strength would rub off on her. That would explain why Adrian was so quick to trust Franziska and see her as a friend of sorts.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Yup, I'm the Ghost of Christmas present, giving you feasts from the heart – including gooey figgy pudding to make you even sweeter and smushier on the inside with all my sugary goodness, pal! :p

I like to think Diego was a lady killer until Mia, and could have taught the fop a thing or two with the ladies, as he was so smooth he made silk look like sandpaper, but never needed to bare his heart for any of those women – just his bodacious bod… hence the initial cheeky line trying to declare his affection.

And he was so hot that line would have worked on anyone _but_ Mia Fey! That busty beauty was no bimbo – and nobody wore that LBD (love the one you described!) better than her.

It lay in crumpled heap on her bedroom floor later that night… next to the rest of Armando's ensemble! ;)

Thanks for the kind words, bud. Merry Christmas! :)

 **CT:** I feel so thankful that I'm working on this fanfic with someone as passionate and talented in regards to the romance gene as JP. I swear, if I was stuck with having to write even half of the romance parodies that JP has tackled so far, I would've probably either broken out in a horrible case of hives, or burst into flames. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against romance, but it's not exactly my favorite genre to write if my previous parodies are of any indication.

Mia and Diego may know how good she looks, but ironically, she could only really use it to her advantage after she died. Seriously, you'd think that the Judge- a.k.a. the man who's lenient towards anyone wearing a dress- would have shown Mia some patience when we play as her in "Trials and Tribulations", especially since those were her first two trials. But alas, Mia wasn't that lucky since the Judge was apparently more interested in her demonic cousin. Heck, the only things Mia's looks got her in life were the clock that would later be used to kill her and a front row seat to one of the saddest things ever seen- Gumshoe's pitiful attempt at flirting.


	59. (So Rejoice) It's Christmastime!

_JP: Here's my humble holiday homage to the world's best singer/drummer, the legendary Phil Collins (I am not worthy good sir!) as requested by both milady_ _ **Chloemcg**_ _and my wonderful funnyman partner,_ _ **CzarThwomp.**_ _This scenario is set after poor Clay was murdered in DD and after the last case is over… Apollo may have rejoined the WAA but he's still moping and in no mood for anything else remotely holiday related! That is, until a very special girl brings him back to the light with the special brand of her magic! Pure Gramarye sibling fluff!_

 _CT: If there's one thing that Christmas is known for besides stores shoving it down our throats since October- seriously, I one time saw a store selling an inflatable pumpkin snowman at the start of October- it's Christmas magic. So it shouldn't be much of a surprise to see everyone's favorite magician striving to spread some holiday cheer in JP's latest parody as she tries to cheer up the Anything Agency's version of the Grinch. Seriously, I can just picture Apollo staring out of his apartment's window, a glare on his face as he imagines Trucy hopped up on sugar and screaming at the top of her lungs._

* * *

" _ **(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"Through My Eyes"  
from Disney's** _ **Brother Bear  
**_

On Noël Eve, you and me can  
Set out homemade cookies  
Just for Santa  
He'll come for them  
If you keep believing

* * *

Let's go hang  
Outside  
Colored lights so bright  
And see  
With glee  
Season's blessings shining around you

* * *

(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
It's when peace and joy both fill the air  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
Everything's magic  
Don't let sorrow make you blind  
Everything's magic  
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime

* * *

I know sometimes, your sad memories  
Won't let you see brightness  
But if you can open your heart  
Let the love and light in

* * *

Let's go hang  
Outside  
Colored lights so bright  
And see  
With glee  
Season's blessings shining around you

* * *

(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
It's when peace and joy both fill the air  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
Everything's magic  
Don't let sorrow make you blind  
Everything's magic  
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime

* * *

I know smiling might feel strange  
It just means that you're now healing  
I'll be here when you're in need  
I'll comfort you and hold your hand

* * *

(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
It's when peace and joy both fill the air  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
Everything's magic  
Don't let sorrow make you blind  
Everything's magic

* * *

Ooh, Rejoice, It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
It's when peace and joy both fill the air  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(It's Christmastime)  
Everything's magic  
Don't let sorrow make you blind  
Everything's magic  
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
It's Christmastime  
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime  
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading! Happy New Year to y'all! :)_

 **Chapter 58**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** To be fair, Grossberg probably yells at his hemorrhoids as if they're unruly children. So it all works out.

As for the lifeguard, this is the "Ace Attorney" universe we're talking about. The sight of a large, buff man wearing a neon-orange swimsuit forcibly dragging a guy who resembles Dracula and is kicking and screaming into a pool is probably just another Tuesday for them.

 **JP:** For the record, I _love_ your AutoCorrect dear reader! It never fails to make me giggle maniacally! Helmer kids, whatever the heck that is, was still be more preferable to thinking about the other thing residing within that corpulent man's equally pudgy posterior, and is the stuff that only nightmares are made of! It's right up there with the idea of seeing Dracula and his glow-in-the-dark pale skin and swim trunks! I'm sure it makes those lifeguards very grateful for having sunglasses so as not to be blinded by the glare/the view! XD

Happy New Year!

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** While I may not be the biggest "Pirates of the Caribbean" fan myself- I haven't ever seen any of the films and don't really desire to do so- I can't deny that "A Pirate's Life for Me" is a catchy song that's oozing with charm.

While 2018 may be coming to a close, this fanfic's still going strong- something that wouldn't be possible without caring readers like yourself. Sometimes these parodies can be a pain to write, but whenever we think about the joy they give you guys, it makes it all worthwhile.

 **JP:** I'm the opposite I actually have seen/enjoyed all the movies except the fifth one because up until the fourth one I had to be supportive wife of my then-husband, Johnny Depp (it was an open marriage… He would date/marry other women and I pretend to be okay with his infidelities/polygamy). By the way did you hear their thinking of rebooting the series without him? Blasphemy, I tell you! Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the penultimate chapter for 2018, and I really hope despite it being after Christmas but still being all the holiday season with the New Year lurking around the corner, that you enjoy my humble homage to Phil Collins at your request. Happy New Year, milady!

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** One thing about DL-6 that has always confused me is how no one other than Phoenix- not even Edgeworth, a.k.a. the Logic King- ever noticed the bullet hole in the elevator door. Sure, it was probably done so that Phoenix could save the day and solve the unsolvable case. However, if Phoenix, a rookie attorney who has had his badge for three months, could figure out that the gun was fired twice and that Manfred fired the second shot, then Gant, a man who solved countless cases as a detective and is considered a legend in law enforcement, should have had no problem coming to the same conclusion a long time ago- especially since he arguably has spent more time around Manfred.

So with that in mind, my headcanon is that Blaise and Gant instantly put the pieces together the second they saw the crime scene photo and learned that Manfred was taking a vacation. However, since having Manfred around was instrumental in keeping their illicit activities under wraps, they decided to keep quiet about it, as well as pulling a few strings to silence anyone who decided to bring up the mystery regarding the second bullet hole. Though that's not to say that Blaise and Gant don't enjoy toying with Manfred by alluding to the fact that they know everything that happened, only to pretend that they actually know nothing and that any relation that the "perfect" prosecutor has to the case is purely coincidental.

 **JP:** I was always confused myself how such an astute chief/prosecutor's office never further delved into the circumstances surrounding Gregory's murder – was Nick really this genius delving into the obvious? So to me, it was a given that the corrupt chief prosecutor and chief of police must've known/ignored the wrongdoings of the good friend… Yet another headcanon my partner has made me willingly accept along with the fact that the three of him for the best are frenemies! Happy new year to you!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Thankfully for us, Manfred comes off as the kind of guy who wouldn't roll up his sleeves, let alone take off his clothes, anywhere other than his bedroom unless he absolutely has to. And even then, Manfred's not one for drawing unnecessary attention to himself. As for Blaise and Gant, they're an entirely different story. I can just picture them going to the pool, strutting around in their swimsuits and flirting with every attractive girl present as if they're God's gifts to women.

From the two options, the latter is hands down the more disturbing of the two. Sure, no one wants to see Manfred in a swimsuit- heck, Manfred probably doesn't even like seeing himself in a swimsuit- but at least that's where it ends; whereas the process of Gant getting the veteran prosecutor into said swim trunks is on a whole different level of disturbing since it entails the removal of pants, resulting in the appearance of Lil' Manny. Though now that I think about it, I'm cursing myself for not having Lana riding up front with Gant. Otherwise, I could have had Gant blackmail her into changing Manfred into his swimsuit. Heck, I could have even kept Lana silent on account of her being traumatized by the sight of Manfred's not-so-long arm of the law. But oh well, you know what they say about hindsight being 20-20.

 **JP:** If given the choice of seeing Dracula in a swimsuit or seeing Armstrong twerking in his pink hot pants with dat ass, I think I'd still prefer to hear about Grossberg's roids, if only because that is only ear rape and not eyeball rape like the other two! XD

Here's a thought… However did Manfred not burst into flames having so much at his skin exposed to direct sunlight? Hee! Glad you enjoyed my comic genius partner at his wittiest!

A very Happy New Year to you, Bud!

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Personally, I wouldn't want to see Miego expanded upon in the hour-long special- not because I hate Miego, but because I don't think that they would be able to do it justice while also properly handling the events of "Turnabout Beginnings" and "Turnabout Memories". That's why I feel that the best thing they could do for Miego is dedicating a full side episode to it, just like what they did in regards to Edgeworth leaving Phoenix and Larry, as well as the moment Manfred felt that Edgeworth was a worthy protégé.

When it comes to "Ace Attorney" games, there's always an overarching theme: "Investigations 2" delved into how a person's relationship with their father shapes who they become later in life, "Trials and Tribulations" was about learning to face your past, no matter how hard it is, and in "Justice for All", the theme was learning not to ignore the flaws of those that we look up to.

In "Reunion, and Turnabout", Maya and Mia have to come to the realization that their aunt, one of their few remaining family members, is a bitter, power-hungry crone. In "Turnabout Big Top", Moe comes to see that while Russell was a kind man with a heart of gold and good intentions, his parenting methods were making Regina completely oblivious to the world around her and could put herself and those around her in danger. If Regina had only shown a bit of sorrow when Bat was put into a coma instead of brushing it off like it was nothing, Acro wouldn't have tried to kill her and "Turnabout Big Top" would have never happened.

Though the biggest example of this theme is Franziska's entire story arc in that game. She idolizes her father, making it her goal to show the world that she is just as perfect as he was by defeating the man who bested both him and her "little" brother, while ironically ignoring the fact that Manfred murdered a man and sent many other innocent people to prison to satiate his twisted desire for perfection. However, after coming to the realization that she is not her father and that a perfect record isn't the only thing that matters in life after talking to Edgeworth at the end of the game, Franziska is finally able to move on with her life and grow as a person.

So with that in mind, I feel that it's only fitting that the final case of the game features a witness who embodies the dangers of what happens when a person doesn't learn this lesson.

From what has been stated in-game, Celeste's personality was very close to how we see Adrian acting when we first meet her- cold, standoffish, and very down to business. With this in mind, it can be concluded that while Celeste was the kind of woman who may have been cold to people she didn't completely trust, she would be devoted to those she trusted until the very end. That's why she was so devastated when Juan dumped her. Celeste was going out on a limb by opening herself up to Juan after Matt ruthlessly dumped her, only to have her heart stomped into dust by a guy who cared more about his pride than her.

However, instead of seeing Celeste's cold, unfeeling exterior as unhealthy and confronting Juan about the matter, Adrian decided to be discreet about it as she plotted to get the suicide note. Had Adrian actually confronted Juan about the suicide note, reminding him that Celeste was a human being who didn't deserve to be treated as a mere tool in his petty rivalry, there's a slight chance that he may have listened to her, destroyed the suicide note that he had written, and wouldn't have gone through with his plan to shame Engarde with that fake press conference, which would in turn prevent the events of "Farewell, My Turnabout" from ever happening. Sure, it's a bit of stretch to think that Matt would listen to Adrian, but we'll never know for sure because she was too blinded by her admiration of Celeste that she couldn't help but make the same emotional mistakes as her.

 **JP:** I have really enjoyed the mixing up and changing the theme song every time for part A and B of the anime so I really hope that they do have a new theme in the New Year! As for me being the shipping trash that I am, any Miego I can get, I will gladly take! As for your wild theory… I guess in a way it's good that the story wasn't that predictable and it means that the writers have not lost their edge and ability to keep fans guessing! :-)

As much as I have enjoyed Larry's character development in the anime, and he is still more of a regular series character than Lotta, (who they also made more bearable in the anime!) All I can do in the back of my head is think about how badly they regressed his character in Turnabout Time Traveler! Nevertheless, you always need the comic relief and the bumbling Butz never fails to provide that in spades!

The whole thing would Celeste and Adrian is a really good reminder about how dangerous it can be to hold anybody on that high of a pedestal, and also about the rude awakenings the terrible truth can reveal once they are finally knocked off of it, with the grim reality of Lady Macbeth a.k.a. Morgan Fey being one of him for the Fey sisters, but I think another example would have been for Trucy to realize just what a monster her father was prior to him being bumped off. I want if that's why didn't really show her being too fazed about Zak being dead, knowing that he would've ruthlessly put her in Phoenix out in the streets, fueled only by his petty desire for revenge do losing a poker game, or that he could've killed an innocent woman because his plans didn't go according to action. Of course, she had new DILF Nick to cushion the blow of her sperm donor being a monster, but that that's still must've been a difficult pill to swallow. Almost as bad as poor Apollo's revelation that his boss and mentor was a homicidal maniac, and how far from grace his childhood idol had fallen! (At least he's back to revering Phoenix as his mentor now, so that second blow was cushioned eventually!)

I'd like to think that Sebastian was sort of the pet at the prosecutor's office, being the youngest one there, he was taken under their wings and nurtured just the way Justine did with him, sort of adopting him as a little brother to make up for the fact that his pyromaniac father was a complete psycho! I think he would've been the other character to bring out Edgeworth's more nurturing side, the same way we saw it with Kay, if it had been further expanded upon in the games.

Yarr! Another Pirates fan! It gives me great merriment to raise my mug of ale to you and say always a pleasure to hear from you dear reader, and a very Happy New Year to you! :-)

Cheers,

JP


	60. Cell Block Waltz

_CT: As you've seen in past parodies, Central Prison is no stranger to musical numbers. So since we've seen what the men sing about, let's turn to the women... and Kristoph and Atishon as suggested by_ _ **Memes &Musicals.**_ _What? There weren't enough female convicts with actual backstories to fill the cast. Sure, I could have used Iris, Vasquez, Morgan, and Roland, but the former two didn't really fit the theme of the song since Iris was only an accomplice to murder and Dee killed purely out of self-defense and the latter two are in no way sympathetic. I mean, Roland's crimes include, but aren't limited to, presidential assassination, ruthlessly interrogating a child, and stabbing a prisoner in the neck purely because he unknowingly had a chisel in his chessboard, and Morgan's, well... Morgan. If Dahlia Hawthorne of all people calls someone cold, twisted, horrible, bitter, and vengeful, then you know that they have acid for blood and an empty void where their soul should be._

 _JP: Happy 2019! New year, new month! We are kicking off things this January with the theme being "musicals n'stuff"- pretty fitting for a requester named_ _ **Memes &Musicals**_ _, am I Wright?_ _How fitting is it that girly manicure man, whom I've not so affectionately deemed the Periwinkle Pisshead, counts as one of the girls here? We're delighted we could do this request for one of our wonderfulA03 readers! Enjoy the dance of the damned, y'all! ;)_

* * *

" _ **Central Prison Waltz"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of "Cellblock Tango"  
from the smash musical hit,** _ **Chicago**_

 _[In the outdoor recreational area for the women's section of Central Prison, several reporters are sitting in folding chairs, their pens and notepads at the ready, before a makeshift stage. And right when the last reporter takes their seat, the warden- a small, lanky man with a big grin on his face- and several guards guide Mimi Miney, Cammy Meele, Alita Tiala, Geiru Toneido, Kristoph Gavin, and Paul Atishon onto the stage in a single file line.]_

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

 _ **["And now, dear reporters, put your hands together for the Five Merry Murderesses of Central Prison- and Paul Atishon- as they perform their version of the "Cell Block Tango', the 'Central Prison Waltz'!"**_ _The warden cheerfully exclaims.]_

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

 _{Everyone}  
_ He really deserved it,  
He really deserved it,  
What goes around comes around.  
If you'd have known him,  
If you'd have met him,  
I betcha you'd also strike him down!

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Mimi.]_

 _ **["Have you ever had a boss you despise, the kind of person who you fantasize about punching in the face over and over again every day? Well, if you take every negative aspect of their personality and multiply it by a thousand, then you get my former boss, Dr. Turner Grey. The man was a monster and would do everything in his power to make life a living hell for me and the other nurses working for him by giving us long workdays and more patients than any nurse should have to handle. And to make things worse, on days it rained, Grey would be in an especially bad mood, standing over my shoulder and yelling at the top of his lungs about how the weather girl couldn't predict the weather to save her life."]**_

 _ **["But when that malpractice incident went public, I decided to be the bigger person and took the brunt of the blame. Sure, I hated the guy, but I didn't know how long it would take for me to find another nursing job, especially coming from a place where 14 people were killed. Though now that I think about it, I should have taken my chances; because how did that bastard repay me? He drugged me right before I left for work one day, causing me to get into a car accident that killed my baby sister and left me burnt beyond recognition! See my face?! This is the face of the sister that was killed because of that bastard!"]**_

 _ **["Fortunately, I got my revenge. One day, when I was taking classes at my sister's college as I lived out her life, Grey approached me and asked me about where he could find a spirit medium who would allow him to see my 'sister', i.e. me, so that he could get 'her' to sign a document confessing that 'she' was completely at fault for the malpractice incident. Well, I told him where he could go before calling the woman who ran the place and striking a deal with her."]**_

 _ **["So on the day of the channeling, I saw Grey… right before I stabbed him and shot him right in the forehead."]**_

* * *

 _{Everyone}_  
He really deserved it,  
He really deserved it,  
What goes around comes around.  
If you'd have known him,  
If you'd have met him,  
I betcha you'd also strike him down!

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Cammy.]_

 _ **["I was living the dream- using my position as a flight attendant to smuggle art around the world, forging a few documents, and getting rich in the process. Hell, the hardest part of my job was doing my work as an actual flight attendant, but even then, I didn't have to do much since my boyfriend, who was also a pilot, would cover for me whenever I decided to goof-off, which was pretty much all the time."]**_

 _ **["Yeah, life was great… until some Interpol agent decided to rain on my parade. Apparently, the guy suspected that some valuable statue that was being transported was swapped out for a fake during a layover and was insisting that he check out the cargo hold to verify if this was true. Of course, I wanted to keep him as far away from that area of the plane because he was right, but I had no choice but to comply. I couldn't just say no to some glorified cop and make myself look suspicious. So I took him down to the hold and he started snapping pictures of the area on his phone. Snap! Snap! And all the while, I was getting more and more nervous."]**_

 _ **["Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and just snapped- no pun intended- and pushed him over the upper level's railing. And the next 'snap' that cop heard was when his back hit the ground."]  
**_

* * *

 _{Everyone}  
_ He really deserved it,  
He really deserved it,  
He took me for a ride.  
He really mocked me,  
And also poked me.  
It wasn't murder,  
But rather suicide.

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Alita.]_

 _ **["I love money. Who doesn't? You can have anything and anyone you want with enough of the green stuff. And one day, I was given the opportunity to get a lot of it on a silver platter."]**_

 _ **["You see, my boss was a mob doctor who primarily treated the Kitaki family while I served as a nurse. So one day, the head of the family's son, Wocky, was shot in the heart during a little scuffle- probably because he was being the stupid little 'tough' guy that he is, and I use the term 'tough' very loosely- and needed surgery. But when we went to operate on him, we saw that the bullet was literally inches away from his heart- to take that thing out would run the risk of killing him just as much as the bullet itself. So we left it in there, patched Wocky up, wrote up a fake report saying that he was fine, and gave the brat a lemon-flavored lollypop… which we swapped out for a grape because lemon's apparently not 'gangsta' enough."]**_

 _ **["Now, my boss simply wanted to forget the incident and simply wait for the bullet to do its job, but I, on the other hand, saw an opportunity. I knew that if I was married to Wocky, I could get all of his family's money the day he died from that bullet. So as much as it pained me to do so, I wasted no time in popping the question to Wocky, which he agreed to before I could finish asking it."]**_

 _ **["But unfortunately, life's not that easy. The Kitakis quickly found out about the botched surgery during a routine checkup. So there I was, forced to cover up my tracks by going to that clinic later that night, holding my boss at gunpoint, and forcing him to give me the file so that I could get rid of it."]**_

 _ **["But as you can probably guess, things took a turn for the worse, so I'll save you the time and tell you the short version of the story- my boss strangled me with a lamp cord, I blacked out, he dumped my body and the gun I had into a noodle cart, and tried to dump me in a river, only to get stopped by Wocky being Wocky, giving me the chance to off him before he could reveal my involvement."]**_

 _ **["Now, for those of you saying that I'm a cold, manipulative harlot for using Wocky's life as a means to an end, it was no picnic for me. I earned every last cent that family had after everything I had to put up with, hiding my rage and hate behind an angelic smile. Why, if I had a dollar for every time that Vanilla Ice knockoff said 'bizzzoy' or started crying whenever we got past first base, I'd have enough money to buy and sell him and his family ten times over."]**_

* * *

 _{Everyone}  
_ If you'd have known him,  
If you'd have met him,  
I betcha you'd also strike him down!

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Kristoph.]_

 _ **["I'm Kristoph Gavin and I killed a man named 'Smith' with a bottle because I am an evil human being. And as for why I'm in this train wreck of a musical production, the new warden, Fred Leemann, is under the absurd delusion that I am a woman and had me forcibly moved to the women's section of the prison despite my protests."**_ _Kristoph snaps with crossed arms while glaring daggers at the smiling warden.]_

 _ **["You can't fool me, Ms. Gavin!"**_ _Fred says with a wave of his hand_. _**"I've seen how you've taken ample time styling your hair, painting your nails, and watching romantic comedies during your recreation time. But back to the topic of this song, aren't you forgetting your other crimes? You know, how you slipped Phoenix Wright forged evidence, poisoned a man, and attempted to the same to his daughter?"]**_

 _ **["As I, KRISTOPH Gavin, have stated before, those other charges were not proven in a proper court of law. They were thrust upon me by Phoenix Wright to cover his tracks after he twisted the justice system, forged evidence, and brainwashed my protégé in order to cover his tracks."]  
**_

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Geiru.]_

 _ **["My father was my hero. Every day, he'd go onstage and perform Rakugo shows for adoring crowds with everything he had. I couldn't help but admire his energy, always putting everything he had into telling those stories. That's why I joined the Toneido School as soon as I could in the hopes of following his footsteps and inheriting his stage name. Though unlike my dad, I was never good at the whole storytelling thing- my voice and personality ain't all that flexible, ya know? So I decide to take up balloon art, which made me pretty popular with our audiences since I was able to enhance my performance in more ways than one, if ya know what I mean."]**_

 _ **["But no matter how hard I worked, or how many successful shows I put on, nothing was good enough for Taifu! He'd give me these weird riddles for advice like he was Yoda or something and send me off on my merry way before partying with his other student with soba and booze. It's not fair, I tell ya! Just 'cause I'm allergic to buckwheat and don't have four personalities doesn't mean ya can just cast me aside. That's right, while all of my performances were all me, that freak of nature that was Taifu's other student was only able to perform Rakugo because he had four personalities- his standard self, some annoyingly upbeat jester, a scared little boy, and a passive-aggressive slut."]**_

 _ **["Oh, but that ain't all what four-square got. He also got my father's name. So on the day he was set to inherit the name Uendo Toneido, I paid Taifu a visit and gave him a delicious last meal in the form of suffocating him with some udon dough. What? That doesn't sound delicious? Well, Taifu certainly thought it was to die for."]**_

* * *

 _{Everyone}_  
They really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)  
They really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)

* * *

They deserved it from the start.  
I'm not guilty,  
But if that's not true,  
You can't fault me if you've got a heart.

* * *

They really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)  
They really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)  
They deserved it from the start.  
(They took me for a ride.)  
I'm not guilty,  
(He really mocked me,)  
But if that's not true,  
You can't fault me if you've got a heart.

* * *

 _[The spotlight shines on Paul.]_

 _ **["Greetings, esteemed reporters, I am Paul Atishon, politician, intellectual, and a man who loves everything and everyone. But as you can probably see, I've suffered a minor setback, which resulted in me being temporarily detained so that I can reflect upon my errors. But I am a man who sees the glass as half-full, who sees the silver lining in every cloud, and who turns the sour lemons that life gives him into sweet lemonade. That's why when Mr. Leemann couldn't find a sixth girl to perform in this musical number, I gladly volunteered to help. For how could I live with myself if I merely sat back and allowed my community to suffer? I couldn't, because to me, nothing is more important than community and how it brings people together. After all, you can't spell 'community' without 'unity'. A vote for Paul Atishon is a vote for a greater sense of community! Remember that when I'm able to return to the streets and run for office."]**_

 _ **["Though speaking of community, do you know who hated it? Archie Buff. Here I welcome him to Kurain village with open arms after losing his wife by giving him the Crystal of Ami Fey to research, an artifact given to one of my ancestors- a famous politician who kissed many babies- for protecting the spirit mediums practicing the Kurain Channeling Technique, after learning that he had to quit his job as an archeologist. And how did he repay my kindness? Why, he took my family's precious crystal and hid it in some underground cave just because he heard a rumor that it was actually an invaluable artifact stolen from Khura'in. The nerve of that man! And can you believe that he had the audacity to blatantly refuse to give me the crystal or even tell me where he hid it when I approached him one day and kindly asked for it back!?"]**_

 _ **["So while I may be a peaceful man who loathes violence in every way, shape, and form, I was left with no choice but to kill Mr. Buff by sneaking into his house and pushing a heavy suitcase onto his head from the upper level of his home. Now, this may make me look like a monster, and I don't blame you- after all, you're all fine, upstanding citizens with stellar morals. But consider this: when it comes to killing off people, most politicians just sit back and let their lackeys do all the work, but not me! I am a man who cares about the people and a man of action! So if I want someone dead, I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get the job done. A vote for Paul Atishon is a vote for returning to a simpler time when politicians would do unsavory deeds themselves!"]**_

* * *

 _{Everyone}_  
That freakin' jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk!  
That freakin' jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk!

* * *

They really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)  
The really deserved it,  
(They really deserved it,)  
They deserved it from the start.  
'Cause if they mocked us,  
('Cause if they mocked us,)  
And also poked us,  
(And also poked us,)  
You can't fault us if you've got a heart!

* * *

He really deserved it,  
(He really deserved it,)  
He really deserved it,  
(He really deserved it,)  
What goes around comes around.  
(What goes around comes around.)  
If you'd have known him,  
(If you'd have known him,)  
If you'd have met him,  
(If you'd have met him,)  
I betcha you'd also strike him down!

* * *

{Mimi}  
["The weather girl said it was sunny."]

{Cammy}  
["Some Interpol agent decided to rain on my parade."]

{Alita}  
["Vanilla Ice knockoff."]

{Kristoph}  
["I am an evil human being."]

{Geiru}  
["All of my performances were all me."]

{Atishon}  
["Vote for Paul Atishon!"]

* * *

{Mimi}  
Weather.

{Cammy}  
Snap.

{Alita}  
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}  
Wright.

{Geiru}  
Slut.

{Paul}  
Vote.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 59**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Happy 2019 Sweetie! The cheek squishes from last year prevail though! :p  
 _*squish!*_

 **CT:** Same here! I wish you nothing but happiness and good times this year!

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** Comic relief is so needed in such a tension packed series with the violence of Macbeth, am I Wright?

It looks like Turnabout Memories is going to be an hour long I have been on the edge of my seat now waiting for the anime to return to see if our speculations about whether or not the initial OVA will include Turnabout Beginnings! If I'm not mistaken the anime usually runs until about March or April? So your speculation about the number of episodes subsequently including Bridge to the Turnabout sounds about right but in the meantime I am going through some serious dry spell here with eager anticipation for it to come back! Thank goodness I have RWBY to tide me over! I second the motion that I really hope we can skip over Marvin's posterior problems!

Sound the Turnabout Melody was a wonderful original story and absolutely heartbreaking, because it shows how Franziska could have easily been a cinnamon roll and an adoring wide-eyed innocent who loved her father and really seemed to adore her foster brother… But then fate put her in a whole different direction.

It's funny how videogame can make you think and even help instill some values and you with one the most significant ones being how dangerous it can be to have somebody up on that high the pedestal! I think you're right about Adrian and Celeste – being blind to her faults meant her Celeste's suicide may have been preventable, which only adds to the tragedy the Japanese are so skilled at!

There is no such thing as perfection, and I love a relatedly flawed character – which is why I hate Mary Sue/Gary Stu types in general – and do my best to portray the characters in my works as being anything but perfect! I speculate that's why Nick has 7 games (including the crossover) and Miles only has 2 – the latter is almost too perfect, the other lovable bumble butt is more relatable!

I'll take what I can get music wise – ultimately I end up loving all the anime intro/outro despite my initial resistance! Never Lose took the longest – it grew on me very gradually… I didn't like it at first at all! But since I read its translated lyrics, and for all the anime intro/outro, I'm obsessed! But more so with the current outro… you know why! ;)

 **CT:** With how well the anime's been handling its side episodes, I have no doubt that they'll meet our expectations and more when it comes to developing Mia and Diego's relationship. Who knows, they may be able to give us countless Miego moments while bringing up Grossberg's infamous hemorrhoids. But if they can only give us Miego, then I'll be content. After all, they're not miracle workers.

I honestly couldn't care less about what opening song they play for the anime. I know that many people love to listen to the theme song and consider it an important part of the show, but for me, when I'm watching an episode, I fast-forward through it so that I can get to the action sooner.

In Adrian's defense, there's a good chance that no one remotely knew that Celeste was suicidal. Chances are, Celeste was upset about Juan breaking her heart when it happened, but at a later time- maybe after a week, or even a day- she seemed fine. Adrian and many others could have perceived that as Celeste getting back up on her feet and moving on with her life, when in all actuality, she felt relief at the fact that she had decided to end her life and was going to escape the pain. What's even creepier is that there's a good chance that if the day that… it happened was a work day, Celeste was doing her job like she normally would without any problems and told Adrian that she'd see her tomorrow, only to never fulfill that promise.

However, while Adrian may have not seen Celeste's suicide coming, that doesn't mean that she couldn't have learned a lesson from it and actually confronted Juan on the matter.

When it comes to Sebastian, I feel that while he would be receptive to advice from other prosecutors, he would more or less gravitate to Edgeworth, treating him like the father that he never had. Heck, as I've said in a few replies for this story, I wouldn't be surprised if Sebastian pulled a Pearl at some point by trying to get Edgeworth and Justine married so his surrogate family could finally be complete.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** While we can't always take reader song and character suggestions to the letter, in this case, the adorable sugarcane sweet Trucy and the justifiably Grinchy Apollo were the magical choice! Also I love Phil Collins he is my favourite singer so I was just waiting for the perfect moment to utilize his legendary genius although I still insist I'm not worthy! LOL either way I am delighted that you enjoyed your Christmas song milady and wish you nothing but the best this this year! :-)

 **CT:** It especially helps when one of said siblings is a cheerful, bubbly magician girl who lives to brighten everyone's day… well, except Apollo and Athena's, that is. But then again, you could argue that Trucy tortures them for the greater good since their pain is for the enjoyment of her fans.

I swear, when I was playing "The Magical Turnabout" for the first time, I was hoping that Retinz would be arrested uncovered as the true culprit and arrested so badly- not because he took Magnifi's patented jerk technique to heart, not because he tried to take Charley away, but because he had the audacity to make Trucy cry. Where was Nahyuta with his preaching when that was happening? Because the way I see it, if you make Trucy cry, you're going straight to Hell, no questions asked.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I am embarrassed to say that despite this being another Disney movie with my favourite singer's music, Tarzan is the only one I have seen but Brother Bear is on my list! Also Disney is very known for good visuals and a not so good story – not that _I'm_ going to name any names… Although I'd be interested to know which other ones you think fall under that category! I really hope these to find out the truth and the next game about the sibling status although considering Capcom loves giving us the feels the probably find out that they are the only biological family they have left… Just as their mother kicks the bucket. Of course, since I can't stand her, this might just be wishful thinking on my part… Also I'm almost disappointed you had no AutoCorrect errors they do make me giggle insanely! XD

I

 **CT:** For me, I was screaming that at the beginning of "Turnabout Revolution" when Dhurke was shipping Apollo and Trucy together. Too bad Phoenix wasn't at the Anything Agency when that happened, otherwise, he would have probably dropped everything that he was doing, called Thalassa, and yelled about how if she wasn't going to tell Apollo and Trucy that they're siblings, then he would. Sure, Phoenix can put up with a lot of stuff and take a secret to his grave, but when it comes to the possibility of his baby girl becoming intimate with his protégé and giving him a bunch of mutated web-toed grandbabies, that's probably where he'd draw the line.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Phil Collins is the music legend Señor Java, I am not worthy however I am humbled by your lavish praise of my parody skills! I think Trucy is a cinnamon roll and Apollo the grouch is lucky to have her for her sister… Whenever she is not giving him a heart attack by faking her own kidnapping in court and turning him redder than a tomato by forcing him to say the dreaded word panties! LOL

 **CT:** I don't think that Apollo feels the same way whenever he's forced to assist Trucy in her magic shows of doom. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Apollo's lost a good 20 years off of his life due to Trucy-related stress. But despite all that, Apollo could never bring himself to despise Trucy. He doesn't have a heart of stone- maybe one made of pimento loaf or gorgonzola, but definitely not stone.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I have had the joyous privilege of seeing my favourite singer both solo and with Genesis 3 times and his 17-year-old son is a drumming protégé in the making and seems to be taking after his father's on paralleled talents on the skins! I'm happy to see my readers like him so much and delighted that you think I did the song justice by turning into a holiday musical, especially since I hadn't seen the movie yet! Somebody did a screenshot of the iconic moment in Dual Destinies when Phoenix Athena and Apollo all point their fingers as they take down the phantom… And it was noted that Apollo's gaze was still downcast even though his forefinger was in the air showing that he was still mourning poor Clay, which undoubtedly means the poor kid was still down in the dumps despite that moment of triumph over his best friend being murdered. I also can't picture anybody other than Trucy being able to cheer him up because we learned that Athena can still have her own dark moments but that girl is literally a ray of sunshine as and when she was crying in Spirit of Justice, it was like a cloud passing in front of the sun and actually got me wanting to cry as well. It's like thanks Crapcom, I didn't need my heart anyway!

As for candy canes Trucy is sweet enough already although for some reason I picture her being more full of sugar plums for some reason… She was trying really hard to make sure her big brother didn't get a lump of coal in his stocking for being such a Grinch and I'd like to think what this song she succeeded! Thanks so much for the kind words Bud!

 **CT:** And to make things worse for Apollo, Trucy's probably one of those people who goes all-out on Christmas as soon as possible. I wouldn't be surprised if Apollo walks into the office on the first of November, only to find the place covered in tinsel and garland, Charley decorated like a Christmas tree, and Trucy wearing an ugly holiday sweater and holding up a matching one that she wants him to wear so that they can be twinsies. Though unfortunately for Apollo, like with how he's forced to assist Trucy's magic shows, no matter how much he refuses to wear an ugly, itchy sweater, by the end of the day, he's walking around a crime scene in it while Ema and Klavier finally get along for once as they make joke after joke about it.

Considering how Trucy comes from a long line of jerks, I think that her being so kind and cheerful is the universe's way of balancing things out. That, and Trucy was fortunate to be adopted by Phoenix at an early age, thus allowing him to purge the jerkiness out of her before it could really take root. Sure, Trucy's Gramarye jerk gene rears its ugly head once in a while (I'm looking at you, "Turnabout Time Traveler"), but for the most part, she's a saint compared to the rest of her biological family- especially with how she cares about those around her. Other Gramaryes would see a sad person and just laugh at them or use those feelings to their advantage, but not Trucy. That's why my wonderful cowriter chose the right person for the job when writing this parody.


	61. All My Life I've Awaited This

_JP: For Guest reviewer, who suggested perhaps from Pearl's perspective as she observes Maya and Phoenix some time back. Well, I loved the idea so much that I decided to make this song the sequel to "We Can Do It!" with Trucy playing the part of the adorable animated animals and Pearl, of course, the starry-eyed Phaya shipper, is all dreamy eyed as she sees her OTP leaning forward, faces close, for what looks like a kiss in the making sitting on a bench at People Park while their girls spy from the bushes! (Post SOJ)_

 _CT: I swear, if Phoenix and Maya ever get married, the happiest person at that wedding will be without a doubt Pearl. She's been shipping Phaya for over a decade- even when Phoenix was going through his hobo daddy phase- and has done so much planning that she could put the likes of Simon Keyes and Kristoph Gavin to shame. I mean, what child before the age of ten actively plans romantic getaways for their guardians under their noses? Hopefully, Larry won't try to make a scene when Phoenix and Maya do get married, otherwise, Pearl will send him flying into the stratosphere._

* * *

" _ **All My Life I've Awaited This**_ "  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"I've Been Dreaming Of True Love's Kiss"  
from Disney's** _ **Enchanted**_

[PEARL]  
 _(spoken)  
_  
He's her Special Someone, know this is true

* * *

[PEARL] _  
(sings)  
_  
Sit back it has begun, right before me and you

* * *

[TRUCY]  
 _(spoken hopefully but skeptical)  
_  
Is he just smoothing her hair? Or picking lint from her clothes?

* * *

[PEARL]  
 _*scowls at Trucy*_  
No!

* * *

[PEARL]  
 _*clasps her hands and turns starry-eyed*  
_ _(sings)_

Watch now as this blossoms, cuz we've planted seeds  
All my life I've awaited this  
Their fairytale shall now end in bliss  
Although I know you think it's kinda sappy  
So many reasons I ship them so much  
I've seen their shy smiles and how they touch  
All that's left is share just one sweet kiss  
They'll fall in love…I've awaited this

* * *

[TRUCY]  
 _(sings)_

All her life she's awaited this  
Daddy's a Prince, Maya's his Princess  
Who cares if I kinda think  
It's sappy, So sappy  
I now see reason why they're shipped so much  
I've seen their shy smiles and how they touch

* * *

[PEARL]  
All that's left is share one kiss  
They'll fall in love…I've awaited this

* * *

[PEARL & TRUCY] _  
*both eagerly lean forward to hear Phaya conversation*_

* * *

[PHOENIX]  
 _*clears throat and awkwardly scratches back of his neck*_

I've risked my life when yours was in threat  
Though at times

* * *

[MAYA]  
 _*giggles and pretends to wipe off his brow*_

You broke into a sweat!

* * *

[BOTH]  
All this time's passed and now it's come to this

* * *

[PHOENIX]  
When push comes to shove

* * *

[MAYA]  
You're the man I love

* * *

[BOTH]  
Since first time we met, we've awaited this…

* * *

 _*Phaya kiss*_

* * *

 _*Trucy happily squeals into her gloves*_

* * *

 _*Pearl swoons, then faints from joy behind the bushes*_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 60**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I'm sorry to hear that you're back in the hospital. Though it's nice to know that we helped to make this unpleasant time in your life a little more bearable with our parodies. Hopefully, the rest of this year will be better for you in terms of health.

While some criminals in the "Ace Attorney" series use their influence to make their enemies disappear or to enforce their own set of rules, such as Blaise and Gant, respectively, I can picture Kristoph using his connections with the Bar Association for only two things: to help make his cell more comfortable, and to ensure that Central Prison is a show tune-exclusive jail. For if Kristoph were to allow any other form of singing in Central Prison, he would be desecrating the glorious legacy of Shirley Temple.

 **JP:** Oh no! I hope by the time you get this you're back home and well, milady! I wish nothing but health and happiness for one of my fave loyal readers! I hope this little fluff-fest with the Ace Matchmakers made you happy… also, the anime is back, yay! Miego heaven! It's good for the soul! :)

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** If they really wanted to punish Alita, they should have just put her on house arrest in the Kitaki mansion. I promise you, after one week with Wocky being pretty much her only company, Alita would be begging for the sweet release of death. I can just picture Alita enjoying a nice, romantic bath with Wocky, only to pull out a toaster and do the world a favor by taking him down with her. Though frankly, Alita could have gotten off scot-free by pleading insanity and using Wocky as the cause. I'm sure that no one watching the trial would be able to refute that claim.

At this point, after witnessing seven years' worth of meticulous planning and covering his tracks ruined in only a few short months thanks to his arch enemy manipulating the court system and his protégé, any punishment that Kristoph receives is but a minor inconvenience. Though regarding Kristoph's hair, while he would initially freak out after having it cut, I could picture him getting used to it and learning how to rock the bald look… even if it would make him eerily resemble Richard from "Allen Gregory".

 **JP:** _Chicago_ is something I really think everyone would enjoy as it the all-star gem with catchy memorable music, a very interesting storyline and offends no one. As for discount store Dahlia, although her motives for wanting to be with Fox boy were despicable, he was even more so in his atrocity was no secret to the lawyers and the courts who I'm pretty sure would've gotten her off with an insanity plea if she had ever taken matters into her own hands, or simply let her off with a warning and just told her never to do it again had she actually bumped off Wocky… And probably throw her a discrete thank you party at the bar later… XD

A reader of mine, Ariastella, was so disgusted by the idea that the murderous creepy German sausage got such cushy prison accommodations that she wrote a one-shot called _Prison Is A Punishment_ , with the OC warden, Tai Thunderwolf (who Phoenix and Maya met briefly a few chapters ago before coming to Europe at the Russian bar in Turnabout Everlasting) being a no-nonsense hulking badass related to none other than Detective Tyrell Badd! I ask mentally convinced myself that this is actually canon, and occasionally amuse myself with the idea of Kristoph being with forced to wear a too-tight prison jumpsuit and being forced to be the slammer slut! :p

How's _that_ for Justice For All?

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Don't get me started on the train wrecks that are the Disney "Star Wars" films- the plots are bland, the characters are unmemorable, and they really watered down the "Star Wars" universe. Heck, "The Last Jedi" was essentially two hours of the Battle of Hoth with some Ben Swolo fan service sprinkled in. Sure, the prequels may have their flaws, but they're at least entertaining to watch and at least try to expand the "Star Wars" universe by showing us a wide range of planets and alien species, as well as giving us greater insight as to how the Jedi and Sith Orders operated.

Frankly, as for why I had Geiru acting so harshly, it was because there's only a small handful of female prisoners, and an even smaller amount who both intentionally murdered someone while also being worthy of at least some sympathy. So since it wouldn't fit with the tone of the song if Geiru was accepting of her arrest, I had to make her embittered.

 **JP:** I am proudly, by choice, totally in the dark about anything Star Wars related! However, I've always thought _Frozen_ was really overrated myself, and the amusement of having the putrid man pretty Melsa repeating the maddening the catchphrase throughout Spirit of Justice waned pretty quickly! As for _99 Luft Balloons_ … I'm pretty sure prison fare leaves much to be desired, and probably makes the food at the soba noodle stand, even though it gave her allergy flare-ups, seem like fine dining comparison and would harden any criminal!

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Not to mention, "Sound the Turnabout Melody" actually gave us some insight to Manfred's character that didn't revolve around his perfect record. Though to be fair, Manfred's perfect record is his defining character trait and he would be incomplete without it, just like how you can't have jelly without peanut butter, or Maya and burgers.

I fully agree with you in regards to your views on storytelling through videogames. Because the player has the ability to interact with the characters and the world at large, they're able to develop greater bonds with the cast that other forms of media can never hope to accomplish. Sure, movies and television shows can establish rich plots and memorable characters, but we're not the protagonist, we're just the viewer. If a character walks up and talks to someone in a movie, it's not because we decided to do it, but rather them; and if there's a fight scene, we're not the ones telling the protagonist to move out of the way or punch. This is the reason why so many video game movies and television shows have failed over the years. If a game lacks a solid plot to begin with, then when the player interaction is taken out of the picture, there's nothing to offer. This is pretty much all of the successful video game television adaptations are based off franchises with great storytelling and a cast to match.

 **JP:** _Nothing But The Truth_ grew on me but I gotta tell you right now both the new anime intro and outro is so beautiful that I've already fallen in love with them, and with the latter I didn't think they could surpass the shipping Phaya heaven from last time… How delighted I was to be proven wrong as the ending scene showed my top three OTPs… Phaya (no surprise the animators have never hidden that there shippers of the pair), Miego (delightful but again not much of a surprise since they are one of the few canon couples in the Ace Attorney universe), and to my utter delight, Fredgeworth! As for the meaning behind the songs… It was even a case of being left interpretation the translation can be seen as nothing but a shameless love song and it made me absolutely giddy almost as giddy as knowing they're going to be making another original storyline as of next week and it looks like Nick and Maya heaven! I was a little bit surprised that they didn't go further into the Terry Fawles suicide case, but I guess they covered it enough to show why Mia had a personal vendetta against the redheaded succubus! I was grinding my teeth when she kept calling the brunette beauty "auntie" as if her being four years older than Satan's secretary was in dog years! Grrrrr!

I was a little bit disappointed they didn't bust out the ultimate gut-busting Phoenix line of: " _Toilet_? My perfect Dollie doesn't poop!" But they _did_ spare us talk of Grosso's even grosser 'roids, so overall they did a wonderful job and it was a real treat to have an almost hour-long episode after going was out the anime for what felt like ages!

Also did you hear the news from Portcom that they have finally made the date for February to bring the original trilogy over to the switch February 21? Already ordered mine! :)

I am remaining cautiously optimistic that just like in 2016 when the had the anime and then brought out Spirit of Justice in the same year they are trying to build the height for the series again because a new game will be coming out this year – fingers crossed!


	62. Foxy Amazon

_CT: When_ _ **ehsparkwoman**_ _first came to us with this idea, she originally wanted Armstrong to be the star of the show. Though I don't know about you guys, but I think that we're all still recovering from the flamboyant chef's last appearance in this fanfic when he flirted with every guy who had the misfortune of being near him. So just like how the anime banished him to the Rose Dimension, we're pushing Armstrong off to the side in favor of a character who not only hasn't had any parodies to call her own, but whose perspective lyrics for this song won't leave any of you traumatized. Plus, with how enthusiastic Robin is, I could easily picture her singing this right after her big reveal that probably shocked Simon more than anything he had seen during his seven years in prison. Oh, and for those of you wondering, Athena's parodying Brad's character while Simon is taking on Janet's role. However, in the parody, when Robin says "you two", she's referring to Apollo and Athena. I know that it's a bit confusing, but knowing Apollo, he wouldn't be in the mood to really speak, instead opting to have his famed disheartened look do all the talking for him._

 _JP: It is with great pleasure that we fulfill this request from loyal A03 readers_ _ **Ehsparkwomen**_ _and_ _ **teardrop1013.**_ _I hope you find the initially androgynous Robin to be a good substitute from the eyesore that is Armstrong in this riot-fest homage to the classic anthem of sexy transvestites!_

* * *

" **Foxy Amazon"**  
 **Sung to the tune of "Sweet Transvestite"**  
 **from the musical _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

 **{Robin}  
** Hey, Athena!  
I'm sorry about our school's shutterbug.  
But if she thinks that this case is her next big scoop,  
Then she's about to feel so smug!

* * *

Don't be frightened by the woman I am,  
I'm not gonna B-I-T-E.  
I may not be a lady during classes,  
But afterwards, I go on a shopping spree!

* * *

I'm a foxy Amazon,  
From Amazonia, Arizona!

* * *

Let's hang out after this,  
The mall's never amiss,  
You two look like you're down for some fun.  
Or if that doesn't sound appealing,  
We'll chat about feelings,  
In my dorm while watching rom-com reruns.

* * *

 _ **{Athena}**_  
Before more chaos ensues,  
Tell me what you viewed.  
Junie's future hangs in the balance!

* * *

 ** _["For once, I agree with Cykes-dono_** _ **… though for different reasons."** Simon sighed with his back turned to both the defense attorney and witness, overcome with embarrassment for having referred to Robin as the epitome of masculinity just moments ago.]_

* * *

 _ **{Athena}**_  
Did you commit the crime,  
Killing Courte in her prime?  
Please don't make this more of a challenge.

* * *

 **{Robin}**  
I don't mean to be rude,  
But I'm in a good mood.  
You see, I'm finally free,  
And I'd be delighted,  
And really excited,  
If both of you would celebrate with me.

* * *

I'm a foxy Amazon,  
From Amazonia, Arizona!

* * *

Why don't you stop by my dorm?  
(Dorm.)  
We'll talk up a storm,  
(Storm.)  
About a rock star with gorgeous sky-blue eyes.  
He's a beautiful man,  
With blond hair and a tan,  
And he's absolutely S-E-X-Y!

* * *

I'm a foxy Amazon,  
From Amazonia, Arizona!

* * *

Tee hee!  
I'm a foxy Amazon,  
(Foxy Amazon,)  
From Amazonia, Arizona!  
(Arizona!)

* * *

So let's go out to eat,  
At a place that's so sweet,  
One of my favorite's known as Trés Bien.  
The décor's chic,  
And the food's… unique.  
So when Juniper's free,  
We'll have fun, you'll see!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 61**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** It is my fondest headcanon that both of Nick's daughters are on equal footing by now in the Ace Shippers department, and as per that SOJ promo video with that coy smile she gave Phoenix under the sakura tree when mentioning Maya, I'd say Big Red is their latest recruit! Also, in series with ghosts and demons, am sure some anthropomorphic fuzzy forest animals helping Maya on with her veil and carrying her dress train down the aisle would be a real pip!

 **CT:** Yes, it would. But then again, this is the "Ace Attorney" universe we're talking about- a world where parrots can testify in court, orcas can be defendants, and a plant is treated with more respect than Apollo. If woodland creatures attended Phoenix and Maya's wedding, it would just be another Saturday.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! Better late than pregnant- I mean, never! :p  
Always glad to know my fave funny gal is still taking the time to enjoy our works – and always happy to know other love my OTP Phaya works! CT and I have been making beautiful music together for almost a year now, and it's readers like you who keep us pumping the love into our work! :)

 **CT:** I'm glad that you liked the last two parodies! They were labors of love that we had a lot of fun writing!

I know I'm hella late, but the last chapters were great. Especially liked the cell block tango lol. That fit wayy too well. And yesss anytime Trucy and Pearls get together to ship Nick and Maya it's perfect!

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I'd like to think that like Trucy, Pearl would have recruited Luke onto the Phaya ship with her – else he'd be made to walk the plank! Also, since the gentleman in training already would have swept Pearl off her feet, it'd only be proper to be there whenever she swayed off them, too! Hail the SS. Feyt! :)

 **CT:** Knowing Luke, there's a good chance that he wouldn't catch Pearl on account of him being too preoccupied with his other true love: buffet tables. But then again, Luke was the apprentice to one of the greatest gentlemen to ever live, so there's always the possibility of him catching Pearl with one hand while trying to eat a shrimp platter with the other.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** The Ace Matchmakers are a real thing, I tell ya! Pearl and Trucy already have Athena on board, now they just need to recruit Polly! I welcome you with open arms to the church of Phaya! :p

I loved Turnabout Memories as well – and am delighted they are still going to cover the whole Terry Fawles case in the anime this weekend– I feared they would gloss over it as the OVA was already nearly an hour long, and they tend to speed through cases a bit in the anime. As always, the original story episode from last week, Hear the Waves of Turnabout, was such a tear-jerker! Pearl is such a precious clumsy little thing… and as a toddler rivals little Trucy in the awwww department! Did you know that apparently, the increased quality animation is because the same animators of the SOJ cut scenes are doing this season's anime? That would explain Maya's beautiful eyes looking the same as in the game in the last Phaya-centric outro! What did you think of the episode?

While I was disappointed Feenie's hilarious Dollie deference that his beloved must obviously be full so full of _Scheisse_ , her eyes are brown (no wait – they actually _are_!) since she is too perfect to evacuate her bowels, I was immensely relieved they left out _Herr_ Moobs testimonial to his … _tukus_ troubles!

I am stoked to hear the dub of Satan's Succubus in the dub, as her animations were perfect and the Japanese VA, just like Viola's, was the perfect mix of sweet but sinister! I am hoping we get some Miego heaven this weekend with the Fawles case since they paid reverence to Diego already. Although worst case scenario, we got the Mia X Diego tribute in the new intro and outro, which are my fave ones to date even without the translation of the beautiful lyrics. Also, about sending them to you, _gern geschehen_ , dear reader!

 **CT:** On the contrary, I feel that the "Dollie doesn't poop" line was actually really great for Phoenix's character development. Sure, it's a ridiculous line that Phoenix would never say, but that's the thing. When we saw Phoenix in "Turnabout Memories", he was an immature, love-struck 21-year-old college student who had suffered no true hardships other than that fourth-grade "trial". So by saying that "Dollie doesn't poop" line, not only does the game show us just how naïve Phoenix was to the world around him, but it also gives us an appreciation for how far he has come as a person. Though in terms of overall character development, you have to remember that "Turnabout Memories" is Mia's case, not Phoenix. Sure, he was the defendant and was fighting his own demons, but the main focus of the case was Mia finally bringing that harpy to justice and avenging her thought-to-be-deceased boyfriend.  
The way I see it, the reason why Pearl was so obedient towards Morgan was due to the fact that she's a polite, kindhearted girl who loves her mother. Sure, Morgan might have a heart that's colder than a stone encased in a block of ice in the middle of the Arctic and whose hunger for power that's on par with Maya's when it comes to burgers and noodles, but at the end of the day, she is Pearl's mother and one of the few people that she had any interaction with over her short life.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Enchanted 2? That's awesome! I can't wait! Yeah, it's schmaltzy but I've never hidden the fact I'm a diehard romantic! And yes, the anime has paid a wonderful tribute to Miego with the opening and closing songs, and with that tragic hospital scene at the end… it blows my mind that some folks out there won't acknowledge Miego was canon? I mean you may not like the pairing since Godot wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's mind-boggling to me how folks can deny both Grossberg claiming it, _and_ Dahlia as well! Not to mention all the official Capcom artwork!

About your headcanon – as a matter of fact, I have seen many fan arts depicting the Ace Matchmakers strategically hanging the kissing plant all over the office so Phaya would have so do seasonal lip-lock in front of them! I love the mistletoe headcanon, milady! These two are so sweet they make sugarplums look sour, so could so see them trying to spread that love and cheer with their mistletoe meddling throughout Japalifornia – but only _after_ they ensure their prime match has had their obligatory annual smooch fest first! :p

 **CT:** It's official, Phaya has the power to heal all those who have accepted it into their hearts. But then again, considering that Pearl's devotion to shipping Phoenix and Maya has granted her superhuman strength and speed, I'm hardly surprised. It's great to know that you're feeling much better!

With how much of an avid Phaya shipper Pearl is, she wouldn't waste her mistletoe supplies on random couples, instead opting to cover every last bit of the Anything Agency with the stuff in order to ensure that Maya and Phoenix would have to kiss each other at least once.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Bud I am _shocked_! Shocked I tell you! My gooey, fellow romantic pal isn't enraptured with Enchanted? Did it make you lactose intolerant, mayhap? :p

I like to think with the continued Phaya heaven in the anime and the actual creation of Ace Shipper, Pearl, that perhaps Capcom (or at least their artists!) share our NaruMayo love! Of course, they would probably get glitter bombs from Phaya nay-sayers if they ever became canon, but that's what FF's and song-fics are for, Wright?

 **CT:** With how Capcom has been giving us so many Phaya moments over the course of the series, with their friendship being the focus of several cases, as well as the fact that they created a character whose main goal in life is to ship Phoenix and Maya together, I'm pretty sure that they're hardcore Phaya shippers as well. Heck, Phoenix wasted no time in getting a plane to Khura'in the second he thought Maya was in danger. Do you think he would have done that for anyone else? Ok, Phoenix would probably do that kind of thing for Trucy, Pearl, Edgeworth, Athena, and maybe Larry. But as for Apollo, he'd be on his own until Phoenix got around to nonchalantly booking a flight at his own leisure; because as we all know, the world- nay, the universe- loves to see Apollo suffer.

But with that in mind, my wonderful co-writer has been able to greatly take advantage of the series strong Phaya presence and use it to her advantage when creating these wonderful fluffy parodies. Likewise, I'm able to capitalize on the heartless criminals who seek to threaten the Phaya with my darker content (I'm looking at you, Kristoph).

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Oh but it would be a dark day indeed if Phaya ever became canon, and the rabid non-shippers would lynch Takumi and Capcom right into the sun! XD

But in the meantime, Trucy probably initially caved out of fear of getting on Pearl's bad side, but then fell into the role alongside her soon enough in embracing the fluffy, sugary goodness of Phaya… those two have been known to give people cavities! :p

 **CT:** Out of curiosity, what would the light side of shipping be like? Is it essentially people who rationally create ships based off the characters' personalities, interactions, backstories, and overall chemistry and don't try to force their ships on others? Because if that's the case, then about 95% of shippers, in general, would associate with the dark side- people who ship characters purely on emotional impulse and/or one-off statements that may or may not involve unnecessary feelings and will force their pairings on everyone that they come across. And among those dark side shippers, Pearl would easily be their version of Palpatine- someone who appears to be harmless at first glance, only to possess unparalleled strength, speed, and cunning that they will not hesitate to utterly annihilate you with if you even think about getting in their way.


	63. Do I Love You Even Though You're A Fool

_JP: You don't_ _ **have**_ _to have read the Klema 2-parter of my pal Mr. Coffee's amazing one –shot shipping series,_ _ **Heart-Warming-Java-Shots**_ _but I highly recommend it for a couple of reasons:  
_ **#1** _This one-shot/song-parody was inspired directly by the events that happened in chapters_ _ **7**_ _ **Don't You Forget About Me/ and 8, Ain't Nobody**_ _of_ _ **Forgreatcoffe's**_ _story. It picks up immediately after the events that happened at the Sprocket Wedding reception. Reading it will definitely help my story component of this parody make more sense! :)_

 **#2** _Hello, it's_ _ **Skyefop**_ _, and is it ever romantic! 3_

 _So I hope you enjoy this lengthier than usual Valentine's Day romance homage to my secondary OTP. This waaaay overdue V-Day gift goes out to my good friend and fellow Fredgeworth shipper,_ _ **msyu1! XO!**_

 _CT: I know I may sound like a broken record, but my cowriter is the master of romance scenarios. For even after hearing Edgeworth vocalize his doubt regarding the power of love in "Turnabout Time Traveler", I can honestly picture this sort of thing happening. And while Edgeworth and Franziska are singing this parody, Phoenix is watching from the shadows with a big smirk on his face, whispering "Now who's illogical, Edgeworth?"_

* * *

 **"Do I Love You Even Though You're A Fool"** **  
Sung to the tune of  
"Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful"  
from Rodgers and Hammerstein's  
1997 film version of** _ **Cinderella**_

Maya, Phoenix, Athena and Miles all stared after the forensic scientist and former rock star prosecutor as the duo exited the reception hall together. As soon as they were out of sight, Phoenix expelled a huge breath of relief.

"It's a good thing Klavier got Ema out of here so fast! I've never seen her so steamed! I really do think if she'd had a gun holster attached to her dress she _really_ would've shot us for our Cupid endeavors!"

"No good deed goes unpunished!" Athena twittered. "I wonder, if Ema _had_ been packing heat, which of us would've taken the threatened bullet _first_? Maya and I for _our_ part in the matchmaking, or _Mr. Wright,_ since she's known him the longest…"

"It could have just as easily been _me_ dodging those vengeful gunshots!" Miles glared at the blue defense attorney. "Let the record show _my_ involvement was something Detective Skye was _wholly ignorant_ of – until my alleged best friend fingered me, even though I was the world's most reluctant accomplice to these cockamamie shenanigans!"

"You better believe Nick threw you under the bus!" Maya wasn't even remotely penitent for her boyfriend's loose lips. "If _we_ , along with his employee, had to go down for our noble intentions, you better _believe_ we'd be taking _you_ with us!"

"It's not like we needed to twist your arm to participate in our matchmaking efforts for Ema and Klavier, Edgeworth!" Phoenix chortled. "You know that I know that you know that I know that there was no pulling of teeth required! You _readily_ coughed up that _pertinent information_ that sealed the deal, just like a cat with a fur ball!"

" _Fact_! You aren't fooling anybody!" Athena smiled coyly at the scowling barrister. "I could tell that you were as moved as the rest of us when Ema and Prosecutor Gavin sang that romantic duet tonight! Why don't you just admit you're every bit the diehard romantic that we all are?"

"I shall admit _no such thing_." Miles shifted his baleful glower from Phoenix and directed it at the redhead, who smirked back knowingly. "Not that it would matter, in any case…"

He looked away, feeling his cheeks warm slightly.

"Ahem, I suppose to refute your point would be moot since you can apparently hear other people's hearts, Miss Cykes. Incidentally, such is a most _obtrusive_ trait, might I add!"

"Stop your grumbling, Miles!" Maya grinned impishly. "Are you _really_ going to pretend that, like the rest of us, you're not-so-secretly rooting for Ema and the glimmerous fop to sort things out and finally get together?"

"Nah, Edgeworth would rather have us believe he's still as emotionally constipated as ever and doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. He'd prefer we deem his involvement in trying to get those two together was purely due to peer pressure, nothing more," Phoenix deadpanned. "After all this is the same man who publicly announced in our last courtroom battle that he sees nothing wrong with _wishing to remain unwed_!"

"That's true," the spirit medium recalled, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "I guess Miles is destined to be married to nothing but his _work_ in the end, am I right?"

Miles groaned internally at the reminder of his rash decree during the _state vs. Wyatt_ trial, made purely in the heat of legal battle. Crossing his arms, he did his best to ensure his countenance remained inscrutable.

Unaware of her friend's contemplations, Maya was now flashing a teasing smirk at Phoenix.

"I guess not everybody's a big believer in _the power of love_ like _you_ are Nick, you big sap!"

"I'm _your_ big sap," the spiky-haired man reminded his lover, tapping her playfully on the nose. "What can I say? Sorin and Ellen would make _anybody_ believe in true love! Everyone except my android chum here – wait where did he go?"

The couple had been so wrapped up in their own little world that they hadn't even noticed Miles had discreetly left from the group.

"Did Mr. Roboto just take-off without saying goodbye?" Athena craned her neck as she peered around the crowded room. "How _rude_!"

 _I_ _really_ _need to get home and collect my thoughts about certain things,_ the Chief Prosecutor reflected as he strode purposely towards the exit. _Not that I have any desire to broadcast my personal reflections to those jejune, twitterpated fools, but it's not just the newlyweds that I wish the best of luck. The truth is, I_ _ **am**_ _rooting for Detective Skye and Prosecutor Gavin. Hopefully our endeavors tonight will lead them to become something more. Like Wright and Maya, they too, started out as mere colleagues. Moreover, they've given me further reason to believe that despite knowing someone for years, as much as some things_ _ **remain the same**_ _, they also tend to_ _ **change**_ _…sometimes before you even_ _ **realize**_ _it…_

* * *

His residence wasn't very far away from the Sprocket Park Mooring Dock, and as the slate-haired man stepped into the entryway of his posh, sprawling penthouse, he was still mulling over the niggling underlying issue Phoenix had unwittingly reminded him of.

Something Miles had been denying to himself for far longer than he should have.

 _At last, I'm finally home. I'm most keen to curl up in front of my fireplace, in my favorite armchair, with a glass of wine. My haven bears more familiarity and warmth than I've had these countless days, which have gone so fast with the madness of that Sprocket court case! Whilst it was pleasant to be with my friends at the wedding, I'm happy to return home. I feel like a tortoise retracting into his shell, the troubles of the world evaporating. To anyone else, this is a home like all the others exactly like it on this street, but to me, it is a sanctuary. It is a cocoon, it is rest. I can finally gather some perspective and resolve these repressed thoughts I've been having for far too long about…_

"You _foolish fool_!" An irate voice suddenly snapped from behind him, shattering his reverie. "How _dare_ you?"

Miles reflexively leaped from his cushioned leather seat as the sharp crack of leather lashed against his hand, nearly making him spill the vintage port he'd just poured himself onto his immaculate Persian rug.

The logic enthusiast spun around, quickly placing the crystal stemware onto the wooden coffee table, out of harm's way. With saucer-sized eyes, he then met the fierce glare of a _very_ recognizable femme fatale, who was still brandishing her trusty whip while sparks of rage – and questionable _hurt_ – shot from her silver orbs.

"You are _unbelievable_ , Miles Edgeworth! And I do _not_ mean that as a compliment!"

" _Franziska_?!" The astonished lawyer gaped at his unexpected guest. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't arriving to visit until tomorrow evening!"

"I decided to take an earlier flight because I could no longer contain my rage and disappointment with you, _Little Brother_!" She almost spat out the familiar title, one she hadn't used in years. "I have been seething overseas for nearly the past week now, ever since I saw your latest trial against that foolish Phoenix Wright!"

Miles goggled at her blankly, utterly bewildered by her ire. It had been nearly a decade since his 'Big Sister' had encountered the defense attorney, her old courtroom rival. Therefore, perhaps naïvely, he'd assumed that time had softened her old hostility against his friend, at the very least, into some kind of grudging respect, and possibly some wry affection.

So what in the world could have thus infuriated her about their latest courtroom battle?

 _Is she clinging to her childish vendetta against Wright for breaking her perfect win record and feels resentful against_ _ **me**_ _because I didn't defeat him, thence allowing her to be triumphant by proxy?_

"I see your memory has left you, along with your common sense, you _dummkopf_!" Franziska appeared to have grown further agitated by his nonplussed expression. "Have you honestly forgotten that _any_ cases that involve either of you _Ace Attorneys_ gets televised?"

No, Miles hadn't forgotten. He just hadn't thought she would bother to pay any mind to this, and was straining to excogitate how to proceed without being whipped yet again!

"I am touched you still cared enough to take the time to watch me in action since I know how busy you have been with Interpol over in Europe," he began placidly, keeping a wary eye on her weapon. "Although I remain at a loss as to what it was about _this_ case which has you so up in arms?"

"You really have no idea, do you?" Franziska's anger fizzled then, her voice taking on a more anguished inflection. "Or is it that you simply did not _care_ how much your scornful views on relationships and holy matrimony would affect _me_ at all?"

The realization of what she was referring to hit him then, like a bucketful of ice water to the face.

Franziska was referring, of course, to the various ways Miles dismissed anything even remotely pertaining to his beliefs on matters of the heart during the trial. Such as how he'd harrumphed Wright's saccharine, trite declarations about _the power of love._ And then, on top of that, he'd then superciliously responded to the judge's harmless, (albeit impromptu) query about his own marital status, by declaring that he saw nothing wrong with being unwed… and _choosing_ _to remain that way!_

It'd all been uttered with unthinking waspishness, as he'd been in cold, hard prosecutor mode at the time. Right up until now, Miles had forgotten all about the whole thing! _Anyone_ who knew him was well aware by now that he didn't ever reveal the softer side of his persona in the courtroom – not even to his best friend!

For heaven's sake, he'd also blithely dismissed ever associating with Wright or Maya or His Honor, in any social capacity, despite being fond of _all_ of them, because he hadn't wanted to openly mix business with pleasure! Nevertheless, his friends hadn't held those lofty words against him! _Obviously_ , he hadn't meant _any_ of it, since he'd just come from dancing and mingling with the lovebirds all night at the wedding!

"Franziska…" Miles tried to put a placating hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off as though she'd been scorched. " _You_ of all people should know, more than anyone, how I'm a completely different person when I'm in the courtroom than I am whenever I'm out of it…"

"All I know is that you have not changed one bit over the years, Miles Edgeworth!" She cried, drawing away from him and clutching at her sleeves. "I was obviously deluding myself all these years, thinking that we had grown… _closer_ from all that time we had worked Interpol together. Like a fanciful foolish fool, I actually let myself believe that maybe…"

She shook her head, long argentite tresses falling dejectedly around her ethereal visage, hiding it from his view as she choked out the last sentence.

"Well, it obviously does not matter _what_ I thought, since you have proven that you are romantic as a – _a salad bowl!"_

Miles could have laughed at the absurd comparison, except for the fact that her very prominent angst was no laughing matter. He'd obviously aggrieved her with this supposed revelation she thought she'd made, and while he could take an educated guess as to why this was so, he had no idea how to remedy any of it just yet.

Her next words brought things to a head and were almost as excruciating to hear as they obviously were for her to say.

"I had hoped that the shadows of our past would not cloud our current relationship, such as it were. That the gradual transcending from childhood rival siblings to respected colleagues of equal level to friends would allow things to further continue progress, until perhaps in due time, maybe someday…"

She drew in a shaky breath

"Ultimately, I was wrong. It was all a built-up fantasy in my mind, nothing more. You will never change who you are or the way that you see me, no matter how much time has passed. And that knowledge really hurts. It hurts so much."

"Franziska…" he was a loss for words.

As crazy as it'd seemed at that time the legist desperately wished, with all his heart, that Sorin Sprocket's time machine invention had been an actual, tangible device. If it were, Miles would've surely gone and turned back time. He would have gladly rewound the hands of the clock to those precise moments in the trial when he'd uttered those completely nonsensical untruths about his views on love and marriage, and zippered his damn mouth shut, had he known how much agony his thoughtless statements would've caused the person closest to him.

"I have always prided myself on being a good judge of character, but I have long ago come to terms with the fact that I am far from perfect, ergo neither are my perceptions of people." The beautiful orbs were now two liquid pearls. "Sometimes, you are too close to someone to see the way they really are, the way _things_ really are. Sometimes, you care about them so much that you do not want to. Perhaps the worst thing to realize is that you did not mean as much to someone as you thought."

That was when Miles saw the droplets begin to flow from those normally shuttered eyes, shimmering twin liquid pools, which were now peering up into his mien with unmasked sorrow.

 _Unlike her customary hardened and aloof expression this time, those eyes aren't emotionless; they are strong locks, holding all her powerful feelings within. They're glaciers to keep her heartrending emotions of the past frozen, but it's ice that can no longer bear the torment within her. It's a lock that opened for_ _ **my**_ _sake. This woman is young, but she's certainly a warrior, one who's found the light to continue, even after she's seen the deepest floors of hell._

At last, the source of the tears fully dawned on him, and with it, all his suppressed feelings which had been triggered at last, when his friends had harangued him about being an unfeeling automaton who didn't give a fig about love or marriage. He hadn't cared too much if any of them had believed these things about him. All that mattered was that the woman currently shedding tears over it did as well.

 _In all the years I have known her, I could count on the fingers of one hand many times I've seen Franziska Von Karma cry. The last time I witnessed it was 10 years ago, when I chased her to the airport, and somehow, I am the cause of them, yet again._

Although it was positively gut-wrenching to see, it seemed long overdue for her.

 _Oh, Franziska, let those tears flow. In those salty trickles is who you are - one who feels. You aren't cold like a machine who runs on logic alone, who wants only what it is sensible for themselves. You have emotions so divine, I want to scoop you up in my arms and keep you safe for all time. In a world of hurt, it is human to cry, yet always let the joy in whenever you can. There is love here too, so much love. So let me see those eyes that swim with tears, for they shine with life and the knowledge of who you truly are._

"Franziska listen to me. You weren't wrong in sensing that things had changed between us over the years. I stopped seeing you like my _Big Sister_ a long time ago, for the same motives I can only hope that _you_ stopped addressing me as your _Little Brother_. The only reason I have never addressed this is…"

"DL-6," she finished dully, brushing away her tears. "That has always been the pink elephant in the room betwixt us, has it not? You may not see me as your foster sibling anymore, and perhaps even promoted me to a _colleague_ or even a friend, but you will never be able to see me as anything more, because of that horrible incident, _nein_?"

" _DL-6?"_ He gawked at her in disbelief. " _That's_ what you think this all comes down to?"

"What else am I supposed to think?" Another wet bead rolled down her cheek. "No matter how much time passes, I do not think you will _ever_ be able to lay eyes upon me without being reminded of the fact that _my_ Papa ruthlessly murdered your father in cold blood."

"No! I have never lied to you about anything in all my life, Franziska, and I am not about to start now!" He denied vehemently. "I _swear_ to you that I have _not ever_ held you accountable for the sins of your father, and I _never_ will! If anything, I have always wondered if a part of _you_ would always despise _me_!"

"How could you ever think such a foolish thing?" She demanded, not even trying to hold back the deluge continuing to empty itself down her face. " _You_ are the one who lost everything because of _my_ father!"

"Yet _I'm_ the one who chose Wright to be my lawyer, therefore inadvertently being the reason you lost Manfred in the first place. I thought because of this, that _you_ would never forgive _me!_ "

They stared at each other without speaking for what seemed like ages, the Interpol Agent still hugging herself as she shed tears of relief now that the unspoken truths of their wretched past had been finally brought to light. However, a lingering lament prevailed, because, in spite of all this, nothing else had changed.

"So be it then," she whispered finally, a dull ache in her chest. "We have acknowledged that we do not hold any bitterness or hatred for one another in spite of the horrid ties that bind us. I will take comfort in that. However, even if you _are_ saying you did not mean the things you said about love and marriage, it does not matter, right? Ultimately, even if you _do_ really want those things, it is apparently not with _me_. That is the _real_ reason our relationship, such as it were, has been at a stalemate all these years, is it not?"

Franziska wasn't even bothering to wipe away her tears anymore. It was unlike her to be so candid about her emotions, but here she was, laying her heart on the line to him, even though she thought her feelings were unrequited. This meant in the end, she was even braver than Miles himself. He inwardly cursed his pusillanimity all these years for denying to himself what was now so glaringly obvious.

 _When first I looked upon her comely visage, when I first realized she was no longer the spoiled, tempestuous young girl I once knew and was now a strong, formidable, desirable woman, it was not her grown-up pulchritude that enraptured me. It was not on the perfect features that I dwelled - not the shimmering gray eyes, nor the pomegranate lush lips. Instead, it was the small flaws and insecurities that allured me. The small scar on her shoulder from that bullet wound, the demure, modest smile whenever she was being unpredictably kind, the very slight flare of her nostrils when she's enraged. That's when I knew I had found the person who was perfectly imperfect for me. I can't even pinpoint exactly how long I've felt this way. All that matters is that I do. And it's high time that she knew._

As she choked back another sniffle, Miles fervently wished, with every fiber of his being, that he could dry every tear she'd ever shed, one by one, and ensure that this remarkable _,_ fiery, sweet _dame_ before him never cried another tear in her whole life.

 _Now, when I look upon those features, I lose myself. All the mistakes I have ever made, and there have been many, are gone - every impure thought erased. All negativity is cleansed, almost like a religious experience or spiritual enlightenment. I know her eyes can see through me, but I know they do not dwell on the anger, nor the deceit, nor the selfishness. She looks past every flaw to find the person inside, the real me, and at that moment, I know I'm perfectly imperfect for her too._

"Our relationship has been at a stalemate because I grew up in the same household you did – where expressing sentiment for anything other than ambition or perfection was discouraged and ridiculed. Therefore, I have been an emotionally crippled fool all these years. A coward who has been too scared of these unfamiliar emotions to tell you that my feelings for you _have_ changed; that I stopped seeing you as any sibling of sorts _a long time ago_. That I view you, want you, _yearn_ for you, the way a man does a woman."

Franziska emitted a startled gasp, and he spotted the rosy calescence in her fair cheeks mounting at this unforeseen declaration.

It was all the encouragement he needed.

Miles stepped forward and leaned down so he could stare right into her stunned, tear-stained visage. When she continued to stubbornly cast her shy gaze down at the ornate carpeting under her black boots, he crooked a finger under her chin and spoke, for the first time in his life, not from his mind, but his heart.

"I see I've shocked you with my ardor. I know this is unexpected and strange, but please hear me out. I know I told you I never lied to you… but that was obviously the biggest lie of all. The truth is: I _am_ a liar. I lied. I lied to myself and to you by not making my feelings for you known. But only because I _had_ to. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, Franziska – you were my _mentor's daughter_! Nonetheless, it happened anyway."

Her lips parted in another soundless gasp, and she started to shake her head, as though not allowing herself to believe he was finally uttering what she'd forever longed to hear.

"And it gets worse," he continued earnestly. "Not only am I a liar, but I'm also selfish. Selfish enough to want it all, for I know if I don't have you, I don't have anything. The one trait that remains constant with me, both in and out of court, is that I am ruthless. I _cannot_ and _will_ not give up until I can prove to you that you are the only thing that matters. So even if I hurt you so badly that you want to send me away, or run away as you did 10 years ago, just know that this time, I shan't let you go. I'll just keep running after you. Again, and again, and again. And if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me… I will do everything it takes to make it up to you. Cross my heart."

He lifted her face with both hands now, cradling it in his palms so she had no choice but to look up and see the tenderness in his expression.

"Ask me to define my love for you and I'll say it's captured in every beautiful memory of our past, detailed out in vivid visions of our dreams and future plans, but most of all it's right now, in the moment where everything I've ever wanted in my life is standing right in front of me."

The veracity on his handsome face made her heart fill with so much exultation, she thought it would burst. She had never felt more joyful, or secure, or sure of anything, in her entire life.

 _All I know is that when I am with you, I feel as protected and secure as I do when I have my whip in hand. It is like I am reliving a moment of being carried to bed by Mama when I was five-years-old and fell asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when you are by my side, Miles, it is like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my house. I am comfortable and safe. Moreover, I am_ _ **home**_ _. I am no longer terrified. I always feel at home with him, no matter how far away from home we are. With him, I am free. With him, I am_ _ **me**_ _._

Franziska almost wanted to pinch herself to convince herself she wasn't dreaming. A part of her almost couldn't allow herself to fathom that the most abysmal week of her life could be so quickly swept away by the soothing ointment made by the dulcet proclamations from that beloved voice, by the promise of forever in those spellbinding smoky eyes.

"Do you _really_ mean all of this, Miles? I – I almost cannot believe that this is really happening…that all you are saying is true. I want nothing more in the world to believe you, as I have yearned for this moment, yearning for _you_ , for so very long…"

"For the rest of my days, I shall speak nothing _but_ the truth to you, _Meine Dame_." His cadence turned husky. "Because all of me loves _all_ of you. All your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I'm winning."

He took her hand and kissed it.

"There are so many reasons that I love you, Franziska. Do you want to know why I'm so helplessly and unequivocally besotted with you?"

"Because you have finally released the sentimental fool within you?" She whispered, never tearing her gaze from his as a warm, happy glow began working its way all the way from her head to the tips of her toes. "You wonderful, foolish fool of a man!"

"If that is the case, then so be it," he teased softly. "After all, it takes one to know one, does it not?"

As his rich baritone slowly transformed into the melodious song, it was the diapason of all thoughts and feelings showcasing his unleashed profound and passionate spirit.

* * *

[MILES]  
Do I love you even though you're a fool  
Or is it you're a fool  
Because you love me too?

* * *

Am I delusional that it is true  
All that I feel for you  
You feel it too?

* * *

Do I crave you cuz you make my heart full?  
Or is it my heart's full  
Because I crave you?

* * *

Are you truly perfect as I think you seem?  
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?

* * *

[FRANZISKA]

 _(whispers)_  
Mayhap I am only dreaming all this…Mayhap these are just dreams of fools

* * *

[FRANZISKA]

 _(sings)_  
How am I to believe that it is true  
That such a man like you  
Could love me too?

* * *

Do I crave you cuz you make my heart full?  
Or is it my heart's full  
Because I crave you?

* * *

[FRANZISKA & MILES]  
Are you truly as perfect as I think you seem?  
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?

* * *

[MILES]

 _*kisses her palm then stares deeply into her eyes*_

 _(Murmurs)  
_  
 _Meine Dame_ , too long I have yearned for this  
and now that it finally has, I hope we've started something that will never end.

* * *

[FRANZISKA]

 _*raises a hand to his face*_  
( _speaks_ )

As do I, _liebling_

* * *

[BOTH]

Are you truly as perfect as I think you seem?  
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?

* * *

Franziska was holding both his hands in her own as she peered up at him through her lashes.

"If this is just a dream, Miles Edgeworth, I do not ever wish to awaken again."

"I have no need for sleep when my reality, at last, surpasses even my wildest dreams, Franziska." He stroked her cheek. "Together, we are nothing but the most perfect of fools."

"In your words, I am safe because, in my heart of hearts, I know they are not mere words." She let out a sigh of contentment. "You have been there every month, every year. You have been there in the good times and the bad."

"And I shall continue to be there for you, for the rest of my days." Miles ran his index over her now quivering lips. "I swear this to you, _Meine Dame."_

"Even knowing my faults, of which there are many, you have been there to listen, to defend, to love. You understand my anxieties, my triggers and the ghosts that haunt me, driving actions that are so illogical to others."

Franziska had to brace her hands against his chest to keep from melting into his arms. She first needed to bare her soul, unflinchingly, just as he had.

"In return, I keep you safe with my words, my deeds. In turn, I am the one who will always be there for you, be honest with you, to listen and care. I will not always have answers for you, and you will not always have answers for me, but you will never be alone in your problems and neither will I. So today I will paint you a picture of my love with words, and then every day, I will prove they are true. Now that I have spoken my heart, there is only thing left to say to you, _liebling._ "

The German beauty's eyes twinkled with a naughty glint as she pressed her lips against his fingertip.

"Now satiate my yearnings for you at last and _kiss me_ , you fool!"

" _Your_ fool." Holding her gaze, he said solemnly, "I've yearned, too, Franziska."

She took one step forward and found herself crushed against him, his arms like iron bands around her. His mouth seized hers with fierce tenderness, his hands shifting over her back and sides in a possessive caress, pressing her ever tighter to his chest and hips and legs. Slowly, tantalizingly, he coaxed her lips to part, and when they did, he deepened the kiss. Miles kissed her until Franziska was breathless and leaning into him, fitting her body to his muscled length, her arms wrapped around his neck to hold him closer. When he finally broke the contact, he kissed her cheek and the corner of her eye and her temple, then he laid his jaw against her hair.

"I yearn," he breathed. "I'll always yearn." Against her cheek, his chest felt warm and hard. Filled with heightened desire, Franziska was aching for him to kiss her again. Feeling emboldened, she set about to make it happen again by sliding her own hands along his spine, and when that only made him hold her closer, she took a more direct means.

Tipping her head back, she gazed into his heavy-lidded, smoldering gaze and slowly slid her hands over his firm pecs in an open solicitation, watching the banked fires in his eyes begin to burn.

Miles accepted the invitation by sliding his fingers into the hair at her nape, holding her mouth within his reach as he lowered his head and whispered gruffly, " _Meine Dame_ , how I've yearned…"

 _ **John Legend - All Of Me**_

* * *

 _JP:_ _This song itself goes out to my fellow musical lover,_ _ **Peoplepersonsof DooM**_ _aka my fave funny lady, Lyn, who introduced me the previously unknown works of these musical geniuses, and expanding my repertoire! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 62**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody. And if it's any consolation, I hadn't even heard of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" before writing this parody.

 **JP:** Aside from then covering this movie on _Glee,_ I didn't know this song in particular either because when I read the spoilers and storyline of the movie I realize I no interest in seeing it because it was too bizarre even for me! I mean, evil alien transvestites?! _Really_?!

That being said, you don't have to have a good movie to make great songs or song parodies… Which is which is why we've had so much fun doing songs even from normally sucky Disney sequels! :p

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** I'm glad that you've been loving our parodies. No matter what changes we make, we always try to keep the original spirit because we like the songs and want to give them the respect that they deserve.  
When it comes to Athena, with how bubbly and positive she is, I can picture her being friends with most people she encounters. Heck, I think out of all the non-criminal characters, the only one that she doesn't like is Bucky. However, considering that he came to his own trial more hammered than a nail and started calling her "Miz Chickadee", I think that Athena's disdain is warranted. Even then, I don't believe that Athena hates him, but rather shares Simon's feelings of moderate irritation.

 **JP:** Bucky is second to Wocky Kitaki on the irksome/aggravating defendant scale, although Fox boy is way more abhorrent rather than just being an annoying drunk, so he will always win that battle! If Athena did hate his ass even briefly, who could blame her? _Miz Chickadee_ is a pretty obnoxious nickname although I was giggling maniacally at him calling the brooding and sinister looking prosecutor, "Simey!"

You're not really missing much with _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_. I shall summarize it for you as told by somebody that has seen the movie (not me): Something, something, evil transvestite aliens… The end! It would be nice to see Athena having some friends outside of the agency, and I really have to give kudos to my partner for having her interact with the Turnabout Academy kids. Apollo had Clay and Trucy has Jinxie, so why not let Athena have some friends too? After all they're all about the same ages, and had the same career aspirations, so a duet would make sense. And I think rivals can make some pretty epic friendships… Exhibit A being Wrightworth and exhibit B being Simon and Athena. Whether you ship that him romantically or not they do seem to have a genuine bond based on respect and affection even though the twisted samurai keeps trying to hide his! (psst! He's almost as bad as Edgy when he's trying to be dismissive and lofty – he's fooling nobody!) :p

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** If that's what the light side of shipping is, then I think that most people would actually be grey shippers in that they have no qualms about shipping two characters who have shown no real romantic feelings towards each other together, but only if said characters have good chemistry. In addition to this, grey shippers, while slightly controversial in their ships, are willing to respect other people's ships as long as theirs receive respect in return. For example, people who civilly ship Phoenix and Franziska or Edgeworth and Justine together would be considered grey shippers.

 **JP:** Tim Curry is IT for me, terror clown wise! And while nothing will ever top his performance of an alien tranny, I still loved him most as the evil cardinal in Disney's _Three Musketeers_ live action!

I am blissfully/purposefully unaware of any sci-fic deets of this Palpatine you speak of, although thanks to you I now have the song Rasputin by Boney M in my head. The lyrics work….

Although instead of…

 _Ra ra Rasputin_

 _Lover of the Russian queen_

It's more like…

 _Ra ra Palpatine_

 _Such a butthole and so mean…_

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Don't thank me, thank JP. If it wasn't for her asking me to not touch Armstrong with a 12-and-a-half-foot pole, I would have gone right ahead and written the parody about him and opened a Pandora's box of horrors and mental trauma in the process. Luckily, I was able to easily adapt- especially after I came up with the idea of Robin singing the parody.

Considering that Simon proudly proclaimed that Robin was "the embodiment of the masculine spirit", I think it's safe to say that he immediately booked a month of therapy with Athena after he was released from prison.

 **JP:** Curry is a gifted actor, but I think the reason he's gained so much weight since this role is because he wants to disassociate himself from it as much as possible, even though the man has some nice vocals! Robin is the second case of a female cross-dresser in the series if you count Jean Greyerl, although neither were that big of a surprise I think the latter may have done a better job as she was more subdued Robin was so over-the-top it just reeked of her overcompensating for something in this case lack of male junk! LMAO at the LOTR trivia… It also brings up comical images during the Elizabethan days of Shakespeare plays were all the parts were played by men including the women… They must to have a lot of fun during the Romeo and Juliet scenes! XD

You're very welcome for not using your nightmare inducing phony Frenchman yet again! While I do enjoy my readers having intestinal fortitude, his not so long ago booty shaking scenes in the anime or probably still too fresh in their harrowed minds to have to endure picturing him in another parody! :p

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Poor Pearl? If anyone should be felt sorry for, it's Maya. I know that Pearl was a victim of Morgan's abuse, but at least she didn't have to live under a microscope, having her every little move meticulously judged and being called a disgrace the moment she stepped out of line. Even I- the guy whose main specialty in regards to writing is characters suffering- felt that Morgan outright insulting Misty and Mia right to Maya's face and telling her that she's only where she is because of her bloodline was cold. So while Pearl may have suffered in that she constantly had pressure put upon her, at least Morgan was willing to show her some form of sympathy… which is more than can be said about Maya's life at that point.

Though when it comes to Morgan, I can't find it in my heart to hate her- not because she's a good person, but because she's so pathetic. She grew up in the small world of Kurain Village, probably being in a similar boat as Pearl in that she knew practically nothing about the world outside her little town. So with that in mind, spirit channeling became a very important part of her life from a young age- especially since she was part of the main family and was set to inherit the position of Master since she was the elder sister. However, no matter how hard she tried, she could never attain the same level of mastery over spirit channeling that Misty had achieved, making it where Misty received her birthright and she essentially became the village's laughingstock. And to add salt to the wound, as soon as he learned that Morgan wasn't going to be the Master, her husband left her, seeing her as completely useless.

All of this, coupled with the fact that Morgan had to see her sister living this ideal life on a regular basis- a life where she had respect, influence, and two beautiful daughters with spiritual potential- made her more and more bitter and resentful with each passing day.

However, what truly makes Morgan pathetic is that by the time of "Reunion and Turnabout" comes along- heck, even back during "Waves of Turnabout"- she's still fighting a battle that she had essentially already won. Think about it- Misty's reputation was ruined because of DL-6, forcing her to leave the village out of shame, and Mia left the village years later in order to become a defense attorney, leaving only Maya, who was only in her early teens, if not younger (they never made it clear regarding when exactly Mia left Kurain or how many years she spent in law school), to inherit the position of Master. Since Maya was so young and inexperienced at channeling spirits, this would, in turn, result in most, if not all, political power in the village being granted to Morgan. For all intents and purposes, she was living her dream. However, she was still haunted by her time as an incapable child and felt the need to prove herself by establishing herself as the definitive main family. That's why she was so hard on Pearl; for in that sweet little girl, Morgan saw everything that she never was and wanted to prove that she wasn't worthless.

Though the ironic part is that if Morgan would have put aside her hatred and jealousy and acted like a loving mother figure to Maya, she could have maintained her influence, if not increased it, while also truly defeating Misty by essentially stealing away her daughter and becoming her mother, all without having to spill a single drop of blood.

If they do go that route and have a Misty flashback episode, I would be so ecstatic if they had Gregory make an appearance and help to fan the Gregory x Misty fan theories. I don't care if it doesn't sound plausible, something about Gregory and Misty having a secret relationship that resulted in Mia, Edgeworth, and Maya- all of their first names sound similar and start with an M- feels so right. I could just picture Misty being like Maya and assisting Gregory in a bunch of zany cases.

 **JP:** I feel like they are doing an excellent job with Mia's cases in the anime – they don't feel as rushed as some of the other ones in the past have. Turnabout Memories was wonderful and Turnabout Beginnings show just enough Miego to keep the fans happy without being overly shipping, and yet we somehow made even more tragic since Terry literally died in Mia's arms. The anime also did something which I have questioned in the game which is why Terry Fawles didn't recognize Dahlia earlier and call out to her, but I see that she was masking her face behind that umbrella up until the moment of her big reveal. It was also very interesting that unlike in the game were Miles was in on the whole Melissa Foster cover up the whole time, he was just as ignorant about her true identity until the end. I like the fact that it makes him seem like less of an ass because that would've been a huge thing to hide from the defense. Also, fun trivia, a friend of mine who's played the Japanese version of the games told me that unlike in the English translation Miles still does show some respect for Mia and does not call her a bimbo at all and does refer to her as Miss Lawyer instead.

While I did feel sorry for Pearl when she realized the full weight of what she had done with her unwitting clumsiness, I was absolutely heartbroken for Maya because my headcanon speculating just how far Morgan's abuse went over the horrible years that she was raising her niece was confirmed when I saw the way that she was speaking to her while dogging Maya's beloved mother and sister. Yes Maya showed a lot of maturity and how she handled that whole thing, and I loved the episode because it showed the depth of the love she and Mia (still a hottie in acolyte garb!) shared, and how much she continued to unconditionally love her little cousin, despite the fact that Pearl's mother uses a broomstick as her method of transportation!

That being said, I have no problem hating Morgan, in fact, she is number two on my hit list after the Periwinkle Pisshead. Yes, she is beyond pathetic, seeing as how she's a small-minded village harridan who was never known any true joy or love unlike her sister, but she is still a wicked, soulless which who very aptly spawned yet another one in the form of Dahlia. I do not see her as a sympathetic character whatsoever!

Personally, when I think of characters that I feel sorry for I think a good example would be Acro and Turnabout Big Top. That was a man who through no fault of his own had literally lost everything, his only family in his brother, his ability to perform which was his livelihood, and the only father figure he had ever known and loved because of his misdirected revenge tactics upon the complete bubbleheaded idiot that was Berry's daughter! He actually seemed genuinely remorseful when he cried on the witness stand, and I really hope the prosecutor's office went somewhat easy on him just like hopefully they would've Mimi Miney, given the circumstances surrounding their actions although I still think the paraplegic acrobat was more tragic.

I don't care what anybody says, I love the anime and appreciated even more with its newly improved animation but it's always been good with its songs and storytelling (yes this particular set is shippers' heaven but I digress!) They have given Phoenix way better development in the anime than in the video games and actually do like the fact that they had him grow throughout the case with his hellacious ex-girlfriend while still showing how naïve he was as Feenie at the same time! That being said I don't think the English dub has been released for any of the new seasons, two-part two cases just yet so I may get to see the hilarious pooping and hemorrhoid lines yet!

I am bouncing on the edge of my seat to see how Bridge to the Turnabout plays out this weekend can't wait to compare notes with you! :-)


	64. Irritator

_CT: With how Winston is constantly belittled and overlooked, I wouldn't be surprised if he has a major breakdown one of these days; and when that fateful day finally comes and he can't take it anymore, it will be spectacular. Though knowing how pathetic all Paynes are, the only thing Winston would be able to break would be silence and a few windows, what with how shrill his voice is. That's why we've decided to finally let Winston have his moment of glory- or at least, the closest thing to glory that a Payne can get- in this parody suggested to us by_ _ **TheJadeGrenade**_ _(on A03)_

 _JP: Even if you haven't seen the modern Archie teen soap/musical, most of you no doubt know this song…which my fave funnyman has comically brought to life with the screechy, fretfully forgettable prosecutor. Methinks the surge of brief tinnitus brought on by his nerve-splintering falsetto are part of the reason his name never seems to linger in character's minds, even though the ringing in their ears most certainly does. Also, if he ever went against Big Red, she'd surely consider retiring her attorney badge – or at least need extended medical leave for damage! :p_

* * *

 _ **"Irritator"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Believer"**  
 **from the TV series _Riverdale_**

 _[It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office and Edgeworth was spending it casually reading a case file at his desk. However, his reading was cut short when Winston Payne burst into the office, glaring daggers at the Chief Prosecutor as he squeezed the life out of a newspaper clenched in his fist.]_

* * *

 _ **["You've got a lot of explaining to do, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth!"**_ _Winston screeched as he stormed up to his superior's desk, looking as intimidating as a Payne could look- which is to say, not very intimidating at all.]_

* * *

 _ **["I should be telling you the same thing. What gives you the right to barge into my office without even knocking?"**_ _Edgeworth sternly asked as he slammed his palm on his desk._ _ **"I realize that I haven't been making life easier for you with all of the clutter I've been leaving around this office over the years, but that doesn't give a janitor the right to cause such an outburst."]**_

* * *

 _ **["Objection!"**_ _Winston screeched at the top of his lungs._ _ **"I am NOT a janitor! I am a prosecutor! Though how would anyone know that since you're busy sidelining us American prosecutors in favor of employing foreign guys from the middle of nowhere?!"**_ _The pathetic prosecutor yelled, holding up the newspaper that he had brought with him which contained a large picture of Nahyuta on the front cover and an article detailing how the foreign prosecutor was defeated by Apollo Justice in the case of State vs. Trucy Wright.]_

* * *

 **["** _ **I'll have you know… I'm sorry, what's your name?"**_ _Edgeworth asked with a perplexed look on his face.]_

* * *

 _ **["Payne! Prosecutor Winston Payne, a man who has worked here for over fifteen years and whose brother is the chief prosecutor of the country that you're importing prosecutors from!"**_ _Winston snarled with a slam of his foot._ _ **"I can understand when you choose prosecutors like Gavin, Blackquill, and even that sad Debeste guy over me- they're talented kids who need experience- but when you ignore me during a prosecutor shortage and even go as far as to bring in people from overseas to prosecute cases instead of simply walking down the stairs and handing me a case file, that is where I draw the line!"]**_

* * *

 _ **["Do you truly feel that I'm doing this on purpose?"**_ _Edgeworth growled with crossed arms._ _ **"Do you honestly think that I would spend the money necessary to fly a prosecutor over here if I knew that there was one available in this very building? Perhaps we would be having this issue if you weren't so forgettable, Mister… This is awkward, but I seem to have forgotten your name."**_ _The Chief Prosecutor mumbled under his breath as he adjusted his glasses.]_

* * *

 _ **["PAYNE!"**_ _Winston screeched as he slammed his fist on his superior's desk._ _ **"But if you're having a hard time remembering, then maybe THIS will help!"**_ _The irritating prosecutor confidently stated before breaking out into song.]_

* * *

 **[Payne]**

First I'll say,

I've put up with this abuse for too long,

But now I've reached my limit so I'm fighting back in song.

Do-dooh!

I'm fighting back in song.

Do-dooh!

* * *

Next I'll tell,

How I hate that no one ever noticed me,

Here for at least fifteen years.

A shame, wouldn't you agree?

Do-dooh!

Wouldn't you agree?

Do-dooh!

* * *

My dreams were crushed at forty-nine,

But I haven't let defeat keep me down,

As I'm in court fighting rookies,

Who laugh at me, sneer at me, bluff at me, ignore me,

And win the case in an hour,

Leaving me feeling so sour.

But you'll never see me cower,

Because my name is Winston…

* * *

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Payne!

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…

* * *

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Third point's up,

I may not be very demanded,

But at least my methods have never been underhanded.

Do-dooh!

Never been underhanded.

Do-dooh!

* * *

I'm always lost in the crowd,

A ninja hidden by a shroud,

The sun obscured behind a cloud,

My praises never sung aloud.

They're overlooked,

My wit, good looks, and experience,

Disregarded, disdained,

But now I will scream it so loud,

You can't ignore…

* * *

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.

Payne!

* * *

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Last I'll speak,

About how I possess a noble bloodline,

Related to Auchi the Great,

Who made crooks resign.

Do-dooh!

* * *

Who made crooks resign

Do-dooh!

* * *

His wit, good looks, and experience,

Disregarded, disdained,

But I'll avenge his good name since,

You can't ignore…

* * *

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

Payne!

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…

* * *

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

* * *

 _ **["So, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, what do you think of me now?"**_ _Winston smirked with his hands on his hips.]_

* * *

 _ **["I don't even know how to respond to that cacophonous insult to music, but one thing I do know is that they'll be calling you Gumshoe after I'm done cutting your pay, Mister… What was your name again?"**_ _The Chief Prosecutor asked, a confused look forming on his face as he cocked his head to the side.]_

* * *

 _ **["Forget it!"**_ _Winston angrily huffed as he stormed out of the office, making sure to slam the door behind him as loudly as he could.]_

* * *

 _[After the forgettable prosecutor left, Edgeworth just stared at the door in complete silence as he tried to process just what had transpired. However, that silence was quickly broken when the Chief Prosecutor pulled a notepad and a Steel Samurai pen out of one of his desk's drawers.]_

* * *

 _ **["Note to self: Hire new janitor, posthaste."**_ _Edgeworth mumbled to himself as he quickly jotted down a reminder to himself before returning the notepad and pen to their proper drawer.]_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 63**

 **MSYU1 (via PM)**

 **JP:** Dear, it means so much that you enjoyed your way overdue Fredgeworth dedication, and even more that you took the time to translate it! Thank you so much for being such an amazing friend and reader. :)

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! I am delighted my favourite funny girl like her song-fic dedication even though it took forever to get to it!

Cinderella is a lovely fairytale, and Brandy was a great one, although my inner smartass often wonders random, post happily ever after stuff, like: I wonder Cinderella ever developed OCD from all her years of being a supersonic housekeeper and drove prince charming up the wall with her chronic compulsion for cleaning? :p

I have always loved the romance behind falling for someone that you've known for a while, whether it's colleagues like Klema and Magshoe, or my fave, in the case of best friends like Phoenix and Maya. A unique angle is the case of Franziska and Miles, the beautiful mentor's daughter and the lowly mentee, who only grew up together for a few years because of the huge age gap and he would've left home when she was still very young to go become a prosecutor, were never true siblings because he was never formally adopted and was more a ward of that monster Manfred. They were two emotionally scarred young children and who were thrown together under the worst possible circumstances and still rose above Nosferatu's hate and found love after being raised in a loveless household. Although Pearl holds Phaya as the ultimate fairytale, I think Fredgeworth is its own happily ever after unto itself! :-)

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness and hearts, my friend!

 **CT:** It's parodies like this that make me feel so glad that I'm co-writing this with JP. I may be a master of dark humor and villains, but when it comes to writing works of fluffy romance, I feel like I'm being tortured. Heck, when I tried to write a fluffy family-themed fanfic in the form of "The Imperial Daddy", I was only able to write one chapter before having to resort to focusing on Inga's misery and making up the head canon where he gets bad-touched on a regular basis. However, JP, on the other hand, takes to this kind of material like a fish in water and is able to make magic happen. And working with JP is made even all the better when we're able to create parodies that readers like you love.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I think of _everything_ in terms of rhyme and reason since I started doing this series of song parodies and while I know the name Rasputin is not pronounced to rhyme with Palpatine, in the song that I referenced by Boney M it is indeed sung to rhyme with the word _poutine_. But… it would be really weird to start singing about bad sci-fi guy eating the Canadian delicacy a cheese curds and gravy over fries, so instead I thought of the notorious Russian who was infamous for sleeping of other men's wives under the guise of it being a divine act of sorts! _Ridiculous_? Possibly. But _slightly_ less random than one would think! :p

 **CT:** Not to mention, according to Takumi, Edgeworth's a fan of Trot music and would sing "My Way" at karaoke whenever he, Manfred, or Franziska won a trial. So suffice to say, Edgeworth's a man of diverse tastes.

 **JusticeforNoOne**

 **JP:** I do like weaving other ships into the mix whenever I can, and I have been fortunate enough to have been told by many several writers that I have inspired them in some way with my works, so this was a wonderful case of tit for tat! In this case, it was the work of my good friend Mr. Coffee and his posting of Klema in _Heartwarming Java Shots_ , where those crazy kids got together only after a small village of prosecutors and defense attorneys schemed to get them together! :-)

The course of true love never did run smooth, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful, although I will wholeheartedly agree that Fredgeworth, given the tragic backstory that ever brought them together, is about as complex as they come!

Also, welcome back Rip van Winkle, I have missed you so and I'm delighted that you're still reading and enjoyed the latest songfic! _Muchas gracias!_

 **CT:** Better late than never, that's what I always say. All that matters is that you're here now and that you've been enjoying our parodies.  
You know, I can't think of Sebastian being Edgeworth's successor without the idea of him presenting a barrage of updated autopsy reports or, worse yet, presenting an outdated one and strongly insisting that it's correct for a good ten minutes, only to actually read it and realize that he made a mistake popping into my head. I know that Sebastian has grown as a person since Edgeworth took him under his wing, but no matter how much he changes, there will always be a bit of childlike naiveté in him. Hopefully, Justine's been handling most of Sebastian's trials in order to help things go as smoothly as possible.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I've always been told that anything worth having is worth waiting for or fighting for… luckily I've never need to the latter with your reviews but I totally would because they're always worth the wait, oh honorary Canadian needlessly apologetic buddy of mine!

I hope you find your muse soon, although it's always touching to know a fellow writer takes a break from their zone to read another writer's works – I know how self-indulgent writing can be!

I was unfamiliar with the works of Rogers and Hammerstein until a request for their music was made, but like my favourite funny man, with a lot of these song suggestions, I too, am at the mercy of YouTube, especially for the ones that come from Disney sequels! I did have to look up the song but the minute I saw that involved Brandy and upon further research I saw that it had Whoopi Goldberg _and_ Whitney Houston my favourite singer of all time, I had to watch the whole movie! If you think _my_ work is sweet and fluffy that movie would give you diabetes! :p

Thank you for the kind words about _Turnabout Everlasting_. You're my second reader to mention TE in this chapter probably because that story is so filled with romance and thousands of kisses, which is a subtle prompt to me to get my rear in year and crank out the next chapter! That being said, as you're so familiar with that story, a lot of those kisses go a bit beyond innocent smooches! Ergo, with all their years of pent-up and undeclared ardor between them, it's a pretty safe bet that Franny and Miles's professed yearnings and scorching lip lock definitely lead to some TE reminiscent steam, as well! ;)

 **CT:** I can't speak for my wonderful cowriter who could give Jeff Master a run for his money in regards to creating the sweetest works around, but if it wasn't for YouTube, I wouldn't be able to write a single parody. Y'see, I tend to focus more on the music and less on the actual lyrics when writing my parodies.

Whenever I read JP's romantic works, they never fail to help inspire my creative spirit. They're so heartwarming and handle the characters so well that I can't help but be hit with a torrent of ideas and be imbued with the energy to write them down. It especially amazes me how JP does it since romance and other softer topics- along with the mystery genre- are a challenge for me to write on account of the fact that I tend to be very direct.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** although I can't relate to Franziska personality wise because she is as emotionally constipated as Miles, while I am more expressive with my emotions, I _do_ profess to having an occasionally confrontational and tempestuous personality – minus the whip of course!) I know that _I_ would definitely demand to know if I'd been wasting my time waiting in vain if Miles were the object of my affection and he'd said those stupid things during that court case, and I have been itching for an excuse to write Franziska's reaction to edge words romantic as a salad bowl declarations in Turnabout Time Traveler ever sense! I'm really happy that you enjoyed the end result _Señor Java_. And also I would sincerely like to thank you again for the wonderful Klavier X Ema story which helped inspire this one-shot! :-)

 **CT:** And in order to deal with those unresolved feelings, Edgeworth and Franziska would occupy themselves with their favorite pastimes, with the former binge watching three seasons of 'The Steel Samurai" and the latter whipping everyone in a three mile radius who she sees as foolish.

 **Firi**

 **JP:** About the ending being short… I decided to leave it to my readers to decide, ahem, just where things went after all that romantic declaration between the two Prosecuties – my friend _TheFreelancerSeal_ made it _very_ clear exactly where _he_ thought things lead post lip lock! ;)

Also, I had to try keep things PG, since this is one of my more family-friendly works, and it was already 5000 words… After all this isn't Turnabout Everlasting! XD

I am such a sucker for writing romantic love scenes and conversations between my favourite pairings, and I am delighted to hear that you enjoyed my latest one enough to drop me a line as I don't believe had the pleasure of hearing from you until now, so thank you dear reader! :-)

 **CT:** JP and I always put our hearts into these parodies. So when we see readers loving the dialogue, it really makes our day.

Love it! I especially adore the part where they talk about the situation with Manfred. The emotion and writing there, the way they went through the conversation felt so real. Though I felt the ending itself was a little too short! Thanks for writing this!

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Queen of Fluff, and another friend called me Queen of Steam…as I polish off my tiara on my humbled (and not at all swollen head!), I think, how fitting for me Wright some Edgy romance, as he was _King_ of Prosecutors? :p

I tend to be a fan of pairings that are generally pretty popular in the fandom and Fredgeworth probably is one of the lesser embraced ones, so it means a lot to me to have people say that they love them! Also, thank you for the nod to my baby, Turnabout Everlasting. I've missed writing these two fools! New chapter should be up this weekend! :)

 **CT:** Who doesn't love our favorite cravat-wearing prosecutors? Both Edgeworth and Franziska are like fancy chocolates- they may be hard and crunchy on the outside, but once you get past their cold exteriors, you discover that they're both big softies at heart who you just want to hug. That's why it's so much fun to see Edgeworth and Franziska interact, especially when said interactions are handled by the Queen of Fluff.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** While it is always wonderful to gosh with fellow shippers of my pairings, I do tend to have a special fondness and respect for open minded and readers like you, who can appreciate my works even if they don't have the same _tendre_ for the couple. By the way, whom do you ship besides fluffy animals? The only human ones I know of are Ema X Yuti, Feyt, and Junipollo? Just curious.

No thesaurus is required to have a review be appreciated by the way milady… our frail artistic egos lap up praise in the form of reviews the way a kitten does cream! XD

For the record, lexicons obviously don't exist in Japalifornia since we have one character who abuses the word _fool_ while another one has beaten _putrid_ to death with his holy beads… Is that grounds alone to ship the two of them together you think? :p

 **CT:** When it comes to Pearl, Trucy and the other "Ace Attorney" shippers, you're either with them or against them. So considering that Athena has inherited the role of being Trucy's assistant and therefore now has to place her life in bubbly magician's silk-gloved hands, it would be in her best interest not to be in the latter group and end up as another Gramarye casualty. It also doesn't help that Trucy's technically Athena's boss and can magically make her salary disappear with a snap of her fingers if she ever feels so inclined to do so.

Don't worry about sounding like a broken record in regards to your praises; for when it comes to compliments, they're always welcome.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** funny thing you mentioning Phoenix being the object of hot coffee flung in his general direction by Godot because he blamed him for me as death but I have another speculative theory about where all black coffee bitterness came from, either consciously or subconsciously: the demoness in disguise.

Godot was a brilliant prosecutor (in fact I think he is the best one besides Miles Edgeworth certainly better than Franziska he was very thorough with his research and really made Phoenix sweat!) So I have no doubt he knew all about Phoenix's first trial as a defendant with Mia as his attorney, when he was in a coma. I think a lot of his ire was probably also stemmed from the fact that this trite idiot nearly killed himself trying to defend the Satanic Succubus! The same _diablo_ who stole his life, and any possible future happiness away from Diego Armando, rendering it impossible for him to have been present and have tried to save Mia Fey, the love of his life.

And then because Phoenix was late that fatal night, Godot irrationally just has another reason to hate him for not having gotten there on time and saved his kitten. It's just my own speculation, of course, but I do think there was more to his burning hatred than met the eye… But I think it all came to a head and he comprehended how insane he was being when he was in the position of seeing Dahlia again. That She-Thing has a way of manipulating/exploiting your emotions in the most unexpected of ways, either making you want to die for her, or in this case make you want to kill her even though he knew she was already dead! So how could he fault Phoenix in the end when he was just as guilty of being irrational in that sense?

Having said that considering she was literally a demon that not even a powerful master could contain, I really do think he had no choice in the matter, and it's also why I believe he did not get a full prison sentence and would possibly even be exonerated for the murder as it was self-defense, in defending Maya's life, and any prison time he did would've been for the cover up of the crime scene just like Iris which would have been 5 to 10 years maximum. Hell, it would've been even less possibly since Adrian Andrews was out of prison a year later - jailed in JFA and back and on her feet by the third game!

Hence my belief that Phoenix and Miles did their part in helping him get an early parole and he is now touring the Americas in search of the perfect blend! :-)

I always praise the series for Miles's character development but you did remind me that they've done just as great of a job with Maya. She went from a giddy kid to a nurturing guardian, and you see that more matured loving side of her probably from years of raising Pearl, when she was tenderly speaking to Franziska Junior a.k.a. Princess Rayfa in SOJ.

As for Miego… I'll take what I can get. Mia was an uncharacteristically blushing mess around him at first, indicating a slight crush minimally, and also, we have the intro/outro this season – Mia x Diego shipping heaven amongst my other top 2 ships!

Oh my God you're on the Fredgeworth ship now?! Whoooooooop! No Detective Gumshoe required! I am positively giddy at the notion! Also I hope you turn your illegible scrawls into a Fredgeworth story eventually I will be right there fangirling all over it! You're Debeste!

 **CT:** When it comes to Morgan and Misty's relationship, it's hard to say what they were like in their youths. Personally, I believe that Morgan was a caring sister who always had her sibling's best interests at heart when she was younger, even if she did come off as rigid and stubborn, whereas Misty's personality was a combination of her daughters'- levelheaded, mischievous, and fun-loving with a hint of hotheadedness. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Misty looked up to Morgan and worked hard to become the skilled spirit medium that she came to be known as in order to impress her big sister.

However, no matter how close Morgan and Misty were when they were kids, their relationship wasn't even close to that of Mia and Maya's. For one thing, Mia was willing to leave her life in Kurain so that Maya wouldn't be forced to suffer the fate of becoming a subservient branch family. Sure, Mia's main reason for leaving the village was to avenge her mother, but even if Misty wasn't shamed, there's a good chance that she still would have left- or at the very least denied the position of Master despite her remarkable skills- for Maya's sake. Granted, we don't know the whole story about Misty's career as Master, but based on Morgan's overwhelming resentment, it can be at least theorized that she didn't hesitate to take her sister's birthright when it was offered to her and treated Morgan like second-fiddle.

Had Misty actively stood up for Morgan when she became the village laughingstock or gave her some form of meaningful power or authority, I believe that she wouldn't have become the evil witch we know today- or at the very least, she wouldn't be as inclined to attempt to frame her niece for murder and then concoct a plan to have her daughter's ghost kill the girl.

If there's one thing I'm looking forward to seeing in the anime's "Bridge to the Turnabout" arc, it's Larry trying to flirt with Franziska. Considering that the anime had Larry actually call Manfred an idiot- an insult that earned him a Force snap and an intimate moment with the floor- I can only imagine how they will handle him calling our favorite whip-wielding prosecutor "Franzy", as well as him trying to get her to model for his book.

Though while on the topic, I've always found it kind of weird how Edgeworth's willing to let Franziska be subjected to Larry's sad attempts at flirting. Sure, Franziska has made it clear that she's no helpless child and doesn't need anyone to defend her, but you'd think that Edgeworth- being the protective guy that he is- would confront his childhood friend in regards to hitting on his little sister like how he does with every girl with a pulse who crosses his path.

For me, as I have stated many times to the point where I'm becoming a broken record, one of the most sympathetic villain in the series is Inga. Sure, he killed countless people, kidnapped Maya, blackmailed Phoenix, and used Khura'in's private police as his personal army, but you can't deny that he loved Rayfa with all of his heart and was the only good parental figure, along with Amara/Nayna, that she had. Too bad Inga died so soon into "Turnabout Revolution", otherwise, we could have gotten to see some good character development with him in which we see that while he's no saint, he's also not some heartless demon.


	65. I'm Debeste

_JP: They say beware the ides of March, but I welcome it, because a) we're that much closer springtime now, and b) new month = new theme. This month:_ _criminals, corruption, and justice!_

 _This is por mi buen amigo y querido lector, Señor Java aka ForGreatCoffee. Also, thanks to my hilarious partner, who is way more versed at writing DeWorste clan than I am, for his help with the epilogue dialogue for this parody!_

 _CT: As you can probably guess, this is one of my favorite parodies that JP has created for this fanfic. I just love seeing the mixed anger, irritation, and utter naiveté that results whenever Blaise and Sebastian interact and my wonderful cowriter captures that mood perfectly! So sit back and see just why Sebastian is Debeste._

* * *

" _ **I'm Debeste"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"Be Our Guest" from Disney's  
** _ **Beauty & The Beast**_

"Yay! You're finally home! Come into the dining room, Pops!" Sebastian Debeste cried excitedly, trying not to feel too dejected as he limply dropped his arms back to his sides, as the ebullient hug he'd just greeted his father with had gone unreturned. "I have a big surprise for you!"

"It's late, y'know!" Blaise Debeste growled, barely hiding his grimace as his utter _waste of sperm_ offspring grabbed his hand and dragged him through the grand foyer of the enormous mansion, towards the dining hall. "Shouldn't you be upstairs studying for your big law exam tomorrow, instead of arranging what's sure to be a total waste of _both_ our times?"

"Have a seat, Pops and just relax while the servants get your dinner together," Sebastian coaxed, barely masking his visible hurt at the cold words as he pulled out the plush wingback chair at the head of the table for the older man. "You're looking _trees fatty-gay!"_

"What the blazes did you bray at me, boy?!" Blaise's eyes narrowed dangerously at his son. "Did you just call me _fat_ and _gay_?!"

"C'est français, Master Blaise," Marie, the Parisian head chambermaid intervened quickly, rushing to the Chief Prosecutor's side out of nowhere and dropping a linen napkin onto his lap with one swift hand while laying out his silverware with the other. "As you know, the young master has been studying the language as his course elective at the Legal Academy. He meant to say: _très fatigue,_ as in,you're looking a wee bit _tired_ , that's all! Now please, relax and enjoy the show."

"Well, his accent stinks worse than a fat kid in a clown costume," Blaise grumbled, already pulling out his ever-present lighter and flicking it agitatedly. "Wait – _show_? _What show_?!"

The lights in the room suddenly dimmed, including the great chandelier hanging overhead, and Sebastian appeared in the corner of the room, his trusty wand clenched in his gloved fist, and a dozen of the household servants lined up like a chorus choir behind him, an eager smile on his face.

"Don't worry about my courses, Pops. There's no need for me to study, because there's no doubt I'm going to Ace that final prosecutor exam tomorrow, like I have this entire course!"

 _Sure, thanks to me paying off those corrupt school officials to keep pushing your_ _ **imbecile**_ _arse through,_ Blaise thought sourly. _Feigning your competency didn't come cheap either!_

"After all," the clueless teen prattled on merrily. "There's no doubt I'll nip it in the butt! After all, as _you_ always say, I'm _the best!_ Or rather… cuz I'm _Debeste_!"

 _I'd hoped falsely bolstering his ego would make up for the lack of hugs over the years,_ Blaise lamented disgustedly, although making no move, as usual, to correct the misnomer on the lost cause of a boy. _But all these years of grammar school and the idjit still can't even get a common phrase right?! In context_ _ **or**_ _pronunciation?!_

 _"Ma cherry, Papa_ …" the future DA began, his terrible grammar, coupled with his wince-worthy French accent, prompting his father's eyes to fill with self-pitying tears behind his goggles.

 _Just kill me now!_ Blaise facepalmed. _If my idiot son's total knowledge of law is_ _ **anything**_ _like his grasping of French, the final cost of getting him to become a prosecutor is going to cost me a king's ransom!_

Blissfully unaware of his parent's dark inner monologue, the bowl-cut youth continued with his preamble.

"Allow yourself to be compelled and bemused by this redundant spectacle I will be conducting - and performing! – With our hardworking staff tonight, Pops! So sit back and enjoy our version of a great classic from my all-time favorite movie!"

* * *

 _ **SEBASTIAN**_

 _{Sings}_

I'm Debeste. I'm Debeste.  
I'm a cut above the rest  
Just eat and drink and be merry  
Cuz I'ma ace that test!  
Have no fear  
Father dear  
As you no doubt have observed  
I'm a genius! _Très_ ass-piss-shizz*  
Ignore all slander! Pure delicious! **

* * *

Your offspring's so advanced  
He could be the King of France!  
Second to none cuz y'know he is the best!  
Go ask around and then you'll  
Find out that it's all true  
I'm Debeste  
 _Oui_ , Debeste  
I'm Debeste!

* * *

 _ **SEBASTIAN DEBESTE AND MAIDS  
**_  
 _"Proud of you!_ "  
Is what you'll say  
 _"That's my son, the new DA!"_

* * *

 _ **SEBASTIAN**_

I'll stand tall and flick my hair  
Upon this prideful glory day  
I'm all grown  
And prepared  
Top of class it'll be declared  
See the fruits of all my training  
After tonight's entertaining  
I am shrewd  
And I'm slick  
Like my brain, my wit is quick!

* * *

 _MAIDS_

And your faith is not misplaced  
Don't you forget!  
This boy is full of sass  
But he has won free pass  
Cuz he's the best!

* * *

 _ **SEBASTIAN DEBESTE**_

Don't you stress  
Legal Einstein _and_ Debeste!

* * *

 _MAIDS_

He Debeste!  
He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!

* * *

 _ **SEBASTIAN**_

Law's meant for preserving  
Goddess of Law I am serving  
In hands of justice I place my fate upon  
Oh, those late nights of study were brutal  
Barely getting sleep from dusk till dawn  
My own butt I have been busting  
These raccoon circles disgusting  
So that someday I'd get the chance to use my skills  
Most days I'd ask: " _is it worth all the hassle?_ "  
You'd shout: _"Stop being so lazy! Don't quit now cuz it'd be_ _ **crazy!"**_

* * *

 **BLAISE**  
 _{Sarcastically sings under his breath}_

He's Debeste! He's Debeste!  
Had no clue I was so blessed!  
Thank the Lord he was smothered  
For so long on his mother's breast!  
Has IQ of a flea  
But y'know that's fine by me!  
Bought the false praise I've been cooing  
Luckily that's his undoing!  
Thinks he's smart, but he's not  
Such a pompous little snot!  
How much further can this idiot regress?

* * *

 _MAIDS_

We're all so proud of you!

* * *

 **BLAISE**  
 _{Sings inaudibly}_

Got a bridge to sell you!  
A joke! Debeste?!

* * *

 _MAIDS_

He's Debeste!

* * *

 **BLAISE**  
 _{Smirking}_

Yes… _the_ best!

* * *

 _MAIDS_

He's the best!  
He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!

* * *

 _MAIDS_

He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!  
Prodigy! It is no jest!  
Over the years we've wiped his tears and now  
We'll watch him beat his chest!  
Master Blaise! Be appeased!  
He will be the next Big Cheese  
We'll bask in the glow of knowing  
He's prepped for  
The path he's going  
School is out! It's all done!  
Victory! Hurrah! He's won!  
Come and wish him well upon his legal quest!  
Master come raise your glass up  
Make a toast for your pup  
He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!  
He's Debeste!  
Yes, He's Debeste!

* * *

"AHHHH!" Blaise screamed at the top of his lungs as he sprung up in his bed, breathing shallowly as he squeezed the life out of his red satin covers. "What the hell?! What even _was_ that? There was a mansion, and maids, Sebastian being an idiot in _two_ languages instead of _one_ , and – _**Sebastian**_ …!" The PIC Chairman growled, his eyes narrowing as he was overcome with the usual rage that he felt towards his son.

Being the vindictive, hate-filled man that he was, Blaise wasted no time in getting out of his bed and grabbing his lighter before storming over to Sebastian's room, dressed only in his red satin boxers. Upon entering the room, he saw his little disappointment fast asleep in his bed, having a happy dream if the smile on his face - an act that the corrupt public official would not stand.

So with one swift, powerful tug on the naïve adolescent's comforter, Sebastian was suddenly woken up screaming as he fell to the ground with a powerful thud, tears filling his eyes as he looked up at his father's cold glare.

"What was that for, Pops? I was having so much fun dancing with Mr. Froggy and his talking unicorn, Sir Dippy Whippy!" Sebastian sobbed as he rubbed his knees, which were covered by the red felt of his footie pajamas. "Oh my gosh! I think my knees are scrapped!"

"Good! Now we're even!" Blaise snarled as a large pillar of flame erupted from his lighter. "Y'see, maybe that'll teach you not to appear in my dreams and start singing musical numbers! Y'know, I'm able to put up with all the stupid crap you do during the day, but when you start ruining my sleep with it, that's where I draw the line, y'see! So stay out of my dreams if you know what's good for you!"

"I-I'm sorry, Pops. I-I'll never do it again..." Sebastian whimpered as his father stomped out of the room, grumbling numerous profanities under his breath as he slammed the door behind him.

* * *

 **Sebastian's idiot-speak comedy of error translations:**

 _ ***Ass-piss-shizz – auspicious**_

 _ ****Delicious - malicious**_

 _ **JP: March 10, 2019**_ _brings us the_ _ **1 year anniversary**_ _of_ _ **Singing In The Courtroom!**_ _Wow! Time has just flown right by! We've had such a blast making music for our wonderful readers! Stay tuned for our special tribute to mark this amazing milestone! :)_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 64**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** True, Winston may not be the most polite of people when it comes to dealing with rookie defense attorneys, but at least he's never resorted to name-calling when they counter his arguments- I'm looking at you, Edgeworth. Don't get me wrong, that novice bimbo comment never fails to make me burst out laughing, but for a man who prides himself on being a refined intellectual, that was a low blow on Edgeworth's part. Heck, even Franziska and Godot, two of the sharper tongued prosecutors in the series, have never stooped to that level.

 **JP:** I actually am unfamiliar with Imagine Dragons' works other than the amazing "Believer" – what else have they done that was a hit/you'd recommend checking out?

I do feel a bit sorry for the elder Payne at times, because he's the DA laughingstock and compared to his vile brother he's a _saint_!) But like you said, he's one of the more honest prosecutors out there a man completely without any corrupt games or gimmicks which is probably why he lacks presence and is resorted to screeching! It's the only way to stand out compared to the others! That being said there is an amazing one-shot written call the most honest prosecutor I've ever known or something to that effect I can't member the author's name, but Phoenix actually does pay his respects to Winston before the older man retires, and congratulates him on being the most honest prosecutor he's ever known. It made me respect the man of earsplitting decibel just a tiny bit more after that. :-)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** On the contrary, I feel that Winston is actually the more competent Payne brother. Sure, Winston isn't a threatening opponent in the slightest, but at least he can justify his failures with the fact that he plays fair. But what's Gaspen's excuse? He plays dirty and still somehow manages to royally mess up. Heck, the only time he's been able to garner any success was when he moved to a country where there were no defense attorneys to oppose him, unlike his brother, who was actually able to have a seven year win streak.

Though as for Winston's purpose, don't forget that he taught Phoenix everything he knew. But in all seriousness, if it wasn't for Winston, every villain in the original trilogy, and by extension the "Investigations" series, would have never been brought to justice. Think about it, if Phoenix's trial in "Turnabout Memories" was prosecuted by someone the likes of Blaise, Edgeworth, or Franziska (I could just imagine how little 13-year-old Franzy would react to Feenie in all his cringe-worthy glory), Mia would have been steamrolled and he would have never become a lawyer. Furthermore, if Winston wasn't, well… Winston, Apollo would have never had the chance to work for Phoenix and therefore wouldn't have been able to liberate Khura'in from Ga'ran's iron-fisted rule. So despite Winston not being the most formidable of opponents, he technically helped to free a country and take down a number of corrupt officials.

 **JP:** Winston is such a pompous little pipsqueak that even if he were regulated to a janitor he probably insist on being called something that he deemed more dignified such as _resident stationary engineer!_

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Thank you for giving me that image that shall haunt my dreams for the next week. I swear, it's that kind of imagery that B-grade horror movie villains are born from. All Winston needs now is some sleazy motel in the middle of nowhere and a young, happy couple whose car has broken down in front of it to kill.

 **JP:** When the request was first made, I also thought they meant the _Shrek_ immortalized (shameless plug self-insert: which me, ThePudz and Yanmegaman used in our Yatagarasu triad _Say Hello To Yesterday_ ) which I only knew as Smash Mouth's _I'm A Believer_ which at the time I didn't know was a cover, but nope they meant _Believer_ by Imagine Dragons – and I could not name another song by them if my life depended on it! BTW, did you hear the lead Monkees singer, Davy Jones, just died? RIP dude.

I do feel bad for poor Winnie at times – he gets no respect, and nobody ever recalls his name. However, compared to his corrupt bro, he's a real _pip_ (and no not the _squeak_ variety in this case albeit not untrue!). I'd be rooting for him to be the underdog who came through for the Prosecutie office in the unsolvable mystery scenario you hypothesized. Maybe it could be a murder mystery were Khura'in Galadriel was the victim? XD

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Frankly, I'm just as surprised as you are- more so by the fact that I was leading both parodies. Heck, when JP and I first started this fanfic, I didn't think that either Winston or Gaspen would get anything due to them being, well… them.

If it's any consolation for Winston, at the highest point in his career, an inchworm could have probably dwarfed him in terms of size and memorability. So to fall from that height, it probably didn't hurt his ego too much. Though for Winston, ending up in a dumpster would probably help him out since he'd probably find a piece of human trash who would boost his spirits by going on a tangent about how he's a steppingstone of hope for much more capable defense attorneys.

 **JP:** Payne's delusions of grandeur are either chalked up to the same as Bitchtoff Gavin – possibly _too_ many hugs as a child, or else we are talking Napoleon/pipsqueak complex at its finest. Still better than his bro, the turd-fondling shit weasel, but I digress! Tweedle Screechy and Tweedle Slimy give us waaaaay too much material to be anything less than the greasy human equivalent of Lay's potato chips – _betcha can't have just one!_

As for Miles forgetting his name – it's as canon as Phoenix forgetting both shady sibs' monikers as well – in the Mils 2 games Winston is talking to him about an witnessing an assassination attempt, and Edgy was all – "hold it! WHO are you, again?!" :p

Assault to the ears/senses would definitely be brought up as a charge if the elder Payne ever caterwauled – I'm amazed nobody has done it just from being in the same courtroom as him though. Athena would be sure to have one hell of a case! XD

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** You can't fire someone if you don't know that they work for you. Though the bigger question is how Winston, despite being so bland and forgettable in the eyes of his coworkers and superiors, manages to get cases period. Does he sneak into Edgeworth's office in the late hours of the night and steal case files for small incidents that none of the other prosecutors want? The sad part is that the only time in the history of the series when Winston was the go-to prosecutor was probably during "Turnabout Trump" when Edgeworth wanted to help Phoenix out by assigning the most incompetent-looking person he could find to handle the case. But then again, when Edgeworth gave Winston the case, he probably thought that he was giving it to the janitor and was legitimately surprised to find out that he entrusted the task to an actual prosecutor.

In regards to the version of the song used for the parody, I just typed "invisible dragons believer" and clicked on the topmost video in the results.

I wouldn't be surprised if Trucy tried to dangle Athena's paycheck in front of her face in an attempt to hypnotize her at least once, only for the yellow-cladded attorney to pretend that it worked just to avoid her boss' wrath. However, Athena probably stopped the act once Trucy ordered her to kiss Phoenix's toilet brush. Though speaking of which, in your list of ships, you forgot to include Phoenix x his toilet.

 **JP:** Hello milady. Absolutely it was the Imagine Dragons song "Believer" that was used in the show _Riverdale_ , and never even occurred to me to write down the original artist because most of the musicals me and my partner have done used their own original songs which we satire, with this one being an exception, so sorry for any confusion.

I guess it's up to fan speculation to decide whether or not Gaspen left the prosecutor's office in shame after the events of Dual Destinies, and ran to Khura'in with his tail between his legs or if Edgeworth did the ultimate long overdue chief prosecutor duty and fired his ass… Personally I prefer to think it was the latter! XD

That being said there the squawking siblings are exempt from my personal head canon of having any singing/musical capability unlike the rest of the Ace Attorney cast… Although for some reason I like the idea of Winston being able to play a kazoo/harmonica since he is the most disrespected in the prosecution office… I imagine he played the blues very well!

Interesting we do have a few ships in common after all! Because I work with so many multiple characters in my stories it's hard for me to give wonderful overlooked ones from the Miles games such as Raymond Shields much-deserved time "onscreen" but I did throw in a line or two in TE about him and Katherine Hall now being happily married because I love those two :-)

Also hail Miego and Ryusato and Larris being shipping trash!

You are not the first person to mention Clay X Athena, which although a pseudo-crack pairing is definitely is an adorable one as well as Athena X Klavier (even though I prefer her with Apollo on pretty open-minded about these things I also don't mind Apollo X Pearl or Apollo X Ema even though I'm a diehard Klema girl!) because I have really enjoyed writing the adorable ill-fated astronaut myself and he was such a cutie pie! Also nothing wrong with a kiddie crush on Franzy Jr… heck when he's 21 and she's 26 or so, it would make the age gap less noticeable if they ever got together! :)

It's funny you mentioned Phoenix X occupation if I didn't ship Miles with Franziska I would ship him with his tea or with logic, myself! :p

If Trucy ever does hypnotize Athena I'd say she has to work a bit more in her skills, since last time we saw Big Red as her reluctant assistant she was still running away swiftly and in terror, on her own free will!

Always a pleasure to hear from you, thanks for the kind words and see you next chapter! :-)

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Fittingly, just as Godot was unable to see red on white, he was unable to see how Mia's murder was all Redd White's fault.

That scene where Maya, Misty, and Pearl are talking is made even better when you remember Misty's reason for being there in the first place: to protect her daughter from her sister and the vengeful ghost of her niece with a sword cane. But really, I still can't get over how ridiculous that plan was. If there's any proof that Misty loved Maya with all of her heart, it's the fact that she heard that ludicrous plan from the "Ace Attorney" series' coffee-loving equivalent of Darth Vader and felt that it was actually a good plan. Really, what was Godot trying to accomplish? I know that he was consumed with revenge and wasn't thinking clearly, but what exactly was he hopping to do that couldn't have been done by simply beating Pearl to Kurain and destroying the letter? My money's on Godot just wanting an excuse to do what should have been done a long time ago by punching Dahlia square in the jaw.

Sorry about the rant. While I love "Bridge to the Turnabout", if there's one thing I can't stand about it, it's that Godot's plan was so ridiculous and flawed that it makes me think that more than just his eyes and follicles were damaged by that poison. And what makes things even worse is that instead of manning up and admitting that he was at fault, Godot had the audacity to push the argument that Maya, the girl who he wanted to protect with tat crazed plan of his, committed matricide. But still, despite all that, Godot had better reason and motivations behind his actions than Nahyuta.

And now the anime is getting to my favorite part of "Bridge to the Turnabout": Edgeworth and Gumshoe investigating Hazakura Temple and interacting with Larry. If the previous episodes are anything to go by, we're going to be in for a treat. Hopefully, they'll keep the part where Gumshoe does his epic objection while having him blast Larry back with a mighty gust of air!

 **JP:** Your referencing of the last episode of the anime as Phoenix vs. Bridge made me think of that amusing song called "I Fought The Law And The Law Won" (or rather: _I fought the bridge and the bridge won_ ) because although Phoenix was still undefeated at this point, minus the one case he threw in JFA, Wolverine fought Dusky Bridge and the _bridge_ _technically won_ , even though he escaped the treacherous raging river below relatively unscathed!

It was nice having Franziska be supportive towards Miles and openly lie for him in court the way she did… The even made her less scathing and took out the original line about how _no such weakling as this man is in the prosecutor's office_ , which was awesome and totally the premise I used for my _Moana_ parody, _"Gern Geschehen!"_ :p

Those brief scenes with Misty and Maya tugged at my heartstrings as well. I'm not sure if Misty recognized her daughter because she is her mother or because she had been secretly keeping tabs on her girls all these years I also have a head cannon that while she may have hidden herself or disguised herself she was also there for Mia's funeral –there's no way she doesn't know that her elder daughter has passed!

I am pretty neutral about the character of Iris and when I write her, I actually like her very much – but she's too meh for Nick, which is why I ship him with the forever feisty Fey. So yeah, okay about sums her up in general – just… not with Phoenix. This is not because she's a horrible person, although I wasn't really overjoyed by what a doormat she was in the sake of sibling love, not to mention desecrating the body of my favourite female character's dead mother, but because I find the character pretty get very bland although will acknowledge that they drew her nicely in the anime and she does look prettier and less elfin than Dahlia.

Seeing defense attorney Edgeworth was pretty awesome, and I have the game on switch and am not replaying the original trilogy they definitely made Edgeworth less of a prick in the anime than in the games, which just makes me love his character even more!

Edgeworth belongs in a Victorian Dickens novel! I know the Capcom artwork has actually wearing a full set of pink pajamas but since he goes to sleep with that ridiculous On his head he may as well just have the long night shirt just like Ebenezer Scrooge! Also I left the hospital scene it played out pretty much the way I always imagined it in my head, plus this episode actually did solidify the fact that the two men are at this point, verified to be best friends, something they never cemented us fact up until Spirit of Justice in the games!

Jealousy is an evil emotion that can twist the green eyed monster in question into an abomination of their former selves. There doesn't even have to be a viable or rational reason for it… Because it could hardly be helped that Misty had a caring husband while Morgan did not, any more than it would make sense to hate somebody because they're more attractive than you… I do believe spiritual powers, like looks, are to a certain degree not something you achieve but something you're born with, and training can only help you enhance that but not develop it if there is nothing there. Let's just say I'm all too familiar for reasons I won't get into, just how deep and evil and twisted sibling jealousy can be, and I have very little sympathy for the person that allows that kind of darkness to come into their heart and consume them.

I share your thoughts about Inga by the way… It doesn't really matter if there was one person in the world that he loved, in this case is adopted daughter, when he was a murdering piece of human excrement in every other way. Would Hitler be any less of a despicable nefarious character we found out that he visit his mother every week and brought her flowers? That being said, there are some people who make me like a character or at least appreciate certain things about them if they are well written fanfiction for example I have some respect for Winston Payne because there was a one-shot fanfiction portraying him as the most honest prosecutor Phoenix had ever met, and the former justice minister, while not likable or redeemable in any way, can certainly be seen as a somewhat sympathetic character because of the hilarious way his nightmare marriage as the bitch of the spider queen is portrayed by my sidesplitting copilot in his fanfictions! XD

While I'm more likely to sorry for Winston than I ever will for his wretched c*ck sneeze brother, as he is the lesser of two evils, he will always be an easy punching bag for comedic purposes so I plan on using both boxing gloves whenever we see him in my stories! ;)

Cheers to you dear reader,

JP


	66. 1-Yr Anniversary JP & CT Double Special!

_CT: I can't believe it's been a year since we started this fanfic. I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. Why, it feels like just yesterday when JP asked me if I wanted to work on this fanfic with her and we wrote our first parodies. Ahh... the early days of this fanfic... like the scent of lemons, you see. Ok, I'm going to stop that line of thought before I start talking about hemorrhoids. Anyways, here's my contribution to our anniversary special with a parody harkening back to the second parody featured in this fanfic, only instead of having Manfred boast about how he's God's gift to prosecutors, we have Blaise singing about how he rules the world with his iron fist of corruption._

* * *

 _ **"Prosecutemon World"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of the Season 2  
extended theme version  
** _ **"Pokémon Anime – Pokémon World"**_

Yeah… Yeaaah…  
I'm the best.  
Yeah… Yeaaah…

* * *

Wanna know who's the best?  
I'm the best!  
I love to torture with,  
Peerless zest!  
Wanna know who's the best?  
I'm the best!  
I hate my idiot son,  
Like a pest!

* * *

I wanna spread my dark corruption,  
Like an evil wave of woe.  
(I'm the best!)  
So watch your back and don't forget,  
Just who's running the show.  
I wanna reach heights no one's seen,  
Lording over all.  
(I'm the best!)  
I strive to make the world Hell,  
With the power on my lapel,  
Y'see!

* * *

We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!  
(The overlord!)  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Y'see, it's not a test,  
To see I'm better than the rest,  
Y'know!

* * *

Yeah… Yeaaah…  
G-G-Gotta cry.  
Y-Yeah… Y-Yeaaah…

* * *

Every time that I'm opposed,  
I'm always ready.  
(I'm the best!)  
When an idiot stands to fight,  
They've disappeared already.  
(I-I-I'm the best!)  
In my heart, I'm certain,  
Of the monster that I am.  
I'm here, bullying all,  
And to show the world I'm the best,  
Y'see!

* * *

We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!  
(The overlord!)  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Y'see, it's not a test,  
To see I'm better than the rest,  
Y'know!

* * *

Wanna know who's the best?  
I'm the best!  
I love to torture with,  
Peerless zest!  
Wanna know who's the best?  
I'm the best!  
I hate my idiot son,  
Like a pest!

* * *

I'm the best!  
G-G-G-Gotta cry…  
I'm the best!  
With the power on my lapel.

* * *

Y'see,  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!  
(The overlord!)  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Y'see, it's not a test,  
To see I'm better than the rest!

* * *

Y'know,  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all,  
With the power on my lapel!  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Y'see, I won't jest,  
That I'm better than, better than, better than all the rest!

* * *

We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!  
(The overlord!)  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Y'see, it's not a test,  
To see I'm better than the rest!

* * *

Y'see,  
We all live in a Debeste world.  
(I'm the best!)  
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!  
(The overlord who's the very best!)  
We all live in a Debeste world.

* * *

 _JP: Special (1-Year) Anniversary Duet Bonus feature - Part 2! That's Wright - a 2 -4 -1 double hitter, with me doing my own throwback to the Disney flick that got the ball rolling with, Mulan! Unlike CT though, my unmentionable sequel had nothing worth mentioning not only plot-wise, but song wise, so here is the one ear-worm from the movie I haven't covered yet, featuring my favorite loathsome gangsta wannabe, **Daisy Duck!** (Keep reading to find out why I've made that his new nickname – thanks for that whole Merkatis shtick, CT!)_

* * *

" _ **Dishonored Us All**_ "  
 **Sung to the tune of "Honor to Us All"  
from Disney's** _ **Mulan**_

"I don't know how I can ever show my face again in public after your inexcusable hooligan behavior in the courtroom, Wocky!" Plum Kitaki exploded as she paced the living room, all the while shooting daggers at her petulant son, who sat with crossed arms on the sofa and refused to look at her. "Rather than being grateful that Mr. Justice cleared you of all charges, you instead insist on acting like a spoiled, entitled brat over our change of family business! You're lucky your maternal Grandma Peaches, wasn't alive to see your shameless behavior! She would be as embarrassed by you as I am!"

"And _my_ father, the great Shiitake Kitaki, would be spinning in his grave from the ignominy you have brought us!" Winfred added ominously. "He wouldn't have thought twice about taking a switch to your overly coddled behind, either!"

" _Disgraceful_!" Plum spat.

" _Shameful_!" Winfred agreed wrathfully.

Wocky continued to silently huff and ignore them both, which only made the former mobster couple even angrier.

"Looks like we aren't getting through to him, dear." Winfred crossed his arms over his barreled chest. "When words don't do the trick…"

"Looks like we need to use a more melic method for this argument," Plum nodded readily as she and her husband burst into song.

* * *

 _ **[Plum and Winfred]**_  
 _[sing]_

You are the son we've been dealt with  
Could you be any worse?  
Fortune shall make you next heir  
But you're more a curse

* * *

We should have whipped your hide  
For the fact  
That you are spoiled and snide  
Because of you we can feel no pride  
You have dishonored us all!

* * *

Speak like thug!  
Fox hairdo!  
Brings us great shame to be seen with you  
Where'd we go wrong?  
We don't have a clue  
You have dishonored us all!

* * *

A boy should bring his family  
Great honor for all days  
But first you must detach  
Yourself apart from your goon ways!

* * *

Girl want boys with good face  
Not a furry  
Complete disgrace!  
Screams ill-breeding  
With your fashion taste  
You have dishonored us all!

* * *

We all will become bakers now  
Surrender all our guns  
To keep you safe from harm  
Since you're our only son

* * *

As a "G"  
Epic fail  
Hoodlum life has been  
Beyond the pale  
Land in jail again we'll  
Say "no bail"  
You have dishonored us all!

* * *

Boy, get ready  
Straight path  
No more speaking obscenity  
A chance to be valiant  
Our honor is your duty  
You must proudly show it  
Haircut! Change fox to sweet woodchuck  
Cuz all mob ties we cut!

* * *

 _[Wocky]_

Moms and Pop!  
You feel me?  
Can't be nuttin' but a  
Straight up "G"!  
Don't give a hoot  
For a bakery!  
All your shizz be just banal!

* * *

 _ **[Plum and Winfred]**_

Defy us – meet undertaker!  
Hail your fate as troublemaker…  
You will be  
Prison bitch  
Best hope for you  
Would be Warden's snitch  
Wife of Bubba  
A more likely sitch  
You'd be his porcelain doll

* * *

You have dishonored us!  
(You have dishonored us!)  
You have dishonored us!  
(You have dishonored us!)  
You have dishonored us all!

* * *

 **[Winfred]  
** _[Grim expression]_

This will be your life if you don't straighten up and give up your hoodlum ways, son…

* * *

 _[Wocky]_  
 _[Stamps his foot and scowls]_

Whaaaaat?! That song was colder than dirty Yeti junk, man!  
Moms! Pops! Why you gotta play me like that?!

* * *

 **Winfred**  
 _[stern glower]_

Son, not only are you an embarrassment, what with making yourself look like a fool in less than ten minutes of the trial starting by not only threatening the Judge…

* * *

[Plum]  
[ _Glares_ ]

And this was in spite of your father and me practically on our knees before your trial, profusely begging you not to do anything stupid! But then, to make matters words, you used the term "quacker!" I understand why you would think Meraktis was a quack, but really, _quacker_? That sounds like something a 5-year-old would say to appear to be a ruffian, not a 19-year-old man-child, _wannabe mobster!_

* * *

 _[Wocky]_  
 _[Chin wobbles as tears fill his eyes]_

Dang! _Moooooms_!

* * *

[Winfred]  
 _[Hands on hips]_

I am _still_ recoiling from the embarrassment I endured in having a son who felt that "quacker" was the perfect "bad boy" term to be the perfect foundation on which to build his reputation as a hardened criminal! With that in mind, it probably would have served you right if you _had_ ended up in prison on bogus murder charges, being forced to work in a chain gang amongst fellow inmates who would thereby dub you the nickname, _"Daisy Duck!"_

* * *

 _[Wocky]_  
 _[Cringes and swallows hard]_

Fine! Whatevs! We be bakers then, yo!  
But can we at least call our shizz "O.G. Crackers"  
instead of "O.G. "Muffins?"

* * *

[Plum]  
 _[smiles hopefully]_

Well, the fruit of our loins _finally_ seems to be coming around to embracing our new, 'clean' family business…

* * *

 _[Wocky]_  
 _[Strikes a fake karate stance]_

Cuz "O.G. Crackers" sounds _tight_ , ya feel me? And this way, we still be getting' _some_ street-cred, yo! Bizzoy!

* * *

[Plum]  
 _[groans]_

 _And_ …I spoke to soon…

* * *

 **[Winfred]**  
 _[sighs]_

Alas, Plum, my dear, in the quest for someday  
"standing tall" it still seems we have a _long_ way to go…

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 65**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Yes, this dream much like everything else that built up to his inevitable downfall in Miles 2, was his own doing. Hell, I'd say it was his subconscious guilt of being a craptacular father manifesting itself in his dreams, if I thought he had a conscience! After all, Blaise is such a sociopath that if he murdered someone – oh wait, he _did_! – he probably convinced himself that the victim had it coming

Although Sebastian was a pitiable character, he was still the mother of all idjits, so indeed, that mansion was sitting on a not a just a _throne_ but _foundation_ _of lies!_ That song must have pushed it to the limits!

So glad you liked your request enough to get it stuck in your head, amigo! ;)

 **CT:** Thankfully, that mansion is probably covered by lie insurances; and even if it isn't, Blaise would simply commit insurance fraud and claim that it is.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Don't worry, if laughing at the mental midget, Sebastian's, latest story of parental abusive treatment makes you bound for hell in a basket, I shall be joining you in the toasty fires, milady, as my hilarious copilot was responsible for the ending part of the song-fic post lyrics, and I nearly fell off my chair laughing! XD

See you on March 10, our 1 year anniversary, milady!

Signing off as JP, creating that elusive blend of comi-tragedy since 2015! :p

 **CT:** You just managed to summarize the tone I aim for when writing fanfics centering around Blaise and Sebastian in a single sentence.

Blaise is a psychopathic, sadistic, megalomaniacal man who's as patient as Wocky is respectable, whereas Sebastian is the complete opposite. Think about it- we're talking about a guy who proudly boasts about how he would give the criminals he would prosecute false hope by offering them a plea bargains, only to brutally rip it out of their hands by using their confessions against them during their trials to get them life sentences. Heck, not even Manfred was that cruel. Sure, Manfred has ruined countless lives for the sake of his record, but at least he's honest about how cruel he is. When a defendant sees Manfred's merciless gaze and condescending smirk, they're fully aware of their fate from the get-go. Heck, Blaise has gone on record stating that "women appear before me and then disappear, disappear and then reappear". So with that in mind, any child who has the misfortune of winding up in his custody, no matter how intelligent or kind they are, is doomed to a life of misery and torment.

As for why other people treat Sebastian horribly, that question has a simple answer. You see, that's due to Sebastian suffering from the problem of trying his best to look competent in a vain attempt to impress others and his father, only for his efforts to backfire horribly when it's painfully obvious that he doesn't have single clue about what he's doing.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I'm trying to find something admirable about the completely irredeemable Blaise Debeste, I really am, and I can only be give credit to the fact that he was literally a Dr. Evil worthy level of evil genius who got away countless dastardly deeds for so long, he was possibly the DeWorste villain in the entire series. I mean, being the one essential responsible for DL-6? HUGE!

That being said, I can't think of a damn thing he would've liked about his poor whipping boy of a son. He was such an egotistical S.O.B that maybe he was grateful Sebastian was at least male, which could've been seen as a sign of masculinity/virility by an egomaniac like him?! Yeah I know, I'm _really_ reaching here…

 **CT:** Knowing Blaise, the only thing he likes about Sebastian is the fact that his son gave him a very strong case when he decided to sue the condom company that produced the defective rubber that led to the boy's conception. But then again, there's also a chance that the only reason why Sebastian didn't disappear around the same time his mother did is due to Blaise keeping him around for things like spare blood, bone marrow, and organs.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Please don't remind me about your Wendy Assbag nightmare fuel. I still shudder to think of what she's doing with Edgy's under the nut hut! XD

Sebastian was such as despised character for me until I realized just how truly pathetic his situation really was. I suppose Manfred was marginally better only in the sense that he raised two children who ended up being geniuses in their field underneath his iron fist, which even if one of them he didn't give a crap about, still probably made him look like all the more brilliant of a mentor to the rest of the world. Blaise… Raised a complete idiot on purpose. So as far as redeeming qualities go and fatherhood like I said to another reader, I truly have nothing.

Well I know who to make my anniversary/birthday dedication to now! My favourite funny lady, Lyn! :)

 **CT:** If it involves Oldbag, then I truly believe that it was traumatizing and desire not to know any more details.

Given the choice between Manfred and Blaise, I don't think there's any doubt that the former is the lesser of two evils. Sure, both men are despicable human beings, but at least Manfred is capable of showing respect his children- even Edgeworth, the son of his arch nemesis and the boy who shot him in the shoulder. Not to mention, Manfred's slightly redeemable due to the fact that all of his actions aren't done out of enjoyment, but rather for the sake of doing his job perfectly. However, Blaise acts like a prick purely for his own amusement, as seen by how he visited Edgeworth's cell just to see his adversary squirm.

When it comes to the concept of Blaise dying, I'm nihilistic on the matter- not because he doesn't deserve it, but because he wouldn't be suffering by the end of it. Sure, Blaise would be in pain if he was ripped to shred by his own minions like Scar was, or fell off a building and into a sea of fire like Frollo, but he's the kind of guy who's so despicable, twisted, and hate-filled that he would be ruling Hell and have Satan curled up on the floor in the fetal position crying within ten minutes of showing up. Heck, I could imagine it being like that episode of "Boondocks" where Satan was so impressed by Stinkmeaner's level of evil that he allowed him to return to Earth to wreak havoc by possessing Tom.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP** : Writers are artists too, so we're just as angsty and self-deprecating as the next, bud. Ergo, I've never been 100% confident in my comedy skills, so hearing I make wonderful readers like you laugh really makes my day! Also I'm an Eastern Standard Time so at press time of posting this chapter and review replies, it is still March 10 ergo still our one year anniversary for _Singing In The Courtroom!_ :-)

I am happy that this song sufficed in lieu of the one from the karate kid which is a retro classic and one of my favourite tunes and has been shamelessly used in countless media!

RIP to the late great Jerry Orbach, who when he is not being fondly remembered as the father of one of my top 10 favourite movies, _Dirty Dancing¸_ will be forever immortalized as a singing French candle! Lumière was the Debeste! As for Blaise Debeste, just take the power-hungry megalomaniacs that are Damon Gant and Manfred Von Karma, mixing a dash of pyromania, then and add crocodile tears behind goggles and a ZZ Top beard and you have Sebastian's abusive fart knocker of a father! The Debeste family is a favourite of my hilarious copilot to write, and with good reason… CT somehow makes parental abuse seem funny and if he ever met Sebastian in the Miles 2 game, although he was a victim in the end, you spend such a good part of the game despising the bloody idiot that you temporarily forget that fact for the sake of snickering at his father's antics towards his son. BTW, it is not at all out of character for Blaise to punish Sebastian for something as ridiculous as appearing in his dreams!

That being said, Blaise is such a monster that is even more satisfying taking him down at the end of Ace Attorney Investigations 2 than even was taking down the talking tree in Miles 1! He was the reason Manfred got away with murder, literally since no doubt those two were buddies how else could you explain them overlooking to bullet holes in that fateful elevator?!

You know I never thought of shipping Her Malevolence with anybody but when you said that my portrayal could make him hold a candle to her bloodthirsty spider ways it did occur to me that those two would be as much of a delightfully despicable duo as Kristoph and Dahlia! I dub them… BLAR'AN! :p

 **CT:** They say that you can't beat the classics, and songs like "Be Our Guest" give this saying plenty of merit. The song just has so much character and energy to it that you can't help but have fun from the moment it starts to the moment it ends. Seriously, Lumiere is the wingman to end all wingmen. He's so determined to hook his master up with a woman that he's willing to go through the effort of choreographing a large-scale musical number with the other workers.

When it comes to Ga'ran as a parent and a person, she's essentially a female version of Blaise. They're both power-hungry psychopaths who love toying with their foes, belittling those who show even the slightest bit of incompetence, and have killed their respective spouses- granted, it was never outright stated that Blaise killed his wife, but it's heavily implied due to how he stated that she "disappeared", a term that he uses whenever he had someone killed or arrested for life. If you've seen Ga'ran, then you've pretty much seen Blaise. The only real difference between Blaise and Ga'ran is that the latter tries to mask her evil nature with her kind, polite façade. Seriously, when Blaise first appears in "The Forgotten Turnabout", they make no effort to hide the fact that he's the villain of the case when he humiliates Franziska with a devilish sneer before he even introduces himself, all while "Rigorous Justice" is playing in the background. And then if it wasn't obvious enough, Blaise introduces himself by stating that Sebastian's an idiot and his son and that his wife "disappeared".

As for Blaise's personal theme, I believe "Ave Satani" from "The Omen" would be a better fit for him.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** Time does indeed fly is definitely because I'm having fun! I still remember approaching my funny man copilot and asking if you'd want to help me work on the earworm which was the original Pokémon song ever since I'd seen it parodied on the Simpsons, and he did a masterpiece, which made me think we would do may be a couple of more since we seemed to have such good synergy… Lo and behold one year later this story is my second-highest reviewed after TE! _Whooooop!_

I'm not sure how many episodes are going to be in the anime, or if there will anything after Bridge To The Turnabout (you would think they would do _Rise From The Ashes_ otherwise if they do _Apollo Just_ ice Ema Skye will have seemed to have come out of nowhere!)

There was something in the anime that caught my attention this past weekend when Iris told Phoenix that Dahlia had tried to steal the gemstone from her father as revenge for abandoning their mother. It kind of made me irritated because it sounded like there try to humanize Satan's Succubus, or make it seem like she actually give a crap about what happened to her mother when we know nothing could be further from the truth… Dahlia only cared about Dahlia and for whatever reason she had for wanting to rob her father blind, family honor and vengeance was not amongst them! Other than that though I have no objections to anything including their portrayal of Godot, although seeing that confrontation with Phoenix was so hard to watch given how much misplaced anger and anguish you could see coming from the man behind the mask. It's heartbreaking, but I really wish they would delve into the fact that he knew about Phoenix once being besotted with his would-be murderer, which would certainly make his ire more understandable!

I have really been enjoying the much more humanized Franziska in this episode arc of the anime even though this does seem to be the second time she is erroneously trying to have Maya arrested for murder yet again. The showdown with the masked man and Lady von Whippingberg did not happen though, which was disappointing because although I don't mind Franny it was nice to see her get knocked down a peg! I wonder if they're going to omit that part entirely. If they did make him catch her whip I might actually start half-assed shipping them the way I do her and Lang because of something kind of hot about a man taming the wild mare!

As you may have surmised reading my works, I _love_ words like a frat kid loves Drake, and embrace any chance to use my vocabulary! That being said, I actually was unfamiliar with the term for Sebastian's idiocy for mispronouncing everything was actually called "malapropistic" so thank you for teaching me something new! Imagine my delight when I realized that there actually was a _term_ for when someone that basically appeared to mistrust/hate everybody around him and Apollo Justice a.k.a. hobo Feenie a.k.a. JordanPhoenix in general at times… _Misanthropy_!

Ahhh…Word porn! I raise my grape juice glass to it, along with this fanfiction as I toast our anniversary with you dear reader, and all of our other wonderful fellow readers!

Cheers,

JP

 **CT:** I have to say, the anime has done a great job fleshing out Godot's character. Sure, the game was able to show us how tragic a character he really is, but the anime brings that tragedy to life when you hear the frustration and hurt in Godot's voice and see him try to vent some of that anger by grabbing Phoenix by the collar and tossing him aside. Good thing Pearl didn't see that, because if she did, Godot would find himself reunited with Mia after the little spirit medium slaps him down into Eagle River. Though speaking of which, I can just picture Godot doing that sort of thing to Grossberg whenever he'd start talking about his hemorrhoids.

Even now, few "Ace Attorney" characters can match Sebastian in regards to growth and development. Over the course of four chapters, we see him go from an uppity rookie who only wanted the love of his father to a man who wants to become a better person and prosecutor with Edgeworth's help. Though speaking of Edgeworth, it's hard to believe that a good amount of the character development that we've seen starting in "Justice for All" was inspired by a comic showing Edgeworth being a "Steel Samurai" fanboy.

I also can't believe that it's been a year since JP and I first started this fanfic. Time really does fly when you're having fun. Why, it feels like just yesterday when we were coming up with the title and what our first parodies would be. Though speaking of which, when I was originally writing "Prosecutemon", I was contemplating using Blaise instead of Manfred due to Sebastian referencing the "Pokémon" theme song when boasting about how cool his is. However, I decided to go with Manfred in the end due to him making the act of convicting every defendant to cross his path his life's mission and how he actually travels to different nations. But as you can see from this latest parody, I didn't give up on the idea of Blaise getting his own "Pokémon" parody.


	67. I Can't Wait To Be An Attorney!

_JP: The March theme of criminals/justice/crooks comes to an end with this grossly overdue update (mea culpa guys, been sick as a damn dog this whole month!) with the most famous victim of the Dark Age of the Law being featured here at the_ _ **nadir**_ _of his misery! (that word was for_ _ **you**_ _,_ _ **Muhammad Sban**_ _!)_

 _I picture this taking place with a young, determined 11-year-old Athena (before she got shipped off to Europe!) vowing this to Simon when he was incarcerated after the tragedy with Metis. She decided right there and then she'd become a lawyer and save her "big brother" from death row, with the surly, future Twisted Samurai in the making dismissing her ideal optimism as mere child babble._

 _This one goes out to_ _ **DJJ680,**_ _and great big thanks to my amazing co-pilot for suggesting that Big Red and Reverse Panda take the roles of Athena and Simon! :)_

 _CT: My wonderful cowriter has once again outdone herself with this parody, perfectly capturing Simon and Athena's relationship. Sure, Simon may try to come off as a tough guy, but deep down, he's a big softy who loves Athena like the little sister he never had. If Athena actually sang this song to Simon in canon, it would explain why Simon wept so many tears that he never wiped away. Seriously, those marks under Simon's eyes aren't crow's feet, but rather tear stains. According to the art book, Simon would frequently cry during his time in prison and never bothered to wipe away the tears._

* * *

" _ **I Can't Wait To Be An Attorney!"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from  
Disney's** _ **The Lion King**_

"Come on, Junie!" Athena tugged the frail, nervous brunette girl by the reluctant arm towards the detention center. "This will be my last time seeing Simon before he gets sent to the penitentiary, and I head out to Europe, so I want this to be a visit he'll _remember_!"

"Sorry, Thena." Juniper took a deep breath from her ever-present bloom and breathed in deeply, as if for courage, eyes darting about anxiously. "It's just that… I've never been to a _jail_ before! There are so many bad people here! They scare me!"

"Well, Simon isn't one of them," the red-haired pre-teen declared staunchly, as she pulled her nervous friend along. "He's a good man, who's been wrongfully convicted, and I won't rest until I've done everything in my power to make sure he's free!"

"And how, Cykes-dono, do you plan to do _that_ , pray tell?" Simon's sonorous baritone sounded behind them, causing the girls to jump slightly, as they hadn't realized he had seated himself on the other side of the table, to which his hands where immediately cuffed by the burly guard who'd escorted him. "Have another bout of histrionics like you did in the courtroom, shrieking about my innocence until someone listens?"

Determined blue eyes met lifeless, resigned steel ones.

"Don't you dare doubt _me_ , Simon Blackquill!" Athena jutted her chin. "We both know you're innocent of this crime, even though you pleaded guilty – and I'm going to _prove_ it!"

"That's a big, bold claim to make from a mere Spring Chick," he deadpanned, although a glint of amusement lurked in his voice at her pluck. "Exactly how will a mere _child_ turnaround the court-ordered decision to put me on death row?"

"By becoming an _attorney_!" Athena cried, jumping to her feet and slapping her tiny hands down onto the table, as though in a courtroom. "I'm going to get my legal badge over in Europe then come back to the States to clear your name! You'll see!"

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
 _*breaks into song and begins to dance*_

I'm gonna an attorney, so doubt me if you dare!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*smirks*_

Well, I've yet to see defense counsel with such dramatic flair!

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
 _*points to herself*_

A _Courtroom Révolutionnaire_ , like none you've seen before!  
I'll crush your doubts into the ground  
This is my vow for sure!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*drawls*  
_  
'Tis balderdash! Naught more than a pipe dream

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Oh, I can't wait to be an attorney!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
Pure naïve urchin blather! You'll give up soon methinks

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
 _*scowls*  
_  
I _won't_ be _dismissed_!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*blinks in surprise*_

Didn't mean to imply…

* * *

 _[Juniper]:_  
 _*chimes in*  
_  
She won't ever run scared!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
But why get your hopes up?

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
I'll be saying "TAKE THAT!"

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*shakes his head*  
_  
Stop _jawing_ , pint-sized!

* * *

 **[Athena** _& Juniper]:_  
Be a force to be feared!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*exasperated*_

I'm _stuck_ here!

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Gonna study hard all day!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*sighs*_

Forgive me for having doubts

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Gonna make things go _my_ way!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
I think you should accept cold facts and have a change of heart!

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Gonna re-trial your darn case – blow evidence apart!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
This willful little chit ignores the logic of my shouts!  
Clings to belief that my verdict will somehow get a turnabout!  
Law's just one big pointless journey!

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!

 _*puffs out her chest*_

Rest assured that I'm deft!  
Giving this all my might!  
Don't you worry, Simon  
Ima make things right!

* * *

 _ **[Simon]:**_  
 _*scoffs*_

I'll _bet_!

* * *

 _[Juniper]:_  
Each day her resolve is only growing!  
Dear Simon don't you fret about a thing!  
This girl here will deliver what she sings!

* * *

 **[Athena]:**  
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!  
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!  
Oh I just can't wait…  
to be an attorney!

* * *

"Times up!" The guard barked, not at all moved by the performance. "Next time, keep your sing-a-longs for the playground, kids! This ain't no musical theatre!"

"Humph! Fine, we're going!" Athena snapped, then flashed a peace sign at Simon as he stood up. "But just you wait and see, Simon! Next time you see me, they'll be removing those handcuffs so you can give me a _big, fat hug_! Cuz I'm going to make a free man out of you!"

"You believe whatever you need to believe, Cykes-dono," the prisoner muttered under his breath as he was led away. "But I still think you should set those sights on Broadway, rather than on a courtroom career. You have some real persuasion in those pipes of yours."

 _And I really meant it,_ Simon Blackquill thought to himself, chuckling humorlessly. _That girl almost had me believing, with the power of those vocals, that there's actually somehow a sliver of hope for this Dead Man Walking…_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 66**

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I can't believe it either. It's been a year of laughs, good times, and moments of questionable sanity. Though I have to say, one of my favorite parts has is knowing that we help make you guys happy and replying to all of your comments. You guys are Debeste!

 **JP:** A whole year of otaku Weird-Al styles Merry Melodies! Time flies eh? Guess that proves we're all having fun! :)

 **Moonlessnight125**

 **CT:** We'll be more than happy to take a shot at that parody. Though after hearing it, I strongly believe we can make something out of it.

 **JP:** I don't think we've had the pleasure of hearing from you thus far, so first of all, thanks so much for taking the time to give us your kind words! Also, you have asked for literally the only song I can recall from the _Lion King 2_ (a movie which, like most Disney sequels which I'd rather forget!) and I did not even realize was from the Broadway play despite having seen it two times already! That being said, it's a gorgeous song and very emotional and made all the more powerful by Tina Turner, whose cover I think was still better than Diana Ross – I daresay she was _simply the best_! ;)

Because it's such a good song we are going to need to mull this one over because of all the African chanting in their but will going to see what we can do! :-)

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** Considering that Winfred and Plum somehow love Wocky, I think that they'd be the type of parents who instantly blame their son's horrible behavior on the violent movies and videogames of this day and age.

 **JP:** _Another_ ear worm? _De nada, amigo!_ :p

Seriously though, we're even as the idea of Wocky literally being the Geisha slammer slut of Japalifornia is forever seared into my skull! Gah!

I think the Kitakis could probably resume their mobster wealth lifestyle if they pursued that lawsuit…slam dunk win, surely!

I'd say ix-nay on the hot stuff into ear though… any drippage and you'd short circuit that visor, Señor Java!

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Compared to Blaise, Kristoph is as threatening as a used tissue that someone put in their pocket because they couldn't find a trashcan and forgot about it. Don't get me wrong, Kristoph's one of my favorite villains in the series, but he couldn't ever hope to hold a candle to Blaiseelzebub. Think about it- Kristoph committed one crime for the sake of petty revenge and was wracked with paranoia to the point of stalking nearly everyone involved for seven years, whereas Blaise had numerous people killed and ruined countless lives for posing the slightest threat to him (and for the fun of it, as seen with his plea-bargain strategy) on a daily basis since before Kristoph was even born. So suffice to say, the real question isn't how long Blaise would last against Kristoph, but rather how quickly Blaise could make Kristoph his prison bride.

Though while on that subject, the thing about Wocky that amuses me the most is that he makes OG Loc- one of the most pathetic, cringeworthy characters in all of the GTA franchise- look hardcore. Seriously, look up Loc's audio from "GTA San Andreas" and you'll see how eerily similar it is to Wocky's. However, unlike Wocky, at least Loc can walk the walk in that he's actually capable of firing a gun with intent to kill. Granted, his aim's practically equal to the stormtroopers from "A New Hope", but it's still better than nothing.

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! Thank you for the anniversary wishes! Perhaps Blaise would be the winner on the hateful scale since he actually has unfortunate offspring on which he directs his ire, but when it comes to overall pettiness of motives Bitchtoff will _always_ take the cake!

It is always a pleasure to hear that I can make the funniest lady in the fandom actually laugh, and I did I ever have a blast roasting Wocky as the prison bitch who wouldn't last five seconds in prison – as pointed out by his very real deal, formerly mafia folks! Hee! Thanks for dropping a line funny girl! :)

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Happy belated birthday! I'm happy to know that we've helped to brighten two birthdays for you!

Hopefully, that glove will be used to give Wocky all of the spanks that he's had coming to him for a good 19 years. Sure, I may not be a huge supporter of capital punishment, but in Wocky's case, sparing him the rod was one of the worst decisions that Winfred and Plum have ever made as parents… Actually, scratch that. The worst decision those two ever made was allowing Wocky to dress himself. Seriously, Wocky's outfit makes the over-the-top villains from 90's films look tame by comparison.

Good things Blaise isn't a real; otherwise, he'd stare at that comment about you mistaking him for Sebastian with a look of pure disgust for a good five minutes before making you disappear faster than Wocky's likeability.

 **JP:** I purposely created the extra dialogue for this song because I was dying to make Daddy Kitaki have a father name Shiitake… I'm happy somebody caught the! Also I figured Plum comes a long tree lineage of fruits, hence her mother being named Peaches and she probably had a sister named Apple.

Hey it reminds me of that children skipping rope chant… _"Apples, peaches, pears, and plums, tell me when your birthday comes! Is it January, February…?"_

Speaking of birthdays… Happy belated birthday milady! I hope your special day ended up with you being treated like the gem you are! :-)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** You know a character's bad when an orca- an animal that can't speak coherent sentences- makes for a better defendant. Though now that I think about it, how is that description different from Wocky? He doesn't look like a person with that hairstyle of his, and I've yet to hear anything remotely resembling a known language come out of his mouth. Though in all seriousness, Orla may be an orca, but at least she's capable of listening to people, which is more than I can say about Wocky "gets a cap in his ass" Kitaki. Not to mention, unlike Wocky, people are actually happy to see Orla, and because of that, she has a show based around her and a dedicated fanbase.

 **JP:** I purposely lost this case the first time I played it because I found Wocky so insufferable the only defendant that even came close to knowing me as much was Bucky the drunken soba boy in SOJ! LOL but we can at least assume that he is tolerable when not under the influence Wocky had brush with death and a chance to do a total turnabout his character and _still_ sucked harder than a hooker on two dollar Tuesday! I guess some people couldn't be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy Garland stood there singing somewhere over the rainbow.

I am delighted you enjoyed my throwback anniversary special, and I really hope you enjoyed your request even though it's way overdue. Cheers, dear reader! :-)

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Muhammad Sban: As much as I would love to see the "Investigations" series get covered in the anime- especially the first one on account of it honestly being more fun to watch than play- I feel that the chances of that happening are slim to none. Sure, "Investigations 2" was released in Japan, but given the fact that they didn't even so much as reference Blaise in "Turnabout Goodbyes", even though he was alluded to in the actual game and they actually had a fleshed out character to work with, I think it's safe to say that those cases- along with "Rise from the Ashes", Gant, and Ema- don't exist in the anime universe. Hopefully, if they ever cover the "Apollo Justice" arc, they'll do "Rise from the Ashes" as a flashback episode when they introduce Ema.

Iris may have been trying to cover for Godot, but I am all but certain that Dahlia was legitimately in the dark about things and just wanted to mess with Phoenix's head. Dahlia has openly admitted that she only cares about herself and that she doesn't work with others unless it benefits her. So with that in mind, what would Dahlia get out of protecting the guy who she tried to kill five years prior while under the belief that Maya, her ticket to getting revenge against Mia, was dead?

Personally, I feel that Franziska was more motivated to stay behind to attempt to unlock the Sacred Cavern due to her developing a bit of a crush on Phoenix after the events of "Justice for All" and less by Godot's yelling. I mean, why else would Franziska assist Phoenix during his investigation of Hazakura Temple by acting as his assistant- something that she hasn't even done for Edgeworth, her adopted brother who she has known for nearly the entirety of her life and is in the exact same profession as her?

 **JP:** I wish I knew since half the fandom seems divided, as they are going to do another episode 24 next week to follow the epic conclusion of Bridge to the Turnabout in the anime, or if they are going to stop at 23! I know they have already cast the Japanese voice actors for Apollo and Athena according to IMDb, but that still speculation whether or not they will do more anime episodes! Fingers and eyes and toes crossed! I was screaming internally while sobbing when they played Godot's epic sax during his breakdown… And then followed up with Phoenix's theme! I can even forgive them for taking out the delicious sparring jabs between Franny and Godot from the game - because it was all just glorious!

What I found especially fascinating was the anime making it seem as though the powerful medium Misty _was_ able to control Dahlia as murderous urges, and Godot portrayed himself as a villain that killed her anyway because he was so blinded with rage but I think he purposely was trying to paint himself out to be no hero of any sort even though he was contradicting himself as just moments ago he said that he saved Maya after Phoenix pointed out that she was the sister of the love of his life, (hello Miego CANON!)and as his way of atoning for not being able to save Mia. It's almost like he wanted to give himself the death penalty although I am positive they didn't give him that because regardless of his motives the criminal act of the killing was self-defense.

If they ever do _Apollo Justice_ I do wonder how they will cover Ema's backstory considering they realize they could not skip the tutorial case from Justice for all because that was what introduced us to Maggey in the first place! Fun fact the same studio that created the cut scenes from spirit of Justice did season two of the anime that's why the animations are so amazing Dahlia's exorcism was everything I could've hoped for and more… And that face she made right before being banished back to the waiting arms of Lucifer was the stuff nightmares are made out of! Most amazing verbal smack down I have ever seen in the entire series I didn't think I could love Phoenix and Mia any more than I do but I love to be proven wrong!

I appreciate your sentiment dear reader, and thank you for your kind words! It makes me so happy to know that we have readers that have enjoying reading our works as much as we have loved writing them! I cheers you back with my own fizzy grape juice!

Cheers,

JP

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** The way I see it, being evil to Blaise is like breathing- it's done automatically, and if he doesn't do it every few seconds, he'll die. Seriously, if Blaise had to act like a decent human being with no malicious intent for an hour, I think his eyes would roll back in his head and he'd be flopping on the ground like a dying carp while foaming at the mouth by minute 20. And as for the award for most evil villain, Blaise would sweep away the competition in that someone would have to come by and sweep away their bodies with a large broom after they all suddenly die due to poisoning.

At this point, I probably sound like a broken record, but I'll say it again anyways. As a character, Wocky's pure cringe and makes me consider supporting the dark age of the law. Sure, that kind of mentality resulted in pricks like Gaspen thriving in court and innocent people like being convicted left and right, but if even one of those people was anything similar to Wocky, then it was all worth it in the end. And for that matter, as a defendant, Wocky's the embodiment of why I believe that the "Ace Attorney" universe and whatever divine forces are at work in it hate Apollo with a burning passion. First, Apollo has his court debut has him discovering that his boss and mentor is a murderer, which is done with false evidence that he was given by his childhood hero who now looks like a hobo. Then, Apollo, having no other options, applies for a job at the Anything Agency and becomes the subordinate of a 16-year-old magician girl who makes more than him by pulling things out of her magic panties. And then, after getting roped into three cases, one of which is paying him with a bowl of dangerously salty noodles, Apollo discovers that the defendant of the lattermost one is a Vanilla Ice wannabe who has all the tact of a pit bull on cocaine.

 **JP:** _"A_ _Vanilla Ice wannabe who has all the tact of a pit bull on cocaine_ _…."  
_ *wheeze* OK, and stolen! *wipes eyes*

Ahem, moving on…

I have been a hot mess to counter your anxious mess self with health issues out the wazoo, hence the grossly delayed update to this fanfic and my others, but it does make me smile to know that I could give one my favourite readers a laugh! I am currently replaying the Miles 2 game and Blaise is certainly in his element openly boasting about how he plans to bully and continual bullying his way through creating his own truths, and cliché or not this guy rivals Manfred Von Karma in the evil department even if he looks more like a ZZ Top reject than Nosferatu! XD

 _Mulan_ is one of my favourite Disney movies, channeling an inner feminist that I didn't even know existed, which is why the song that I parodied was my personal least favourites, since her entire _honour_ was at stake in a forest arranged marriage in order to make her family proud of her! So how perfect was it to show the most dishonourable fruit of loins in the entire franchise as my target for mocking! Of course the other alternative to smacking him in the face with a newspaper is of course rubbing his nose in the area that he soils… A.k.a. any room he enters?! :p


	68. Corruption in the Courts

_CT: When TheFreelancerSeal first gave us this suggestion, I instantly knew that we had to feature Juniper in some way, shape, or form. After all, what could be more fitting than having the sunflower girl of the "Ace Attorney" series singing a parody of a song that's sung by an actual sunflower? Though while I was writing this parody, I couldn't help but picture an "Ace Attorney" version of "Plants vs. Zombies" in which the player defends the Wright Anything Agency with the help of the non-evil characters in the series from all the villains who have escaped from Central Prison and Hell to get their revenge._

 _JP: I was unfamiliar with both this game and song when my bud TheFreelancerSeal requested it, but it's now one of the many, many previously unknown tunes that's helped expand my musical repertoire since we began this series! Also, kudos to my hilarious partner for writing anything involving a certain Mary Sue flower maiden in this song about corruption in the justice system, set after DD's Turnabout Academy… and making it a) side splitting, and b) more of an ear worm from hell than the original! :p_

* * *

 _ **"Corruption in the Courts"**_  
 **sung to the tune of  
"Zombies on Your Lawn" from the game**  
 _ **Plants vs. Zombies**_

After Klavier's touching performance of "The Guitar's Serenade" with Juniper at the Themis Academy School Festival, the area was filled with silence, a usual thing for the former rock star whose shows were always filled with the screams of applauding fans. So in order to help liven things up, Klavier felt that this was the perfect time for him to give the people the little surprise that he and Juniper were secretly planning since her trial ended.

" _Achtung_ , beautiful people… and _Herr_ Forehead." Klavier smirked as he stepped up to the microphone, effectively breaking the silence while also receiving a death glare from his courtroom rival who was standing in the audience. "I want to thank all of you for coming out here tonight… especially considering what has happened…"

The Europhile prosecutor took a deep breath as a look of sadness spread across his face.

"Professor Courte was a wonderful teacher and an even more amazing person. Half the time, it felt as though she wasn't a teacher, but a caring mother whose only wish was to see all students reach their full potential with honesty and integrity, no matter what course they were in. So I can say with absolute certainty that even though Professor Courte never directly taught us prosecutor alums, we wouldn't be where we are today without her. That's why I wasn't put in charge of bringing her murderer to justice, even though I wanted that responsibility so badly. The Chief Prosecutor wanted to be fair since another prosecutor course student who graduated with me, _Herr Weinerlich_ , also wanted to prosecute the case for reasons similar to my own and was threatening to lock himself in his office and never ever come out if the role was given to me. But enough with this sorrow. Professor Courte wouldn't us feeling so down, _ja_?"

Klavier grinned as he flipped back his hair.

"And if there was one thing Professor Courte loved more than seeing people smile, it was spreading the good word about how the end is only justified through proper means. So without further ado, take it away, _Fräuline President!"_ The former rock star exclaimed, stepping aside so that Juniper could take his place in front of the microphone.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**

Hey guys!

One, two, three!

There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
Don't want corruption in the courts.

We know their type: sinful, vile, and cruel,  
Punishing the innocent to maintain their rule,  
And then continue to destroy all that we hold dear,  
But I was saved from that fate by my friend and her partner who's so hunky.  
They hate all that's right,  
We hate debauchery.

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
My friend was in my band.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
In his band!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
Tried to keep his crimes hidden.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
Crimes hidden!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
By blaming a teenage boy.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
A teenage boy!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
He was a villain!

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
Don't want corruption in the courts.

We have to take a stand and show we care.  
I know that life can be hard and quite unfair,  
But crimes only make the world darker.  
Felons may think we lack the guts,  
But they'll soon know that's wrong  
Since we're bettering the system with each passing minute.

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
My bro was a lawyer.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
A lawyer!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
Razed those caught up in his plans.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
In his plans!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
Thought the law bent to him.

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
Oh, no, no, no!

* * *

 _ **{Klavier}**_  
He was a villain!

* * *

 **{Juniper}**  
There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
There's corruption in the courts.  
Don't want corruption in the courts.

* * *

 _ **Weinerlich = Whiny or weepy**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I appreciate the sentiment, although not _all_ the badgers are adorable… I'm going to blame the pink one being Wendy Assbag for the reason for this… Plus I'll never forget the one that attacked Miles in Ace investigations 1… That was the stuff nightmares are made out of! :p

Thankyouverymuch for the kind words, dear reader! I made it my personal mission to maintain, if not surpass, the same fluffy cavity-inducing goodness that my readers have come to know me for! :-)

 **CT** : I'm glad we were able to supply you with your daily dose of Vitamin Fluff.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! March was pretty rough for me health-wise, which is why I'm so grossly overdue in reviewing your wonderful story… I felt I needed to have my full wits about me to leave worthwhile feedback on the funniest self-insert fanfiction from the funniest lady in our fandom! Unfortunately, since Simon's big sister seem to despise Athena a.k.a. "Princess" for mostly unfair reasons of jealousy, if she were to hold her up on a giant rock, she would probably drop her "accidentally"! XD

 **CT:** As for Aura, I personally see her as the Scar of the Cosmos Space Center. I can just picture her lounging around in her lab, casually abusing Clonco as Athena rushes in with a huge grin on her face and begs the disgruntled scientist to play with her. So, Aura being Aura, she would suggest for Athena to go explore the "Rocket Graveyard", i.e. the place where the space center stores all of their broken rockets and failed experiments, much to Metis' dismay. Though unlike Scar, Aura, despite her threats, is just like her brother in that she could never kill someone she dislikes… just hurt them a little emotionally.

Regarding the iconic scene where Simba's being held up by Rafiki, in this parody, I think that Ponco would be a better fit for the latter's role.

 **chloemcg  
**

 **JP:** I thought I had done pretty much all the main songs from my favourite Disney movie ever… I think this one covers it! It's really a shame that most of the flashbacks we get of young Athena had her in that harrowing blood splattered image, because she was so cute and while she is not my favourite character by any means, Juniper is pretty cute too… I have no doubt she would have been even more so as a pint-size flower maiden! I'm glad to hear your special day was a good one! As always milady it's been a pleasure. :-)

 **CT:** I'm glad that you had a great birthday! It's always a delight to hear that a reader's doing well!

With how Simon's tongue is as sharp as his blade, it would be a crime if we didn't have him play the role of everyone's favorite snarky hornbill. Not to mention, with how optimistic and energetic Athena is, we couldn't have thought of anyone else in her age group to parody Simba.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Yay! I am so happy that you found your request to be worth the wait! That being said, I have been quite excited about The Lion King movie, (Team Rodent's insatiable cash grab notwithstanding) but was so busy being delighted that they had James Earl Jones playing Mufasa again and being curious as to how Beyoncé will be as Nala that I did not realize the funny British man was going to be in the movie as well! Perhaps he'll do more of a singing/talking voice like Emma Watson did as Belle in Beauty and The Beast? Beautiful girl, good actress… didn't really think much of her singing but what do I know? That being said, there's always high-tech auto tuning gear to make anyone sound good… heck, it works for half those boy bands out there, Wright? :p

 **CT:** After what Disney did to "Star Wars", as well as the abominations that were the other live remakes, I wouldn't be surprised if the new "Lion King" film is the cinematic equivalent of taking the charm of the original film and doing to it what Scar did to Mufasa. Hopefully, they'll at least have the decency not to butcher "Be Prepared."

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **JP:** No worries or need to be sorry – although _I'm_ sorry I have been able to update my works more often thus far! It is always a pleasure to hear from our readers regardless of how often... I'd like to think they're all pretty special, although I have been declared an honorary Latina by my Hispanic friends, so I'll confess it gives me particular pleasure that I seem to have such a wide fan base with the Latin FF community, which I now know also includes Venezuela! :-)

Everybody is deserving of sublime joy, and I hope the happiness you seek has long since come your way by the time you get this message, dear reader. I am touched have even remotely been a part of it with my humble works.

About your _Heathers_ request, and I just recently saw homage to one of my favorite 80's movies, now turned into a stage musical, recently featured on _Riverdale_! Ergo, will definitely gonna check out the songs and see what we can come up with! That being said, given the dark nature of this timeless black comedy, it might be something that's more of the alley of my funny co-pilot, though! XD

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. As you can see by our update schedule as of recently, we haven't been so hot at the moment ourselves. All that matters to us is that you're enjoying our parodies.

For me, while I've heard of the _Heathers_ by name, I don't really know much else about them. However, that won't stop me from doing some research on the topic if it will yield potential parodies.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Hola Señor Java! Athena the songbird isn't so far-fetched when you consider amongst her slew of nicknames is _yellow chick_ and _chickadee_! 😆

The stern, sullen birdman playing the role of the stern and sullen cub babysitter Zazu was too fitting though, wasn't it?

As for stashing anything/lock picks, I always thought that would be more of a Kay thing but I'm sure Big Red could stash a few in the spider leg mane of hers too!

 **CT:** To answer your question, all of them. Athena can hide all of the lock picks in that giant ponytail of hers. Heck, that thing's so long that it could be used to hide a person. Oh my gosh, now I can't help but imagine Apollo and Athena saving money on movies by having the former being smuggled into the theater in the latter's ponytail.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** After all that fan speculation of what the 24th anime episode would entail, alas, it seemed such a visual/storytelling extravaganza finale to Bridge _was_ the last one. I suppose something so epic would have been a tough act to follow though, even if I do feel shortchanged getting one less episode this season! Now I can only hope that will be doing what they did in 2016 which was making fans get hyped about this series again with the anime only to have Spirit of Justice come out too late that same year! Fingers crossed for some news on Ace Attorney 7 soon! Have you heard the scuttlebutt about them possibly making a DGS 3? And I guess by now you must've heard how the fan translation of the first one is now available for the Western world to enjoy! I am absolutely giddy! I am so obsessed with Susato and Ryunosuke! Also they are ready have the demo for the first case of DGS2 out as well for the patch! I swear this fandom has the best fans ever! _Take that_ , Crapcom non-localizers!

I just recently replayed the second Miles game, and I find the Ace Attorney games can be replayed over and over again I had a newfound appreciation for this particular game which I only sped through last time, and it's obvious when Takumi is involved with the storytelling… Only DGS one and two had such a perfect linking chain of events throughout the entire compelling game like this one did!

As much as I like to talk about Miles' character development being the best in the whole series, the anime made me realize just what an amazing job they have done with Maya, and her being the final "boss" in the final game of the trilogy was so fitting! The anime managed to fuel every head canon I ever had about the series, as well as give me new ones! I had long since suspected that Morgan was abusive towards Maya growing up, and now believe the reason Maya eats like such a monster when she's in the city is because Morgan probably starved the poor thing probably claiming it would help her spiritual awareness to feel deprivation. Plus, it seems like Kurain village folk only eat vegetables, so eating various types of data animal must've been a real treat for her, no doubt introduced to her by big sis whenever she visited Los Angeles! I also speculate that my I was very well aware of who Godot was for some time, and knew him back when he was Diego Armando and dating her sister, hence her fierce need to try to protect him in the end.

While I would love to see them animate Ace investigations 1 and 2 (hello Uncle Badd!), I'm not going to hold my breath, even though it would be great to see logic chess animated! What a great feature!

I'm trying to remember but I think the reason Godot did not destroy the letter I think it was because he wanted to nip Morgan's evil plan in the bud and keep her from trying to kill Maya for the third time since he was aware of the previous time, and put an end to her Lady Macbeth ways once and for all. Sure the subtext was revenge, but I do believe that was the reason he cited. And it was very interesting to show that Misty was able to control Dahlia to a certain degree, which only further shows how much Maya has developed as a medium to now probably being on par with her legendary mother. There is no way original trilogy Maya would have been able to channel a man! And not once but _twice_!

 _Rise From The Ashes_ was so painfully long, towards the end I just wanted to be over it wasn't as painfully drawn out as the talking tree case in the first Miles game, but I'm not sure the anime could do it justice if they condensed it. They would probably take out too many parts and gloss or too many details and only end up upsetting fans or not pay that case its due diligence.

I really do enjoy writing the familial bond between Athena and Simon who I ship as brother and sister almost as much as I do Trucy and Apollo, even though I haven't had a chance to write them very much in my other works. Plus, it was really a fun challenge to include Juniper, who am not the biggest fan of and have never really written at all, since she played such an integral part two Athena's storyline. I'm so happy that you liked my portrayal of the characters! :-)

 **CT:** Considering how story-driven the "Investigation Series" is, as well as how plot points are handled very seamlessly, I believe that it would be easier to create an anime for the "Investigations" games than it is for the main series. Not to mention, the way they've been condensing the cases would be a godsend for the likes of "Kidnapped Turnabout" and "Turnabout Ablaze".

I feel that it's quite fitting that Maya was such a large focus over the course of these three seasons on account of the fact that her character development and arc was just as emphasized, if not more so, as Phoenix's in the original trilogy. Over the course of three games, we saw Maya go from a girl who hid her low self-confidence behind her bubbly personality and who could barely channel a spirit to a woman who's more than willing to raise her little cousin and take on the responsibilities of being Master of Kurain.

The main issue with "Rise from the Ashes" is that the game mechanics work against it- the plethora of locations that the player has to go to and the number of specific spots that have to be examined and objects that need to be shown can be time consuming for even the most experienced of "Ace Attorney" fans. It also doesn't help that the case decides to shoehorn in game mechanics to show off the DS' capabilities and throw a mountain of exposition your way in a good portion of the conversations. So with that in mind, I personally believe that if they do decide to cover "Rise from the Ashes" at a later point, it'll probably be about three, maybe four episodes at most on account of them doing some much needed streamlining. Don't get me wrong, I love "Rise from the Ashes" and many of the characters that it introduced- Gant, Ema, Lana, and Jake- but it is by no means a perfect case.

Heck, that's why one of my favorite cases in the series is "Recipe for Turnabout". The investigations are very direct and to the point, the characters that it introduces are fun and memorable (sure, Armstrong may be several shades of pink and creepy, but I'd rather have him than Moe), the trials and cross-examinations are fair and entertaining, and they present the exposition in a concise manner that didn't make me want to just speed through the dialogue.


	69. Day of Disbarment - Surprise Double Duet

_CT: When Phoenix was disbarred, his life took a major turn for the worst- the reputation that he worked hard to build over three years was slandered, he was forced to play piano and poker in a little slice of Siberia, and he had the misfortune of being stalked by a metrosexual psychopath who loves vengeance almost as much as Edgeworth loves "The Steel Samurai". Heck, if it wasn't for Trucy, Phoenix would have had few positive aspects in his life. Therefore, I don't think it's all that surprising that Phoenix would have been drawn to sadder songs when it came to torturing customers with his piano skills._

 _As for how Phoenix can actually play this parody with some semblance of skill, like my wonderful cowriter, I believe that he made it a habit of learning how to play Disney songs in order to appear at least somewhat qualified for his job._

 _JP: Happy Good Friday! I post on this day of not only religious sorrow but because most of us should know that with today being_ _ **April 19, 2019**_ _is the infamous day that lines up with the Ace Attorney timeline when a certain piece of forged evidence was presented in court… and created the events that made Nick lose his badge, the events of AJ to happen, and for me to write Turnabout Everlasting almost 4 years ago!_

 _Ergo, it seemed fitting to give our loyal readers a surprise 2-for-1 special again, with first a song about Phoenix's lament after being disbarred, by CT, and then my own song circa SOJ right after, to hopefully lighten the mood! Enjoy!_ 😊

* * *

 _ **"Phoenix's Lament"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"Jack's Lament"  
Disney's **_**The Nightmare Before Christmas**_

 _[It was eight in the evening as Phoenix sat behind his piano at the Borscht Bowl, vigorously rubbing the sleeves of his hoodie in an attempt to warm his hands which felt like blocks of petrified wood thanks to his crazy boss feeling that it would be a splendid idea to capture the feel of Mother Russia by making the place colder than a Siberian ice cream factory. And to make matters worse, no one was stepping up to challenge him to a game of poker, thereby forcing him to endure the bitter cold while keeping up his front that he had barely any skill at whatsoever. Still, even though the place felt less like a restaurant and more like a penguin reserve and the customers often tipped him to stop playing, the ex-attorney just toughed things out since his pool of potential jobs was all but plentiful thanks to his reputation as 'The Forging Attorney'.]_

 _[So after puffing one last burst of warm air into his palms and rubbing them together, Phoenix gave one last sweeping look at the customers watching him before playing his own version of a Disney song that he was actually semi-decent at. Thank goodness for the many tutorial videos on the internet in regards to playing beloved Disney songs on the piano, or the customers would be even more irate.]_

* * *

There are few who'll contest,

That I was one of the best,

A legal legend loved by one and all.

With the help of comebacks and bluffs in the courtroom,

I won many cases without a real plan.

* * *

Thanks to my quick wit and steadfast trust in my clients,

I've exposed fiends whose souls really stink.

With a proud "Objection!" and a finger point,

I have saved many innocents from the clink.

* * *

And after three years, it became a trend,

Where I'd find the truth behind every bend.

Yet I, Phoenix, the Comeback King,

Was stripped of my title with scorn that stings.

* * *

Oh somewhere in the depths of my soul,

A feeling has started to take form.

Foul play was involved,

Not in my control,

That someone's hate has done its toll.

* * *

I fought hard for the truth,

Acting just like a sleuth,

And I would love to do so again.

To a cold hag from Kurain,

I'm Mr. Goody-Pain,

And criminals saw me as their bane.

* * *

Since I was disbarred,

And have a kid to guard,

I have to take work wherever I can.

No man nor demon can emulate my skill,

When I screw up songs before they've begun.

* * *

But who among you can hope to grasp,

That the Comeback King with a pure heart of gold,

Would never be so cold?

Please believe that if I knew,

That fake evidence wouldn't have gone through.

* * *

Oh there's an urge growing in my heart,

To expose the one who tore my life apart.

This has nothing to do with my pride,

As I won't let a villain's crimes slide.

* * *

 _[After the song ended, the crowd actually applauded Phoenix, much to his surprise, and actually smiled when they gently placed their money in his tip jar, a stark contrast to the glares that they usually wore when they tossed the money in like they were throwing away toxic waste.]_

 _[Once the crowd had died down, Kristoph, who was sitting at his usual table right next to the piano where he was enjoying his weekly Cosmo, got up to congratulate his 'friend'.]_

 _ **["Well, color me impressed, Wright. Your playing was actually tolerable,"**_ _Kristoph said with a warm grin before pushing up his glasses._ _ **"Don't get me wrong, Wright. I like you as a friend and you're a great person to talk to, but your skills with the piano have for the longest time been much to be desired."]**_

 _ **["What can I say?"**_ _Phoenix nonchalantly remarked with a shrug of his shoulders. "_ _ **I was bound to get better at my instrument of torture sooner or later on account of this being my new livelihood and all…"**_ _The card shark stated as he gave his friend his newly-infamous thousand-yard stare, prompting the Coolest Defense in the West to feel a pang of nervousness.]_

 _ **["I know that it's been rough for you since you were disbarred, Wright. I really do,"**_ _Kristoph stated in a reassuring voice as he gently put his hand on his 'friend's' shoulder._ _ **"Granted, I still have my badge and use it to live my dreams every day, but I can say with absolute certainty that I wouldn't be able to go on if I ever lost it like you had. But still, please don't hold any malicious feelings towards Klavier. I know that he can be a bit… much, especially after living in the same house as him for most of my life, but he's a good man who was only doing his job."]**_

 _ **["Why would I have it out for your brother, Kristoph?"**_ _Phoenix asked as he cocked his head out of confusion._ _ **"Sure, he revealed that the diary page was forged, but I don't think that he was involved with it. I mean, if he was, then my friend Edgeworth, a.k.a. the Demon Prosecutor, would have brought that to light long ago."]**_

 _ **["Oh, good."**_ _Kristoph said with a sigh of relief, his composure becoming slightly less tense._ _ **"I was worried that you might try getting revenge on me or my family for what Klavier did to you after what you said in your song."]**_

 _ **["I think you've taken on one too many murder cases,"**_ _Phoenix chuckled._ _ **"When I was singing that song, I was over exaggerating for the sake of making things interesting. With how tired I am after working all day and making sure Trucy's taken care of, the only thing I can think of at the end of the day is getting some sleep. Though speaking of which, I better start playing another song before my boss comes out here and starts lecturing me."]**_

 _ **["Fair enough. Hopefully, this next one will be as good as the last,"**_ _Kristoph chirped as he returned to his seat.]_

 _ **["Ok, everyone, this next song goes out to all those people in the audience who have ever known a good time cowboy Casanova!"**_ _Phoenix exclaimed, prompting Kristoph to nearly gag on the Cosmo that he was delicately sipping.]_

* * *

 _JP: My turn! This is for_ _ **SilverDragon889**_ _on A03. Sung by Maya after her 3_ _rd_ _bogus murder charge while Nick is visiting her in SOJ prison for allegedly killing the priest._

 _CT: Once again, JP outdid herself with this parody. But would you expect any less from the Fluffy Queen when writing a parody about the Burger Queen? Seriously, I can just picture Maya singing this parody while Nahyuta and Inga watch the surveillance footage with completely different reactions. The former would stare at the screen with a look of disgust while preaching about how those who sing musical numbers are doomed to 5,000 years in the Hell of Tone-deaf Singing; whereas the latter would be trembling in his chair, a look of terror forming in his eyes as he's reminded of the Great "Mamma Mia!" Tragedy of '09, which involved him, Ga'ran, every song sung in "Mamma Mia!" a paddle boat, and a stuffed lamb._

* * *

" _ **Jailbird Queen"**_ _  
_ **Sung to the tune of Abba's  
"Dancing Queen"  
from the musical **_**Mamma Mia**_

Oooh  
You will bluff  
While you strive  
To try to keep me alive!  
Ooh, see this girl  
Same old scene  
Behold the Jailbird Queen!

* * *

Jail food sucks Nick, it really blows  
Third time here so you'd think I'd know  
Framed again for a murder  
Found guilty, I will swing  
Hanging here is the thing

* * *

Damn Melsa wants to see me fry  
Good thing you're my Ace law guy  
Not afraid of you losing  
Defense will be divine  
You'll fly by seat of pants  
But losing ain't no chance

* * *

I am the Jailbird Queen!  
Bum rap sheet  
All since 17!  
Jailbird Queen  
After me they should name a wing, oh yeah!

* * *

You will bluff  
While you strive  
To try to keep me alive!  
Ooh, see this girl  
Same old scene  
Behold the Jailbird Queen!

* * *

When case looks hopeless, you prove them wrong  
You don't give up, somehow stay strong  
One turnabout to another  
It's what you always do  
I know that you'll come through  
Cuz I believe in youuuuu…

* * *

I am the Jailbird Queen!  
Bum rap sheet  
All since 17!  
Jailbird Queen  
After me they should name a wing, oh yeah!

* * *

Oooh  
You can bluff  
As you strive  
To try to keep me alive!  
Ooh, see this girl  
Same old scene  
Behold the Jailbird Queen!

* * *

 _[Maya winks at Phoenix]_

 _ **Beware the Comeback King!**_

* * *

 _JP: Hoppy Easter everyone! Hope you enjoyed this second surprise holiday duet edition of Singing In The Courtroom!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

* * *

 **Chapter 67**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I really wish that all the Dual Destinies containing young Athena didn't include her looking traumatized or crying… or traumatizing the audience with her blood splattered visage after trying "to fix" her mother's mutilated body, because she was absolutely adorable otherwise! Considering what a plucky happy-go-lucky character she is, and how passionate she felt about Simon's innocence, I'm sure those harrowing scenes aside, as a young precocious 11-year-old she was filled with a lot of earnest determination to save the man she saw that her big brother, and I'm happy you feel I captured that well in the parody. As for Widget, he definitely gets the better one-liners – at least in my works! I can't wait till make my readers laugh with what he comes up with next in my next update of TE! :-)

 **CT:** I guess that's why people theorize that Zazu was plotting with Scar to kill off Mufasa and Simba, which is supported by his lines in Simba's song and the fact that his character mirrors Polonius' from "Hamlet". Granted, in that theory, it's speculated that Zazu's assisting Scar by escorting Simba to the Elephant Graveyard in order to save the kingdom from Simba's recklessness years down the line, rather than out of personal hatred for the obnoxious little cub.

 **Chapter 68**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I'm definitely more of the fluffy rather than edgier sort, even though I have enjoyed the few times we have changed roles and I have done more the villain darker songs while my partner has done more of the marshmallow variety that I more known for, so I'm not going to lie – it was a big relief that my hilarious copilot decided to take the reins on your request for this song, bud. For me, it seemed really bizarre and left me a total loss as to how to go about it! We are happy to have proven you wrong it is quite glorious to be Wright! 😉

 **CT:** Personally, I found "There's a Zombie on Your Lawn" to be quite light-hearted and innocent. But then again, as you have seen throughout this fanfic, I have a high threshold for this kind of stuff. Though for future reference, if we don't post a parody right away, it doesn't mean that we've given up on it. Sometimes it just takes a while for us to get through our list of standby parodies.

If you were to ask Ema, she would say that Klavier and his legion of fangirls probably have the intellect of zombies. As for Juniper, she may be on the bland side, but at least she's better than Iris in that she has a definitive personality of her own. Sure, Iris may have played a bigger role in the series than Juniper did, but her character boils down to her being Dahlia's good twin. Think about it- besides the fact that Iris dated Phoenix, what do we know about her other than that she can cook, knit sickeningly sweet sweaters, and has the ability to turn him into a bigger wuss than Sebastian at his worst? What are her likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc.? At least with Juniper, we know that she has an interest in plants and bettering the legal world. What does Iris have going for her? So with that in mind, I'm surprised that Phoenix didn't fall asleep during half of his dates with his precious "Dolly". I guess that's the power of love for you.

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** That's quite the compliment, considering how good the original song is. I'm glad that you liked the parody so much!

As you can probably guess, I primarily ship Apollo with Juniper myself. Sure, Apollo has great chemistry with Athena and I have no doubt that they would make a cute couple, but I personally can't imagine Athena being the type of person to swoop in and steal her best friend's crush, especially when said friend is such a frail, meek girl. Heck, knowing Juniper, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up in the hospital from severe shock if Athena even so much as asked out Apollo before she did without asking first.

The fan translation of DGS is finally done? Happy day, happy day! The second I figure out where and how to download it, I'm playing it.

 **JP:** the game was completely unknown to me before it was requested but the song is pretty adorable and catchy so it's wonderful you thought the parody was done justice!

I tried to send you the link of where you could find the translation of DGS on one your stories but of course the fanfiction website tends to butcher all the links but I hope you were able to figure it out :-)

I look forward to seeing some more of your works in the future, a blessed Good Friday/and Hoppy Easter to you, milady. :-)

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** From what I've seen, people love the live-action Disney films on account of them feeling "more real" (as if that's why people gravitate towards Disney). Though as much as I disagree, I can semi-understand how that opinion could apply to films like "Beauty and the Beast" and "Aladdin" on account of them actually having human characters, but the "The Lion King"? Really? The film is essentially a parody of "Hamlet" featuring talking lions who sing musical numbers and a sentient hornbill with enough sarcasm to kill all of the elephants that we saw in that graveyard. Trying to make a concept like that more realistic is like trying to make water dry.

I have to say, "Christopher Robin" was one of the better live-action movies that Disney has released- partially due to the fact that it wasn't just a remake of the original film and expanded on the "Winnie the Pooh" universe, and partially due to the fact that as a "Star Wars" fan, I will always see Ewan McGregor as the Jedi master of sass and the high ground. Heck, half the time, I was expecting McGregor to yell out, "You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would ration the honey, not eat it all at once! Share the honey with everyone, not hog it for yourself! You were my friend, Pooh! I loved you!" Though what makes it better is that McGregor has a line in the film where he tells Pooh not to say hello to people.

If Apollo can remain completely oblivious to Juniper's feelings towards him after seeing her blushing while knitting a scarf covered in hearts mid-conversation, then I think it's safe to say that he won't be aware of her love for him unless he's outright told. Though since Juniper's the shy, meek girl that she is, that job would probably fall on Athena's shoulders, which she would carry out in the form of either setting up a blind date or beating the news into Apollo… literally.

 **JP:** Never saw the live Pooh movie, as the characters looked kinda creepy to me, but I just may check it out since it has been so well reviewed.

About the Hamlet-inspired flick… I am totally biased of course, as The Lion King is my favourite Disney movie and I have actually seen the live production several times and I'm going to see it again this summer, but considering they managed to get James Earl Jones to play Mufasa again, I'm actually really excited about seeing the live action especially since the CGI looks really good and you could swear those animals are real practically! Also I found out to John Oliver is going to be in there and he is hilarious even if you possibly can't saying as the sarcastic nursemaid bird, and of course considering what a fine job she did in dream girls, which I think is last time I saw her acting, I am curious to see how Beyoncé is as future Queen Nala? As much as I will admit I'm going to see Aladdin because they actually went authentic and picked Middle Eastern actors to play all the characters, the one I'm most excited about is actually Mulan because I love to see girls kicking butt and it is such an awesome feminist movie without being overly preachy :-)

That being said if you're male in the Ace Attorney universe who is not Klavier or Diego Armando with his sexy suave Latino ways, it means you're probably clueless even if you are aesthetically appealing like most of the cast is, about your masculine wiles and ability to cause frothing desire amongst the female masses. Just look at Edgeworth, Phoenix being a blushing dork every time a female is around, (especially in the anime!) and _definitely_ Apollo, whose self-confidence about his appearance probably takes a big hit with his courtroom rival pointing out that you could run _How The West Was Won_ in that humongous area between his hairline and eyebrows! He probably has no clue the sunflower maiden has taken a shine to him, any more than he noticed how his hot redhead colleague nearly jumped out of her skin with excitement at the idea of seeing the secret tattoo on his _Buns_ of Steel! :p

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Actually, based on that rant, I believe that you were more or less channeling your inner Nahyuta. Though considering how Nahyuta never once told Ga'ran that her putrid soul would be burning in Hell despite everything she has done to him, Rayfa, Apollo, and their nation as a whole, I think it's safe to say that he would be entirely apathetic towards Morgan while giving Maya the riot act for her sash not being tied properly.

Personally, I'm not surprised that the anime is so Fey-centric since the games are the same way. In the first game, we have three cases that focus on Maya: "Turnabout Sisters", which features her introduction and Mia's death, "Turnabout Samurai", which helps to establish her quirky personality and interests, and "Turnabout Goodbyes", as seen with the stun gun incident. In "Justice for All", we visit Maya's home village and meet more members of her family in "Reunion, and Turnabout", as well as have "Farwell, My Turnabout" center around her being the hostage of a kidnapping. And finally, in "Trials and Tribulations", every trial in the game, with the exception of "Recipe for Turnabout", focuses on the Feys in one way or another- whether it's in the form of their sacred urn being stolen, one of their kinfolk going on a crime spree, or some convoluted plot involving channeling the spirit of said kinfolk to kill Maya.

Regarding whether or not Maya knew Godot's true identity, I personally believe that it's the latter. For one thing, if she knew who Godot was from the get-go, she would have had no reason to hide it from Phoenix. In addition, there's a good chance that Maya didn't even know who Diego was to begin with. Sure, it's established that Mia was dating Diego, but we don't know how long they were in a relationship. From what I can guess, their love didn't bloom until after Terry's suicide. So with that in mind, since Mia cares deeply for Maya, it would make sense that she would want to wait a while to see where the relationship was going before announcing the news and introducing him to her little sister. After all, for all Mia knew, Diego was merely being sympathetic to her in order to have a cup of coffee at her place, if you know what I mean…

 **JP:** Oh, I totally spoiled myself rotten watching the play-throughs for both DGS one and two but I regret nothing because playing it is a completely different experience in itself! Also, how was I supposed to know what devoted and wonderful fans out there would take the time and trouble to translate the game! Apparently, they have already released the demo for DGS2 case one already! They are just ripping right through it and I can't wait for the second one which just like the Miles games is arguably better than the first! As for the anime, I thought it was a wonderfully satisfying conclusion to is undoubtedly the most epic and beloved case in the entire fandom even if we weren't episode short. It also renewed my ardor for the entire series as I'm now playing the original trilogy the switch, and re-watching season one of the anime now that I have the entire series in dubbed English version! I agree Takumi has a very trademarked way of storytelling which cannot be confused with anybody else not to throw shade on whoever has worked on the second trilogy of Ace Attorney but it just can't compare to the first, can it? That being said voice acting and wonderful graphics helps fill that void just fine! The art working DGS is in my opinion, even prettier than the Ace Attorney series. I find Susato and Ryunosuke look even more realistic and human along with the other main characters than even Phoenix and gang!

As for Maya's character development, the fact that she can that can smile despite going through all that pain shows just how incredibly strong she really is. Just like in real life I've never met a strong person with an easy past. As for my unknowing who Godot really was, I think we need to protect him and keep his secret identity from being divulged would've kept her quiet and less reactive. After all, she's already had more time off the screen to have deduced who he probably is and proven her hunch correct. Besides any girl that can keep smiling after going through hell could probably keep her mouth shut no problem after all she kept _a pretty important gigantic secret_ from Phoenix in Spirit of Justice… About a certain person's foster father's fate…

It could be my own wishful thinking of course but I do think Morgan was probably sentenced to death based on the anime when they were translating that letter which I am watching in the English dub, it's something along the lines of _my final wishes…_ After all, being the person who's essentially a hitman not once but twice for the same person (at which point Maya really _should_ start taking this personally!) could hardly make you be exempt from the same fate as a murderer I imagine? The same with Matt Engarde. I reckon he would've got the same punishment as if he had actually gotten his own hands dirty in doing his ordered evil deeds. But again, it could be wishful thinking that being said, if she did die in prison, I hope it was a really dramatic undignified way, like being randomly murdered during a prison food fight or being while being forced to do unspeakable things as prison bitch for the baddest girl in the prison. Here's a question for you: out of all the females who've ever been convicted and have not been executed/yet executed (for example Dee Vasquez I'm pretty sure would've only done time for her conspiracy and cover-up but not the actual murder of jackhammer since it was self-defense) who do you think would be the biggest badass?

Cheers,

JP


	70. Spiky & His Friends

_JP: This is the last one for this month of showers. Considering the last entry was about a despondent, disbarred defense attorney/The Comeback King trying to save his fair lady from her umpteenth murder rap, I decided to end April with some fluff requested by reader/FF Writer,_ _**Red5T65.**_ _I hope I did your song about anthropomorphic trains (which I know nada about books or show-wise!) justice, dear reader! :)_

 _CT: Thank goodness JP covered this one, because I don't think that the world's ready for "Blaisie and Friends". Sure, Blaise may be my favorite villain in the series, but the thought of his creepy grin on a train's enough to give even me nightmares for a week. Great, now I can't help but picture Jill Crane tied to some train tracks like something out of an old western film, only for Blaise in train form to mow her down, cackling like a madman while that cheerful theme song's playing before proceeding to speed after Sebastian who's trying to get away by running in the middle of the tracks (because we all know that's something he would do) and crying like there's no tomorrow._

* * *

" _ **Spiky & His Friends"**_ _  
_ **Sung to the tune of the  
** _ **"Thomas & Friends**_ **"  
Show Theme Song**

These legal heroes really great  
With them you can trust your fate  
They wear yellow and red and blue  
Fighting hard to defend you

* * *

Strive for justice day by day  
Their powers help them on the way  
With DA's they will contend  
Spiky and his friends!

* * *

Phoenix! He's the famous one  
Apollo! He can't be undone  
Athena! She's almost at prime  
Trucy! Magic's where she shines!  
Maya! Knows her spirit stuff  
Pearly's slaps are really rough!  
Edgeworth! Fights tough but he's fair  
The fop! Plays guitar in air!

* * *

These legal heroes really great  
With them you can trust your fate  
They wear yellow and red and blue  
Fighting hard to defend you

* * *

Strive for justice day by day  
Their powers help them on the way  
With DA's they will contend  
Spiky and his friends!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 69 (HEY-OH!)**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Thanks!Hope you had a very Hoppy Easter indeed! One of the things I love about Maya Fey is her ability to keep smiling even in the worst of times. It's amazing she's not a lawyer, since she has made her late sister's legal advice to her protégé somehow be her life motto! :)

Now here's _your_ completely unnecessary but hopefully somewhat amusing 69 joke (thanks to DJJ680, I'm now on a roll!) XD

 _ **I get it, Bryan Adams. It was the "Summer of 69", but what**_ _ **year**_ _ **?**_

 **CT:** I'm glad that you liked the parodies! Though now that I think about it, I'm a bit ashamed of myself in that I didn't think to suggest for Angel Starr to be the star- pun entirely intended- of the "Dancing Queen" parody. Don't get me wrong, I love what JP did with "Burger Queen", as seen in my A/N for that parody, but I can't help but wonder what we could have done for the Cough-Up Queen.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! _Always_ happy to hear from you no matter what or when, my friend! Yeah, I hear ya about both moods and life being a series of major ups and downs… Believe you me, a roller coaster during an earthquake would be preferable – unless of course, you're Miles Edgeworth but I digress…

Anywhore, in _my_ case it's been more like: more up and down than a bungee rope made of flubber! 😊

While I normally find the creepy German sausage to be unshippable with anyone but Dahlia (all hail the unholy toxic union of Dahlstoph!), I do think a lot of his maniac fixation does spring from a not so latent, full-blown, hate-on boner for Phoenix. I mean come on, _obsess much_ , am I Wright?! As for Nick, although I would ship with Miles if I were to ship him with any other guy, I confess to the guilty pleasure of fleetingly picturing hobo DILF with the fop, as evidenced in _Filling the_ _Void_! 😉

For his part, Phoenix is a complete mensch. I don't think he could hate _anybody_ – with the exception of maybe Matt Engarde… and possibly the creepiscle dildo.

As for Maya, I had a lot of fun with that ABBA request, as I have been yearning for a chance to poke fun at the one Person in Ace Attorney who has had so many false arrests, she probably has a revolving door with her name on it at the detention centre _and_ is at a first name basis with the guards:

" _Clyde! How's Bonnie? Your little guy must be in high school by now, eh?" :p_

I'm now officially like the unstoppable Oprah of 69-one liners now! _You_ get a joke! _You_ get a joke! _You_ get a joke! _Everyone_ gets a joke! XD

 _ **If you're ever worried there's an intruder in your house, shout "69!" down the stairs. If no one laughs, there's no one there!**_

 **CT:** When it comes to Phoenix and Kristoph's friendship, I believe that Kristoph was actually the more genuine of the two- partially to come off as convincing, and partially because he doesn't have that many friends to begin with. Sure, Kristoph may have become friends with Phoenix for the purpose of surveillance and keeping tabs on his enemy, but that doesn't mean that he could reap the benefits friendship, such as having someone to talk to who isn't biologically related to him. I mean, if Kristoph felt no feelings of friendship towards Phoenix, he wouldn't have banked on framing Olga for Zak's murder. He would have simply let Apollo flounder in court without giving him any guidance and watched Phoenix get declared guilty within seconds.

As for Phoenix, thanks to his secret investigation, he was able to quickly figure out that Kristoph screwed him over, so he wasn't truly invested in the relationship. However, as you stated, Phoenix couldn't expose Kristoph immediately due to a lack of proof and therefore had to wait for his chance to strike. However, that doesn't mean that Phoenix couldn't also take advantage of the friendship. After all, as a "friend", Kristoph would be more than happy to help out Phoenix by chipping in when he's running behind on his rent, picking up the bill at restaurants even though Phoenix orders the most expensive items on the menu, and/or driving Trucy to and from her magic shows, as well as staying to watch the entire performance.

As for Phoenix's feelings regarding Klavier, I believe that while he feels that the rock star prosecutor has a bit of an inflated ego and could stand to be a bit more modest, Phoenix actually has no real hatred for him.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _Muchas gracias Señor Java…_ Thanks to your _Nightmare Before Christmas_ request, I too, have literally been singing "The Wright Anything/Anything Agency" to the tune of _This Is Halloween_! Is this your idea of revenge for all the ear-worms I have stuck into your head over the past year? Congratulations, we're even! 😉

Didn't you know the Burger Queen is _always_ going to be all about the food, due to her multiple four or was it six, stomachs? If her and Phoenix ever got together in canon, I'm pretty sure her declaration of ardor, after she decreed that their wedding song would be _Cheeseburger In Paradise_ by Jimmy Buffett, would have been:

 _Maya: "Nick, I love you more than burgers."_

 _Phoenix: "Burgers? Shouldn't I be up there with Prime Rib, at least?!"_

 _Maya: "How about burgers… with bacon?"_

 _Phoenix: "You're The One."_

Bonus joke, BTW, here's an actual spoiler for AA7:

 _ **Jughead Chambers (aka The Judge): I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.**_

 _ **Edgeworth: Your Honor, the accused respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence.**_

 **CT:** Funny you should mention "This is Halloween", because I've already written a parody for that song and plan for it to be used for this fanfic's finale when the time comes.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Greetings! Even the Baron of Bluffing can't fake being a really good pianist with the same skills as Chopin… Hence me and my hilarious partner's shared head canon about how when he's not attempting show tunes/ Disney songs, hobo Nick was a terrible tickler of the ivories and practically made all the bar patrons' ears bleed! I'm sure succumbing himself to that earful of torture whenever he was stalking him at the bar just furthered Kristoph's homicidal Rage and hatred towards the poor man I don't know Layton played the piano, although he's such a Renaissance man that wouldn't be surprising. Why didn't Nick approach the good Professor for lessons I wonder? Maybe since he was apparently a poorer than a church mouse, he vetoed ringing Layton since phone calls for long-distance overseas cost extra and he's not tech savvy enough to know how to Skype, so forget having had the money for a plane ticket?

I had such a blast mixing some SOJ/ABBA for everyone's fave Jailbird Queen, who just can't get past her multi-stomachs even when facing execution at the hands of the Bloodthirsty Spider!

And of course, here's _your_ unsolicited gag, milady! 😊

" _ **Son, I'm thinking of a num –"**_

 _ **"69"**_

 _ ***dad starts flailing his arms***_

" _ **SEE, HONEY, HE'S A GOD DAMN WIZARD!"**_

 **CT:** Tell me about it. From what I've been able to deduce, you need to download some kind of Android phone emulator that you actually have to pay money for. So with that in mind, I think that my exposure to the DGS will be entirely through internet walkthroughs. Sure, I want to play the game, but the means of getting it come off as a bit sketchy to me. But don't worry. Even though I won't be playing the games myself, I'll still be able to write fanfics involving the characters if I ever feel inclined to. I mean, I was writing stories involving Blaise and Sebastian for a good year before playing "Investigations 2" firsthand.  
Regarding the bit about Phoenix playing Disney songs, you can thank JP for inspiring that idea when she had Phoenix torturing everyone in the Borscht Bowl by constantly playing the "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme in "Turnabout Everlasting". And knowing how Phoenix is, his rendition of that beloved song was probably much to be desired.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I have found my favourite party guests are generally the ones who show up late but leave even later, bud. 😊

The Periwinkle Piss Head … How do I hate thee, you gaping, prolapsed anus. I agree that the dialogue at the end of Phoenix's lament was very well done, even if it made my teeth grind that it would be quite some time before prissy Krissy got his comeuppance… And in the end hopefully was wishing he was in hell with his back broke! Bwahahaha!

I hope the Easter Bunny was very good to you. You have recommended a few songs and movies to me in the past and if you have even a somewhat warped sense of humor which based on your song requests like _Zombies On The Lawn_ and _You Are Dead_ , you probably do, then I highly recommend _The Nightmare Before Christmas._ Nowhere near as dark as you would think considering it still is a Disney production, but epic and hilarious with some of the catchiest underrated tunes ever produced by Team Rodent! I never thought the day would come when I'd be rooting for an 8-foot-tall skeleton to be the hero who saves the day that's exactly what happened. Bonus since your shipping trash like I am… His love interest is an undead _ragdoll_! :p

Well, Nick was trying to make sure that his lady love that pretty noggin of her's above her shoulders where belonged in SOJ, (for the umpteenth time!) lest Her Malevolence have the executioner taunt the poor guy afterward, after that blade hath fallen, about how Maya Fey _"gave great head!"_ Hey oh! 😉

That notwithstanding, no doubt if Phoenix _had_ been unsuccessful in his last endeavor to keep The Burger/Jailbird Queen from capital punishment, and she'd been asked, as she stepped up to the scaffold, if she had any last words, a thousand bucks says they would've been:  
 _  
"But I'm still_ _ **hungry**_ _…"_

Yeah, I know, I know… I am absolutely terrible with my unapologetic lewdness when it comes to these two, but it's very comforting to know my good friend is with me, along with his formerly squeaky-clean mind joining mine in the gutter in the gutter! 😉

What can I say pal?

 _ **If I had a dollar for every single time I unnecessarily sexualized a sentence, I'd have… 69 dollars.**_

 **CT:** The way I see it, "Jack's Lament" is a song about a man- or a skeleton monster- lamenting about how he wants to do more with his life, but can't because he's a prisoner to his responsibilities. So with that in mind, it wasn't that hard to alter the song to fit Phoenix's dilemma. Sure, Phoenix loves Trucy with all of his heart, but if he had definitive proof that Kristoph was behind that false evidence, then he would have used it in a heartbeat and went back to being a defense attorney.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** At this point I would definitely say that Maya and Edgeworth are probably tied for awesome character development, although his was starting to show gradually in the first game and came to a head in the second in a completely abrupt but not unwelcome Turnabout.

On the other hand, Maya's was gradual as you said, over the arc of the original trilogy. What I really loved about Spirit of Justice was that they showed that not only had she grown into a very beautiful woman, whose beauty probably could even rival Mia's at this point, but while she is still the playful and silly Maya we know and love, she has also grown fully into her powers and gained a subtle but unmissable level of maturity that wasn't there before in the first three games.

Then there's Rayfa, who I really want to give an honourable mention to in the character development department because in just one game, she went from being a scathing, tempestuous mini Franziska who was way too overly confident in her abilities (if her nose had gotten any higher in the air, she'd have keeled over!), to a humbled, kind and reformed royal priestess that we were all rooting for and seeing as a sympathetic character by the end.

Her brother… No matter how badly they tried to reform him by the end, did not get the same growth, but I digress. Why waste any more valuable breath on the putrid Khura'in Galadriel? Let's just agree that he's an irredeemable ass bucket, let it go and move on, shall we? 😉

I figure enough Mia had mentioned going out with somebody, or Maya had met Diego, he was almost unrecognizable as Godot and she would have been much younger at the time so perhaps she just couldn't connect the two until much later, or maybe when she was locked into that cavern and had some time to think? However, I totally agree that Pearl got the whole "special someone's" concept from Maya herself… Possibly because she gushes about Nick so much, plus Pearl's starry-eyed thoughts were probably fueled by them _both_ watching romantic comedies whenever they weren't training! I have a head canon that Mia and Maya would watch a lot of romantic comedies and legal dramas whenever she saw her sister in the city and therefore Maya has a whole collection of chick-flicks on VHS in her village!

I am not sure if it's the same team who did DGS as the ones who did AAI2 but they did AH-MAZING! They make it practically impossible not to ship Ryunosuke and Susato when under her character profile, he literally describes her as something along the lines of "the perfect Japanese woman."

Yup, Lady Macbeth is a psychotic demoness. In the anime, she wrote that note to Pearl as being it "her final wish" hinting end is near and DEATH! DEATH! DEATH! Awaits her! In the case the fruit of her loins, the redheaded satanic succubus, something, something, apple, tree.

Hee! _I_ could sure count Bitchtoff as being a female. After all, CT had him as the sole _man-gina_ holder singing with the other jailbird gals in his Chicago parody, and I agree with you there wasn't much to Ini, 99 Luft Balloons, or Discount Store Dahlia. I'd like to think Raymond Shields got Kate off with a lighter sentence, and they're now happily married! 😊

Vasquez obviously had mob ties… maybe she was kinda badass.

And last but not least, here's your quip!

 _ **Sees that a basketball team has 69 points* Ha-Ha! Sixty- *the team quickly gets another point*  
Uh nothing, I wasn't saying anything…**_

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** When it comes to the most despicable female villain in the series- not including Dahlia, Morgan, and Ga'ran for obvious reasons- I believe that role goes to Patricia Roland. Sure, she doesn't come off as malicious as her cohorts, but that doesn't change the fact that she took part in a plan to assassinate a nation's president while using her orphanage as the crime scene. And if that wasn't bad enough, Patricia had no qualms in ruthlessly interrogating Simon, a young, broken child whose only crime was being at the wrong place at the wrong time, to the point where he couldn't take it anymore and ran away. You know, if you think about it, Patricia was probably a bigger factor in Simon's views on the legal system and authority than Blaise or the fake president.

Sure, you could argue that Patricia got what was coming to her by Dogen blackmailing her, but you have to remember that she murdered a man who had no way of defending himself at the time, all because he was playing correspondence chess with her blackmailer and had a chisel hidden in his chess board.

The same could be said about Edgeworth's arc. In the first game, Edgeworth is initially the Demon Prosecutor, but slowly starts to redeem himself as he helps Phoenix prove Will Powers' innocence and is freed from the inner demons that had haunted him for 15 years. Then in "Justice for All", Edgeworth returns after months of soul searching, helping to keep Phoenix from going down the dark path of earning victory at any cost- even if it's done with good intentions- with his newfound philosophy of being just and fighting for the truth.

But arguably one of the biggest games in regards to Edgeworth's character arc is "Investigations 2", which focuses on him having to decide whether he wants to continue being a prosecutor or follow in his father's footsteps as a defense attorney. In addition to this, Edgeworth gains some much needed closure in this game when he manages to solve his father's last case and prove Master's innocence.

 **DJJ680**

" _Insert 69 joke here."_

 **JP:** As you wish! :p

Ahem….

 _ **Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers!**_

 **CT:** Frankly, to me, the trailer for "Rise of Skywalker" had the same tone as the other Disney "Star Wars" movies- bland and directionless. Seriously, a third of the trailer consisted of Rey breathing deeply. The only shred of hope to come out of that trailer in my opinion is the possibility that Palpatine will come back- perhaps through essence transferal- and do to Rey what he did with Savage in "Clone Wars". But then again, this is a Disney "Star Wars" film that we're talking about. So with that in mind, Palpatine's part will probably be a watered-down version of the one from "Return of the Jedi"- Palpatine goads Rey into trying to kill him, she and Kylo get in a fight, and the latter sacrifices himself in order to take down Palpatine. However, instead of being silent and badass like Vader, Kylo will probably spew out a bunch of comments so edgy that they require safety labels.

In regards my thoughts on Kristoph's mental state, one of the Joker's lines comes to mind: "All it takes is one rotten day to transform a normal man into a monster." Chances are, Kristoph has hated Phoenix for a number of years, and in a sense, he's justified. Think about it, how would you feel if you were a defense attorney who spent hours upon hours preparing for cases, making sure that you have all the evidence you need to back up your argument and the proper logic to support that evidence, only to have some carefree attorney who just bluffs his way through every one of his trials, while somehow managing to win nearly all of them, overshadow you? You'd be understandably upset- especially when he's getting cool nicknames like "Comeback King" and "Turnabout Terror" while the best you could get is "Coolest Defense in the West". And in a sense, that's not even a nickname, that's a character description. Heck, that's probably what Kristoph wrote on his business cards in some sad attempt to compete with Phoenix.

But back to my point, even though Kristoph resented Phoenix's lax approach and seemingly endless good luck, he was probably able to restrain himself on account of the fact that Phoenix never did anything to him personally. However, that all changed when Kristoph lost his chance to finally make a name for himself seemingly due to a stroke of bad luck by losing a poker game, only to be replaced by Phoenix. That was the moment when Phoenix hurt Kristoph, which in turn caused him to snap and do things that he wouldn't ever consider doing. I mean, if Kristoph exercised even half of the persistence and energy that he did with his revenge scheme against Phoenix in regards to anyone who irritated him, he wouldn't have the time to be an attorney in the first place.

Even then, Kristoph wasn't without mercy. During "Turnabout Trump", Kristoph was willing to prove Phoenix innocent by pinning the crime on Olga. Had Kristoph truly wanted to see Phoenix burn, then he would have been a smart aleck and fulfilled Phoenix's wish by having Apollo act as the defense attorney for that trial, only to teach his young protégé none of the basics of cross-examining and looking at the court record, which would in turn result in Phoenix getting convicted within minutes.

Still, even though Kristoph could have potentially been redeemed during the seven-year gap, he lost that opportunity when he killed Zak.

Sorry about the long response. As you know, I can get a bit enthusiastic when I get on the subject of Kristoph.


	71. Let's Help Her Eminence!

_CT: If you thought that "Surgeon!", a parody in which Grey cuts out the vocal chords of the weather girl who had the audacity to ruin his suit with her faulty predictions, is the darkest entry in this fanfic, then you haven't read this one yet. Honestly, I don't know what possessed me to sit down and listen to the original song for hours on end as I wrote this. I guess it got stuck in my head as I suffered with a stealth section for nearly ten minutes as it played in the background when I was recording my blind playthrough of the game. That, or it left me with mental scars when I heard it playing in a dark hallway reminiscent of the one from "The Shining". Either way, somehow this parody came into being and made me start questioning my sanity._

 _JP: Gyaah! I thought the sight of Jean Armstrong twerking in the AA anime was the most disturbing thing I'd have to witness this year...but it looks like I was wrong. Enjoy the mondo disturbia imagery concocted by my comic genius partner, who has openly disclaimed that on occasion, his sense of humor is more twisted than a pretzel in a tornado! Lemme know if you agree this might surpass the nightmare fuel of a certain twerking jiggling cream puff! ;)_

* * *

 _ **"Let's Help Her Eminence!"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"Let's Play with Monokuma"**  
 **from** _ **"Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls"**_

It was a regular day at the Anything Agency and Phoenix was using that time to read a case file for an upcoming trial. However, the spiky-haired attorney was suddenly interrupted by Maya bursting into the office.

"Nick! Nick! Nick!" Maya jovially screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran over to her friend. "I've just received the greatest gift ever- the gift to end all gifts!"

"The willpower to keep yourself from bleeding my poor wallet dry with your infamous four stomachs?" Phoenix wry asked, not even looking up from his case file.

"Don't be silly, Nick!" Maya chirped as she playfully slapped her friend's shoulder. "I'm talking about this!"

The burger-loving spirit medium pulled a videotape labeled 'Special Musical Episode' out of her robe, placing it right on top of Phoenix's case file so that he couldn't ignore it.

"A video, Maya?" Phoenix asked with a tone of slight irritation as he handed the tape back to his loyal assistant.

"Not just any video, Nick! This video contains an episode of 'The Plumed Punisher' that will never, ever be aired!" Maya squealed, hugging the videotape as if it was her baby.

"What?" Phoenix asked, flashing the excited fangirl a confused look.

"Yeah! Prosecutor Sahdmadhi mailed it to Kurain just for me! Apparently, he and Rayfa were cleaning out Inga's private quarters and found it in one of his desk drawers."

"Wait, why wouldn't Rayfa want to keep it for herself? After all, she's a huge 'Plumed Punisher' fan as well."

"From what I read in the note that Prosecutor Sahdmadhi included with the video, Rayfa doesn't want to watch any unreleased episodes that depict Ga'ran as a hero and Dhurke as a villain. That's why they're currently filming an arc where Dhurke, Inga, and the Plumed Punisher move past their differences and team up to fight Ga'ran, who's now a cyborg that fires lasers and breathes fire. But since this was the last episode that Inga worked on before he… you know… Rayfa couldn't bring herself to throw it out and instead decided to send it to a friend that she knew would appreciate it; which is why we're gonna watch it right now!"

Without waiting for her friend to respond, Maya rushed over to the television and inserted the tape into the VCR that Phoenix, like with his old dinosaur phone, refused to get rid of.

"Maya, no offence, but watching that episode is the last thing I want to do today." Phoenix stated as he went back to reading his case file.

"C'mon, Nick! I know you're an old geezer, but why don't you wanna have fun?" Maya whined.

"I like fun, but if I want to survive tomorrow's trial against Franziska, I have to study this case file." Phoenix retorted, slapping the back of his hand against the manila folder to emphasize his point. "And if Franziska does kill me because I decided to have fun instead of having some sort of strategy, I don't want it to be because I was watching the Khura'inese knockoff of 'The Steel Samurai'."

"But, Niiiiiiiiick! This is an episode that only we get to see! It'll change the way we look at the world!"

"That's what you said when Gumshoe sold you that video that he secretly filmed of Edgeworth wearing a Steel Samurai tee-shirt and tight European shorts while doing his morning calisthenics in his apartment as part of his line of 'Edgeworth merchandise'." Phoenix shuddered upon recalling that dreadful video. "And just so you know, I'm still having nightmares about it."

"Don't be such a baby, Nick!" Maya huffed with puffed out cheeks. "This episode will be fun, you'll see!"

"Yeah, I'll make sure to remember that when Franziska puts me in a coma." Phoenix wryly retorted.

"Well, if you don't watch this episode with me, then I'll tell Pearly, and you know how she gets when you upset me!"

"Hey, Boss, if you don't want to watch that video, I could take your place while you-" Athena called out from inside the bathroom, her voice filled with hope, only to be cut-off by Phoenix.

"Nice try, Athena, but you're not leaving that bathroom until the toilet is spotless."

"But I always have to clean the toilet!" Athena whined.

"Well, I've always had to watch these kinds of shows with Maya. So, it looks like we're even." Phoenix groaned as Maya turned on the video which proceeded to play 'The Plumed Punisher' theme song.

However, unlike most episodes of 'The Plumed Punisher', instead of going straight into the episode, it just stayed on the title screen as Inga started speaking in a tone that sounded like he really didn't want to do this.

"Hey kids, I know you wanna jump straight into today's episode, but before we get into all the action, drama, and comedy, Her Eminence has a little treat for you that she's been working very hard on. So because we all… like… her, and because she can be very… persuasive, here's Queen Ga'ran and the Ga'ran Kids."

The video immediately cut to Ga'ran standing in the middle of a stage where she had children who were dressed like the Plumed Punisher to either side of her in a straight, orderly line. Though Phoenix and Maya weren't focusing on the children or the former queen, but rather the props that were behind the group: fake trees that were typically used in stage productions that had the bodies of deceased Defiant Dragons – not mannequins with armbands, but actual corpses that used to be living, breathing people – dangling from the branches by the ropes ties around their necks like morbid fruits.

And as if things couldn't be any creepier, a cheery tune that wouldn't be out of place in a carnival that sounded eerily similar to the song from 'It's a Small World' started playing as the children started singing.

* * *

 _Let's fight the Defiant Dragons,  
And fill the air with their screams and yells.  
Queen Amara died because Dhurke's the Devil in human-form,  
So they must burn and rot in Hell._

* * *

 _Queen Ga'ran bears a holy light,  
Which she will use to purge this blight.  
Queen Ga'ran loves all her people,  
So serve her and be gleeful._

* * *

 _If you see a Dragon in the streets,  
Don't hesitate to beat in their brains.  
We will create a mountain with all their bodies,  
And crush Dhurke under their remains._

* * *

 _Kill them!  
Kill them!  
Kill them, Your Eminence!  
Break them!  
Break them!  
Break them, Your Eminence!_

* * *

 _If we band together in these most dark of times,  
Dhurke will surely pay for his crimes._

* * *

 _Your Eminence, we will achieve peace,  
When their blood flows through the streets.  
We won't show a shred of mercy,  
When we stab and bleed them out._

* * *

 _They will feel every shred of fury,  
When we crush all their bones._

* * *

 _We will not stop till every Dragon's dead,  
And their remains are all black, blue, and red.  
The Holy Mother smiles down on us,  
Because we serve Her holy cause._

* * *

 _Do not listen to Dhurke's silver tongue,  
Instead rip it out painfully.  
We only heed the word of Her Eminence,  
As we fight that big bully._

* * *

 _When the dragons are defeated and dead,  
We will light their bodies ablaze and see them melt,  
And roast Dhurke on them alive so he knows how Her Mercifulness felt._

* * *

 _Burn them!  
Burn them!  
Burn them, Your Eminence!  
Crush them!  
Crush them!  
Crush them, Your Eminence!_

* * *

 _Tomorrow will be a bright and joyous day,  
When Dhurke's killed like base prey._

* * *

 _Queen Ga'ran's a woman of repose,  
But even she has her limits.  
Queen Ga'ran won't tolerate those,  
Who threaten our safety._

* * *

 _Holy Mother, guide our hands and goals,  
So You can damn Dhurke's soul!_

* * *

The footage then transitioned back to the show's title screen where Inga once again started speaking.

"Thanks for listening to that little message from my… lovely wife. And now for the moment you've all been waiting for, the epic fight between the Plumed Punisher and Dhurke's –"

However, before the episode itself could start, Maya quickly turned off the television.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, Nick!" She groaned, putting a hand over her mouth before making a beeline dash for the bathroom and slamming the door behind her.

"Oh, c'mon! I just finished cleaning that, Maya!" Athena wailed at the top of her lungs.

"I never thought that I'd say this," Phoenix mumbled to himself as he just stared at the black television screen with a mixed look of terror and shock in his eyes. "But I think that I've found something more horrifying than _'Edgeworth's Honeybun Sunrise'_! "

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 70**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** It's been suggested that perhaps Phoenix's daughters created the song for commercial with probably the assistance of Ema who would seize any opportunity to call Klavier _the fop_ so now I'm picturing them animating said commercial with their faces on each of the trains including Phoenix's iconic spikes, set in a railway courtroom setting! The imaginations of my readers are priceless! 😊

 _Muchas gracias_ for taking the time to drop me a line _Señor_ Java! _De nada_ for yet another ear worm! 😉

 **CT:** And in this train universe, the Judge is Sir Topham Hatt!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I was told the books were set in a dystopian future and actually had some pretty dark undertones so I was surprised about what up happy and upbeat theme song they had! We will not speak a Sonic the Hedgehog. I am already having enough nightmares about a demonic furry on meth gracing an 80-foot screen coming near you! It's really cute that you said you could see Pearl and Trucy would have use the song to promote the WAA and even made a commercial out of it because another reader said the line with the fop made him think _Ema_ had written it some now I'm thinking maybe they consulted her for some input on it and she's the one who maybe suggested the line! 😊

As for keeping your mind out of the gutter… This is a largely Disney based song parody series so we try to keep it clean… Putting your mind in the gutter is what all my _other_ works are for! 😉

 **CT:** While I may not be a huge fan of the "Sonic the Hedgehog" series, at least Paramount had the sense to revise their design for Sonic so that he actually resembles himself and not some love child that he had with Blaze after a hot- pun entirely intended- night of passion while Silver sat in the corner and watched. But even if they did keep the original "realistic" design, as long as Paramount doesn't have Sonic having romantic relations with princesses, wearing copious amounts of running tape, cussing, and/or being anywhere near any firearms or motorcycles, then they've done less harm to the franchise than Sega has.  
If anyone has a right to be upset at that video, it's Edgeworth. Sure, it may be a bit embarrassing for Phoenix, but at least he's the main focus of the song- that, and he's used to this kind of stuff at this point. But as for Edgeworth, he's treated as some kind of side note, being the seventh one mentioned after Pearl, Athena, and even Apollo. You know your life has gone downhill when Apollo of all people manages to outrank you in a song. And as for Klavier, even though he was ranked last, he would just laugh it off as a joke since they refer to him by his nickname.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn!While I can see, and appreciate the AA comparison to the 80's hit show even thoughthe _A-Team_ predates me, (and of course I know Mr. T – the original _blinger_! – and how he rivals Franny's over usage of the word "fool!") I am so glad you didn't ask me to parody that theme song – it'd be freaking hard!

I thought _Mama Who Bore Me_ sounded familiar, (as a onetime _Glee_ fan, I knew Lea Michele was in the Broadway version of _Spring Awakening_ , but didn't know what it was about) and I realized when I looked it up that they did it on the 90210 reboot. I liked it the best of the three. Good call that I'd enjoy these tunes, but I wasn't sure what to do with the other two – unless CT wants to have a go at a song with lyrics like _"totally fucked!"_ 😉  
However, I am happy to take a stab at _Mama_ for my fave funny lady! 😊

 **CT:** Don't worry about it. I've pictured the "Ace Attorney" cast starring in their own version of "The A-Team" plenty of times with Phoenix as the leader, Edgeworth as the brains, Gumshoe as the muscle, Maya or Kay as the wild card, and Larry as the driver. Though for me, my imagination has taken it a step further by picturing an "Ace Attorney" version of the Cooper Gang from the "Sly Cooper" series with Kay as the mischievous master thief, Edgeworth as the introverted genius, and Gumshoe as the lovable strongman- especially if they were in a situation similar to the mission "Stand Your Ground" from "Honor Among Thieves". After all, knowing how loyal Gumshoe is to Edgeworth, I don't think that it would be too much of a stretch to see him fighting off an army of cobra-tiger-frog and alligator-crab-kangaroo mutants with only his bare hands in order to defend his superior.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Hey, gimme some credit about the beast you helped unleash! Do you have any idea how hard it was to come up with that many semi-clean 69 jokes? XD

I think that most of these characters, despite being generally aesthetic, are kinda dorky, with their geek samurai shows and such, so comparison to _TBBT_ makes sense. I think my favorite _Odd Couple_ in the series would have to be Miles and Kay or Gummy and Miles. Who's yours?

 **CT:** Easy. You turned JP into Moe the clown. I hope you're happy with yourself, DJJ680, because you're starting to bring "Turnabout Big Top" to life. Now all we're missing is a flamboyant country bumpkin turned magician, a ventriloquist with a split personality, an animal trainer who can seduce nearly anyone without even trying, and an acrobat who can make anyone feel depressed as heck after a single conversation.

Regarding "Episode 9", I'm going to see it- not because I believe that it'll be any good, but rather due to how I've suffered through "Force Awakens" and "The Last Jedi" and feel that I might as well see the entire trilogy. Plus, even if "Episode 9" isn't very good, it couldn't possibly be as bad as "The Last Jedi", a.k.a. the Battle of Hoth the movie.

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **JP:** That's my comic genius partner for you – I've written/read comedy chapters where his reviews were even more sidesplitting than the story content! 😊

Head canon accepted that the nerdy science beauty penned this, although since I ship SkyeFop so hard, I like to think she's never ceased calling him _fop_ , just now it's said with more affection! 😉

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that this parody comes off as something as something Trucy would write as a birthday gift to her daddy or as a theme song to promote the Anything Agency. Sure, fop may be Ema's nickname for Klavier, but knowing her, the only way he'd get a part in her parody of a song about sentient trains is if it involved him being hit by one.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** Thank you so much for the kind words, punny milady! I'm happy that over a year later we still haven't run out of _steam!_ 😉

I'm really happy people thought I did a good job with this song, as I wasn't sure about the popularity of this presumed kid's show. I'm completely unfamiliar with the fandom both books and show but I did think of you since the children singing it had the cutest little British accents! 😊

 **CT:** Technically, Phoenix can only afford one round trip to Khura'in on account of the second one being paid for by Edgeworth, a.k.a. the First National Bank of Logic, Cravats, and Pink Suits. But then again, even if Phoenix had the money, I think that he'd be a bit reluctant to return to England, lest he gets kidnapped and brainwashed into thinking that he's a baker again by another corporate bigwig with a god complex.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** this will be my final thoughts on the putrid Sad Monk who always try to scare everybody into believing in the holy mother or risk her wrath in the Twilight Realm:

If the only thing keeping a person decent/pious is the expectation of a divine reward, then brother, truly that person is the mother of all Ass Douches.

 _Anywhore_ ….

I think the reason Edgeworth is such a fan favourite is because he had a complete turnabout in character but considering what a douche canoe he was in the first game, it was completely needed, as he had to shake off the stench of everything lingering from his time as Manfred Von Karma being his mentor!

One of the reasons I really like Kay Faraday is because she's the only other female besides Franziska (we all already know he's a big softy for Phoenix since he has literally chartered a jet twice for him now!) who allowed us to see his softer, more magnanimous side. I do agree with you about Franny not reaching her peak development just yet which is why I really hope she's back in the next game along of course with Gumshoe who is my number one choice!

That being said, don't expect as dramatic of a shift in her persona like there was with the Princess with the wild mare. It was made very clear in the Miles 2 game, when she was at the height of her altruism, that she for some reason liked the idea of Edgeworth still considering her a bit of a tsundere/hardass. This was exemplified when Gumshoe tried to let it be known that _she_ was the one who had done the background homework to make Edgeworth's investigations speed along, she promptly shushed him and didn't want the credit. It was really cute, and so totally Franziska von Karma!

I like to think that Pearl Fey got her fairytale romance idealisms from both Mia (by proxy) and therefore, Maya, and yes that includes the term _special someone's._ I think it's just more testimony to how sweet and innocent and wonderful character is most people come from broken homes and see crumbling marriages around them shy away from the whole concept of commitment and get very embittered at least the ones I have known in real life! They're not idealistic and hopeful for a fairytale Prince because they're too jaded by the unrealistic notion. This just makes me love the precocious spirit medium even more than I already do. 😊

The VHS is a complete relic but I don't think Kurian village is the height of sophisticated technology so it's very likely that was what Maya and Mia probably grew up on. And I bet you they weren't even all VHS but possibly BETA! I mean come on the whole village had _a_ phone and it was a freaking _payphone?!_

Regarding Ryunosuke and Susato, it's strongly hinted in the second game that they end up together, otherwise why that whole cliffhanger _will she or won't she_ at the end? And let's not forget what a loyal wifely figure she was in the 15th anniversary video where Phaya actually met Ryusato! I nearly died of joy; it was so awesome!

I'd like to think both Morgan and Matt bit the dust in prison. Lady Macbeth during a prison food fight she got caught in the midst of, and the latter because De Killer (who is still at large!) because he finally made his success of his target! 😉

Regarding Bitchtoff Gavin being androgynous… Who cares if he is _listed_ as a man so is Jean Armstrong and they flat out asked him if he was a woman! XD

I call him Prissy Krissy for a reason. It's one thing to get a manicure as a man but who the hell actually puts on nail _polish_?! He seems very fussy I sort of picture him being like Niles Crane in the earliest seasons of the show _Frasier_ , the fusty, dusty sort who would literally dust off any public chair with a handkerchief before he sat down on it… Head canon which has been widely augmented by the fact that he speaks like a complete and total prig! There is some grim satisfaction that his overly flowery purple prose way of speaking was ultimately his undoing _Herr_ _Pate_ and "cards like blue flame" acclaim indeed!

Regarding Simon Keyes, if it's possible for a villain to be likable and have you kind of rooting for him then yes, the insane clown definitely fits that bill! I hated the fact that he put poor Kay Faraday who I adore in the middle of his dastardly plots but they were so justified since he was doing everything he could to preserve his life and to be honest aside from the Yatagarasu, he really didn't screw over anyone who didn't completely deserve it! As far as project backstories go, his is right up there with Acro, although I really don't see him as a major villain!

Here's a hard one for you – who had a worse motive/was an overall bigger pettier bitch? Manny or Krissy?

 **CT:** As you can probably tell, when it comes to villains in the "Ace Attorney" series, none can top Blaise in my eyes due to the fact that he's just so diabolically evil to the point where nearly every other villain pales in comparison. Sure, we have plenty of despicable baddies like Manfred and Dahlia, but at least they both had some method to their madness- revenge and covering up past crimes, respectively. However, that's not the case with Blaise.

Based on what we see in "The Forgotten Turnabout" and "The Grand Turnabout", Blaise's only motivation for doing the stuff that he does is that he wants to see the world burn- that, and simply because he can thanks to his vast influence. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that Blaise is one of the few villains in the series who's outright sadistic and psychopathic. Going back to Manfred, he may have been ruthless, but at least he was always open with his ruthlessness towards the defendant from the second he first met them. So, in that sense, the defendant would have time to accept their fate before they were convicted. However, when Blaise would prosecute a trial, he was much more devious. For you see, Blaise would raise the defendant's hopes by offering them a plea bargain- a confession complete with a motive and method in exchange for a lighter punishment- only to crush them to dust during the trial by turning on the defendant and using their own confession to get them a life sentence.

Furthermore, Blaise is one of the more fascinating villains in the series due to how he is pretty much the complete opposite of Simon in nearly every way. With Simon, his planning was done purely out of necessity and nothing more. Sure, that planning resulted in the deaths of four people, but if Simon didn't do anything, then chances are that he would have been the one pushing up daisies. Contrast this to Blaise who, as previously stated, did all of his malicious deeds purely out of the joy he gets from watching people squirm. In addition, with Simon, the hardest part about convicting him was proving that he did something wrong in the first place. After all, writing a few letters and putting a chisel in a chessboard does not a murder make. Heck, the only illegal things that Simon did were kidnapping Kay and John and killing the body double out of self-defense. This is further exemplified by the fact that Simon looks so plain and innocent from the moment you meet him. On the other hand, you have Blaise who makes no attempt to hide his malicious ways from the moment you first meet him. Heck, they might as well have made "Ave Satani" Blaise's theme song. For crying out loud, within five minutes of meeting him, Blaise had already humiliated Franziska by telling everyone present that she used to sit on his lap and call him Unky Boo Boo when she was a little girl and verbally abused his son eight ways from Sunday. So, with that in mind, the true challenge wasn't figuring out that Blaise was the true culprit- he was more than happy to admit that with a sneer on his face- but rather actually managing to overcome his vast influence and dirty tactics. Seriously, the guy had no qualms in telling his son- who up until that point in the case was just trying to help his father- that every one of his achievements was a lie and completely shatter his worlds.

And this brings us to Blaise's relationship with Sebastian, one of the more nuanced father/child dynamics in the series- not because the child has to come to grips with the fact that their father is a criminal (we've seen plenty of that with Franziska), but rather due to how it's barely even familial. As Blaise has made it painfully obvious, he hates Sebastian with a burning passion and loves nothing more than to see his son suffer. However, despite this disdain, Blaise has not only allowed for Sebastian to survive for 17 years, but also ensured that he had a good career as a prosecutor. Why is that? Why would Blaise, this guy who can't stand incompetence and is so malicious that he killed his own wife, allow his son who he views as absolutely useless live? It's not like Blaise was ever afraid of being arrested. After all, he was more than happy to help assassinate a nation's president. Plus, Blaise could easily write Sebastian's death off as being the work of someone who was trying to intimidate him or a revenge-crazed prosecutor whose record he sullied with a penalty.

The way I see it, the reason why Blaise kept Sebastian around was because he saw his son as a tool and nothing more. Think about it- if Blaise didn't trust Sebastian in the slightest, why would he use his influence to put the boy in charge of prosecuting cases that he viewed as important? Sure, Sebastian can barely speak correctly, let alone solve a murder case, but that's exactly what Blaise wanted. If you notice, all of the cases that Sebastian was put in charge of involved culprits who could somehow be connected to Blaise in some way, shape, or form. So, by putting his completely oblivious son in charge of those cases, Blaise was able to essentially have complete control over them thanks to Sebastian's unwavering loyalty towards him and his need to impress- something that would have been impossible with any other prosecutor. For example, Blaise was able to easily dispose of the knife that Patricia used to murder Horace without even having to set foot near an evidence room or office safe thanks to Sebastian being naïve enough to give it to him for "safekeeping". Though you know what the scary part is? Had Blaise not tried to eliminate Edgeworth and retained his power, there's a good chance that he would have made Sebastian a puppet chief prosecutor.


	72. When Your Sister's A Demon

_JP: For JusticeForNoOne. Mi amigo, I hope despite not being as fluffy as the fond memories you have with this song, I found using the titian-haired succubitch as the as the parody subject worked quite well with the melody! The other option was Inga singing "when your wife's a wicked queen" but I think my hilarious co-pilot has paid enough homage to the emasculated defense Minister (if you want to know more details about why that is my accepted head canon for the dastardly fiendish murder of Daddy Dragon – read CT's_ _Imperial Daddy_ _…if you dare! Bwahahaha!_

 _While this is still a song about the most diabolical villainess in the entire series, it's sung by her comparatively angelic twin and nevertheless is hopefully a bit less…disturbia than the last dark path the last song took us._ 😊

 _CT: If Iris ever has to babysit Pearl for a night and needs to sing a lullaby to help her baby sister get to sleep, chances are that this parody will be at the top her list. Though knowing Iris, she probably also has a version dedicated to her mother, a.k.a. the Wicked Witch of Kurain._

* * *

" _ **When Your Sister's A Demon"**_ **  
Sung to the tune of  
"When You Wish Upon A Star" from  
Disney's **_**Pinocchio**_

When your sister's a demon  
It never is too much fun  
Putting out all of her fires  
It makes me blue

* * *

She's not as sweet as she seems  
No murder is too extreme  
Wish she'd get hit by a car  
Sometimes it's true

* * *

A wicked mind  
Kills those she claims to love  
Do I hate her? Well, kind of  
She's done too much wrongdoing

* * *

I share the face of evil shrew  
She'll rot in hell that's nothing new  
When your sister's a demon  
It's never much fun…

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that the Blue Badger would be a better fit for the role of the "Ace Attorney" equivalent of Monokuma due to how it can be both cute and terrifying at the same time. I mean, if something's disturbing enough to cause Edgeworth, the guy who was haunted by the idea of him inadvertently killing his father for 15 years and has dealt with a wide range criminals nearly every day for years, is freaked out by something, then you know it's disturbing. Plus, I could easily imagine the Blue Badger saying something along the lines of "'Cause I'm a badger!"

 **JP:** I don't think Edgeworth would react to kindly to that _wriggling piece of plywood_ very well either! Although as the AA1 and AA2 games, he did manage to conquer his fear of elevators and managed to ride them, therefore maybe he would be over any fear of that horrid thing that attacked him once and be as unruffled and composed as he was when he was held at gunpoint in his office and just open up a can of whoopass on any demonic plushy trying to encourage him to murder anyone! I think most of the cast is pretty badass by this point… Something, something whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger? 😊

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Based on that description, the mastermind of that killing game can only be Crazy Steve. Obviously, he still hasn't gotten over the fact that Josh not only made him spend many hours searching for "Ick Glockmah" (only to try to weasel out of seeing it), but also ate his enchilada. I mean, there's only so many complaints about cup holders being unstable a man can take before he snaps; and once that time comes, no amount of "Dora the Explorer" can fix things. Heck, all of the masterminds in the "Danganronpa" series were partially compelled to do what they did due to little whinny punkholes like Josh worrying about their precious little lemonades being a teeny bit unbalanced. So with that in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if Crazy Steve woke up one Monday morning and decided out of the blue to start a killing game.

 **JP:** Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with any of those fandoms although I do love the idea of a Danganronpa and Ace Attorney crossover! I think by now most of the AA characters after all the trauma they've been through are pretty badass so despite _any_ of the shit a certain demonic teddy bear could try to throw at them, they would be like… Bring it on bitches! 😊

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** Considering how Apollo was treated ever since he was introduced to the series, I wasn't surprised in the slightest when he jumped at the chance to move to Khura'in. Heck, what's more surprising is that Apollo never attempted to eat two bowls of Eldoon's noodles and end his misery. Then again, we've never seen Apollo actually eat at Eldoon's in-game. For all we know, Apollo does that every time the group goes to eat there, only for Phoenix, Trucy, or Athena to slap the second bowl out of his hands before he can attempt it.  
Luckily for Athena, if we're going by the events of this parody, she'll be able to make a killing as a psychologist in Khura'in by treating all of these kids once they realize that those bodies weren't mannequins like Inga told them.

 **JP:** it does seem as of Turnabout Time Traveler that Athena has replaced Apollo as the new office butt monkey seeing as how she is now the brunt of Trucy's increasingly alarmingly dangerous magic acts! I ship Apollo and Athena so she did join her 'love interest' in West Asia, that wouldn't be terrible in the least! It means Maya could become a paralegal and they could be partners in the new Wright & Co. Law Offices 2.0!

That being said if you need therapy, then I probably would be the first person on Athena's couch, because I tend to giggle like a mad scientist at pretty much everything my hilarious copilot does no matter how twisted! I'm glad to see we still entertain our wonderful readers over a year later! 😊

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** The reason you couldn't find an English version of the song is because there is no English version- even the in-game song is in Japanese. That's right; as if it wasn't disturbing enough that I wrote a parody of a song in which a bunch of children happily sing about brutally killing all adults, I wrote it by listening to the audio for several hours and using some translated lyrics as an outline.

As for Athena, she would have been charged with cleaning the toilets regardless due to the fact that Apollo's no longer there to do the job. The only difference is that now Athena will have to contend with Maya having the occasional flashback and adding to her workload.

 **JP:** It's really interesting you think Maya would be easier to distract as she is more distractible because she is usually out there and summa all over the place but at the same time I wonder if her focus is better than one might think simply because it would take a lot of focus concentration and effort to stand under freezing cold waterfall for 30,000, or was it 100,000 chants? As for how the PL vs. PW hypnosis works, I'm just going to call bullshit as the whole attempted logical cause for everything and the crossover ruined an otherwise fascinating storyline which could easily involve magic seeing as how they killed and resurrected for Layton's girlfriend with a time machine, and also had magical elements in the Azran Legacy! I think despite being an indestructible Wolverine, if Phoenix is completely unsuspecting of something, he can be blindsided like anybody else, and therefore hypnotized. Or maybe his brains were just weakened along with his poor back because he is hypnotized by a certain redheaded succubus all those years ago never fully recovered his senses? 😉

Regarding your story, it was an absolutely fascinating premise and I'm happy didn't go completely dark and turned the poor guy who's already gone to so much into Stevie wonder! I did leave you a review, which to be frank I did because I like you so much and appreciate you being a long time loyal reader as I generally stay away from any fanfics that I have anything to do with the royal family why despise holy with the exception of Dhurke and Rayfa!

Have you played the Danganronpa game series, milady? Considering its dark matter, I'm very curious about someone who's all about fluffy socks in her works thinks about it. 😊

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** While I will admit that this parody is one of the most disturbing things I've ever written, I wouldn't go as far as to say that it makes the idea of Armstrong wearing less clothes than normal actually desirable. Though speaking of disturbing, if the Joker saw half of the stuff that I had Ga'ran do to Inga in my fanfics, then he'd be screaming in terror like that time in "Batman: The Animated Series" when he learned that he owed money to the IRS. I know what you're thinking, but the Joker has every right to be afraid of the IRS; because the second you get on their bad side, they'll sink their claws into you and won't let you go until they have every cent and worldly possession you own and throw you into a cell at a federal prison. Why do think Bruce Wayne's so charitable? Sure, he faces down psychopaths and supervillains on a daily basis, but there's a good chance that he himself is terrified by the IRS, even though he'll never show it.  
When those corpses aren't used to film propaganda videos, Ga'ran has then seated upright in chairs by her bed because she's aroused by the idea of having an audience when she's "pleasuring" Inga. Sure, Ga'ran could always have her royal guards watch and cheer her on, but it would be the same. I mean, what better way to enjoy dominating your insignificant other than by being surrounded by the bodies of those who died trying to fight you and lost?  
Well, if you're ever curious about the "Danganronpa" series, or what my voice sounds like, I've uploaded blind playthroughs of all them to the CzarThwomp YouTube channel. Though as a warning, if you decide to check out my "Danganronpa" playthroughs, you'll see me react to certain characters in ways that will explain why I'm so fond of writing for Kristoph and Blaise.

 **JP:** regarding Danganronpa, I'm going to argue that the reason it hasn't am writing is because more so the swearing than the gore… Yes, there's a lot of blood but it's pink coloured therefore harder take seriously at least for me. That being said, it wasn't the violence that turned me off (I am terrible at memorizing Japanese names as none of them were English translated and would just refer to them in my mind as Kristoph because one of the characters had blonde hair and glasses and stuffy demeanor and another athletic character female as Robin, as well as and mentally dubbing them all Ace Attorney equivalent names whenever applicable) but the reason I couldn't quite get into the games after the first one was the games, and even the anime, literally just became too bleak and depressing, with no respite. It was like Lord of the Flies. If I want to see kids offing each other, I'll just re-watch the Hunger Games.

Yes, Ace Attorney can be dark too, but it's got moments of humor and light at the end of the tunnel, whereas this shizz is just pure darkness, which is another reason I couldn't get into the 999 games after the first one… That and things just got too ridiculous/I'm not into the whole dating-style gameplay.

Anywhore…

Well, pal, in defense of your gutter mind in this instance, I suppose that particularly memorable chapter of Miles' trauma in the TE chapter _The Miles High Club,_ where he was forced to see a picture of the jiggling creampuff and his groom wearing nothing but smiles certainly helped steer your mind's eye in that direction! :p

I have to say that as much as the sight of the phony Frenchman waggling with his mama gave him in the anime mondo disturbia, a part of me couldn't help but feel envious that he's got more junk in his trunk than I do! Also here's a hard one for you because I'm a horrible person… What would be more likely to be better dieting fuel… Seeing Jean Armstrong shaking his moneymaker, or Wendy Oldbag twerking in a bikini?

Did I just undo the humor from the last chapter and replace it with fresh trauma? _Gern Geschehen!_ 😉

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Regarding Rayfa, I don't believe that she was broken down just once. On the contrary, l believe that Ga'ran made Rayfa's home life a living hell when they were behind closed doors by constantly belittling her for her shortcomings. If you notice, Raya, much like Sebastian when he was first introduced, acts like she knows everything, even when it's obvious that she's completely in the dark and has to rely on Nayna-pedia. This, in addition to how devastated Rayfa gets whenever Phoenix finds flaws in her Divination Séances, could indicate that Rayfa did everything that she did in order to earn the love of her "mother". However, unlike Sebastian who was always one insult and/or mistake away from a complete mental breakdown, Rayfa was able to remain more emotionally stable thanks to Amara/Nayna and Inga.

Like I've said dozens of times, Inga may have been ruthless towards anyone who got in his way, but he legitimately loved Rayfa like she was his real daughter. If you notice, when Inga told Phoenix this fact in "Rite of Turnabout", he was brimming with pride. Inga was proud to see his daughter performing Divination Séances and felt that she was great at it. That's probably one of the reasons why Inga made it a point to confront Phoenix after "Foreign Turnabout". Sure, Inga wanted to threaten the attorney who disrupted the status quo, but he also wanted knock Phoenix down a peg after what he did to his little girl. That's why Rayfa was so certain that Inga was trying to use the Founder's Orb to give her spiritual powers (something that is validated due to his inability to remember faces)- he showed her the love and kindness that Ga'ran couldn't bother to give her. So, with that in mind, it's no wonder why Rayfa was so utterly devastated when she learned that her father was murdered.

On the topic of Justine, I think that Blaise would have been suspicious of her regardless of whether or not he knew that she was investigating him. After all, what kind of corrupt public official's going to let a judge who practically worships the law go unchecked? That's probably one of the reasons why Blaise chose Justine of all people to monitor Sebastian. Not only would Justine have a harder time thanks to Sebastian and his incompetency constantly slowing her down, but if she did make any leeway with him around, he would have blabbed any of her findings to Blaise like a canary. But even if Justine managed to uncover hard evidence linking Blaise to every one of his crimes, it would barely matter to him since he would merely create his own truths and dispose of her like a carton of spoiled milk. After all, remember how much Edgeworth struggled to take down Blaise despite the psychotic P.I.C. Chairman openly admitting to his crimes the previous day.

 **JP:** The fact that Franziska has changed her outlook and values to become a good person/better prosecutor and develop like Edgeworth did, yet still keeping her hard-edged personality and whip enthusiasm intact is one of the reasons she is so hard for me to write! You can't make her too soft or she's not believable, but you cannot write her as a total bitch either, because we all saw her soft side the from the second she openly wept in public at the airport in front of Miles, when he tried to tell her this was goodbye.

I can argue that Franny's soft side was brought out by her love for her 'little brother', (which I refuse to think is only sibling-like, considering she came from overseas to 'avenge' his alleged death both in the anime and video game), but she definitely showed signs of being human even before that. She was more kind than even Miles was to poor Kay when she lost her father. She was speaking comforting words in an almost maternal fashion to the grieving child, despite being only three years her senior, whereas Miles, is much I love him, was still a bit of an ass bucket back then and seemed more concerned about his cravat being used as a tissue!

About Blaise, it never made sense how something is glaringly obvious as a second bullet hole could be picked up by someone as rookie is Phoenix at the time but not by the crime scene investigators of Gregory's murder. That diabolical pyromaniac _had_ to have been doing some major burying of evidence when his buddy Manfred committed murder; something I'm sure he was well aware of! I feel this is been left for fans to realize for themselves, just like I'm sure they realized there was no way Kristoph didn't disguise himself or pay somebody to give Trucy that forged diary page, otherwise she surely would've recognized the sinister man always looking around Daddy's workplace over the years.

Poor Bassy is not the only person to blindly love a family member who doesn't deserve it. In the videogame they showed Mia in JFA being very hesitant to implicate Lady Macbeth as a possible culprit because The Hair was her aunt, and Maya was very reluctant to believe it as well. It was confirmed that the main and probably branch families of Kurian are at least distantly related to the Royals of Khura'in given the whole psychic powers thing as the tie that binds, but your comment about living in the past technology wise is interesting. I do think the West Asia country probably still had better technology than the village, because Rayfa seem to at least understand what the internet was when Phoenix dryly commented about her nanny being her 'pocket internet.' And it appeared that people had use of their cell phones while Maya's village literally had one single payphone in the whole town! My own head canon of course is since she became master, she has since updated things and installed cameras in the channeling chamber!

And of course, and we have darling Pearl, whose blind faith in her mother was the most tragic of all. Maybe Phoenix didn't do anybody any favors by keeping Pearl away from seeing Morgan's guilty verdict as he made her channel Mia for that reason. It makes me think that Pearl doesn't really understand that her mommy must've had to do something very bad to end up in jail… Morgan probably told her naïve daughter that it was all just one big mistake and she was framed or something. Therefore, she had no reason to think her mother would ever have any sinister motives that set up the horrible events in the final case of Trials and Tribulations.

I have given the creepy German sausage many names over the years… Prissy Krissy, Bitchtoff Gavin, the Periwinkle Piss Head, and my personal favourite (thanks CT!) the creepsicle dildo! XD

My nails are a train wreck too, which means we neither of us would score any brownie points with Prissy Krissy – the petty bitch that he is (definitely the worst motive in the series, and arguably even more than Manfred!), I get the feeling the fusty, uppity defense would look down on anybody who didn't give their personal hygiene as much fastidious care as he does… And I have always believed the reason the demonic defense was so big on making a name for himself is because his prodigy prosecutor baby brother was a world-renowned Rockstar, as well, at the tender age of 17.

So basically, deep-rooted sibling rivalry to the point of insanity and trying to one up his little bro was probably another factor in why he was so gung-ho in trying to get the Zak Gramarye case. It _had_ to be because of the prestige/fame more than money, because this was a man who was _already_ wealthy enough to afford 100 grand for a forgery! Yet another glaring hole in the entire stupid game about how Nick could have ever afforded that kind of money when he never had to nickels to rub together in a simple tracing his bank accounts would've confirmed his innocence in that respect, but I digress. I can save my not so latent scathing plot hole filling for TE! (Nick's character assassination in AJ was the reason I dedicated myself to that project in the first place!)

The demented clown probably helped lessen the blow of the dark age of the law by taking out the trash in his evil genius manner, and agreeably was an antihero of sorts in the sense that nobody shed any tears for the people that he screwed over. However, the reason I didn't like him had nothing to do with him pulling a fast one over the logic genius prosecutor, but the fact that he victimized poor Kay Faraday, who has already been through enough in her young life…she has done _nothing_ wrong! 😐


	73. You've Been Killed

_CT: When_ _ **TheFreelancerSeal**_ _first suggested this idea, several possible scenarios popped into my head- Manfred singing this after murdering Gregory, Kristoph singing this after bludgeoning Zak, Blaise singing it to celebrate a job well done as he buries the corpse of his late wife in a shallow grave off the side of the road... But then JP reminded me that Adrian was the one who discovered Juan's corpse in "Farewell, My Turnabout", and it was settled then and there that this would be the basis of this parody. After all, I find it a bit strange that Adrian didn't celebrate in the slightest upon discovering that one of the guys who she despised with every fiber of her being was dead. Though I have to say, it's a shame that Juan didn't bring his guitar to the hotel. Otherwise, I wouldn't have hesitated having Adrian frantically strumming it while singing her song, only to smash it on the ground upon finishing like some kind of rock star before cleaning up and getting rid of the pieces._

 _JP: Last song of the month - talk about going out with a bang!  
I loved this darker side exploration of Adrian, who is a fan fave, as it gives her more grit and makes her much more interesting than just as some wimpy co-dependent sort. Plus, it never occurred to me my mild-mannered pal who asked for the tune could have a darker side than Vader himself in asking for this unheard-of tune, or that my comic genius partner could make it so deliciously satisfying a scenario despite it being more twisted than a knotted rope in a cyclone! I mean, did __**anyone**_ _shed any tears over Corrida's death besides Oldbag?_

* * *

 _ **"You've Been Killed"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"You Are Dead" from  
the game **_**Total Distortion**_

"Mr. Edgeworth, do we really have to keep watching this video over and over again? You know I don't like seeing this kind of stuff." Gumshoe voiced with a pained expression on his face as he looked down at his superior's computer which was currently playing a video of Shelly de Killer strangling Juan Corrida with his own scarf, the maroon-cladded prosecutor sitting behind his desk while the scruffy detective stood behind the chair.

"I understand your discomfort, Gumshoe, I really do, but if we want to bring de Killer to justice, we need to have a solid grasp of his escape methods. And after what that monster subjected Wright, Maya, and Franziska to last month, that mission has become all the more important. So while it may be on the unsavory side, we must watch the footage that Engarde had taped thoroughly to see- and now he's gone." Edgeworth sighed with exasperation. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear that assassin isn't a man, but actually a phantom of sorts, what with how fast and seamless he operates. Well, time to rewind again." The maroon-cladded prosecutor stated with a shrug of his shoulders before attempting to restart the video, only to be stopped by an objection from his subordinate.

"C'mon, Mr. Edgeworth. We've been watching this video for three hours. Can't we take a little break?"

"Do you think that de Killer's taking a 'little break' as he stabs a dagger into his next victim's jugular?" Edgeworth angrily retorted as he slammed his palm on his desk to emphasize his point.

"But, Mr. Edgeworth, I-" Gumshoe tried to whine, flashing his best puppy dog eyes in an attempt to sway his superior, only to be immediately cut off.

"No buts, Gumshoe. We're going to watch this footage until we can come up with some kind of plan, and if I hear one more objection come out of your mouth, I'll suggest that we capture de Killer by hiring him to assassinate what's left of your-"

"Mr. Edgeworth! Someone's entering the room!" Gumshoe exclaimed, frantically pointing his meaty finger at the monitor as Adrian appeared on the camera.

"Yes, Gumshoe. That's Ms. Andrews," Edgeworth growled with his fists clenched. "She was the one who discovered the body, as well as the one who helped turn that case into the nightmare that it was."

"She really looks shaken up, Mr. Edgeworth," the scruffy detective noted as he watched the manager let out a shriek, accidentally breaking a nearby vase as she took an instinctive step back.

"Do you blame her? You'd act the same way if you suddenly realized that your cohort was just murdered. But what is she mumbling under her breath…?" The maroon-cladded prosecutor asked, increasing the volume on his computer so that he could understand what was being said.

"I can't believe it!" Adrian gasped. "That bastard's finally dead! Serves him right for what he did to Celeste!" The manager added with a snarl, only to take a deep breath and quickly regain her composure. "Calm down, Adrian. Celebrate later, act now. You only have one chance to take down Engarde, and you need to act fast. But _first_ …" she smirked, getting right in Juan's face before proceeding to sing a song that she seemed to have been practicing for quite some time.

* * *

You've been killed, killed, killed!

You've been killed, killed, killed!

Thought you were rad,

But no one'll be sad.

* * *

You've been killed, killed, killed!

Your life and fame were nothing but a bad fad.

* * *

You've been killed, killed, killed!

You're pale and there's no beat in your chest.

I'm glad you've been killed!

* * *

Serves you right for what you did to Celeste.

I'm glad you've been killed!

* * *

Good to know you'll start to decay.

You've been killed, killed, killed!

There's no doubt that this is a wonderful day!

* * *

You've been killed, killed, killed!

You're pale and there's no beat in your chest.

I'm glad you've been killed!

Serves you right for what you did to Celeste.

I'm glad you've been killed!

* * *

Aww, sweet that you died,

Just like your fiancé. And now you're in Hell.

You're damned,

Screwed!

How's it like being a corpse?

* * *

Ta-ta, you're garbage, you're toast,

You're waste.

I hope Celeste spits down on you from Heaven.

Adios, muchacho,

Toodaloo.

Good riddance.

* * *

After finishing her song, Adrian proceeded to tamper with the crime scene, at which point, Edgeworth paused the video. And for the next few seconds, the maroon-cladded prosecutor and his subordinate couldn't help but stare at the monitor with saucer-sized eyes.

"Mr. Edgeworth…?" Gumshoe asked in an unsettled tone.

"Yes, Gumshoe…?" Edgeworth responded in a similar manner.

"I don't think that de Killer's the most disturbing part of the video anymore. Can we go back to watching _him?"_

"My thoughts exactly, Detective." Edgeworth stated as he restarted the video, making sure to never let it play beyond the point of Shelly leaving the room.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Iris would probably file Dahlia under the Voldemort equivalent of she who must not be named after the incident in Bridge to the Turnabout, considering her baby sister and cousin have been traumatized enough by the demoness, and partially of her own doing. Music for Disney was very different and perhaps not as catchy during its early days of yore like it is now. However, the request was made by a good friend, and my partner and I mostly live to fulfil requests of our wonderful readers. About the enjoyment of this particular parody not being a grand slam with you – hey, what can I say? Not even Babe Ruth hit it out of the park in every single game; nevertheless, after all these years later, my dear reader, I'm just grateful that you still show up every time I'm at bat! 😊

 **CT:** Even though Pearl's now in the care of her sane cousin, don't forget that she was raised for eight years by a heartless, vindictive woman who even Dahlia, a girl who killed two people and put another in a coma, believes is cold and twisted. Heck, Morgan's so bad that Dahlia actually felt sorry for her baby sister. So, with that in mind, it would probably be strange for Pearl if lullabies weren't dark and didn't focus on wanting to kill your sibling.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Yeah Danganronpa and 999 are essentially slaughterhouses with more gratuitous swearing than I often know what to do with! Sure, I use in my works but usually only as character inner monologue, and I sure as hell don't have my characters F bomb every five seconds so… I'm with you there. To each their own, of course, and not trying to knock anyone that's into those games at all!

Unfortunately, unless I am posting a songfic or one of my semiannual/annual (TE/Void) story updates (GAH! Need to remedy that!) I barely have time to write anymore with all the changes in my life, never mind read. That being said, although it may take me awhile, I am happy to make concessions for works my friends and loyal readers, and I don't mind the odd reminder and reviewing back. It is the least I can do in return for people who have been such loyal readers of mine. And while I do prefer the reminders to be via PM, I know what yours is disabled, milady, but with all your years of being a kind, encouraging and loyal reader, I don't mind making the exception at all, so don't worry about it. 😊

I do love writing the Ace Attorney characters as a family, and have Iris and Pearl and Maya interacting in one another's lives as the others' much-loved long-lost sibling/cousin in my works. Therefore, it is adorable to think that if she didn't do time for too long for her murder cover-up/desecration of a corpse and was out a year later like Adrian Andrews was, Pearl still would've been young enough to enjoy some nighttime lullabies by big sister, although I really hope this would be one of them it's a bit too twisted!

It's funny, but I never actually did see this as a lullaby. I figure Iris was singing this to herself after the final chain of events that led to Dahlia locking her up in the sacred cavern, or even when she framed Phoenix for murder forcing the poor nun to have to give up her 'undercover work' with weenie Feenie. 😉

 **CT:** The way I see it, while Iris would be more than happy to spend time with her baby sister whenever she can, I don't think I could say the same for Pearl. Sure, Pearl would probably get along with her sister on account of them having similar personalities, but there's a chance that she would be distant and cold on account of feeling that Iris is only being nice to her in order to steal Phoenix away from Maya.

Though speaking of which, considering how Phoenix was when he and Iris were dating, I don't think that it would be a good idea to allow her to educate anyone- especially someone as impressionable as Pearl. Sure, Phoenix may have simply been like that from the start and Iris may have had nothing to do with it, but I don't think it would be wise for Maya to chance that happening with Pearl. I could just imagine it now- Pearl returning home from her day out with Iris and refusing to use the bathroom for an entire week on account of her believing that girls don't poop.

Arguably, what makes the killing aspect of the "Danganronpa" series even worse is the fact that the game gives you a few blocks of time before a murder occurs- known as free time- in which you can spend time with the surviving students, get to know them better, and earn points that you can use to purchase skills to aid you in the upcoming trial (or special skills if you can complete all of a character's free time events). So essentially, the game is trying to get you attached to these characters just to make it all the more painful when you see their bodies lying on the ground.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Despite being blander than a bowl of cold potatoes, Iris is semi angelic (to the point of needing to have _don't tread on me_ written on her back) compared to the succubitch, so I never really thought she would actually traumatize anybody on _purpose_ , especially not her dear baby sister who's already been through enough.

 **CT:** Considering that Iris has plenty of experience in regards to taking care of men-children, I think it's safe to say that the reason for her darker taste in lullabies is purely due to genetics. I mean, look at her mother. Heck, for all we know, Iris came up with these lyrics due to the lullabies that Morgan would sing her and Dahlia to sleep with pertaining to her hatred of Misty being buried within her subconscious.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** If I picture Satan as being the hilarious oversized, Saddam Hussein sympathizing, timid sort like he is in South Park, then I could definitely picture him bowing down to the succubitch pretty readily myself! I'm glad you enjoyed the Dahlia Belongs in Hell ode… These old-school songs had an almost indecipherable collaborative chorus, and I had to go through a few different sources to find the proper lyrics to parody! One of them even said during one of those chorus parts (sorry I don't know what they're saying!)

 _Gracias_ for the kind words _Señor Java_!

 **CT:** Why should Satan be concerned about losing his throne to Dahlia? After all, he's just keeping the seat warm until Blaise gets there and does to him what he did to Sebastian.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** About Oldbag being less disturbia than Jean...I'll agree with you there. The only harrowing image that could trump the latter's trump shaking is possibly Sal Manella oiling up himself in a Speedo then jumping on a trampoline… OK I'ma stop, mostly as I think I made myself queasy there… Blech!

Even the doormiest of door mats have don't tread on me varieties. Iris claimed she cooperated with her diabolical sibling because she felt sorry for her. However, it's one thing to be practicing sainthood by being so docile in the name of love ... but to pretend Dahlia isn't at _all_ loathsome? If the nun didn't even _remotely_ hate her twin after everything she had done, forget being a martyr – it'd be like she was aiming for _Jesus_ status!

I think my biggest complaint about Iris being duller than a rusty blade is the fact that, to a certain degree, she almost comes across as a Mary Sue – all sweet and helpful and pretty and meek. I think it's probably why I've never been partial towards her or Juniper. I mean, it's like you said – what is there to the shrine maiden's personality other than being naively loyal to an undeserving wretch of a sibling and pining over Feenie? The only other things we know about her is she knows how to knit (even if the final product is gaudy/emasculating AF but not more so than that horrible nickname she gave to a guy who normally has the coolest badass name ever!) and she makes a killer mini omelette? 😴

Yeah, I know I've have written her, to the point where I no longer mind the character, but I just can't get behind her and Phoenix...hence the Larris ship! 😊

 **CT:** Though even if Dahlia did somehow manage to seduce the Prince of Darkness and take over Hell, her rule would be very short-lived, lasting until Blaise gets down there and shoves her off his throne. Seriously, compared to the stuff that Blaise, Gant, Manfred, and even Kristoph have done, Dahlia's like a mosquito.

Though speaking of which, I could just picture the horrors that would arise in an alternate universe in which Dahlia's plan to send Iris to Hazakura Temple backfired and her father instead decided to abandon her instead, leaving her at the Happy Family Home where she would use her innocent persona to manipulate Roland and essentially rule the place. However, the really terrifying part of this alternate universe would come in the form of Blaise running into Dahlia during one of his visits to the orphanage in order to discuss the plan to assassinate Huang with Roland. Of course, Dahlia would try to put on her innocent sad girl act in order to get Blaise, this rich, powerful prosecutor, to give her some money or something of the sort, but Blaise, being the megalomaniacal psycho himself, would see right through her act the second she opened her mouth. However, that's not to say that Blaise would be upset with her. On the contrary, Blaise would probably see a bit of himself in the red-haired (or ebony-haired if Dahlia didn't start dying her hair at that point) girl and decide to adopt her in order to raise her to be a successor truly worthy of the Debeste name. At that point, Sebastian would "disappear" and Dahlia would receive the education needed in order to become a prosecutor, which she would probably complete by the time she's 20 on account of her ruthlessness and manipulative abilities which would be further enhance thanks to Blaise's guidance. So, suffice to say, in that universe, Phoenix, Edgeworth, and every protagonist character never even have a chance.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I do believe Inga is the only villain in the Ace Attorney series that even had a soft side, which is different from an Achilles' heel. Sure he's a murderous 30's gangster wannabe with an oily leer and matching hair, but thanks to my partner, I now believe he also had a share of suffering at the hands of his wife the bloodthirsty spider, including but not limited to the coerced sexual variety, so I suppose any humanity that was in him after such an ordeal is somewhat admirable although not in any way making him forgivable! That being said I was kinda bummed out his death was off screen in fact I wondered for the first little while if he was legitimately dead… He was one of those horrible villains that being a decent father notwithstanding, I would've loved to have seen in his last moments of clinging to life because he was so despicable in every other way! Yes, I'm a bloodthirsty wench, and no I am not sorry! How totally not Canadian of me!

Now you got me thinking about the villains… Neither Dahlia, the creepsicle dildo, Blaise nor Manfred had any soft spot whatsoever, and I don't think _swimming_ counts for Damon Gant, as that was more of a neurotic creep factor which gave his character the equivalent of having _**Jaws**_ music… But I digress. One could argue that Dogen, the other assassin from Miles 2, had a soft side when it came to Simon, although I'm not sure if that was a case of a killer having a bit of a protective side to him are more of a case of tit for tat saving one life since the boy saved his? And also, debatable if he counts as he wasn't the _main_ bad guy? _You_ decide!

Godot completely blindsided me in the third game by being the villain, and while I wouldn't say I was equally taken aback by Justine, although I generally dislike her for most of the game, her seeming sudden turnabout did catch me by surprise, what with her trying to get Miles fired the entire time!

She wasn't a villain though, more of a minor antagonist, because if she were, I would say her obvious soft spot was her son, just like Melsa had one for (protecting) his sister.

I heard a fan theory about Blaise. What if, after getting indicted, he requested Phoenix to defend him, but after Phoenix learned the whole truth about his dastardly deeds, he instead collaborates with Edgeworth to send Blaise to prison, so Blaise manipulated Kristoph, whose desire for revenge was already burning even hotter than Marvin's roids, to do some tricks to get Phoenix disbarred, perhaps even inspiring him for the whole forgery idea. Thoughts?

About the tragic Shakespearean level backstory of all the assistants, I still think Maya's was the worst/biggest tearjerker, and that she's suffered more than any other AA character in the series. What say you?

 **CT:** The way I see it, Inga's essentially like that one kid who's constantly abused at home and takes out their anger at school by bullying kids smaller than they are while acting all high and mighty in an attempt to fight their low self-esteem. Though now that I think about it, it's kind of funny how both Inga and Ga'ran's public and real personas were complete opposites of each other- Ga'ran came off as this kind, soft-spoken ruler without a single mean bone in her body, but is in all actuality a domineering bully who takes great pleasure in toying with her victims before ending their lives, whereas Inga gave off the impression of being this hardened, corrupt public official who fears nothing and feels no mercy, but is in all actuality a big softy who's easy to push around.

As for how Inga would react to Phoenix's "Asinine Attorney" case, I believe "blistering fury" would be an understatement. Sure, Inga would be pleased as punch to see Ga'ran usurped by Pearl, thereby allowing him to use his authority as Minister of Justice to finally get his revenge for all the years of physical, emotional, and (in my headcanon) sexual abuse that he has suffered over the years, but at the same time he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of his little girl having her birthright and purpose in life ripped away from her. So with that in mind, I could easily imagine Inga and Dhurke essentially switching places after the events of that "case", with the former becoming a rebel leader in order to restore his daughter's birthright and the latter doing everything in his power to maintain the new order. Though as previously stated, even if Inga did try to rebel against Pearl and her iron-fisted Phaya shipping rule, he wouldn't risk his position until after Ga'ran's skull has been turned into decorative chamber pot.

Funny you should bring up Blaise digging up Huang's remains, because I've always found it a bit strange that Justine freaks out about her adopted son being out on a film lot alone at night without telling anyone, but doesn't react in the slightest to the revelation that he was doing so while Blaise, this deranged, megalomaniacal public official who she knows butchers people like Sebastian with words, was watching him from inside a costume. And mind you, this revelation takes place after Justine learned that Blaise was aspiring to kidnap John in order to force her to acquit Roland. And for that matter, I also find it odd that Lang has barely anything to say about the man who singlehandedly ruined his family. Granted, Lang was preoccupied "Huang's" death, but you'd think that he would have at least referred to Blaise as a bastard like he did with Alba.

Actually, while the autopsy report was forged, the real reason why Manfred received his penalty was because he and Lacer forced Master to confess to the crime by threatening to arrest Katherine for it. However, if Manfred didn't have that autopsy report, then Gregory wouldn't have been backed into a corner and wouldn't have been forced to use his "secret weapon", a.k.a. the tape of Master's interrogation that he asked Badd to send him. But what makes the whole thing even more disturbing is that Blaise's reason for forging that autopsy report was solely to screw Manfred over in order to remind the "perfect" prosecutor who was really pulling the strings in the Prosecutor's Office- possibly after Manfred started encouraging prosecutors not to wear their badges on their lapels due to him viewing it as unfashionable. That's right, DL-6, as well as the Fey family's fall from grace and the crimes that resulted from it, could have very well have been caused by Blaise feeling insulted that Manfred called his attire unfashionable.


	74. Daddy Issues Month Take 2 Redo x 2!

_JP:_ _Welcome to a new month, where, before we get into Daddy issues – er Father's Day festivities, we decide to do a switch-er-roo, re-do! CT and I took a song the other had already done, and decided to put our own spin on it._

 _Yeah we all known Gummy has sworn lifelong fealty to Miles to the point of almost being interpreted as Smithers/Burns level of sycophant/slavery, but I still think after his first salary cut, in the first game at least, he may have been grumbling a bit about his plight of being forced to live off a heart unhappy, high sodium diet – not even Eldoon level, or even name brand instant noodles, but the no-name, $0.25 variety…hence his ode to Ramen! This is my take 2 on CT's_ _ **"Man-nay, Man-ay, The Pool's The Place To Be"**_ _from chapter 58._

 _CT:_ _A_ _s you'll see with JP's hilarious parody about Gumshoe's instant noodle plight, we can finally have closure on whether ChloboShoka was referring to "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me" or "Heigh-Ho" with their suggestion._

 _Though now that I think about it, how Gumshoe hasn't died from hypertension at this point is beyond me. Actually, scratch that. Considering the fact that Gumshoe actually tried to eat the magatama (at least, it's stated that he tried to if Edgeworth presents it to him), I think it's safe to say that he only eats one meal a day, if that. Heck, in that very same case, you can get some dialogue with Edgeworth- I believe that it's triggered if you present Gumshoe's profile- in which Gumshoe actually started crying tears of joy when the maroon-cladded prosecutor took him out for spaghetti with parmesan cheese._

* * *

" _ **Ramen, Ramen (It's All I Can Afford!)"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"Heigh-ho" from Disney's  
** _ **Snow White and the Seven Dwarves**_

These bigwig big prigs leave this poor dick broke  
And always screwed

* * *

No figs, no jigs, no big shindigs for poor ol' Dick Gumshoe!  
How can this Dick make wallet thick  
When working for two stingy pricks

* * *

I won't whine! I won't whine! I won't whine! I won't whine!  
Cheap eats while fighting crime!

* * *

I will not ever get a raise without causing a fight  
I've gotten every pay cut there can ever be in sight

* * *

I'm working for a grumpy bore  
The Wild Mare whips me till I'm sore  
I wonder what I'm staying for?  
Rough life for flatfoot pig

* * *

[CHORUS STARTS]

Ramen!  
 _(Ramen!)_

Ramen!  
 _(Ramen!)  
_  
Ramen!  
 _(Ramen!)_

Ramen!

Ramen!

It's all I can afford

Ramen! Ramen!  
Ramen! Ramen!  
Ramen!  
It's all I can afford

Ramen!  
 _(Ramen!)_

* * *

[REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE]

* * *

 _CT:_ _I know that JP has already nailed a "Dancing Queen" parody in the form of "Burger Queen" back in Chapter 69, but after reading my reply to the review that Joeclone left for that chapter in which I pondered the possibility of what a "Dancing Queen" parody featuring Angel Star, a.k.a. the Cough-up Queen, would be like, my wonderful co-writer felt that it would be a wonderful idea to make that concept a reality. That's why for this double feature chapter, we've decided to really mix things up by each of us doing our own version of a parody already uploaded here that the other has written._ _Though what makes things even more interesting is that at the time of writing this A/N, I don't know which of my parodies JP is going to be covering. But regardless of which one my wonderful co-writer decides to tackle; I know she'll do a great job as always!_

 _JP: My hilarious co-pilot re-did a side-splitting Dancing Queen parody,_ _ **"Cough-Up Queen"**_ _starring who else? Angel Star. Made me want to jive my heinie off! My version,_ _ **"Jailbird Queen"**_ _if you want to compare, was on chapter 69! ;)_

* * *

" _ **Cough Up Queen"**_  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"Dancing Queen"  
from the musical **_**Mamma Mia!**_

It was the first day of Lana's trial and Edgeworth was determined to prove without a shadow of a doubt that she murdered the victim, Detective Bruce Goodman- not because he strongly felt that she was guilty, nor a desire to restore his win record, but because the Chief Prosecutor made it personal the second she decided to commit the crime in the trunk of his car with his knife. As if the lowly gossips at the precinct and Prosecutor's Office didn't have enough fuel stoking their flames, now they were probably going to go around spreading lies that he was somehow the mastermind behind this whole thing. And to make things worse, his car would most likely be impounded and he'd be down one Portia. Though even if the car wasn't impounded, the maroon-cladded prosecutor would still have to spend an arm and a leg cleaning the blood out of his trunk.

Though thankfully for Edgeworth, luck was on his side in the form of his first witness being none other than Angel Starr, a renowned ex-detective whose skills were matched only by her promiscuity. Sure, Phoenix may have had some lucky breaks in the past thanks to Gumshoe's incompetency and big mouth, but today was going to be much different.

At least, that's what Edgeworth thought until he saw his star witness handing out lunchboxes instead of stating her name and occupation.

"Ah, and you, sir… Did you order 'The Fingerprint' lunchbox?" Angel asked with a warm smile, obviously taking pleasure in irritating the Demon Prosecutor.

"It is too early for lunch. Your name and profession, please." Edgeworth curtly requested with crossed arms.

"I can do better than that, Mr. Edgeworth. Boyfriend #9,001, would you be so kind as to start up my music?" Angel chirped, prompting a bailiff standing near the Judge's bench to pick up a boombox near his feet, turn it on, and hold it above his head as it started to play a karaoke remix of ABBA's " _Dancing Queen."_

* * *

 _ **{Angel}**_

Oooh,

She can't lie,

She can't hide,

Behind her power and pride!

* * *

Ooh,

'Cause now I'm here,

Saw the scene,

I am the Cough-up Queen!

* * *

I witnessed the crime from afar,

Done near that gaudy, foul pink car-

* * *

"Objection!" Edgeworth angrily shouted as he slammed his fist hard on the prosecutor's bench. "My car is clearly red, not pink! And furthermore, will the witness please state her name and- OW!" The Demon Prosecutor yelled out, nearly knocked off his feet by a deceptively heavy lunchbox being thrown at his head, courtesy of the Cough-up Queen as she continued her song.

* * *

 _ **{Angel}**_

She was a leopard woman,

Savoring her kill,

Getting high off of the thrill.

* * *

But that was her biggest mistake,

'Cause the Cough-up Queen takes no breaks,

* * *

So I gave her a few scrapes,

And made the world right.

She may have power and clout,

But I have my boyfriends…!

* * *

"Come, my boyfriends, sing for your Cough-up Queen!" Angel purred with a sultry grin, prompting half of the men in the gallery to stand up and start singing.

* * *

 **{Boyfriend Chorus}**

She is our Cough-up Queen,

Fierce, yet fun,

Only thir- er, 21!

* * *

Cough-up Queen,

No one can top your looks or cuisine!

Oh yeah!

Skye can't lie,

Skye can't hide,

Behind her power and pride!

* * *

Ooh,

'Cause now you're here,

Saw the scene,

You are our Cough-up Queen!

* * *

 _ **{Angel}**_

I'm a tease,

I turn the boys on,

Leave them wanting more when I'm gone.

Searching for a new boyfriend,

I'm good with anyone.

* * *

"Well, almost anyone…" Angle bitterly added, casting a brief glare at Edgeworth with her demon eye before returning to her bubbly persona.

* * *

So, if you think you're the guy,

Then help me take down Skye!

The rest of the men in the gallery proceeded to join the others in the chorus.

* * *

 **{Boyfriend Chorus}**

She is our Cough-up Queen,

Fierce, yet fun,

Only thir- er, 21!

* * *

Cough-up Queen,

No one can top your looks or cuisine!

Oh yeah!

* * *

Skye can't lie,

Skye can't hide,

Behind her power and pride!

* * *

Ooh,

'Cause now you're here,

Saw the scene,

You are our Cough-up Queen!

* * *

 _ **{Angel}**_

Beware the Cough-up Queen!

* * *

"Name. Profession. Now." Edgeworth growled as he slammed his palm on the prosecutor's bench.

 _I swear, first White, then my geriatric stalker- who, by the way won't stop sending flowers and 'Steel Samurai' merchandise to my office- then that hellion Cody Hackins, and now THIS…!? Is it too much to ask for witnesses to simply just state their names and professions? What did I do to deserve this constant torment?_

"The name is Angel Star. Don't go forgetting it." Angel tittered.

 _That's right, little man, squirm. Squirm like the disgusting, lowly worm that you are! You deserve every second of this for what you and the Ice Queen of the Prosecutor's Office did to me!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading! Also, glad to know you guys loved the last song, despite deeming Adrian's actions to be colder than dirty Yeti junk!_

 **Chapter 73**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Because it's hilarious, that's why. Call me twisted and sadistic, but I can't help but laugh like a madman whenever Edgeworth is in distress. I think it has something to do with a combination of Edgeworth's priceless facial expressions and remarks that contain the perfect amount of terror and wit.

 **JP:** mad kudos to you, milady for the sophisticated opera term! About Gumshoe and Edgeworth… Well they do say that friends who suffer together stay together! I'm figuring that harrowing experience alone got them well into their golden years!

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Compared to my headcanon of Adrian, this parody was actually pretty tame. In my headcanon, after the events of "Farewell, My Turnabout", Adrian decided to shift her borderline psychotic obsession of Celeste over to Franziska and started stalking the whip-happy prosecutor with a zeal that would easily put Oldbag to shame. Though before anyone gets the wrong idea, it's not stalking in the romantic sense, but more like that one really obsessive best friend that can't comprehend the concept of personal space and hates it when you associate with anyone else.

For example, this is how I see Adrian's apartment: a one bedroom, one bathroom flat where every wall is painted the same color as Franziska's hair and is covered with pictures of the whip-happy prosecutor. In the kitchen, the fridge and cabinets are filled with foods that Franziska has stated she likes to eat when interviewed on the matter. The bedroom ceiling has a large fresco of Franziska's smug face so that way the first thing that Adrian sees when she wakes up in the morning and the last, she sees when she goes to sleep at night is her bestie. In the living room, the television is always set to a news station from the latest country that Franziska is prosecuting in the event that there's an interview and on the end table, in a bulletproof glass case, is a phone that will only ring if Franziska calls it from her home, office, or cellphone.

And mind you, that's just Adrian's apartment. If I listed the disturbing stuff that I picture Adrian doing outside of her home, we'd be here for at least a few hours.

 **JP:** While the concept of Adrian bursting into song before proceeding to mutilate a corpse seems colder than a polar bear's ice hole, that really couldn't have happened to a nicer guy! Hee!  
As for getting on her bad side… Agreeably it would be best to stay far away from it since apparently, she has since befriended Franziska who has been teaching her how to use that whip!

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** I hope you're feeling better. Even though I've never had to deal with wisdom teeth pain myself, I hear that it's quite the miserable experience and hope that you're doing alright.

 **JP:** wisdom teeth! Ouch! Hopefully you are back in top form by the time you read this, dear reader! Although if you were feeling weird not because of the numbing in your mouth, but because the concept of busting into aria over the corpse of the man who you were hate f*cking for the sake of avenging your dead mentor was colder than an Alaskian well digger's hind end in January, then don't worry! I'm Wright there with you! Payneful indeed!

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** If Adrian had that tape, she would be getting comfy on her couch in her favorite pajamas with a big bowl of popcorn, making a movie night of watching the tape on repeat with a huge grin on her face.

 **JP:** Adrian was filled with so much disgust and hatred towards Matt and Juan for what they did to Celeste that I'm pretty sure a snuff film would have been prime bean flicking material for her indeed! And although it would have been understandable and even as justifiable in a twisted sort of way, as for disturbing mutilation of a corpse, the sane part of me will concede that the whole thing is colder than Dahlia Hawthorne's brass bra on the shady side of the iceberg!

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** As much as I love the idea of Blaise kick-starting the second trilogy, there are a few glaring holes in that theory. For one thing, considering that Phoenix is the guy who took down both Manfred and Gant within the span of two months, I don't think that it would be out of the question for Blaise to keep a watch on him to make sure that he doesn't get the urge to take down another legal powerhouse. So with that in mind, Blaise would know about Phoenix being a good friend of Edgeworth's, as well as the fact that he will only defend a client if they are completely innocent and will quickly turn on them if the contrary is proven true, and therefore wouldn't even think about wasting his time on the spiky-haired attorney. Plus, considering that Blaise has connections to the BAR Association thanks to his time as P.I.C. Chairman, as stated by Justine when she threatened to have Ray's badge taken away after one of his attempts to get a hug from her, he wouldn't need to rely on just one of their members when he could just simply pull a few strings so that they all "uncover" some dirt on Phoenix and have him disbarred.

Second, even if Blaise couldn't utilize the BAR Association as a whole, I honestly can't picture Kristoph working with him. For one thing, Kristoph originally had that diary page forged so that he could use it against Klavier while defending Zak and only decided to use it against his arch enemy after losing his client. So, with that in mind, it's highly unlikely that Blaise influenced that plan and/or could have anticipated that Zak would fire an attorney over a simple game of poker. Not to mention, Kristoph has achieved that special kind of crazy that can only be attained by working alone and having no social interactions outside those of close family, clients, and stalking victims.

Though if it makes you feel any better, considering how similar Blaise and Ga'ran are in regards to both personality and parenting, there's a slight chance that he could have traveled to Khura'in to sow some wild demonic oats and that she's his illegitimate child; which, in turn, would make it where Blaise indirectly made Apollo an orphan and brought on a defense attorney genocide. I know that it sounds like a crazy theory, but it's not out of the question when you remember that Ga'ran was born when Blaise was 34 (which would make more sense than his son being born when he was 51) and that the latter has absolutely no morality whatsoever.

In regards to Maya being kidnapped by Inga, considering she was able to get burgers and even a television by simply acting like a brat, I don't think she was that perturbed by that experience… well, with the obvious exception of a guy being murdered before her eyes.

Though speaking of which, I have a general idea of what Inga's final moments were like which I was originally going to include in "The Imperial Daddy", but didn't due to not finding a good place for them. The way I see it, they went as follows: Inga was in Amara's Tomb, feeling relatively good about himself as he waited for Dhurke to return with the Founder's Orb on account of his plan to imbue Rayfa with the spiritual power needed to overthrow Ga'ran nearing completion, which he felt was a good time to celebrate with some grape juice. However, despite his joy, Inga still had to deal with the riots that resulted from the outrage caused by the DC Act forcing a head priest to resort to suicide to protect his wife and unborn child, as well as how he had a member of the secret police pose as a sacred Khura'inese figure. That's why Inga was talking on his cellphone- he was getting a status report from the officer in charge of quelling the unrest in the Bazaar. However, Inga being Inga, he couldn't pass up the chance to make several insults about Ga'ran while questioning how the Holy Mother could produce such a fat, ugly, grating abomination of a woman and how he would make sure to tell Her Holiness that she owes him big time for all the abuse that he's suffered at the hands of her descendants when she's channeled. Though unfortunately for Inga, he didn't realize that Ga'ran was watching him, and upon hearing his insults, decided to stab that knife into him extra hard. And while Inga may have not been able to recognize Ga'ran's face at the time, he knew fully well that she would be the only person capable of killing him in such an underhanded way during his moment of glory.

 **JP:** I would like to think that the reason Inga could not have killed Maya is because she would've channeled Mohammed Ali or Bruce Lee and just kicked his ass… I refuse to give him any more character redeeming points aside from the fact that he adored an adorable but petulant Princess like his own daughter. That being said, I do believe he would've loved Rayfa more than Manfred loved Franziska. I think Nosferatu just saw his offspring as an extension of himself and therefore his already overly inflated ego, and while it's great that he installed ambition into both Franziska and Miles, I also feel like he used that as a weapon to pit them against each other's they would never really be allies. Franziska always felt like she fell short compared to Manfred's ward and left behind, and based on what I saw in the Miles games, she was still yearning for her father's approval only to be dismissed when asked if he would be there when her day to shine court came. Freaking fart knocker! Yeah, I know Shelly De killer is ruthless but my brain just won't let me see him as hard-core evil – more like neutral evil. Maybe it's because we've never seen him go after anyone who didn't deserve it in some way in the games, whereas his counterpart Dogen killed an innocent man who was only trying to meet his son.

Sure, the blind assassin had some humanity since he bonded with the little orphaned boy, but keep in mind that he was only doing a tit for tat since Simon saved his life first and not something out of pure benevolence in saving his life right back. If anything, Shelley being noble enough to stand aside when the two of them squared off in Miles 2 like he did only made me like him more because he didn't have to do that and could have killed Simon anyway!

For the record, I will never get tired of singing my his praises any more than my hilarious partner does in singing the praises of Blaise Debeste being DeWorste in every aspect as far as villains go in the series since as you said pretty much everything bad that happened to most of the Ace Attorney cast aka DL-6 and its aftermath happened because of the fact that he is a pyromaniac/megalomaniac aka an ego with feet!

As much as I grew fond of Rayfa at the end of Spirit of Justice, Pearl is a prodigy with her spiritual powers since she can actually do spirit channeling and is so much sweeter therefore would have been a better Queen, I would have been rooting for that to happen!

Adrian Andrews slept with the guy she despised who was the unwitting killer of her beloved mentor/sister based on the anime (the latter which I liked better but I digress) for the pure sake of revenge being a dish best served cold, and for the exact same motive, stabbed a dead body…yikes! That's colder than a banker's heart on foreclosure day at the widows' and orphans' home! That being said, one totally had it coming, the goddamn c*ck sneeze!

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** When it came to Engarde and Corrida's relationship, it was essentially a rivalry taken too far with both guys trying to outdo each other in everything- awards, women, being the biggest prick on the planet, etc. Sure, Corrida didn't go as far as Engarde in hiring an assassin, but he's far from being a saint. For one thing, he broke off his engagement with a nice woman who legitimately loved him simply because he couldn't stand the thought of marrying his rival's sloppy seconds. And if that wasn't bad enough, instead of feeling mortified and/or guilty at the sight of his ex-fiancé and manager hanging in front of him like a morbid chandelier, Corrida decided to forge a suicide note and then keep it hidden for the sole reason of using it to utterly destroy Engarde's career. So, in a sense, it could be argued that Corrida is actually a bigger douchebag than Engarde. The only redeeming thing about Corrida is that he died before we could see how big a jerk he was in person.

 **JP:** I'm not going to lie – I took one look at this request and immediately after a few minutes of contemplation about how I could do it realized that I don't have enough of the dark side in me to have done the song justice! Therefore, I'm so happy that CT balances me out with his work the way he does and that you were pleased with the request my friend!

As far as I'm concerned Matt Engarde was a dead man walking at the end of that game. They're pretty rootless with giving the death penalty, and even if he had somehow only managed to get life imprisonment, Shelly De killer remains at large, and is able to fool even a genius like Miles Edgeworth by standing right in front of his face and not being recognized I'm pretty sure he managed to get into the prison somehow and take care of that lingering loose end!

By the way I am delighted that my OC Mildew inspired enough ire in you to picture an actual song heralding her death… Although let's be honest even the most strapping strong Russian men have been unable to survive "Suburbia" as Maya so cheekily called it, so I'm pretty sure that brittle bag of bones gackle was Siberian tiger bait the minute she was shoved out of that airplane!

The idea of Adrian Andrews playing Juan's swansong on his own guitar is colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon. I LURVE it!


	75. I'll Make You Proud To Be My Daughter

_JP: For my good friend,_ _ **TheFreelancerSeal.**_ _Also thank you,_ _ **Muhammad Sban**_ _, for reminding me we are in the official AJ game AA timeline now, so this June 16, 2019 marks newly crowned DILF Nick and Trucy's first Father's Day together! Let the daddy/parental issues themed tunes commence, henceforth!_ 😊

 _CT: Once again, my wonderful cowriter has brought us another gem of a parody involving one of everyone's favorite father/daughter relationships in the series. Though what makes this one better than all of the others is that it celebrates the first Father's Day in which Trucy has a dad who actually loves her and is there for her, and not some poker-obsessed jerk who abandoned his daughter without a second thought- an act, by the way, that he actually had her help him with- and is almost as bad as Kristoph when it comes to revenge. Sure, Kristoph is a psychotic prick who ruined a Phoenix's career over a game of poker and then proceeded to befriend and stalk the man for ten years, but at least he didn't try to ruin the poker shark's life any further. But Zak, on the other hand, decided to employ some multi-tasking by signing over the rights to Magnifi's tricks to Trucy before trying to ruin Phoenix's new career.  
You know, after all these years, I still can't believe that Zak had the gall to pretend that he loved Trucy, only for him to try to ruin Phoenix's poker career in a way not all that different from how Kristoph ruined the man's attorney career, and by extension, jeopardizing his daughter's wellbeing. And for what reason? Zak's galaxy-sized ego was wounded after losing a poker game to a man that he challenged. And people say that Kristoph was petty... You know, many fans view Retinz as the evilest Gramarye, but at least with him, he was completely aware that he was a jerk and wasn't afraid to hide it. He didn't try to hide it behind this mask of joviality, only to assault people with grape juice bottles!_

* * *

 _ **I'll Make You Proud To Be My Daughter**_ **  
Sung to the tune of  
"Candle On The Water"  
from Disney's **_**Pete's Dragon**_

It was his nightly ritual, long after he'd tucked her in, to peer in through the crack of the sleeping Trucy's bedroom door, prior to hitting the hay himself. That sight alone was enough to make Phoenix realize deciding to adopt Trucy had unquestionably been the right decision.

 _I need to stop torturing myself about what's happened to me. For Trucy's sake, I need to believe that I am worthy of escaping this hurricane of thoughts, the positive and the negative analysis of the actions and words of others. I am worthy of love and a better life, I know am. So instead of wondering why all this had to happen to me, I'll try not to dwell on what's happened, and focus on this little moppet who depends on me._

There was just something strangely soul-soothing about seeing the peaceful expression on his little ward's sleeping face, in light of the devastating event that had occurred nearly two months ago, and turned his world upside down.

His own father, Roc Gryphon Wright, had always encouraged his only child to always buck up and be strong, in the face of any adversity. The memory of those loving words of guidance now flashed through his mind.

" _It is not easy to live life sometimes, son," the late physician had advised his son. "To face the world with a smile when you're crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself, hold on to that strength and know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. But if you can just hold on long enough to see this through and trust that you can survive this; you'll come out a new person, stronger and as long as you don't give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem, you_ _ **will**_ _make it."_

Phoenix was filled with fresh resolve as he regarded the slumbering form of the pint-sized magician, who'd been a soothing balm for his wounded heart and battered mind.

 _The most profound thing we can offer our children is our own healing. For you, Truce, I will try to lick my own wounds, and be strong. Come to me in your summer time, when our laughter is as the daisies in the grass. Come to me in your winter time, when you feel as if ice freezes your heart and blood. I'll be your shelter, your guardian, your forever home... always with an open door, the key always in your pocket, and a love that is always yours._ _From this day on, I'll make my escape plan from my negative, self-destructive thoughts through the green leaves and under open skies on this path of anticipation about where this newfound journey of fatherhood will take me. I'll make sure to_ _be a man who you'll take pride in having as a father…_

* * *

I'll make you proud to be my daughter  
Newfound dad role I'll never spurn  
Your spirits need uplifting  
But the tides are shifting  
I'm safe to trust, as you've grown to learn

* * *

I'll make you proud to be my daughter  
In this bleak life you are my light  
As you grow up, I'll guide you  
Always be beside you  
Give my Trucy a bedtime kiss each night

* * *

For all the times you've cried and felt blue  
I'll move heaven and earth so you won't frown  
Happy new memories now await you  
I'll always be there  
Know how much I care

* * *

I'll make you proud to be my daughter  
You mean more than you'll ever know  
This bond I'll nay forsake it  
Here's my hand so take it  
My baby girl, here's what you should know  
As far as blood oaths go  
My love will only grow  
My love will only grow  
My love will only grow...

* * *

The next morning, he was sipping his coffee at the breakfast table when his daughter bounced into the room, all rainbows and sunshine, as usual.

"Good morning, Daddy!"

"Good morning, Truce. Did you sleep well?"

"I sure did! I had the _nicest_ dream!" There was an impish twinkle in her eye. "I dreamt of that pretty song from that Disney movie we watched last night after dinner. But in my dream, a man was singing it instead of a lady. And instead of singing about being a candle on the water, he was singing about how he wanted me to be proud to be his daughter."

Phoenix nearly did a spit-take of the scalding brew, his cup landing onto the table in a heavy clunk as he goggled the child, who was now sporting a mischievous grin.

"You – you _heard_ me?" He gasped, his eyes the size of golf balls. "I had no idea! I thought you were asleep!"

"Nope!" She shook her head, blue orbs dancing. "I only pretended to be asleep, because I was scared that if you knew I was awake, you'd stop singing, and I didn't want that, since you have such a beautiful voice, Daddy! And I want you to know that I'm _already_ so proud to be your daughter."

As he reeled back in astonishment from this unexpected confession, she beamed at him mysteriously.

"And to _prove_ it, I wanted to show something I've been working on this past month – _TA-DA_!"

With a flourish, she raised the corner of her cape and spun around in a tiny pink blur several times, and when she whirled around to face him again, her pink ensemble was gone, replaced by a new top hat and cloak – in blue.

The astounding symbolism of the costume simultaneously took his breath away, and filled his heart with so much love and pride, he thought it would surely burst.

 _Blue_. The very color Phoenix used to wear in the courtroom, when he'd been the blue defense attorney known as the Turnabout King. Even though the badge had been stripped away, the symbolism she'd tied to it obviously hadn't. Trucy clearly, without a word, and even before the official adoption papers had come in, had just demonstrated how her new life, her new _identity,_ would no longer be as Trucy Enigmar, but Trucy _Wright_.

Because she really wanted the whole world to know she was now the daughter of _Phoenix Wright._

"Trucy…" He felt a lump forming in his throat. "I – I don't know what to say…"

He felt a prickling sensation behind his eyes, but refused to give into the dam of tears threatening to consume him. Even if it was from happiness, he would _not_ let himself cry in front of this precious darling. A man had to have _some_ dignity, after all!

"You don't need to say anything, Daddy. But I hope it made you happy! Oh! I made you a card, too!"

Trucy reached into her cape and pulled out a colorful folded sheet of construction paper, which had an adorable, hand drawn image of a father and daughter wearing magician hats inside of a heart on the front.

"After you sang that song last night, I decided to write you a special poem, to show you how much you mean to me."

Her expression was bashful as she passed Phoenix the card and he began to read what was written inside. As he did so, he could feel the stinging sensation behind his lids begin to grow.

* * *

 ** _I want you to let me grow up,  
But at the same time I want you to still see me as your little buttercup.  
I want you to give me some room,  
But at the same time I want you to always be there in the doom.  
I want you to hold me on stormy days,  
When lightning strikes and outside it's a daze.  
I want you to trust me, with your full heart.  
Even when I mess up, still trust every part.  
I want you to hold my hand,  
Silently be there without demand.  
I want you to teach me by your walk,  
Not just by the words that you talk.  
I want you to guide me when I am lost,  
To always show up without a cost.  
I want you to love me, each and every day,  
And every night I will fall to me knees and pray.  
Thanking the Lord above for blessing me with,  
A wonderful Daddy who, badge or no badge, is definitely no myth._**

* * *

His throat was now aching from the unshed tears of emotion.

 _Thanking the Lord_. That's what she'd written.

It was but for the grace of God that his eyes had somehow remained dry until now.

 _She_ was grateful for _him_ , the disgraced man of infamous forging acclaim and tarnished reputation. Somehow, through all the darkness that surrounded him, this little angel had been sent to him; the sole beacon of light in his otherwise bleak existence.

 _With what little means I have, I am reinforcing my solemn vow to do my best to be there for her, shelter her, comfort her. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe from harm, but I cannot protect her forever. I can only be there when she falls and stand well back while she reaches for the stars._

Before he could even show reaction to the poignant verse, the little magician, with typical childlike exuberance, was already brandishing another item, which she magically seemed to have plucked out of thin air.

"I got you a _real_ present, too." Standing there with arms akimbo, she flashed her trademark winsome grin. "After all, this is our first Father's Day together!"

"You didn't have to do that!" He protested. "You shouldn't be spending your hard-earned money from The Wonder Bar on me!"

"Well, it didn't really cost anything, since I used a lot of money buying the material to make my new costume," she admitted sheepishly, then smiled shyly as she placed the soft object in his hand. "So, don't worry, it's not something I _bought_ in a store, Daddy. It's something I _made_ , but I still hope you like it."

Phoenix picked up the knitted aquamarine cap and turned it in the light to see the large yellow lettering which read _Papa_ , all the better. As he did so Trucy's eyes followed her father's movements, studying his facial micro-expressions. He knew not to be too quick to praise, or else his daughter might suspect it was insincere if he did so, but too long, and her little heart would fall into her magician boots. He let his face flood with a genuine, joyful smile, and at the rare sighting of her guardian's lit up visage, Trucy clapped her tiny hands and bounced on her toes.

"I _love_ it," he assured her, clearing throat so his voice wouldn't break. "Thank you, Trucy. I'm very proud to be your Papa. I'll _never_ take it off, I promise."

As he smiled indulgently and pulled on the crowning glory which completed his recently acquired, hobo chic ensemble, her earnest cerulean eyes now regarded him with a solemn expression that was far too serious for any 8-year-old to ever have.

"I know it's my fault you lost your badge, Daddy. I understand this costume and your beanie can't make up for that. But I also realize how you must feel so lonely sometimes, since Uncle Miles is working overseas and Miss Maya is away training. I wanted us to _both_ have hats now, to show that we're now an _official_ team and so you would know that you at least have _me_ by your side, forever and ever!"

"At _least_?" He croaked, reaching out and pulling her into a bear hug so tight, he almost worried he would crush her tiny frame. "Baby girl, if I held my badge, even this _world_ in one hand and you in the other, without hesitation, I'd take _you_. I know not everything I do makes it look that way, but life can get pretty complicated pretty quick. You are my own child, and though I loved the law, and being an attorney, with every fibre of my being, _you_ mean more."

"I'm so happy you don't hate me for giving you that forged page, Daddy," Trucy whispered tearily as she buried her head in his chest. "Hearing you sing that song last night meant so much to me – because sometimes, you're so quiet and look so sad, it's hard for me to know what you're feeling."

"I'm sorry that I've been bringing my work poker face home to you, Truce. Let me tell you right now what I'm feeling, so you never have reason to ever doubt what's in my heart, ever again."

He drew back slightly and gently stroked her cherubic face.

"Know that being my daughter _means_ something. It means I will protect you to the very last vestige of my power. I will stand before you should danger come your way, beside you as you find your footing, and only behind when you are grown up and ready to leave the nest. I won't _ever_ leave you. _Never_."

His cadence was filled with tenderness as he continued.

"I hope you won't ever feel you have to earn a place in my heart, to prove yourself worthy. You never will. Although I wasn't there the moment you were born, there was no mistaking the divine spark that is your soul kindle within your eyes. Whatever challenges come your way, I know the real you, the one inside; the one that is _my daughter_. That's what you are to me, and always will be. Together, we'll be as close as law and love can make us."

Trucy let out a delighted squeal as she lurched herself into his arms again.

"That's right – because we're _Team_ _Wright_!" She chirped, looking up adoringly into his face before planting a kiss on his stubbled cheek. "It's you and me against the world, Daddy! I love you 3000!"

"I love you too, baby girl." He drew her back in for another hug, uncaring about the stray droplet that fell down onto her cape. Dignity be damned! "Though these bones will age, Trucy Hecate Wright, my love is everlasting."

 _JP: Few things make me happier than Wrighting Nick in DILF mode! Happy Father's Day, y'all!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading! Also, glad to know you guys loved the last song, despite deeming Adrian's actions to be colder than dirty Yeti junk!_ 😛

 **Chapter 74**

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Like furniture... Reminds me of that infamous scene from the movie _Bruno_... 😛

 **CT:** Who knows, maybe Angel and Foxy are distant relatives. With the "Ace Attorney" universe, anything's possible. After all, this is the same universe where a prosecutor took the time to retrain a parrot in a single day on the off-chance that the opposing defense attorney cross-examines it.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** No kidding the amount of sodium in that poor man's meagre budget diet must be murder! Still probably hurts less than wisdom teeth getting extracted though I hope you're feeling better now! 😊

 **CT:** I know what you mean. Gumshoe puts his heart and soul into his job and does his best to keep a cheerful disposition and a smile on his face, yet his pay gets cut at the drop of a hat. Thankfully, Gumshoe managed to earn that single raise at the end of "Investigations 2; though there's a good chance that raise only managed to balance out the pay cut that he got from Sebastian in "Inherited Turnabout". However, even if Sebastian didn't cut the scruffy detective's pay, that raise would still be negated by the end of "Turnabout Revolution" due to Edgeworth not being pleased with the fact that Gumshoe decided to tell Phoenix about the events of the "Investigations" games. I guess Edgeworth didn't want Phoenix to learn that he has essentially become the spiky-haired defense attorney equivalent of Voldemort.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Funny thing about chowing on crow – nobody seems to like eating it, yet it's apparently _soul_ food! Hee! Always glad to inspire a laugh in my good pal and fellow angsty artist!😄

While I'm sure Trucy's sodium proclivities come from necessary means of adapting to being on a skint food budget, (she still looks healthy and well fed, I'm thinking no name brand foods and maybe food bank at hardest times?) I still think pianist DILF and the little magician that could still ate better than Gummy! That penurious sod is so broke, he has to save up to be poor! 😄

Plus, we know Dick likes to sing hence why I gave him the extended version of the dwarves' anthem. Remember his homage to Bob Marley during the third game as he sang No Woman, No Crime? 😆

About Angel's lackluster food...am sure she compensated her beaus with _other_ ways to whet their appetites! 😈

And the whole Miles not being able to get witnesses to ever be normal and state their business is as ongoing a running gag as the ladder vs. step ladder! 😁

 **CT:** Considering that the Judge has no complaints regarding Angel's lunches, they can't be all that bad. However, I believe that the biggest reason why people buy Angel's lunches isn't the food itself, but rather the woman selling it- y'know, like some kind of Hooters-on-wheels thing.

As for Gumshoe, if someone heard his song, what would they do to him, cut his pay? Even if Gumshoe didn't do anything wrong, he would still get one due to how Edgeworth issues them out at the drop of a hat. For example, in "Turnabout Revolution", in an optional bit of dialog if the attorney's badge is presented, Edgeworth will contemplate cutting Gumshoe's pay simply because the scruffy detective told Phoenix about the events of the "Investigations" games.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** The worst part about having his salary cut so low, at this point he'd have to pay to go to work, is that with the USA healthcare system being the travesty that it is, poor Gummy couldn't afford to treat the sodium induced hypertension either! Unless of course, the LAPD has a great health benefits plan… makes me wonder who paid for his bandaged treatment when he crashed that car in JFA…also vegetables cost extra! 😉

 **CT:** It's a cruel cycle, really. Gumshoe makes a mistake, resulting in a pay cut that prevents him from buying fruits and vegetables. This, in turn, has probably resulted in Gumshoe developing an iron deficiency, which has made it where he has a hard time staying awake, thereby causing him to make even more mistakes, resulting in more pay cuts.

From what I've read on the wiki, Gumshoe was apparently a part-time mover. So with that in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if Edgeworth woke up on morning, only to find himself sleeping on the floor and his apartment devoid of all possessions of value.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Gumshoe may be the ultimate Edgeworth fanboy, but he's not a saint – I'm sure while he's grown immune/developed a tolerance for his bosses being ornery and abusive with both their sharp barbs and whips, it doesn't mean the first (pay) cut wasn't the deepest, any more than the first crack of that leather weapon didn't sting. I mean heck, in the games, Franny made the unbreakable Nick pass out from the demented use of that whip, so I'm sure Gummy would at least grumble! Thanks for being so awesome yourself, milady! 😁

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody! After all, Edgeworth's like Snackoos- you can never have too much of him, especially if you're a young woman in body or heart.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP: "** Ga'ran being Blaise's illegitimate child. It's an interesting theory of yours, and yet, it's just so weird. It'd be more believable if she wore a fake beard."

Well even at the risk of sounding crude, if you have read any of my hilarious copilot's works about the royal couple from hell, you would understand my accepted head canon donning a fake beard would not be out of the question for Ga'ran at all, considering she has no qualms 'strapping on' other types of mainly accessories when the occasion arises most notably Inga's birthday! 😉😈

What really sets apart the first trilogy from the second is that Blaise was the underlying bad guy. Not on his own of course…he had a little help from a megalomaniac swimming enthusiast and a daytime vampire, not to mentions a certain periwinkle piss head (don't even get me started on my rant of how if that creepsicle dildo hadn't gotten Phoenix disbarred, poor Simon never would've ended up on death row in the first place and helped usher in the Dark Age of the Law!)to help further expedite the things but there's not really _one_ particular villain in games five and six is there? They are sort of standalone games in that sense, which is fine I guess but not what we fans are accustomed to or perhaps even prefer which is why the original trilogy is generally favoured over the second one in the Ace Attorney fandom and yes I am aware Bitchtoff Gavin technically is part of the second trilogy but I can never resist a chance to throw in a dig at my most despised villain in the series!

You're right about Daddy Dragon being considered a famous fighter… Using a gun on him was a pretty cheap trick, the equivalent of the time that man was reduced to using kryptonite to defeat Superman and I'm aware that man of steel is normally how many people refer to Phoenix, but Dhurke was still pretty badass since he needed that many gunshots to finally take him down and yet he was still living for a while afterward! Reminds me of Detective badass…who survived his lengthy career with a Swiss cheese bullet holed trench coat as a souvenir his war wounds and lived to tell about it… maybe those two are distantly related?

I don't see him daddy dearest in any way shape or form when it comes to Nosferatu… You're absolutely right about Manfred being a completely irredeemable sack of ass! It's the reason why I surmise that along with her beauty, any humanity or redeeming qualities that Franziska possesses would've had to have been bequeathed by her mother, which is why in TE, I wrote Minna Von Karma as being otherworldly levels of incredibly, jaw-droppingly, loin-stirringly beautiful, for no mere mortal Venus incarnation would be able to overcome the genes of the altogether fugly homunculus that was Manny!😝

If Maya had continued to do her training in the Kingdom of Khura'in, I'm pretty sure that Queen Pearl definitely would've ensured that Phaya became canon by decreeing that the Master of Kurain would only get international recognition of her inherited title by being wed. Ergo, as Phoenix at this point is an honourable Fey with his own spiritual abilities what with being able to hear Mia's voice and skillfully utilize that magatama, he would be the obvious contender to take the hand of the village leader… Those bringing Queenie's lifelong fairytale into fruition! And I am positive neither Maya or Nick would have any objections to this but instead be relieved that somebody had taken the reins and pushed their cowardly dork behinds together at last! Oh Wright, the noble Queen Pearl also would have freed any existing prisoners and had Ga'ran stoned to death, thus making her the final "victim" of the country's capital punishment! 😊

I prefer to remember Gumshoe as humbled and happy to have gotten his long overdue raise in the Miles game rather than being a questionably hostile witness against Phoenix in the Apollo Justice game during the blue attorney's final trial. What the heck was up with that sudden turnabout in his behaviour as though the two of them were no longer friends anymore?! It was the only time in the series I actually kinda disliked the big lug! I'm going to blame that on the craptastic writing for ruining yet another amazing character in the same way they committed character assassination on Nick and totally screwed over Ema in that very same game!

While most of the Rise From The Ashes cast is largely forgettable and never mentioned again, at least Angel Starr will always be remembered to me as the promiscuous bodacious lunch lady whose voracious boyfriend juggling made her nether regions so hot, she could heat chili on them, and thus use this as a featured lunchbox called the Fire Crotch Special!) 😂

Ahem, sorry, that was lewd.

Um, I will also credit Angel for being the sole reason Miles did not end up being accused for the second time in less than two months of a murder he did not commit, no thanks to the Gant and Lana, because her witness testimony of that crucial moment in the garage was what saved him. Sure, I might be writing the elder Skye sibling in my FF, but I've tried to redeem her character from the actual game, where I think she was kind of bland and flat-out terrible for trying to frame her poor, unsuspecting former subordinate! Leave Edgeworth alone, beyotch! He's been through enough already, dammit!

Finally, dear reader I want to thank you for reminding me that we are actually in the official Ace Attorney timeline again, although my least favourite duration of it, and reminding me about Nick and Trucy's first Father's Day. I hope you enjoy the song I chose to honour that beautiful relationship. 😊

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** In terms of evilness, I would say that Dogen beats Shelly in that category. Sure, Shelly may have done some awful things, but I see him as more of a neutral character in that everything he does is purely professional and he's willing to listen to reason so long as his job is accomplished in the end and his client is safe (that is, if they didn't betray him). As for Dogen, he may have mellowed out a bit during his time in prison, but even then, you can tell that he's the kind of guy who loves toying with people and the thrill of the kill.  
In my opinion, if Shelly was the one who was hired to assassinate Huang, there's a good chance that he would have granted the president's final request to talk with his son. Granted, Shelly wouldn't have let Huang out of his sight the entire time, but he wouldn't have tried to kill the man on the spot. I mean, if Shelly was a truly heartless man, he would have killed Maya the second Phoenix failed to secure Matt an acquittal in a single day.  
If Pearl was Queen of Khura'in, her first act would be to have Phoenix propose to and marry Maya with at least 20 guns aimed at him. After that, as well as ensuring that Phoenix has made a beautiful baby with Maya and nullifying the DC Act, Pearl would pretty do whatever Maya suggests her to do. After all, Pearl values Maya's opinion above all others, including her own, and has never been an assertive person in regards to anything outside of Phaya.  
Tell me about it, when I was recording my playthrough of "Rise from the Ashes", I was stuck for a good 20 or so minutes during the second investigation portion on account of how you have to go through all of Meekins' dialog and then present Goodman's ID to him. Even though I presented the ID to Meekins pretty much as soon I could interact with him and got his dialog stating that he recognized it, the game pretended that nothing happened until I presented it a second time after clearing out all of his dialog options. As much as I like the case's plot and characters (especially Gant), I can't help but feel that it's a big offender of the concept of "I know how the plot plays out, but I don't know how the game wants me to figure it out."


	76. The Plumed Punisher

_CT: Originally, this parody was going to be about Edgeworth, Simon, Klavier, Franziska, and Sebastian and how they fight for justice and the truth. However, after realizing that the Steel Samurai and Pink Princess' theme songs had their own parodies in this fanfic, I felt that it was only fair that everyone's favorite Khura'inese knockoff had her time in the spotlight. So with that said, this parody- and all of the pain that Inga suffers because of it- goes out to_ _ **DJJ680.**_

 _JP: This last installment of June's "Daddy Issues Month" (which will continue into July as we have some more Papa/parental themed requests in the pipeline)_ _is brought to you by the somewhat twisted sense of humor of the ever comical genius known as Czar Thwomp. This parody_ _falls under this month's themed category because um… well instead of playing "How's Your Father?" like the Brits say across the pond, or, "Who's Your Daddy?" let's just say Ga'ran was able to boast that: "Even my worthless husband calls me "Mommy…"_ 😈

* * *

" _ **The Plumed Punisher" Theme Song  
**_ **Sung to the tune of the Plum Punisher theme from  
the AA **_**Spirit of Justice**_ **game** _ **  
**_ **  
**

It was no secret that Inga hated his marriage. Ga'ran had always been a bossy, manipulative woman who siphoned away happiness from anyone unfortunate enough to associate with her like some kind of demented leach. That's why the Minister of Justice couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room as her, let alone having her come in his private chambers.

However, despite Inga hating the idea of essentially letting the Bogeyman enter his bedroom, it was a necessary evil to ensure the future of _"The Plumed Punisher_ ".

 _ **["Inga, please explain to me why you were so insistent that I come to this pigsty that you call your private quarters."**_ _Ga'ran impatiently commanded as she tapped her long fingernails against Inga's wooden desk, staring down at the Minister of Justice with a look of mild contempt in her eyes as he tried to pull up a file on his laptop.]_

 _ **["Like I said earlier, I need to get your approval for something involving 'The Plumed Punisher'. Now if only the damn video would load so I could get this over with."**_ _Inga growled, slamming his fist on his keyboard as he glared at the spinning loading circle.]_

 _ **["Admit it, Inga. You're just using this as an excuse for us to have a little… alone time."**_ _Ga'ran seductively purred into the Minister's ear as she ran her fingers through his hair.]_

 _ **["Get off of me, spider hag!"**_ _Inga snapped as he swatted his wife away._ _ **"Why after 27 years of trying to avoid you like the plague and crying myself to sleep after our nights of torture would I want to do anything like that with you?"]**_

 _ **["Well, I was just thinking that perhaps you've been feeling like less of a man since yesterday, what with how that foreign attorney not only got another acquittal, but also hurt your reputation by revealing your horrible Lady Kee'ra scheme to the public."**_ _Ga'ran said in the kind of demeaning tone that a mother uses to comfort her child.]_

 _ **["One, that lawyer just got lucky again. Two, I already covered my tracks regarding Operation Avian Princess- which, for your information, was a brilliant plan. See, I ran an 'investigation' that revealed Neh'mu to be a loose cannon cop who didn't play by the rules, thereby effectively distancing him from the rest of the secret police. And three, how could that lawyer guy make me feel like less of a man when you've been fulfilling that role just fine on your own for what feels like eternity?"]**_

 _ **["True, but if that's the case, then once again, why am I here? Ever since we established the show's premise, I haven't felt the need to change anything about it. In fact, I'm a bit proud of that little show since it's one of the few things you've done over the course of our marriage that hasn't filled me with disappointment, which is more than I can say about your work in the bedroom."**_ _Ga'ran sneered.]_

 _ **["Since this damn video isn't loading, I might as well tell you now. After that lawyer revealed how… similar the 'The Plumed Punisher' theme song and the one for that American show, 'Iron Ninja', or whatever it's called, are, I've decided to modify ours in case news of this reaches the States and they come after us with their Hollywood lawyers. Sure, we've got your nephew, but even he's no match for those sleazy ambulance chasers. Hell, a couple of weeks ago, Nahyuta lost a case in the States to some loud, horn-haired child. That's why I'm not taking any chances and- Thank the Holy Mother, it's finally up!" Inga cheered as the video for his new and improved 'Plumed Punisher' theme song started.]**_

* * *

When Dhurke's attacking,

She'll always help.

Plumed Punisher!

With her strength,

She makes the rebels yelp.

Plumed Punisher!

* * *

When Dhurke's evil threatens the land,

The Holy Mother guides her hand,

Because she's the hero that Khura'in needs.

* * *

Plumed Punisher, strike!

* * *

With Lady Kee'ra's strength,

She can't lose.

Plumed Punisher!

She'll never let us fall to Dhurke's views.

Plumed Punisher!

* * *

Minister Inga's her best friend,

Helps him fight crime until the very end,

Loves him for his bright mind and rock-hard abs.

* * *

Plumed Punisher, strike!

* * *

She! Jumps! And! Kicks! Butt!

Plumed Punisher!

* * *

 _ **["So, what do you think? Pretty good, eh?"**_ _Inga smirked, chomping down on his cigar stamp as he tilted his head towards Ga'ran, who looked like she couldn't be any more displeased.]_

 _ **["Inga, that was the most pathetic thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, and I've seen you in the bedroom."**_ _Ga'ran growled.]_

 _ **["What do you know about taste, you overgrown spider? Have you ever looked in the mirror?**_ _" Inga scoffed.]_

 _ **["While I may not be an expert when it comes to the superhero genre, I know when you're lying like a defense attorney about your appearance. You having rock-hard abs…?" Ga'ran tittered as she covered her mouth. "Your abs make the Pillsbury Doughboy's look like a boulder by comparison!"]**_

 _ **["C'mon, if you aren't gonna let me have any happiness in our marriage, then at least let me have some kind of joy when making my show!"**_ _Inga snarled.]_

 _ **["Look, Inga, I've been tolerant of your work with 'The Plumed Punisher' so far, but that new theme song is where I draw the line. I forbid you from changing the current one to that self-pandering cacophony!"**_ _Ga'ran proclaimed.]_

 _ **["In that case, I'm taking that Ga'ran Kids bit you filmed outta that episode we're airing in two weeks."**_ _Inga retorted.]_

 _ **["Don't be ridiculous, Inga!"**_ _The Queen snapped._ _ **"The Ga'ran Kids PSA is not only informative, but a work of art."]**_

 _ **["Work of art, my ass! It's just a bunch of creepy kids singing some creepy song that you wrote! It's disturbing, see!"**_ _The Minister of Justice roared.]_

 _ **["Well, if you take my song out of the episode, then I'll have you executed for treason."]**_

 _ **["Ha! You think I'm scared of death?"**_ _Inga sneered._ _ **"It would beat me having to look at your ugly face every day. I swear, sometimes I wish I was married to Medusa- at least she'd know how to make a man hard."]**_

 _ **["Is that a request, Inga…?"**_ _Ga'ran purred, a sultry grin spreading across her face as she put her hand on her husband's shoulder.]_

Knowing what kinds of horrors were about to unfold after years of marriage, Inga wasted no time in jumping out of his seat and making a beeline dash for the room's exit. However, right when the Minister of Justice put his hand on the doorknob, Ga'ran tackled him to the ground before dragging him back to his bed as he screamed like a little girl.

 _ **JP:** p.s. For anyone interested in seeing the "continuation" of things with wannabe gangster and Her Malevolence at the end of this chapter, (warning not for the faint-hearted!) then check out my hilarious partner's FF on more royal couple from hell shenanigans in **"The Imperial Daddy"** which chronicles Inga's adventures in fatherhood. Chapter 7 nearly made me laugh myself into a seizure! XD_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 75**

 **nica2026**

 **JP:** Since I haven't heard the pleasure of hearing you before, new reader, first, thank you so much for taking the time to drop us a line! 😊

Yeet! I was wondering if someone was going to comment/notice my adopting the most heartwarming/memorable line of the historically biggest blockbuster ever made that knocked Avatar off the earth's surface! 😉

It just seemed so fitting for baby Trucy, and carries so much more weight than "I love you tons…" literally and figuratively! (look up how much a ton weighs and try not to sniffle!)

Yet another song request that I didn't know the source from – sounds like something right up CT's alley as "bad guys" are his specialty – but I did laugh myself silly at both the lyrics and song video of _an angry, hot topic employee assaults an orange furry and Skeletor…_

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody! As for your suggestion, we're more than happy to give it a shot.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** thank you so much for the kind words, milady. My biggest regret right now is that I didn't put this imagined origin about Phoenix's beanie in _Turnabout Everlasting_ and since I've gotten such incredible feedback from lovely readers like yourself, I have been wracking my brain trying to think of a way to squeeze it in there! 😊

I agree there definitely needs to be more DILF/Trucy father daughter fics around someone should really make a community for that! I would do it myself but I'm really not sure how to go about doing so… Thankyouverymuch for putting our series into your Junipollo collection!

 **CT:** You know, Kristoph may be a psychotic prick who was driven to ruin a man's life over losing a poker game, but if it wasn't for his insane revenge plan, then Phoenix and Trucy would have never become a family, Sure, Phoenix would have never lost his badge and the Dark Age of the Law would never have occurred since he would have probably defended Simon, but Trucy's life would have been miserable. Knowing Zak, he would have heaped all of the pressures of Troupe Gramarye on his daughter's little shoulders since she was an incredibly talented magician and had the gift of perception- essentially, it would be like what Morgan would have done to Pearl if her plans had actually succeeded. And when Zak wasn't forcing Trucy to basically carry the family, he would probably drag her around to seedy bars and use her gift to clean house at the poker table. **  
**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _Lo siento_ about your visor, Señor Java although this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you cried _brown_ droplets instead of red! I thought of you the other day because I read that recent scientific studies have determined that he can drink up to 25 cups of coffee per day without there being any health risks. 😲

Not that I think you should alter your comfortable number 17… But I digress.

I am open to suggestions about the origin of Mr. Hat… And would welcome any readers to submit their own head canons so that perhaps me and my partner could put it into song! 😊

As for your song request, consider it done. While I am not familiar with the Samuel L. Jackson movie, that song is pretty iconic, whether you like it or not. I'm pretty confident you'll like what I have planned for it! 😉

 **CT:** Regarding Mr. Hat, I personally believe that Trucy created him so that she could actually have a respectable father figure in her life. Sure, Mr. Hat may be a wooden puppet, but he's twice the man Zak is. After all, at least Mr. Hat didn't abandon Trucy without a second thought, only to come back years later with getting revenge over a poker game being one of his primary reasons.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** This was another example of yet _another_ tune I had never heard of before, nor the movie it came from. Kudos to my readers for my ever-expanding musical repertoire! 😊  
The original is almost always going to be better… I can vouch for this even without seeing the movie with the one exception being Robert De Niro's _Cape Fear_ over Gregory Peck's. It is also one of the rare instances where the movie is better than the book… But I digress.

We are even, dear reader. As much as you say I made your night with my humble parody, feedback like yours had me so sublimely happy, I couldn't ever put it into any verse…bless you. It's people like you who only with a few lovely words, keep me Wrighting and remind me why I started in the first place.

Thank you. 😘  
 _*cheek squish!*_

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody and that it made your night better!

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Zak Gramarye was a despicable sack of ass who definitely got what was coming to him, considering he wasn't even a traditional villain! After all, technically he hadn't killed anybody (except for helping kill Phoenix's career), although not for lack of trying. What with his committing aggravated assault on an admitted creeper of a man who, however annoying, was still barely half his size, it was a crime only worsened by his attempted murder of a certain underground dealer. Yes, I called the latter this attempted murder not mere assault. Considering the massive difference of body size/mass between the magician and the unsuspecting Olga, there's no way he could have thought she would only get a minor headache when he struck her with the bottle, any more than that nerve grating banana enthusiast was hoping to only give a minor case of amnesia to Phoenix with that fire extinguisher knockout!

I'd like to think that fate intervened in the form of the demonic Bitchtoff, even at the cost of Phoenix's livelihood for seven long years, and saved Trucy from an even worse one by having her be raised by Nick instead of Zak. After all, his assault of Spark and worse, Olga, proved he had no qualms about getting violent with females God forbid if his little angelic daughter had been left to be raised by that unhinged monster! 😱

Your comment about Phoenix a good enough singer to ditch tickling the ivories makes me wonder if he didn't occasionally moonlight with his golden throat vocals at his daughter's place of work (after all _she_ was obviously a frequent flyer at _Daddy's_ joint, The Borscht Bowl Club, to help him cheat at poker !) for extra cash… After all the night he got hit by the car he was supposed to start a new job at that past a place which was never mentioned again… Possibly he got fired before he even officially started, since he never showed up for work that night although for really good reason! 😊

Finally….awwwww! Thanks for the sweet words, hun! Made my day! 💖

 **CT:** Phoenix may be a good singer, but he's an even worse piano player. As for why the owner of the Borscht Bowl continues to have Phoenix play the piano and not stick to singing, that's probably because they'd be losing out on profits. Think about it- if you're in a restaurant with the air conditioning set to sub-zero and some guy is torturing you with his piano playing, it would be only natural that you'd try to find some way to numb the pain, whether it's in the form of shoving napkins in your ears or downing enough booze to drown an elephant.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn!

Together Phoenix and Trucy truly are magical… I wish someone would make a community called DILF + Magicians or something… The world needs more FF's of them, don't you think? 😊 I'm a pretty fluffy writer in general, in the work being diabetes inducing sense _not_ the Gabriel Iglesias variety, so I am very touched that you enjoy my works is much as you do, funny girl! About Phoenix being a DILF ever since the AJ game (you can see those tantalizing pectorals which were only teased underneath his hoodie being canon with his broader frame as of Dual Destinies and then on full display in his tiger shirt in SOJ!). It's just about the only thing I'm going to be grateful to Capcom for with Apollo Justice, so that material was already handed to me in a silver platter! 😉  
As for Trucy, that was pretty easy to write too, as she was the most precious little thing as a kid and even now such an adorable teenager! Her trademark bounce seems more stilted since the AJ game when I first fell in love with it and I wish they would bring it back since she got a much back-burner treatment in DD and of course in SOJ she had nothing to really be bouncy about, all things considered!

I feel like the Wizard of Oz now, considering your comment about tin can hearts! Most delighted to have been a service! 😝

 **CT:** To answer your first question, it depends on whether you're asking me or JP. If it's the former, I would say that it's one of the perks of being the star character- along with Phoenix's ability to bluff his way out of nearly any situation and come out on top, as well as his invincibility. Seriously, after seeing Phoenix survive getting hit by a speeding car and being launched 30 feet headfirst into a telephone pole, I think it's safe to say that in the event of a nuclear apocalypse, Phoenix would be one of the only survivors, along with Larry and Gumshoe.

Though if it's the latter, then it's the golden combination of the Phoenix's Clark Kent strand of hair, his washboard abs, his hobo stubble, and that beanie that might as well be a shower head at this point due to how wet it makes all of the ladies. Plus, it doesn't hurt that Phoenix has Trucy, this energetic, bubbly girl with limitless optimism, bolstering his image.

 **JP:** p.s. CT was spot on about all the Things That Make You Go, Hmm (mad props if you got that reference!) in his thesis of why DILF Man is The Evolution of Sexy, although he missed _one_ more thing… those spell-binding sapphire orbs!😍  
I've an everlasting had a weakness for men with dark hair and light eyes, but Lawdy…if I ever see _indigo_ eyes like that in real life on a fine specimen, regardless of hair color, I assume no accountability for my definitely unseemly reaction…😈😝

p.p.s. Don't matter which way you swing, I have yet to come across a man or woman who doesn't acknowledge that hobo Nick was like a parking ticket in the AJ game… the man had _fine, fine, fine_ written all over him! Cuz c'mon, nobody's _that_ straight! 😉😛

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Objection, pal! That beanie does not make Phoenix look like a _bum_ , merely a sexy ass hobo – and I do believe the proper term is _hobo chic!_ 😝

I am so happy you liked what I did with your suggestion, bud! I do love the idea of using a song to incorporate what must've been going through Phoenix's mind when he raced off to West Asia to rescue his damsel in distress in the Spirit of Justice prologue video. However, I also try really hard to make the parody words _somewhat_ rhyme/flow with the original lyrics, and there's not a whole lot of words pertaining to Phaya that rhyme with _water_ in the same way of _daughter._

Somehow… "As you've grown older," you've grown _hotter,"_ while an irrefutably correct statement about the beautiful adult Maya Fey, and a very good way to interpret Nick's feelings about her in my headcanon, doesn't have _quite_ the same sentimental vibe is the original song, you know? 😛

I know a lot of parents like to peek in on their kids when they're sleeping, which is where I got the idea of having Nick do that with Trucy came from. Most creatures, animals and humans alike, are so beautiful when they're resting peacefully. My partner is particularly cherubic looking in slumber… Until the snoring at the same decibels of a freight train commence. Then… I want to hit them over the head with a shovel! 😂

Some people may not like Trucy and hold her responsible for Phoenix losing his badge, but I'm pretty fond of her myself, and see her as the reason he probably didn't fall over to the dark side after losing his badge. We know Maya was away training (yeah, I know not canon hence the need to write stuff like TE to explain her and his bff's absence!) and God knows where Miles was, so the little moppet was truly his only light. Obviously, blood is not thicker than water… (A sentiment which is nearly always butchered and never used in its proper entirety as it means the _opposite_ of what people think it does!) since Phoenix truly does love that little girl like his own flesh and blood. I also believe that Dhurke must've loved Apollo more than his own biological mother ever did, since she has idly stood by in silence while her two kids almost got blown up and then arrested… But I digress. We can talk about my never-ending rant of _"Thalassa, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways…"_ On our own time! 😉

Wow, team Wright over royalty and his kin? 😮 _Dayum_! I know how much you love _Fire Emblem_ and thanks to the Project X Zone 2 game, (which I only bought because Nick and Maya were in it and loved it overall!), I am familiar with Chrom and Lucina, who were awesome! That being said, considering I'm not into to me fandoms but in this case actually know who your referencing, I can acknowledge this is high praise indeed to have you prefer the Baron of Bluffing over the Lord Prince of Ylisse! Yeah, I can't think of a better father daughter team and videogames either! But back to your review…

"You've done more than well with this one; no mistake about that. If it's possible for anyone to hit perfection in the written arts, I think you've come closer than anyone else ever has. Oh heck, I think you hit the bull's-eye with it. I could keep gushing, but my vocabulary is not that extensive to do it justice."

Please gush away! No thesaurus required! At least your vocab is better than Franny and Melsa's!

I'm an admitted occasional angsty artist with a fragile ego, and it is _such_ an indelible, halcyon experience to know that something I've created brings joy to the wonderful people in this fandom who've shown me so much loyalty these last four years! Yes, the numbers are there to let me know people _read_ my works, but no FF writer ever going to tell you they don't care about or want reviews – not without lying. It's how we get "paid" for our efforts, after all! 😊

As I've never tired of telling you, both on this website and off of it, you're one of the people out there who _always_ keeps me going with your steadfast appreciation of my works with your reviews. This particular one was no exception… Totally made my day! Thank you, my friend. 💖

I want to add that I am also grateful that you're semi rare but awesome variety of unicorn who kindly acknowledges _and_ thanks us whenever we do your musical requests. It's a little thing, but it's a _nice_ thing. 😘

Hugs,

JP

 **CT:** To be fair, who in their right mind could ever be mad at Trucy for more than a minute? With how caring and optimistic Trucy is, you'd have to be a complete monster to actually feel hatred towards her. Case and point, the only person who has ever made Trucy cry is a murderer and one of the biggest jerks to ever come out of Troupe Gramarye, only surpassed by Zak and Magnifi.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** usually when it comes to the Apollo Justice game, which I have zero qualms about discussing my antipathy towards, it's because I'm grumbling about Phoenix's character assassination, and him joining his old pal Ema Skye on equal levels of being bent over and having hot sauce used as lube in the screwing over category. Until I start talking about this, I forgot about how they ruined Gumshoe as well beyond all measure which is that brief cameo which totally left shit stains all over the wonderful friendship him and Phoenix had established over the course the original trilogy. WTF were they trying to undo everything awesome that Shu Takumi ever did? (even coochie cooked chili on the local trampoline that everyone got to bounce on was hilarious!) Yes, yes they were! 😡

Considering what a despicable human stain Inga was (sorry but I can't let him being a caring adoptive dad erase the fact that he killed hundreds if not thousands of innocent people with that stamp of his, not to mention the second hottest daddy in the Ace Attorney world!), his just desserts at the hilariously fiendish hands of my side-splitting partner's works was delicious justice! Although admittedly… Definitely not for the squeamish!😝

I really do enjoy having these discussions of my readers in their reviews and you definitely painted I thought that had never occurred to me before about how Her Malevolence was the underlying nemesis for the entire second trilogy! Mind =

What you said about the bloodthirsty spider definitely make sense though. Her megalomaniac tendencies resulted in devastating not only her own country but the lives of so many others outside of it as well! I'd like to think if Thalassa and Jove had still been together, they would've had a little girl as darling as Trucy anyway, but I totally get how she wouldn't actually been the Trucy that we all know and so in love with, which would have been another tragedy in itself!

This series really does explore some really interesting biological and adoptive parent dynamics. There is the bad kind of adoptive parents which we know were abusive like Ga'ran and Manfred, and then of course there were actually very good biological parents, like Gregory Edgeworth and Byrne Faraday and even poor Jove Justice who died trying to save his son. There were a POS biological parents, like the mind cluster fuck that was Manfred onto both his ward and daughter, plus Zak Gramarye and Thalassa (sorry she gets looped in the same category as her husband and nobody can change my mind on that!) and then there were the wonderful adoptive parents who we all wouldn't have minded being taken in by: Justine is an excellent example, as is he of admittedly more latent than Dhurke charm, Badd. What he lacks in traditional charm he makes up for by being a burly, wise Papa Bear with a heart of gold that would give up his life for you – and I'm a sucker for these tsundere types – isn't that why most of the fandom loves Edgy? So yeah, I shamelessly will defend the disposition and overall awesomeness of my favourite detective with every ounce of Phoenix Wright being channeled to do so! 😉

About Tyrell Badd - we all know he's pure frontin' with that surly disposition, because he tries so hard to come across as the aloof, strong, silent type. However, underneath that tough exterior he has proven to be as loyal and good as the day is long, and to be as sweet as those candies that he favours for those he cares. His protective love for his niece was evident in the first Miles game, as a certain idiotic Wolf Man learned the hard way! (Grrr! How dare he ruin a perfect shot for a deserving target like that?!)  
I have a headcanon that Detective Badass was like a father figure to Kay Faraday after her father died and even legally adopted her which is why she calls him Uncle Badd!

Where was I again? Wright… Awesomesauce adoptive DILF's! Since poor Dhurke is no longer in this world and part of the Twilight Realm that does leave Phoenix as the last _Hop On Pop_ standing! 😛

Now I'm gonna estate obvious which is as much as I said I wouldn't mind being adopted by any of the parents that fell into the awesome category, if I were to call Phoenix "Daddy" it be for a _different_ reason! 😈

That being said, I work with a very talented partner and as we are approaching 100 songs I am touched and humbled beyond all measure that my homage to Phoenix and Trucy marks your favourite song from this entire series. Thank you, dear reader, that really means a lot to me. 😘

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** Considering that four of the five original members of Troupe Gramarye were jerks of varying degrees, I wouldn't be surprised if one of the major requirements to join the group was being a certain caliber of jerkiness. I could just imagine the interview process going like this: Magnifi would leave the candidates alone with a three-legged puppy for two minutes and would only allow those who at the very least kicked it the opportunity to join the group. So with that in mind, even if Zak wasn't married to Thalassa, I wouldn't be surprised if Magnifi let him join Troupe Gramarye because he saw Zak's immense potential to be a grade-A dick muffin.

If there's one thing that Franziska inherited from Manfred, it's her stubbornness. Sure, she's nowhere near as bad as her father, but considering that Franziska was consumed with the desire to defeat Phoenix for almost a year (over a year's worth of time if you believe that this desire started the second that the spiky-haired attorney defeated Edgeworth), I think it's safe to say that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. But while on the subject of Franziska, it's time for another round of "CzarThwomp Theorizes that a Character is Blaise's Illegitimate Child". I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous, but hear me out on this one.  
For one thing, considering how Manfred was, I think it's safe to say that he barely gave his wife the time of day, let alone showed her any displays of affection, both public and private. To Manfred, he probably saw his wife as a means to an end in that she would give birth to the next generation of von Karmas. So with that in mind, Manfred's wife probably felt quite lonely and embittered towards her husband, which could have compelled her to get back at him in the form of having an affair with someone who was higher on the prosecutor ladder than him. Plus, Blaise wouldn't be one to turn down the chance to get some action- especially if it meant screwing with the high-and-mighty Manfred von Karma. Though knowing Manfred and his planet-sized ego, he would have been the kind of guy who thinks he's so perfect that no woman in their right mind would ever even think of cheating on him. After all, why settle for beef jerky when you have filet mignon at home? Heck, even if Manfred's wife was pregnant despite him not doing the bedroom cha-cha with her for over 18 months, I wouldn't be surprised if he believed that he was so perfect that he could impregnate a woman just by looking at her.

Though situational circumstances aside, there's plenty of genetic evidence that hints towards Franziska possibly being Debeste. For one thing, based on how Franziska holds her whip and how Blaise handles his lighter, they're both left-handed. However, Manfred was right-handed, as indicated by how he held both his cane and his stun gun. Sure, Franziska could have gotten her left-handedness from her mother or from one of Manfred's ancestors, but you can't doubt the possibility. Though what's more striking than the shared dominant hand is how Franziska and Sebastian have similar head shapes, eye shapes, noses, and jaw lines. Granted, it's a bit hard to tell at times since the former is typically quite stoic and the latter is usually overly emotional, but the similarities are easiest to see when looking at Franziska's sprites when she was 13 and carried around a riding crop. So with that in mind, it's possible that Franziska and Sebastian share a common parent; and since Manfred probably had the sexual drive of a raisin and Blaise would have most likely had several DNA tests to confirm that Sebastian was his and would have thrown the boy into a wood chipper if they were indeed unrelated, the latter is the more likely candidate.  
Finally, Franziska and Blaise are both sadistic. Granted, Franziska isn't a psychopath like Blaise is, but you can't deny that she takes pleasure in causing other people pain whenever given the opportunity. For crying out loud, Franziska carries a whip around and assaults people with it for so much as saying something that irritates her. Not to mention, Franziska doesn't hide how much pleasure she gains from intimidating people with her whip- much like how Blaise savors the act of bullying people with his power and sharp tongue. Sure, Manfred carried around a stun gun and felt no qualms about giving Phoenix and Maya the shock of a lifetime, but he didn't go around zapping people with it willy-nilly.


	77. Papa You Floored Me

_JP: Let's face it, most of the father's in AA leave much to be desired, but to me, Manny sucks more than most, and it's not just because he's Nosferatu! Ergo, I thought even though she showed only anger towards Phoenix after he got Manfred sent to death row, Franziska secretly must have been devastated when she found out the truth about her not so perfect genius father. I figure this was her true reaction, in private, to the news her Papa was nothing more than a lying murderer. This would have taken place right after the events of Turnabout Goodbyes – and before Miles Edgeworth chose death, which, depending on the version of the 1_ _st_ _game you played, didn't happen until after Rise From The Ashes. For my fave funny girl and friend,_ _ **Peoplepersonsof DooM,** as the_ _Parental/Daddy Issues theme from June continues!_

 _CT: No matter how intimidating Franziska tries to appear with her whip and constant use of the word "fool", on the inside, she's just a scared little girl who so desperately wants her father's approval. So, after it was revealed that Manfred killed Gregory, in addition to him being loose lipped about his PIN number, it's safe to say that Franziska was devastated. So with that in mind, I believe that my wonderful cowriter has done an amazing job depicting just how emotionally distraught our favorite whip-wielding perfectionist tsundere prosecutor probably was when she learned the news that not only her father had lost a case and his perfect record, but also was arrested for murder._

* * *

 _"_ ** _Papa You Floored Me"_  
** **Sung to the tune of "Mama Who Bore Me"  
from the Broadway show **_**Spring Awakening**_

Franziska von Karma's mind was laid waste by the earth-shattering news.

"I'm sorry, Franziska. I don't know what else to say…"

"Curse you, Miles Edgeworth!" She gripped the phone receiver so tightly, she could feel the seams of her leather gloves threatening to split open, just as much as her heart had been a minute ago when her foster brother had called her with the news about Manfred's fate at the hands of _der Scheißkerl_ defense attorney! "I suppose this is your idea of thinking justice has finally been served! I bet you and that foolish _Schwein_ , Phoenix Wright, are gleefully celebrating my Papa's downfall together!"

"Franziska, I can understand how this news is devastating but you couldn't be further from the truth." Miles sounded more tired than triumphant. "I couldn't possibly have wanted any of this! You should know me well enough to know I've never been the bloodthirsty nor vengeful sort. I was as utterly blindsided by all of this as _you_ were! Please believe that I had nothing but great respect for Manfred as my mentor…"

"He was your mentor, but he was – is! – _my_ _father_!" She shouted, cutting him off abruptly. " _My flesh and blood!_ There's no way any of this could possibly be true!"

She angrily brushed away the tears of rage beginning to trickle down her cheeks.

"Papa was a genius! A legal legend who remained undefeated for _40 years_! There is no way such an esteemed man of his office would stoop to such atrocious acts like forgery or murder!"

"I know you must be in shock right now," Miles said wearily. "But as a man who has made it his newfound mission to uncover the truth, regardless of the costs, I can tell you, Big Sister, that _denying_ the truth will only make things more difficult for you in the long run…"

She couldn't hear another word. The news passed through her like a hurricane. Everything she and worked and struggled for now lay in ruins. But she'd be damned if she let her fool of a Little Brother be even an ear witness to her falling apart!

" _Fahr zur Hölle_ , Miles Edgeworth!" Her throat aching from unshed tears, the tempestuous German prosecutor slammed down the phone as hard as she could before dissolving into a watery mass onto her bed, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.

 _Papa, how could you? You couldn't possibly have reared an innocent child in your own image just to spite his father, whose life **you** took away by your own murderous hand! How could you do such a horrendous, evil thing? How am I supposed to defend you and uphold any pride in the Von Karma name now, when deep in my heart, I know that fool Miles Edgeworth has never been one to lie about anything? How can I do anything but admit to myself that as gut wrenching as it is, __deep down_ _, I know all this is somehow actually true…?_

The desolation she felt was all consuming. Her mind became an icy wasteland, the wind howled in her soul and wrapped icy tentacles around her heart so tightly, it almost stopped beating.

* * *

 _ **[Franziska]**_

Papa you floored me  
Papa you shamed me  
Our famed von Karma name  
The stigma's now so bad

* * *

Blood crimes and cheating  
My Papa's the Devil  
No hope for heaven  
Just Abaddon

* * *

Someday I hope and pray, I can stop this bawlin'  
Transcend your disgrace, and cast off your shadows  
I won't just sit still here, sighing, lamenting all your mayhem  
My day will come, and then the world will know  
 _(My strength will show!)_

* * *

Papa you floored me  
Papa you shamed me  
Our famed von Karma name  
The stigma's now so bad

* * *

Blood crimes and cheating  
My Papa's the Devil  
No hope for heaven,  
Just Abaddon

* * *

 _How am I ever going to survive this dishonor, which shall now forever plague our prideful family name? How will I ever hold my head high again?_

She felt emotionally bankrupt. The was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped her mind in swirling blackness.

Was this all life would have in store for her, hence?

 _No!_ She would not cower and be weak, or continue to wallow in self-pity! Such were the actions of weak, pathetic plebeian fools, and Franziska von Karma, above all else, prided herself to never being _anything_ of the sort!

 _Yes, I am a von Karma, but that also means I am strong. I **will** survive this. I will create my own legacy, separate from Papa's, that will leave behind these bloodstains behind me. And somehow, someday, I **will** make my own name for myself._

She steeled her jaw and clenched her fists.

 _And so help me Gott, I_ _ **will**_ _transcend…_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 76**

 **Jove's Boy**

 **JP:** Consider it done, pal! I already started working on it! The lyrics just came to me like magic! 😉

 **CT:** Well, you'll be glad to know that JP's got you covered on that one.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Delusions of grandeur were Inga's undoing indeed. Like, I _need_ to buy into CT's theory he stole that crystal for Rayfa since there's no way he could have thought _he_ could use it – did he just he had that little " _me no can see faces_ " thing? Come to think of it, maybe that's how he stayed married to Ga'ran the bloodthirsty spider queen for so long in the first place…?😆

 **CT:** When it comes to Inga and Ga'ran's marriage, I see them as being like Al and Peggy Bundy from _"Married… With Children"_ when behind closed doors- a guy who married to a selfish woman with big hair and a libido to match who does nothing but criticize him for every little thing when she isn't torturing him in the bedroom. So, with that in mind, I believe that depicting himself as a handsome macho man in "The Plumed Punisher" is one of Inga's few pleasures in life.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **CT:** I believe the phrase "makin' bacon" would be more appropriate in regards to describing what happened to Inga after the events of this parody, as well as his marriage as a whole.

 **JP:** At least Her Malevolence hasn't busted out the penetrator from Saints Row... So far. (yeah, I know it's supposed to be a baseball bat, but who are we kidding?!) If she's ever feeling festive, I believe there is a candy cane version...😈

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Considering how Ga'ran is, I think it would be easier to list off the women who wouldn't be a better spouse than her. Though funny enough, the top two harpies on that list are Ga'ran's distant cousins, Morgan and Dahlia. Seriously, Phoenix doesn't know how lucky he is to be shipped with one of the few good, sane Feys. Sure, Maya may bleed Phoenix dry with her bottomless stomachs- seriously, those things could qualify as one of the seven wonders of the "Ace Attorney" universe- but that's nothing compared to dealing with a woman like Ga'ran, who most likely feasts on suffering and washes it down with a cup of tears mixed with crushed hopes and dreams.

 **JP:** _"Oh God. Now, I feel very bad for Inga. Being married to that biznatch must be a nightmare with her dragon ball evolutions when she gets pissed. I wonder who'd be a better option for the poor sod?"_

 _Biznatch?!_ 😂

Hee! Lyn my dear you _kill_ me! That being said it just goes to show how amazing my partner is if he makes you give a flying sheep's queef for the cold-blooded murder of Daddy Dragon! I am pretty sure _anyone_ else, even a geriatric Methuselah like Wendy Oldbag would have been a preferable mate for poor Inga (I don't want to think how much sand is in that centuries-old hoo-ha, but I bet you that thing could mummify a penis!) than PEG (yes that was a purposeful pun about their bedroom activities and a reference to my partner's aforementioned _Married… With Children_ reference!)😝😈

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** The way I see it, if it wasn't for the immense love that he felt for Rayfa and the thought of how devastated she would be if he were dead, Inga would have swan dived off of Mt. Poniponi years ago. Heck, that's one of the reasons why I wrote "The Imperial Daddy". After seeing how devastated Rayfa was after her father's murder, I couldn't help but start to draw some parallels between her relationship to Inga to the one between Phoenix and Trucy- essentially, how both of them involve a cute, energetic girl helping their adoptive father through hard times. Sure, Inga and Rayfa were by no means in the same financial boat as Phoenix and Trucy, but they both probably had to deal with Ga'ran's constant criticisms and overall lack of loving warmth and comforted each other, thereby forming an "us vs. the world" mentality.

As for my depiction of Ga'ran and Inga's "love" life being more traumatizing than the image of a shirtless jiggling Jean Armstrong, I don't know whether I should feel proud, guilty, or both.

 **JP:** About Melsa's repeated defeats ( _danke_ for coming up with that nickname for the ass douche, btw!) Not since Apollo Justice game when we met Trucy and Vera's c*ck sneeze fathers have I ever despised a non-villain so much! As in, I wanted to punch him (and while we're at it, his sack of ass mother) so hard in the mouth that he'd bite his own heart! 😡

As for your reaction to the parody… can I say, bud? Even though it wasn't _me_ who did the traumatizing this time, I still get a kick out of your extreme reactions to harrowing sayings like jiggling creampuff references,so therefore _… Gern geschehen_!😅😘

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:**

If you're curious about how Inga ended up in the hell that was his marriage, I came up with a headcanon for how it happened in Chapter 6 of "The Imperial Daddy", "All's Fair in Love and Forced Marriage", which involves the Khura'inese version of Valentine's Day, bad timing, betrayal, and cinnamon. And as for the wedding night, if you've seen how I depicted Ga'ran and Inga's "love life", then you can probably imagine how it turned out for the poor Minister of Justice and how it haunted him for the rest of his days.

 **JP:** I hope you enjoyed the continuation of Daddy/parental issues into this scorching July (at least in _my_ hood! We're looking at almost 40°C already in the heat wave we've had for the last few days!), Milady. 😎😱

If you're a fan of Inga and Ga'ran and not fainthearted, then I highly recommend my partners Daddy tales with Rayfa in _The Imperial Daddy_. I have actually accepted pretty much all of his head canons about the royal family as my own personal canon… And have even incorporated Her Malevolence and Inga's _marital life_ into one of my own fanfictions!

As for the Trucy and beanie background, I already gave it my own spin in the previous parody called "I'll Make You Proud To Be My Daughter," but the idea sounds definitely fluffier than Egyptian cotton, aka Wright up _your_ alley! If you decide to do it, you know I'll read it! I can't get enough of Nick in DILF mode! 😊

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Nahyuta just goes to show you that the Fey version of the jerk gene isn't limited to the women of the family. Bless Dhurke's heart; he tried his best to raise Nahyuta to be a decent, upstanding person like himself. But alas, Prosecutor Torpedo Elsa is too much like his mother to be saved.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't care what people say, Amara is just as bad, if not worse, than her sister. Sure, Ga'ran ruled Khura'in like a despot and essentially committed genocide, but Amara just stood off to the side and let it happen. If Amara truly was this champion of kindness and virtue, you'd think that she would reclaim the throne, or at the very least play hardball and force her sister to be more lenient. But nope, Amara just let her sister rule the country with an iron fist and drag the reputation of the man she supposedly loved through the mud.

That's one thing I never understood. After running away with Dhurke for long enough to have Rayfa, Amara should have known for a fact that Dhurke never planned to assassinate her. After all, if Dhurke really wanted to kill Amara, he would have done so while they were hiding in the wilderness where she couldn't have gotten help- especially when you consider that he had virtually nothing to lose at that point. Yet Amara, in her crazed mind, was still suspicious of Dhurke, yet was perfectly willing to believe every word from her dominatrix sister who gets too much enjoyment out of executing people who so much as look at her funny.

Though going off of what was previously stated, Amara was perfectly fine with seeing her children, particularly Nahyuta, being tortured and exploited by her sister. Sure, Amara provided guidance and emotional support to Rayfa while disguised as Nayna, but if she really loved her children, she would have confronted her sister on this matter. Or better yet, Amara started blackmailing Ga'ran. After all, Ga'ran had more to lose if the deal went sour than Amara on the grounds that if the latter revealed that she was still alive and reclaimed the throne, she could strip the former of all her authority and ensure that Nahyuta and Rayfa are safe. And as for the concern of Rayfa becoming a pariah like her brother, Amara could simply continue to pretend that Rayfa's Inga and Ga'ran's daughter. After all, as far as the public knew, Nahyuta was Amara's only child, so it would make perfect sense that Rayfa would be next in line for the throne. Though that's if Amara didn't decide to give Dhurke a fair trial and try to help him clear his name.

Sorry about the rant. As you can tell, I dislike Amara even more than Nahyuta.

 **JP:**

 _Ah, Inga. You made for an...interesting character in SoJ. Made even more interesting by CT's twisted headcanon. If only you were the main prosecutor in that game. I know you would've been much better than that prick Nahyuta. Seriously. **We all hate Nahyuta, right?**_

 _*sings Michael Jackson's_ _ **Free Willy**_ _soundtrack sound*_

 _You are not alone. I am here with you… Along with a good chunk of the fandom from what I've seen…_

 _Melsa_ (Man + Elsa) _Prosecutor Flutter._ _Khura'in Galadriel_. _Farting butthole._ These are a few my favourite things to call the putrid Prosecutor Sad Monk, otherwise known as He Who Needs A Thesaurus because his painfully broken record tenancies are almost as wince worthy as, to quote a certain hilarious partner of mine, a certain _Vanilla Ice wannabe who has all the tact of a pit bull on cocaine_ when it comes to butchering of Engrish! 😛

Ahem. That being said, I never dreamed they could create a more spineless invertebrate than Iris when it came to allowing someone to be a complete doormat manipulated by a toxic sibling, but ultimately helping move a dead body, while heinous, still pales in comparison to that human stain a.k.a. Queen Amara, who I despise for the very reasons my partner ranted about above. His suck salad of a mom is every bit as despicable to me, if not more so, than her loathsome firstborn. Forget about the apple falling far from the tree… Rayfa mercifully seems to have taken off to her awesome father, but we are talking a whole different orchard since Yuti seems to have inherited everything worth hating from his more useless than a whole in a bucket mother.


	78. As We Want

_CT: This massive labor of love was brought to you by_ _ **JusticeforNoOne**_ _. I know that this one is a bit on the long side, but I just couldn't resist writing a parody dedicated to Kristoph x Dahlia, one of the most beautifully evil crack ships ever conceived, after all the Klema and Miego parodies that have been featured here. However, in order to make that ship work with the parody, I had to utilize a few OCs in the form of Kristoph's parents and Dahlia's father, and all three of them had to be properly introduced as characters in order for this parody to be fully enjoyable. Though for those of you who have read my works, particularly "The von Karma Family Beach Trip" and "Debeste of Friends", you're already familiar with the character that I created to be Kristoph's mother and probably have a good idea of what her views on the situation are and what she wants out of it._

 _JP: With parents like these as role models, did Dolly and Prissy have any hope in hell of being normal?! My own headcanon entailing Demoness Hawthorne's Daddykins having the first name Nathaniel notwithstanding, I am on board with Bitchtoff's mumsy portrayal. Much like his uproarious take of Inga getting unceremoniously_ _ **plum punished**_ _on his birthday courtesy of Ga'ran, the character of Bitchtoff's smother – er, mother! – Kharmen Gavin is such a hoot that I've accepted her into my personal headcanon as being canon! I hope you guys enjoy this entry of hellacious mommies and daddies as our daddy/parental issues theme continues!_ 😝

* * *

" _ **As We Want"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"According to Plan" from  
** _ **The Corpse Bride**_

Being 20 can be quite the challenging time in life- a time for establishing your identity while also dealing with the hurdle of deciding what career path you'll venture down. Though for Kristoph Gavin, his difficulties are in a whole different ball park. For not only have his professors been slamming him with assignments left and right- as well as his social life being less than stellar, to say the least- but right now, he's sitting in the back of his father's Buick, grumbling to himself as he's being driven up into the mountains to some village in the middle of nowhere so that his parents can force him to marry some girl against his free will.

But while Kristoph is staring forward and glowering at the road ahead, his parents seated at the front of the vehicle look absolutely elated- particularly his mother who's smiling like the Cheshire Cat on Prozac. When people see Kharmen and Kristoph together, they can easily see the family resemblance given that they are around the same height, have similar builds, have long blond hair, and are nearsighted. However, contrary to her son, Kharmen is shorter, with a slenderer frame, a slightly rounder face, round pink-rimmed glasses, and her wavy blonde locks flow down her shoulders, contrasting to her son's orderly, drill-shaped style. And in terms of fashion, while Mama Gavin may usually favour more casual options- a blouse, blue jeans, etc.- on this important day, she's looking much more formal in her mint-green evening gown and matching pumps.

And seated next to Kristoph's mother in the driver's seat is his father, who may not look as happy as his wife, but has a smirk of excitement and pride on his face. As for Mr. Gavin's appearance, to make a long story short, he's a more masculine version of Kristoph- taller, more muscular, a squarer jaw, and his blond hair shaved down to a buzz cut. Though he does share some traits with his son, specifically preference for the same kind of glasses and favouring to wear dress clothes no matter the occasion. However, unlike Kristoph who prefers a more aristocratic look, Mr. Gavin prefers a much simpler and more practical blue dress shirt and brown khakis.

* * *

 _ **"So Khrissy, are you excited for today?"**_ _Mama Gavin squeals._

 _ **"Yes, Mother, and perhaps later, you can break my kneecaps with a hammer,"**_ _Kristoph replies in a tone oozing with sarcasm._

 _ **"Don't you talk to your mother with that tone, boy!"**_ _Mr. Gavin coldly snaps_. _**"You should be elated about today."**_

 _ **"Yes, Father, because every young man dreams of getting married to some girl he's never met without a moment's notice,"**_ _Kristoph wryly retorts with a roll of his eyes._

 _ **"Do you know how many men would kill to be in your shoes right now? You're going to be marrying into the Fey family and will be rubbing elbows with political giants like Abe Atishon."**_

 _ **"So that's why you've arranged this marriage? So, you can further your harebrained plan to become governor?"**_ _Kristoph growls, his left eye starting to twitch._

 _ **"It's not a harebrained scheme, Kristoph,"**_ _Mr. Gavin coolly states with the tiniest hint of rage in his voice._

 _ **"If it's not, then why have you've lost election after election for the past five years?"**_ _The younger Gavin male counters with a warm grin._

 _ **"The guys at the country club say that my plans and ideas have potential. I just need more political connections to spread my message to more people."**_

 _ **"Oh please! The guys at your ragtag little country club would say that an inebriated circus chimp throwing its own feces has potential if it paid five grand a month to be a part of an establishment with rude service, atrocious food, and a valet that reeks of cheap cologne who steals all of the loose change in your glovebox,"**_ _Kristoph retorts with pure venom in his voice._

 _ **"You leave the country club out of this!"**_ _Mr. Gavin roars at the top of his lungs, pounding his right fist as hard as he can on the steering wheel, causing the horn to blare._

 _ **"Koen, Koen! Please calm down! Remember what the doctor said about your blood pressure!"**_ _Momma Gavin pleads as she strokes her husband's arm._

 _ **"I am calm, Kharmen."**_ _Koen snarls through clenched teeth_ _ **. "But I'm not going to stand around while our son blatantly disrespects me and Willow Oaks despite everything I'm doing for him. Why, if I can become governor thanks to the Fey's influence, I'll be able to make more money than ever before and can pass on the Gavin Law Offices to Kristoph, thus securing his future."**_

 _ **"We know, Koen, we know…"**_ _Kharmen soothingly states._ _ **"But you have to understand that this is a stressful time for Kristoph. He's worried that he won't be able to make me grandbabies."**_

 _ **"You couldn't be more wrong, Mother."**_ _Kristoph sighs in contempt as he pushes up his glasses._

 _ **"Don't be so coy, Khrissy!"**_ _Kharmen giggles with a dismissive wave of her hand._ _ **"Tell you what, if it'll make you feel better, your father and I'll sing you a musical number just like Shirley Temple would in one of those movies you love. Right, Koen?"**_

 _ **"If it means today will go by more smoothly…**_ _" Koen sighs with resignation._

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

It's the greatest day!

* * *

 _{Koen}_

Yes, a very good day.

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

The day of my baby's wedding!

* * *

 _{Koen}_

It's the rehearsal, Kharmen,

Don't go crazy again.

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

The rehearsal for my baby's wedding!

* * *

 _{Koen}_

As long as nothing goes wrong to ruin the day.

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

And if something does, I'll make them all pay!

* * *

 _ **{Kharmen and Koen}**_

That's why we hope,

Every fibre filled with hope,

Truly hoping that every single little thing that happens goooes…

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

As we want.

* * *

 _{Koen}_

My son won't disappoint,

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

As we want.

* * *

 _{Koen}_

And this marriage I can exploit,

* * *

 _ **{Kharmen and Koen}**_

Gaining a foothold in politics,

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

Outlawing brats that tease,

* * *

 _{Koen}_

Exempt from parking fees,

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

Hurting people who fill me with anger,

* * *

 _{Koen}_

Which you can do once I'm governor.

* * *

 _ **{Kharmen and Koen}**_

We'll be grand, in a new chapter,

Shaking hands with all who matter.

We'll rise with pride,

And we'll never, ever stagger.

* * *

Meanwhile in Fey Manor, Morgan is standing by a window, staring out towards the road leading into town with a forlorn look on her face, quietly sipping tea from her cup, as her ex-husband - a man who towers over her in height, possessing smooth, porcelain-like skin, soft long, curly brown hair, and blue eyes with an angelic look to them- approaches her with a walk that exudes refinement and dignity, two aspects of his personality that are extenuated by the white suit that he's wearing.

* * *

 _ **"In case you actually wish to be involved in some aspect of your daughter's life, Dahlia is currently being fitted for her wedding attire by several of the young acolytes under your guidance,"**_ _Mr. Hawthorne replies in a passive-aggressive manner with a warm smile on his face._

 _ **"Thank you, Oleander…"**_ _Morgan sullenly sighs, not even bothering to look at her ex-husband._

 _ **"Is something wrong, Morgan?"**_

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

It's the worst day!

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

And you wonder why I didn't stay…

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

The day of my daughter's wedding!

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

Quite the pitiable state you live in, Morgan.

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

That's led to my daughter's wedding!

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

All my hard work's shattered into pieces…

* * *

 _ **{Morgan and Oleander}**_

Our daughter's marrying into a family of leeches.

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

They lack grace.

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

They're terse.

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

Things couldn't be worse!

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

You think that? You couldn't be more wrong, Madame Fey.

A scandal could cause their family's reputation to wither away,

Existing as a hollow shell of its former self without any future,

Just like the Fey family today.

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

Why me…?

* * *

 _ **{Morgan and Oleander}**_

That's why we hope,

Every fibre filled with hope,

Truly hoping that every single little thing that happens goooes…

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

As we want.

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

My daughter won't disappoint,

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

As we want.

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

Good from my viewpoint,

* * *

 _ **{Morgan and Oleander}**_

As we achieve the repute of bygone years,

* * *

 **{Morgan}**

When the Fey family,

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

Was envied by our peers.

* * *

 _ **{Morgan and Oleander}**_

And whoever on Earth could have thought,

That Dahlia's face of an angel,

* * *

 _{Oleander}_

And soul of a devil,

* * *

 _ **{Morgan and Oleander}**_

Would help us ascend to our proper level?

* * *

 _ **"So Kristoph, are you more receptive to the idea of marriage?"**_ _Koen calmly asks._

 _ **"But what if I don't like this girl?"**_ _The younger Gavin male replies, prompting his father to burst into laughter._

 _ **"As if something like that has to do with marriage?"**_ _Koen scoffs, earning a death glare from his wife._

" _ **But you had two children with Mother. You have to like her at least a little, right?"**_ _Kristoph reasons._

 _ **"Of course not!"**_ _Koen proclaims while Kharmen yells_ , " _ **Of course!"**_

 _ **"You see, son, being married is like a lawyer and his client- sometimes you get a say, but in the end, they're the ones making all of the decisions. I would have thought that seeing my marriage…"**_ _Mr. Gavin states before transitioning back into song._

* * *

 _{Koen}_

Would have given you a vision.

Would have given you a vision.

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

Do not fail my hopes!

* * *

 _{Koen}_

Do not fail our hopes!

* * *

 **{Kharmen}**

Do not fail my hopes!

* * *

 _ **{Kharmen and Koen}**_

Do not fail our hopes, hopes,

* * *

At that moment, the Gavin family arrives at Fey Manor, prompting them to exit the vehicle and walk over to the front entrance while Kharmen tries to straighten her son's suit coat. Meanwhile, Dahlia, who is wearing a white kimono, is escorted into the main parlor to be with her parents.

* * *

 _ **{Kharmen, Koen, Morgan, and Oleander}**_

That's why we hope,

Every fibre filled with hope,

Truly hoping that every single little thing that happens goooes…

As we waaaaaant!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 77**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** thanks for the kind words, Señor Java. I am positive it was the Von Karma Estate was real war zone that rivaled most of the natural disasters in the US in the aftermath of the tempestuous Wild Mare's fury being unleashed!

Hey! That makes me think…

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies lately, you'd almost think the whole country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground…😜

 **CT:** I also would be surprised if Franziska utterly destroyed her pillow after repeatedly punching it while yelling "I hate you, Papa!"

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** given the tragedy of having a monster father and what appears to be a distant sister and presumably dead mother, Franziska is the AA character that probably needs a hug the most… But who because of the walls she has built up around herself, is least likely to get one. The irony is the one person who she probably wouldn't whip for trying to hug her, aside from her sister, is her Little Brother! However, considering how emotionally constipated and non-tactile the equally tsundere Miles is, the odds of that happening are about as likely to happen as the insatiable Burger Queen becoming vegan! That being said, I am always so touched when readers like my portrayal of Franziska considering how difficult she is to write because of sidewalls and because they made her so unlikable in the first trilogy… And not everybody has played the Miles games to see her character development! She's not a bad person, she has just been brainwashed by Manfred exactly like Miles was, except since Nosferatu was actually her flesh and blood, she's a lot more reluctant to let go of everything she's going up believing, at least initially, because it's easier to delude yourself than acknowledge everything you've grown up believing your entire life is nothing but smoke and mirrors. If that ain't tragic I don't know what is! I really embraced the storyline they gave her in Ace Investigations – it's canon that's she's now working with Interpol, which I further expanded on in my stories, because it gives her a chance to utilize her prodigy skills and still make her own name for herself. 😊

 **CT:** Considering how shocked Franziska was when it was stated that Manfred had used forged evidence in "The Forgotten Turnabout", she was still coming to terms with the truth about her father over two years later. So, with that in mind, I can only imagine just how utterly devastated Franziska was when she first learned the news. But that's completely understandable on account of Franziska learning that practically everything she knew was a lie. Luckily for anyone who wishes to console Franziska, she isn't inclined to use her whip when she's busy crying.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I hundred percent share your headcanon about my favourite detective in the series (nothing against Ema and Gumshoe but considering the former is now in forensics and the latter is a lovable bumbler… While both are equally lovable, I think we can agree that skills-wise, Gummy's mentor "Pops" was still more up superior flatfoot!) And that Raymond Shields probably got him off with a slim to zero sentence for his grey area misdeeds when he was Yatagarasu… I mentioned this very theory in a recent chapter of TE because… at the end credits of the Miles 2 game, Detective Badass is roaming around like a free bird and chatting with Uncle Ray, so I think that helps add some marriage to our speculations! 😊

Kill off Wright?! Last Papa standing?! No, not my DILF Nick! 😱

Bite thy tongue! They can't kill him off! 😲  
He's a bleedin' _Phoenix_ … he's supposed to rise from the ashes, dang it! If they ever did that, I'd cry umbrage! I'd stalk Crapcom HQ with a band of fellow otakus with pitchforks and torchers, in high dudgeon villager style! _Umbrage_ , I say!

Sorry, where were we? 😝

I have referred to Maya and Franziska being kindred spirits and daughters of destiny because it could be argued that neither one of them really wanted the path that was carved out for them but due to family obligations it was the one that they were stuck being on… It makes me wonder about the Thalassa…and the Troupe that musta consumed a _massive buffet of dicks_ , cuz they were _all_ a severe case of _"you are what you eat!"_ Did Mommy Not-So-Dearest always want to be a magician or was it something Magnifi forced upon her? Or _guilted_ her into? Considering he somehow convinced her to give up searching for her son and marry Zak (I just can't believe she did that _willingly_ sorry!) It wouldn't surprise me!

I really appreciate that you liked my Franny portrayal – she deserves more love than Capcom gave her, at least in the original trilogy, and she's like an onion. Meaning she's got so much potential depth and layers – not only because she makes people cry! (That whip rivals that barbed tongue of hers – I swear it could open a wine bottle!)😛

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** While "Apollo Justice" was a bit heartbreaking in regards to what happened to Phoenix, I actually feel that it adds to his growth as a character because it continues the theme in "Ace Attorney" games that even if you do the right thing, you may make some enemies who will make sure that things end badly for you. For example, Gregory, Byrne, Mia, and Diego all had very similar ideologies to Phoenix, yet they were all murdered (or in the lattermost's case, an attempted murder that rendered him comatose). So with that in mind, it was only a matter of time until Phoenix did something to provoke someone into striking him down. And while Kristoph's motive was petty and Phoenix wasn't at fault, it made for a unique twist in that a defense attorney- a career held by only upstanding people (for the most part) up until then- was capable of stooping to such lows. Not only that, but Kristoph wasn't a corrupt official like Gant or Blaise, or a large-scale blackmailer like Redd, or a psychopath with a family history that contains more crimson than her hair dye like Dahlia, but rather a regular man who had one bad day.  
And while people, myself included on my first playthrough, hate how Phoenix essentially became a shell of his former self when we see him in "Turnabout Trump", what else would you expect a man who had lost nearly everything over the course of a single day and was being stalked by the man who made it happen for seven years act? Phoenix had to behave like that not because he wanted to, but because he had to. If Phoenix confronted Kristoph with his typical approach, he wouldn't have been able to overturn his disbarment due to the fact that he had no definitive proof and would have only succeeded in alerting his "friend" that he was aware of the truth, which could have in turn led to him being killed, leaving his daughter all alone, or worse yet, something happening to Trucy, Maya, Edgeworth, or even Larry. Sure, Phoenix could have distanced himself from the latter three after his disbarment for their own safety and lie about how they abandoned him, but Kristoph's no fool. With how thorough Kristoph is, I wouldn't be surprised if he studied each and every one of Phoenix's cases in great detail and came to the conclusion that with how close his adversary was with his friends and the great lengths that they went to help each other, it would be quite unlikely that they would cut off all communications with Phoenix so easily. Therefore, Phoenix had no choice but to act aloof and enigmatic while he patiently waited for an opportunity that would allow for him to expose Kristoph's crimes to the world, get rid of his crazed stalker, and restore his reputation. This is why Phoenix goes back to acting more like he did during the original trilogy in "Dual Destinies" and "Spirit of Justice".  
While it wouldn't surprise me if Manfred's wife was unfaithful- frankly, I'd be shocked if she wasn't considering how she was married to a man whose looks match his personality- I can't picture Dhurke doing the same. Sure, Amara is essentially the worst of both Dahlia and Iris in regards to personality and was more than happy to leave her husband for dead for 23 years, but Dhurke's the kind of guy who would honor his marriage by not even thinking about sleeping with a woman who isn't his wife. Plus, even if Manfred's wife was able of traveling abroad to backwater countries to have affairs without him getting suspicious, I think that it would be quite the challenge to even meet Dhurke in person at that point in time, let alone sleep with him, given that he was hiding out in the wilderness and running a rebellion group as an enemy of the state.  
Though while on that topic, if my hypothetical headcanon regarding Franziska being Blaise's illegitimate child was true and she found out, she would be completely devastated. Sure, Franziska no longer worships the ground that Manfred walked on, but she still loves him and would be crushed to know that her entire life was a lie and that the man who she saw as her father was as related to her as he was with Edgeworth. Not to mention, Franziska would be appalled by the freak show that is her biological family- a sadistic, amoral psychopath for a biological father who has killed and/or arrested countless people who have gotten in his way and won numerous cases by misusing the plea bargain system, and an emotionally (and possibly psychically) abused half-brother with enough daddy issues to give even her a run for her money. And to add insult to injury, I could just picture Sebastian either trying (or failing miserably) to act like a protective brother, or constantly bugging Franziska to protect him from people who are bullying him since she's his big sister.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** We are always happy to hear from you and fulfil your requests milady. Most especially because you're never overly pushy and always so gracious but moreover you're always responding with heartfelt gratitude – which honestly _may_ be a factor, along with your years of being a loyal reader, of why your requests tend to get fulfilled so often! 😉

Ahem, moving on though….

I'm guessing Franziska finding out the truth about how her perfect genius of a father is an illusion that never existed is probably up there with finding out the ugly truth about the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus all at the same time! Talk about a sucker punch! One of the things that bothers me though is finding out just how low her self-esteem is despite her lofty façade in JFA… She thinks unlike her father, _she's_ not a genius. Personally, I think the poor girl, who deserves the mother of all bear hugs, selling herself are too short. Sure, Manfred was a legendary prosecutor, but I find it hard to believe that Dracula had a 40-year perfect record based solely on his legal skills; there was a lot of forgery and corruption that were proven to be factors during that tenure! Whereas _Franziska_ became a prosecutor at the age of _13_! Like, holy crap jacks! Such an achievement would make her like the _Doogie Houser, M.D_ (a classic TV series star Neil Patrick Harris about a 16-year-old genius Dr. if you didn't get the reference) of the legal world just as much of a prodigy genius Miles as well as Athena if not _more_ so since she got there five years sooner before the latter! I hope you manage to stay cool this sweltering summer milady! 😊

 **CT:** Don't worry. We're never upset when readers offer us requests- especially when those readers are as considerate as you are. The only thing is that it may take some time.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Thanks for the kind words, dear reader! 😘

About Miles' death and Franny's reaction… I did cover was ages ago, so it's no surprise you, and probably most of my readers, forgot my portrayal of the speculated aftermath of how the Wild Mare reacted to the news about Manfred, and then Miles' "death." It was covered in **Turnabout Everlasting** , in chapters _118 – Heart of Steel_ , and then how everything came to head to describe why she was the way we saw her in JFA in _chapter 119 – Twisted Sister._ In a nutshell, because of some Fredgeworth drama I gave Franziska at the same time of Manfred's downfall, she reacted very angrily towards Miles and totally cut him off much like she did in the songfic parody, and it was because of this extenuating guilt of how she had unfairly treated the man she loved in my story that logic eluded her and she was completely grief stricken by his supposed suicide, and in the following chapter, I explained my own version of what happened backstage to explain her at less than forthcoming but very much underwhelming response to seeing him at the police station when he finally revealed himself to the utterly thunderstruck Phoenix. 😉

 **CT:** For me, I stated my headcanon on that topic in my one-off story, "Her Third Loss", which is essentially about Franziska's thoughts and feelings over the course of the first two games. But to keep things short, when it comes to the topic of Edgeworth choosing death, I feel that Franziska didn't believe for even a second that Edgeworth killed himself on account of him being too logical and collected to take that route. However, that didn't stop Franziska from feeling anger towards him for supposedly running off and leaving her to deal with all the hardships that she was going through at the time alone.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** So glad you liked your request, Lyn!this song is pretty challenging considering how mellowof a melody it is and the context of the original, but let's face it most teenagers at some point believe that they hate their parents and while I don't know the full circumstances in _Spring Awakening_ Franziska was certainly in a better and more relatable position than most to feel open hostility to say the least, towards her degenerate piece of donkey butter of a Papa! I think it's one of the reasons that I subconsciously ship Franziska and Miles so much… I can't think of a better _screw you_ to her old man than falling in love with and hopefully someday bearing the offspring of a despised Edgeworth… It's the equivalent of dancing on that sack of _Arschloch's_ grave while flipping off the tombstone. Meanwhile, in the Netherworld, Manny pauses howling from the eternal torture of getting a sideways cactus shoved right where the sun don't shine and glares hatefully up at them… Yes, I _up_ at them, cuz let's face it… Manny's got No hope for heaven… Just Abaddon!😈😆

p.s. thank you so much for the reference to the "Perfect" song by Simple Plan, pal! It would be perfect for Franny indeed I gotta find some way to work it into TE!😘

 **CT:** Knowing Franziska, I could also picture her spending a few extra minutes in the shower every couple of days over the course of her childhood in order to cry out of frustration about how her father valued Edgeworth more than her.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I agree with you 110%… Franziska I would have been welcomed back with open arms by most of the fan base…hell I would've even taken _Klavier_ who I normally only like when I'm shipping him with Ema… Basically _anybody_ would have been better than that farting butthole Melsa! Yes, based on what I've seen in the polls/forums, etc, most fans did hate Yuti with the blaze of bajillion suns! His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!

I've been referring to Princess Rayfa as Franziska Junior for some time now, I think it would be hilarious if those two got some screen time together in the next game! Not only would Franny now have risen above her past tragedies and gotten some awesome Miles equivalent character development, but the little princess could show the prosecutor how to come up with better insults that are more personalized than fool… while that whip happy German could show the pampered priestess how best to cause damage with her weapon of choice in this case the royal staff! 😆

P.S. About Amara…

"Your Mercifulness, thou art a boil, a plague sore. I'd beat thee, but I would infect my hands!"

Yeah, I had to go back to Elizabethan times to find the Wright words to express my loathing

In 21st century speak: Eff that uppity douche baguette in the ear, man!😛

 **CT:** Considering that Manfred made the effort to come watch what was supposed to be Edgeworth's first trial and told Franziska that he would only consider attending hers, I think it's safe to say that she had to live in her "little" brother's shadow for most of her life. Sure, Manfred only paid more attention to Edgeworth out of his psychotic hatred for Gregory, but Franziska didn't know that. For all Franziska knew, her father felt that she was a complete failure and that his time was better spent training a student who could actually live up to his expectations, even if said student wasn't his biological child.  
As for why Franziska wasn't the main prosecutor in "Spirit of Justice", it's probably because Rayfa is essentially a younger version of her. Seriously, in terms of personality and backstory, the only difference between Franziska and Rayfa is that the latter's a Khura'inese princess/priestess who isn't a prosecutor, doesn't use a whip, has a mother that we actually meet, and a father who actually loved her. If Franziska was the prosecutor in "Rite of Turnabout", she would probably get into an argument with Rayfa that would essentially devolve into the unstoppable force vs. the unmovable object, resulting in a never-ending trial.


	79. He's Here With You

_JP: I picture this song being sung to a grieving 9-year-old Miles after Gregory's funeral, by Raymond Shields aka Uncle Ray, in attempts to comfort the poor little guy to offer him some comfort…before the bereaved moppet was whisked away by the evil Nosferatu!_ 😈😱 _  
On a personal note, I had the joy of seeing this song-fic's predecessor movie, aka my all-time favourite animated movie, The Lion King, recently as both a Broadway and live-action version! The latter – beautiful visuals, but meh VA – Beyoncé over sang and the songs lacked the 1994 version's magic. LIKED it…did not LOVE it. The stage production… was breathtaking and glorious and this song, "He Lives In You" was so beautiful I literally cried._ 💖  
 _Since a lot of the lyrics are not in English, I had to be creative with the replacement words/syllables, so I tried to do it justice as best I could! I hope you enjoy your request,_ _ **Moonlessnight125**_ _._ 😊  
 _The last of the parental/daddy issues theme has been brought to you NOW!_

 _CT: Just like with "Objections" before it, JP does an amazing job capturing the close bond that Edgeworth and Gregory shared. For even though the latter's no longer among the living, his legacy is still alive and well within his son, both in terms of his desire to fight for the truth and his nearsightedness. And while Edgeworth may have strayed from Gregory's ways for 15 years, I'm sure that he's looking down on Edgeworth with a smile on his face while cracking a few dad jokes with Dhurke._

* * *

" _ **He's Here With You**_ "  
 **Sung to the tune of  
"He Lives In You"  
From Disney's **_**The Lion King 2**_

 _Sitting here, I am surrounded by flowers, blossoming with the benevolence you shared throughout your life. A reminder of the love you brought to so many. Each petal symbolizing your kindness and remarkable charm. Each stamen packed with the pollen of your style and wisdom._

The grieving boy sat at the front of the funeral. Everyone's heads were down. Maybe it was them showing respect or maybe there were too afraid to look at what was coming. The coffin was pulled from the hearse by six strong men, all wearing suits. The silence dwelled as they entered the church. It wobbled as they carried it to the front and gently placed it down.

The coffin was dark stained cherry and it was perfectly polished. It had a cushioned and silky lining. It seemed inviting. It was good to know that at least his father was resting in a comfortable place.

The shattered child sat rigidly in his seat, unable to reciprocate the unfamiliar but not unwelcome feel of Raymond Shields' consoling arm around his shoulder the whole time. On his other side, Detective Tyrell Badd discreetly wiped a stray tear onto his sleeve and rested the other burly arm around the back of the boy's chair, trying to maintain the stern dignity of his office but unable to suppress his emotions any better than the late lawyer's subordinate.

Miles kept it together until they passed a picture of Gregory to everyone and that's when all the memories came flooding back like a tidal wave. His father's face seemed so alive and happy and he couldn't help but wonder what he looked like under that closed wooden box. He stared blankly at it, hoping in vain that a miracle would happen and he would rise again and come back to the world, come back to him.

But nothing happened.

Gregory Edgeworth was gone.

 _It's crazy how things can turn upside down for you. You see the person every day and suddenly, they're gone and when they go, a part of you goes with them too. Who knows where Father is going to end up, or if there even is a heaven? I like to believe that the place is inviting and calm and there's nothing but good in it;_ _that he's with Mother again, so hopefully that means he's happy…_

When the tears came, hot and endless, Miles knew they were for himself too, for the child that would now be forced to become an adult overnight; for the pain entering his world without the decency to knock first.

He pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket and mopped his face so he wouldn't be a total mess. Somehow, he managed to make it through the service without making a complete scene, but as soon as it was over, he was overwhelmed with his grief and rushed to the empty men's room, where he leaned against the sink and sobbed as though his heart was breaking.

 _I never experienced grief this bad before. It all started when I lost my Mother. It sneaked up on me quietly and took me under its arms in an instant. But I was only five at the time, almost too young to remember her, so it still didn't feel as bad as this._

The awful hollowness, the waves of wretchedness threatened to engulf his mind, body and soul as the salty tears flowed unchecked from his eyes, down his round cheeks.

 _This is so much worse because since we lost Mother, all I had was Father. It was just the two of us, and it was good. He loved me, and I loved him. I am lost because I lost an even bigger part of me. My world and my hero. I was going to grow up and be just like him! Now, every memory plays like a song in my head, repeating itself for what seems like forever. I can't get that part back and I want it so bad as my life depended on it but it is all gone, vanished in thin air…_

"Oh, Father!" He sobbed. "Father, why did you leave me?!"

"Miles?" A soft voice came from behind him.

It was Raymond. The boy hadn't even noticed Gregory's assistant's presence – he'd been too lost in his own misery.

"I'm so sorry, Miles," The young man lamented, squatting down so the boy could see the lachrymose dark eyes. "This is such a terrible loss. I didn't know your old man as long as you did, although it was long enough to know he was a great man. But as much as I adored him, he was _your_ father, and there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. However, just know while it's OK to be sad, also try to remember that if you keep Gregory in your heart, he'll still be alive inside _you_. He lives in you. And even though you may feel like he's gone, as long as you keep his memory alive, he's here with you…."

* * *

In the name of, in the name of father  
In the name of, in the name of father

In the name of, in the name of father  
In the name of, in the name of father

* * *

Fight! In these moments of strife.  
World crashing  
All around you  
(Yes, it's hard)  
All around you

* * *

So much grief, and you're only a child  
Sorrow  
All around you  
(Yes, it's hard)  
All around you

* * *

Everywhere that you go  
Every step he'll guide you

* * *

Weight of your sorrow is great  
 _(All around you)_  
Boy stay strong, and keep faith  
 _(All around you)_  
 _(All around you)_  
Keep faith

* * *

It's hard,  
 _(All around you)_  
It's hard,  
 _(All around you)  
_ It's hard,  
 _(All around you)  
_ It's hard,  
 _(All around you)_

* * *

He's here with you, in memories  
From heaven he'll cheer your victories  
He'll guide your pathway to the courtroom  
With each objection; he's here with you

* * *

In the name of, in the name of father  
In the name of, in the name of father

* * *

He's here with you, in memories  
From heaven he'll cheer your victories  
He'll guide your pathway to the courtroom  
With each objection; he's here with you

* * *

He's here with you

* * *

The weight of your sorrow is great  
Boy stay strong, and keep faith  
 _(All around you)_  
Keep faith

* * *

He's here with you, in memories  
From heaven he'll cheer your victories  
He'll guide your pathway to the courtroom  
With each objection; he's with you

* * *

He's here with you, in memories  
From heaven he'll cheer your victories  
He'll guide your pathway to the courtroom  
With each objection; he's with you

* * *

In the name of, in the name of father  
In the name of, in the name of father

* * *

He's here with you

* * *

In the name of, in the name of father  
He's here with you  
In the name of, in the name of father

* * *

"I can't say when it will get better, but it _will_ get easier," Raymond promised, his arms wrapped around the weeping child in a consoling hug. "I went through this myself when I lost my own mom. I was around your age. At first, I thought grief was something bad that takes you six feet under, but I've since been learning that it's just the price we have to pay for loving someone."

Feeling slightly comforted by both the song and the commiseration, Miles closed his streaming eyes and briefly rested his head on the man's shoulder. While he returned the hug, his heart sent a silent message to his father that he now instinctively felt Gregory could hear.

 _Everything in life is recycled, or so that is what I see with these eyes. The atoms of one thing become those of another. The energy from one place becomes energy in another. So, while I have no idea where you are now, Father, or what God asked you to become next, I'm looking forward to the day when I can be with you again and I feel your love so strongly in the ether. Whether we call it reincarnation or recycling, I'm okay with whatever. You are still somewhere, out there, up there, watching over me, and that's what matters to me. And as long as I carry you in my heart,_ _you_ _are not gone - just out of reach for now. I love you, Father. Forever and always…_

* * *

 _ **bit .ly / 2MheyLm  
"He Lives in You" w/Lyrics  
**_ **Lebo M. Version** _ **  
**_ _ **Uploaded by: Lucy Disney**_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 78**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that Kristoph and Dahlia's marriage would be more like a friends with benefits sort of thing. Sure, they would live in the same house and do a select few activities together, mainly hot sex (y'know what they say, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed) and plotting murder schemes, but for the most part, they would live completely different lives- Kristoph would focus all of his time on his career while Dahlia spends all of their money on things like expensive clothes, spa trips, and cute puppies that she would name after people she despises before drowning them in a swimming pool for fun.

 **JP:** Nothing bonds two toxic people more than their shared antipathy of another person, plus the dastardly duo shares the same cowardly MO for their victims. More of a deranged marriage than an arranged marriage, really. I figure they'd probably do each other in, amidst clamoring for dominance of Satan's throne, over some ridiculous argument about which narcissistic vanity case had a better manicure, or something to that effect! 😝

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** First of all, EW! Just when I thought that nothing could be grosser than JP having Armstrong lust after Phoenix, you put that horrifying image in my head- something no one deserves to experience. Ugh, it's "Harold and Maude" all over again… Well, on the bright side, if we ever decide to do a parody of Cat Steven's "If You Want to Sing Out", then we've got a prime premise to work with. Sorry about that. I'm not angry at you in the slightest. It's just… that's… that's just one pairing that's definitely going in my top five "Ace Attorney" NOTPs list.

In regards to the premise of the song, Kristoph and Dahlia's parents arranged for them to get married for the sake of mutual benefit- the Gavin's can take advantage of the Fey's political connections so that Kristoph's father can become governor, while Morgan, and to an extent her husband, can utilize the Gavin family's good standing (mainly Koen's) in the greater Los Angeles area in order to help restore the Fey family's shattered reputation.

 **JP:** As Miles Edgeworth would say… _Ngh_! 😵Also… _Nnghuuurk_! Kristoph marry The Hair?! Aka Morgan and make the hellacious pairing of _Krogan_?! Perish the thought, milady! 😱 The concept of unholy matrimony betwixt the Satanic Succubus and the Prissy Prince of Darkness is nightmare fuel enough, no? 😨

Instead of _hail_ Dahlstoph, it's more like _hell_ (to the no!) Dahlstoph!😈 😳

That being said, I agree CT nailed Prissy's parental dynamic perfectly – I always thought his unhinged, madder than a hornet in Coke can to being told "no" was proof this was obviously not a regular occurrence, which means the creepsicle dildo had waaaaay too many hugs growing up…and the pushy, overbearing and smothering Kharmen, and to a lesser degree, Koen, explain everything! 😁

We are so fortunate to have supportive and loyal readers like you, milady! Makes Wrighting worthwhile! 😘

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** The way I see it, the marriage would start off pretty good at first. After all, Kristoph and Dahlia are both vain, psychopathic individuals who are obsessed with revenge. However, things would start to go sour pretty quickly on account of Kristoph dedicating all of his time to his work and Dahlia having to deal with Kharmen constantly calling the house on a daily basis, asking when Dahlia will give her grandbabies while vehemently insisting that her son is the embodiment of masculinity and is a beast in the bedroom- two things that Dahlia and pretty much everyone else on the planet knows are completely false.

Funny you should mention the possibility that Phoenix inadvertently wronged Kristoph before the events of Zak's trial, because that's actually my headcanon. Essentially, in my headcanon, Phoenix and Kristoph first met when the latter transferred into the latter's fourth grade class when he and his family moved to Los Angeles from San Francisco, and the former inadvertently screwed him over time and time again as they grew up. As a side note, even though Phoenix and Kristoph have a solid year age difference, in this headcanon, the latter skipped the third grade. And as for why Phoenix never really associated with Kristoph until his disbarment, just look at him. I can easily picture Kristoph being the kind of kid who wanted no friends whatsoever and dedicated all of his time to his studies.

Anyways, I don't want to give specific examples of any headcanon instances of Phoenix inadvertently wronging Kristoph since I may cover them in future fanfics, but I'll give you a little hint about one that happened when they were both students at Ivy U. Remember how Phoenix thought that Iris was Dahlia? Well, what if someone other than him and Doug was also fooled by the ruse, someone who just so happened to be dating the real Dahlia at the time and was completely livid at seeing who he thought was his girlfriend swooning all over his archenemy and making the man these elegant meals while she could even properly a glass of ice water for him?

 **JP:** I also love crack pairings! I have written stories and even a one-shot about the Ultimate Sub Adrian, and ultimate Dom, Mr. Chains himself, Simon! Also, I giggle maniacally at the pairing of Charley the plant and Apollo and although I write them as a precious, chaste, Disney pairing, I'm a huge fan of Pearl Fey and Luke Triton! Dalhstoph is just perfection … makes me wonder how The Coolest Defense in the West is handling the eternal flames of Hades aka their final destination? The fact that you're into this pairing so much makes me think the two of us should get together and write the ultimate crack pairing fanfiction...I mean one of them has Lady Macbeth for a mother so this shizz will Wright itself! 😉

 _ **Hellspawn! The Untold Dahlstoph Story!**_

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Frankly, I think Dahlia would get the short end of the stick in that relationship. Sure, Dahlia's a scheming, sociopathic demon of a person, but Kristoph is all that in addition to being unrivaled in regards to being paranoid and cunning. Knowing Kristoph, he would make sure that any beverages or foods he consumes are prepared by him and/or trusted chefs at select restaurants at every step of the process. In addition if someone offers him a beverage or such, Kristoph would be the kind of person to either lie and say he's not thirsty or would swap his item with theirs the second they're not looking.

As for Kristoph's offense, while he is most infamous for his poison stamp and fingernail polish methods, he will only utilize such means when there's no way he would become a suspect under normal means. Sure, the Mishams were a bit… eccentric, to say the least, but to the world, they were just a family of reclusive artists. So if they were found dead without a trace of evidence, would anyone's first suspect be a renowned defense attorney?

So with that in mind, if Kristoph wanted to kill Dahlia, he would do so in a way that's simple, direct, and efficient- similar to what he did with Zak. That way, he could easily contain the crime and cover up any evidence without having to worry about so many loose ends. That's why I believe that Kristoph's plan would be as such: On the week of the murder, he would arrange it so that he'd be working multiple cases simultaneously for two reasons- to ensure that Dahlia wouldn't be suspicious with him not coming home until the early hours of the morning, and to give himself a reasonable alibi as to why he'd be out so late. Then, on the night of the murder, Kristoph would sneak into the apartment and, after ensuring that Dahlia was asleep, would stealthily slit her throat. Upon being sure that his wife is dead, Kristoph would wrap the body in the bed's sheets and place it in a large suitcase before cleaning up any stains and replacing the now-missing sheets with a spare set that he bought for just such a scenario. Then, it would just be a matter of putting the body in his trunk and driving someplace where he could dump it and be sure that it wouldn't be found, such as Eagle River.

Ok, things are getting real dark real fast. I guess I've spent too much time writing for Kristoph and Blaise. So let's move onto something lighter.

When it comes to my OCs for Kristoph's parents, Koen is definitely the lesser of two evils. Sure, Koen's a bit frugal and is a little too devoted to Willow Oaks Country Club, but compared to Kharmen, who is essentially Kristoph if he was an Apache attack helicopter mom with no emotional restraint whatsoever, he's a saint. So with that in mind, before people start going around logging Koen's forest, they should salt Kharmen's field with about ten Dead Seas' worth of salt- i.e. about a tenth of the amount of salt that Eldoon uses over the course of a single day.

 **JP:** Yup, Dahlstoph… these two deserve each other. Makes me almost ship The Hair who hath unleased Satan's Succubus like a plague upon the world to be shipped with Blaise Debeste - if only because I know he's a pyromaniac who fittingly wears devil red to bolster his already sinister persona, and he's sadistic enough to probably set her pride and joy mane, aka the whole bird's nest, afire… just cuz! 😈

Well,inasmuchas I like to think some cows are meant to give sour milk no matter how sweet the grass they've been fed on, in some cases, it seems the whole herd was serving nothing but curdles from the get-go! Ergo, I have no idea how his doppelgänger brother came out as the benevolent bovine – but then again, my mom always said all fingers [on the hand] are not created equal… I will add the mystery to the deck alongside how Franny is such a beauty when her father was Count Farkula! 😝

Huge Mel Brooks fan (remember my TE OC minster, Reverend Paesano, who was modeled after the legendary comic genius himself, both in appearance and speech manner?) though I've not seen _Spaceballs_ yet. It's on the list though! 😊

I did not know Walken unnerved the eccentric director! That's about as ridiculously hilarious as finding a vampire faints at the sight of blood – ergo no human blood banks for them; it's feeding off the hoof or bust! 😆

If you saw _Sleepy Hollow_ , you'd get why – as the headless horseman, he was scarier beyond all reason…. when he got his damn head _back_! 😱

Burton is an acquired taste, like sweet bread – either you appreciate that weirdness of the food itself and appreciate the irony of the name – since, of course, it is neither sweet nor bread! – and take a bite into it with a vague idea of the bizarreness of what you're sinking your teeth into and either embrace it, or sun away screaming at the mere notion like me, and nooooooooope your way out of there! To add some more twisted shizz to the mix, I personally am warped enough to enjoy Burton (there's some latent darkness within the writer behind all the AA fluff writing, pal – i.e. I thought the dark comedy _Heathers_ was the funniest movie ever!) but run away screaming from even the notion of sweet bread! 😜

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** While the arrests of those characters that you've previously mentioned have undoubtedly impacted the "Ace Attorney" legal world- especially in regards to those of Manfred, Gant, and Blaise- I don't believe that they contributed to the Dark Age of the Law any more than those of any other criminal. You see, the reason why the Dark Age of the Law came about was because people didn't know who to believe anymore. Sure, Gant, Manfred, and Blaise were all legal legends, but at least in the case of the latter two, they made no effort to hide their villainous nature. For goodness sake, Manfred would usurp the judge in every trial he was prosecuting and Blaise was more than happy to tell a prosecutor working for Interpol, a judge, and the nine other members of the P.I.C. about how he would abuse the plea bargain system on a regular basis.

And as for the other people you mentioned, such as Godot, Yew, and Roland, sure, we the players get to know them as characters, given our unique perspectives as overseers of sorts, but what about the standard citizen or defense attorney? Are they going to care if some coffee-obsessed freak in a mask that prosecuted a grand total of three cases was charged with homicide? Or a prison warden who went off the deep end and murdered one of her prisoners? Or some smuggling ring spy who killed two people, committed arson, and held a girl hostage? Granted, people would probably be bit shaken up upon hearing the news, but like in real the real world, they would get over it rather quickly and write off all of them, as well as Manfred, Gant, and Blaise, as just a few rotten apples.

However, Phoenix and Simon's cases really rattled the public because they were so unexpected. For Phoenix, he had spent three years building this reputation of being the guardian of truth, the man who stands up for the innocent and helpless no matter how daunting things get, and someone who isn't afraid to take a stand against powerful corrupt individuals like Manfred and Gant. Heck, Phoenix was even willing to have his own client declared guilty for the sake of the truth. So with that in mind, Phoenix was one reason, along with the others that were previously mentioned, as to why the Dark Age of the Law didn't happen sooner. After all, why should people distrust the legal system when someone like Phoenix Wright is there to keep things in check?

But when Phoenix was caught using forged evidence and was disbarred, that trust that the public had for him was utterly shattered and their worlds shaken. If Phoenix Wright, this bastion of truth and righteousness, was capable of stooping to forging evidence for the sake of winning, then who could be trusted? Furthermore, who's to say that Phoenix hadn't been forging evidence since his first case and Zak's trial happened to be when his luck ran out?

As for Simon, while his arrest probably had less overall impact than Phoenix's disbarment, it still turned plenty of heads since he was the first prosecutor (at least as far as we know) who was convicted for murder who was young, relatively innocent-looking, and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. I mean, which one of these is not like the others: a prosecutor in his early 20's who goes to court with a hawk and has the occasional snarky comment, a prosecutor who looks and dresses like Dracula and constantly proclaims that he is perfection incarnate, or a prosecutor who wears red leather, a skull belt buckle, and motorcycle goggles and takes every opportunity he can to verbally abuse his son and/or talk about how he makes people "disappear"?

If Dahlia said that line about Kristoph not being a man, Kharmen would have went on a rampage in the form of lecturing her for hours on end- and this is Kharmen we're talking about, so it would literally be hours- about why Kristoph is the epitome of masculinity.

 **JP:** This is why I love chatting with our readers- so much fascinating perspective! I agree with the speculation that the whole Masters case was the origins of the tragic DL-6 if not the base foundation that helped usher in the Dark Age of the Law, but it never occurred to me to think the arrest of my fave Detective, and all those other AA1 and AA2 events you cited would be a part of it, too!

At least I have the solace of knowing his fate wasn't bleak from the end of Miles 1, as Uncle Badd was roaming free and chatting with Uncle Ray (who more than likely kept him out of jail!) at the end credits of Miles 2! 😊

 _Let us rage. I do not have a pitchfork at my disposal, so let us storm Capcom HQ with blazing torches and rusty gardening tools!_

I will give pyromaniac Blaise a run for his money with my flamethrower if they dare snuff out the last DILF standing or do something else dumb like being back Wocky Kitaki instead of Franny and/or Gummy! 😆

I actually loved the whole Khura'in foreign land part of SOJ, and if Polly is still there come AA7, so be it – I am FINE with a split storyline with him being there and Nick and Athena in Japalifornia! 😊

As much as I loved a lot of SOJ my second fave game after T & T, yes, they did some bad rehashing of used plot points that were more like bad regurgitation, like having Maya be accused of murder THEN kidnapped in the same game ala JFA, but not show Nick's development since then. Don't even get me started on Melsa being a poor man's Miles with his SL…or Phoenix's idiot assistants and their lie detecting powers not picking up something was amiss with their boss! Athena worse than Polly, since Nick may not have physically twitched, as he perfected his AJ poker face… so she SUCKS HARDER THAN A DYSON for not hearing his anguished heart!

 _This chapter is hilarious! I can picture Satan's Succubus and Prissy Krissy meeting up with Dahlia remarking "Mom, that is a girl. I am looking for a man!" Much to Kristoph's chagrin._

Hee!

Yeah, this is the part where we have a Mulan crossover and Li Shang shakes his head at Prissy Krissy and decrees: "Not even _I_ can make a man, out of _you_!"

The true question about Dahlstoph and their inevitable spousal homicide attempts is this: Who would be successful first, and why? 😉


	80. Traitors

_CT: To all the readers who requested "Savages", to quote the original song, "This will be the day." This parody was so much fun to write, not only because the song's got a lot of energy to it, but because it gave me a chance to include Inga and all of his marital problems. With how one-sided Inga and Ga'ran's marriage was, I wouldn't put it past him to do something like this just to avoid the wrath of his black widow. And for those of you wondering, this parody takes place in an alternate universe where Inga and Ga'ran decide to take out their anger regarding Phoenix acquitting Maya by slaughtering each and every last rebel._

 _JP: Kudos to my co-pilot as in this case, he's taken one of the most racist songs in Disney history from one of my least fave movies… and made it even better than the original with his trademark punny wit – no small feat, considering there was nothing amusing about plight of those Defiant Dragons! This one's for_ _ **Morally Draconequus**_ _and JusticeForNoONe_

 _New month – new theme! Let's call it Edgy August – not because they're a certain Prosecutie Centered but because even this lone Disney entry has a bit of edginess to it – look out for an eclectic mix coming your way this last (for me, anyway_ _!) glorious month of summer!_

* * *

" _ **Traitors"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Savages" from  
Disney's **_**Pocahontas**_

 **Part 1**

 _Inside the Khura'inese throne room, Ga'ran stands on the raised portion of the room in front of her golden throne, towering over each and every member of the secret police standing at attention in neat, orderly columns. And while the secret police are awaiting their queen's orders with the greatest respect, Inga, who's standing by his wife's side, is rolling his eyes and shifting his body back and forth, wanting nothing more than to run away from his wife- an attitude which has not gone unnoticed by the spider queen, earning him a subtle, yet painful, slap behind the head._

 _ **"I know that asking you to act refined is like asking you to know how to pleasure a woman, but try to look like a respectable man in front of the secret police**_ _." Ga'ran growls in whispers into her husband's ear._ _ **"It makes me look bad!"**_

"Trust me, that ship's long since left the harbor." Inga whispers back with a sneer on his face. "Why do you think they're so loyal to me? I tell them everything you do to me and threaten them that they'll suffer the same fate if they screw up, see?"

 _ **"Yes, but little do those officers realize that they'd all be an improvement over the disappointing two minutes I get on Mr. Inga's Not-So Wild Ride."**_

 _ **"Like you're one to talk? Doing it with you is like riding the Haunted Mansion- cold and scary. Hell, I train new officers by showing them an internet video of the Haunted Mansion ride to show them the extents I go to serve this country."**_

 _ **"Well, if you fail to rile up those officers into mounting a full-scale attack on Dhurke's base of operations, you can expect a visit from the Haunted Mansion tonight."**_ _Ga'ran whispers with a sinister purr, pushing Inga forward by slapping his rear with a sultry grin._

 _ **"Members of the Secret Police, lend me your ear!"**_ _The Minister of Justice proclaims, earning the attentive stares of his subordinates._ _ **"As you know, these past couple of weeks have been a dark time in our nation's history. For over two decades, the DC Act has protected Khura'in and her people against the debauchery, the duplicity, and the dastardly tricks employed by defense attorneys. But recently a defense attorney from the west has rolled into our nation and, like a dark cloud that blocks out the sun, stole warmth and happiness from our fellow citizens' lives, replacing them with the coldness of fear and doubt after he defied the Princess' Divination Séance and lied his way to victory not once, but twice. And if it wasn't bad enough that he made you- Khura'in's bravest and most devoted of citizens- look like mindless mooks by acquitting those you've arrested using only the finest logic and investigation techniques, but he had the gall to drag Rheel Neh'mu's name through the mud by depicting him as a villain and a thug! That vile snake of an attorney keeps preaching on about justice, but did he show any justice to Neh'mu?!"**_

 _ **"NO!"**_ _The officers yell in unison at the top of their lungs, some holding a fist up in anger._

 _ **"You're damn right he didn't! Neh'mu was a good man, a loyal man who bled purple and emerald-green just like you, me, and every other upstanding Khura'inese citizen! Who'd work in the latest hours of night and into the wee hours of morning when everyone else was asleep? Neh'mu! Who helped to reduce police casualties by 20% by taking care of the more violent Defiant Dragons? Neh'mu! Who, on first day on the job came in to the Ministry of Justice with several boxes of magatah'men and a nice note wishing everyone a nice day? Neh'mu! And this same man died as honorable as he lived- trying to take out a rebel that invaded the clergy! So are you boys ready to roll up your sleeves and give those Defiant Dragons what for!?"**_

 _Inga pauses for a moment as the room fills with the excited and angry clamoring of the many police officers._

 _ **"Good to hear. Because we just got word from one of our boys on the inside that Dhurke's been getting bold as of lately and decided to attack the city and assassinate Her Eminence in the process!"**_ _The minister snarls, glowering at the crowd as he squeezes the life out of his cigar stamp._ _ **"But thankfully, Dhurke's overconfidence has gotten the best of him since he told all of his fellow rebel scum- including our spy- at their main base in the mountains. So early tomorrow morning, we're gonna go out there and beat Dhurke to the punch with a little attack of our own!"**_

 _Seeing that the officers are clearly riled up, Inga decides to fan the flames of rage with a musical number._

* * *

 **{Inga}  
** But what did ya expect  
From a scheming defense attorney?  
This is what you get when you hesitate to strike 'em down!

At the Holy Mother's name they hiss,  
Discord's their only bliss!  
We must stop them to defend the Crown!

* * *

 _{Secret Police}_  
They're traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 **{Inga}**  
Not good enough to lick my boot.

* * *

 _{Secret Police}_  
Traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 **{Inga}**  
Rid them from the nation's boarders!  
They don't think like us,  
Which mean that they're no good.  
We follow the Holy Mother's orders!

* * *

 _{Secret Police}_  
They're traitors!  
Traitors!  
Damn dirty dragons!

* * *

 _ **{Inga and Secret Police}**_  
We'll kill 'em for the Holy Mother!

* * *

 _Though little do Inga and Ga'ran know, one of the officers present is actually a spy for the Defiant Dragon, who's been sending the audio of Inga's speech and song back to Dhurke and the other rebels via a hidden transmitter on his lapel._

* * *

 **{Dhurke}**  
I knew this day was coming,  
The police are on the warpath,  
The only thing they feel is wrath.

* * *

 _{_ _Datz_ _}_  
Under that uniform,  
There's no soul of any form.

* * *

 _{Other Rebels}_  
They're nothing but a pack of sociopaths.  
They're traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Dhurke** _ **and Other Rebels}**_  
Not good enough to wash my armband.

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
Traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 **{Dhurke}**  
Rid that spider queen from our borders!

* * *

 _{Datz}_  
They don't think like us,  
Which means they hate justice.

* * *

 **{Dhurke}**  
We follow the Holy Mother's orders!

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
They're traitors!  
Traitors!  
The royals are nutjobs,  
So we'll rid 'em for the Holy Mother!

* * *

 _ **{Secret Police}**_  
Traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 **{Ga'ran}**  
I want those heretics neutralized!

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
Traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 **{Inga}**  
Fail and Ga'ran'll have me sodomized!

* * *

 _ **{Everyone}**_  
Traitors!  
Traitors!  
Not good enough to rub my feet!  
We'll defeat them for the Holy Motheeeer!

* * *

Part 2

 _The following morning, in the mountains outside of the city, Inga and his army of police officers and Dhurke and his army of rebels converge on the site of their final confrontation, a battle to end all battles. Meanwhile, Rayfa, who insisted that she wanted to support Inga and the secret police despite his protests regarding her safety for hours on end the previous night, is watching the conflict from atop the peak of a distant mountain with a pair of binoculars, accompanied by two policemen assigned to protect her._

* * *

 **{Inga}**  
We'll be victorious today.

* * *

 _ **"Don't any of you mooks wimp out while my little girl's watching**_ _!" Inga growls at his men before looking over at Rayfa with a warm smile and waving at her, to which she responds by energetically waving back._

* * *

 _ **{Dhurke}**_  
This will be our moment of glory.

* * *

 _ **"Though try not to be too excessive while the Princess is watching."**_ _Dhurke sullenly states with the slightest hint of guilt on his face before casting a quick glance up at Rayfa, who responds by glaring daggers at the rebel leader._

* * *

 _{Dhurke and Other Rebels}_  
We'll water the grass with their tears.

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
There's not much I can do,  
But to the Holy Mother I can pray.

* * *

 _ **{Inga and Secret Police}**_  
For their crimes they must pay.

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
Holy Mother, keep my father's foes at bay.

* * *

 _ **{Dhurke and Other Rebels}**_  
The Ga'ran regime's purgatory.

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
Holy Mother, keep my father safe from harm.

* * *

 _ **{Dhurke and Other Rebels}**_  
Their screams will be music to our ears.

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
Holy Mother, please use your sway…

* * *

 _ **{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}  
**_ It's either us or them.

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
Silence my father's enemies with your charm…

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Inga** _ **, Secret Police,**_ **Dhurke** _ **, and Other Rebels}  
**_ They're all a bunch of demented, twisted…

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{Secret Police}**_  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
Tyrants!

* * *

 _ **{Secret Police}**_  
Heretics!

* * *

 **{Inga}**  
Make 'em sleep with Ga'ran!

* * *

 _ **{Other Rebels}**_  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{Secret Police}**_  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Inga** _ **and Secret Police}**_  
Show 'em no mercy!

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Inga** _ **, Secret Police,**_ **Dhurke** _ **, and Other Rebels}**_  
Crush their wicked ways until they're no more!

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
I've always followed the Holly Mother's orders.

* * *

{ **Inga** , _**Secret Police**_ , **Dhurke** , _**and Other Rebels**_ }  
We follow the Holy Mother's orders!  
Traitors!  
Traitors!  
We'll crush them for the Holy Mother!  
Traitors!  
Traitors!

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Inga** _ **, Secret Police,**_ **Dhurke** _ **, and Other Rebels}**_  
This is what happens when you show mercy to one another,  
So we follow the Holy Mother's…

* * *

 _{Rayfa}_  
Can this conflict be put to rest by the Holy Mother's…?

* * *

 _ **{**_ **Inga** _ **, Secret Police,**_ **Dhurke** _ **, and Other Rebels}  
**_ Orders!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 79**

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Thanks for the kind words! 😊

It's interesting about how different people see the DGS characters when it comes to being related to the current Ace Attorney cast, I've always thought possibly because I love the bromantic parallel of Ryu and Asougi being like that of Wrightworth, but Miles could be an ancestor of the best friend of Phoenix's great-grandfather. The other reason for that is because of the whole parallel murdered father/prosecutor storyline and with the beautiful fan art of scene of them side by side looking very similar with their poses and beautiful angular features! There are no words to describe how satisfying von Karma's downfall was… But I imagine it felt like a stake to the heart! 😏

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that after Edgeworth's philosophical renaissance, his disposition and methods were closer to that of Barok van Zieks than his father on account of how he became a stern-faced truth-seeker who dresses like a vampire with an unrivaled air of smug and dishes out snarky comments by the metric ton. Heck, now that I think about it, the only real difference between Edgeworth and Barok is that the latter wore black and decided to be unfashionable by wearing a prosecutor's badge on his lapel.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Uncle Ray is awesome I wish he could have been the first game which was more widely known by the Western world! That being said when it comes to romantic backstories since he's one of the few characters in video games is actually allowed to have a love life… Professor Layton would have to win I cannot imagine how gut-wrenching it would be tough to say goodbye to love your life not once but twice!

This particular ditty to me, is like a lot of tunes out there - seems to mask the more somber/sad meaning behind an up-tempo beat - two really good examples of this are by the iconic bands Queen and Journey, with their respective songs _Somebody To Love_ and _Ask The Lonely_ … Both of them about heartache and loneliness and loveless nests, masqueraded by the killer voices of the lead singers and a crazy piano/guitar in the background. Disney is very good at doing this they give you beautiful songs like this particular one… And I will give them credit for it is so busy focusing on the beauty of the song that you forget the reason _He Lives In You_ is because he is no longer with you on earth. I need to run a poll on my profile about which character the readers think Ace Attorney have suffered the most… Between Edgeworth and Apollo and Maya… I'm not sure who would win and then for good measure let's throw in Phoenix, Godot and Franziska and Athena… surely, they would get honourable mentions! Why? Because Capcom loves winking up into a pool of their fans' tears!😪 Curious which one has your vote milady by the way! 😊

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that Edgeworth's more similar to Batman than Layton. After all, both Edgeworth and Bruce are rich, handsome men who fight crime while wearing ridiculous outfits by primarily using their intelligence, have a young, upbeat, athletic sidekick and a loyal manservant with unwavering loyalty, and are able to attract nearly every woman in their respective universes without even trying.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** Miles needs a hug indeed – but he's such a not tactile man I wonder if he'd let you? Just like Franziska it's like the ones who needed the most are the ones most likely to rebook it whereas I know that Phoenix and Maya would be wonderful huggers which is probably why I love them so much they would embrace the embracing! 💖

 **CT:** Unfortunately for you, if you want to hug Edgeworth, you'll have to get in line behind Oldbag, Paups, Roland, and the thousands of other women that he has inspired frothing desire from over the years. Though on the bright side, the line to hug Phoenix is drastically shorter. You'll just have to wait until JP's done squeezing the life out of him. … Actually, on second thought, you'll probably have better luck with Edgeworth.

 **JP:** Now then, addressing my hilarious copilot's accurate summary of how it would be easier to get to the questionably shorter line to hug sexy Phoenix than Miles because it would mean having to get past yours truly, his Ace fangirl who would be hanging on to both the DILF's butt cheeks in a nice wholesome squeeze and just not being able to _let it go_ until pried away with a crowbar/Taser… 😂

It does make me wonder what it is about the austere Prosecutie that creates such obsessive frothing desire from the female masses, especially Oldbag? Did he Simba her Nala?!😜

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** _Disculpe_ about the visor – _again_! - Señor Java! However, thank you for the comedic imagery of Detective Badass playing the (bongo) drums! That being said, for some reason if I had ever pictured Tyrell Badd jamming on any sort of instrument, for some reason I thought it would be to the rap tap tapping tune of _I Want Candy_! 😝

 **CT:** And in that scenario, Badd's would be using two gigantic lollipops as drumsticks while maintaining his stern expression.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! Better late than never!First of all, I'd like to give my partner major kudos for coming up with yet _another_ sidesplitting name for DeWorste prosecutor in the series in his comment below. And seeing as how Nosferatu has the emotional range of a watercress sandwich and treated his own beautiful daughter like a redheaded stepchild, it's a good thing Uncle Ray was there to save the day…❤ as much as one could brighten up things for a child was father has just been murdered and would then going to be raised by his father's murder because Capcom is more twisted than a pretzel in a tornado when it comes to torturing beloved characters!😵

 **CT:** Because this is "Ace Attorney" we're dealing with, a series that leaves no one unscathed- whether it's after seeing Godot's tragic past in "Trials and Tribulations", Phoenix become a hobo in "Apollo Justice" (though for some people, that one's not entirely bad), or Apollo being ripped away from the Anything Agency by Prosecutor Flutterdull. As for Manfred, if the guy's incapable of being nurturing towards his youngest daughter who thinks the world of him, what hope does the son of his most despised enemy have?

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I didn't really care much for The Lion King 2 as a sequel overall but this song was definitely a moment of saving grace! Also, I think part of Edgeworth's allure is the fact that he has this lofty exterior that hides a battered soul but beautiful heart beneath everything but he's like a lost sheep who only finds his path because of his heart of gold best friend who never gave up on him saved his soul. I actually think the Wrightworth bromantic arc of the Ace Attorney series is the most compelling whether you ship them romantically or not. It certainly explains why Miles is so devoted to Phoenix and has chartered a jet for him not once but twice… How does one put a price tag on the man that's helped set you on the right path in life and saved your soul from the dark side?

I don't know much about the languages spoken in Africa but having seen the play I can vouch that Swahili is actually very pleasant along with the accent itself to the ear, and I'm happy that you thought I did the song justice considering the lyrics were largely in the foreign-language that I had to parody. Thank you so much for the kind words, bud. ❤😘

 **CT:** Knowing Gregory, even though Edgeworth was pushed away from the path of truth and justice by a psychotic perfectionist, he would be happy that his son eventually found his way and had arguably surpassed him as a warrior of truth and justice. After all, it was Edgeworth who managed to uncover the truth behind the IS-7 incident. However, I think that Gregory would have a few things to say in regards to how his son dresses like a flamboyant vampire.


	81. Señor Godot

_JP:_ _This goes out to my good friend Godot – er, SeñorJava, aka loyal reader/FF writer,_ _ **ForGreatCoffee**_ _. It seems only fitting that the unforgettable man behind the mask would get to be the parody inspiration about a song that was apparently (EW!_ _) a warning about STD's and the consequences of too profligate with the panty-dropping…_ 😱

 _But let's face it, the prosecutie with the most epically, sax-y mood music in the series has probably been responsible for creating some frothing desire in the female masses himself!_ 😈 😉

 _CT: After reading this parody for the first time, I couldn't help but picture Godot's smug face as he enjoys the sight of Phoenix drenched with burning coffee. Though now that I think about it, this would be a good theme song for Godot. Sure, few songs can top "The Fragrance of Dark-Colored Coffee", but JP's parody gets the job done pretty well. After all, one of Godot's main shticks was scalding Phoenix with his coffee, and the spiky-haired attorney didn't know where this mysterious new prosecutor came from._

* * *

 _ **Señor Godot**_ **  
Sung to the tune of  
Rednex's "Cotton Eye Joe"  
from the movie **_**The Negotiator**_

"Sweet tickling fartscuttles, Nick!" The concerned Maya exclaimed to the defence attorney as soon as the court had adjourned that day in the trial of Ron DeLite (a.k.a. Mask DeMasque). "Are you alright?! Do we need to get you to a hospital to make sure you don't have third-degree burns on _your_ mug from that _jerk-face's_ mug?!"

"I'm fine, Maya," Phoenix assured his anxious assistant, shoving away the ice-cold can of Coke his friend was frantically rubbing against his cheeks and chin. "If I can survive a fire extinguisher to the head and the extra salty noodle special at Eldoon's stand without expiring, a little bit of java sure isn't going to kill me!"

"Fine, Old Man, have it your way then. If you _insist_ on being macho about needing any first aid treatment… No sense in wasting the best thing to come out of that vending machine since Swiss Rolls!" The spirit medium shrugged and snapped open the tab of the pop can, then frowned as though another thought had hit her. "Still…you should _really_ at least go stick your face into a drinking fountain though! You're supposed to _immediately_ apply cold water to a burn to keep it from blistering and getting worse!"

"I am not subjecting this face _or_ this suit to any more beverages, hot or cold! I swear, I'm fine, Maya." The spiky-haired man grimaced at the discoloured handkerchief he'd shoved in his pocket to mop up the aftermath of the latest hot beverage assault by the acrimonious masked prosecutor. "This hanky… Probably not so much though. I think it's a goner. It will never be white again because no amount of bleach in the world is going to get out such dark coffee stains!"

"The nerve of that _bag with which one douches_!" Maya fumed, clenching her fists. "Why does he hate you so much, anyway?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"Did you make _yo mama_ jokes or pour sugar in his gas tank?"

"What the _– NO_! I've never laid eyes on that man before in my life!"

"You wouldn't know it, evidenced by the animus oozing out of his pores when he's around you – because Godot certainly acts as if _he_ knows _you_!"

"I wish I had a clue about whatever I've done, or what he _thinks_ I've done!" Phoenix shrugged helplessly.

"Well if you never dissed him, or somehow ran over his goldfish…I'm more lost than last year's Easter egg about this hate-boner he's got for you!" The psychic tapped thoughtfully at her chin. "I mean, his last scalding words to you before leaving here today were: ' _your defence was weaker than decaf, Trite! Run along and die now!'_ So, what's up his dick hole?!"

" _I_ know as much about the mysterious Latino as _you_ do," Phoenix sighed. "The man is not only a redoubtable opponent in court but an absolute enigma. I'd love to know even the basics about that man, like: _where did he come from_?"

"And after court… _where did he go_?" Maya wondered. "Where _did_ you come from, Señor Godot?"

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 _ **{Maya}**_

He chugs that java, he don't care if it's warm  
And seems to hate you with a force that is strong  
His words are weapons; wields his mug as his gun  
Making you squirm is his idea of good fun

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{** _ **Maya**_ **}**

Revenge is on what he seems to be bent  
His coffee metaphors don't ever get spent  
He acts like someone who you really should know  
Clueless of the masked man that is known as Godot

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

 **{Phoenix}**

Scalded by this man I don't know  
Like he knew me a long time ago  
Why does he loathe the sight of me so?  
What is your deal, Señor Godot?

* * *

"We may never find out his deal." Maya seemed chagrined but then eyed him dubiously. "You _sure_ you don't owe him money or something?"

"Heck no!" He goggled at her in disbelief. "Jeez, what's the matter with you, Maya? Of course not!"

"Swear on a stack of bibles?" She eyed him skeptically. "No need to act proud with _me_ – I've seen you drooling in your sleep! I can totally loan you some if need be, since I know you're always broke …"

"I never have any money because _I'm_ always buying copious amounts of burgers for _your_ countless stomachs!" He scowled at her. "Although as it turns out you've somehow got enough money to lend, I may just let you buy us both lunches for the next round or three… _hundred_!"

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 79**

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** my wishlist, if they were to do an Ace Attorney Investigations game, at the very least would be to stop treating Phoenix like Voldemort and actually say his name! Plus, it would be great to see Kay and Shields and Sebastian, of course, _Detective Badass_ again! (neutral about Lang, sorry!) Bring back Franny and Gummy… I think those are the top two on most fans' wish lists for reoccurring characters to make a comeback based on what I've seen!

Regarding PIC… I don't recall it ever being mentioned again in the whole series… Did it just dissolve entirely after Blaise got arrested? Or I wonder if that's just the first thing Miles did and he became Chief prosecutor?

I agree with you about the Ace Attorney cast being a fun one to speculate and feeling like their friends… It blows me away in the last four years how many wonderful people I have befriended and had wonderful conversations with all because of our shared passion for adorkable attorneys and friends!

I am perfectly fine with them doing a game similar to Spirit of Justice that divides the time between Apollo and Phoenix… Athena really needs better character development after they did to her in Spirit of Justice but I really did love the game overall and in keeping my fingers crossed for news at the Tokyo Game show whenever that is! I've heard anything about Ace Attorney seven since the announcement that we allegedly would get news in 2019 but I do remember them saying Phoenix would still be a playable character and I don't care if I'm in the minority in a world of Apollo lovers… Keep my feet from dancing at the prospect!

You claiming that the poisonous pairing of Kristoph and Dahlia would have a good ship of _Krislia_ as it feels like some gremlin hag thing made me giggle maniacally, since she's now in hell at Satan's mercy and he's in prison, in both cases we could call them a couple of c*ck gobblin' c*ck goblins!😈

Sorry, I tended to associate goblins and hag's and goblins oh my!😜

I'm very grateful to SOJ for giving us Dhurke, and although I hate Apollo Justice game, for giving us DILF Feenie who did the best he could being the best adoptive hop on pop he could be given his circumstances, but will never forget Gregory Edgeworth, the crème de la crème in the otherwise sea of cesspool parents, mothers and fathers alike! Arguably the best biological dad of all! He was such a wonderful character, and his death affected the most lovable prosecutor in the series so deeply, I had to pay it some sort of homage. Thank you so much for your kind words dear reader! ❤

 **CT:** In regards to the Chief Prosecutor after Lana and the Chief of Criminal Affairs, I think that they're more clueless than corrupt. For the former, considering how much sway Blaise had in the Prosecutor's Office, I believe that he quite likely had a hand in choosing him as the next chief prosecutor, and knowing how the ex-P.I.C. Chairman was, he wouldn't have put someone as conniving as him in a position of power. After all, it's better to have someone who'll create the occasional mess that you have to clean up, but is loyal to you, than someone who's capable, but ready to betray you at a moment's notice. And as for the latter, just look at him. The Chief of Criminal Affairs is essentially Gumshoe with access to cable television.

Not only would another "Investigations" game be a good idea for the reason you've just stated, but it would also allow us to see just how corrupt the Prosecutor's Office was during the Dark Age of the Law. I mean, considering how Edgeworth's efforts to clean house after Simon's acquittal created a prosecutor shortage so severe that they had to import prosecutors from other nations, I think it's safe to say that Manfred, Portsman, Blaise, and Gaspen were the only four corrupt prosecutors in L.A.

 **Chapter 80**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** While David Ogden Stiers could make for a good Inga, my personal headcanon voice for the Minister of Deliverance will always be Jim Cummings. For example, you could take pretty much any of Pete's dialogue with Maleficent from "Kingdom Hearts II" and you'd have pretty much Inga's and Ga'ran's relationship (outside of closed doors, that is) in a nutshell.

Though arguably, the Jim Cummings character that would be at the very least tied with Pete in regards to fitting Inga's personality would have to be Festus Krex from "Skyrim". The thought of Inga killing his wife over lukewarm bathwater is just too good to deny.

While Ga'ran may have created the DC Act, Inga and his secret police were the ones enforcing it. Heck, who do you think went through all of the effort of having a member of the secret police pose as a holy figure in Khura'inism? Sure, Ga'ran may have allowed the plan to be executed, and she herself has had her fair share of drastic schemes, but the blasphemous undertones and risk of serious backlash of the idea are pure Inga.

 **JP:** if you dare to read my hilarious partner's story the Imperial Daddy, (*cough*, chapter 7, *cough*) you'll know why Inga thought sleeping with Ga'ran would have been suitable punishment… It's amazing the bloodthirsty spider didn't morph into a Black widow over the years but that would've ended his suffering way too soon!😏😜

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Edgeworth may not use his foot, but he's still keeping the desk banging tradition alive and well with his palm.

Frankly, at this rate, Disney won't stop until every last film in their possession has been remade. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a trailer sooner or later for a remake of the infamous "Star Wars" holiday special. I mean, who doesn't want to see the masterpiece that is the "stir, whip, stir, whip, whip, whip, stir" scene on the big screen?

 **JP:** And I have willingly watched all of the live-action adaptions thus far… Will even go as far as to say The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin were very good, still kind of neutral about The Lion King… Liked it didn't love it good God Beyoncé is so overrated and her over singing just… Overpowered the otherwise gorgeous CGI. 😒

Poke My Hauntass… Definitely not going to be watching the remake. Thanks for that warning!

Some interesting trivia about Pocahontas… Do you know that was where the best animators actually were assigned The Lion King which blew that movie out of the water as Disney's most successful 2D movie of all time was actually the wonderful work of its B-rated animators, as they had no idea it would end up being such a big hit! 😊

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** Regarding Apollo having the worst life out of everyone in the cast, I agree with you 100%. Sure, Edgeworth, Maya, and Pearl have had their fair share of suffering, but at least there was a light at the end of the tunnel and everything's going well for all three of them now. However, as for Apollo, he was born into misery and he will die in misery. I mean, just look at Apollo's life so far: First, he was orphaned because his father just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then, after living a number of years in Khura'in, Apollo was shipped off to L.A. where he spent the rest of his childhood in an orphanage without any knowledge of his biological family. Then, in his first trial, Apollo was manipulated by his childhood hero into using forged evidence to convict his boss, thereby costing him his job and forcing him to be employed under the man who deceived him for absolutely no pay and the constant threat of death at the hands of Trucy's magic tricks. Then, Apollo was rewarded for clearing Phoenix's by the latter refusing to allow his first protégé to accompany him to the Shipshape Aquarium in favour of Athena. And to add insult to injury, Phoenix's Athena favouritism persisted in the form of him showing more concern for her and her battle to save Simon than Apollo who had just lost one of his best friends. Then, Apollo was reunited with his adoptive brother who constantly preached that he will go to Hell and/or will be reincarnated as a pepper just for trying to help Trucy get a fair trial. And now, Apollo is the sole defense attorney in Khura'in and has to do the work of a thousand men, all while having to deal with Nahyuta's preaching, Amara's apathy, and Rayfa's wisecracks.

And let's not forget Apollo's ships: Trucy (his half-sister), Athena (who has an overprotective brother figure who spent seven years in prison and has watched three too many samurai films), Pearl (who would probably snap him in half if he so much as thinks of another girl), Klavier (Apollo may have run around naked with Nahyuta when they were kids, but I don't think he swings that way), Juniper (arguably the best ship for Apollo, despite having all the personality of a stalk of celery), and Charley (an actual plant who's also Apollo's superior).

As for the picnic idea, I think that the group would have fun until Nahyuta arrives and starts ranting and raving about how picnics are putrid and how anyone engaging in such a putrid activity will spend a thousand years in the Hell of Mosquito Bites before being resurrected as a bear that's smarter than the average member of his species.

I'm sorry to hear that you're back in the hospital. Hopefully, you'll make a speedy recovery. But on the bright side, at least you're not in the Hotti Clinic with that 'director' who specializes in young, silky-smooth hottie patients.

 **JP:** Milady I am so sorry to hear that you're back in the hospital again!

I hope by the time you get this message that you're well recovered and home again where you belong!❤😘

Even though I don't think much of Braid Head and Amara, they are still family, which should be a really good soothing balm for poor Rayfa's suffering at the hands of the bloodthirsty spider in that greasy mobster want to be she called daddy… Sure Inga was nice to her but he still killed her biological father and was responsible for love the corruption in her beloved homeland so his desk would only be a minor tragedy at best! Plus, I'm sure using that staff of hers to TWHONK a certain horn headed employee to amuse herself whenever she sees fit/needs to release some steam will be all the healing she needs!

Poor Apollo…yeah, he's had to rough, but at least at home, he had a hot redhead to crack jokes with, an adoring sunflower maiden who knitted for him, and a girl he obviously adored as a sister despite her death-defying practices he endured as her reluctant assistant! Surely cleaning the toilet regularly and venting his woes to Charley the plant was still better than having a preachy adoptive brother he could no longer escape from, and the KA-TONKS to the noggin?! 😅


	82. Prosecutors & Attorneys

_CT: You know, considering how patronizing the prosecutors in the "Ace Attorney" series are, as well as how hasty the defense attorneys can be, I'm surprised that this kind of debate hasn't flared up once in a while to see which side of the courtroom is better- defense attorneys or prosecutors. Sure, the defense attorneys may bluff like there's no tomorrow and press the witnesses on every statement, but in the end, they get the job done and have saved countless innocents throughout the course of the series. However, despite that, you can't deny all badassery- nearly every bit of dialogue with Edgeworth during a trial comes to mind- and/or emotionally touching moments- Simon and Sebastian's character arcs- that the prosecutors have provided. Though considering that four of the villains in the series are prosecutors and only three are defense attorneys (I don't count Godot as either on account of him technically being both.), I think it's safe to say that the defense attorneys have the moral high ground as a whole._

 _JT: I recognized this song as it was parodied hilariously on The Simpsons but didn't know the source at the time. Being the 5-year-old that I am, the part that stood out the most in my mind was this exchange! XD_

 _ **Bart**_ _: Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!  
_ _ **Nelson**_ _: Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!  
_ _  
Ahem, anywhore… this last entry for Edgy August was on par with that parodied humour from the golden gem comedy. Also, great minds think alike… CT and I are share similar thought that Franny may be a perfectionist in the courtroom, and possibly kinky in the bedroom, but her perfection stops in the kitchen. Ima blame a lifetime of white privilege – er, having servants who did all the cooking at the Von Karma manor all her life!_

 _Which side are YOU on? Let us know who made the better musical debate!_

 _p.s. D'oh! Missed the Aug TE update - see you in September, guys!_

* * *

 _"_ _ **Prosecutors/Attorneys"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Kids"  
from the movie, **_**Bye-Bye Birdie**_

It was Athena's first Thanksgiving with the Anything Agency and she couldn't have been more overjoyed. For one thing, it was her first Thanksgiving in eight years on account of the fact that she had been living with her family in Europe. But even when she did celebrate Thanksgiving at the Space Center, it looked a bit depressing when compared to this evening.

Instead of sitting in the dimly lit Cosmos Space Center cafeteria, Athena was seated at the mahogany table in the dining area of Edgeworth's large, elegant apartment with the Chief Prosecutor, who was at one head of the table and chatting to a man seated to his left that had a goatee and was wearing a fedora. Apparently, the man's name was Raymond Shield's, a defense attorney who had actually worked with Gregory Edgeworth, the Chief Prosecutor's father- a fact that the yellow-cladded attorney learned when 'ol' Uncle Ray' introduced himself and insisted that he give her a hug. Thankfully, that endeavour quickly came to an end when Simon threatened to gut the hug-happy attorney like a fish before breaking out of his handcuffs, much to the terror of the police officers who were tasked with watching over him. Though fortunately, the officers were able to quickly slap a new stronger pair of handcuffs on the Twisted Samurai's wrists after subduing him with a jolt of electricity from the ankle brace that he was required to wear by the police.

Because of that little incident, coupled with the fact that he legitimately wanted to be near the girl that he viewed as a little sister, Simon made it a point to sit right next to Athena on her right side in order to act as a barrier between her and 'Uncle Ray'. However, based on how the Twisted Samurai was glaring at the goofy-looking prosecutor sitting across from him, it would appear that he had other objectives on his mind- objectives that could be added to his criminal record. Though based on how the other prosecutor, whose name was Sebastian Debeste, kept on rambling on and on about how _Cory in the House_ and _Seinfeld_ were two of the greatest animes ever created, despite both shows clearly being live-action, Athena couldn't really blame Simon for acting the way he was. Heck, the yellow-cladded attorney was half-tempted to thump the irritating prosecutor herself, but restrained herself due to the fact that the man was suffering enough at the hands of the silver-haired woman sitting to his left, Prosecutor Franziska von Karma, who made it a point to tell him how foolish he was as she repeatedly lashed him with her whip- actions which constantly earned her disapproving scowls from her 'little' brother who sat to her left.

However, things weren't all negative. After all, Athena was lucky enough to be seated across from the beautiful Klavier Gavin, who made it a point to flash her his winning smile throughout the entire evening as he struck up small talk with her, asking her about her interests and life. Even now, Athena couldn't believe that Klavier was formerly a world-famous rock star. He just seemed so down-to-earth and kind, contrary to a lot of guys in similar positions who flaunt their wealth and act like the world is their footstool. Heck, Klavier was willing to hold a conversation- or at least attempted to- with Sebastian, who was sitting to his left. Though instead of trying to talk about television shows, Klavier tried to shift the conversation back to their days in the Themis prosecutor's course.

So then why was it that Apollo always acted like the ex-rock star was his arch-nemesis? Heck, even now, the horn-haired attorney, who was sitting to Klavier's right, was flashing the man his typical disheartened look. Maybe it was due to the fact that guys just couldn't truly appreciate Klavier's sensitive side. After all, Trucy, who was sitting Athena's left, was more than happy to see the ex-rock star and strike up a conversation with him about magic.

And finally, at the other head of the table was Phoenix, who was less concerned about the company and more concerned about the food on the table, which he stared at with an apprehensive look, only to stop when Edgeworth shot him a glare with the slightest hint of terror.

Though it wasn't like her boss was at fault. After all, even though Athena's previous Thanksgiving meals consisted of leftover turkey sandwiches and mashed potatoes from lunch earlier that day, even she knew that the food was not supposed to look like the items spread across the table which were more akin to alien creatures than cuisine, including, but not limited to: mashed potatoes that were light-grey in color and had numerous black and orange specks, bright yellow-green gazpacho that was actively bubbling, not unlike something you'd expect to find in a witch's cauldron, and a cranberry sauce that the psychology-loving attorney could have sworn was the blob due to its crimson-red coloration, how no spoon, knife, or fork could cut through it, and how the gelatinous mass would constantly try to ooze out of its bowl. If anything, when Sebastian reluctantly tried to scoop up a bit of it and put it on his plate at Franziska's insistence, the cranberry sauce actually consumed his spoon- something that the silver-haired prosecutor attributed to her 'perfect' sauce being so rich.

Though arguably, all of the previously mentioned items were downright delectable when compared to the turkey positioned at the center of the table, making it so that no one could possibly ignore such a grievous abomination. Instead of being a delectable golden brown, the turkey had a sickly greenish-tan appearance to it; and instead of having a smooth texture, the bird's skin was covered in a scaly skin that had thin hairs cropping out from it and was covered with boils that oozed a strange green puss. And if the appearance was ugly, then the smell was outright hideous. The best way one could describe it was as if the smell of sulphur and feces had a hot, sweaty night of passion, had a child, killed that child by drowning it in the odour of burning rubber and expired Limburger cheese, and then shoved it in a coffin with the smell of old people. But despite all that, the most disturbing thing about the turkey was that if someone somehow mustered up the courage to even so much as touch it with a knife, it would shake slightly and let out a low guttural growl.

So, suffice to say, Athena couldn't help but speak up regarding the matter.

"Hey, Trucy, about the fo-"

However, before Athena could finish her question, she was immediately shushed by Trucy, Phoenix, Apollo, and Klavier.

"Sorry." The yellow cladded attorney whispered. "I was just wondering why the food looks so horrible. You'd think that a guy like Mr. Edgeworth would put a bit more pride in what he's serving."

"Trust me, Athena, if Uncle Edgeworth didn't have to serve this junk, he wouldn't, but his hands are tied," Trucy replied back in a hushed tone.

"What do you mean?" Athena asked, cocking her head to the side out of confusion as she played with her earing.

"Remember how I told you that Franziska is a bit of a perfectionist?" Phoenix replied in the same low voice.

"A little?" Simon quietly retorted in a wry tone. "What next? Are you going to say that the sun is slightly warm?"

"Ja. Or that Herr Forehead's forehead is a little large than normal?" Klavier jokingly chimed in with a whisper, earning a stink-eye from his courtroom rival.

"Ok, a lot." Phoenix corrected himself. "Nevertheless, ever since Edgeworth started having Thanksgiving here back in 2019, Franziska has insisted on handling all of the food preparations. And while she may be a very skilled prosecutor, her cooking is, well…" The spiky-haired attorney gestured to the 'dishes'.

"In that case, why doesn't Mr. Edgeworth put his foot down and stop Ms. von Karma? After all, he is her brother, and this is a party that he's hosting in his home." Athena tried to reason.

"Athena, I know you're new here, but I'm pretty sure that you noticed that Ms. von Karma carries around a whip and isn't afraid to use it when she's angry," Apollo whispers, although with his volume, it was more akin to a slightly quieter version of a regular speaking voice. "Plus, Ms. von Karma takes her cooking very personally and will try to 'convince' you to give it a second chance if you have any negative comments about it."

"Ja, like when Herr Forehead voiced that Fräuline Whippet's mashed potatoes were, and I quote, 'the worst thing that he ever put in his mouth' last year, and Fräuline Whippet… Fräuline Whippet… Fraul…" Klavier snickered, punching his leg in an attempt to contain his laughter. "Fräuline Whippet whipped Herr Forehead to the brink to unconsciousness, leapt across the table, pinned him to the ground, and started forcing those mashed potatoes down his throat with a huge spoon while yelling about how 'only a foolishly foolish fool is incapable of appreciating my perfect food'!"

"Glad to know that you're able to find humour in the fact that I was forced to eat rancid mashed potatoes that ended up giving me Hepatitis A and tetanus before completely shutting down my immune system and confining me to a bubble for a month," Apollo grumbled with crossed arms.

"What are you foolish fools foolishly whispering about?!" Franziska snarled, tugging at her whip as she glared daggers at the other end of the table. "Are you insulting my perfect food!? Are we going to have a repeat of last year, Apollo Justice!?"

"N-No, Ms. von Karma, I could never insult your wonderful mashed potatoes after you showed me the light last year." Apollo nervously replied as he pushed down his horns and started rubbing his head. "Plus, I didn't start the conversation, Athena did." The horn-haired attorney gestured over to his coworker, who couldn't help but shoot him a dirty look before attempting to save herself.

"Sorry about that, Ms. von Karma, I was…" Athena paused with saucer-sized eyes, Widget glowing yellow with shock as she tried to come up with a reasonable excuse. "Asking Trucy about her plans when she goes off to college in a couple of years. So, Truce, what are you majoring in again?"

"Theater!" Trucy chirped, prompting Franziska to burst out laughing.

"And what's so funny about majoring in the theater?" Trucy snapped, her hands placed firmly on her hips as she flashed the silver-haired prosecutor a death glare.

"Nothing," Franziska replied, trying her best to stifle her laughter. "It's just that I find it so fitting that you're foolishly following in your foolish father's footsteps by throwing your life away."

"And just what's that supposed to mean, Franziska?" Phoenix growled, flashing the prodigy prosecutor the infamous cold stare that he had developed as a poker champ.

"You know exactly what I mean, Phoenix Wright. Being a defense attorney is the biggest waste of a legal education imaginable. I mean, why foolishly waste your time defending people who may be guilty when you can be out finding the true culprit?" Franziska smirked with a waggle of her finger.

"Because you prosecutors tend to arrest the wrong person and leave us defense attorneys to clean up your messes while you do everything in your power to make our lives a living hell." Phoenix snidely retorted.

"Well, excuse us for doing our jobs, Wright," Edgeworth stated with crossed arms. "You see, when the police apprehend a suspect, it's the job of a prosecutor to use all available evidence to ensure that a potentially dangerous criminal isn't let back loose on the streets. Granted, I will admit that we can be a bit… ruthless at times- some prosecutors more than others…" The maroon-cladded prosecutor cast a quick glance at his adopted sister. "But at least we stick to the facts, instead of badgering witnesses and throwing out baseless conjecture like a bunch of uncultured heathens."

"Wait, I'm confused. Wasn't your father a defense attorney, Mr. Edgeworth?" Athena asked, cocking her head to the side as she played with her earing.

"That's what the von Karmas do to you, Thena-pie," Ray responded with a serious look on his face. "They break your spirit over an extended period of time with isolation, harsh words, and weapons. That way, they can force you to abandon your values and make you want to wear pink suits."

"For the umpteenth time, my suit is maroon! MAROON! Would it kill people to treat my attire with the respect it deserves!?" Edgeworth snarled as he slammed his fist into the table.

"I respect your suit, Mr. Edgeworth!" Sebastian chimed in.

"Edgeworth-dono doesn't want your respect, Deworste. After all, who wants respect from a little git who can't differentiate live-action from anime or tie his shoes?" Simon wryly replied.

Seeing no better method to properly channel his anger, Edgeworth settled on expressing his rage in the form of a song.

* * *

{Edgeworth}

Attorneys,

What's wrong with your kind these days?

* * *

{Simon}

Oi,

I can never understand a word they say.

* * *

{Sebastian}

Yeah,

They're inculpable, inducible tools…

* * *

{Franziska}

Yelling, lazing, dirty bluffing fools!

* * *

{Sebastian}

They act like they're so dank!

* * *

{Phoenix}

Prosecutors,

We always try to work alongside you.

* * *

{Athena}

Yeah,

But you always give us the shoe!

* * *

{Ray }  
 _* directs his gaze at Edgeworth*_

Why can't you be like your dad,

Righteous in every way?

Oh right,

He died because of Manfred and Blaise!

* * *

{Sebastian}

Hey!

Not bringing up Pops was what we swore!

* * *

{Simon }  
 _*Smirks at Phoenix_

Yes,

They're no saints when they settle scores.

* * *

{Phoenix}

Prosecutors,

You're all such a big snooty, nitpicky bunch!

Sassers, whippers, hair-splitters, salary-deniers!

* * *

"Like _you're_ any different?" Apollo snidely retorted with a disheartened look and crossed arms.

* * *

{Athena}

Prosecutors,

You don't appreciate the plights we bear!  
 _(No matter the condition!)_

* * *

{Franziska}

Ha,

Like what?

Scrounging around for bus fare?

* * *

{Apollo}

Mr. Gavin may have been psycho,

And a sociopath,

But Klavier's jokes are an endless wrath.

* * *

{Klavier}

Hey,

What can I say?

Your forehead's really big.

Plus,

You have a humorously grumpy way.

* * *

{Apollo}

Yeah, you and everyone else it seems…

What have I done to deserve this demeaning fate?

I try to keep calm, be kind to all, and be part of a team,

Yet they joke about my lack of dates.

* * *

{Klavier}

Ja,

And you also had my bro sent to jail!

* * *

{Phoenix}

Yeah,

Only 'cause you guys chose not to check his trail.

* * *

"Perhaps we would have been more inclined to help bring Kristoph to justice had you actually included us in your convoluted plan from the get-go." Edgeworth sternly replied with crossed arms.

* * *

{Sebastian}

Why are we stuck with these clowns?

Better to have Debeste!

* * *

"I'll admit that I may not be the most culp- er, capable guy out there. But at least with me, you know where I'm coming from." Sebastian stated with a confident, yet goofy grin and outstretched arms.

"Yes, and it's a place brimming with idiocrasy and irritation." Simon wryly retorted, turning his back to the naïve prosecutor.

* * *

{Ray}

Your old man loved you so much,

Yet you put that to the test.

What's the matter with prosecutors to-

* * *

"I tried, Gregory, I really did, but in the end, I failed, Miles." Ray sighed gloomily, closing his eyes as he removed his trademark fedora and put it to his chest as if in mourning.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mr. Shields. You didn't fail me." Edgeworth stated, putting a calm, yet firm hand to his father's successor's shoulder, only for it to be brushed away.

"Don't try to make me feel better, Miles. If only I had taken you in when your father was murdered instead of the vampire prosecutor who killed him… Sure, as an 18-year-old man, I wouldn't have been able to give you the lavish lifestyle you received with von Karma, but you would have been raised in a loving environment by someone who wouldn't try to brainwash you into despising the livelihood of your dearly departed father, who, by the way, thought the world of you. Not to mention, you wouldn't have been stuck with an adopted sister who won't give ol' Uncle Ray hugs and…" Ray gestured to the dishes the Franziska had prepared. "Actively tries to poison us every year with… whatever this stuff is."

Not one to take insults like that lying down, the silver-haired prosecutor proceeded to lash the fedora-wearing defense attorney with her whip before continuing with the song.

* * *

{Franziska}

Why can't you be like we are,

Not bluffing out of the blue?

{Defense Attorneys}

Why can't you just accept-

{Prosecutors}

Why can't you lot just adopt-

{Everyone}

The path that we have chosen to waaalk?!

* * *

"So, ready to admit that we're the best?" Sebastian smirked.

"No way! Our portions were clearly superior!" Athena proudly stated with a huge grin as she flashed a peace sign.

"Oh please, 'sasser', 'whipper', 'splitter'…?" Simon mockingly asked with a roll of his eyes. "Those aren't even real words! Those are things that I would expect to hear spew out of Deworste's mouth!"

"Why do you people bully me even when I do nothing wrong?!" Sebastian whimpered as he bent his baton.

"Simple. Your reactions are priceless, Herr Weinerlich." Klavier playfully chimed in, leaning forward with his winning smile. "But don't take it as an insult. On the contrary, I only act this way around people I like."

"In that case, I must be your favorite person in the whole wide world." Apollo wryly retorted with a disheartened look.

"Well I'm tired of it!" Sebastian snapped, pointing his baton at the former rock star. "I may be a bit slow and gullible, but I try my best and deserve to be treated with respect!"

"As I previously stated, why-" Simon tried to dish out one of his typical comebacks, only to be interrupted by Sebastian lashing him with his baton.

"This is what I mean! You all keep making jokes about me being stupid and unimportant- just like Pops would! So, if you wanna bully me, then perhaps I should bully you!" The naïve prosecutor seethed, trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes as he got out of his seat and picked up a large bowl of gazpacho that Franziska had prepared that was placed near his position, positioning the ladle to his right so he could easily splash the Twisted Samurai. "Want some soup?!"

"De-Dewor- er, I mean Debeste!" Simon corrected himself in a panicked voice, his eyes the size of saucers as he leaned back in his chair in order to put as much distance between himself and the deadly soup as possible. "T-There's no need to be so drastic. I was only kidding when I said those comments and feel that we can-

"Too late!" Sebastian roared as he splashed Simon's chest with a ladle full of gazpacho, causing Simon to scream in agony as the effected clothing quickly dissolved, revealing to the world the Twisted Samurai's bare chest which was starting to develop what looked to be second-degree burns.

"Cor blimey! What the hell's in that soup!?" Simon screeched through clenched teeth as he pressed his hands against the afflicted area.

"That's right! Maybe next time, you'll all think twice before making any more wisecracks at my expense." Sebastian stated with a malicious grin as he readied his weapon.

"Sebastian Debeste, cease this foolishness this instant!" Franziska snarled as she cracked the air with her whip. "That soup is meant to be enjoyed by everyone here, not used as a tool in your foolishly foolish quest for foolish retribution! Now, since it is Thanksgiving and I am feeling generous, instead of whipping you into submission here and now and risk foolishly wasting perfectly good gazpacho, if you put it down before the count of three and sit back down, you'll leave this apartment with as much blood in your body as you had when you first arrived. One…"

The silver-haired prosecutor raised a single gloved finger.

"Two…!" A second finger was raised.

"Thr- AHHH!" Franziska screamed in pain as a ladle full of her own soup was splashed in her eyes. "My eyes! My perfect eyes!"

"No soup for you!" Sebastian smirked before cocking his head to the side in contemplation. "Or maybe no soup for anyone else since you got a face full of it. Or maybe no soup for your mouth...? No soup for eating…? No, a dank anime reference like that doesn't really need to make sense. What do you think, Ms. von Karma?"

"I think I'm blind!" Franziska shrieked as she pressed her hands against her eyes, which, oddly enough, appeared to have black smoke seeping out of them.

"See? This is why I wanna major in the theater!" Trucy snapped, gesturing at the wounded prosecutors. "Sure, it might not be as glamorous as being an attorney or a prosecutor, but this kind of thing never happens when I'm on stage!"

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 81**

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** Considering the song is older than dirt, I was delighted how many readers knew the tune! Also, the idea of Godot channeling a Mexican Jake Marshall with a poncho and horse but a sombrero in lieu of a Stetson is hysterical! Cue the sunset and tumbleweeds… He won't even need a pistol because his words are faster and more deadly than any bullet!

I am so happy your home where you belong milady! May you continue to have good health! ❤

Hugs,  
JP

 **CT:** Not to mention, Jake Marshall would be ridding alongside Godot on his loyal steed, Zippy. I swear, I wouldn't be surprised if Neil and Jake were to Diego what Edgeworth and Gumshoe are to Phoenix.

I'm glad to hear that you're home and that you're feeling better! That news has really helped to brighten my day!

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** OK, the idea of Phaya cosplaying as Woody and Jessie from Toy Story is _sidesplitting_! 😂That is one helluva creative imagination you have…👍 And also makes me smile at how great minds think alike since milady Chloe said she was picturing a Western Tumbleweed cowboy Godot scene ! If I actually had the artistic skills, I would somehow make a video with Phoenix and Maya's heads over the toy characters' bodies! I can't say it's not fitting… Considering how much I ship the pairing I tend to always give Phoenix a different variation of "wood" in my stories especially ill-timed ones like in _Filling The Void_! 😈 😉

 **CT:** Great, now I can't help but imagine Maya and Trucy forcing Phoenix to take them to a convention during the time when he was disbarred. Though of course, Trucy being Trucy, she would insist that they all dress up for the event- she would be Jessie, Phoenix would be Woody, Maya would be Bo Peep, and Kristoph, who Phoenix would drag along since they were such good "friends", would be forced to dress up as Lotso on account of how he comes off as the kind of guy who always wears fruity cologne that's pretty much perfume with a picture of a buff shirtless guy on the front.

Though knowing Kristoph's luck, he'd try to sneak out by claiming that he has to use the bathroom, only to be mistaken for a care dude and dragged off kicking and screaming to a Q&A panel by a bunch of "Care Bear" fanboys, including, but not limited to: Jean Armstrong, Will Powers, and Sirhan Dogen, who broke out of prison with Simon Keyes just so they could cosplay as Good Luck Bear and Grumpy Bear, respectively.

Before you ask, in my headcanon, Dogen developed an interest in the "Care Bear" franchise after having to disguise himself as Bedtime Bear for a job. Plus, it only makes sense that I make Dogen a belly bro since I feel that Shelly is a brony with a soft spot for Fluttershy. I know, I know… my mind is a strange, strange place.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** I'm so glad you liked your request! Also, it's good to see my speculation about your whereabouts since the third game matches with yours, Señor Java! As for you coming back from the bowels of hell… It's why you're my (other) favourite badass prosecutor! I'm really happy that you at least came around to knowing your hatred for poor Trite was misplaced at the end… If I don't love you so much I would've been pretty pissed off that you trying to scald the perfect mug of my husbando with that flying mug of yours!

Phoenix can't help it he's a total mensch with a heart of gold in the pockets of a pauper… The _pro bono_ thing is not working for him at all but sometimes it can't be helped… I mean he never said he would defend Larry for free and his repayment for his kindness was a handmade clock statue that wasn't even for _him_ but instead ended being the murder weapon for the second time! As for Maya… Kinda hard to bill the one you love… Even though she _is_ his most frequent client! Sure, he probably paid her for being his assistant since she apparently had the money to lend him if need be (obviously he's paying her too much!) But since, if he built her, she would be paying him with the money _he_ gave _her_ it would literally be the equivalent, I imagine, of a housewife asking her husband for money to buy him a present! Besides, at this point, I'm sure they have some sort of "equivalency exchange" for Phoenix's endless courtroom services… Something, something… _debriefing_ …😈😝

 **CT:** The way I see it, Phoenix doesn't bill his clients on the grounds of it being meaningless. After all, what's the point of asking for money that's going to be immediately spent on hundreds of burgers in a vain effort to satiate Maya and her four stomachs?

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Punchy? Do I need to put up my dukes? 😆

Since you provide me with the kind of reviews that keep me Wrighting all these years Bud, so _I'm_ always happy to provide the laughs! As for rubbing a Coke can all over his kiss her, Maya must've had a brief lapse in judgement because she momentarily forgot but Nick is unbreakable and didn't need no stinking ice pack! Of course, the Ron DeLite case still happened before the ultimate proof of Nick's invincibility which was running across that burning bridge, in which case the spirit medium would have known that coffee to the face even the scalding Godot variety, would've been a fart in a hurricane for Wolverine! I'm wondering if Nick's suit is made of kryptonite… It never gets stained with anything, or torn to shreds from jagged rocks from raging rivers, or even remotely burnt from fiery bridges… Is the secret behind his Superman abilities that actual suit? I'm having another moment here of things that make me go hmmmm…

I know they have hot dog eating contests as well as pie eating contest but Maya could definitely wipe the floor with anybody in any sort of food eating contest … I'm thinking Samurai Dogs 😋 would be hilarious because then we also have the fear risk factor of Phoenix once again going from six to midnight seeing his assistant putting phallic shaped objects in her mouth! 😂

 **CT:** Frankly, when it comes to Maya and her voracious appetite, I wouldn't be surprised if she just punches a hole in a vending machine one day, lifts it up off of the ground, and then proceeds to dump all of the contents into her mouth like trash into a garbage disposal, only to toss the empty machine off to the side before begging Phoenix to take her out for burgers.

As for Godot, while he may not be my favorite prosecutor in the series- that title is held by Edgeworth, with Sebastian coming in a close second- I have to say that he's the only guy I can think of who's capable of turning a mug of coffee into a weapon that's on par with a whip. Heck, in the anime, Godot's even capable of making ketchup sound threatening.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I noticed the illustrious, late Beatrice Arthur, whom I adored on the _Golden Girls_ and thanks to TV reruns also knew as the only woman to ever give Archie Bunker a piece of her mind properly as cousin _Maude_ seems to make quite a few pop-culture references, _Robot Chicken_ for one, the we shall not speak of it Star Wars Holiday special and there was an early 90s movie with Brendan Fraser called _Airheads_ , where they accidentally ended up taking a radio station hostage and in order to claim the insanity plea in hopes for a lesser sentence later, a longer list of bizarre demands were naked pictures of Beatrice Arthur!

I've never been one to go by reviews… The critics and I never see eye to eye… With _The English Patient_ which was critically acclaimed with Oscars, I personally was bored to tears and just kept screaming at the screen for the bloody sod to just _die_ already! If you want a more recent example… They also loved the female _Ghostbusters_ of 2016, even though fans based on ticket sales, collectively decided it which was a steaming pile of cow dung, and it was a box office flop so….meh. Never saw _Angry Birds 1_ so I can't comment on the sequel and because I'm over the age of five, didn't really have any interest in _Dora_ either… So, I'll just take their word for it? Different strokes for different folks, I guess?

BTW, College Humor did a hilarious parody video of Dora starring Ariel Winter from Modern Family – now THAT made me almost want to see it!

I love the "We Are Number One" Ace Attorney villain video, gladly give the reins on this one to my brilliant partner, since this is more of his avenue and he could probably do it better justice!

As for sweet tickling fartscuttles… What can I say? As with movie critics and fans and in this case surprised exclamations, variety is the spice of life! Unlike the hack who wrote _50 Shades Of Grey,_ there's only so much _"holy cow!"_ I can make the characters cry out before my readers probably want to go suffocate themselves via bovine barnyard Dutch oven! 😝

 **CT:** I still can't believe that they actually made a live-action "Dora the Explorer" movie. When I first saw the trailer, I legitimately thought that it was one of those over-the-top parody films that you'd see on something like "Mad TV" or "Saturday Night Live". Though the only way I could see it receiving positive ratings would be if there was a big twist in which the true villain was revealed to be Kai Lan from "Mi Hao Kai Lan".

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** it's really funny how Klavier is the nicest prosecutor in the series, to the point where some people even call my Gary Stu, and would be the only DA to not hate Phoenix and try to make his life miserable yet he is the one that caused Nick the most damage with costing him his badge!

What kills me most is how some people don't get Godot's motivation and call him sexist about blaming Nick for Mia's death, saying it was his fault for not protecting her, when it's more of a case of I'm devastated I lost everything and I need a scapegoat to blame.

Well put Lyn! As articulate and thoughtful and awesome as ever… Great minds really do think alike girl! 👍 **1**

It's funny – I don't hate Godot at all, despite his abuse towards my husbando, both physical and verbal, and agree he is more of a tragic antihero than anything else. Godot is definitely the Austin Powers equivalent minus the bad teeth and terrible accident and that he is the international man of mystery – and _way_ sexier! And _definitely_ the coolest despite Kristoph Gavin's self-aggrandizing proclamation of the same title!

In summary, there are two types of people in this world. Those who find Godot sexy… And liars! 😜

Here's some food for thought for my favourite Miles loving author… Some people hate Godot because they say he killed Misty Fey even though it was purely in self-defense (of Maya) and I really think any prison time he does will be minimal as it would be for the active cover-up not the actual act of murder itself – it doesn't matter what he had to say about cleaning his motives not being pure at the time… The end result was the same it was self-defense. The thought I want you to munch on and let me know your own is this: something hate Godot for killing Maya's mother. However, everyone loves Miles Edgeworth… (as do I!) But conveniently forgetting that when he was under that monster Manfred's wing, he, along with his Nosferatu mentor was responsible for killing countless innocent men and women for wrongful convictions that were probably put on death row.

Things that make you go hmmm, Wright? 😉

 **CT:** Personally, when it comes to people hating Godot, I feel that a lot of it comes from the fact that he tried to "protect" Maya to make up for what happened to Mia not by destroying Morgan's letter to Pearl and stopping the plan before it began, but instead formulating his own crazed scheme which put both Maya and Pearl in grave danger. I mean, what was Godot's end goal with that plan? Have Misty channel Dahlia and restrain her until morning in the hopes that she'd turn to dust like a vampire? Though regardless, the only thing that plan did was change who was channeling Dahlia and put more people at risk.

Though the real kicker is that instead of reuniting Maya with her mother, essentially fulfilling Mia's entire goal of becoming a lawyer in the first place, Godot decided to have her channel someone he had a vehement hatred for and then killed the woman in an attempt to strike down a damned soul that was already dead.

As for Edgeworth, while that novice bimbo comment may have been a bit much, even during his von Bratworth phase, it wasn't entirely unwarranted on account of how Mia was indeed a novice, as well as someone who has proven on multiple occasions that she's not afraid to show off her… assets and use them to get what she needs.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** Franziska as of the Miles games, had already grown on me when she renounced her entire family name when somebody asked about it, dismissing it as something of little importance when at one point her legacy meant the world to her, which shows right there what great character development they gave her after the trilogy basically pigeonholed her into being a cruel perfectionist bitch! I guess we'll get a good idea of how much she has really grown when we see how she interacts with Phoenix… She still sore at him for reading her perfect record her how she moved past that?

Speculation about the downfall/dissolvement of the PIC organization and how that came to be is an interesting concept. Somebody obviously got rid of it – or at least stripped it of all authority so it was just… _there_ , ya know? Perhaps it was stagnant and then Miles rendered it nonexistent when he took over as Chief Prosecutor? Things that make you go hmmmm?

I think the biggest problem, I don't know if it's a Japanese/ cultural thing or Capcom thing is that they don't know how to/don't really like write non-simpering/doe-eye/ non- one-dimensional women who are blander than cold potatoes. Nothing against the fans of the characters but to me Juniper is just a glorified Iris except at least she has the personality trait of being a nature/gardening enthusiast. When it comes to having a spunky feisty female like Kay or Maya up until Spirit of Justice the latter is seen by lot of the fandom as very juvenile and the former has not been seen since the second Miles game which wasn't even localized!

In the Japanese version Athena's apparently kind of annoying and speaks kind of like a thugette – kind of a _yo yo yo_ sort of thing (I'm picturing a female Wocky Kitaki and this is based off the Tumblr threads of people who can play the game in Japanese that I'm getting this information from) which is possibly why she got stuck in Capcom purgatory last game. It is the reason (the annoying and not the gangster wannabe part!), that Trucy was voted off the island for most of Dual Destinies… Apparently her character is not very liked and considered annoying by Japanese gamers over there and she talks about herself in third person which apparently is insufferable!

Trucy as well, is that she seems a bit more childish in the Japanese version than the English. In Japanese, she refers to herself in third person using her name (Minuki) instead of using the pronoun "I", which gives off a childish air, and sometimes makes her sound a bit spoiled too. There's no equivalent in English, but even then she seems to be a bit more grown-up. A couple of examples:

1) When Phoenix brings her home pudding, Trucy in English, says: "Not just one pudding, but three whole cups! I'll have to pace myself." In Japanese, however: "There are three! Minuki's allowed to eat them all, right?!"

2) When she's trying to convince Apollo to come with her to the Sunshine Colosseum, in English, she says: "Let's go! We can say hi to Uncle Valant!" In Japanese: "Minuki wants to go! Minuki wants to say hi to Uncle Valant!"

We should be lucky we even got her for that one case in game six if that's the case!

You get a kick butt character like Athena and either people love her or they think of her as a Mary Sue but obviously none of these women is intended to be seen as a love interest in the traditional sense… Sure thanks to the anime we can see more clearly see then even in the games that Capcom/the animators have a bit of a bias for Phoenix X Maya (bless then for that at least!) But Athena apparently isn't supposed to be seen despite being a kick ass brilliant protégé with the swimsuit model body as desirous to the male masses… How else to explain Juniper apparently getting love letters when they were growing up while Big Red getting the shaft and not in the fun way?! I can't think of any other explanation for Athena's character regression in SOJ but I really hope it's something they remedy in the next game. They finally matured Maya into someone that fans love even more for the most part, there's no reason why they can't give the Courtroom Revolutionnaire the same treatment!

You seriously made my day with that update about Capcom adding Ace Attorney news on their discord server! I feel like I'll be on the edge of my seat until mid-September waiting for the news! It _has_ to be Ace Attorney related!

I was so excited to use the Java enthusiast when he requested the song… After all how many things rhyme with Godot? Hello Cotton Eye Joe!

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** While Blaise may have not been Chief Prosecutor, don't underestimate the scope of authority that came with the title of P.I.C. Chairman. Sure, Blaise may not have held the direct power of a chief prosecutor, but that was a small price to pay to essentially take control of the entire legal world. Think about it- as P.I.C. Chairman, if Blaise felt that a prosecutor was a threat to his reign or wasn't bein compliant with his demands, he could simply "investigate" them and make them disappear without barely any resistance. After all, if someone in the legal world tried to speak out against him, then Blaise could simply hold an investigation on them on the grounds of them being a loose cannon and "discover" some unsavory evidence against them and make them disappear if they're a prosecutor, or he could use his connections with the LAPD or Bar Association if the person if they were in the police or a defense attorney, respectively. Not to mention, since a chief prosecutor is, by name of profession, a prosecutor, they were no safer from Blaise's gaze than a standard prosecutor; thereby allowing Blaise to extort whatever chief prosecutor was in charge at the current time into assigning whatever prosecutor he desired to a given case, as seen in "Investigations 2". So in a sense, Blaise was essentially a chief prosecutor's chief prosecutor.

Though while on the topic of the P.I.C., while we may not have heard about it much in recent "Ace Attorney" games, I highly doubt that it was dissolved. After all, that would be like dissolving the Bar Association due to Kristoph's actions. Plus, based on the end credits of "Investigations 2", it's quite likely that Justine assumed the position of P.I.C. Chairman, which has helped to somewhat restore the committee's reputation thanks to her strong moral character and devotion to her job as a judge.

As for the people being quick to distrust Apollo and Athena during "Magical Turnabout", don't forget that most of the gallery consisted of individuals who were planted there by Retinz for the purpose of throwing Apollo and Athena off their game or people who believed all of the slander that Retinz was airing on public television. Plus, it probably didn't help that Trucy's sperm donor fled his own trial and that many people believed that her uncle figure murdered her grandfather.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again- if Kristoph and Dahlia were together and things turned sour, the former would win the ensuing confrontation hands down. For not only is Kristoph the more cunning criminal, but he's also physically larger and stronger than Dahlia. Sure, Kristoph may look like a girl, paint his nails like a girl, and can get catty like one of those vindictive women from one of those "Real Housewives" shows, but at the end of the day, he's a pretty tall guy who's got at least some strength to him. After all, you'd have to be at least somewhat strong if you're capable of killing Zak Gramarye with a single hit to his thick ego-inflated jerk skull.


	83. Tyrell Badd

_JP: This goes out to my good friend SeñorJava, aka ForGreatCoffee. I guess a new month starts off with another Not Disney month! I hope you enjoy your request – and approve of my character choice for it, amigo!_

 _CT: Once again, my wonderful cowriter has outdone herself. The concept of Badd fighting crime as a superhero is too perfect and gets the cogs of my imagination really spinning. With his strong, silent-type personality and witty humor, I can picture him being a Batman-esque superhero known as Candyman; but unlike Batman, whose weapons, costume, and hideout are centered around bats, Candyman's all about the candy- dressing up like the Candy Man from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", throwing lollypops as projectiles and using candy canes as weapons, having his base of operations be a candy store, etc. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if there's an alternate universe where Badd became Candyman and joined his world's version of the Justice League._

* * *

" _ **Tyrell Badd"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of the theme from the  
original cartoon series song  
** _ **"Spiderman"  
(1967 TV cartoon series version)**_

"Cheers to my Uncle Badass!" Kay declared, raising her ginger ale – her law-bending but nevertheless abiding uncle refused to let his underaged teenage niece consume any alcohol despite it being a special occasion. "For dodging a prison sentence… Bringing my father's killer to justice, and being the _best crack shot_ in all of Los Angeles!"

"I'll drink to that!" Tyrell Badd cracked a half-smile as he lifted his beer glass and clinked it first against the raven-haired girl's, then against the lifted glasses of Raymond Shields, Miles Edgeworth, and Dick Gumshoe. "But I think Mr. Shields deserves a lot of the credit for the fact that I'm not in prison for some of my…controversial methods in trying to bring down Calisto Yew thanks to his second-to-none defence."

"Pleasure was all mine." Shields grinned at the detective. "Although by now, Uncle Ray knows better than to try to commemorate this celebration by offering you a hug!"

"Let's not forget to give credit to Mr. Edgeworth," Gumshoe added loyally. "He was the biggest part of bringing down that whole smuggling ring!"

"And essentially chopping down that gnarled withered old talking tree known as Alba with his kick-ass cross-examination!" Kay agreed, raising a gloved hand to smother back a snicker. "To Mr. Shields and Mr. Edgeworth!"

"Cheers!" The friends chorused, clinking their glasses again.

"I may be biased of course," the Yatagarasu suddenly turned serious. "But I wouldn't even be here at this tavern right now with you guys if it hadn't been for the itchy trigger finger of my favourite detective!"

"Here, here!" Gumshoe enthused, beaming at his mentor. "All these years later, nobody has better gunmanship than _you_ , Pops!"

"Holy Odin and all the little cherubs… it's _really_ hitting me! I would've been a _goner_ when that she-thing held that pistol to my head, if it wasn't for _you_ , Uncle Badd." Kay shuddered slightly at the memory. "But then…BAM! Out came that gun and bitch would have gone _down_!"

"And I wouldn't have even batted an eyelash," Badd said gruffly. "That fork-tongued lizard witch would be down there waxing Satan's taint right now if it hadn't been for the bone-headed interference of a certain Wolf Man!"

"Luckily for Lang, his _leg_ is as thick as his _skull_!" Miles commented wryly.

"That's a fact, pal!" Gumshoe nodded, biting back a snicker as he took a big chug of beer, then flushed as the prosecutor arched an eyebrow at his subordinate for the over-familiarity, even though they were off the clock. "Um, yes, that's right, Mr. Edgeworth, sir!"

"All that matters is you saved a life _and_ still got your man in the end, Detective Badd." Shields tipped his fedora as a show of reverence. "You're a hero, detective."

"Hells yeah he is! Best the LAPD ever had – er no offence, Gummy!" Kay jumped up from the table and grabbed the large pepper grinder. "Because just like the song… Tyrell Badd is _Badd To The Bone_!"

Badd's lips twitched as he jutted his chin at the wooden object in his niece's hand, which she was holding up like a microphone.

"Kiddo, what are you doing with that thing?"

"Paying homage to my hero, of course!" Kay's eyes sparkled with fondness and gratitude. "A man like you deserves his own theme song!"

The ninja girl then proceeded to serenade her Uncle right there, in front of her amused friends and present patrons.

* * *

Tyrell Badd, Tyrell Badd, best flatfoot that LA had  
Bullet holes in his trench, in his teeth a lolly's clenched  
Watch out, here comes Detective Badd

* * *

Made of steel and of sass, screw with him, he'll kick your ass  
Gunshots fly overhead. He's the man all crooks dread.  
Beware! There goes Detective Badd

* * *

His mission's to catch all those guilty of crime  
They can run but not hide, he'll nab them every time

* * *

Tyrell Badd, Tyrell Badd, best flatfoot that LA had  
Criminals, be _en garde,_ he'll put you behind those bars!

* * *

He is the ex Yatagarasu, break laws and he'll cuff you  
Can't foil Detective Badd!

* * *

When she was done, the customers within earshot all burst into applause. Undaunted, Badd merely shrugged and popped a lollypop in his mouth, then regarded the plucky teen with a sombre expression that belied the affection in his gruff tone.

"Thanks for the kudos kid." He cleared his throat and affected his typical stolid expression. "But stick with being the next generation Yatagarasu, since you just proved you're more of a _crowing raven_ than a _songbird_. Don't quit your day job!"

Rather than look affronted, The Great Thief simply walked behind her Uncle's seat and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind in a warm hug.

"I love you, too, Uncle Badd."

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 82**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Knowing our beloved group of defense attorneys, prosecutors, peppy assistants, and a horribly underpaid detective, their efforts would boil down to about three minutes of awkward silence before Gumshoe's stomach starts growling, prompting Maya to start begging Phoenix for burgers. Of course, Phoenix would try to put his foot down in a vain attempt to protect his poor, abused wallet, which would only result in Maya getting angrier and whinier. This, in turn, would provoke Franziska into whipping Phoenix, Maya, and Gumshoe for having the audacity to foolishly annoy her with their foolish tomfoolery. This, in turn, would cause Sebastian to mention how glad he is that he and Simon are such good friends as he wraps his arms around the obviously irritated ex-convict, prompting the Twisted Samurai to sick Taka on the naïve prosecutor. All the while, Edgeworth's sitting off to the side watching the violence unfold as he ponders whether or not he should expand his circle of friends.

 **JP:** _Normal_ is such a polarizing term though… So, I'm thinking that would probably equate to them being a watered-down version of who they are if they were on their best behaviour at best. For example, Maya would take pity on Nick's wallet for the holidays and would have been smart enough to make him by her a _half-dozen_ burgers (rather than her usual dozen) to tide her over so she would, therefore, ensure there was enough food for everybody else at dinner, specifically so their pal, poor Gumshoe wouldn't starve. Of course, this woulda been for naught, as _he_ in turn would've not gotten whiny and hungry as he'd gotten wise to the fact that Franziska can't cook (he's known her quite well over the years) and has preemptively swallowed a dozen cotton balls soaked in OJ to provide that feeling of fullness (scary secret – it's what supermodels do to feel full rather than eat, but also works for penniless detective who can't afford food that won't give him hypertension!). And Miles would just fill up on wine, and be less scathing to his underlings, because having grown up with Lady von Whippingberg, he's longest known she can't cook, but is so posh, he could get away with having a refined gentlemanly appetite and wouldn't be expected to eat much. However, if alcohol were present in any of the circumstances since I think there are probably somewhat lightweights, I would cut those 3 to 4 hours down to maybe half that time, as it would undo any endeavours the characters made to behave in any sort of conventional manner! 😊

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:**

Don't even get me started on the "Friends" anime. Sure, it had it's good moments, such as the Rosita love triangle and that storyline where Ross sought to avenge his lost sandwich, but I think it's safe to say that the show jumped the shark after the Great Ping-Pong Tourney arc. Plus, there are plenty of consistently solid animes that do what "Friends" does and more, such as "That's so Raven", "Dharma and Greg", and my personal favorite, "Mr. Belvedere".

Actually, with how Franziska is, your options would actually be the following: either eat the food and die, or refuse, only to be brutally whipped and have the food forced down your throat. So essentially, the only say you'd have in the matter is how painful you'd want your death to be.

Oh my gosh, now I can't help but picture a Macy's Day Parade in the "Ace Attorney" universe in which one of the floats is a giant Klavier balloon being carried by his legion of screaming fangirls. And knowing Ema's luck, Klavier would appoint her as the head of the balloon's security team, thereby forcing her to constantly look upon that behemoth glimmerous monstrosity of foppishness while listening to the never-ending screams of glee from the fangirls.

 **JP:** I'm sure that Franziska prides herself on being perfect in every way but never once thought of polishing off her culinary skills since that would have been for lesser plebeians like the household servant she probably had waiting on her and cooking for her entire life at Von Karma Manor! I've actually accepted this is my headcanon (although my partner with his fiendishly hilarious but nightmarish Addams Family house of horrors, has definitely gone above and beyond _my_ fanfiction headcanons!). I've portrayed some of the Wild Mare's mishaps including but not limited to: her throwing a "blended salad" into an actual blender resulting in salad soup, or overlooking the removing of the giblets in a turkey and cooking the gobbler with the innards within, resulting in plastic flavoured bird!

That is so cool you met the Soup Nazi! I don't even need to have enjoyed that show to appreciate how cool that is! Shameless self-promotion moment… You are wondering what the gang is like at  
Christmastime, I actually wrote a one-shot with all the main cast present, about how poor Maya fares no better in the kitchen then her "sister-in-law" called _The Greatest Gift of All._ 😊

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** Same here. Heck, the parody of that song that they did on "The Simpsons" was such an earworm for me that it inspired me to write my own parody of it as part of one of my short one-off fanfics back in May of 2017 during my Miiverse days. In fact, the parody that was featured in this chapter is a revised version of that original parody that I decided to base more off of the original song- partially because I didn't want to parody a parody, and partially because I wasn't limited to 30 200-character posts.

Funny you should mention that name, because when JP and I were coming up with the title for this fanfic, the first idea that came to my mind was actually "Turnabout Musical". However, I quickly had to abandon that thought after learning that there's already a fan-made "Ace Attorney" musical of the same name. Speaking of which, if you like the parodies that JP and I have been producing here, then you should check out "Turnabout Musical". After all, they gave Redd White a song of his own, and Manfred two, more than half a decade before the anime.

 **JP:** _The Simpsons_ has introduced me to a lot of music I never would've known otherwise, which is why it is still one of my favourite shows all these years later it's literally a pop-cultural phenomenon that I can't imagine ever being trumped or even paralleled! I second the motion about turnabout Musical…it's three hours of fan service goodness! You can tell how much work and effort they put into it and I honestly have never seen a fandom with more devoted fans than Ace Attorney. The other one I personally am obsessed with when it comes to musicals, milady, is called _The Phoenix Wright Musical_ it's only about 45 minutes in total and is cut into three or four parts… I dare you to watch it and not have: "Wright is Wrooooong…." Stuck in your head at least for the rest of the evening! 😉

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** If Franziska can take a bullet to the shoulder and a hospital stay with "Director" Hotti, then she can survive anything that comes her way. Though as for suing Sebastian, that's one battle that wouldn't go in her favor on account of her making that "food" in the first place, as well as allowing Sebastian to sit within arm's reach of the stuff.

 **JP:** Franziska is kind of a badass… I mean she grew up with Nosferatu as a Papa, (presumably by surrounding herself with crosses and garlic, but I digress), and was willing and ready to come back to work despite getting marked by crazed assassin… A shoulder wound is nothing to shrug off like they make look like in the movies… It is damn excruciatingly painful and even debilitating, especially in a woman as petite as Franny… Injury aside you think anyone lucid would've been traumatized or at least feared being targeted again by a hitman but not the Wild Mare! Instead, she ends up being the one to save the day, injury and all – and probably drove that courthouse with the golden pieces of evidence by herself! I'm assuming she grew up wealthy enough, though so I can't picture her suing anyone for trying to cause her perfect eyes any kind of damage… She would probably just whip the crybaby prosecutor to a bloody pulp instead – or injure him even worse by making him eat all her cooking!😂

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:**

After reading those translations of Trucy's Japanese dialogue in JP's reply, I'm starting to understand why Zak was so quick to flee for the hills on account of how her wording, coupled with her cute appearance, makes her come off as a villain from a psychological horror film. And what's even creepier is how much Trucy enjoys seeing her assistants suffer. Sure, Trucy's a good friend when the going gets tough, but let's not forget that she had no qualms in making Apollo participate in a trick that had been recently used to frame her for murder against his free will, gleefully grinning as he screamed in terror; or the fact that she spent the entirety of "Turnabout Time Traveler" hunting Athena down.

As much as I'd love to see "Investigation 3", I wouldn't be against the idea of Capcom releasing an "Ace Attorney" spinoff based off of the "Resident Evil"/"Silent Hill"/"Clock Tower" series in which Athena has to explore different environments while trying to escape from Trucy and her various magic tricks. I can just picture Athena searching a dimly lit room, when suddenly, the "Troupe Gramarye" theme starts to quietly play in the background, becoming louder with each passing second until Trucy appears in a burst of smoke while brandishing a sword. Heck, Capcom could even incorporate a bit of her personality from the Japanese version by allowing her to temporarily stun Trucy by hitting her over the head with her boombox.

In regards to the power dynamic of Manfred, Gant, and Blaise's relationship, I feel that the latter two basically had about the same level of authority while the "perfect" prosecutor was the clear bottom of the totem pole. However, even though Manfred was the lowest-ranking member of their triumvirate, his role was arguably the most important in regards to maintaining control over the legal world.

After all, not having a ruthless prosecutor with no desire to be morally just handling a case led to both Gant and Blaise's downfall. Granted, Blaise was quicker (or was more willing to exploit this strength) then Gant was, which was why he tried to convince Edgeworth to join the P.I.C. during "The Forgotten Turnabout". After all, who better to replace Manfred than the man who he spent 15 years moulding in his image? And had that had happened, Blaise would have turned Edgeworth into the next Lana and would have likely made Sebastian "disappear" since he would have found someone who could do the job better while being less of an embarrassment.

Oh my gosh, your phone has been possessed by Tsumugi! That, or it's developed a liking for Kristoph. Nevertheless, I apologize for introducing your phone to a new senpai that has about the same level of sympathy and morality that it does.

 **JP:** I've been reading your latest story and I am looking forward to seeing how you contribute to that character development with Franziska that we have been speculating on and reflecting upon over the course of the series and its spinoff games.

I never thought Her Malevolence was the best villain at all! She is more like a cartoon character than anything else although she was definitely on the same levels of corruption as the dastardly trio of Blaise Manfred and Gant and possibly had more people killed although that would be debatable when you think about all the innocent people that were incarcerated and executed thanks to the Legion of Doom! What say you? Who made a higher body count? I agree, that civil trial thing, although it was kinda cool to see Nick as a force to be reckoned with in composed, AJ Pokerface mode as an opponent, it was also the weakest part of the final case, which was amazing!

I am crossing my fingers about the Tokyo Gameshow which I believe was from the 14th to the 15th of this month that there's AA news. I figure companies like Capcom think they're doing us a big favour by releasing anything in the Western Hemisphere at all since most people in Japan are major gamers (adults and children alike there is none of that geek stigma like there is here) and they could keep all the companies afloat financially with just their own usage without needing the help of us foreign Western Devils! Therefore yes they would cater to the masses of Japan first and foremost, hence Trucy being voted off the island in Dual Destinies, and probably the reason Athena got the shaft in SOJ (my understanding is for some reason with a lot of fans, she's not a very popular character either) and anything subsequently is them throwing us a bone, sad as that is! The thing with Apollo is despite what the masses over there think about Trucy, apparently _he_ is a very popular character in Japan I think they do care enough about him, which is why don't think he's going to be gone for good and will be back next game whether it's in West Asia split stories, or back at the agency. I'm fine with either myself as long as I have Nick! 😊


	84. Simon Keyes

_CT: I know that_ _ **SilverDragon889**_ _originally requested that this parody be about everyone's favorite perfectionist vampire prosecutor, but after seeing the lyrics of the original song, I couldn't help but make it where the parody stars everyone favorite mastermind clown. I mean, with how the original song is about a ginger cat who looks completely innocent, yet commits crimes by manipulating others to do his dirty work for him, they're basically describing a cat version of Simon. Though now that I think about it, several of Simon's sprites make him look reminiscent of a cat- particularly the ones where his eyes are closed._

 _JP: Never cared for Cats myself – wtf is a Jellico cat anyway?! And I'm allergic to felines so I needed a Claritin to get through the play! But fear not, pussycat lovers! There's the movie/war crime coming out soon to get your scratchin' fix! It has big name actors dressed as creepy busty, furry RealDolls, apparently funded entirely by the horniest of Japanese salarymen. I haven't seen such disjointed flailing of limbs since Riverdance… but at least that was cool Irish jig – not nightmare fuel! Anywhore, sorry for the delay in updates guys… after I wrapped up Filling The Void, which was dedicated to my wonderful partner, I got sick as a dog_ 🐶 _(you know, the anti-cat animals)_ 😷 _and am now catching up on everything. Enjoy this awesome homage to the most likeable/forgivable of all AA villains in this wonderful musical dedicated month of October!_ 😊

* * *

 _ **"Simon Keyes"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Macavity"** _ **  
**_ **from the Broadway musical,** _ **Cats**_

After getting his prosecutor's badge back after the whirlwind of trials and tribulations that he had experienced over the past several days, Edgeworth wanted nothing more than to resume his duties and for things to go back to normal- at least, as normal as things could be in this crazy city.

However, before that could happen, there was one finally thing that Edgeworth, Kay, Gumshoe, Sebastian, and John had to see before they could finally put this mess behind them: the trial of Simon Keyes, the mastermind behind the hell that was the previous two weeks who was finally brought to justice thanks to Edgeworth's legendary logical prowess and the help of the others.

That was why the group was currently sitting in the front row of the gallery packed full of whispering people, watching as Simon, who was standing before the court dressed in a suit with his haired styled in the way it was when he was in his kind and meek persona, his nervous gaze darting back and forth from his defense attorney, Raymond Shields, to the prosecutor, Franziska von Karma.

Neither Edgeworth nor Sebastian was allowed to prosecute the trial due to how both of them had negative experiences with the defendant that could make them more inclined to utilize more unethical methods- for the former, the plot of kidnapping his assistant and using him as essentially a logic-wielding attack dog, and for the latter, succeeding in having his father arrested. Sure, Blaise was an evil, psychotic man with so little regard to morality that it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone if the Devil sold him his soul, but he was still Sebastian's father.

However, Simon wasn't so fortunate in regards to the judge presiding over the trial, Justine Courtney, who didn't even try to mask her disdain for the mastermind as she glowered at him with a cold fury. Under normal circumstances, Justine wouldn't have been allowed to preside over this trial for the same reasons why Edgeworth and Sebastian were barred from prosecuting it, but given Justine's position as acting P.I.C. Chairman while the committee searched for someone to replace Blaise, she was able to pull a few strings to ensure that these weren't normal circumstances. Sure, Justine felt a tinge of guilt for her actions- as a loyal servant of the Goddess of Law, it was her duty to act impartially towards all defendants in order to ensure that trials are fair and just- but those feelings were quickly replaced with rage when she remembered how this miserable excuse of a man kidnapped John, her son, and held him hostage in a cold warehouse. So, for the first time in her career as a judge, Justine mentally disregarded the traditional justice associated with the Goddess of Law in favor of the overprotective motherly kind typically displayed by soccer moms- the kind in which Mama Bear rips into anyone who dares to mess with her cub like Yogi Bear on a picnic basket.

"M-Mr. Shields, a-are you sure you can get me a lighter sentence?" Simon nervously asked, his hands covering his eyes. "Because I think that Courtney may still be upset at me for kidnapping her son."

"Don't worry, Simon." Ray nonchalantly replied with outstretched arms. "Courtney-pie may look scary, but I know that deep down, she won't go too hard on you. But if things start to go south, I'll simply present some evidence in the form of Exhibit Hug."

"Mr. Shields, I have already warned you about trying to offer me hugs…" Justine growled.

"But, Courtney-pie, I-" Ray tried to reason, only to be cut off by the slam of the judge's gavel.

"I will not tolerate any excuses, Mr. Shields! I hope that this penalty teaches you to control your arms and your mouth!" Justine snapped, prompting about a third of the green bar above the defense attorney's head to deplete.

"I don't mean to sound critical, Courtney-pie, but don't you think that you're being a bit… hostile?" Ray timidly asked with saucer-sized eyes and his hands raised up in front of his torso.

"What's that?! You wish for me to give you a second penalty?! Well, who am I to deny your wishes, Mr. Shields?!" Justine snarled, slamming her gavel and causing another third of the green bar to deplete. "Any other comments, Mr. Shields?" The judge asked in her typical polite voice, flashing the terrified defense attorney her typical warm grin."

"I-I'm good, Courtney-pie." Ray squeaked with his hands still raised.

"Excellent. In that case, Prosecutor von Karma, your opening statement, please." Justine calmly asked with an extended hand."

 _Courtney-pie may be completely out of her gourd, but at least that cute von Karma girl is still on our side and will help to ensure that Simon receives a fair trial_. Ray thought to himself as he started to calm down, only for his eyes to widen again upon being hit with a realization. _What am I saying, this is a von Karma we're dealing with! With Courtney acting like a deranged soccer mom and that von Karma girl's family history, this trial's going to be quicker than most of my first dates- and just like those dates, it will probably end painfully and with a lot of tears. Hopefully, this girl isn't as bad as her father and shows some mercy…_

But unfortunately for both Ray and Simon, Franziska took harshness to a whole new level by delivering her opening statement in the form of a song.

* * *

{Franziska}

Simon Keyes is a conniving man,

People say he's a mastermind,

He commits the most heinous of crimes,

Yet links to him you won't find.

He's the bane of the LAPD,

A prosecutor's pain,

Because when his crimes come to light,

Simon Keyes can't be blamed!

Simon Keyes!

Simon Keyes!

No one's the peer of Simon Keyes!

He acts without moral restraint,

He does whatever he pleases!

His skills of manipulation,

Are what Satan has sought,

Because when his crimes come to light,

Simon Keyes can't be caught!

You can question him in the jail,

Or in the circus or such,

But you might as well walk away since,

Simon Keyes can't be touched!

Simon Keyes is a ginger man,

Of average height and weight,

If you saw him, your hair would stand up straight,

For his eyes are filled with hate.

His mouth is packed with pearly teeth,

And always shows a sneer.

His hair is combed and well-styled,

And moisturized with tears.

His eyes have dark rings around them,

Like he hasn't slept in days,

And when you think he's been caught,

He somehow gets away!

Simon Keyes!

Simon Keyes!

No one's the peer of Simon Keyes!

He can have several people killed,

While being subtle like a breeze!

He might kidnap you at Gourd Lake,

He might spy on you at Grand Tower,

But if these plans do go sour,

Simon Keyes won't cower!

He might look foolish and timid,

* * *

{Justine}

I know he cheats at chess.

* * *

{Franziska}

And he has no police record,

Not even a petty crime's printed,

And when Knightley's been murdered,

Or Jill Crane's body's been found,

Or Kay's left with amnesia,

Or John Marsh is nowhere around,

Or when a body double's killed,

And Lang is a broken mess,

There is a clear certainty:

Simon Keyes feels no stress!

Simon Keyes!

Simon Keyes!

No one's the peer of Simon Keyes!

There never was a man of such deceitfulness and suavity.

He always has an alibi and one or two to spare,

So whenever the crime took place,

Simon Keyes wasn't there!

And they say that all of the manipulators that we've seen-

For example: Dahlia Hawthorne, Lance Amano, Luke Atmey-

Are just rank amateurs compared to Mr. Simon Keyes,

The fool who has played us like fools,

A modern Machiavelli!

Simon Keyes!

Simon Keyes!

No one's the peer of Simon Keyes!

He can have several people killed,

While being subtle like a breeze!

He might kidnap you at Gourd Lake,

He might spy on you at Grand Tower,

But if these plans do go sour,

Simon Keyes won't cower!

* * *

"Out of curiosity, what do you have planned for the next 40 years?" Ray asked in a serious tone as he glanced over at his client whose eyes were saucer-sized, whose teeth were clenched, and whose body was stiff as a board before finally succumbing to the stress and fainting backwards, hitting the ground with a loud thud.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 82**

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Considering the abject state of the turkey, the only thing its feeling is either the desire to die or the urge to consume the flesh of the living. Either way, the only thing that turkey should be stuffed with is a hand grenade and Grossberg's weight in gunpowder. Though as for your question about what kind of weapon Franziska's gazpacho could be classified as- chemical, biological, or nuclear- the answer is yes.

 **JP:** no worries pal your reviews are always worth the wait. I am responding to you just before Canada's own gobbler day which is usually about a month ahead of America's… Thanks to your Harrison Ford movie comment which was largely centered around the chemical/biological/nuclear-classified gazpacho… I am now also picturing an oversized round gobbler in lieu of the Boulder chasing poor Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom!

 **Chapter 83**

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** This is hilarious… Both Candy Man and Spider-Badd worked perfectly with the lyrics as well although I'm going to go with yours dear reader simply because candy man makes me think of the coolest most badass detective in the series driving a white van that smells like tears and secrets… XD

By the way did you get your archive account yet? And I hope you still have my email… am looking forward to reading your paper, Joe Maa'ma!

 **CT:** Join the club. Ever since JP sent me that parody to look over, it's been popping into my head at random times. However, instead of "Tyrell Badd", the version that keeps playing in my head uses "Candy Man".

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** "Amazing" you say, Señor Java? How adorably puntastic of you! I'm delighted you liked your request… Also, in the official Ace Attorney art Gumshoe is seen with the other band members playing various instruments to be playing the tiny triangle… A comical choice for such a big man but at least we know where he will fall in the procession!

 **CT:** Or better yet, Gumshoe can be a one-man-band as he plays the song on one of those drum/trumpet/keyboard setups. Heck, Gumshoe can even add a flute to represent Edgeworth's childhood instrument of choice.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Athena is already pretty thin… Despite her love of orange juice, I don't think she's a cotton ball and citrus contender… If anything maybe she could use it to motivate the corpulent Sal Manella into cutting calories if he ever hired her as a personal trainer? :p

As a Canadian, I feel like I need to apologize to the world for Shatner… The only cool thing about him up the top of my head since I'm not a Trekky would be that him and Eartha Kitt were TVs very first interracial kiss… Which the actors absolutely hated since he was apparently a complete butt wadd! :p

Although he is my favourite detective I've only written Detective Badass sporadically in Turnabout Everlasting, (where I basically gave him a Rambo persona since he has an arsenal of guns which is he's first name basis with his disposal) but you're right – he's not a big fan of full sentences! However, I'd like to think he would come up with some really snappy catchphrases! They would probably be centered around candy… Kinda like good known his coffee philosophy! Although since he seems like a lone wolf he probably wouldn't be joining Super Friends anytime soon… He'd definitely be the more of the soul of vigilante type! Batman… If not Deadpool (National treasure Ryan Reynolds is Canada's way of making up for Shatner!) since it because I can just picture him with the best one-liners! Can you think of anyone else in the series who could better personify the epic line of: _"I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum… And I'm all out of gum!"_

 **CT:** Personally, given Badd's gruff personality and the fact that he's a loose cannon cop who plays by his own rules, if he was to become a superhero, I believe that he would be most similar to Batman in regards to his methods; though instead of basing his entire persona off of bats, he'd make his candy- his lair being under a candy store, his costume being the Candy Man outfit from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", beating up criminals with a bo staff designed to look like a lollypop, etc. That, or perhaps Badd would go the Wildcat route and simply opt to beat up villains with only his fists and a lack of effs.

Though regardless of what theme Badd would go with if he decided to become a superhero, one thing's certain: any criminals stupid enough to go up against him would end up coming out of the fight speaking less coherently than even him.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Detective Rambo Badass… Last seen kicking ass and chewing bubblegum – but being all out of gum in a story that rhymes with Burn A Doubt Never-Fasting! :p

Despite its movie franchise being rebooted a million times to the point where it has to rival Superman and Batman, Spider-Man does tend to make me forget my mild arachnophobia. Henry Cavill is a killer Superman, Christian Bale was the best Batman and Andrew Garfield was my favourite Spider-Man although Tom Holland is no slouch! I didn't even know the Michael Bublé rendition of the Spider-Man theme until he mentioned it but sexy pretty terrific… But then again so is the singer… I'd like to think he is Canada's way of apologizing for Justin Bieber!

I am a huge fan of the underrated family bond with Kay Faraday and Tyrell Badd… I'll be exploring that in more depth in my stories as I look for any excuse to write my favourite detective! My headcanon is that he legally adopted her after her father died and that's why she calls him Uncle Badd. I'm happy I can still warm that soft side yours with heartfelt family moments, not just romance buddy! :-)

As for my partner's comment comparing Edgeworth and Batman… Great minds think alike! In Turnabout Everlasting and in Double DILF Doodies I did make the joke about Miles being like Batman… I picture him having a lot of crazy gadgets that would totally allude someone as technologically clueless as Phoenix!

 **CT:** Personally, I'm more of a Batman fan due to the countless engaging villains in his rogues gallery and how he's essentially the Edgeworth of DC with how he can pretty much solve any issue with a bit of logic, a death glare, and a ridiculous outfit.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** I wish Kay and Badd were in more games… Capcom might suck at doing romances but they're so wonderful with creating friendship and family bonds even when the two parties not blood-related and after Nick and Trucy, Uncle Badd and his plucky niece are my favourite dynamic!

Have you checked out that musical yet milady? I read and love your Trucy story keep up with the fluffy goodness sweetie!

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody! When it comes to writing for Kay and her Uncle Badd, I think I speak for both myself and JP when I say that it's always a blast!

Though speaking of writing, I'm going to need to check out that Trucy birthday story you wrote, because knowing you, it's probably filled with JP-levels of Phoenix and Trucy fluffy goodness.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** I don't know what the Japanese consider psychotic considering are also behind games like Danganronpa! I realized Trucy had a dark side to her when she forged the evidence with that bloody ace in Apollo Justice… It's pretty obvious there's no way Phoenix could have done it since he was in jail and they frisked him and would've found it otherwise… And then there was a time she threw a knife in a Segway in Dual Destinies! Also, her original design actually showed her having two different faces one half his post be more angelic one part was post look darker and edgier to show the two different sides of her personality.

If you're talking horror stories I will concur that blue badger moment in the Kidnapped Turnabout which is actually one of my least favourite cases was definitely nightmare fuel! Much like the upcoming _Cats_ movie… But I digress.

I will give the Ace Attorney creators credit for creating despicable characters were not supposed to be villains in the traditional sense… Zak Gramarye, Drew Misham, Wocky Kitaki… And Khura'in Galadriel is just a cherry on the putrid shit sundae! I really think it's because the beloved Danny Dragon was his father that he wasn't sentenced to death by thousand paper cuts for his dastardly deeds… We know his mother is a doormat so she wouldn't done anything if the villagers had turned against him since… Well you know her deal… ugh. Put her on that aforementioned despicable list for me, please?

Thanks to my partner aside from calling Melsa Prosecutor Flutterdull I shall now add Benedict Sadmahdi to his growing list of crappy names for that fart plume! I refuse to believe his serene monk persona was supposed to be his excuse to show his lack of remorse I think he was just honestly a f*cking sociopath with no remorse… Perfect product of Crapcom for letting the major events like the Tokyo Gameshow go by without any Ace Attorney news! What happened to fiscal year 2019 new AA game, you dung buckets?! Truly you don't care about your fans at all… Our anguished pleas obviously sustain you!

 **CT:** Though unfortunately for you, if the Anything Agency wants you, then you're joining whether you want to or not. Just look at Apollo, for example. Here he was, out of a job because Phoenix deceived him into using forged evidence to convict his boss, only to be coerced into taking a job at the Anything Agency for literally no pay due to a combination of Phoenix and Trucy's guilt trip and the former using his connections to Edgeworth to ensure that no law firm in L.A. would hire Apollo. I know that latter reason may sound crazy, but I find it kind of odd that no law firm in the entire city of L.A. would want to hire Apollo. Sure, you could argue that getting Apollo getting his last boss arrested in order to acquit his client didn't do him any favors, but considering that at that point in the series Phoenix was so obsessed with taking Kristoph down that he literally changed the legal system, I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with the job market being on the dry side.

The way I see it, even though Manfred was the lowest-ranking person in his trio with Gant and Blaise, he was arguably the glue that held the group together due to not only his stoic, calm, and collected (for the most part) personality helping to keep the other two in check, but also because he was the bridge that allowed for their harmony to exist- Manfred would convict any defendant that Gant arrested without fail, thus fulfilling the orange-cladded Chief of Police's dream to enforce his own twisted sense of justice, while also pleasing Blaise by making any people he disliked that also happened to be arrested disappear. Therefore, when Manfred was sent to prison and there was no one left to moderate Gant and Blaise's conflicting ideologies, there's a good chance that their relationship to sour, with each one waiting for the first opportunity to take the other down.

Based on how Gant was directly blackmailing Lana, as well as his strong sense of justice, unless Blaise was also aware of Lana's crimes and/or was threatening Ema's health, then chances are that Gant would have been the first to strike by opening up an investigation on one of the P.I.C. Chairman's countless crimes had he not panicked and murdered Goodman. Likewise, when Gant murdered Goodman and Lana was arrested, chances are that Blaise managed to quickly realize the truth behind the incident thanks to decades of experience and saw that as his chance to take control of both the Prosecutor's Office and LAPD. That's probably why the P.I.C. didn't instantly disbar Edgeworth when it was confirmed in court that he had sent a man to his death with forged evidence- Blaise knew that Edgeworth would be rattled by the news, thereby making it where he wouldn't be able to prosecute the case as effectively from that point on, as well as instill in him a grudge against Gant. This, in turn, would give Phoenix the wiggle room he'd need to have Gant "disappear" in the same fashion as Manfred.

As for Benedict Sahdmadhi, not only did he not have an issue with essentially sending Dhurke's cause down the river- which, by the way, he knows is completely valid since he's fully aware that his mother was never killed nor that his father never bore an ounce of malice towards her- he was actively trying to stomp it into the ground. Sure, I may criticize Amara's utter apathy towards her children and her people as a whole, but at least she wasn't actively encouraging crowds of people to start engaging in death chants. Heck, even in areas that are nowhere near Ga'ran's sphere of influence, Nahyuta still made it his life's goal to spit in the face of everything his father believed in; and frankly, I'm a little shocked that Nahyuta didn't request for a 30 minute recess after discovering the truth regarding Dhurke in "Turnabout Revolution" so that he could travel to Amara's Tomb and literally spit in his father's face. Seriously, Nahyuta should be thankful that Dhurke was his father, because anyone else would have just let the little turd float down that river and into the Hell of Tickling, or worse yet, the Hell of Reality Television, a vile realm in which the damned soul is strapped to a chair with their eyes taped open at all times as they're forced to watch nonstop reality television.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Detective Badd's theme is as underrated as he is! His alternative theme song if you have not seen Beverly Hills II cop is, for me, by Bob Seger called "Shakedown." The lyrics are so perfect bonus it's about Eddie Murphy's character actually being a cop in California! They're so perfect for the badass who always gets his crook in the end! Lemme know your thoughts! Here's the intro:

 _No matter what you think you pull you'll find it's not enough  
No matter who you think you know you won't get through  
It's a given L.A. law  
Someone's faster on the draw  
No matter where you hide I'm comin' after you  
yeah  
No matter how the race is run it always ends the same  
Another room without a view awaits downtown  
You can shake me for a while  
Live it up in style  
No matter what you do I'm gonna take you down_

 **CT:** And then after that theme song finishes playing, the episode starts with Jerry going on a tangent about stands. That, or it starts off with a fight scene with George getting angry and summoning his stand, just like in the episodes during the Summer of George arc.

Though no matter how good a singer Badd is, if the "Ace Attorney" cast participated in a karaoke contest, he'd be facing some fierce competition from Edgeworth's performance of "My Way" and Maya's rendition of "If You Want a Burger".

 ********Filling The Void – Epilogue Respons** **e** **********************

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM** – (I'm only responding to this here because you don't read _Turnabout Everlasting_ where I will be doing all the other Void Epilogue responses!)

Now that I'm done ROTFL about your lacklustre ear witnessing…. I can't believe that you had to be succumbed to listening to dull and unenthusiastic sounding sex in your university days… And no doubt the girl screaming how could you do that was undoubtedly victim to the guy trying to talk his way out of the biggest boner no-no moment of "oops, I slipped!" You're absolutely right Phoenix would never pull that shows… At least not without permission and a whole lot of lube! 😜

I never understood that concept anyway Louis CK put it perfectly about female gates of Mordor vs. the back door… "[it's] the greatest place on earth to be… Why would I want to f*ck some dried up little a*shole?!"

I remember when I lived in my first basement apartment that landlord was this tiny little Indian dude who was a bodybuilder and did steroids… Not that I know much about every ethnic kind of junk by do know that roids shrink your boys and Russell Peters alone has dismissed all Desi boys as possessing more _schlort_ than _schlongs_ … ahem….

Anywhore, my landlord had a really surprisingly beautiful Miss California look-alike girlfriend… Who would come over and "fake porn" her way throughout the entire night… I remember hearing the bed frames squeaking and her cries were never quite in sync to the movements, if you can catch my drift! Sometimes would year her start doing her Jenna Jamison worthy moaning and groaning _before_ the action even started – it was like the world's worst skin flick! The sessions were also really quick too… At least entertain me with an all-night sex-athon like Nick and Maya! 😆

Of course nothing comes without a price in this case, the world luckiest/unluckiest couple had to pay with the walk of shame in a manner of speaking the next morning when cyanide seemed preferable to their serenade, only made worse than Maya having to listen to the innocent musings of her naïve daughter not understanding the difference between the drivable Hummer and the kind that was required to get into the Phoenix Wright fan club!

The pervert in the bowler hat named David Krisler was a joke CzarThwomp made about Kristoph having a lame disguise when he snuck the evidence to Trucy by giving her the forged evidence to get to Phoenix for his doomed final trial… Therefore he would've been the one trying desperately to seek entrance… (Obviously not into Phoenix since he would've failed miserably since Phoenix doesn't swing that way in this story) into the fan club because the creepiscle dildo is a voyeuristic pervert but had access denied by Larry Butz! It's funny what could've easily been Klavier since Apollo Justice game showed how the two then were virtually interchangeable except for a pair of spectacles!

I figure Maya had seven years of meditating and harnessing all that sexual energy stored up and raring to go to keep up with Phoenix's gold medal Olympian stamina in the boudoir…(Saving all my love for you indeed haha!) Although she still ended up needing a break and forcing Phoenix to go sightseeing is because the poor girl would've needed a cane if they'd stayed in the room another minute!

I'm really not in the habit of killing off canon characters except for that one time in my drabble when I through Wocky Kitaki and Robin off of the cliff under the prompt "Falling" but… Most of my readers know how much I hate that furry wannabe so that was really no surprise. But no way would ever kill off The Edgeworth… I love him too much although I have a lot of fun making my readers think that the dramatic mama Edgeworth was sobbing at a funeral when she was really crying about finally having to cut the apron strings!

Apparently I help wonderful readers in Europe who say despite their flawless reviews, that English is not the first language better their English, and apparently I am Dorothy because I taught a tin man how to feel although I've never seen you as anything but a close and loving friend but perhaps I am one of the few chosen ones who are privy to see that secret softer side of you! You say you're not a fan of sappy things but I've seen you slip a few lines here and there in your story with Lyn fawning and cooing over Miles even if it's internally… Not that we blame her of course since he is a hunk even though grumpy one! And a generous one since he did fund the Phaya Boinkfest… And made sure everybody celebrated the momentous occasion! Also, I'm always really happy to have my love scenes appreciated as much as my drama and moreover my comedy! Blending sexual comedy with heavy emotional drama was a crazy hard challenge and chapters of the story took longer than even Turnabout Everlasting in some cases as my comedy is something I'm never going to be as confident in as my steam and emotional scenes, so your kind words mean the world to me, and I'm so excited to be working with you on our future collaboration, Lyn! People like you are the reason I keep Wrighting… Your review put a huge smile on my sick mug that was so big he couldn't have wiped it off with an ammonia-soaked sponge! Thank you for being a friend. 😘

Hugs,  
JP


	85. Maya Mia

_JP: For Jove's Boy. This can be seen as Phoenix's counterpart to Maya's solo – Jailbird Queen, from chapter 69, (another ABBA parody) or on its own. If you do reference it, lemme know who paid better homage to the Swede's… the Comeback King or his bae, the Burger Queen?_ 😛

 _CT: I swear, at this point, I can't help but imagine Phoenix and Maya frequently having date nights at a karaoke bar since it's not only cheap (Phoenix needs every cent he can muster if he hopes to have even the slightest chance of satiating Maya's four bottomless stomachs on a daily basis), but it would also give them plenty of opportunities to sing some romantic duets. Though in regards to this song, Phoenix should thank his lucky stars that Franziska chose not to spy on the detention center again, otherwise, Phoenix would exit the building, only to find Franziska waiting in the parking lot so that she could whip him to the point where he'd be unable to defend Maya any longer on account of being in a coma._

* * *

 _ **"Maya Mia!"**_ **  
Sung to the tune of ABBA's "Mamma Mia"  
from the musical play/movie  
** _ **"Mamma Mia"**_

 _Kingdom of Khura'in Detention Centre_ – May, 2028

"Why do you insist on risking your life for a woman that was merely your old office subordinate?" Rayfa demanded of Phoenix, hands on her hips. "Maya Fey was naught more than your underling, was she not? How is her life more important to you than your own?"

"She wasn't just my employee, Your Benevolence. Maya was – _is_! – my friend. My _best_ friend. So of course, I care about her, and it's only natural I'd want to do all I could to save her life!"

"What cockamamie custom is this?" Rayfa snorted. "Befriending the _help_? What nonsense!"

"Don't you and your parents care about your palace servants?" He tried another angle with her. "How about Nayna, your pocket internet? Surely you care about her at least?!"

"How dare you compare that… Philistine Foreign Spirit Medium … a mere _commoner_ , with my _Nayna_!" Rayfa clenched her fists. "And of course, my parents treat our servants as well as can be expected! They all get new uniforms twice a year and only work a half-day on their birthdays!"

Phoenix sighed deeply. Trying to rationalize anything with the hot-headed teen was purely an exercise in futility.

 _Attempting to reason with this girl only leaves me as hopeless as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest!_

"Well, to each their own, I guess. I may not be able to convince you that Maya isn't guilty, but I know this woman! She couldn't even stab a French fry with a plastic fork! Ergo, I believe in her… and it's all aboard the Phoenix Freedom Express!"

"Hrrnh!" The Lolli princess huffed sullenly. "I don't like the sound of that Phoenix Freedom Express one bit!"

"Why would you have an objection to that? Do you know what the Freedom Express means?"

"Augh! Of course, I know! D – Do not presume to know what I do not know!" The mini rage monkey glared at him. "What I still don't know is the real reason of your persistence in risking your own life to save this woman! Is this truly how you Americans are with all your former underlings? With those who are just your friends?"

"Well…" Phoenix felt himself beginning to sweat-drop. "Maya and I… it's complicated. We have a long history, you see. Her late sister was my mentor! Her little cousin sees me as a father figure of sorts – and is best friends with my daughter!"

"You have a _daughter_ and you still would die for this woman?!" Rayfa eyed him incredulously. "I question your sanity, Barbed Head! Explain yourself at once!"

"Maybe me _talking_ isn't going to give you the answers you seek…" Phoenix hedged, then put his hands on his hips and smiled confidently as inspiration struck. "Perhaps I can try to explain her – my – our dynamic a bit better in song…"

* * *

I've been assisted by Maya since I don't know when  
But now she's being framed for murder again  
Someday, somehow, she might catch a break  
I don't know how … but she needs a real lawyer, so ...  
There's a Wright right inside her soul!  
Just one look with the magatama thing,  
Just one look and Wright can see everything,  
W-o-o-o-oh…

* * *

" _Jumping elephant fleas! Nick?!"_

" _Jiminy Christmas!"_ The startled spiky-haired man spun around and found the thrice homicide accused standing on the other side of the glass, gaping at him. " _M – Maya?!_ What are you doing here again?! I thought visiting hours were over, hence why you'd left!"

"Um, Mr. Saad Ma'an here..." The raven-haired beauty gestured to the stern-faced, uniformed guard standing by the door. "Decided to be nice enough to let me come back, because I forgot my Plumed Punisher Limited Edition strap. I came back in time to hear your surprisingly lilting musical testimonial!"

Her voice was filled with bewilderment now, but not without a touch of amusement.

"Since when can _you_ sing, Nick?"

"Er, I didn't know I could!" He blushed furiously, as he'd never intended to have the subject of his impromptu lyrics ever overhear them! "And I normally never do…except in the shower! Heh, heh…"

"You started this, Barbed Head, so you may as well finish this… tomfoolery." Rayfa's tone was no-nonsense and commanding. "Carry on with your little song and dance, and pay no mind to your now larger audience!"

 _Guess I'll have to muster up my latent poker-face to hide this latest burning shame and a newfound sense of inadequacy!_

To his amazement, the guard suddenly held up his cell phone, which was now playing the instrumental version of the ABBA hit on the _MeTube_ app, which was apparently the country's own video streaming channel, and nodded encouragingly for the blue attorney to continue his serenade.

Phoenix turned his attentions, previously directed at the unimpressed teen, and faced his flummoxed ex-assistant as he resumed belting out his on-the-fly stanza.

* * *

Maya Mia, you're in jail again  
Don't fret, I will not desist you!  
Maya Mia, I'm here till the end  
To have faith, defend and assist you

* * *

The charges will be discarded  
From death row you will be darted  
I'll bring an end to this newfound woe  
Maya Mia, I won't let you go  
Be swung on those deadly gallows

* * *

I dunno why bad things keep happening to you  
Things look grim for us now; Yuti says we are screwed…

* * *

" _Yuti_?" Rayfa's eye began to twitch again. "Nnnngrrrr …. What is the meaning of this, you nincompoop?! How dare you speak of our pious monk prosecutor in such an insolent manner?!"

"Er, sorry, Your Benevolence. I have the attention span of a pint of yak butter, given the stress of these dire circumstances." Phoenix gulped and offered a sickly grin. "I meant to say … ah, _Franzy_! That's the name of the other prosecutor back in LA, who also accused Maya of erroneous murder charges – under circumstances that were shadier than a fat man's ankles!"

"These charges are _not_ erroneous, you big dummy!" Franziska Junior wielded her staff dangerously, looking very much ready to THWONK the attorney over the head with it – _again_! "That neophyte practitioner is as doomed as _you_ will be since you insist on not withdrawing from this case and possibly getting your sentence commuted!"

"Th – that's what _you_ believe, Your Benevolence!" Phoenix insisted fervently. "But as a lawyer, and her friend, I will always have faith in Maya's innocence now, just as much as I did back then! Ahem, please allow me to continue with my retracted verse…"

" _Hmph_!" Rayfa scowled and crossed her arms but begrudgingly nodded her assent for him to continue. "As I said before…Bravado will get you nowhere, Barbed Head!"

* * *

I dunno why bad things keep happening to you  
Things look grim for us now; _Franzy_ says we are screwed  
What does she know? That foolish whip-happy ho!  
I swear I'll prove her case is all wrong  
Ship her back home where she belongs!  
There's no way you could have done such a thing!  
I'll object until I prove everything, w-o-o-o-oh

* * *

Maya Mia, you're in jail again  
Don't fret, I will not desist you!  
Maya Mia, I'm here till the end  
To have faith, defend and assist you

* * *

The charges will be discarded  
From death row you will be darted  
I'll bring an end to this newfound woe

* * *

Maya Mia, I will fight and pray  
For you, as your friend forever  
Maya Mia, I will find a way  
I'll persist in all my endeavors!

* * *

Maya Mia, you're in jail again  
Don't fret, I will not desist you!  
Maya Mia, I'm here till the end  
To have faith, defend and assist you

* * *

The charges will be discarded  
From death row you will be darted  
I'll bring an end to this newfound woe  
Maya Mia, I won't let you go  
Be swung on those deadly gallows

* * *

"That was an entertaining, yet unknown tune you warbled, I will concede this much." The royal priestess eyed him coolly as Maya and Saad Ma'an applauded enthusiastically when the song ended. "However, all it did was let me know that you are a tenacious, albeit a simpleton example of an attorney. One who never knows when to quit while he's ahead! It still does not explain your specific willingness to die for this woman – a question you still have not directly answered!"

"He didn't answer the question?" Maya blinked in surprise and flashed a puzzled smile. "What's going on, Nick?"

"Yes, you just broke into song in a foreign prison – don't tell me you're shy all of a sudden!" The guard added cheerfully. "Also, by royal decree… it would be a great slight against Her Benevolence to ignore her direct query."

Phoenix felt a knot forming in his stomach as three sets of eyes now stared at him quizzically.

 _Great thundering jellyfish on the squishy road to mayhem! This is going to be more disturbingly intimate than seeing Stephen King get a hot butter massage – since I'll have to convey the truth about everything…before the merciless eyes of a petulant princess and random prison guard!_

"You look pained, Barbed Head." Rayfa eyed him suspiciously. "Is there a reason you are not answering my original question?"

"Well, I _did_ throw out my back earlier trying to partake in your prayer ritual." He awkwardly scratched his neck. "If I move too suddenly, it still sort of feels like I gave birth to a bouncing baby hernia. I guess I'm still not be used to this cold mountain air…"

"I guess you should answer Her Benevolence, Nick." Maya flashed a cheeky grin. "Unless you want to end up locked in here with me for sassing the royal family!"

Her tone was light, but the questioning look on her lovely visage matched the inquiring one glimmering within the emerald eyes of the royal priestess, minus the overt hostility!

Maya was asking about more than just the song. She too, clearly wanted to know the real reason why he was putting his neck on the line for her – this time _literally_!

Phoenix swallowed hard. There was no way he was going to get out of this now that the subject in question had asked the same query. He could see the unspoken query in those curious orbs that he adored as clear as day.

Moreover, Maya still had her magatama on her, so it wasn't like he could lie to her – because she'd _know_!

 _Stupid psyche locks!_

He never would have dreamed the object of his melody would hear not only the underlying message in the song, but the real truth behind his crazed actions… starting with his impromptu departure to West Asia the minute he'd heard her petrified scream on the cell phone before the connection had gone dead.

It was something that had been true for so long, but he'd never had the courage to say aloud.

 _FML! Still… not like I have a choice, and if we're both dead as of tomorrow, what does it matter, anyway? Oh boy… I guess it's now or never …_ _I'm as ready as a rooster taking a bath in barbecue sauce to finally spill out my most closely guarded secret._

He took a deep breath for courage.

"I _always_ have, and always _will_ keep defending you, Maya. Even though this is the greatest risk I've ever made, and the stakes are higher than any poker game I've ever played… I – I could _never_ abandon you, even though you've already told me to back away from this case twice already."

Phoenix faltered only for a minute as his gaze locked on hers, trying to convey from his heart what his mouth was trying fervently to suppress.

"I would never try to spare my life at the expense of yours. I can't. I never will. And the _reason_ I will always be there for you when you need me, both in and out of the courtroom, even if it means the end of my life as I know it, is…"

Swallowing hard, he cupped his hands over his nose and scrunched up his face, never taking his eyes off hers as he then feigned letting out a loud sternutation sound.

" _AISHITERU WA_!"

"Holy Mother bless you!" Exclaimed Saad Ma'an, while the spirit medium reeled back in astonishment, a hand clapped over her mouth and orbs widened in shock, but remaining transfixed on his.

"Thank you," Phoenix replied thickly, never tearing his gaze off Maya's even while addressing the guard as he waited, with bated breath, for her reaction to this bombshell. "I feel so much better now that I finally got _that_ … out of my system."

His breath caught in his throat as the psychic's dark eyes began to sparkle with tears as the weight of what he'd just uttered sank in.

"And just _what_ hodgepodge was _that_ , Barbed Head?" The oblivious Rayfa demanded suspiciously, forcing the lawyer to reluctantly break eye contact with the necromancer and swivel his head at her. "Was that strange sound intended to be some sort of cryptic, foreign devil code?!"

"Not at all! It was an unexpected expulsion of air, Princess. No hidden secret messages here!" He smiled winsomely while dramatically making a big show of pretending to sneeze again. " _Achoo_! _Aishiteru!_ Achoo! It's how we sneeze in um, America! It's that darn frigid mountain air, I'm telling you…"

" _Nngh_!" Rayfa shot him a disgusted look. "Your alien balderdash and wayward ways are beyond the pale, Barbed Head! I don't care to understand every word that was just spoken anymore – you bore me with your farcical shenanigans. I have no more time for either of you ill-fated nincompoops!"

With that, the royal priestess stormed off like a toddler with a thistle up her back end.

"I'm afraid that's our cue. I can't extend things any further. It's time for Miss Fey to go, Mr. Wright," the guard interjected, almost apologetically. Clearly, he'd enjoyed the performance immensely and was loath to bring things to an end. "Visiting hours are long over!"

"Maya… I'll see you in court tomorrow." Phoenix smiled bravely but averted his gaze now. He was almost afraid to look directly into the spirit medium's eyes again and fully assess her reaction to him putting his heart on the line so candidly. "Take care…"

As he turned to walk away, Maya's voice called after him.

"Nick, wait!"

As he turned his head, she earnestly cried out the words that changed the dynamic of their relationship forever.

"Elephant shoe, goo, Old Man!" Maya's heart was in her eyes, and as she saw the realization of her message dawning on his face, a faint smile played on her trembling lips. " _Elephant shoe goo!"_

As she turned to follow the guard, Phoenix's formerly thudding heart soared. Spinning on his heel to leave the detention center, he mentally channeled his inner Huey Lewis & The News from _Back To The Future_.

 _The power of love is a curious thing. Make one man weep, make another man sing_ …

Phoenix was whistling the tune almost cheerfully now as he left the detention centre to meet his surly investigative partner.

 _Don't need money, don't take fame. Don't need no credit card to ride this train. It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes. But it might just save your life. That's the power of love…_

"Stop dragging your feet, you big dummy!" Rayfa grumbled peevishly from the front entrance. "Contrary to what your phony baloney spirit medium thinks, I have many better, more important things to do than follow you around during this lost cause! I need to get back to the palace now!"

"Coming, Your Benevolence!" He called back merrily. "And might I add your unparalleled cynicism is like a breath of fresh air on a crowded subway?"

"Go ahead and make all the jokes, you want, Barbed Head! None of it matters anyway, you're both destined for the Twilight Realm!"

Phoenix merely chuckled softly in response and obediently followed the girl, unable to keep the slight spring from his step.

He no longer cared what abuse, verbal or otherwise, was heaped upon him.

No matter how terrible, there was no longer a single thing Rayfa Padma Khura'in could proclaim about Phoenix and Maya's doomed, inevitable fate that could've wiped the shit-eating grin off his face now.

Because he had The Power of Love on his side.

 _Just you wait, Princess. As long as Maya and I are together, we are an unstoppable force! We'll turn this trial inside out and upside down! The stakes may be higher than they've ever been, but I have no doubt this will be our biggest turnabout…_ _ever! Look out Khura'in… it's all aboard the Phoenix Freedom Express! Choo-choo!_

 _ **Huey Lewis & The News – The Power of Love**_

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _ ***Aishiteru wa**_ **– I love you  
(Japanese) man to woman**

 _ ****Aishiteru yo**_ _  
_ **(Japanese)** **  
from a woman to a man  
** **(FYI for my fellow otaku folks!)**

 _ **+Elephant Shoe**_ **(mouth these words while looking into a mirror)  
Then try mouthing **_**"Elephant Shoe Goo."**_ **  
You see what Maya did there? 😉**

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 84**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** Considering how much Justine praised Ray when he told her that he took on his clients pro bono, I believe that she would pretty much have a lawgasm the second she saw Phoenix behind the defense's bench and would go out of her way to be lenient towards his arguments while putting unfair pressure on his opposition, much like how the regular judge is with every prosecutor- especially after he gets his badge back in "Dual Destinies" since he would get brownie points on account of both him and Justine being single adoptive parents.

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Phoenix and Justine met at a single parent's support group sometime after his disbarment and they became quick friends. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the reason's Phoenix's plan in "Apollo Justice" worked considering that he would have needed quite a few powerful connections- even though the "Ace Attorney" universe bends to Edgeworth and his mighty logic, he is still only a single person- in order to overhaul the legal system so that he could enact his stacked jury.

In regards to Franziska being a cat- I know that my wonderful co-writer probably feels that I'm akin to a broken record at this point with how often I've brought up both this joke, as well as Edgeworth Puddle, but I've got to say it anyways- you don't have to imagine it when you can just read Chapter 5 of JP's _"Filling the Void",_ in which Franziska embraces her inner feline and decides to claw at Phoenix's sizeable catnip-laced scratching p

 **JP:** Phoenix tends to get flustered around attractive women so I would be most interested to see how he would be getting overruled by the most pneumatic female still alive ever since April May… (Mia doesn't count since she's gone and he had at least a few years of getting used to her distracting… Assets!) And as for _Cats_ … With the exception of the pretty song the _Memory..._ save yourself the money on an antihistamine… This could be my own feline itchy aversion of course… But I sincerely don't think you're really missing anything!

Also, it's not everyone's cup of tea so I'm not sure if you read it, but it's funny that you mentioned Franziska as a cat, since I basically wrote her having a steamy carnal encounter in my story _Filling The Void_ where she was essentially Cat Woman! 😉

p.s. Holy sweet baby of Mary… I swear that I did up my replies _first_ while I waited for my funnyman copilot to give me his replies, and it looks like great/depraved minds think alike since _he_ made the same Franny the crazed cat woman reference from my steamy FF that _I_ did! Yup, that's the power of CT and JP for you…sharing warped senses of humour as partners committing crimes against music for over 1.5 years strong now! 😆

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Knowing Simon, when he goes to the prison showers, he puts on his meek, timid appearance in order to cause the other prisoners to lower their guard, only to pounce on them when their backs are turned and add some stuffin' to their muffins while maniacally laughing the entire time.

In regards to "Ace Attorney" characters having stands, Edgeworth already has one, and its name is Gumshoe.

 **JP:** Hi Lyn! Badd was definitely meant to be modelled after the whole noir film genre, and yes _Sin City_ would definitely be where he would fit right in! I hate that my favourite detective is a character not everybody knows about since not everybody played the Miles games but at least the first one was localized! My headcanon is that Badd is a fan of movies relating to any cool cops and of course I love retro music hence Beverly Hills Cop's _Shakedown_ being his theme in my mind… Did I ever tell you that the main theme for Axle of that movie was my ring tone for years?

Yeah, I doubt Simon would get the death penalty because I think Justine Courtney considering he had her son kidnapped would have a lot more fun seeing him get tortured in prison! Also, I had no idea you had a kink for whips…holy Matt Engarde! That was his fate in JFA, to taste Fran's leather… Is that your way of alluding to something kinky to be written be seeing soon and your fanfiction (well more than the last one anyway!)? 😉

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** And then to add insult to injury, Capcom did it once again with the DGS series and Hart Vortex, a.k.a. Gant 2.0- or is it Gant .5 since Hart technically came before Gant in the overall timeline? But really, First Blaise, then Simon, and most recently Hart Vortex… What is it with Capcom and not letting their mastermind villains officially leave Japan?

 **JP:** I've said it before and I'll say it again… You're really not missing much the storyline is ridiculous plus some more of a dog person! Simon Keyes is definitely the most relatable if not outright likable in the series but the biggest crime of all that they never localized the Miles two game! I know the Phoenix Wright musical it's bizarre but you're a fan of my work, which is not always considered _the norm_ so I thought the very least you might get a great earworm from _Wright Is Wrong!_ That being said I'm really excited to tell you that I finally found inspiration for _Try Everything_ for you! I hope you like what I come up with and you will also see the actual song itself come up in Turnabout Everlasting soon I want to thank you for your patience milady, you being such a gracious and loyal reader is so appreciated it's the very least I can do! 😊

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** To be fair, Simon was pretty much screwed the moment he was born considering that he has the misfortune of being the son of Dane Gustavia, a.k.a. the pastry chef version of Zak "the Jerk" Gramarye, who abandoned and developed a hatred for him just because he wasn't there to taste his deserts a single time because he was busy being kidnapped by his best friend. Then, after nearly freezing to death and developing severe retrograde amnesia, Simon was thrown into an orphanage where Patricia abused him with her repeated interrogations just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And due to the fact that he had inadvertently gotten on Blaise's bad side, Simon had to spend every moment of his life from that day until Blaise was finally arrested living in fear and always on the move to keep safe from the P.I.C. Chairman's goons. So suffice to say, at this point in Simon's life, a bad trial stacked against him would be like a drop in the ocean.

 **JP:** The one thing I gotta give Simon credit for his he was able to pull the wool over the eyes of the logical genius known as Miles Edgeworth! That would have been the equivalent of Phoenix felt when he fell victim to the duplicitous Matt Engarde! Simon of course at least had the reasons for attempted self-preservation for his dastardly deeds! Not saying that makes anything he did okay… But I _understand_!

Huzzah about A03! I'm happy that I can publicly acknowledge the dedication of the story to one of my most loyal readers on both sides now! 😊

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** True, but even though Simon was probably sentenced to a few years of prison, his trouble wouldn't end after his release- in fact, they'd only just be beginning. After all, Shelly may have promised Dogen that he would allow Simon to live and serve his prison sentence, but he said nothing about what he would do after said sentence was completed. So just like Matt, chances are that Simon's going to want to stay in prison for as long as possible and do whatever he can to make that happen.

 **JP:** if I were to make a list of people who I don't think got the death penalty or life imprisonment, Dee Vasquez, Godot and Iris would be on that list (every single one of them would only be on the hook for cover-up dammit was with these people and coverups! And I suppose Simon Keyes would as well be spared his life, but considering Kay was when his victims, and her affiliation with people in law enforcement, (adopted niece of Detective Badd, daughter of esteemed late prosecutor Byrne Faraday, assistant and friend to The Edgeworth as well as being the person who found the kidnapped son of Judge Justine Courtney) I don't think you were talking about a slap on the wrist here… Plus is associated with an assassin which does not say much for character reference! That being said as far as villains went, he was possibly the most likable one and probably the most brilliant! If he'd left poor Kay alone, I would've rooted for him 100% but considering he messed with the lovable ninja, he only gets 75% of my support! 😊

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** Upon listening to the original song, I was quickly reminded of Professor Moriarty myself. That's why I decided to use Simon instead of Manfred, the character who was originally suggested to be the subject of the parody. Sure, Manfred had bent the judicial system to his will for 40 years, but considering how Simon was able to get two people killed and another two arrested by simply writing two letters, putting a chisel in a portable chess set, and kidnapping Kay and putting her on the roof of the Grand Tower, I think that he's a more fitting character for the part. Plus, like Macavity, Simon is a ginger- well, as much as Dahlia is- though unlike the fiendish cat, he takes such pride in his hair that he allows only the most well-trained of chipmunks comb it.

With how Justine is, after how Simon kidnapped her adopted son and kept him locked up in a freezer, she wouldn't just throw the entire library at Simon, she would push over a bookshelf and crush him under it like the insect he is in her eyes. Sure, Simon may have indirectly saved her life, but in Justine's law-worshipping eyes, there are very few, if any, grey areas- you're either a just individual or a spawn of Satan (or in Sebastian's case, a spawn of Satan with a heart of gold).

 **JP:** I really do like the idea of Franziska singing as evident in pretty much all my works I have made it so that the entire cast of Ace Attorney can sing except for the Payne brothers. They sound like sick cats being dragged through rusty farm machinery when they're singing!

Interesting trivia about the inspiration for Macavity being inspired by Professor Moriarty, whom Holmes described as the Napoleon of crime! But just because Andrew Lloyd Webber is a fellow Brit like the literary genius Doyle and is worthy of all the acclaim he's made in the world of musical theatre doesn't mean he's not capable having a few stinkers!

I was not impressed with _Cats._ In fact, I get hives just thinking of _that_ many felines on screen at the same time in the movie _Cats_. And this is coming from someone who suffered through the play, which of the many musicals I've seen I still I possibly like that less than _Les Miserables_ and that's saying something… At least the latter had more good songs than just the one called _Memory_ if you're interested. Considering all these years later I'm still stricken from the sight of seeing a seven-year-old boy get shot! Victor Hugo was one miserable sod… if you're interested I can tell you what the non-cute Disney version of _The Hunchback Of Notre Dame_. It's almost as harrowing as the trailer for the frisky felines itself!

I know you haven't played the Miles two game (or the first one even though I keep nagging you to so you can firsthand fully bask in the awesomeness that is Detective Badd!) But spoiler… Simon Keyes was responsible for kidnapping Justine Courtney's son… Therefore she would definitely throw the book at him. And if you remember from the fate of poor Armie Buff's father in Spirit of Justice… Books can be deadly, yo! 😆

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** While Maya may be capable of channeling any dead person who she knows the face and true name of, the threat diminishes when you realize that she's more or less lending her body to the spirit and isn't actually controlling them. Sure, it would prove to be a threat if Maya channeled an evil person like Dahlia or Manfred, but if she channeled someone like, say, Dhurke to beat Phoenix up just because he refused to buy her burgers for the 20th time that day, the only thing Phoenix would be in danger of would be a bear hug and a pleasant bit of small talk. Though as for Kay, considering how she contemplates using Blaise's sledgehammer as her weapon of choice if the player examines it while in the Debeste garage, I think it's safe to say that Edgeworth should sleep with one eye open, lest Kay decides one day to steal his life as well as his wallet.

In regards to "Ace Attorney 7", a good prosecutor would be literally anyone other than Nahyuta. Now, I've vented my frustration towards Nahyuta on numerous occasions, so you know exactly why I want to punch His Assholiness into the Twilight Realm, but I'll say it again: with the exception of everyone to ever be a part of Troupe Gramarye, Nahyuta is one of the biggest jerks in the entirety of the series. Hell, I'd go as far as to say that Nahyuta is a bigger jerk than even Manfred. Sure, Manfred sent countless innocent people to prison for the sake of his perfect record, as well as killed a defense attorney for calling him out on something he did wrong, resulting in him getting a single penalty- not losing the trial, not losing his badge, but a single penalty- and then proceeded to mold the man's son in his image for the sake of revenge, but at least Manfred was honest with himself. Whenever Manfred was present, he always made it clear that he wasn't there to be anyone's friend or for any reasons involving being a decent human being, but rather as a means to an end to further his perfect record, and that he would take down anyone who dared to get in his way- men, women, children, one of those sad three-legged puppies, ect. Whereas Nahyuta, on the other hand, preaches about how he's so enlightened and pure of soul one second, only to constantly rant about how the adopted brother he supposedly loves would be going to hell for having the gall to try to give his friend a fair trial and rally the gallery into a hate mob the next. Hopefully, one day, some ex-Defiant Dragons decide to repay the favour to Nahyuta for sending so many of their allies to their deaths by giving him a one-way ticket to one of the many hells he likes to talk. Perhaps Nahyuta will be sent to the previously-mentioned Hell of Reality Television where he can keep the gaudy rose-covered gold throne warm until Roger dies and claims his rightful place as ruler of that realm.

 **JP:** In my stories I've had a lot of fun with Maya threatening to channel badass fighterslike Bruce Li and Mohammed Ali… Although Iris got to most of the fun of channeling cool dead celebrities in Turnabout Everlasting although you give me some really great ideas about what I can do with my favourite videogame heroine going forward thank you! Athena is supposed to be such a strong and kick ass character which only makes me cringe even more about her regression in Spirit of Justice. I could go on and on about that for ages… But I really hope they have a go back to being the character I came to a door in Dual Destinies! Not that she didn't have her cute moments in SOJ, but for the love of God how could she not read Phoenix's heart weeping in pain about his bae being kidnapped?! Grrrrrr…..

You say _terrifying_ female characters I say freakin _awesome_! 😉

I do like the idea of a culture where women are typically subservient to have created such wonderful strong women - also although she's not an assistant except for one case there is also the adorable Ema Skye who can Snackoo you to death while looking like an adorable chipmunk the whole time while she munches on her deadly weapons!

That being said…the scariest thing of all is that _Cats_ trailer. Like, nightmare fuel. Wendy Oldbag twerking in a bikini level of nightmare fuel.

" _So, you know from "Pick Your Poison" when Blaise tortures Sebastian by pushing him down a slide of paper into a pool of lemon juice? Well, do that, but replace Sebastian with Nahyuta. Dear lord, I want that Monk to burn! Burn I say! Throw him into the fire pits of Labyrinthia, but without the secret exit. Nahyuta takes after_ _ **her**_ _mother in being... just, the worst."_

Your wishful fate for "putrid woman-child" had me in stitches… and just made me like you more, if that's even possible! It made up for the burn caused by Crapcom for giving us Sweet Fanny Adams about AA 7 at the gameshow. Fart knockers!

by the way few things bond people together more than their share dislike of another person even if in this case it's a fictional character a.k.a. the newly christened Benedict Sadmahdi!

I hope they don't bring back Prosecutor Flutterdull… Or if they insist on cramming him down our throats like a stale Snackoo, at the very least toss his ass into a DLC case with a brief cameo as they did with Klavier, and bring back prosecutor is that we love! Bring back, Franny! At least _mention_ Godot! Even Simon would be fine… No more gimmicks though… I'm completely tapped out of the freaking weirdos of the prosecutor's office! I would be really happy to see the fop square off against Phoenix personally!

I don't think Trucy needs to make crazy demonize in order to spook out Apollo (if you have read TE, my headcanon is that Apollo's eyes are the ones that turn spooky demonic red when he is perceiving/mad and I've seen some wonderful fan arts showing his beautiful amber eyes burning an intense red!) All she'd have to do is threaten to make him her assistant to have him run away screaming like she was with Athena in Turnabout Time Traveler! Either that or tell him that he's going to be on toilet duty after the entire gang goes out for Mexican food…😱

It was a pleasure to hear from you dear reader and it was really great to see you update your story again - looking forward to the next episode!

Cheers,  
JP


	86. Trucy's Song

_CT: I can't believe that it took us this long to do a parody for this song. I mean, it's such a perfect fit for Trucy on account of the fact that the song is about singing the praises of a small, cute adolescent magician. Not to mention, both Trucy and Ashley have a short sidekick with horns and a red motif that they like to torture. Heck, the only differences between Trucy and Ashley are that they have opposite color schemes, with the former wearing blue while the latter prefers red, and personalities, with the former being cheerful and bubbly while the latter is dark and brooding._

 _JP: And… new month, new theme! November month is video games…and so decided it was time for a switcheroo again. Look out for my villain song to come up next…but first, my awesome partner takes on some uncharacteristic fluffy sibling bonding and singing, stemmed from a game spinoff of possibly the most famous video game character on earth! It's-A-Me! Mario! Er, Wario! Also… gotta love CT for rivalling me now for his gratuitous use/acknowledgement of (Nick being a) DILF!_ 😉

* * *

" _ **Trucy's Song"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Ashley's Song"  
from the **_**WarioWare**_ **and** _ **Smash Bros.**_ **game series**

{Apollo}

Who's the girl in charge,

Of the Anything Agency?

* * *

{Trucy}

Prepare to be amazed,

'Cause I'm Trucy!

* * *

{Apollo}

She knows all kinds of tricks,

Though torture is her specialty.

* * *

{Trucy}

Wanna peek inside my Magic Panties?

* * *

{Apollo}

Trust me,

Don't let that cute face of hers deceive you.

* * *

{Trucy}

Don't underestimate,

The Awesome Trucy!

* * *

{Apollo}

She loves gossip, kittens,

And all things Gavinners.

* * *

{Trucy}

I've always got time for stuff like that!

* * *

{Trucy}

My white glove,

So Daddy can find love!

Daddy's D.I.L.F. eyes,

Now all the girls sigh!

Polly's horns,

You'll wish you were not born!

Uncle Edgeworth's weird napkin thing!

Oh no,

Now they're bored!

* * *

{Apollo}

She's been here for years,

But has yet to clean the toilet.

* * *

{Trucy}

All the coolest people adore Trucy!

* * *

{Apollo}

Don't get on her bad side,

Or regret it in an instant.

* * *

{Trucy}

That's why Polly's now my assistant!

* * *

{Trucy}

I love all of my fans,

Although,

You see,

Well,

One of them tried to steal my panties.

But that's in the past,

And was just a single scheme.

But if that's not true,

I'll scream!

* * *

{Apollo}

Who's the girl in charge,

Of the Anything Agency?

* * *

{Trucy}

Prepare to be amazed,

'Cause I'm Trucy!

* * *

{Apollo}

Just remember this,

When you see her on the stage:

* * *

{Trucy}

I'm the cutest magician you'll see!

I'm the coolest magician you'll see!

I'm the greatest magician you'll see!

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 85**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya Lyn! Oh, I am very well aware that you're not only a saddest, but a bit of a masochist… I've been reading your works for years especially that last don't, knocking if you see this car a rockin' scene in MT! 😉

I was never an avid watcher of Seinfeld but declaring love for the sins greatly disgraced United Airlines is right up there with the guy dropping down to tie his shoelace with his girlfriend at the Eiffel Tower… I wonder how many impromptu proposals that has sparked over the years? It reminds me of that boardgame Mad Gab – Wheel Yum Air Ream He? 😆

At this point, I'm pretty sure Maya has a wing named after her revolving door at the prison. I can just see it now:

" _Hey Joe. Long time no see! How's your lovely wife?"_

" _Hiya, fave jailbird queen! Kate's well, pregnant with our second. How's little Pearl?"_

" _Well, and still a vegetarian! But I'm slowly bringing her over to the beef side by introducing her to the new Beyond Meat burgers that are all the rage now… soon enough she won't know the difference if I swap them out, they taste so much like the real thing…"_

 **CT:** With how many times Maya has been arrested, I wouldn't be surprised if she gets the friends and family discount in regards to the detention center's menu. Not to mention, Maya probably gets the good cell- the one that was never linked to the prison via an underground passageway.

Great, now I can't help but imagine an "Ace Attorney" "Seinfeld" parody in which Edgeworth is Jerry, Franziska is Elaine, Larry is Kramer, Apollo is George, and Gumshoe is Newman. Oh my gosh, now I'm picturing Larry inadvertently becoming a pimp and Apollo yelling to Athena about how he's a little bit… lacking because he was in the pool. And let's not forget Edgeworth shutting down Tres Bien because he saw Jean leave the bathroom without washing his hands- something that I can see happening in general.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** I think the majority of ABBA fans out there will agree that Dancing Queen, being their most popular song is probably there more favourited one compared to the rest of the Swedish band's multiple hits, although I'm glad despite your aversion to the group, a splash of Phaya was all that was required to keep your attention long enough to read the parody!

Stubborn as a mule and now pipsqueak Princess… Let's just call her Lolli Princess and be done with it shall we? While she was pretty terrible at the beginning of the game, compared to her knob jockey brother, she was a real _pip_! (See what I did there?) 😛

One of the things that made me start liking Rayfa was after the first day of the trial with the third case, she seemed to acknowledge that there is something up between Phoenix and Maya; at least, something that warranted her backing off and letting them have some uninterrupted solo time when talking at the prison. This makes me think the sheltered child is bit more perceptive than we initially thought, or at least didn't completely have a heart of stone, which definitely makes me like her more than her brother, Benedict Sahdmadhi, and mother, you know the latter one who set by idly and watched her children be tormented for years at the hands of the bloodthirsty spider?

When I was looking up how to say I love you in Japanese it was very interesting to see how profound it is in that culture it's not something to say lightly in more than likely not in public it's a culture where rather than use a lot of verbal affection they show their love for those closest to them more out of their acts and the things that are willing to do for them… You know like getting halfway across the world at the drop of a hat (I know some people may have criticized Phoenix for leaving Trucy alone at the time but she was also with her brother who Phoenix is trusted her with for the last two years, and Trucy has proven to be pretty capable on her own accord, like my partner mentions in the comment below) and risking their lives on now _two_ occasions… 😉

 **CT:** Don't forget the fact that Phoenix ran across a burning bridge for Maya's sake. Though as for Trucy, considering that she's been the main breadwinner of the family, as well as the Anything Agency's accountant, I think it's safe to say that even though Phoenix loves his daughter with all of his heart, he knows that she would be more than capable of surviving without him. Heck, if anything, Trucy could thrive since she'd be able to guilt Edgeworth into adopting her and giving her all of the opportunities and meals in the world thanks to his vast connections and wealth that makes the Monopoly Man look like a mere pauper. Though speaking of which, if Edgeworth adopted Trucy, she would once again have a second assistant at her disposal in the form of Gumshoe.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** thanks for the good laugh dear reader! I think it's wonderful to hear readers appreciate music that comes before their own generation… That means I don't have too many of them rolling their eyes so hard they can see down their backs when they read my works as I am an avid fan of older/retro music in all my stuff although in this case the add that I was not my own choosing but was requested by Jove's Boy. Ever since I saw Bohemian Rhapsody with the Ace Attorney characters music video, with them featuring the beautiful busty lawyer during the mama Mia song moments I have definitely shared your same mentality that ABBA would've been applicable back when the offices were Fey and & Co. Law offices! 😊

 **CT:** Even if Mia hated ABBA with a burning passion, I wouldn't be surprised if she played their songs nonstop when she first hired Phoenix as a way of getting back at him for making things difficult during his trial and for being an overall pain in the ass at the time- that, and making sure that she was regular every morning so as to remind him that girls do indeed poop when she would force him to clean the toilet.

And when Phoenix was disbarred and working at the Borscht Bowl, I can just picture him "playing" ABBA songs on the piano whenever Kristoph was at the restaurant in order to make the creepsicle suffer. I mean, knowing Kristoph, I wouldn't be surprised if he's an ABBA fan, so hearing Phoenix butcher their songs would be painful to him in more ways than one.

 **Chloemcg**

 **JP:** one of the greatest things about miss stubborn as a mule, (a.k.a. Princess Rayfa), who I initially could not stand but then actually liked very much near the end, because unlikeProsecutor Flutterdull (a.k.a. the putrid one), _she_ was not only given actual character development but you got to see the character development in the other characters based on the interactions with her. Phoenix went from being a hot-blooded young goofball lawyer who had to be scolded by his assistant not to yell out a little boy a.k.a. Cody Hackins to being a wiser kinder DILF who was very patient with Franziska Junior and even defended the terrible things that came out of her mouth to Maya, who although showed a newfound level headedness and maturity (and even maternal instinct towards the young girl later on), actually lost her mind and called out her benevolence on her crappy séance skills at one point! I know people rag on the second trilogy not being comparable to the first and I will agree for the most part but even if people don't like the overarching stories compared to the original trilogy I do enjoy the development they give their characters especially ones only seen in one game. It's so cute that you think Capcom should make an AA musical… You don't think the AA movies and stage plays in Japan and the fan-based ones are enough, milady? Neither do I! 😆

The closest thing CT and I will ever get to fame with our song fictions is having one of them turned into a music video with lyrics which an incredible reader on AO3 which offered to do for us! You better believe I am pimping that out on my wall if that actually comes to fruition! 😊

I think I'm going to play your Try Everything parody next month when we returned back to Disney because what's more Christmasy than Team Rodent songs? Plus it's warm and fuzzy and fluffy socks and just has her name written all over it my partner is very kind with his praise of the song I hope you share his sentiments about it!

Always a pleasure, milady.

 **CT:** Having seen JP's parody of "Try Everything" when looking it over, I think it's safe to say that you'll be very happy with it. But then again, considering that this is JP's parody we're talking about, I don't think that comes off as much of a surprise. After all, expecting JP to write a warm, fluffy parody that knocks your socks off is like expecting a fish to be good at swimming, or expecting Edgeworth to enjoy reading books, or expecting Winfred to one day get so fed up with his son's obnoxious behavior that he starts a side business in which he ties Wocky to a pole and charges people to punch the brat in the face- one dollar for the first punch, and 25 cents for each additional hit, with a 50 cent add-on for blows below the belt, of course.

Oh my gosh, now I can't help but picture JP being the first in line for that business with a sack filled with $500 worth of pennies that she would use instead of her fists.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** I will use any excuse to include some retro tunes in my works - in this case, the use of a real song in song parody series is a rarity, but since Phoenix was carrying on about The Power of Love in Time Traveler, it seemed to perfect as this was set in the SOJ timeline! Fun fact... Fredgeworth's love song (my other OTP) when Miles proposed to Franny in The Ties That Bind, was the OTHER power of love, by Celine Dion, so now we can say that the power of love is the running theme for both duos! :)

Big hugs to you for appreciating and knowing great music, sweetie! 😊

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** sometimes I wonder if Apollo puts up with Trucy's 'playful' abuse and can't ever say no to her because he loves her so much already despite not knowing the true nature of their relationship, (as exhibited in case two of SOJ), or if it's just out of genuine terror that she'll just permanently make him disappear or magically pants him in public if he ever puts his foot down! As we know Apollo does not like showing anyone that tattoo on his butt (which given Athena's gleeful Yen to want to see it so badly only added the fuel to my JusticeCykes ship!) and considers _that_ to be the ultimate "farewell my dignity"… You would think being the constant toilet cleaning office, Charley watering office butt monkey in general would've already put him there, but… Of course there's also the possibility that he fears Phoenix would just fire him if he dared sass his precious baby girl to think about as well… Either way no matter how you slice it… Polly is about as edgy as a beach ball in a bouncy castle!😛

The Great Thief is just freaking awesome and possibly deadly behind the adorable smile… Let's not forget the indelible influence of her adoptive Uncle Badass aka "Baddy Daddy" who touts a Swiss cheese bullet holed trench coat like a badge of armour, so I figure he's taught her a few tricks of the trade as well. I _definitely_ would not try to get into any kind of fistfight with her myself! I have a head cannon that the ninja knows some serious martial arts/fighter skill moves… I even made her give her nemesis a Trinity from _The Matrix Reloaded_ scorpion kick in my last chapter of _Turnabout Everlasting_! 😊

I think Manfred was probably at his most entertaining in the Bohemian Rhapsody Ace Attorney video where he is slamming his head against the wall in time to the beat… I mean that's bright was comical enough without the epic tune of Queen in the background when you add it to the mix… Pure win.

His daughter is pretty awesome (and surprisingly pretty given her Papa was Nosferatu!) so if Gummy got a mention in SOJ, I'd like to think she'd at least get that in AA7 if not a cameo! I won't hold my breath about Godot… I'll stick with my headcanon that he got out after a brief stint in the clink and is touring the Americas in search of the perfect blend!

 _The crown prince of douchebag_ …NOICE! I'm going to have to remember that one to describe that knob jockey (British people have the best non-swearing insults. That is all)… Just like my reasons to hate Melsa… The nicknames for _she-he-devil_ just keep on growing! 😆

I think about what they were trying to do with Athena… Many of the fandom saw her as a Mary Sue so they tried to show her as having some struggles etc. (probably also why they made her clumsy and always tardy to balance her being a prodigy teen genius with the body was swimsuit model) but only ended up making her look helpless and competent and every bit the headcase brat Betty accused her of being! Dammit Crapcom can't you get it Wright already?!

You're almost as good as my hilarious partner at coming up with nicknames for despicable characters… Let's think of one for the Queen Invertebrate while we are at it, shall we?

Always a delight to hear from fellow Phaya lovers! ❤

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** Personally, I feel that when Apollo uses his perceive ability, his eyes go really wide, his body stiffens, he starts grunting, and in general, looks like he's constipated. Essentially, I picture Apollo looking like Barnacle Boy when he tried to use his sulfur vision to destroy the conch signal in "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II". I mean, this is Apollo we're talking about. The poor guy couldn't scare anyone even if he burst into the courtroom swinging around a bloody machete while holding a severed head in his other hand. Why else would Trucy repeatedly abuse, insult, and barely pay Apollo without any hint of fear regarding the possibility of him snapping one day, coming into the office with a megaphone, and ending them all?

Why imagine Maya channeling a buff guy when we actually saw her do just that for the entire first half of "Turnabout Revolution" when she was helping Dhurke reunite with Apollo so he could spend some quality time with his son in the form of saving him from drowning and shipping him with his half-sister. So with that in mind, I think it's safe to say that Maya's more than capable of channeling even the buffest of buff guys and then going back to being the cute, bubbly girl that we all know and love.

Speaking of Roger, the sad part is that even though he killed his biggest fan/protégé for the sole purpose of getting revenge on a sweet, semi-innocent adolescent girl, he's actually a pretty decent person by Gramarye standards. I mean, sure, Roger's no Valant or Thalassa- even though I find her sheer reluctance to tell or allow Phoenix to inform Apollo and Trucy that she's their mother a bit questionable- but considering that he was at one point part of the same troupe as a man who abandoned his blind, amnestic daughter for the sake of blackmailing his protégés and devised a test of inheritance with the partial intent of destroying one of his apprentice's futures, and the other on being Zak, I think it's safe to say that Johnny Jr. isn't the worst apple in the bunch. Plus, while Roger may be a jerk, at least he's an enjoyable jerk in that the game doesn't try to make him look like some kind of poor, misunderstood soul like they do with Zak and Magnifi. Like I said previously, the latter abandoned his blind daughter who couldn't even remember her own name in a foreign nation just so he could blackmail his apprentices. So with that in mind, I highly doubt that Magnifi cared in the slightest if people used magic purely as a mean to an end. Heck, Magnifi and Zak used the perceive ability as a way to win poker- something that Trucy herself is guilty of during Phoenix's time as a card shark. Granted, in Trucy's defense, she was only eight-years-old when Magnifi died, so I highly doubt that she got to see the man when he was at his peak jerkiness. Though considering how big a jerk Magnifi was on his death bed, I think that's for the best. After all, it would be awfully hard for Trucy to remain so sweet and bubbly when her grandfather's going around burning down orphanages, volunteering at hospitals to tell terminally ill children that there is no Santa, and kicking a sad three-legged puppy… twice.

As for Franziska, I feel that the reason why she's been absent for so long is that she's been so busy traveling to various countries overseas as part of her work with Interpol. After all, knowing Franziska, with Edgeworth being chief prosecutor, she would want to spend more time in the Prosecutor's Office than ever before in order to ensure that he doesn't taint the Prosecutor's Office's reputation, as well as her own, with his foolishly foolish ways.

Though probably a better reason regarding Franziska's long absence is that she was devastated when Phoenix lost his badge. After all, Phoenix was her greatest rival, as well as the one who helped open her eyes to the fact that winning and perfect records aren't everything. So upon seeing Phoenix lose his badge, Franziska probably felt betrayed at how someone who helped better herself could fall victim to such a scandal, as well as a bit enraged that she was deprived. So with Phoenix regaining his badge and achieving international fame with his work in Khura'in as the Fighting Phoenix, I think it's safe to say that Franziska may make a comeback in an attempt to finally get her third case against Phoenix… in which Trucy considers Franziska as a strong mommy candidate on the grounds that not only is she rich, but she could also give her whip lessons that could prove helpful in both magic performances and keeping Athena in line.


	87. My Triumph (Will Be) Definite

_JP: For Yanmegaman. Dude, this was hard AF since I can't rap for_ 💩 _so I hope you like this labor of love, pal! This self-aggrandizing song - it's my turn for me and CT's switcheroo as his last song was uncharacteristic fluff and this is one of my few villain songs! - could have easily been for Simon Keyes, but my wonderful co-pilot has paid so much homage to him already, I thought I'd use one of the few villains we_ _ **haven't**_ _covered yet – Marlon Rimes from Dual Destinies. rapping breakout here, which would have happened right after his "Dissin' of Phoenix Wright" testimony from Turnabout Reclaimed, doesn't get an accompanying backstory like most of my song parodies.  
_

 _Reasons:_

 _A) Snarling Grimes is way too heinous._

 _B) Since I like animals more than people, I loathe him too damn much. Personally, I think he got off way too easy for trying harm an innocent animal!_

 _That being said, I'd now like to bring your attention to:_

 _ **MY SHAMELESSLY PROMOTED LATEST COLLABORATION PROJECT!**_ 😁

 _My funny friend_ _**Peoplepersonsof DooM**_ _and I just started a joint dark romantic comedy AU about the Periwinkle Piss Head and his Demonic Damsel a.k.a. a Kristoph Gavin X Dahlia Hawthorne not at all fairy-tale story:_ **Atroquinine Angels: A Toxic Dalhstoph Tale by PPOD & JP** _which you can find on her wall…_ **Atroquinine-Angels-A-Toxic-Dalhstoph-Tale-by-PPOD-JP**

 _CT: Y'know, now that I think about it, Marlon Rimes is a perfect foil of Wocky. With the latter, he's the son of an ex-mob boss who looks like the Godfather, yet he's unable to kill despite having a gun, a knife, a reasonable motive (perfectly logical when you compare it to the rest of the stuff floating around in his mind), and a prime opportunity, looks like an anime-version of Vanilla Ice, and is about as intimidating as a malnourished teacup poodle despite constantly preaching about how he's an OG's OG. Meanwhile, with the former, he comes off as one of the more mild-mannered characters in the series, yet the second he downs a barrel of fish, he turns into a hulking juggernaut who wouldn't be out of place in an episode of "One Piece" who inadvertently killed a guy while going all Captain Ahab on an orca. Not to mention, Marlon is actually able to sound OG in court while not making a complete joke out of himself, which is more than I can say about Wocky "that doctor was a quacker" Kitaki._

* * *

" _ **My Triumph (Will Be) Definite"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of "Infinite's Theme"  
from the video game, **_**Sonic Forces**_

(Yeah!)  
(Yo!)

* * *

I'm spewin' beats like a fountain  
I'm bustin' rap out for days  
Word up Turnabout Terror  
My rhymes will set you ablaze!

* * *

Presence here is commandin'  
This gangsta be here to stay!  
I'm a straight-up go-getter  
So just stay out of my face

* * *

The disses flowing freely  
Mercy just ain't gonna happen  
Shoulda stayed out of my way  
Yo' ass is mine now I reckon!

* * *

Now that I've broken the chains  
And I have freed my true spirit  
The beast is finally free  
You breaking out in cold sweat

* * *

And here stands Marlon Rimes  
You punk lawyer  
(Courtroom here won't ever be the same)  
Ima grind you down into this floor  
(I am the master and you be my slave)  
(Be my slave)  
(Be my slave)

* * *

You're not Phoenix Wright, you're Phoenix Wrong  
(This bird ain't rising from ashes of fire!)  
You know where you can go shove those laws  
(Prepare for backlash; the sitch right here is dire!)  
When the nightfall fades and turns to dawn  
(Draw your conclusion, ain't nothing left to defend...)  
Your case  
(Dismissed)  
You should  
(Desist)  
Cuz my triumph here will be definite!

* * *

Yeah  
So listen up, blue  
Take a hard look at me  
When this ends  
I be standing here in victory!

* * *

Now I'ma say wassup  
No turning things around  
You cannot see this through  
Ain't no point bluffing now!

* * *

So listen up, blue  
Take a hard look and see  
The reason you'll cry  
It'll be because of me!

* * *

You'll quake and cower  
Of this I ain't got doubt  
You cannot see this through  
Ain't no point bluffing now!  
(Ain't no point bluffing now!)

* * *

I'm spewin' beats like a fountain  
Spiky really don't get it  
That dropping bombs is my thing  
Your arguments don't mean shit  
(Bring it!)

* * *

The disses flowing freely  
So you better take cover  
I won't back down for nuttin'  
I'll let know you when it's over

* * *

And here stands Marlon Rimes  
You punk lawyer  
(Courtroom here won't ever be the same)  
Ima grind you down into this floor  
(I am the master and you be my slave)

* * *

You're not Phoenix Wright, you're Phoenix Wrong  
(This bird ain't rising from ashes of fire!)  
You know where you can go shove those laws  
(Prepare for backlash; the sitch right here is dire!)  
When the nightfall fades and turns to dawn  
(Draw your conclusion, ain't nothing left to defend...)  
Your case  
(Dismissed)  
You should  
(Desist)  
Cuz my triumph here will be definite!

* * *

So, listen up, blue  
Take a hard look at me  
When this ends  
I be standing here in victory!

* * *

You'll quake and cower  
Of this I ain't got doubt  
You cannot see this through  
Ain't no point bluffing now!  
(Ain't no point bluffing now!)

* * *

Yeah  
So listen up, blue  
Take a hard look at me  
When this ends  
I be standing here in victory!

* * *

You'll quake and cower  
Of this I ain't got doubt  
You cannot see this through  
Ain't no point bluffing now!  
(Bluffing now!)  
(Bluffing now!)  
(Bluffing now!)  
Ain't no point bluffing now!

* * *

 _ **Sonic Forces~ Theme of Infinite (Lyrics)**_ **  
youtu. be / Dp8dEQ43_NM**

* * *

 **Bonus!**

 _JP: And now, without further ado, here's a crack Phaya fic absolutely nobody asked for! This_ _utterly ridiculous and unrelated short story is called_ **"Snooty Phoenix Wright."  
** _Enjoy!_ 😛

* * *

 **Snooty Phoenix Wright**

 _A Short Story  
by JordanPhoenix_

Phoenix Wright had always loved magical Courtroom with its boiled, blue-eyed bench. It was a place where he felt worried.

He was a snooty, stable, grape juice drinker with beautiful eyebrows and greasy elbows. His friends saw him as a pleasant, purple painter. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a dirty old man. That's the sort of man he was.

Phoenix walked over to the window and reflected on his idyllic surroundings. The hail pounded like dancing flamingos.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather some _one_. It was the figure of Maya Fey. Maya was a clumsy teacher with scrawny eyebrows and squat elbows.

Phoenix gulped. He was not prepared for Maya.

As Phoenix stepped outside and Maya came closer, he could see the scrawny smile on her face.

Maya gazed with the affection of 702 spiteful obedient owls. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want love."

Phoenix looked back, even more unstable, and still fingering the ripped piano. "Maya, I love you," he replied.

They looked at each other with sneezy feelings, like two mutated, melted maggots gyrating at a very deranged birthday party, which had piano music playing in the background and two snotty uncles talking to the beat.

Phoenix regarded Maya's scrawny eyebrows and squat elbows. "I feel the same way!" revealed Phoenix with a delighted grin.

Maya looked sparkly, her emotions blushing like a spicy, substantial sausage.

Then Maya came inside for a nice drink of grape juice.

 **THE END**

 _JP: Assuming you got a kick out of this (and don't just want to kick_ _ **me**_ _afterward!) you can thank my pal,_ _ **TheFreelancerSeal**_ _for giving me the idea, and now look forward to CT's own nutty short story next chapter!_ 😛

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 85**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Even if Apollo was a prosecutor and a bit older, I believe that Edgeworth would be a bit reluctant to befriend the guy on account of how his pitiable friend quota has been more than filled thanks to Larry and Sebastian. Plus, it's a universal fact that if Apollo encounters someone who doesn't belittle him and treat him like a human being, they have to die a painful, heartbreaking death.

 **JP:** _ **HUZZAH! Our Dahlstoph collab is finally up and I couldn't be more excited to have it up and running!**_

Ahem, back to your review …

Larry already has sky-high, somewhat gravity-defying hair so he could easily be Kramer! Also, he does have a tendency to just show up, uninvited when least expected…

I think the reason Trucy didn't get much screen time since her debut is because she wasn't a very popular character in Japan; she was considered pretty annoying and kept talking about herself in the third person. I think having her get a starring case in SOJ was an elusive moment of Crapcom throwing the rest of the world, who seems to like her a lot, a bone! At least, I _think_ she is more liked by the Western fandom – surely more than Athena, a character that is apparently seen as a mostly Mary Sue sort and is not very liked by the fandom for some reason( I liked Big Red myself a lot up until they made her useless in Spirit of Justice… I'm hoping she gets redeemed and goes back to being her feisty adorable self in AA 7!)

I'm trying to figure out what's worse between accidental proposals or borderline coerced proposals…you know, like when the guy proposes to the girl in front of his entire family… What choice does the poor thing have but to say _um…sure_?!

It's funny that you mentioned Apollo and Edgeworth being friends for some reason people keep comparing Polly to Nick… But the 20 don't really have that much in common aside from spiky hair even though the latter was the former's idol! With his snarkiness and eternal needle butt persona, he is essentially a younger (more baby-faced ergo IMO less hot) Miles if anything! I would love to see those two have some on-screen interaction! In fact, you've given me something to try to work into my stories going forward now! Thanks, Lyn! 😊

 **Chloemcg**

 **CT:** And to make things even better (or arguably worse), I can just picture Phoenix trying- emphasis on trying- to provide the melody on his piano. Thank goodness Trucy has the decency to protect Apollo, Athena, and everyone within a five-mile radius of the building by making the office's piano inaccessible with all of her clutter.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in the hospital again. I hope you make a speedy recovery.

 **JP:** Given the chance to have a go at him with my sack full of coins like CT said, I'd thump him in his bollocks so hard they'd pop out of his nose! 😝

I love the idea of any Trucy and Fey interaction! I know it's been established as canon that she and Pearl are best friends are like sisters but we been cheated out of seeing them having any screen time together but I especially want to know how she would react to Maya and despite the spirit medium being only just over a decade older than her, if she would consider her new mommy material as she does in my works! 😊

Oh no, you're back in the hospital milady?! Wishing you a swift recovery and sending you lots of hugs! 💕

 **Joeclone**

 **CT:** trust me, I know that feeling all too well. Even a week after I finished writing this parody, I had "Ashley's Song" stuck in my head and I couldn't help but play it- the original, the "Smash Bros." rendition, and the remix from "WarioWare Gold"- over and over again. I guess the lyrics to the song are true- I didn't watch my step, so Ashley cast a spell on me.

 **JP:** The closest I will ever get to bask in the joy of a musician having people dance to my songs at a concert while I perform is hearing that we make our readers croon (in my case, caterwauling… my singing sounds like an orangutan with the dry heaves!) to our parodies! I wish our readers could record their impromptu performances and send them! I'm still holding out for the dream of some gold-throated lark to sing and record one of my parodies one of these days…. 😊

 **Simon DiStefan**

 **CT:** You got that right. When it comes to me and JP, the sky's the limit and the concepts of rationality and reason have long since been buried under mounds of psychological/physical abuse and hot and steamy love scenes. After all, why make sense when you can have a whole lot more amusing to pull out random ideas from the deepest, darkest portions of your mind? Heck, that's the very reason why we have so much fun writing these parodies, as well as our independent works.

Though speaking of which, considering how I love to insert Kharmen Gavin, the OC that is Kristoph and Klavier's Attaché attack helicopter of a mom, into my works whenever the chance arises, that first point isn't as absurd as you'd think.

 **JP:** 1\. #fact. If my mom didn't like you, chances are you sucked as she was a Saint and liked everyone. I have since been blessed with her Mommy ESP for people but like the shoemaker with no shoes... Unfortunately, it was never for those I was dating until after the fact. BUT...I can tell my friends are dating Dukes of Doucheberry a Mile away and have a 100% record on that!

2\. _Si, es verdad._

3\. #fact!

Trucy is awesome enough to have her own lyrics theme song. If the Disney princess voiced songbird **adrisaurus** hadn't already given her one with her own verses for child of magic, this easily could've been it! (remove spaces) 😊

 **youtu. be / lpyrKHeXe-Q**

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** For me, my least favorite assist trophy is Sukapon on account of how that pink monstrosity utterly destroyed me more times than I can count during the Rayman spirit mission in World of Light.

As for Trucy running the Anything Agency, don't forget that this is also a universe where orcas can be put on trial, 13-year-olds can become prosecutors, and projectile coffee and snack foods are viable weapons.

 **JP:** Well considering The Princess Of Prissdom is a bishie, aka, man pretty, to say the least (to the point where my hilarious partner wrote him as being queen of the cell block waltz) and thanks to his fastidious grooming, probably has a better manicure (and pedicure !) than any other female in the Ace Attorney world and probably bleaches his Arschloch to boot ( whether or not he did this before or after prison is up to you to decide), him being an avid fan of the Swedes _and_ a Dancing Queen is no less farfetched than Trucy basically being the driving brains behind the Wright Talent Agency now Wright Anything Agency since she was 8 years old!😁

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** I guess great minds think alike because when I was writing this parody, that's exactly the tone I was going for in regards to Apollo's lines. Essentially, I could picture Trucy forcing Apollo to sing this song with her for a video for the Anything Agency website that she's making at the threat of making him assist her in more high-risk tricks in the future and/or cutting his pay even lower than it already is. Though Apollo being Apollo, while he wouldn't be able to outright defy Trucy, he could at least rebel against her by changing the lyrics that she wrote for him to the snarky pleas for help present in the song.

Apollo wishes that Trucy descended from the Addams family. Sure, the Addams are kooky, mysterious, and spooky, but at least they don't have a history of ruining the lives of everyone who has the misfortune of coming into contact with them like the family of monsters that Trucy descended from does. Oh my gosh, now I can't help but imagine an "Addams Family" parody featuring the Gramaryes, the "Gramarye Family", in which Zak is Gomez, Thalassa is Morticia, Apollo is Pugsley, Trucy is Wednesday, Valant is Uncle Fester, Magnifi is Grandmama, and Roger is Lurch.

 **JP:** it's funny, I have played pretty much all the Mario games but have never played any of the spinoffs so that would include anything with Luigi or his evil moneygrubbing counterpart, Warioalthough this particular song came pretty close to being as awesome as the beyond catchy earworm signed by Pauline in _Mario Odyssey_ with the same name (also… There's going to be an _Odyssey 2_ I'm so excited!)

That being said even though Mario is my homeboy, and despite the fact that Apollo has a stick so far up his keister you can see it when he yawns, the Gramarye siblings are still my favorite videogame siblings just simply based on adorableness and hilarious contrast in personality… Luigi is basically just a taller thinner Mario! One of the things I really love about their dynamic is seeing just how much Mr. Snarky Pants adores the adorable magician as he is helpless to caving into her every whim… And that's before he even knows who she actually is! Hopefully, once he gets past the bitterness of Not So Mommy Dearest keeping the truth from them for so long for absolutely no explicable reason whatsoever, he'll keep being the doting, loving big brother he is!

If I want to get an idea of Apollo looking horrified, (no Addams family required – but not all scary things are dark and menacing sometimes the scariest witches in disguise call it _magic_ and come with a little pep and their step and are bubblier than a bottle of champagne!) I need to look no further than the hilarious expression on his face at the end of the case two of Spirit of Justice when he's trapped in that little box with only a peephole for his face! 😆

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** Don't forget the fact that if Apollo doesn't comply with Trucy's demands, she could easily have him fired. Sure, Trucy may be a sweet, bubbly girl who's always happy to lend a helping hand, but don't forget that she co-owns the agency with Phoenix and is the organization's primary breadwinner. As such, if at some point Trucy feels that Apollo or Athena has become problematic and needs to be fired, then even though it would hurt him to do so, Phoenix would have no choice but to comply, lest Trucy goes on strike, thereby causing the Anything Agency to go under.

In addition, I think part of Apollo's tolerance towards Trucy using him as her assistant stems from a sense of nihilism in that regardless of how much he tries to protest, one way or another, Trucy will force him to participate in her tricks. I mean, you saw what Athena was subjected to in "Turnabout Time Traveler". No matter how far or fast Athena ran, Trucy was always right on her tail, playing the Gramarye theme song- a.k.a. the phrase "screw you" in song form- while flashing that smile of hers. If anything, I actually think that Trucy enjoys it when her assistants try to resist- the thrill of the hunt, the feeling of knowing that she has them so thoroughly terrified, and the rush of euphoria upon finally catching them and forcing them to submit.

Why do you think Apollo was so willing to drop everything and move halfway around the world to live in a country where his workload is 100 times greater and his only friends are a guy who constantly laughs at his pain, a tsundere princess with daddy issues, and Prosecutor Twizzle Tac? With how Trucy can throw knives with enough precision to deflate the tires of a speeding Segway and can stow away in suitcases for extended periods of time on multiple occasions, the girl is just a coat of metal and a pair of glowing red eyes away from being a terminator. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Edgeworth declined an invitation to one of Trucy's shows, only to be screaming in terror mere minutes later upon seeing her grabbing onto his car's rear bumper and not letting go despite him going 80 mph and frantically swerving left and right. So with that in mind, Franziska and her whip would be like child's play for Athena. Though if Franziska's whip proved to be too painful for Athena, then there's a good that Franzy would be paid a visit by a certain overprotective samurai prosecutor who wouldn't hesitate to slice her whip in half before doing the same to her ego.

When it comes to Kay, considering her affinity towards going big or going home, I feel that she would be less inclined to pickpocket Edgeworth, preferring to instead steal everything in his house that isn't nailed down while he's sound asleep before making a return trip an hour or so later for everything that is nailed down. After all, where's the fun in simply snatching someone's wallet when they aren't looking? Heck, maybe that's the reason why Kay's so determined to recruit young girls into the Yatagarasu: she wants to assemble a team to help her pull off something out of "Ocean 11" by breaking into Edgeworth's house, stealing everything of value, and then using the money earned from both the heist and from selling the rights of the film idea to Global Studios to buy an island in the south Pacific, three snow cone machines, and an army of tuxedo-wearing helper monkeys.

 **JP:** I have indeed seen Phoenix Wright's day off… I'm still trying to figure out if that was more comical or disturbing although I don't mind being witnessed Apollo being the office butt monkey and getting harassed in many different creative ways mostly by his sadistic but sweet sister, I know he's also pretty tiny and Phoenix is unbreakable that was so not a fair fight!

Respect, they say, comes from either love or fear… I think Apollo loves Trucy and respects Phoenix mostly based on fear of never being given a reprieve from toilet duty … After all, since he wouldn't let Trucy were lipstick until he learned how to play the piano, head DILF has proven to be a pretty protective Papa Bear who was also no stranger to catering to his daughter's whims since he had no problem sticking Athena and the nightmarish assistant role in the DLC case of SOJ! Hey, it's a dirty job but since Trucy pays the bills… _Someone's_ got to do it! Just not Phoenix, of course – he was too busy running around with Maya… Something which did not escape my attention and yet another reason why Time Traveler is just about my favourite case ever pure Phaya heaven!

Kay is definitely all about the stealth that's why I always refer to her as a ninja in my works although of course, she has a strict moral code and effect be compared to a Japanese fighter would definitely be more samurai! She said herself that the one thing she could never justify stealing is a life!

" _Even if the list of nicknames matches the length of that scroll that Sad Monk carries around, my hatred towards the hydra douche will know no bounds! Why did I call him that? Because every time you deal damage to him, he just becomes more and more douchey... that one might be a stretch. Every time you try to play his own game of being a douchebag, he gets twice as worse."_

At this point, I'll take what I can get with whatever they have planned for the next game although due braced herself that there probably will be the return of _hydra douche_ (hee!) but hopefully not another new prosecutor I'm happy giving screen time to some of the old forgotten's and Gummy and Franny are definitely among them!

About Maya channeling not one but two men in game six, I don't know what to tell you about the hair thing either… Obviously there is some creative liberty there since her hair is indeed longer than Dirks considerably and while the priest (a channeling which was more disturbingly intimate than seeing Stephen King get a hot butter massage) maintained the length obviously Daddy Dragon did not… Unless it was heading down his back since we only saw frontal views of him? Of course, the same question with how Amara was able to channel him considering her hair is silver?

I think Valant just got fed up with being given the shaft and not even in the fun way I don't condone what he did but least I understand! Is it weird that I have fast ship him and the last sight even though I can't stand her but I think she is no better than her daddy? The fine line between shitty and negligent parenting after all… I still think Zak takes top prize for head dung bucket, simply because of his clearly sociopathic violent tendencies towards both men and women and is willing to screw over his own daughter and make her be destitute for the sake of winning a poker game against Phoenix!

I think the only way Franziska would be able to beat Athena is if she _literally_ beat her…. that is with her whip being her weapon. Even though she was regressed a lot in SOJ, Athena is supposed to be a young genius of sorts with hearing superpowers who speak many different languages and could probably be quite creatively scathing if she was so inclined…whereas the German beauty desperately is in need of a thesaurus since just like _Nahpoota_ (thanks CT! lol) she only has _one_ cutting word at her disposal…

My happiest days were Saturday mornings when both the Ace Attorney anime was going on along with the show RWBY (now I just need to tide myself over with the latter, but luckily after seven seasons it's still pretty decent if you're not familiar with the fandom think Harry Potter meets Charlie's Angels – 4 cute teenage girls and friends kicking monster butt!) it was like my Saturday morning cartoon-fest as a kid all over again! I could be tided over with a season three of the anime to cover Apollo Justice onward to tide me over until they make the big game announcement at this point even though I never saw Game of thrones I feel like the fans when they were told the dragons were coming… We've heard now for going on two years that in Ace Attorney seven was coming the question is when dammit _when_?! 😫

Cheers,  
JP


	88. DA Jam Thanksgiving Bonus Special!

_CT: This parody goes out to Yanmegaman who knows how to suggest all of Debeste songs. The second I saw that the "D.K. Rap" was a suggestion, there was no doubt in my mind that it would be a Sebastian song. Though now that I think about it, I could easily picture Edgeworth, Franziska, Klavier, Simon, and Sebastian working together in a "D.K. 64"-esque adventure- collecting items, exploring worlds, and rage quitting after the 50th round of Beaver Bother. Not to mention, I can only imagine what it would be like in the barrel. Heck, knowing how Simon and Franziska are, there's a chance that Sebastian would be launched out of the barrel within the first hour of him being unlocked._

 _JP: As usual, my comical co-pilot never fails to make DeWorste case scenarios be Debeste of Debeste…_ 😆 _enjoy this month's closing theme of video games, and to all our American readers, wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble! Gobble!_

* * *

 **"** _ **D.A. Jam"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of the  
"D.K. Rap" from the  
Donkey Kong 64 game**

As Chief Prosecutor, Edgeworth typically spends his days not in the courtroom engaged in a battle of wits against a worthy adversary as they try to uncover the truth behind a case, but rather alone in his office filling out paper work and assigning the right prosecutor to each case that arises. Sure, the job is a bit on the tedious side, but if it means that Los Angeles is less corrupt, then it's a burden that Edgeworth is more than happy to carry.

However, on this particular day, things are anything but as the maroon-cladded prosecutor sits behind his desk, discussing matters with Franziska, Sebastian, Klavier, Simon, and Winston that could shape the very future of the Prosecutor's Office.

"Prosecutor Blackquill, for the umpteenth time, we're not doing a 'Danganronpa' parody." Edgeworth sighs with exasperation, placing his hand over his eyes in order to control his irritation.

"Have you even heard of the 'Danganronpa' franchise, Edgeworth-dono? Because if you did, then you wouldn't be making such ridiculous decisions. After all, with its colorful cast of fleshed out characters, amazing storylines, and phenomenal sense of atmosphere, a parody starring us would fulfil all of our goals and more." Simon confidently states with a finger to his forehead.

Trust me, Prosecutor Blackquill, I've experienced enough of the 'Danganronpa' series to last me a lifetime thanks to Trucy constantly bugging me to help her sue Spike Chunsoft for over a month due to their Ultimate Magician character from their "Killing Harmony" game being an 'unlawful use of her image' and 'defaming her character'… even though the game explicitly puts out a disclaimer to cover this very topic before the title screen even appears."

"Are you sure, Edgeworth-dono? Because I've already written the script with "the best" victim in mind." Simon sneers as he glances over at Sebastian, who responds to the remark by simply smiling and waving at his dark humor-loving co-worker.

"While I appreciate your efforts, Prosecutor Blackquill, I don't want to remind Trucy of that topic- especially considering that we're filming at Take-2 TV. I know that they're trying to make amends for what Retinz did by allow us to perform a short bit to promote the Prosecutor's Office free of charge on prime time, but considering that they did try to ruin her career and send her to prison, if we do your idea, Trucy could see it as the studio trying to slander her again.. Edgeworth responds with crossed arms as he taps his biceps."

"In that case, how about we perform a rock song about always fighting for the truth? That'll get the younger generation interested in our cause- especially the fräulines." Klavier smirks as he starts snapping his fingers. "Of course, I'll be rocking out on my guitar and singing the lyrics. As for the rest of you guys, Herr Edgeworth can own the base guitar since he's a cool cat, Fräuline Whippet's temper makes her perfect for drums, Herr Weeaboo probably has an affinity for the keyboard, and if memory serves me right, I believe that Herr Weinerlich plays the triangle. So with all that going for us, I think we can have a pretty good blend of sound. Oh, and before you ask, I know that most of you aren't as musically gifted as me, so I made sure to keep your parts simple."

"Klavier Gavin, it's one thing when you foolishly make yourself look like a foolish fool when you foolishly treat your trials as if they're your foolishly foolish concerts of foolishness, but I will not stand idly by while you foolishly try to drag the rest of us down into your foolish quagmire of foolishness!" Franziska snarls, tugging at her whip before lashing the former rock star with it.

"Yeah!" Sebastian chimes in as he bends his baton. "If you want me to play my triangle with you so badly, then maybe you should have thought about that before laughing and throwing fruit at me when I auditioned for your band back when we went to Themis!"  
"Alright, Fräuline Whippet, if you think that my idea's so terrible, then why don't you tell us yours?" Klavier retorts with a disgruntled look.

"Well, if you must know, Klavier Gavin, I intend to inspire the youths of today in the form of me and Miles Edgeworth talking about the history of our great family, starting with Ottokar, Lord of Karma, nearly a millennia ago and slowly progressing towards the modern-day with me and Miles Edgeworth," Franziska smirks with a waggle of her finger. "Sure, Miles Edgeworth isn't a von Karma by blood, but he teaches the important lesson that even those who descend from foolishly foolish defense attorneys can become slightly less foolish than everyone else if they embrace the ways of the von Karma family."

"I feel so honored." Edgeworth sarcastically responds with a roll of his eyes.

"So you plan to inspire the youths of today by discussing how your father killed a man, adopted and trained his son to be everything that he stood against, and then tried to said son for murder and patricide 15 years later- all because he received a penalty for something that he was to blame for?" Klavier snidely retorts. "What next, are you going to interview my brother on the best ways to ruin your enemies' lives and careers?"

"You have no right to talk about Papa like that, you foolishly foolish fool!" Franziska snarls as she whips the former rock star. "And FYI, I plan on omitting Papa from the documentary. After all, just because one apple's arguably rotten doesn't mean that you can't make a pie with the rest of the orchard."

"Funny you should mention filming a documentary, Franziska because that's similar to my idea." Edgeworth confidently states with outstretched arms. "However, instead of focusing on your bloodline, I feel that it would be fairer and more informative if we all had a group discussion regarding the day-to-day operations of the Prosecutor's Office with none other than the Steel Samurai himself, Will Powers, hosting.

"Who's the Steel Samurai?" Winston asks with a confused look on his face.

"Please leave my office. Now." Edgeworth requests in a low growl, trying his best to remain calm and hold back the anger he's feeling. After all, how could anyone in his Prosecutor's Office- even the janitor- not even be aware of the legendary hero?"

"B-But I haven't even told you my-" Winston weakly retorts, his posture hunched over as a few beads of cold sweat drip down his brow. However, the screechy prosecutor immediately cuts himself off when his superior flashes him one of his infamous death glares. "Actually, I think now would be a good time to take my leave."

"You do that." Edgeworth coldly responds with crossed arms, continuing to glare at Winston until he exits the office, making sure to close the door quietly behind him.

"You know, none of this would be happening if we went with my idea." Sebastian chimes in.  
"You mean your terrible remix of that already criminally awful 'D.K. Rap'?" Simon curtly asks, turning his back to the group. "I would rather play shamisen as part of Prosecutor Dandy's suggestion."

"I said that you would play the keyboard, Herr Weeaboo." Klavier points out."

"I know what I said." Simon retorts.

"But Mr. Blackquill, my remix isn't terrestrial- er, I mean terrible!" Sebastian wails, trying his hardest to hold back his tears. "Why, when I showed the song that Kay and I recorded to Justine, she said that it was something and that I should be proud because I tried my best." The naïve prosecutor boasts, his face quickly changing into a smirk.

"And just when I thought that you couldn't get any dumber…" The Twisted Samurai groans with a shake of his head.

"Ok, from the look of things, it appears that we have reached an impasse. Therefore, if we ever wish to come to a conclusion anytime soon, we'll have to settle this matter the old-fashion way." Edgeworth states before taking some sticky notes and a pen out of his desk drawer, followed by turning to the shelf behind him and moving the Steel Samurai there to his desk. "We will each write an idea down on a sticky note and then place them in the Steel Samurai helmet that Wright gave me this last Christmas. Then, after everyone's submitted an idea, I will draw one at random and that will be the one we'll go with. Is everyone fine with that?" The Chief Prosecutor asks as he writes down his idea and put it in the helmet.

"Ok, Mr. Edgeworth!" Sebastian chirps as he writes down and submits his idea.

"I'm nothing if not a team player, Herr Edgeworth." Klavier coolly responds before doing the same.

"If I must…" Simon sighs before placing his idea in with the rest.

"And here I thought that you were less foolish than the others, Little Brother…" Franziska states with a tone of disappointment as she, too, submits her idea."

As soon as Edgeworth sees that the last idea has been placed into the helmet, he closes his eyes and reaches his hand inside, rustling around the contents in order to ensure that the decision is entirely fair.

"And the winner is…" The Chief Prosecutor pulls out a random note and opens his eyes, only for them to become saucer-sized and his complexion to go pale upon seeing what's written on it.  
Of course, Franziska, being the woman that she is, can't handle the suspense and walks behind her 'little' brother to see what idea they'll be doing, only for her to glare daggers at him upon reading it.

"I hate you, Miles Edgeworth…" Franziska growls before whipping her adopted brother.

The next day, the five prosecutors are standing on a wooden stage in Take-2 TV with a camera pointed right at them, their forms obscured by the dim lighting of the set that resembles one of the city's courtrooms as a rap song recorded sung by Sebastian starts playing on the large speakers behind them.

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**  
Ob-Ob-Objection!

They've come to the courtroom,  
To protect you all,  
So to give them your thanks,  
Don't ignore their call!  
Raise your pointer fingers,  
To be cool as clams,  
As we rock out with this lawyer jam!  
Yeah!

* * *

D.A.!  
The District Attorney!

* * *

 _[A spotlight shines on Edgeworth who tries his best to look refined and dignified, even though it's obvious to anyone watching that he doesn't want to be there.]_

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**

He's the Demon Prosecutor,  
He'll cut your pay,  
He's here to ruin every villain's day!  
His logic chess can detect all lies,  
And when he does,  
You're gonna cry!  
He has class, fangirls, and looks real cool,  
He's the first member of the D.A. Crew!

* * *

Yeah!  
D.A.!  
The District Attorney!  
D.A.!  
The District Attorney's here!

* * *

 _[The spotlight shifts over to Franziska who, unlike her adopted brother, doesn't even attempt to hide her disdain as she pulls at her whip and snarls through clenched teeth.]_

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**  
This girl loves to fight,  
So felons beware,  
When that whip of hers,  
Lashes and tears!  
She'll win with her mad skills and expertise,  
And force her friends and foes down on their knees!  
If you cross her,  
You'll get a kick,  
With her scowl and her whip,  
She's one scary chick!  
Yeah!

* * *

D.A.!  
The District Attorney!

* * *

 _[Contrary to the unadulterated rage Franziska expressed during her portion of the song, Simon merely glowers at the camera, taking several deep breaths in order to keep himself at least somewhat calm.]_

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**  
He looks real mean,  
And loves anime,  
It gives him strength for the entire day!  
So he likes "Cory in the House",  
And dank art of Shrek,  
In a blouse,  
Dancing with Barry from "Bee Movie"!  
This o-taco thinks this is groovy!  
Yeah!

* * *

"Why, you little git…!" Simon snarls as he flashes Sebastian a death glare. "Come here!" The Twisted Samurai yells as he attempts to charge at his naïve co-worker, prompting the weepy prosecutor to reel back and start sobbing.

Though fortunately for Sebastian, before Simon can reach him, Edgeworth effectively restrains the former inmate by wrapping his arms firmly around his torso.

"Prosecutor Blackquill, get a hold of yourself!" Edgeworth scolds in a firm whisper. "I understand that this isn't an ideal situation for either of us, but I will not allow you to cause a scene on national television and risk another dark age of the law!"

"But, Edgeworth-dono-" Simon angrily whispers as he struggles in vain to free himself from his superior's grip.

"No buts, Prosecutor Blackquill. You are going to stand here for the duration of this performance with some semblance of dignity or so help me, I will cut your pay to the point where Gumshoe will look like Scrooge McDuck by comparison. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Edgeworth-dono…" Simon reluctantly sighs, prompting his superior to release his hold on the Twisted Samurai, who then proceeds to morosely stand in his designated spot with a hint of resentment in his eyes as the song continues.

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**

D.A.!  
The District Attorney!  
D.A.!  
The District Attorney's here!

* * *

 _[Given Klavier's experience as a world-famous rock star, it's no surprise that he takes to the spotlight shining on him like a fish does to water, flipping some loose hair out of his eyes before flashing his signature confident grin at the camera.]_

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**  
This rock star has returned to the stage,  
To dispel all of the Dark Law Age!  
He'll rock your world with his guitar in-hand,  
With his love of truth,  
He's never bland!  
He makes fangirls squeal with his rocking tunes,  
But for bad guys, he sends 'em running like loons!  
Yeah!

* * *

D.A.!  
The District Attorney!  
Yeah!

* * *

 _[The spotlight then shines on Sebastian, who tries to look as impressive as he possibly can by puffing out his chest and putting his hands firmly on his hips.]_

* * *

 **{Sebastian}**  
Finally,  
He's here for you,  
He's the last member of the D.A. Crew!  
He tries so hard,  
It'll warm your heart,  
When he rips the bad guys' cases apart,  
Or when he overcomes his inner demons,  
So he can stop fiends from scheming!  
They say he's weak,  
They say he's dumb,  
But this guy's one heck of a chum!

* * *

"C'mon Kay, let's really go all-out on this last part and throw in some "Cory in the House for Mr. Blackquill!" The song proclaims, prompting Simon to whistle for Taka, prompting the hawk to dive-bomb Sebastian and start clawing at the naïve prosecutor's face.

"Aaaah! It's _Jailrush the Pigeon_ all over again!" Sebastian wails as he tries to repel Taka with a few pathetic swings of his baton, which only make the hawk even angrier and more aggressive in his attack. "Someone, help me!"

* * *

 _[As Edgeworth and Klavier struggle to get Taka away from Sebastian, Simon and Franziska watch the scene with looks of amusement, high-fiving each other as the final part of the song plays.]_

* * *

 _ **{Sebastian and Kay}**_  
Logic, guitars, truth as a spouse,  
Whips, batons, "Cory in the House"!  
Oh, yeah!  
Logic, guitars, truth as a spouse,  
Whips, batons, "Cory in the House"!

* * *

 **Gobbler Bonus #1 !  
** _ **Here's CT's crack-fic, as promised from the last chapter!**_

 **Two Funny Uncles Drinking to the Beat**  
 _A Short Story  
by CzarThwomp_

Kristoph Gavin looked at the bendy book in his hands and felt shocked.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his idyllic surroundings. He had always hated creepy Sidney with its unpleasant, uninterested umbrellas. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel shocked.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Phoenix Wright. Phoenix was a lovable rover with blonde thighs and ample eyes.

Kristoph gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a sinister, bold, tea drinker with pretty thighs and greasy eyes. His friends saw him as a better, brave banker. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a wet injured bird.

But not even a sinister person who had once made a cup of tea for a wet injured bird, was prepared for what Phoenix had in-store today.

The wind blew like cooking pigeons, making Kristoph sparkly.

As Kristoph stepped outside and Phoenix came closer, he could see the screeching smile on his face.

"I am here because I want a pencil," Phoenix bellowed, in an incredible tone. He slammed his fist against Kristoph's chest, with the force of 9509 bears. "I frigging hate you, Kristoph Gavin."

Kristoph looked back, even more sparkly, and still fingering the bendy book. "Phoenix, beam me up Scotty," he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two mighty, miniature maggots bouncing at a very energetic disco, which had flute music playing in the background and two funny uncles drinking to the beat.

Suddenly, Phoenix lunged forward and tried to punch Kristoph in the face. Quickly, Kristoph grabbed the bendy book and brought it down on Phoenix's skull.

Phoenix's blonde thighs trembled and his ample eyes wobbled. He looked ecstatic; his body raw like a red, real ruler.

Then he let out an agonizing groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Phoenix Wright was dead.

Kristoph Gavin went back inside and made himself a nice cup of tea.

 **THE END**

* * *

 _JP: Amazingly enough, CT is still one of my favorite people, even though he kills off my otherwise husbando repeatedly in his works, and in this case, perhaps inadvertently made Prissy Krissy even more putrid/lame by making him sparkle ala those steaming moose dung buckets disguised as books aka the Twilight vampires!_ 😜  
 _ **Thanksgiving Bonus** (aptly known as) **NUMBER 2!**_... _I've decided to continue rapping! See my response to my girl Lyn, aka_ ** _Peoplepersonsof DooM,_** _below!_

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 87**

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM (aka Turkey Day Bonus #2)**

 **JP:** for some reason, I can picture Wendy Oldbag being an awesome rapper. In fact, here's gangsta some homage to her Edgey Poo! 😝

* * *

 _ **A Japalifornia State of Mind (The Tea Hip Hop)**_ _ **  
**_ **By** **Inspectah** **JP** **Wright**

 _Yeah, yeah  
Ayo, Edgey-Poo, it's time.  
It's time, Edgey-Poo (aight, Edgey-Poo, begin).  
Straight out the geeky dungeons of rap._

 _The cravat drops deep as does my_ _affection_ _.  
_ _Come give me a kiss, Grandma won't make no objection_ _.  
Beyond the walls of objects, life is defined.  
I think of love when I'm in a Japalifornia state of mind._

 _Hope the groom got some resume.  
My loom don't like no dirty bloom.  
Run up to the boom and get the room._

 _In a Japalifornia state of mind._

 _What more could you ask for? The sexy cravat?  
You complain about stalking.  
_ _You_ _gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the gavot._

 _I'm rappin' to the tea,  
And I'm gonna move your tree._

 _Handsome, brilliant, smoldering, like a chess  
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a_ _s_ _s._

 _You_ _can't take the stalking, can't take the logic.  
I woulda tried to hug I guess I got no tajik._

 _I'm rappin' to the tree,  
And I'm gonna move your tea._

 _Yea, yaz, in a Japalifornia state of mind._

 _When I was young_ _dis_ _Grandma had an express.  
I waz kicked out without no press.  
I never thought I'd see that address.  
Ain't a soul alive that could take __dis_ _Grandma's process._

 _An intense hen is quite the den._

 _Thinking of love. Yaz, thinking of love (love)._

* * *

 **CT:** The way I see it, in order to be a good rapper, you need three things: a way with words, a sharp wit, and taking delight in cutting people you don't like down to size. As such, I feel that the best rapper in the "Ace Attorney" series would be Godot (whose stage name would be Midnight Coffee), followed by Simon Blackquill (who would just use his Twisted Samurai title). As for a hype man, a rapper needs someone loud and obnoxious who can help keep the crowd pumped while also helping to throw their opponent off of their game. As such, Furio Tigre and- believe it or not- Wocky would probably be the best hype men.

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Yeah, Marlon was an unparalleled turd golem who we were supposed to feel sorry for and forget that he tried to kill a helpless animal because the woman he loved died… It's kind like a Severus Snape was post be redeemed because he was trying to help Dumbledore once he realized the big quest involves saving the progeny of his unrequited high school crush… As if that annihilated all the years of passive-aggressive if not flat out hostile treatment towards said offspring of Lily Potter as well as borderline child-abuse towards him and his friends… ugh. Gag me with a bulldozer. This rap took forever to do so I'm glad you liked it even more than the incredible original. _Muchas gracias, mi fiel lector y para siempre abogado_! 😘

 **CT:** I'm glad that you enjoyed the parody! Though as for DJJ680's, I believe that they were simply going off of how JP referred to her collab story with Peoplepersonsof DooM as her shamelessly promoted latest collab project and was doing it in good fun.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** I have never played Sonic forces either it's wonderful readers and their suggestions which opened me up to a whole new world of video game songs and all other sorts of media that I've never even fathomed before! I'm so happy you enjoyed my rapping debut!

 **CT:** I've been a fan of "Ask Ace Attorney" ever since I first started reading fanfics. As you can probably guess by the kind of stories I write, my favorite letters are the ones addressed to the villains.

 **chloemcg**

I haven't played the Sonic game since I was a kid but if the music is anything to go by, I really should start! I do know he has a pseudo-love interest so course my shipping trash self is already team Sonic and Amy! Milady the sky's the limit with reader requests for songs: video games, musicals, TV shows, movies… Anything goes as long as it exists in some sort of media (not just random songs _ideally_!) We are delighted to take a crack at it I'm so excited for December when your long-awaited request for try everything comes out to kick off the holiday season! 😊

 **CT:** Personally, my favorite "Sonic" villain song is "Strained" from "Sonic Adventure" due to how it's the perfect theme for some unstoppable monster whose roaming the streets in search of something. Though when it comes to "Sonic" final boss themes, it's a tie between "Perfect Dark Gaia" and "Seven Rings in Hand".

Actually, this is the third "Sonic" parody that's been done for this fanfic, with the previous ones being done for "Unknown from M.E." in Chapter 52 and (One More Last) Fist Bump" in Chapter 53. Though speaking of which, no "Ace Attorney" and "Sonic" crossover would be complete without Jailrush the Pigeon and his expertise when it comes to psychology, as well as Sting the Eel and his ability to fire lightning from his hands and play the saxophone.

 **Yanmegaman**

 **JP:** was infinite really a forgettable villain? But he looked so cool? At least in design! I am not familiar with the series but considering how wonderful the music from Sonic is and it's not even a Capcom game I find I enjoy most of the songs immensely and keep adding him to my playlist so thank you for introducing me to this particular delightful ditty and I'm delighted that you liked your request, pal! In fact, I like you so dang much you get to in a row mostly because it was the other videogame song in our arsenal and also because it's still November! Happy turkey day you dang Yankee! 😘

 **CT:** After seeing the abomination that was "Sonic Boom", a.k.a. the embodiment of the phrase "retcon gone wrong", I was a bit hopeful to see the "Sonic" series returning to form with "Forces"… only to immediately lose most of it upon learning that Chaos' role in the game is limited to a single cutscene and that the main baddy looks like one of those edgy "Sonic" OCs. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a picture of Infinite somewhere on Deviantart from 2013 with the phrase "DO NOT STEAL!" written in the description.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** Being an avid enthusiast of rock and retro music almost exclusively I to share your sentiment my friend at the fact that I think rap music should be spelled with a big fat "C" in front of it! Weird Al is DA MAN and I am very touched that you even put me in the same sentence as that genius of parody never mind make an exception for me alongside him! 😊

I'm also delighted that you appreciated this parody despite not having played the DLC is a fantastic one and I do recommend at least checking out the video playthrough see can see just how abominable the one token black-eyed in the entire Ace Attorney series is… I'm sure Capcom wasn't trying to be racist but considering said token up being an attempted killer of whales (the intended victim was ironically a killer whale)… I don't know what to tell you! If there's one thing I can say about Capcom having played DGS and seeing the playthrough of DGS2 is they not afraid to throw some casual racism into the mix… Although I would consider Marlon Rimes to be heinous just because his wrapping was mostly dissing my Nick… farking fart plume! His testimony is literally called _the dissing of Phoenix Wright_ …. Grrrrr….

I'm happy you enjoyed the crack fics behold part two of the madness which has spread to my partner as he told you last chapter not just limited to Phaya… He keeps killing off the fictional man I love but I've decided to like him anyway how you like dem apples? 😆

 **CT:** To answer your question, Marlon does indeed rap in court. In fact, one of Marlon's testimonies after he transforms into a "One Piece" character, "The Dissin' of Phoenix Wright", is done in rap-form, complete with music.

As for the topic of crackfics, as you'll see in the next parody, your influence wasn't limited to just stories involving Phoenix and Maya.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** one of the most fascinating things about Trucy is how she's got the most angelic smile even when doing the naughtiest things… It's a good thing that she's one of the good guys because she kept her smiling bouncy disposition place even after throwing a knife in a Segway… Usually showing signs of being completely unaffected at possibly crippling an elderly man because he wouldn't stop in the name of the law is a sign of most sociopaths… I'm sure Athena and Apollo might agree with that diagnosis anyway, since they've both been subjected to being her unwitting assistants! 😆

As for where Trucy got these terrifying skills from… Welp, her grandfather was a dung bucket, although compared to him, her sperm donor would make Kanye's recently fingered butthole be real pip by comparison! And let's not forget negligent and cowardly douche baguette that is her mother… I'm sure she's got some latent psycho genes under those twinkling blue eyes somewhere…

I wish the tsundere but generally sweet at the end Rayfa had called Benedict Sadmahdi B-b-big Baka! Of course, I have some other choice words I could use to describe him, (such as Jerk! Sh*t jerk d*ck f*cker a*sholer!) But I digress. Anyway her calling him the Japanese word for fool would have definitely cemented her in my book even deeper as the new Franziska of the series although she seems to have a much better list of insults… You have to admit drill head, barbed head and horned head are pretty good and trump fool any day!

Franziska has already scary beyond all reason with that whip of hers I don't know if I want to picture her wielding a sword even though I'm a big fan of kick-ass females! I do know that Karuma is the name of Asogi's sword, which is really cool. Although I still feel like van Zieks would be their distant relative and Naruhodo's best friend was the ancestor of Miles Edgeworth… I've seen fan art of him side-by-side and their posturing sprites and even bone structure are unignorably similar just like Nick and his great-grandfather Ryu!

I did indeed get a kick out of seeing Apollo, a.k.a. the office butt monkey/Capcom's whipping boy, get his needle butt kicked although I wish he'd had a more fair fight… Everyone knows Phoenix is unbreakable; he would have a better chance against maybe Wocky all that could be my own wishful thinking of getting that want to be furry having his ass handed to him on a platter!

I just want to see Franziska interact with the rest of the cast, Athena would just be a bonus. Since she's grown-up and become more mature, and she was already much more likable in the Miles games that she was in the trilogy, I imagine her character development wouldn't be regressive like it was for Big Red, or at least I hope and since she's the only other female prosecutor it would be great to see her in action against the only female defense attorney! My inner feminist cries out for this!

Until they announce the latest third season of Ace Attorney 3… I need to believe that the casting of the voice actors for Athena and Apollo and IMDb actually mean something! In the meantime, I am delighted to have RWBY to keep me going, and I'll try not to get meaner! 😛

I'm happy that you liked my efforts at rapping, even if they were more Vanilla Ice than Eminem, who I will concede she get some respect if not for wrapping at the very least for making it out of Detroit alive especially since he was such a baby faced cutie back in the day… That's the kind of face that you imagine is attached to an ass that would be prison currency!

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** When it comes to Trucy, like her perceive ability, she inherited her ability to coerce and/or strong-arm everyone she knows into doing what she wants from her grandfather. I mean, even after Magnifi shot himself, Zak and Valant were extremely reluctant to even mention Thalassa, let alone what happened to her, even when the former's freedom (sort of) depended on it. Sure, you could reason that Zak and Valant being so secretive on the matter simply boil down to old-fashion Gramarye jerkiness, but personally, I think one of the reasons the two jerks were so tight-lipped was out of fear that Magnifi had merely faked his death and would hunt the both of them down. Heck, maybe Magnifi's really some immortal liche who's been spending the time since his supposed death hiding out underground, plotting humanity's downfall by summoning a Lovecraftian godlike being with the voice of Richard Doyle to the "Ace Attorney" universe.

When it comes to Franziska's relationship with Phoenix, she's been a classic tsundere from the first second she appeared in "Reunion, and Turnabout". Why do you think I ship her and Phoenix together? I mean, if Franziska wasn't a classic tsundere with a crush, why would she fly all the way back to the U.S. just to challenge a guy, only to express legit worry when she learned that he fell off a burning bridge and even go as far as to assist him in his investigation when- for all she knew- she was the prosecutor for the case? Heck, all that's missing is Phoenix stealing Franziska's bike and you'd have Ash and Misty's relationship from the Pokémon anime.

Though while on the subject of Franziska, considering how she and Simon are, chances are that their conflicts boil down into the following: Simon says a snarky remark, Franziska goes on a tirade with a thousand variations of the word fool while trying to lash him with her whip multiple times (all of which he dodges with some simple sidesteps), and then after about five minutes of enjoying the show, he simply walks away without saying a single word.

You greatly underestimate Kay's skills as a master thief if you believe that she would make a rookie mistake like leaving behind DNA at the crime scene. After all, Kay always wears gloves. And as for loose hair, according to the laws of the "Ace Attorney" universe, a character is only allowed to lose their hair if they experience an objection that is so humiliating that it transcends time and space. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if sometime during "Ace Attorney 10", Phoenix is investigating a crime scene, when he's suddenly interrupted by the sound of Mia telling Winston to take the Coldkiller X if he thinks Dahlia is innocent.


	89. Kitten Comes Around

_JP: This gift is for GaylordOfSalt on A03 (my Kris Kringle recipient!). I hope you enjoy this holiday homage to one of our OTP's – and without beyond objection, the sexiest canon couple in the AA universe, Miego! I hope you like it! Cheers and Merry Christmas_! 🎄😊  
 _Since this was a gift, this songfic has a longer story than previous ones (don't worry it's still shorter than the average TE chapter!) so I hope you guys enjoy some fluffy holiday reading as I explore the origins of how catch + catch came to be!_  
 _  
CT: Just when I thought that JP couldn't hit me right in the feels with any more Miego parodies, she once again managed to prove me wrong. I swear, at this rate, I'm going to need to have an emergency box of tissues on hand whenever I see a hint of Miego in the titles of parodies that JP sends for me to take a look at._ _Though in regards to the topic of sexy canon "Ace Attorney" couples, I was about to bring up Ron and Dessie, but then I remembered that this is Ron "Don't ignore meeeee!" Delite we're talking about. If Ron and sexy ever ran into each other, the latter would turn the other way and run away as fast as physically possible while the former chases after it while yelling "Don't leave meeeee!" I mean, as you all know, I have a dark and twisted mind, but even I don't want to think about what goes on in the Delite bedroom. Knowing Ron, he's probably a screamer… a very, very loud screamer. And with that, I managed to turn a bittersweet parody into something dark and disturbing._

* * *

 ** _That Kitten Comes Around_  
Sung to the tune of  
"When Christmas Comes to Town"  
from the movie  
 _The Polar Express_**

 _Grossberg Law Offices_ – December 24, 2012

"It's that time of year again, Santa Baby. Hurry over so I can sit on your lap and tell you what a bad girl I've been this year."

In all the time he'd known that feminine purr, with its come-hither sultriness that would've put Kathleen Turner's (circa Jessica Rabbit era) to shame, it'd never failed to make his temperature, among other things, rise.

"Right on schedule, eh, _Mami?"_ Diego Armando let out a rueful chuckle into the receiver.

He'd both been expecting – and _dreading_ – this call.

For the last two years, he and Mona Lott had made it a point to remain unattached during the holiday season so they could spend the night of Christmas Eve… And most of Christmas morning, together, with him _sliding down her chimney_.

The ardent Hispanic man was no stranger to the pleasures of the flesh. He'd never claimed to be a saint with _las damas_ , nor immune to feminine wiles. Every female he'd ever known was seized by the same insatiable craving for the Don Juan DeMarco of law that rivaled his own for java. Likewise, he hedonistically enjoyed the legions of lovers his smooth Latin accent and swarthy good looks had garnered him ever since early adolescence.

Forsooth, the ladies of LA loved him, and roguish Romeo loved them right back … albeit temporarily. However, he'd always clarified, upfront, that he had no desire for anything serious or long term. Diego hadn't ever claimed to be husband material; his unapologetically raffish motto had always been: _so many women, so little time._

Mona had lasted slightly longer than the others, boasting a lusty, voracious carnal appetite that matched his own. In this case, it hadn't hurt that his ex not only sounded but literally _resembled_ the living incarnated version of Roger Rabbit's bombshell wife, either! Even though they'd amicably split up years ago, they'd enjoyed myriad casual encounters ever since. The titian-haired siren was well aware that the mere promise of another night of no-strings, unbridled passion was something that'd never failed to make his pulse race.

Until now.

"Shall we continue our annual tradition tonight, _papi_?" Mona's throaty voice turned even more provocative. "My place, say around 10 tonight …no mistletoe, _or clothes_ , required?"

Diego expelled a weary sigh into the receiver. This _mamacita_ wasn't going to make this easy. Not by a long shot.

"I'm going to have to take a rain check, Mona." He affected a contrite tone. "Unfortunately, I'm still at the office, and up to my eyeballs in paperwork. God knows what time I'll be able to get out of here."

"Working late. _Again_. On _Christmas Eve._ " Mona's seductive pitch turned sullen. "Just like you claimed was the case for my birthday last month. And on the night of October 31, a.k.a. our annual Halloween Howl!"

"It's nothing personal – it's just that work has been _loco_ lately." He tried to speak kindly but was already girding his loins. "My protégé and I have been putting in a lot of overtime researching this death row inmate case, and it's taking up every free moment we've got. There so many suspicious circumstances surrounding his conviction, and it's been brought to our attention that he actually could qualify for a justified appeal…"

Mona erupted in a manner not entirely unlike Mount Vesuvius.

"Do you take me for a fool, Diego?" She exploded wrathfully. "I'm abundantly aware of the glaring lacuna in this soap opera – which you've been too cowardly to admit! It hardly takes a genius to deduce that your precious protégé is the very reason you've rebuked all my advances these last few months!"

"Mona…"

"Don't you dare lie to me! In fact, word on the street is ever since a certain busty bimbo joined your law firm, you've been living like a monk and been pining after her like an abject, lovesick puppy!"

"Leave Mia out of this, Mona." Diego vainly attempted to keep his trademark cool intact, but he was rapidly reaching the boiling point. "And I'll have you know that my assistant is _no_ bimbo. She's a brilliant young attorney who's well on her way to being a legal legend someday! Furthermore, I will not stand for you showing such unwarranted disrespect towards any colleague of mine!"

" _Colleague_?" His jilted lover gave a contemptuous, unladylike snort. "Give me a break, you besotted _cabrón_! It's glaringly obvious you're hung up on her, which means _I_ should have hung up on _you_ ages ago! I only persisted because it never occurred to me any man could be so utterly whipped by a walking pair of knockers – that he hasn't even _bedded_! Or is _that_ why I'm no longer on your radar? You finally made the vital conquest and dipped that pen of yours into the company ink, have you?"

Diego clenched his jaw and fought to keep control of his rising temper, not because of the scathing insults directed at him, but due to the continued acrid disparagement of his dear coworker.

"Show come class and watch that forked tongue, woman! You're treading on very thin ice here."

But his jealous ex was beyond paying heed to the danger lurking in his normally smooth baritone.

" _Aha_! Based on the defensiveness of your tone, it's obvious you _haven't_ even come close to Introducing Charley to her, which makes you even more pathetic than I thought! This one must _really_ be special. Don't try to cozen me! I've _seen_ the way you look at that pneumatic trollop when I've dropped by the office! It's amazing she can even _stand_ upright and not tip over, what with those Brobdingnagian maracas she loves to flaunt!"

He ground his teeth. Mona's animus slurs sliced like razor blades, yet she _still_ wasn't done her virulent onslaught.

"Is Grossberg not paying her enough to buy professional attire that fits properly? That hussy can barely keep the overworked, straining zipper of her blazer from bursting, the poor, deformed creature!"

"That's enough, Mona! I've had enough of your malicious bile!" His free hand, which had been holding his ever-present coffee mug, had tightened around the ceramic in a vice grip that was almost painful. "Incidentally, this invidious side of you is hardly desirable. Did nobody ever tell you that the color _green_ on you is most unflattering?"

"Humph! Since you've taken that little sex kitten under your wing so protectively, you also should've let the _puta_ know: ' _honey, if you're going to be that available, you may as well get a doorbell on your blouse'!"_

" _Cállate la boca!"_ His mug thudded so hard onto his desk that the hot liquid sloshed over the sides and onto his hand, but he was impervious to everything, as his rage was so rampant. " _Terminamos_ , Mona Lott! _Olvídate de mi número_ _! Comprende_?"

 _"¡Vete al diablo_ , _bastardo_!"

"Lead the way, _bruja rencorosa!_ " He couldn't resist making one final dig. "Now, before _I_ hang up on _you_ , allow me to wish you sad and lonely Silent Night!"

Before she could reply, he slammed the desk phone back into the cradle and raked an agitated hand through his unruly dark mane

 _Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned would the understatement of the century! Are **all** redheads this loca, or just the ones **I** tend to attract?_

He shook off the splattered dark liquid from his mercifully unscalded hand.

 _There are 253 distinct types of bitterness in coffee. But to pick out each one requires total concentration and the use of all the senses._

Merely being in the same room as Mia Fey made Diego take complete leave of all his.

Mona was right. He _was_ a mawkish, besotted fool; one who'd just turned down a night of unbridled ecstasy not only with a skilled temptress but every other _mujer_ who'd crossed his path since he'd laid eyes on the pulchritudinous brunette.

She'd been working closely under him for the past few months, but nothing beyond professional comradery had transpired between them, maugre their many late nights alone together at Grossberg Law Offices.

Well, naught more than the occasional brush of hands when reaching for the same files, flushed cheeks, and occasional lingering glances.

Nevertheless, he'd instantly known from the second the buxom beauty had walked through Grossberg's door, he was a goner. There could be no other for him – not now, not ever.

 _You don't get much more lovesick than that!_

It was a feeling unlike any he'd ever known – one that went way beyond his usual concupiscence. He couldn't even begin to explain it. All he knew was that Mia was different from all the others. The way she spoke, the way she moved, the way she just _was_ … it had a way of making you look at things differently.

 _A way of making you close your eyes and see with your heart._

And then there was that smile of hers.

Despite her loin-stirring, voluptuous figure, which boasted more curves than a racetrack and was indisputably made for deviant sin (it positively beckoned the touch of a man's hands), in sharp contrast, Mia possessed the most ethereal beam he'd ever seen. One that never failed to light up a room, or the dark as espresso, cynical recesses of his heart.

The smile of an angel.

 _Her smile shines like the stars in the sky, with no bright city lights to dim them. It's like the sun opened its eager light to shine about her, only brightening her perfectly aligned teeth. She smiles like she's never been burned by love but the fire in her eyes warns you not to play with hers…_

And Mia was _definitely_ fiery! In fact, she'd proven that she harbored enough spark to make Diego mentally dub her an honorary Latina!

It was the lesson that Robert Hammond had discovered firsthand – the hard way…

* * *

 _Grossberg Law Offices_ – September 2012

"Armando is really putting your nose to the grindstone, isn't he, Doll Face?" Hammond droned in his typical insolent, patronizing fashion as he watched Mia place an enormous stack of files on her desk beside an already towering stack of papers. "Has your slave driver superior even allowed you to have a break yet?"

Diego raised an irked eyebrow at the condescending, unsolicited nickname, one which he could tell the _señorita_ did not appreciate any more than "Sweetie" or "Toots." He was skilled enough at reading women to note the indignant flare in her eyes every time these boorish, misogynistic instances occurred, easily seeing past her unwavering serene expression to the underlying indignation in those amber orbs.

To date, though, she'd somehow managed to grin and bear it all without raising an objection. Hammond may have been the new frontier in total assholology, but even he was still slick enough not to act upon these Neanderthal instincts whenever Grossberg was in the office. He knew the judicious older man wouldn't stand for such uncouth behavior in his office.

"I need to earn my stripes somehow, Mr. Hammond. Doing the grunt work is par for the course of being a rookie in this profession." Mia didn't even cast the middle-aged lecher a side-glance as she shuffled through the manila folders on her desk. "Moreover, Mr. Armando has been nothing less than an exceptional supervisor."

Locating the file she'd been rifling for, at last, she waved it triumphantly at Diego, whose workstation was beside hers. Any traces of annoyance she might've felt towards the older defense lawyer were vanquished completely as she addressed the Latino.

"Here's the case file you wanted, _Senpai_." A teasing smile played on her comely visage. "Mr. Hammond's right – I do think I've earned a trip to the percolator now. Refill?"

The uncharacteristically tongue-tied Diego could only nod in response as she leaned over and reached for his cup, mesmerized by that beatific beam.

 _A deep curve on her lips makes the world stop around her. A smile that brings back a plethora of memories in a split second. The precious dimple that crinkles makes the heart skip a beat. She has a smile that makes you feel happy about being alive, and just a bit more human…_

He shook his pounding head in disgust. He'd known he was losing his edge, but this was ridiculous! The vixen literally rendered him speechless. He was nursing a major case of sleep deprivation and the remnants of a hangover. For two cents he would've bid this assignment adieu and gone south for some sun but it was too late for that. All he wanted right now was a hot meal and a soft pillow. The thought of a hot, soft wanton was prudently edited from the list as he dragged his gaze from Mia for the hundredth time.

"I'll have one too, while you're up, Toots." Hammond waved his mug in the air.

As Mia obediently came over to take it from him, the placid smile remained plastered on her mien, despite the degrading way she'd been addressed.

An oily leer spread across his craggy, smarmy phizog.

"Looks like the _coffee_ isn't the only thing that's _perky_ , huh? Jiggle, jiggle."

Diego felt his blood beginning to boil, but Mia simply lifted her chin and walked across the room to the coffee pot, although he could see her manicured hands were shaking with suppressed anger. She suddenly became acutely aware of her rear end. Hammond must have been staring at it, the infuriating man. She tugged her skirt down and tried not to wiggle as she turned around, carrying two full cups of hot beverage.

"Here's a heads up for future reference: Jughead Chambers is a sucker for cute, helpless dames with a pretty face and pleasing… _assets_!"

Hammond didn't even try to mask his lascivious appreciation of Mia's full bust as she approached him with his coffee.

"When the day finally comes that you move past desk jockey duties and into the courtroom, I suggest you keep the Fey Twins on such apt display if you want to sway the judge, Sweetie."

 _Madre de Dios! I've had it with this turd golem!_

" _Silencio_! That's enough of your trash-talking, Hammond!" Diego pounded his fist onto his desk and glared ferociously at the middle-aged pervert disguised as an attorney. "You shut your goddamn filthy mouth right now before I gladly shut it for you!"

Before the Duke of Douchebaggery could make some sort of rebuttal, Mia held up a hand, flashing him a dazzling smile.

"As much as I appreciate your indignation on my behalf, Mr. Armando, there's no need for violence. There's nothing here that I haven't heard before. Moreover, I must thank Mr. Hammond accordingly for his sage advice to a fledgling, wet behind the ears rookie lawyer like myself."

She coquettishly batted her eyelashes in the astonished Diego's direction, but not before he missed the quick wink that followed it before turning back to Hammond, holding out his cup to him.

"Here's your java, Mr. Hammond – _Oopsie!"_

She suddenly stumbled forward, as though having tripped on the thick carpeting, catching herself by placing her palms down on Hammond's desk… But not before tipping the entire blistering contents of his coffee mug right onto his crotch.

"EEE-YOWWW!" Hammond's howl of excruciation was made almost comical by the way he skyrocketed out of his chair, not unlike a hovercraft, his features contorted in agony as he clutched at his soaked, scalded groin area. "These are Italian wool pants!"

"Oh no! How clumsy of silly, helpless little ol' me!" Mia clapped a hand to her mouth, a picture portrait of dismay. "Shall I fetch you a tissue?"

"ARRRRRGH! My junk is on fire!" Hammond was now writhing in a curled up in a ball on the floor. "I might need skin grafts!"

As a fellow man, Diego supposed he should've felt some level of empathy that Hammond's pride and joy probably wouldn't be functional for quite a while afterward. Nevertheless, all commiseration banished from his mind as Mia nonchalantly pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dropped it on the still squirming, supine man beneath her.

"As much as I'm hoping that His Honour would be more impressed by my _brains_ rather than my _body_ when I finally am able to go to trial, you've definitely put things into perspective for me, Mr. Hammond," she cooed sweetly. "I'd like to sincerely thank you for having prepared me to handle just about _any_ situation that might occur so that I don't come up… _all wet_."

She may have seemed every bit the soft and sweet, _kitten_ he'd silently dubbed her (whether the pre-facing _sex_ element to the feline title was intentional or not cause for countless hours of speculation on his behalf!), but at the end of the day, it was quite obvious that unlike a helpless newborn cat, Mia Fey could take care of herself just fine.

 _Dios Mio, can she ever!_

Diego raised his half-empty mug to hide his grin that was a mix of both lament and admiration.

Apparently, his gentlemanly instincts hadn't been required after all.

 _This kitten definitely has claws! MEOW!_

* * *

 _Police Department's Records Room_ – October 2012

After the fire-crotch incident, Hammond wisely gained a newfound solemn, albeit surly respect for the youngest member of the law office, and never harassed her again. As much as Diego would've loved to have believed that his offer to rearrange the man's ugly mug had something to do with his acquiescence, he knew better. Mia had proven she was a firecracker wrapped up in a very misleading lenity package and all it'd take was the slightest match for her to unleash a spark that'd leave you permanently singed!

It was because of this recently discovered fiery nature that the newly reformed Lothario had no idea how to go about testing the waters to see if the spark between the two of _them_ was reciprocated or entirely in his head! Normally he was never the hesitant sort with women, preferring to be very direct with his seduction approach and making his intentions clear right out of the gate, but none of those methods would be applicable to the hotheaded beauty.

Moreover, he was becoming more and more certain of the discomfiting notion that what he wanted from Mia was more than just her delectable body.

He wanted _all_ of her – mind, heart and soul. Not just for now, but forever.

That notwithstanding, he'd never felt such a magnetic attraction towards another woman before in his entire life. The hypnotic allure she instilled in him was nearly irresistible.

Right now, he could keep only half his mind on the job. The other half was preoccupied savoring the delicate, feminine scent of the captivating beauty beside him and wondering what it would be like to have her warm and willing beneath him. He had to fight to keep from staring at her sweet, full mouth. A frown of concentration tugged at it, marring her lovely features.

She was sitting beside him and helping him rifle through the old case files in the police department records room. The immeasurable heavy drawers may or may not have contained information that would help give them further introspection into the Terry Fawles case.

While he crouched down at her feet doing his own shuffling, Mia appeared quite stymied as she sat in the old swivel chair. She was going through the copious files with one hand, while the fingers of her right hand toyed distractedly with the small, nine-shaped, purple pendant that hung on a chain around her graceful, swan-like neck.

 _Nice neck,_ he thought, his mind drifting traitorously. It was a sleek ivory column that was mostly exposed because her almond hair was pulled over to one shoulder, trying to keep it out of her way as she leaned over the drawers. The smooth, soft-looking skin beckoned for the touch of a man's lips. Unconsciously he ran his tongue over his then ground his teeth at the jolt of desire surged through him.

Expelling a long breath, Diego forced himself to study Mia with the cool, impersonal professionalism he was known for, but all he could focus on was the way her fitted blazer clung to her magnificent breasts, the feminine mounds plumped together beneath the fabric of the linen in an enticing manner that made it nigh impossible to look away.

Mia bit back an angry mutter as she went back through the countless files that she was sure she'd already futilely perused for the umpteenth time. The truth was that being in such close proximity to Diego, even closer than at the office, within the cramped confines of this tiny musty room corner, was distracting her more than she cared to admit. The spicy scent of his aftershave was beyond tantalizing and seductive; almost as much as the man who wore it.

This was a fact that was getting harder and harder to ignore as the days went by.

 _Don't let him see he makes you nervous!_ She wished she could slap herself for acting like a sophomoric schoolgirl. _Crikey Moses, Mia, he's a man, not a charging rhinoceros_!

Besides, she was fairly certain with Mr. Love Em & Leave Em, she'd done a decent job thus far at hiding the fact that she was having hopelessly romantic notions about him. Luckily, his mind seemed presently preoccupied with things besides the mysteries of biological attraction.

But Lordy, Lordy above, the man was a hunk! Mia knew it was sexist to say _hunk_ , but Diego was a hunk _and a half!_

She lambasted herself for the mere thought. What did it matter to her that Diego Armando's looks could have put any Hollywood star to shame? It didn't. What did it matter to her that this gorgeous tower of masculinity often stared at her as though he found her to be raptly fascinating? He was no different from the other libidinous males of the world who ogled her with only one thing in mind, so _his_ offhand admiring glances shouldn't have mattered a bit! She reminded herself he was thoroughly arrogant, a lady-killer and way more macho Latino than she ever wished to contend with. Frankly, he wasn't even her type!

As though sensing her discomfiture – no doubt the salacious scoundrel was well aware of his appeal to the female masses! – Diego caught her side glance and met it with a knowing smirk, causing her cheeks to burn with embarrassment, and she diverted her gaze back to her task at hand.

Dammit, why couldn't her first job out of law school have resulted in her having a fat balding toad of a superior to work under? Heck, even Grossberg himself would've been preferable – she'd long since learned to tune out his rambling about the lemon-scented fresh days of his youth and his grumbling about his hemorrhoids. But no, God had shown her that He was not only as unyielding as the Rock of Gibraltar, but just as immovable as well. Ergo, in no uncertain terms, Mia was stuck being the underling of Señor Sexy McSexington – whether she wanted to or not!

"Any luck, Miss Fey?" Drawled Mr. Hotter Than A Jalapeno, a smug smile tilting the corners of his lips. "Find anything useful?"

Mia sat back in her chair and gave him the most disgruntled look she could muster considering she found his smile smoulderingly sexy. She didn't need sexy. She didn't need this Adonis creating havoc on her senses five days a week and making her bones go limp every time she looked at him. How would she ever get any work done going around with limp bones?

"I need to get out of here," she announced brusquely, practically jumping out of her chair and stepping away from him; desperately needing to put some distance between them. "It's Friday night, and it's later than I realized. Maya's taking the train down from the village for the weekend, and I told her to meet us at the law office at 7:00. It's 6:30 already. I promised to take her out for dinner, and I can't be late. Do you mind if we just take a look at these evidence files with a fresh set of eyes on Monday morning?"

She'd leaped out of her seat so abruptly that she didn't see the ankle-high stack of files on the floor next to her, and nearly toppled over. However, Diego quickly shot up, and his arms went around her in an automatic reaction to save her from falling. The body against body contact was brief, yet Mia felt as if she'd run directly into the sun, the heat was so intense. Carnal awareness exploded through her, shattering her sense of calm into a bazillion shards

His hands were gripping her upper arms, and his fingertips inadvertently brushed the soft outer swell of her breasts. The shock of the contact instantly derailed his train of thought. How it'd feel to cup his hands beneath those firm, feminine globes of flesh? Heat surged through him in a wildfire of desire.

"I guess it doesn't matter if I agree or not since we came here in _your_ car." Locking his gaze on hers, he held his breath tightly in his lungs and willed his concentration back. The strain came through his sandpaper voice. "Looks like I have no choice but to hitch a ride back with you."

 _Mystic Ami help me!_ The notion of being crammed into her tiny car with Rico Sauvé after this latest episode of sexual tension was the last thing Mia needed in the world, but it looked like she didn't have much of a choice!

In the meantime, why didn't he back off and give her some room? Being wedged between the wall and his body was having a devastating effect on her mind. Her eyes kept drifting to the width of his shoulders and chest. A sculptor couldn't have carved a more artistic representation of the male animal. Even under his dress shirt, his demarcated muscles visibly flexed and rippled under the overhead fluorescent lighting, which did nothing to detract from his masculine beauty; it only emphasized the fact that he was walking, talking mass of smoldering sensuality. The lines of his tanned visage struck her as being semi-exotic, defined, yet still blatantly male — the high cheekbones, the straight nose, the finely chiseled mouth. It was a strikingly-featured, beyond handsome face. A strong face. And the strength continued down the corded muscles of his neck to his broad shoulders.

"I'm okay, you caught me in time." Mia's breath was running out of her in fluttering ribbons. "You – you can let go of me now."

"As you wish. But there's no need to be skittish, Miss Fey," he murmured, his gaze locked on hers, all the while making no move to release her whatsoever. "I'll let you go – if that's what you _really_ want me to do…"

Mia felt she had _plenty_ to be edgy about! The coil of desire tightening inside her. The feel of Diego's rock-hard thighs brushing against her. The fact that she couldn't drag her eyes away from the sharply firm lines of his mouth. At the moment, she was more afraid of this unfamiliar, unignorable sensual thrall between them than she'd ever been frightened of anything in her entire life.

Electricity ran down her back in warm rivulets. Her bosom seemed to heat and swell at his accidental touch. A burning sensation ran from her chest and continued southbound to pool and swirl in the most feminine part of her.

Ultimately, self-preservation made Mia jerk herself free from his grasp.

"Let's get going then."

She desperately tried to turn her mind away from the tension that was still lingering between them, so thick you could've cut it with a katana blade.

To her dismay, she found her mental power steering had gone out, and her thoughts kept veering back to Diego's large, masculine hands brushing against her breasts. It was the first time since university that a man had touched her – that she'd even _allowed_ to touch her – even accidentally.

Stifling a groan, she cleared her throat and forced her thoughts back to the conversation.

"I don't want to keep my baby sister waiting."

Diego stared after her as she raced off like the hounds of hell were on her tail. Since there was no cold shower available to cool off from their heated, almost encounter, he opted to stay back for a few moments to pull himself together, as well as tidy up the mess of files, including the pile that'd nearly knocked Mia off her feet, and consequently end up in his arms.

When he came outside to the parking lot a short time later, he found her leaning over the open hood of her ancient Ford Pinto while emitting a daisy chain of expletives that would've made a sailor blush.

"Car trouble?" He inquired mildly.

"The blasted thing start won't start!" She grumbled. "I'm sure it's the alternator that's finally gone kaput. But I can't tell because the engine makes a pathetic wheezing sound every time I put the key in the ignition, and then sputters and dies!"

"Shall I take a gander?"

He was pleased to have the opportunity to play knight in shining armor. Diego loved tinkering with cars. He'd paid his way through law school helping at his uncle's garage, learning enough about the fundamentals of mechanics to actually start up his own auto shop if he ever tired of being a lawyer.

"I'm quite handy with these things… _Hold it!_ What are you _doing_ "

He'd already been in the process of rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and unbuttoning his vest so it wouldn't get grease on it when he saw, to his utter incredulity, that Mia was slightly hiking up her skirt and reaching her fingers underneath the waistband to tug at something.

"Taking off my stockings," she replied blithely, as though it were obvious. She carelessly propped one foot up against the fender and bent her knee, giving him a prolonged view of her long, perfectly shaped leg, now bared from its sheer nylon casing, and then repeated the action with the other, like this was an everyday event. "I've read somewhere that for old cars like mine, the pantyhose trick works as a temporary fix for vehicles with v-belts."

The gobsmacked defense attorney watched as she nonchalantly removed her blazer, revealing toned slender arms that were uncovered by the silky sleeveless blouse she wore beneath the jacket and went to work.

"Let me help," he insisted gallantly, admiring her independent streak while the same time wishing she'd let him be helpful for a change! "We don't want you breaking a nail or sullying those delicate hands with nasty grease."

"Sure," she answered distractedly, already in full operation mode "There are two bolts holding the alternator in place… Could you go into my glove compartment and get me that rag so I can loosen them?"

"They're probably on there really tight." He couldn't resist one last-ditch effort to prove his industriousness. "Do you want some additional elbow grease?"

Mia raised her head at last. Her gaze lingered on his upper torso, now free from its vest, and the sinewy muscles on his forearms, fully exposed now that he'd rolled back the sleeves, for only a split second, before shaking her head and dropping her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm stronger than I look! It's a Fey trait." She resumed the task at hand. "I know this is only a temporary fix. It'll create just enough friction on the pulleys to get them moving for the short trip back to the office, but at least I can get to my sister. I can worry about getting it towed to a garage later. Now then, if you really want to be helpful, there _is_ something you can do for me."

"Name it," he replied automatically, try not to sound relieved at the idea of being able to show off some of his mechanical skills. "What can I do?"

"As soon as I get the pantyhose in place, would you mind turning the key in the ignition and seeing if the car starts?"

The seemingly menial nature of the assigned task made Diego feel like a cumberworld in every sense as the man was forced to essentially stand there and look ornamental – whilst the fairer sex did the dirty grunt grunt work! As much as he could appreciate just how far women's liberation had come over the years… He was now also starting to despise it _with the burning passion of a thousand suns_!

* * *

Meeting Maya was an unexpected pleasure. She was a plucky, sanguine adolescent, petite in stature and cute as a button. While there was essentially no physical resemblance to her glamorous older sister, he'd noted that the teenager's lambert dark eyes, which her black Shetland pony bangs kept falling into, bore the same playful sparkle as the elder Fey's whenever she was in a daffing mood.

When they'd gotten back to the office, Mia had needed to call a tow truck for her car, as it'd died the moment they'd gotten to the office parking lot. The effervescent Maya had implored Diego to join them for the night since he'd valiantly offered to drive them to the girls' favorite fast food restaurant, The Burger Queen.

Happy to play the needed role of chauffeur for the stranded damsels, he'd at least hoped he could treat them to a fun night out, too, but Mia had immediately vetoed it. The intransigent _mule of a woman_ had staunchly insisted on paying for _his_ food as well as theirs, insisting that it was her way of repaying him for driving them around.

Her firm no-nonsense tone left zero room for any sort of rebuttal.

It was unfathomable that the woman he was absolutely crazy about could make him feel so happy… yet _emasculated_ at the same time! How was he ever going to sweep her off her feet and woo her when she wouldn't _let_ him?

The evening had been wonderful though. Maya was every bit the embarrassing little sister, unabashedly teasing Mia about her and Diego being _special someone's_ and slyly confiding in a stage whisper that she'd heard so much about him from her older sibling that she felt as if she knew him already! She'd then made a big show of putting Mia in the middle when they'd gone to a movie afterward, giving him no choice but to sit beside the calescent defense attorney during the film (and feeling tingles shoot up his arm, and straight to his chest whenever their fingers would brush in the shared popcorn bucket in his lap). The pint-sized Maya, a.k.a. the human garburator, despite having demolished _two_ sumo-sized burger combos at the restaurant had still managed to put away an entire large-size bucket of popcorn _and_ bathtub sized soft drink all by herself!

 _That girl is going to have to marry rich!_ The amused lawyer thought to himself. _I pity the poor, unsuspecting man who gets saddled with this future burger queen down the line – if he doesn't already have deep pockets, he's going to have to get a second mortgage to be able to afford to feed her!_

Maya had insisted they see _The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2_. Diego surmised if suffering through two insufferable hours of pansy-ass, sparkling teenage vampires (he'd rather have spent the afternoon listening to Grossberg's 'roid and anal fissure issues!) wasn't enough proof that he was head over heels, he wasn't sure _what_ was!

* * *

 _Shopping Mall_ – December 2012

Diego was a complete loss about how to win the heart of this maddening, wonderful, obstinate woman! At the very least, he'd hoped to surprise her with a wonderful Christmas present. The investigation opportunity presented itself while they'd been Christmas shopping for a present for Grossberg – (however applicable, they'd agreed that _Preparation H_ would've been entirely inappropriate for a boss gift!) – and had opted instead for a dapper and cufflinks set. Naturally, she'd insisted they split the price 50/50, despite the steep cost, and the fact that he made far more than she did on her rookie lawyer salary. However, when he'd tried to steer the topic towards her own wish list, to his chagrin, he'd hit yet another dead end.

"So what are your holiday plans?"

"Maya's coming down Christmas Eve. Normally I'd go up to the village, but Pearl and my Aunt Morgan have colds and aren't feeling overly festive – so it'll be her first Noël in LA. I can't wait to see her face when she opens all her presents – although I think I may have gone a bit overboard!"

She gestured sheepishly to the half-dozen shopping bags in her hands; he'd gallantly offered to carry the other _dozen!_

"I know I've spoiled her rotten this year, but it's my only way of trying to make up for us being apart so much since I moved down here." A gusty sigh. "I miss that kid so much. She's my whole world."

"I've seen how much Maya adores you," he'd assured her. "I'm sure spending Christmas with her big sister is the greatest gift of all."

In the end, since jewelry, perfume and _lingerie_ were all too personal, he could only hope she'd be happy with the _Cordyline stricta_ he'd surprise her with at the office after the Christmas break (he feared it'd wilt being unattended while they were closed for the holidays). The Slender Palm Lily plant was pretty and graceful, like the giftee herself, and seemed about as neutral as he could get without revealing his true underlying feelings.

She'd really left him with no other choice since his gift probing efforts had been an utter _bust_! Her non-answer had made him want to bang his head against a wall!

"What about _you_ , though?" He'd fervently hoped he sounded casual with the inquiry. "During this shopping spree you did for Maya, was there anything, in particular, you're hoping Santa will surprise you with underneath your tree?"

"Oh, I don't know." Another sigh. "Christmas is so much harder when you get older, you know? It's like, how to answer the proverbial question of _what do you want this year?_ I don't know… maybe a sense of purpose? Financial security? Could use more sleep, a bottle of wine and maybe some new bras?"

With that last comment, Diego had been forced to bite his tongue so hard, he was sure he would have permanent teeth marks on it!

* * *

 _Grossberg Law Offices_ – December 24, 2012

Sitting in the office now, Diego mentally went over every detail of his friendship with Mia over the last few months and realized that save for those stolen moments at the police department, he had zero indication that he _wasn't_ living out a Bob Marley song. That he wasn't "Waiting In Vain" for a love that would never be his.

His gut instincts told him that Mia was at least attracted to him… But that wasn't enough.

Ironically, it'd be the first time in his life that _feeding the kitty_ simply wouldn't suffice. There was no way he'd even fathom risking the potential messiness of getting involved with somebody from the office; not unless he thought it could be something real and long-lasting.

And he wasn't sure she was interested in that with him at all.

Even though he'd known her less than a year, Diego could no longer remember what his life had been like before Mia had come along and brightened up his world.

 _Just the mere sight of her helps to get me through a long day's work and always brings a smile to my face. In her presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but I find I'm quite content in just having her nearby. Things that never interested me before – late work nights, shopping, teenybopper movies – they become fascinating because I know they are important to her, this kitten who's become so special to me._

The sadistic shop owner of the convenience store beneath the office had left his Christmas music on overnight, so the repetitive festive Muzak soundtrack in the background to set the scene. Never being the overly sentimental type, Diego generally found Christmas music to be trite and positively mind-numbing. However, at that moment, the songs carrying up from below went unnoticed as he continued to mull over his seemingly unrequited ardor.

It wasn't mere lust that he felt for Mia. Of this he was positive. So just what _was_ this feeling?!

"Sometimes I wish I knew how to quit you!" He idly tapped his pen against his notepad. "It's tiring to think about you all the time. It's unnerving to keep getting jealous with everyone else, wondering if the delivery guy who brought us pizza the other night who was flirting with you has a better chance with you than I do. Glaring balefully at every man who dares give you a second – and third! – glance whenever I'm with you and wishing I could pop them right in the nose! You make me selfish, insecure. There are days I wish I could get rid of this certain addiction for you that I can't quite understand."

 _You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you vainly hope to experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you…_

He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard the song from the _Polar Express_ movie playing. It'd been a favorite holiday film as a child, but right now, he wasn't hearing the actual lyrics. While he wasn't maudlin enough to actually be singing along to Christmas songs, against his own volition, his mind seemed intent on making its own verses to the hauntingly beautiful melody.

* * *

 **{Diego}**

 ** _I've loved her from afar  
Too long to be believed  
I wish upon a star  
Her heart's mine to receive  
She makes my mind feel dizzy  
Turned my world upside down  
I hope someday that kitten comes around_**

* * *

 ** _Mouth dries up when she's near  
Strange feelings so unknown  
Rejection's what I fear…  
I pine for her alone  
Keep faith that we're meant to be  
Can't let spirits get down  
I hope someday that kitten comes_ _around_**

* * *

 ** _Fire, brains and beauty like I've never seen  
Everything I've wanted, woman of my dreams  
There's a spark between us, my soul cannot deceive  
Wishing that she feels…the same_**

* * *

 ** _Fire, brains and beauty like I've never seen  
Everything I've wanted, woman of my dreams  
There's a spark between us, my soul cannot deceive  
Wishing that she feels…the same_**

* * *

 ** _When she laughs, angels sing  
And smiles replace my frowns  
All the joy that she brings  
Never fails to astound  
And on this night of Christmas Eve  
Star wishes run abound  
I hope someday that kitten comes around_**

* * *

Glancing down at his notepad with a start, Diego was stupefied to realize that not only his _brain,_ but consequently, his _hand_ , as though he no longer bore full control of it, had been scribbling down the personalized lyrics on the paper.

It was hardly Shakespearean-worthy prose; he'd readily accepted that as a poet, he was an utter balladmonger. Nonetheless, Mia was poetry…yet he couldn't read.

 _I saw in her eyes, all the poetry I didn't dare to write._

He let out a wistful sigh and murmured the last scrawled verse under his breath.

* * *

 **{Diego}**

 ** _I pray someday that kitten comes around…_**

* * *

"What are you still doing at the office, _Senpai_?"

He blinked in confusion. The holiday season must really be getting to him. No doubt hearing a song about children's Noël miracles was the indisputable reason his deceitful eyes were making him believe that the object of his affection had unexpectedly materialized in the doorway, like some sort of miraculous Christmas Angel.

He clenched his bleary eyes shut, but when he opened them again, Mia was still standing there, her head tilted to the side as she regarded him with a puzzled smile.

Springing into action, he quickly shoved the incriminating evidence of his lovesick status into his jacket pocket and cleared his throat.

"Just catching up on some paperwork. But I could ask you the same question – what are _you_ doing here, Miss Fey?"

"Maya missed the 5:00 train from Kurian village, so she caught a later one. It's a two-hour trip, so she won't be down for a couple of hours. I'd just gotten home when I realized that some of the files I promised to work on over the holiday were still sitting on my desk," Mia explained. "And since I now had some extra time to kill while I wait for her to come down, I thought I'd come back and grab them. But I didn't think that you'd still be here this late – it's dark out already!"

Squizzing down at his watch, Diego realized she was right. It was 8:30 already; definitely, time for him to get out of there. He could continue _La Douleur Exquise_ over the sorry state of his love life from the privacy of his own home!

"Where did you park?" He asked. "When ducked out to grab a bite to eat a few hours ago, the parking lot was full when I got back."

"It still is. I guess the other businesses around us are having their office party tonight. I had to park a couple of blocks away, but there's a shortcut through the alley."

He frowned.

"I don't like the idea of you going through alleys by yourself at this hour. I'm going to walk you to your car."

"You don't have to do that!" She protested. "I'm a big girl – I can take care of myself."

"And I'm a gentleman and as long as we're in this office… Your immediate supervisor," he shot back with a grin, although his tone was unyielding. It was his turn to be stubborn now. "And I am making it my holiday decree to have you escorted safely to your vehicle on this festive evening where looters and winos run rampant through the city, Miss Fey. No objections!"

"Whatever you say," she joked, taking the arm he offered her once they were outside.

They walked along and companionable silence, and then, against his better judgement, they ended up taking the shortcut she insisted upon through the dark alley, and they were halfway through the lane when disaster struck.

The gunman in the ski mask appeared to jump out of nowhere, shoving the barrel of his pistol right into Diego's face before he had a chance to react.

"Watch. Wallet. Now," growled the thief, cocking the hammer. "And don't try any funny business, see?"

"You can have my watch," Diego assured him tersely, giving a silent note of thanks that he'd only warn his cheap Rolex knock off that day and that he didn't carry much cash in his billfold. "I'm just reaching into my pants pocket to get my wallet…"

"Nice and slow," the robber hissed, now pointing the gun at Mia, who was frozen in fear. "And I think I'll take that pretty little glowing pendant around your neck, too, lady."

"My – my magatama?" She stammered, her hands flying protectively over the mystical gemstone.  
"B – but this isn't even it made from any sort of precious, or even semiprecious stone! It's purely sentimental family value… You won't garner even a penny trying to sell it…"

Diego had no idea what the significance was of the strangely shaped object dangling from Mia's chain was, or why she'd be risking her life with an armed robber over it. However, he recalled that Maya wore very similar one around her neck, and surmised it must be some sort of Fey heirloom, which meant it was very important to her.

Which meant he couldn't let it be taken away.

He placed a protective arm around her shoulder while still reaching for his wallet with his free hand.

"This ring on my finger is pure silver," he offered bravely. "I'm not sure how much you can pawn it for, but it's yours if you'll just leave the lady alone."

"Why not both?" The masked bandit snarled, jabbing his gun into Diego's shoulder and producing a switchblade with his free hand, which he was now waving at Mia. "Give me that necklace."

"No!" Diego shouted, more alarmed by the sharp metal blade that was now inches from his friend's terrified face than at the gun pressed against his own body. "Leave her alone!"

He quickly spun his body around so Mia was fully shielded by him and attempted to knock the gun out of the mugger's hand. He was only partially successful, because as the pistol fell to the cement, his swift action resulted in the disquieted criminal jerking forward with the knife, slashing deeply into the defense attorney's arm. The stinging sensation from the bloody wound shocked him into releasing his protective grip on his protégé, who dropped to the ground but tucked into a roll so she wasn't hurt by the fall. He was still standing between her and the robber, listening intently for the sound of her retreating footsteps, hoping she'd run to safety and call for help.

Instead, a loud cry pierced the night.

 _"WHAAAAAAAA!"_

"Holy bat, Shitman!" The robber croaked, just as he was propelled backward by a Straight Blast shot, the famous signature fist move of the legendary movie star martial artist, Bruce Lee.

Glancing down at his exposed chest, where a couple of shirt buttons had become undone in the scuffle, Diego was dimly cognizant of the clear imprint bearing Mia's nine-shaped pendant on the skin of his chest, where he'd all but crushed her against him, a sensation that was dulled as he clutched his free hand to his injured shoulder and saw his fingers were a glistening ruby red.

 _¡Ay, caramba!_ He thought dazedly as he sank to his knees onto the cold pavement. _I must be bleeding to death…or at least be hallucinating. How else to explain the inexplicable, humanly impossible sight I just witnessed?!_

Diego tried to keep his eyes open. He could hear sirens in the distance and loud voice shouting, "Freeze, pal! LAPD!" But his lids kept drifting shut.

If only he weren't so damned woozy. If only he could clear the fuzz out of his brain, he was sure he could have figured out what was going out there. But at that moment, he didn't believe he could figure out two plus two.

He squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, Mia was bent over him, concern etched in every feature of her heart-shaped face. _She sure is gorgeous,_ he noted, needing something to fasten his mind on. Her teeth dug into her full lower lip. He yearned to know if they tasted as sweet as they looked – he imagined them to be like the cherry Coke she'd had at the movie theater a few months ago. What was the film called again? _Breaking Wind?_ His mind was too foggy to remember.

She reached down and stroked his cheek with fingertips that felt like icicles on his burning skin. She was worried about him. It was there in her lovely brown eyes but he could feel the cerebrating more than see it. He grasped it with a sense that had no name and wasn't counted among the five most normally used. He could feel Mia's concern. And he wondered just before he lost consciousness what it'd be like to let down his guard and have this woman's concern touch his innermost self; the lonely man he kept locked inside him behind walls of wariness and cynicism and hidden behind a never-ending parade of inconsequential lovers… until she'd come along.

Heaven. It would be like heaven. But heaven was a long way out of his reach.

Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was already dead.

How else could one possibly explain that his heavenly savior; the one who'd restrained his assailant that night by performing the iconic Jeet Kune Do fighting moves, popularized by Bruce Lee… had been _none other_ than the late _Dragon_ himself?!

While wearing _Mia's_ work clothes?!

 _Hickfield Clinic_ – December 24, 2012

ER Dr. Suhkdeep Mann had diagnosed Diego's heroically attained shoulder injury as a deep enough laceration to require stitches, then cautioned that tetanus shots tended to have a very sedative effect. Ergo, the Latino would be zonked out for a while. However, he'd assured the unnerved Mia that the defense attorney would be just fine in a day or so, and probably be home for Christmas.

Hearing this news of this holiday miracle was the greatest gift of all.

As Diego moaned in his sleep, she responded to him on an instinctive level and bent over him to stroke a soothing hand along the rough, beard-shadowed plane of his cheek. The action was as automatic as breathing.

Unable to stop herself, Mia reached out with one finger and traced the length of his arm. It was a trail that followed the hills and valleys of muscles on a man who used his body as well as his mind. The hair on the back of his forearm rasped gently against her fingertips and tingles of awareness shot through her. She pulled her hand away as if his fevered skin had singed her. Her gaze jerked back up to his shoulder where a fresh bandage covered the knife wound.

Why had he gone through such extremes for her? He of devilish charm who could have any woman he chose? He was a riddle inside a puzzle inside a dangerously handsome facade.

In spite of her relief, Mia had every intention of giving that man a piece of her mind as soon as he woke up! She definitely wasn't the sort of person who craved a lot of excitement. She didn't need to get involved with people who took potentially getting shot in stride as a normal hazard of their everyday lives! She couldn't believe he'd nearly gotten himself killed over her!

The brave, wonderful, noble, hot as sin… _idiot!_

 _Romanticizing again, Mia_ , she scolded herself and nibbled on her lip. _Who's the idiot **now?!**_

In all fairness, it was difficult not to fantasize about the circumstances. She felt like the heroine of a historical novel; a damsel nursing a fallen knight – who happened to be more handsome than the devil himself.

With a sigh, she sat back and studied him as he settled into a deeper sleep, absently rubbing her magatama between her thumb and forefinger. He was full of surprises, just like Pandora's Box. And like the girl in the story, she had an irresistible urge to open the box, even though she knew how unwise it could be.

Who was he? She wondered, trying frantically to get her mind off his anatomy. Where was he from? What was his family background? How could she be so attracted to him without knowing these vital bits of information? She wasn't the sort to fall for a man based on looks alone.

It wasn't just that. She'd spent more than enough time with Diego to know by now that there was a lot more to him than what pleasingly met the eye.

Which meant now she was in real peril.

"The stress of what happened tonight is making you irrational," Mia muttered to herself. "That's the only logical explanation. You're not _seriously_ falling for Diego Armando!"

Her entire body seemed to reject the statement she'd just made.

Admittedly, the physical attraction had been there from the minute she'd walked into that law office and first heard his sexy bedroom voice.

Lust. There wasn't anything rational or logical about it.

An ominous sense of certainty descended over her.

Who was she kidding? This was more than mere lust and she damn well _knew_ it!

From the very first time she'd gazed into those intense dark eyes, Mia knew that she was hopelessly lost.

In those earthy hues were his soul, not in the way of those cheesy romance novels, so obsessed with carnality, but with the kind of beauty that expanded a moment into a personal eternity; a heaven you wished to be a part of.

Her slim shoulders rose and fell with her sigh of defeat. She couldn't have picked a more difficult man if she'd held auditions for the part. Under his suave exterior, she sensed Diego was jaded, sardonic, and, despite being a ladies' man, a loner.

But he was also smart and warm and protective and kind…

There were no two ways about it – the darn man needed love. He _deserved_ love.

She wasn't exactly sure when it'd happened. Or even when it'd started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling like a ton of bricks, and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way.

 _I want to be everything you could ever need. Let me be the sun peeking through the clouds after a storm. Let me be the eyes you look into, the eyes you lose track of time in, the eyes that can heal wounds neither of us can see. Let me be the piece that makes you whole again, to complete your soul. Let me be the song you can never get out of your head, the song playing on repeat all day every day. Let me be the smile you can never forget, that grin you always want to see. Let me be these things and I promise I'll never let you down._

Now she was in even deeper peril.

"Jiminy Christmas," she muttered on a sigh of resignation. _Why_ did she have to be such a blasted romantic? In college, her best friend had always counseled her to hang onto that trait. Lana Skye had claimed that the world needed more romantics. Maybe that was true, but why the heck did _she_ have to be one of them?!

* * *

 _Hickfield Clinic_ – December 24, 2012

The next morning, Maya had insisted on accompanying Mia to the hospital to check on Diego. Her little sister seemed to have acquired the hugest crush on the defense attorney since their night at the movies. She also wouldn't stop teasingly referring to him as her 'future brother-in-law,' despite Mia's blushing protests.

The moment they'd gotten to his floor, the spirit medium had asserted that, despite having eaten a special Yuletide breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes (shaped like Santa hats and Christmas bells) only half an hour ago, she was hungry – yet _again_! Naturally, she'd then begged for some grub from the cafeteria.

Mia never could say no to those pleading, puppy-dog brown eyes. She doubted the poor future sucker her sister would end up (and consequently eat out of house and home!) would be able to, either!

With a resigned laugh, Mia decided that rather than bring her bottomless pit of a sibling along and risk having her order everything on the menu, she'd have the teen wait for her outside Diego's room while she made the quick food run. Her meager pockets could only afford some chips and just a few other munchies – she simply didn't make enough money to keep that child fully satiated on her rookie attorney salary!

When she returned, arms laden with snacks, she was surprised to see Maya wasn't sitting in the hallway anymore. Puzzled, she peeked her head into the room – and then froze in the doorway.

Nothing could've prepared Mia for the sight before her, or for the effect that it'd have on her heart.

Diego was sitting up in bed, bronze chest bared and dark hair tousled, looking impossibly masculine and gorgeous despite being in need of a shave. Maya was sitting on the bed laughing gleefully beside him, jabbering away a mile a minute.

"I can't believe Sis never explained we're from a long line of spirit mediums!" She was crowing. "Boy, do you two ever have a load of catching up to do! Turns out you really weren't hallucinating last night; you really _did_ see Bruce Lee kick that mugger's ass last night! Although by the time the detective got there – I forgot what she said his name was… Gumtree? Suede Shoe? – the thug was totally knocked out cold! So, in the end, Sis saved the day with her awesome channeling powers!"

"I had no idea I was working alongside such a spiritual powerhouse, although I'm most fortunate that she's on _my_ side." Diego's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled fondly at Maya. "I'm also a lucky man to have woken up to such a special visitor in my room!" He tapped her on the nose. " _You_ must be my Christmas present!"

Maya giggled again and smiled at him adoringly.

"Lord, don't do this to me," Mia whispered weakly. She was too exhausted and too emotionally drained right now to fight off the wave of emotions that'd assaulted her upon seeing that big, macho lawyer warming the heart of her baby sister. Wearily she closed her eyes.

In a flash, every memory she had of her time with the java lover passed through her mind – his initial arrogance... the way he'd risen to protect her from Hammond's lechery… the way he'd endured watching that train-wreck vampire movie (although comparing it to a train wreck wasn't really fair to train wrecks, because people actually _wanted_ to watch those!) … going Christmas shopping with her … the way he always made her laugh during their late-night work sessions…

She thought of the incredible physical magnetism that drew her to him. Then she opened her eyes and regarded him again as he bent his dark head and murmured something that made Maya let out another peal of laughter.

And in that instant, Mia fell completely, hopelessly totally in love with Diego Armando.

It wasn't a pleasant thing. It wasn't flowers and church bells and bird song. It was a long, hard fall down a bumpy hill to the rocks of reality. She was in love with a man who distanced himself from people. He kept to himself behind a wall speaking with a silver tongue and offering lovers physical ecstasy, but nothing deeper of himself. She didn't want to be in love with him. Any woman with an ounce of common sense would've taken one look and known this Casanova was nothing but a heartbreaker.

That had to mean she didn't have a shred of intelligence then, because she was looking at him now and all she wanted was to go join him on that bed, have him take her in those muscular arms and hold her.

The fingers of her left hand curled around the smooth wood of the door frame as if to keep her from giving in to that desire.

Diego looked up and saw her looming in the doorway, beaming from ear to ear at the sight of her.

"Good morning, Miss Fey. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." She met his smile with a bashful one of her own. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." His brain felt like steel wool his shoulder throbbed and his skin hurt all over but these complaints seemed minor enough to fit under the heading of "fine."

All that mattered was he was alive

"How long have I been out?" Diego asked, scratching at the stubble that covered his lean cheeks.

"About 12 hours,'' she answered as she flitted about his room like a hyperactive butterfly, straightening thing that had already been straightened a dozen times and had never needed it in the first place.

Maya's eyes lit up as she saw the armful of goodies Mia was carrying.

"Swiss Rolls!" She chirped merrily, pouncing upon them like a ravenous lion. "Ooooh… _and_ burger-flavored potato chips! Huzzah!"

"I hope they tide you over for at least the morning," Mia said dryly. "They were all I could afford! I don't know what's more gouging – the parking rates at this hospital, or how much they charge for so-called food!"

"They should tide me over for an hour at _least_!" Maya replied cheerfully through a mouthful of chocolate goodness. "Although I'm sure I could've picked something more filling if you'd just let me go with you!"

"If I'd done that, I wouldn't be able to pay my rent!" Mia laughed as the girl ripped open the peppermint candies and fed Diego one. "Slow down, Maya; you're acting like you haven't eaten in a month! It's like Aunt Morgan doesn't feed you at all!"

"All we eat in the village are _vegetables_!" Maya exclaimed plaintively. "And Aunty doesn't let me have any snacks in between meals, because she says feeling semi-starved is better for harnessing spiritual powers!"

"Tell you what, Maya," Diego ventured smoothly. "If you reach into my jacket hanging on that chair and grab my wallet, I'll give you some money to go get yourself some _real_ food from the cafeteria. How's that sound?"

"Super-duper!" Maya eagerly hopped up and went rifling through his coat pockets, retrieving the leather billfold. A crumpled sheet of paper fell to the floor as she did so, and the defense attorney grew visibly flustered as she held it up. "Hey, what's this?"

"Nothing!" Diego replied quickly, already extending his palm. "Could you hand that here, please?"

Shrugging, Maya passed him the notebook page, which he quickly shoved under the blanket. Then she pecked him on the cheek as she grabbed a $20 bill from the wallet.

"Thanks a bunch, Diego! You're the best! Merry Christmas, and get well soon!"

" _Feliz Navidad, preciosa_ ," he replied indulgently, waiting until Maya had left the room before turning to Mia with a raised brow.

"Spirit channeling, huh? And Bruce Lee, of all people! It'll always be: _go big or go home_ with you, won't it?"

"I didn't think I'd even still be capable of it… It's been years," Mia admitted shyly. "Though I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I wanted to let you know that while I'm really thankful to you, and so glad that you're going to be alright, I'm also really sorry that you got hurt defending me."

"I _tried_ to defend you," he corrected wryly. "In the end, you just proved for the umpteenth time that you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself and don't need my help for anything."

He flashed a crooked grin.

"All _I_ did was cause myself a minor contretemps by getting injured in the process!"

"What on earth is this pettifog about?" She gasped in dismay. "I admit that I'd learned to rely on my own means since I moved out of the village and into the city, but let's get real! Diego, that man had a knife _and_ a gun… If you hadn't distracted and disarmed him with your temerity, we could _both_ be dead right now!"

"Nonetheless, _I'm_ not the one who apparently beat the snot out of the perpetrator, as your sister so colorfully explained, and then gave him the big KO!" He let out a humorless laugh. "That was all _you_."

"Will you stop being such a chauvinistic brute already?!" She retorted indignantly, bewildered and hurt by his somewhat rancorous tone. "I did what I had to do to ensure we both survived the attack! Would you rather I'd allowed us to be at the mercy of that lunatic? What the heck is your _problem_?"

"My problem is that you're a difficult woman to stack up against, Mia Fey!" He snapped back. "From the moment I met you, all I've wanted to do was be there for you, help you, protect you! Alas, all my efforts have bombed so hard, they made the H-bomb look like a two-inch salute!"

Mia felt as though she'd been slapped. She felt terrible if she'd somehow made him feel that way – but at the same time, she didn't want to have to apologize for who she was.

"Well, forgive me for having grown accustomed to being independent and not some simpering damsel in distress who needs to rely on a man for every little thing," she bit back. "I guess playing the role of the cute, helpless female in accordance with how that slimebag vulgarian initially treated me is the only thing that'd ever make a behindhand, sexist jerk-face like _you_ happy!"

"Objection! I _never_ wanted you to be something you're not!" He cried in frustration. "You're perfect just the way you are – which only makes it that much harder for a man like me to try to _wow_ you!"

Mia reeled back in shock, and Diego sighed deeply. He softened his tone, the picture of utter dejection now as he regarded her with hapless espresso orbs.

"From day one, the only thing I've ever truly been peccable of was wanting to impress you... Mia."

" _Why_?" She blurted out before she could stop herself. "I'm already in love with you!"

Diego's eyes widened at her outburst, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, feeling her face burning behind her palm as she awaited his reaction with bated breath.

Her proclamation hung in the air for what seemed like a million agonizing minutes, until he spoke, at last, his cadence laced with awe.

"These are some heavy meds they gave me here." His tone was filled with wonder. "They must give the power to grant your greatest wish…assuming I didn't hallucinate what I thought I just heard you say?"

For a minute, Mia's courage almost failed her, but then she steeled her nerves and met his eyes steadily. This time, she didn't look away as she spoke the words left unsaid for far too long.

"You say _you've_ been trying to impress _me_ … yet I'm the one who still gets butterflies even though I've seen you hundreds of times." Her voice trembled. "Remember how you asked me what I wanted for Christmas?"

He nodded silently.

"Well, all I want for Christmas … is _you_ , Diego. That's it." Mia's lips quivered. "I want you, with all your mistakes. All your flaws, smiles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want _you_."

Her eyes sparkled with heartfelt, the light making them look alive. Their light topaz color was soft, the exact shade of the gemstone. A ring of gold hung inside her iris, adding another layer of depth to her already beautiful orbs.

"I have died every day waiting for you. Diego, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years, and I'll love you for a thousand more. I've waited long enough, but I'll wait even longer if it means someday you'll love me, too…"

Nothing could've prepared Diego for the rush of wonder flooding through him from his declaration. The irrevocable power of those three magic words was unequivocally rhapsodic, mind-blowing, exhilarating … and everything he ever could have wanted in this whole world.

Without uttering a word, he slid the crumpled note from under the blanket and pressed it into her palm, his eyes never leaving her face as she read the song lyrics that he'd penned the night before. Tears of joy began to roll down her cheeks, and he tenderly wiped them away with his thumb.

" _Mi gatita,"_ he uttered hoarsely, already reaching for her face to draw her to him, his heart in his eyes. _"Te quiero con todo mi alma."_

" _Yo también te quiero_ , Diego Armando." She stroked his cheek. " _Siempre_."

" _Eres el amor de mi vida,_ Mia Fey," he vowed, resting his forehead against hers. "I would not only give up all the women in the world for you, but I'd even give up _coffee_ for you."

She began to giggle helplessly as he added, "but I know you love me too much to ever ask."

"Don't tempt me, _Señor Java!"_

"You've been tempting me with those divine lips from the moment I saw you," he growled. "Let me finally give in to my sinful temptations, my enchantress."

He put a hand under her chin. As soon as she tilted her head up toward him, he placed his palm on her cheek. He leaned over, inching toward her lips, as she struggled to decide whether or not to close her eyes. When his lips brushed hers, her eyes closed on their own. It was a gentler kiss than she'd expected from him, full of invitation, but no pressure.

Mia's lips accepted the overture. There was no way she could even try to resist. So, she leaned into him, kissing him back with all the pent-up love and longing in her heart. Her mouth parted ever so slightly, her breath mingling with his. He tasted faintly of candy cane. He pulled her closer to him, and the kiss grew more intense; a lot less invitation and a lot more pressure.

It was dizzying. It was the sweetest of kisses. Mia couldn't help but drink it in. She had so little control where this man was concerned – and none at the moment. In the deepest, most secret part of her soul, all she wanted was to have him hold her as he was holding her now. As if he cherished her; as if he wanted her in his life for the rest of his. She let herself melt against him and squeezed her eyes so tightly closed, the emotional tears that gathered at the corners could barely escape.

At last, when she turned away from his lips to catch her breath, she rested her forehead on his chest, breathing hard.

"Kissing you is everything I ever hoped it would be," she whispered. " _Besarte es como ver las estrellas_."

" _Muy romántica, mi gatita_." Diego was impressed by her flawless speech in his native tongue. "But since when do you speak Spanish?"

"Since always! I _did_ grow up in the state of California, which is right beside Mexico!" She smirked. "Or rather… _siempre_."

"You never told me that!"

"You never asked!"

"Sustained. The defense rests." He chuckled and ran his hand over her satiny caramel hair. "I look forward to uncovering many more mysteries about you, Madame Attorney."

"And I look forward to having you _uncover_ me, in more ways than one!" Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "But first, you need to get out the hell of this hospital bed!"

"Later today, kitten. You have my word. There's nothing I look forward to more than being your _personal scratching post_ tonight!"

He treated her to a wicked grin that was guaranteed to get him on Santa's naughty list, but then his expression suddenly changed as he continued to gaze lingeringly into her eyes.

"What is it, Diego?" She asked softly, unable to read the intensity in that mocha stare, yet unable to pry her eyes away. "What are you thinking?"

In a voice aching with tenderness, he whispered, _"Mi gatita_ , _tu amor vale mas que millones de estrellas."_

" _Now_ look at who's the romantic one, you not-so-secret softy!" She teased, her eyes glowing with love as she kissed him again. " _Feliz Navidad, mi amor."_

"Merry Christmas, kitten."

 **THE END**

* * *

 _JP: The song portion of this parody of a pining, lovesick Diego Armando pining for his kitten before getting the cojones to admit his affections goes to milady **Chloemcg** , who made this request so long ago she may have forgotten she even made it! Happy Christmas, milady! _🎄❤

 _P.S. I MAY have been a bit naïve/overly ambitious when I thought I could crank out TWO Turnabout Everlasting chapters this month guys, as I'd underestimated how hectic the holidays are, but I **should** be able to get the final one for 2019 out this year! *fingers crossed*_

* * *

 **Translations:** _  
 **  
(French)**  
La Douleur Exquise -_ _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have._

 ** _(Spanish)_**

 _Cállate la boca! Terminamos! Olvídate de mi número! Comprende?_ – Shut your mouth! We're finished! Lose my number! Understand?

 _¡Vete al diablo, bastardo! –_ Go to hell, you bastard!

 _bruja rencorosa_ – spiteful witch

 _Mi gatita, te quiero con todo mi alma –_ My kitten, I love you with all my soul.

 _Eres el amor de mi vida -_ You are the love of my life.

 _Besarte es como ver las estrellas_. – To kiss you is like seeing stars.

 _Tu amor vale mas que millones de estrellas_. – Your love is worth more than a million stars

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 88**

 **chloemcg**

 **CT:** It's always great to hear from you, chloemcg, and I'm glad that you've been enjoying our parodies!

For me, I would have to say that my favorite "Sonic" game would have to be, believe it or not, "Sonic Advance 3" on account of the memorable worlds (particularly in regards to Toy Kingdom, Cyber Track, and Chaos Angel), epic OST (the music for Chaos Angel's levels feels like something from a "Final Fantasy" game), and some pretty interesting bosses.

 **JP:** my top two choices for characters that I wish could interact who have never met yet would be Maya Fey and Kay Faraday the two plucky office assistants would probably mercilessly tease and prank their former bosses to kingdom come, however I think the twisted samurai and he of unfortunate bowl cut would be a hilarious comedy duo since it would take a long time to undo all of Sebastian's stupidness massaged into him by his pyromaniac prick of a father, and I figure all that time in prison has given reverse panda a short fuse which makes for potentially hilarious mayhem when they get together!😛

I may have been a little ambitious thinking I could do to chapters of Turnabout Everlasting this month milady but I'm going to do my best to at least get out one… I have made it my mission to at least update that story monthly no matter how insane my holiday schedule has been… Let's just say amongst our many holiday obligations, my family and I are _still_ doing last-minute Christmas shopping, because we obviously hate ourselves a little bit….😫

I'm not overly familiar with the Sonic game since they first came out as it was a favourite on the original Genesis with my much older siblings, but I know that I love the music from pretty much all of it my favourites would be Diamonds In The Sky and You're My Number One… Such fluffy romantic goodness and the latter just makes me think of Feyt! 😊

I hope you enjoy your request, milady. I'm sorry that it wasn't _Try Everything_ but only because I'd belatedly realized you actually had a _Christmas_ request in the mix and I couldn't think of a better time of the year to do it then now! Happy Christmas to you and your family, milady! 🎄

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **CT:** Simple. Edgeworth copes with all of his stress by watching lots and lots of "Steel Samurai" every night. Why else do you think Edgeworth is such a big fan of the show? It's the only oasis of sanity that Edgeworth has in this crazy city- especially since his duties as chief prosecutor prevent him from chartering private jets at a moment's notice and fleeing the country. Though knowing Edgeworth, he's probably taken steps to reduce his stress levels- at least in the Prosecutor's Office- by making Franziska the head of HR, meaning that all behavior issues and/or co-worker disputes that the other prosecutors are having will first have to get through her and her whip before they get to him.

If the puppet show idea happened, chances are the script would be something like this: While the prosecutor spends many hours constructing a thorough case with decisive evidence and witnesses, the defense attorney comes to the trial without any preparation whatsoever. However, despite their lack of knowledge and awareness, through sheer luck and bluffing, the defense attorney manages to prove their client innocent. Defeated, the prosecutor will return to their office, scream into their hands, and then question their life choices.

 **JP:** To be honest, even though he's not my favourite Prosecutie by a longshot (I'm very unoriginal and love my Edgeworth for that title!), Klavier is probably the most normal out of all of the prosecutor's since he doesn't really have a gimmick aside from wall punching and playing air guitar and doesn't have a baffling unwarranted grudge against the defence but if anything helps them out! Unless of course you can't the fact that he's a doppelgänger for the well manicured coxcomb spawn of Beelzebub… I suppose that counts as a quirk?!

Wendy Oldbag wearing the outfits of Cardi B… That goes on parallel with my imagery of her twerking in the bikini as the sure-fire way to instantly make any red-blooded man that had gone from six to midnight go _back_ to six… _Permanently_!

Do you watch Dragon Ball Z? If not … welp, there is a magical Dragon with all the powers and secrets of the universe that allows you one wish per year, which is usually used to resurrect the really badly drawn if not downright fugly peons who have somehow died during their tasked battles against evil to save the earth. This magical mystical Dragon can be asked for _anything_ at all that the heart desires …and yet I get the feeling is given the opportunity the wish would be squandered by the stupid klutzoid dumbhead nong-nong prosecutor who'd surely ask….

HOLD IT!

Huh.

Maybe I'd have been better off using the mental midget inquiry scenario if we were to have him meet Jinn from RWBY, a magical being held inside the Relic of Knowledge who can answer all questions of the universe. Either way, either the dragon or genie in a bottle is going to stuck answering a banal query along the lines of: "If our eyes were in our ears would we walk sideways?" 😝

 **DJJ680**

 **CT:** While Himiko may be a bit underwhelming as a character at the start of "V3", trust me when I say that she greatly improves as the game progresses. I wish I could go on one of my typical analytical tangents in regards to the matter, but I won't for the sake of major spoilers. Though I will say that out of the female characters from "V3", next to Tsumugi and Miu, Himiko has some of the best lines in the game. But then again, I may be a little bit biased since Oumeno (Kokichi x Himiko) is one of my main three "V3" ships, alongside Saimatsu (Kaede x Shuichi) and Harukaito (Kaito x Maki). Though while on the subject, where are you currently at in the story?

As for that crackfic, TheFreelancerSeal sent JP the link to a crackfic generator website, which she then gave to me, which I then used to create that crackfic by using the first things that the randomizer gave me. If you're curious, here's the link to the website (take out the spaces before using it): plot - generator. org. uk/ story/

 **JP:** never been a big fan of rap music either, which have always declared should be spelled with a big fat "C" in front of it. On top of being agreeably cringe worthy and awkward, the DK rap is so clownish and goofy, I'm not sure if they were trying to make it purposely campy/ludicrous or not. Surely video games songs that have a rap vibe to it _can_ still be quite amazing… I actually put the song _Infinite_ from the Sonic game on my music playlist after it was requested, since I love Linkin Park and the tune is very reminiscent of that with the style.

This offer is extended to yourself and anyone else who wants to check out the crack fic generator link that CT mentioned… everyone is welcome to post the results of their story along with their next review; am sure we'd all be happy to all have a good laugh! 😊

 **Yanmegaman**

 **CT:** But not just any coconut gun- a coconut gun that fires in spurts. Though as for Simon, knowing him, he probably tried to commit seppuku with a nearby pen as soon as he learned that Sebastian's idea was the one that they'd be doing, only to be stopped by Franziska on the grounds that if she has to suffer, then so does he, resulting in Edgeworth and everyone else making it a point to keep all sharp objects- or anything that can be sharpened- out of Simon's reach until after the performance. Though Sebastian would take it a step further by keeping all puzzle books away from Simon as well, lest he tries to commit more Sudoku.

 **JP:** I've always had a headcanon that despite his British proper way of speaking and Victorian vernacular, which I suppose is intended to be a stark contrast to his latently violent samurai ministrations (Taka not even included) that Simon has a short fuse… And a low tolerance for stupidity. I imagine after he was thwarted from honourable suicide attempts the first time to put himself and the rest of his prosecutor's out of their misery, he would just take that coconut gun and pointed it right at the guilty perpetrator of this abominable (C)rap-fest himself, only to have it ricochet harmlessly off of the hardened helmet of hair that surrounds the otherwise empty noggin of a prosecutor so daft he probably thinks protection during sex is making sure the roof doesn't leak! 😛

I'm thrilled that you liked your request, pal! Cheers! 😊

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **CT:** If Trucy actually killed someone, she nor anyone else would be arrested for it on the grounds that they'd never find a single trace of the body. After all, if Trucy's magic panties can store a car tire, a stewpot, a frozen chicken, a broom, and half a case worth of evidence, then I don't think hiding a body in them would be much of a stretch. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Noah's ark and Atlantis were somewhere inside those panties. I'd also include Nahyuta's ability to be a decent human being, but you can't hide what doesn't exist.

Though as much as I'd love to believe that Magnifi is an immortal liche who serves an ancient Lovecraftian being with dominion over magic and the dimensional planes, that's impossible on the grounds that he would have made his epic return and took back the rights to his tricks the second Trucy was acquitted in "Magical Turnabout" before proceeding to flip her the bird and punch Apollo in the jaw on his way out. I mean, this is Magnifi we're talking about, a guy whose ability to screw over his own family is only surpassed by Blaise.

When it comes to Rayfa, she probably didn't smack Nahyuta because she used up all her tsundere energy punching Phoenix over the course of their investigations together. Though speaking of which, when I played through "Spirit of Justice" for the first time, I was actually hoping that both Ga'ran and Inga would be dead and/or arrested by the end of the game so that Rayfa could potentially be adopted by Franziska and taken under her wing. Seriously, as much as I like Klavier as a character, I can't help but feel that they wasted the perfect chance to have the "Ace Attorney" series' two biggest tsunderes in the same room by having Franziska be the prosecutor for "Apollo Justice: Asinine Attorney".

 **JP:** I'm going to second the motion that they have really dropped the ball in not having Franziska return thus far, and having Franziska mini be in the same room as Lady von Whippingberg would've been epic! Sure, the German beauty shows up in both of the Miles games in both past and present form, but not everybody played those and the better one the second one was even released in the West because fark us, that's why, so for a lot of fans the last time we saw Ralph a senior was in Trials and Tribulations! Based on fan feedback and poles and everything else related to the series online, after Gumshoe and Godot Franziska Von Karma is the number one character most fans want to see come back!

About that Segway scene I get the feeling that even though Phoenix is strict with his daughter in that he won't let her were lipstick until he learned to play the piano… (Even though I write him having some abilities when it comes to show tunes, in canon he can't play the piano at all so obviously the pretty teenager is going to be going barefaced for very long time!) He's pretty indulgent with her whims otherwise. After all there were some pretty terrifying death-defying assistant duties she had Athena trying to do as her assistant in Turnabout Time Traveler, and Phoenix just laughed the whole thing off, was relieved that it wasn't him, and then took off with Maya, leaving poor Big Red to poor her money where her mouth is and physically demonstrate what all those orange juice workouts were fully capable of as she proceeded to try to outrun like the hounds of hell were on her tail throughout that entire episode. Meanwhile, the sadistic cutie pie was channeling her inner Dahlia Hawthorne skills and during all this was no doubt was chasing after her while clinking three grape juice bottles together and chanting repeatedly, in a creepy, sing-songy voice, _"Athena! Come out to play-ee-ay!"_ This was immediately followed by the even more sinister foreboding of: "you can _run_ ….but you can't _hide!"_

Yeah, either Nick is a sadist to have let all that happen on his watch, or it could simply be that his kid falls under the category of people who he loves so unconditionally, he will just look away from any of their flaws or just blindly defend those closest to him… No matter what they do. After all, when that man loves he loves with no holds barred. He simply laughs off the surliness of the ever unsmiling Miles Grumpworth for example, and even Larry Butz with a smile on his face (usually to mask his exasperation with the latter). Moreover, Nick has repeatedly made it obvious he would do anything for Maya… At this point after spirit of Justice I'm pretty sure that man is so in love with her (he flat out told Rayfa he would jump into a _septic tank_ if he thought it would help his Princess Peach!) That if the spirit medium actually _did_ murder someone, he would bend once again move heaven and earth and not be passed putting his badge/ethics on the line once again in order to find some way to prove that the victim had it _coming_!

Indeed, Bassy was the perfect nimrod to spout off this cockamamie balderdash around a bunch of cranky and historically violent prosecutors who only tolerate his shenanigans because their jobs dictate them to do so but everybody's got their breaking point. This is a fact that surely sailed over the vcant head of that dimwit plonker! Seriously, I bet if you stared into his eyes, all you'll see is a loan monkey scratching his head in confusion! 😛

I personally would not have been appeased if Rayfa had slapped Braid Head… Unless it was right to the Twilight Realm and she was using the pointed end of her staff while doing so! 😈

Always a pleasure, dear reader!

Cheers,  
JP

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **CT:** In that case, I seem to be in the minority since I actually like the "DK Rap" and find it to be rather epic- and mind you, I didn't even so much as look at a playthrough of this game until a few years ago when I discovered the wonderful world of emulators, so I'm in no way influenced by nostalgia. Speaking of which, for those people who think that DK64 is a hard game, they don't know what difficult is until they play the game on a rom with a cruel bug in which all the timers decrease at twice the normal rate.

But back to the topic at hand, in my opinion, the "DK Rap" does a great job of introducing you to the main cast and explaining their unique abilities while pumping you up. I mean, who doesn't want to run into a group of Kremlings with Chunky and defeat them all with a single spin attack after hearing that rap? Not to mention, while the song's cheesy, it just oozes that classic Rareware charm that you can't help but grin at, such as Grunty's constant slams, all of the movie parodies in "Conker's Bad Fur Day", and more recently from Playtonic, Capital B in general.

As for how DK64 got an E-rating despite the song using the word "hell", that's due to how lax the rating system was back then. To put it into context, "Ocarina of Time" and "Majora's Mask" were both rated E despite the former having the player explore a dungeon at the bottom of a well that contains a blood-covered torture chamber and a temple that's essentially a catacomb for the countless people killed in a gruesome civil war- both locations having an eerie theme song and zombies that do things to Link that Oldbag would love to do to Edgeworth- and the latter's plot revolving around death and despair around every corner- not to mention the creepy moon that's always watching you. Though oddly enough, I find the Shadow Temple theme to be quite calming, yet I've always been creeped out by the song used for Dodongo's Cavern and music that plays when you're inside the Great Deku Tree.

 **JP:** you're welcome for scaring you with the Wendy Oldbag rap, bud. You think that was bad? But we're even… Thanks to Lyn , I now have the harrowing image of that geriatric fossil rapping whilst wearing the skank-wad outfits of Cardi B!

Although I thought the song was of such Brobdingnagian fromage proportion that I should've whipped out a box of Ritz to go with it (being a retro and rock lover at heart while I'm open to pretty much any genre of music I have never been overly rhapsodic about rap music) but this particular one that my talented partner hilariously parodied not only surpasses the original, but actually reminds me of the song by Run DMC - _It's Like That._ (Still not my type of music but a least these guys know they're doing, and it's a semi-decent jam- catchy if naught else!)

 _"And once again, another bull's-eye by the King and Queen Of AA Parody. Seriously, this is leading to an entire herd of blind bulls."_

 ** _*Bows head and humbly accepts both crown and title, proudly placing them beside the other crown and sashes bearing the titles Queen of Steam and Queen of Fluff as given previously by other wonderful readers like you who keep Her Majesty still Wrighting, five years later*_**


	90. I Am Number One!

_CT: When it comes to the von Karma family, there are two things we know about them: their fashion sense stopped progressing at the turn of the 20th century, and they are as modest as they are obsessed with perfection. Heck, with how Manfred acts, he might as well wear a crown and a large garish cape that has the phrase "I'm better than you" written on the back in bright flashing neon letters. So, suffice to say, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Manfred had written at least one musical number in which his praises are literally sung._

 _But on a slightly different topic, Neil Marshall was both the luckiest and unluckiest man in the "Ace Attorney" universe- lucky in that Manfred hadn't murdered him for beating him at something, but yet unlucky in that Gant found his unconscious body first and decided to make him a part of his plan for legal world domination._

 _JP: Happy New Year, dear readers!_ _Hope 2020 has been and continues to be good to all of you – and what better way to kick off the 1_ _st_ _month of the new year than a song about a Narcissistic Megalomaniac who always thought_ _ **he was #1**_ _(and not meaning visiting the piddly-diddly whizz palace variety!) at everything?_

 _This request for DJJ680 managed to do the unthinkable – make a parody even funnier than the AA themed one that was made for this song with the main villains – Matt, Bitchtoff, Dahlia, and Manfred! (if you haven't seen it, look it up on YouTube under "We Are Number One But It's Ace Attorney!")_

* * *

" _ **I Am Number One"  
**_ **Sung to the tune of  
"We Are Number One"  
from **_**Lazy Town**_

It was the evening of the Police and Prosecutor Choice Awards, a time when prosecutors and members of the many divisions of the LAPD came together to celebrate the previous year's accomplishments over a nice dinner at the precinct. So as one would expect, the precinct's spacious, all-purpose room was decorated to the nines for the occasion. After all, heaven forbid that the prosecutors – especially Manfred von Karma and his young protégé, Miles Edgeworth – were seen in an environment that was less than immaculate.

The room's grey carpet, which was usually pretty clean, to begin with, was so thoroughly steamed that not a single speck of dirt was present on its fluffed appearance. The numerous tables scattered around the room that were all being used by various prosecutors and police officers were each covered with a pristine table cloth that was as white as snow and a colorful centerpiece consisting of several flowers – daffodils, hydrangeas, Oleanders, and a number of others – and a golden miniature version of the commonplace Lady Justice statue in which the ends of her scales were replaced with a prosecutor's badge and a police badge. Though the most noticeable feature of the room was the large stage that was situated at the room's front-center, making it impossible to miss – especially considering how all the spotlights shining on its reflective glossy surface made the rest of the room look pitch-black by comparison.

Though if there was one thing that was even brighter than the stage itself, it was Damon Gant's usual orange suit as he stood on the stage as Chief Prosecutor Blaise Debeste handed him his King of Detectives award, a mid-sized trophy that featured a gaudy silver magnifying glass and dusting brush positioned in an x-shape on top of a black-painted iron pedestal, before returning to his table at the front of the room.

"Hey, Manny! Look at my award!" Gant excitedly whispered as he took his seat to the veteran prosecutor's left and Lana's right. "Pretty impressive, eh?"

"King of Detectives…? Bah! You'd be better off examining an ant colony and deciding which ant is better than the rest," Manfred sneered with a hushed voice. "Because at least ants know how to obey orders and do their job properly, unlike certain detectives..."

"Sir, don't you think that's a bit cruel?" Edgeworth calmly whispered. "I know that we prosecutors are the backbone of the legal world, but shouldn't detectives have at least a few moments of glory in their otherwise bleak existence?"

"Tell you what, Miles, when you win more awards than me, you can tell me how to think." Manfred curtly responded as he squeezed his bicep.

"Well, considering how both you and Edgeworth are currently tied at a grand total of zero awards tonight, von Karma, that shouldn't be too difficult a goal to achieve," Lana snidely commented.

"That's because all of the awards that have been presented up until now – Perfect Attendance, Most Improved Prosecutor, King of Pay Cuts – have all been pity trophies to help console the imperfect prosecutors and the entirety of the police force who couldn't even spell 'capable' if their lives depended on it. But this next award is different, for it is King of Prosecutors, the accolade made specifically for the most perfect of prosecutors. So naturally, if I am to win any award this evening, it is – oh, it's starting. My moment of triumph." Manfred smirked.

"Ok, everyone, here's the award you've all been waiting for: King of Prosecutors. Y'see, as you all know, this is an award that we give out to only the best and brightest that the Prosecutor's Office has to offer. After all, with how many 'prodigy' prosecutors who are 20 and under we have employed, it's practically anyone's competition, y'know? But this year's King of Prosecutors isn't like the others. Y'see, not only is this guy a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom, but he's as likable as his sense of style is unusual. So, without further ado, this year's King of Prosecutors is-"

At that moment, Blaise was interrupted by Edgeworth taking out his flute and starting to play an upbeat song as Manfred stood up and started proudly walking up on stage.

"Oh no, not this again…" Lana groaned as she facepalmed. "Only a complete moron or a sadistic troll would actually like that musical number that von Karma forces us to listen to every year."

"Yeah! It's happening! Manny's number one! Manny's number one!" Gant chuckled, clapping his gloved hands together as Manfred started singing.

* * *

{Manfred}

Bah!

I am number one!

Bah!

I am number one!

This never gets old…

* * *

Manfred paused to grab the King of Prosecutors trophy, which he proceeded to hold out with a sneer on his face for all the other prosecutors in the audience to see.

* * *

{Manfred}

My lessers trounced and my glories told,

My perfection given form to hold.

Though winning this award was hardly a feat,

For these other "prosecutors" reek of defeat.

They're naïve like sods,

Their cases flawed,

And they dress like a bunch of frauds.

* * *

"Better to look like a fraud than a member of the Addams family!" Jake Marshall, from his table towards the front of the room, called out, prompting Manfred to shoot him a death glare and Neil Marshall, who was sitting next to him, to start snickering.

* * *

{Manfred}

I am number one!

Bah!

I am number one!

Bah!

I am number one!

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

With my perfect suit,

My stylish hair,

And my cravat white,

I am quite the sight,

Right?

* * *

"If y'all are a sight, von Karma, I'd be better off starin' into a Texas sun at high noon till I couldn't see no more sights!" Jake retorted in a fit of laughter, earning a high-five from his brother.

"I swear, one more outburst like that from either of you and I will do to the both of you what your beloved Texas did to proper grammar!" Manfred roared with a snap of his fingers.

* * *

{Manfred}

Now listen to me,

Pesky thorns,

I was prosecuting since before you were born!

Bah!

Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,

Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!

I am number one!

* * *

Bah!

Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,

Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!

I am number one!

Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,

Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!

I am number one!

* * *

Bah!

Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,

Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!

I am number one!

I am number one!

I am number one!

Bah!

Bah!

* * *

"Neil Marshall!" Blaise proclaimed with a sneer on his face, causing Manfred to reel back out of shock as the room filled with the hoots and hollers of the Marshall brothers.

"WHAT!?" Manfred roared, his eyes the size of saucers as a few beads of cold sweat started to drip down his brow.

"You heard me, von Karma. This year's King of Prosecutors is Neil Marshall! So, get up here, Cowboy, and claim your prize!" Blaise jovially stated with a wave of his hand, an order that Neil didn't hesitate to take up as he ran up on stage and ripped the trophy out of Manfred's hands.

"Good night above…" Neil sighed with a grin and a slight shake of his head as he took Blaise's place at the podium to give a speech. "With all the talented and experienced prosecutors that I have the privilege to work with every day, I never would have thought that I'd ever win an award like this in my lifetime, let alone my third year on the job. So, needless to say, I am deeply touched that y'all think so highly of me – even after I've lost more than one trial to that coffee-loving defense attorney at the start of my career."

The cowboy prosecutor paused to chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck.

"…Woo boy, if y'all think that losing a case you spent hours preparing for to some bluffing attorney makes ya feel lower than a snake's belly, then you obviously haven't had a mug of coffee thrown at your head…"

Neil had to pause for a brief moment to let the laughter that was erupting from the audience come to a stop as his face became slightly morose.

"Real shame what happened to Armando – hombre had one hell of an arm and a fightin' spirit to match. But at least he died doing what he loved: drinking coffee and being suave while doing so. Though I only wish I had the chance to thank him. Sure, he gave me hell, but with that hell, he pushed me to become the prosecutor that I am today. Though while on that subject, I'd also like to thank my brother, Jake, for always being there for me ever since we were kids playing Cowboys and Indians – even though we got into more than one fight about who got to be the cowboy – Detectives Gant and Skye, for inspiring all of us with their devotion to justice, and finally, Prosecutor Manfred von Karma…"

Even though he was embarrassed beyond belief, Manfred couldn't help but smirk a little upon being recognized. Sure, it wasn't as glamorous as being named King of Prosecutors once again, but it was nice to know that he was helping to inspire the younger generation… even if their fashion sense and lack of class were much to be desired.

"Whenever he stops by the Prosecutor's Office, I feel compelled to give it everything I've got – partially 'cause the guy's win record's cleaner than a washcloth on washday and I wanna look semi-competent by comparison, but mostly 'cause if I don't, then he's gonna be on me like stank on a crap wagon, lecturing me from dawn 'till dusk about how I'm not 'working hard enough' instead of leaving me alone so that I can actually get my work done. Plus, whenever my nerves start getting shakier than a jitterbug doing the jitterbug on a jumping bean before a trial, I take a deep breath and tell myself, _'Neil, if von Karma can go into court dressed like Dracula's granddaddy's corpse for 40 years without a care in the world and win every time, then what do you have to be worried about_?'" Neil jokingly asked, prompting the audience to once again start laughing.

However, unlike last time, where the audience was allowed to calm down at their own pace, this time, their laughter was abruptly ended by the loud thud of the end of Manfred's cane slamming against the hardwood surface of the stage.

"Cease your insolent laughter!" Manfred roared with a snap of his fingers as he glared daggers into the audience. "I do not have to stand here and take this undeserved slander! Miles, we're leaving!"

Heeding his mentor's word, Edgeworth got up from his seat and made a beeline dash for the room's exit while Manfred followed suit – only instead of running, the veteran prosecutor maintained what little dignity he had left by loudly stomping to the door with his fists and teeth clenched. However, before he could reach the exit, he was stopped by someone calling out to him.

"Hey, von Karma!" Blaise shouted, prompting the 'perfect' prosecutor to slowly turn his head back so he could glower at his superior's sneering face. "Y'know, if it makes you feel any better, you'll always be _number two_ to _me_!"

"Bah!" Manfred huffed as he thrust open the door leading out of the room and made an effort to slam it behind him as loudly as possible as he exited.

* * *

 _Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!_

 **Chapter 89**

 **Forgreatcoffee**

 **JP:** Feliz año nuevo, Señor Java! ❤

I am almost disappointed that facsimile of a sham of a fax of an attorney didn't literally get rushed to the burn unit for grafts following the boiled crotch incident, but I imagine a second-degree burn would be pretty subduing!

I like the idea of Grossberg rooting for you crazy kids the whole time.

I am unaware whether or not Grossberg was actually married or not so it's hard to say whether or not he would be a believer in true love due to his present marital circumstances (if he was married I can guarantee he still had bigger bazoomas than his wife, what with those bitch tits!) or just from remembering the fanciful days of his fresh, lemon-scented youth. Either way, I imagine just being around a pair of lovers as captivating as you and your kitten would've made anyone a believer in true romance since he was the one who confirmed the status of your relationship to the rest of us while you were sleeping by referring to you as Mia's boyfriend during that fateful trial when Satan's Succubus finally got what was coming to her!

One of the greatest unsolved mysteries in the Ace Attorney world is how the beautiful holder of the Fey Twins got her nickname from you, your explanation is as good as any! Thank you for sharing!

As for your suggestion from the _Trolls_ movie, I love that song and the film! Consider it done! 😊

 **CT:** Strange. I never pictured Grossberg as being the type to be hopeful for love outside the kind that a man feels for his fisherman painting.

 **Peoplepersonsof DooM**

 **JP:** Hiya, Lyn! I love the fact that I make you want to slug the characters that I'm writing – the last time you wanted to hit the leading man and lady was _Filling The Void_ with Nick and Maya! 😆

They say that the good die young and Mia Fey was no exception! I made her pretty badass in this story but considering she knew what Grossberg did to her family and still chose to work with him she obviously must've forgiven him somewhat, plus she took on Phoenix which she thought was a crybaby p*ssy as her protégé so the woman truly had a heart of gold to rival the halo she is now wearing! Plus considering how cocksure and confident Mr. Rico Sauvé was portrayed in the games and anime it was a lot of fun making him be unsure of himself when he felt a stirring for a woman in his heart instead of just his loins! As for Mia, I'm pretty sure she was aware of the effect she had on men but as a point in your life when you just want more than that, to be loved for more than your beauty. As much as most of the Ace Attorney cast is a bunch of clueless dorks in the romantic department including but not limited to my husbando, I'd like to think a well-educated beauty that was a total catch like Mia must've at least had _some_ experiences in college, perhaps even some of them, according to a good chunk of our fandom, with miss "intellectually attracted" Lana Skye herself! I think Mia could tell Diego was into her but it would take a lot more than a fling to make someone as ambitious as her whose sole mission in life was to clear her mother's name risk dipping her pen in the company ink! It's hard for womanizer to ever prove himself as being true blue… Which I think is a challenge with my other beloved pairing Klema! She thinks he's a Rockstar man whore and a glimmerous fop… This is why in my stories, I tend to make him work for it _really_ hard (pun only partially intended!) 😉

Happy New Year my friend! I'm going to move heaven and earth to make sure that chapter 3 of our Dahlstoph collaboration gets out this month! 😊

 **CT:** With how determined Mia can be when she puts her mind to something, I wouldn't be surprised if Mia barely allowed herself any time to eat and sleep, let alone date. Heck, there's a chance that one of the reasons why Mia started dating Diego was that it would give them time to brainstorm leads on how to bring Dahlia to justice. Though while on that topic, I can just picture Mia and Diego taking their desire to bring Dahlia down to the next level by integrating it into their bedroom roleplaying, with Mia pretending to be Dahlia, who has just been declared guilty of her crimes because of the hard work of the charming and talented Mia Fey and the cunning and rugged Diego Armando and is trying to persuade the Judge- who is played by Diego- into giving her a lighter sentence.

Considering that Mia continued to solve cases and woo guys into helping her even after her death, I think amazing is a bit of an understatement. Though as for channeling, why would Mia need to channel someone in order to strike them down when she has Fey Strength, Fey Speed, and Fey Ruthlessness on her side? I mean, look at Pearl. Despite being only nine-years-old and barely eating any meat, the girl was capable of knocking out Phoenix, despite his invincibility, with only six slaps. With that kind of power, I think it's safe to assume that Bruce Lee would be on the ground crying for mercy within seconds of encountering a Fey woman. But alas for Bruce Lee, the Fey women know no mercy.

 **chloemcg**

 **JP:** My favorite Ace hunks in the Japalifornia world used to be Phoenix, Miles, Barnham and Diego however after writing the smoldering Latino I realized that I had to both Miles to the number two spot… Because that is one mighty hot cup of coffee!😍

I'd like to think on a racier note that Mia got her nickname because she used her lover's back as a scratching post on many occasions… Just like I hinted at in the story was going to be what happened as soon as they got out of the hospital. Ultimately, though, no matter how much Diego may have made her purr, Mia she proved to have some serious kitty claws like a real feline when she was alive, what with stomping on Phoenix's foot in the anime for being an idiot and quietly taking out her rage on Dahlia Hawthorne's testimony by letting out infuriated punches on the poor, unsuspecting Grossberg during that fateful trial!

By the way, since you love Zootopia so much there is a wonderful fan translated sequel to the movie that you might enjoy checking out some time and let me know what you think! I absolutely adored it!

I'm delighted that you liked your request milady had a very Happy New Year to you!

 **YouTube: Return To Zootopia | Full Fan Film**

 **CT:** Knowing Diego, he probably came up with the "kitten" nickname as a joke after noticing how a lot of women would take their coffee with a generous amount of milk. And while Diego probably saw his dates not being able to take pure black coffee as a bit cute, if they tried to pour some milk into his cup, they'd be dead to him and the relationship would be over on the spot.

 **thepudz**

 **JP:** It's really great that you could appreciate Mia not wanting to be sexually harassed in the workplace against a lecherous pervert old enough to be her father… a male I knew claimed that Mia was acting like a FemiNazi in this story by insisting on being an independent female… But hell if that makes a woman a FemiNazi…then Color ME Badd, too!

Even though Maya is my forever girl crush, the sexier elder Fey without question had a certain factor that the French refer to as "I don't know what!" 😛 I wouldn't be entirely against a ménage a trois with Miego myself… Can we say _catch_ and _catch_?! It's impossible to say which one was more gorgeous… My willingness to switch teams for the sake of being a happy participant might surprise some, considering Phaya is my actual number one OTP but I don't know if I'd actually want to share my Nick with _anybody_ including Maya! 😉

It was harder than Diego's rock-hard thighs to write the sexiest canon couple in the series and keep it clean but it was at the behest of my Kris Kringle recipient apparently… But hey it's great to challenge myself as a writer and trying something new!

As an angsty artist, I do tend to look back at my older work in a lot of cases with a big smile, but in some cases, I kinda cringe! I'd like to think I have evolved over the years, but it is such a delight to hear from a good friend and talented writer that you concur! 😘

Diego is not only eye candy but being Hispanic his voice would be ear porn! I refuse to accept that smoky rasp of the English voice actor in the anime as his voice! To me, Diego/Godot will always sound like a silver-tongued Latino Don Juan…like Antonio Banderas in _Puss In Boots_ – can't change my mind! As for the rest of him, Papi is damn sexy that anyone who doesn't get a boner around him, a very good friend of mine decreed, has a broken 🍆!😆

Happy New Year Roo!

 **CT:** With works like this, you can see why JP's title as the Queen of Steam is more than justified thanks to how hot she makes her works. But even though JP's works can get as hot and fluffy as a stuffed animal that Blaise lit on fire and used as a Molotov cocktail, they can't compare to the heat that Hammond experienced when he got that coffee thrown into his crotch. Though knowing Hammond, that's probably the most attention he got down there from a woman that didn't involve a foot and a steel-toed boot.

 **Joeclone**

 **JP:** The real Christmas miracle was my ability, however reluctant, to write this smoldering sexy pair without any of my traditional steam! That being said, adding on to what my partner mentioned about a ship involving the furry fox boy, Yanmegaman, ThePudz and I wrote a collaboration a few years ago called _Say Hello To Yesterday_ , we came up with a bunch of crack pairings, but the one I could actually get behind was siccing Jean Armstrong on that world-renowned tool and paid-up member of the Big Twit Club! Yaoi isn't normally my scene but Jean Armstrong pretty much calls himself a girl and the judge actually thought he was one so …that phony French accent and equally unpalatable haute cuisine… couldn't happen to a nicer guy! 😆

By the way, I did read the final version of your story and loved it! A+!

Happy new year sweetie! Here's your first cheek squish of 2020! 😘

 **CT:** When you've got a couple like Miego and someone skilled with romantic writing like JP, you don't need a miracle in order to make it work. Now a real miracle would be making a ship involving Wocky appealing.

 **TheFreelancerSeal**

 **JP:** This took me forever to write but I'm delighted that you thought it was worth the wait! Straight parodies are a lot of fun but this one got an extra dose of fluffy love for me because it was a present for my Kris Kringle gift exchange.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a hot butter incident that rivaled Hammond's hot coffee one I'm hoping it wasn't to your family jewel region as I imagine you would like to have offspring someday… My biggest challenge in writing the sexiest couple in the Ace Attorney universe was keeping down the heat between the although I'm happy if people picked up on the pending steam even if it was on screen. Mia was all woman here her roar or in this case mule and his because that kitten had claws although obviously Diego had what it took to get that kitten purring! I wrote a story about Phoenix and Miles as incompetent fathers called _Double DILF Doodies_ where JusticeCykes was married and Athena was forcing Apollo to show his love by sitting through the entire _50 Shades of Grey_ trilogy (yes I know this is a rather cruel and unusual punishment because I personally would rather give Sal Manella a bikini wax – ugh! What a thought… is how you induce vomiting in the human soul! – then have to endure those movies my girlfriends forced me to watch ever again!) But I figure _Twilight_ as the ultimate test of love was possibly worse at least 50 shades had some smut that seemed to gratify the lovers of mommy porn out there! Personally I think Diego probably preferred getting stabbed in the arm as a less painful way to prove his devotion! I'm serious…the books are _that_ putrid. Benedict Sadmahdi would have a heyday! In the end, Maya did end up with somebody with a very big heart to keep her fed up through her eyeballs and burgers he just didn't have deep pockets… Luckily he seemed to love her enough to go broke for her… But this was a Miego story, not a Phaya story! 😉

Mia finally got to see her personalized impromptu love song right at the end Diego was just so cool and swab I cannot picture him actually singing to a song that was initially signed by children or at all he's one of the few Ace Attorney characters that actually had sex appeal and had definitely gotten laid prior to Mia …therefore sex gods do _not_ normally sing sappy parodied love songs!

But… They can _write_ them! 😊

Happy New Year, Bud!

 **CT:** In regards to whether or not a parody gets a story to go with it, the way I see it, it more or less depends on if we have material to work with. Typically, I prefer to have a short story to go with the song in order to set up the context behind it, but if there really isn't much to work with, then I'm perfectly fine with just including the song.

Frankly, when it comes to Maya, even if she had a reverse-harem consisting of Ronald McDonald, the Burger King, and the Hardies star, she'd still be demanding more burgers. Frankly, with how Phoenix has been able to somewhat satisfy Maya's appetite for three years despite only working a grand total of 14 cases, I think it's safe to say that Phoenix missed his true calling as an ace accountant. Though after having to watch "Twilight", I think I finally understand why Diego was so careless with his coffee when talking to Dahlia, a woman he knew uses poison as a weapon against men she doesn't like.

 **DJJ680**

 **JP:** Hammond was a complete Baciagaloop whose lack of faith in his client's innocence ultimately ended up to his demise… It wasn't that hard to picture him being a sexist ace asshat on top of everything else! I will leave it up to up to our readers to decide whether or not he needed those skin grafts, although according to Señor Java he wasn't totally unscathed from the incident… Apparently it was minimum second-degree burns as I imagine any office with Diego Armando would never have coffee that ever got cold given his insane addiction to his beverage of choice! As for the movie I have never seen it but it looks really sweet. I turn into a melting GUI pile of marshmallow and whipped cream over hot chocolate at Christmastime, which was the degree of sweetness that was required for the most beautiful, Shakespearean level tragic can couple in the series!

Also, congratulations on causing great levels of my snaflatulating with your crack fic… _Apollo's pretty arms and blonde hands?!_ So far on this site you're only the second male besides my hilarious partner to create that level of mirth! 😂

Happy 2020!

 **CT:** To be more accurate, when it comes to the ending of "Killing Harmony" Spike Chunsoft strapped a bunch of dynamite to the building, threw a firecracker in an open window, and then put on their sunglasses while slowly walking away while the building. To be honest, after I saw the ending during my blind playthrough of the game, I was a bit shaken up and had to take a break before covering the postgame content. I swear, between the ending and the first chapter, "Killing Harmony" doesn't hold back any punches. There is no stability, only lies- and I'm not talking about the entertaining Kokichi kind.

When it comes to the Disney "Star Wars" trilogy, the only one I honestly really wanted to see was "The Force Awakens" out of sheer curiosity. Though as for the other two films, I only saw them on the premise that if I had to suffer through "The Force Awakens", I might as well suffer through the rest of them. Sure, the visuals and effects look pretty good, but that don't do much to make up for the lackluster characters were introduced, with them being forgettable at best and aggravating at worst, with Rey and Whinelo Ren being the most noteworthy cases.

For Whinelo, it's like J.J. Abrams saw Anakin in "Revenge of the Sith" and felt that the character needed more edginess, less formidability, and less clothing. I swear, when I saw "The Force Awakens", when Kylo was smashing that computer, I was immediately reminded of Wocky. However, unlike Wocky, who's so cringy that it's hilarious, with Kylo, it comes off as pathetic. Whenever I see Kylo on screen, I don't see an aspiring Sith lord, I see the kind of edgy tween who spends his day standing outside of Hot Topic while eating one of those big mall cookies. For goodness sake, this is a guy who lost a lightsaber battle to a girl who never even used one before. I don't care if Kylo was hit by a bowcaster. Vader was incredibly weak to electricity, yet he was perfectly capable of lifting Papa Palpatine above his head and throwing him into that reactor while being shocked with Force Lightning from one of the most powerful Sith Lords in both canon and legends. And don't even get me started on the Ben Swolo visions and the fact that Kylo's role in "Rise of Skywalker" has been reduced more or less to that of an exposition machine. Though on a side topic, I find it kind of strange that Kylo's helmet's audio is of worse quality than Vader's despite it being more modern.

And as for Rey, her character in the entire Disney trilogy can be summed up in two words: Mary Sue. Despite never really using a lightsaber, Rey's capable of besting a dark Jedi (to call Whinelo a Sith would be to spit on the legacies of Maul, Bane, Revan, and any other actual Sith) who has had years of training and is Anakin's decedent; and despite never even using the Force, Rey was able to master mind tricks and other such techniques like they were nothing. Not only is that, but in "The Force Awakens", Rey is capable of fixing the Melenium Falcon with pretty much no difficulty. Sure, it could be reasoned that Rey could fix the Falcon because she's a scavenger, but a scavenger does not a mechanic make. While Rey can disassemble and collect scrap metal, that doesn't necessarily make her inherently good with machines. If we saw a scene or two of Rey tinkering with droids or other such devices, I'd be able to let that grievance go, but at the beginning of the film, all we're told about Rey is that she's a scavenger and that she misses her parents.

Ok, now that I finished my Disney trilogy rant, I can talk about "Polar Express". In regards to "Polar Express", while I don't find it to be the most riveting film out there, I feel that the visual look pretty good and have ages pretty well and that the story- with the exception of the random demon Scrooge puppet scene- is the kind of harmless, heartwarming plot that you'd expect to get from a children's Christmas movie.

As for that short story, I wouldn't be surprised if those events actually happened when Apollo applied to be Kristoph's protégé.

 **Muhammad Sban**

 **JP:** one of the things I overlooked was the fact that Trucy's grandfather screwed over his two disciples fully knowing that neither one of the himwas responsible for his daughter's death! He knew that she didn't really die, right? Which only makes him an even more of a colossal 🍆! Like, we are talking a 🍆that was so Brobdingnagian, if it'd been a bris, mohel would have to bring a machete!😆

Ergo I'm going to agree with you that even though Blaise was the worst of the worst and probably helped usher in the dark age of the law even before Manfred came along, he is still the lesser of two evils when compared to Magnifi Gramarye! He is also probably slightly responsible for the fact that Trucy has a slightly tarnished halo… You can't possibly have Zak as a father and such a colossal 🍆 grandfather both who were a few accessories short of an ensemble, and claim that you have a full grip on all your marbles! No doubt her tortured coerced assistants Athena and Apollo would agree! Also considering she has pulled a tire out of those panties I think that her magical underwear and the whole alternate dimension theory might actually ring true! I'm thinking kind like Hermione's tiny little traveling bag which seemed to magically everything they needed to find the Horcruxes in _The_ _Deathly Hallows!_

Everyone I've talked to wants to see Franny and Gummy back although Gumshoe still wins slightly more in the most desired character fans want to see again. My own personal headcanon, of course, is that he is married to Maggey as chief of police by now… Do you have any theories you would like to share your own theories about what that big lovable lug has been up to since we last saw him?

I think we can agree that doting Papa DILF Phoenix is a pretty lax parent, although is not very consistent… he let her run around investigating with her brother even in potentially dangerous situations, and brought her around to that seedy dive where he played poker to help him cheat at cards, but he won't let her wear lipstick?!

 _Priorities_ , Nick!

Apollo would be the first person to tell you that he is a dead man walking… At the very least he is a death magnet if not for himself then everyone around him from his best friend to his three daddies. Seriously I hate the fact that people want Phoenix to adopt that human disaster. Nick be like "hell to the no! Bitch, I'd DIE!"

Then again, if Trucy can use a real guillotine and revived her victims maybe Nick wouldn't die if he was Apollo's latest daddy. After all, aside from a little back pain isn't he pretty much unbreakable?

Is it really bad that almost more than seeing Gummy and Franny I would be rooting for Naypoota to be the next victim in Ace Attorney 7? Then Apollo could be accused of a murder and get officially joined the ranks of every other main character in the series! That would be a riot! 😆

I am delighted that you liked my homage to Miego, one of my favorite couples out there and writing for them felt like more of a Christmas gift to myself than my Kris Kringle! Nothing makes me happier than seeing readers still enjoy our work almost 2 years later! ❤

Happy New Year, dear reader!

Cheers,  
JP

 **CT:** I guess great minds think do think alike on account of how the idea of Trucy's magic panties containing a pocket dimension is one of my headcanons as well. Though for me, I personally picture said pocket dimension being more akin to the Null Void from the "Ben 10" series- a vast, brightly-colored void filled with large rocks and strange creatures as far as the eye can see. However, if one were to go to the dimension contained in Trucy's magic panties, one would also find all of the evidence that she has ever made disappear, along with about half of the homework she has ever received and every heckler that she has had to deal with over the years during her shows.

Though if Trucy were to use magic as a means of reviving her vict-er, "assistants", I think she'd opt to have them look at a cursed scroll that makes it where their unable to die, but they gradually start to go insane as they become more and more undead. But while on the topic of Trucy's assistants, with how the universe has been striking Apollo down at every opportunity, I wouldn't be surprised if it's revealed that he actually died when he fell into that river as a child and that the entire "Ace Attorney" universe is his personal hell, with Phoenix as the Devil. Sure, Phoenix isn't all that evil, but you know what they always say: the Devil's the last person you'd expect. Heck, that would explain why Phoenix is invincible and lets his little devil child torture his loyal protégés who have stayed by his side, even during the most trying of times, for very little pay (and at certain times, none at all) with a smirk?

When it comes to the debate as to whether Magnifi or Blaise is the bigger douchebag, I think of it like comparing Ganondorf from the "Legend of Zelda" series to Ridley from the "Metroid" games. Sure, Ganondorf has brought pain and sorrow to way more people than Ridley, but where the latter lacks in quantity, he more than makes up for it in quality in that he really messed up the one person he did screw over. I mean, Ridley has traumatized Samus so badly that she encounters his clone in "Other M", she actually had a PTSD attack that was so severe that she was rendered a blubbering mess that was unable to move or talk, let alone fight, for quite some time. And mind you, this is a woman who has singlehandedly fought her way through a planet od giant floating space leaches, destroyed a dimension inhabited by savage dark blob-like beings who possess their enemies and use them as puppets by destroying their five most powerful creatures (with one of them being the creatures' king), and had to kill off three bounty hunter who she befriended one by one after their minds were corrupted and while she herself was being rotted away from the inside.

Likewise, while Magnifi may have had more family members to screw over, it was like a fine dusting- covering them, but could be easily shaken off. I mean, if Zak and Roger weren't jerks themselves, you wouldn't be able to easily see the darkness that dwells in the Gramarye family. However, with Blaise, since Sebastian was his one and only son, he was able to heap all of his sadistic 'fun' on the poor boy's shoulders and leave him an absolute wreck. Sure, Sebastian comes off as being a spoiled daddy's boy when you first encounter him, but once you meet Blaise, you start to realize that the naïve adolescent's desire to pump himself up and overcompensate wasn't because he had this huge ego that needed stroking, but rather, he was abused so harshly for so long that he did it in the hopes of having some sliver of self-worth and to actually receive an ounce of love for once in his sad life. Heck, in "The Grand Turnabout", when Blaise approaches Sebastian and suggests that they "play", the latter flinches as if he's about to be punched in the jaw- which, knowing Blaise, is quite likely.


End file.
